Fallout Equestria: Rebirth

Chapter 6: Rain

We reached the waystation as the glow in the sky began dimming. We stopped a moment to eat and found that silence was much to plentiful, it aggravated me. I knew that she wasn't going to stick around much longer and for some reason, this was really starting to bug me. It wasn't that we had become the closest of friends, that was obvious, but I would be lying to myself if I said that I hadn't grown to love having someone to talk to. Even if it was just in short snippets of bitchy comebacks.

Damn, are you really that pathetic Dawn? Kinda quick to get attached isn't it?

She's company okay? I don't like being alone.

How do you know? You haven't been alone since you woke up in the stable.

I just know okay!

I didn't have anything left to eat, so I just sat there as she pulled out her provisions. I couldn't help but drool slightly upon seeing them. I tried to look away before she caught me gawking but, unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough. Rolling her eyes she passed me some incredibly old snack cakes that had enough preservatives in them to weather the apocalypse and, after a few minutes of just sitting there filling my mouth with the sugary treat, I shook my head and chuckled.

"So what did happen to this world?" I asked, deciding that asking a question I assumed everypony and their grandmother's dog knew was better than sitting in the depressing silence that had decided to follow us.

"Oh someponies wanted what other folks had and vice versa, so they decided to take it without asking. One fight lead to another and someone decided that dropping a spell to end all spells would stop the fighting. Too bad the ponies and zebra's in charge weren't raised with the moral that violence only lead to more violence." She said with a sigh, "Guess that's what happens when you live in peace for too long, you stop respecting it."

"Peace? Doesn't that sound nice?" I mused, eating the last snack cake and testing my front legs.

They didn't hurt nearly as much as they had. The healing powder that Deuce had sprinkled on them really worked wonder's and after a while my vision even returned to normal. The second part I was almost more grateful for, I really hated not being able to see as well as I normally did, it was more than uncomfortable, it was disturbing. After a couple of minutes I had even started worrying if it was permanent. Deuce had laid my fears to rest by asking me if I was always this much of a filly.

"You ready for the last push?" She asked.

"Yep." I quipped, standing up and jogging in place a minute.

Leaving our campsite, we continued down the road until we reached the point where the asphalt diverge into two paths. One side lead to Primrose and the other, the Last Stop Outpost. For a while we stood in silence until, once again I couldn't stand it.

"Well thanks for the help Deuce." I said turning to the mare. "I really appreciate it. Don't know what I woulda done without you."

"Probably die a horrible agonizing death." She said with a smile holding up her hoof. "You stay safe Dawn. It's a helluva wasteland out there."

"Yeah you too." I said shaking her hoof. "I would say it's been fun but, you're an asshole so..."

I couldn't help but beaming at her.

"And that was only a couple of days." She said smiling back. "Imagine what my caravan has to deal with."

"Think they'll take ya back?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"If they don't, I'll buck em till they do." She replied, letting go of my hoof.

I watched for a few seconds longer than I should have as she turned and began her trot to Primrose. Her white mane seemed to glow in the dim evening light and reminded me of a question that I had forgot to ask.

"Oh, hey!" I called making her stop and look back at me. "Got a question?"

"Well what is it?" She called back.

"What the hell's up with your mane?" I asked recalling a caravaneer's bit of advice from when we left Primrose.

"Got scared once." Was her enigmatic reply before she turned and continued down the road, until she was just a speck on the desert highway.

"Huh." I grunted shrugging to myself. "Well that don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't that."

Looking ahead, I saw the building that Ghost had roosted in some yards away, almost at the base of the hill that lead to the Last Stop.

Maybe I'd stop by and say hello.

Only for a second though, I had a pony from my past that was going to give me some answers.

And hopefully, if the stars aligned right, would be happy to see me.

Popping my head in the door, I looked around a moment to find the building empty.

"Hey Ghost! You around?" I called and when no answer came, I stepped back out and looked up to the roof. It was empty as well.

Welp, she's gone.

Yep.

Wonder where she went?

Maybe to the outpost that, I don't know, you're supposed to be heading to.

Right.

Starting the climb, my front legs began aching again. Either the healing powder was wearing off or the extra work of climbing was getting to be too much. I just clenched my teeth and pushed through it. A week was too long to not know who you were.

You sure you want to know?

I stopped. Now where did that thought come from?

"I absolutely want to know," I told my brain and, when no more strangeness came from it, I moved on.

The uneasiness that came from such thoughts was hard to shake, but I managed, choosing instead to think about Rain and the stories she must have.

I reached the gate a few minutes later and noticed that the younger soldier, Tinderhoof, was nowhere to be seen, however Bedrock stood glowering at the encroaching darkness. As I stepped into view, he seemed to snap out of whatever reverie he was in and stood at attention turning his unhappy gaze on me.

"Who goes-" He began, then stopped, recognizing me. "Oh. It's you."

"Yep and I did as you asked, now can I see Rain?" I said already aggravated by this pony, he hadn't been too kind the last I saw of him, and was already looking like he was going to be a pain in my ass this time.

"And your companion?" He asked ignoring my question.

"She went back to Primrose." I answered quickly, "Now can I see Rain?"

"NO!" He snapped, his nostrils flaring with anger. "You can't. You have to go see Commander Saber Sheen to debrief first! Then you can be on your fucking way Waster."

"On my fucking way?!" I snapped stepping towards the grizzled soldier, forcing myself not to focus on the battle saddle that seemed all to happy to point in my direction. "And what's that supposed to fucking mean?! I didn't get my ass beat into the dirt so you could tell me to go the fuck away!"

Grabbing the trigger of his battle saddle in his teeth, the soldier kicked a lever and I heard the barrels on either side of him load with fresh rounds. The thought of being riddled with holes from the death machine wasn't something that I was too keen on but I decided to stand my ground. The asshole could shoot me but he'd better kill me with the first shot. I had a good idea of what my hooves could do to lesser ponies, and in my eyes this soldier was looking lesser and lesser and lesser.

"Private Bedrock!" A gruff voice called from beyond the fence. "Stand down soldier."

I stole a quick glance in the direction the voice was coming from, not wanting to take my eyes of the weapon wielding soldier. I could see a large building, three times the size of the post office in Primrose.

Immediately the soldier snapped to attention and turned away from me.

That's right soldier buck, stand down.

A large stallion neared me from the other side of the fence, and I noticed that he was even more worn than Bedrock. His face told the tell of a hundred battles and I couldn't help but notice that he wore the scars handsomely. All of them except one, that one had taken his left eye. The stallion was dressed in army attire, this much was obvious but the many badges that clung to his barding were all a mystery. The uniform did fit snug over his flanks, I noticed, as if he'd eaten a little too much over the past several months. I could assume that not all of the ponies in the waste's could say the same but I reserved judgement on him for the time being. After all, he did call off his lackey.

Turning his one good eye to the gate he unlocked it and swung it open.

"Dawn? Would I be correct to assume as much?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, I just got back doing some bitchwork for your lackey here," I said, still angry, shoving a hoof at Bedrocks chest."And he tells me that I can go get fucked if I expect to get my reward."

"Oh?" He said, surprise tinting his voice. "And what was your reward?"

"I ran a little scouting mission in Red Light," I said emphasizing the word 'scouting' with as much sarcasm as I could muster, "and I'd get to see my friend Rain."

"Ah." He said simply, turning to face the building he had exited from. "Come with me."

"Thanks for calling off your mutt." I said still heated, shooting the soldier a dirty look, "I assume you're Commander Saber Sheen?"

"I am." He answered. "And you will refrain from insulting my soldiers while in my presence."

I stumbled a moment at the sudden power behind his voice, it just an order, it was like he was making me order myself.

"Okay....then I can 'debrief' you as you take my happy ass to Rain." I demanded shaking off the momentary confusion, finding my anger again.

"Very well." He said, obviously not taken aback by my rudeness, for some reason this just aggravated me more.

As we walked I filled him in on the details from Red Light, trying as hard as I could to stress how much of a pain in the ass it was.

"...and then I reached Private dumbass over there and he tells me that I can't fucking see Rain." I finished, the commander gave me a look that suggested I not call his subordinate's dumbasses but also admitted to him having done so himself on multiple occasions.

This pony confused the hell out of me.

We had walked around the outpost to the back side of the barracks. A door sat sunken into the back wall, it looked like it hadn't been used in a while except for the new scratches around the key hole that told a story of one very drunk pony trying to unlock it. Beside the door an old ramp sat slanting up towards the roof.

"I see." The Commandeer said calmly, "Well thank you for your service, the NCR appreciates your sacrifice." It sounded like he had recited this a hundred times before, but then his tone shifted to one of extreme seriousness. "I have just one question for you."

I looked at the pony in the dim light of the oncoming night and noticed that he looked quite a bit older than he had before, almost Grandma Razzberry's age. I couldn't figure out how this pony had aged so quickly over such a short walk. My anger almost spent I glared at him.

"Well?" I asked.

"Are you Dawn?" He asked, making me groan.

"Yes! I already said that I was!" I yelled, shaking my head with the last of my rage before burning out and sighing. "Why doesn't anypony believe me?"

"Then I apologize Dawn." He said ignoring my question and placing a hoof on my shoulder a moment before turning and walking up the ramp to the roof.

I stood alone for a moment confused yet again by the whiplash I had been given by this ponies change of tone, demeanor, and apparent age. Then I turned to the door that I assumed was where Rain was hiding and took a deep breath.

This was it! I can finally get to get some answers!

Don't count on it.

Shut it! Let me have this one, please.

Pushing open the door I stepped inside.

"Rain! I'm alive! I'm---" My words died on my lips.

The room beyond the door was a modest one. A few different cabinets lined the walls, cluttered with various nick-naks. A stove and toilet sat in opposite corners of the room and pushed along the back wall lay a bed. A thin trickle of red liquid dripped onto the floor at the head of it and I couldn't help but stare at the body laying on it, an empty bottle of whiskey by her hoof, a bloody knife sitting where she had left it in her throat.

No....why?

Told you not to count on it silly pony.

The door closed behind me as I took a shaking step forward, my front legs now suddenly much weaker. It was as if the healing powder never existed.

"Rain?" I asked stepping towards the familiar blue mare. "What? Why did you?"

No, this wasn't happening. I had done everything asked of me only to find....this?

Placing my hooves on her chest I stared at her for a long moment. That's when the weight of it hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was, standing in front of my dead friend, cut down by her own hoof no less, and I couldn't remember a single thing about her. I took a step away.

"No." I heard myself whisper, "That's not fair."

It wasn't fair! This mare was a friend that delved into a nest of evil psychotic raider's to save me and...and she had killed herself thinking that she had failed. This wasn't right, and the worst part about it was that I couldn't even feel sad for her.

"I don't even know you and you....you died because of me." I muttered stepping towards her again to pull the knife from her throat.

I recalled the surveillance footage from the Stable. She had given up because she thought that she couldn't save me. My heart felt suddenly heavy and I breathed a deep sigh of sorrow for...what? Her? No? I didn't know this pony. The most I could do was feel sorrow for the circumstances that had lead to this and would lead from it.

That was all I could do.

I couldn't feel sorry for this mare, only the situation?

I've gotta do better than that don't I?

"You did save me Rain." I tried for her, placing the knife on the floor. "You did save me."

I didn't know what else to do. She was gone and there wasn't anything else that I could learn by staying here. It felt cold hearted but it was true. I turned away from her and heard the clatter of something metal falling to the floor. Turning back, I found a small square box just about the size of my hoof. Her front legs had slipped from her chest when I had turned away and, almost like a gift dropped this.

You don't want this gift Dawn. Leave.

But...

I stooped and picked it up, turning over the metal square in my hooves. My mind pulled out a name from the darkness surrounding me.

"It's a Holotape." I muttered glancing back to the mare.

Turning over my PipBuck I slipped the tape in and downloaded the sound file. It took me a while fumbling with the damn computer to make it do what I wanted, but then a green button lit up on the screen saying 'Play'. I hit it and, for a moment, there was just silence, followed by static, and then:

"Well, here I am." A very drunken sounding Rain muttered through the speaker on my pipbuck, "Back at this goddessforsaken outpost shoving these goddessforsaken papers through and trying to stay alive. Fuck you Dawn." I gasped at the venom in which she said my name but then her voice changed in an instant and held all of the sweetness in the world. "Fuck you for making me love you."

It made me hurt in ways I didn't know I could hurt and I found solace in that fact. This mare needed somepony to hurt for her. She had obviously been hurting so much that it had killed her.

"But no, you had to be hung up on that fucking stallion. Well alright, I guess I understand. I couldn't help that I loved you just like you couldn't help that you loved him. That's what Berry always told me -hic- never helped though." The sound of her drinking filled my ears for a few seconds. "Think that maybe we can get together on the other side? Maybe just have a little fun? Heeheehee, I swear I'd make you forget all about what a stallion could do." A pause. "Would that be necrophilia?" I almost hit the stop button, this was just sad and pathetic and wrong but I decided to give her this much.

"Guess not. We'll both be dead right.....Dawn, I'm sorry girl. I tried to hold on, I really did but after I left Berry I....I just don't know what to do. I know he'd take me back but....but I don't want him to." Her voice caught in her throat and now I could hear her crying freely. "I don't want him to take me in his arms and tell me it's going to be okay. I don't want him to tell me that there's another way because I know he'll be lying. He hasn't given up on you Dawn....He's going back to the bunker and he's going to keep trying to save you." She stopped again to take another drink. "Maybe he'll succeed, he's got a hundred of those tin can's helping him right?" Suddenly she sounded hopeful, and I couldn't image that the voice on the recording was the same voice of the pony that now lay dead before me. " We could---He could head back to Stable 40 and save you like the hero he is." The laughter that followed was hollow and tired, like wind passing through an old train tunnel and with it the hope died in her throat.

"Maybe.....I hope he kills that Raider bitch again!" The sudden anger that flared up in her voice caught me off guard and almost made me trip over the whiskey bottles littering the floor. She was losing a battle, that much I was starting to understand. "I shot that mother fucker three times in the throat for you! I swear I did...I promise I did...." I listened to her cry for a full two minutes just standing and staring at her body. "Didn't bring you back though. Still laying dead on that medical table." The sound of shifting scratched its way into the audio.

"Dawn, I don't care anymore. I love you dear. Always had, since that first time I saw you heading my way. Remember when we met? You strode up to the front gate and demanded passage into the Capital Wasteland." I could hear the clinking of empty bottles, now. "I told you that you were running to your death but you said that a better pony than you deserved to live and that if I didn't let you through that you'd....what was it again? Kick my teeth in? Hot little shit back then weren't ya?" I could picture her story, our story and it hurt. "Thought you were the sexiest fucking mare I'd ever seen....damn, out of whiskey...oh well, I won't be around long enough to get sober.....I was the only one on patrol that night, and there was something about you that made me want to help. I could see your heart from the very beginning. I told you that no one could cross into that wasteland unattended and you grabbed me and started dragging me towards the unknown. You dragged me a long way love."

The recording went silent and I started to wonder if that was it. Then I heard a deep breath.

"Dawn, I know you'd kill me hearing me talking like this but....but if you do somehow manage to get back to me....I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I never told you. I'm sorry I wasn't quick enough to save you, and I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to live long enough to see you again." She said and I wanted to tell her that I forgave her and that she didn't have to do this, but it was already too late. I was already too late.

"You're the best of us Dawn. Better than this wasteland deserves. Goodbye love."

The next sound was the worst sound I had ever heard. I shut off the recording as soon as she began choking on her own blood. Sitting down, I noticed that I had been crying but couldn't remember when it started. She was a good pony and didn't deserve any of this. Even in death she still gave me a piece of what I was looking for, she gave me a memory. I looked up at her laying on her bed, and that's when a thought occurred to me. Why was she here?! Bolting to my hooves, I kicked open the door to her room and mounted the ramp to the roof.

Saber Sheen was still there and all of the anger from earlier rebounded ten fold.

"WHY ISN'T SHE BURIED?!" I screamed at the commander who turned away from his whiskey to look at me as calmly as if I had asked the weather.

"She isn't buried because she didn't want to be." He said simply.

"What the fuck do you mean she didn't want to be?!" I yelled, my breathing suddenly ragged with the effort it took to be this kind of angry.

"She didn't like the thought of being eaten away." He said quietly, drinking the last of his whiskey.

The gall this pony had. I'd kill him if he said another stupid fucking thing like that!

"How the fuck do you know Commander?!" I spat. "How do you know that she would rather rot in her own bed than be laid to rest?"

"I know." He said pouring another shotglass full.

"Tell me how you sack of shit!" I screamed stepping closer. "Tell me how you know that!"

"A father knows his daughter." He said making my world suddenly stand on its head. " and he would also not let her rot."

Wait....what? No. That wasn't fair! I needed someone to rage at and he was her fucking father!?

This is bullshit!

"Have a seat." He said pulling up a stool around to the other side of the table where his whiskey sat.

My anger continued to boil over at this whole fucking day but I had no pony to direct it at and so it just rebounded on my mind like waves against the shore. First I lost my companion, then I found one of the only two ponies that knew my past dead, and now I had called the father of said pony a sack of shit.

Great going Dawn!

After a moment I found the strength to sit on the stool as the Commander poured another glass of whiskey and slid it across the table to me. We sat in silence for a long time, me staring into the whiskey, wishing that it would burst into flame just so I could feel like I killed something. When it didn't, I simply drank the stinging liquid and slid the shotglass back for a refill. The stinging in my throat helped to push down my anger enough to speak.

"I'm....I'm sorry." I shuddered.

"Don't be, Dawn." He said kindly, taking another drink. "My daughter loved you, you know?"

"I know." I said downing another shot, feeling like the worst pony in this hell of a wasteland filled with terrible ponies.

"But you didn't love her." He said, and his words held no hate.

"I did!" I snapped, a knee jerk reaction.

Looking inwardly, I tried to force memories of our time together but nothing came. Like always, my mind was empty except for small tidbits of this memory and that, like snapshots of a time long past. Like the world I lived in, my mind seemed to only hold the ruins of what came before.

"But not in the same way." He finished a sentence I didn't know I was saying. "You do know that she didn't blame you. She merely wished for something more than what she got."

I could imagine us sitting around a campfire, her, Berry and I. Talking, laughing and I would look up at the clouds only for her to be staring at me. I hated myself for this image, one because it was completely manufactured and two, because for some reason, I believed that it had happened not once, but many times.

I stared at the old stallion and couldn't help but feel the wrongness of this entire conversation. He didn't know that I had no idea. So, I explained what had happened. Everything. It was a short story, and one that hurt me infinitely to tell but when it was done the look in his eyes told me that I had made the right choice. He understood....

"Saber Sheen?" I asked suddenly feeling small.

Wait where had all the fire gone? I didn't like feeling like a filly, so small and weak and insignificant. I wanted to be angry again but there was nothing there, it had burned away to ash as I had told my story. Only hot coals remained.

"Yes dear?" He replied.

"Could you....please tell me about her?" I asked feeling more tears stream down my cheeks as he poured another shot and handed it to me.

He nodded and after a long moment, he began, recalling his daughter's birth and younger days.

That's when I learned of this pony that had died because of me.

Rain and Commander Saber Sheen left from the Capital Wasteland, shortly after her mother died, as part of the first group the NCR had organized to scout out new lands and lend aid to ponies in need. The NCR's arbiter, a griffon named Gawdyna, had started a rapid expansion of NCR territory once it became apparent that not only did the NCR have the power to, but also a need for, expansion. Saber Sheen explained that the council that ran the NCR had calculated that even with all of the good the Lightbringer (the semi founder of the army) had done, that they still had limited fuel and would need to begin expanding to find more before they ran out. They estimated a good 15 years before the need was crippling but, Saber Sheen chuckled, explaining that Gawdyna was a shrewd griffon and wouldn't fail for lack of trying early on.

He explained how their group had set up shop here in this pass as a way to not try and encroach on other's territory before they could get some sort of decent reputation going. They sent a regiment of their army, the Follower's of The Apocalypse, into the LasPegasus to lend aid to ponies who needed it. The group traveled throughout the wasteland and helped everypony that they could before returning with information on said wasteland. Rain worked closely with these ponies for a long time before setting down ties to the battle regiment of the NCR and making the Last Stop Outpost her home.

Saber Sheen almost glowed with pride as he recounted her quick rise through the ranks of the army before taking over his command.

"She worked here for almost a year until you came along." He said smiling at me as he concluded his story, "After that, she left with you and didn't return until just recently."

We both knew that she hadn't returned the same headstrong mare that she had been when she left. She had returned broken and I didn't need him to tell me that, the recording had said enough.

"I'm sorry...." I said my eyes welling up with tears.

I hated the tears almost as much as I hated myself at the moment.

"I'm sorry I let her down."

"She let herself down. She gave up, but you? You are a good pony Dawn. Maybe one of the best the LasPegasus Wasteland has seen." He said gently placing his hoof on my chin forcing me to look at him, "You have made it possible for many ponies here to live and even prosper in some places. You have saved lives Dawn."

I could barely catch his words from the downward spiral I suddenly found myself at the bottom of. I didn't know if it was emotional exhaustion or the whiskey.

"But I couldn't save her." I said feeling miserable, ignoring the praise. "I took too long getting here."

"And just what did you do while you were 'taking too long'?" He asked, his bushy eyebrows raising. "From the way I've heard tell of it, you saved a town from those who had it imprisoned, and from your very own words you have struck a major blow to Kaiser's Legion in this area by ridding it of a zebra Pretoriate."

"But I didn't do either of those things. The only thing I did was screw up so someone else had to do it." I moaned pulling my face away and pressing my horn into the table.

"Had to? Or could?" He asked in his simple way of talking that made me feel like a filly.

I sat there gently sobbing as the warm liquid washed over me and only made it easier to cry.

"We will burn Rain tomorrow." He said after a long pause, standing up and picking up the bottle. "I do hope you will still be here. It would mean something to her."

"Could you leave the bottle?" I asked, letting self pity take over me.

I hadn't saved Primrose, I hadn't killed the zebra Pretoriate, and I for damn sure didn't save Rain. I really was, as Deuce had said, useless. The following hour was a blur as I drank the rest of the whiskey and fell into unconsciousness. The dreams were terrible in their peacefulness because I knew that I didn't deserve them either. In the dream, I sat around a campfire with Rain and Berry, only this time it was I who stared at Rain as she looked into the heavens.

The light of dawn awoke me before the sound of hoofbeats on the ramp did. My head pounded and my mouth had a gunk in it that I didn't believe I would ever stop tasting.

"Good morning Dawn." A familiar voice said.

Looking up, I saw Private Tinderhoof standing at the top of the ramp.

"The ceremony will be starting soon, you should get ready. The barracks showers are free at the moment." He said looking at me apologetically. "Sorry we didn't have a better room for you than this roof. Though the Commander did say that this is were you would want to wake up anyway."

"A 'better room'." I scoffed, pulling myself to my hooves shakily. "I don't deserve your kindness Tinderhoof."

I was feeling like shit and goddesses knew I deserved it.

Still wallowing are we?

"Well, the showers are open and, you should take a bath because you smell like vomit." He said bluntly.

So that explained the gunk in my mouth.

I shivered and spit over the edge of the rood, then turned to follow Tinderhoof to the showers. The next hour passed by with incredible slowness. Every movement I made caused my head to throb painfully, but once I stood in the cold water of the shower my mind started to clear. The ice cold water was lessening the vice that had attached itself to my skull. Washing out my mouth, I spit the gunk into the drain and started cleaning my mane as I pieced together last night's events, staring into a small mirror beneath the shower head.

Go ahead, hurt a little.

My mind tried to skip over the scene in Rain's bedroom but I refused and forced it through every moment. I wasn't going to let myself get off easy. If I couldn't feel any more for this mare that killed herself over me than a distant sadness, I was going to feel that sadness as much as I could.

Damn right, you kinda fucking suck, so go ahead and hurt a lot!

My headache was almost gone now. That wouldn't do, I thought morbidly. I recalled the tears from the night before and slammed my horn into the shower wall making my hungover headache rampage back into being.

You're weak Dawn.

I know.

I hated myself for those tears. Most of them anyway, because most of them were for me. They were for the poor broken little filly that couldn't remember anything. They were for the moment when the poor little filly saw something that she knew was supposed to make her feel complete sadness, and instead she cried because she couldn't feel that lost.

"Pathetic." I muttered ramming my horn into the bathroom wall again for good measure.

Any good the shower had done me was overwhelmed by the pain in my head now.

Good, you deserve it.

That's enough Dawn, you do know that you're just feeling more sorry for yourself.

No, this is payback there's a fucking difference, and stop arguing with me, I'm not in the mood.

I was beginning to hate these little talks with myself.

I shut off the shower, grabbed a towel and began drying myself off. I shook off the remaining water and nearly ran into Tinderhoof as I opened the door and stepped outside.

"Oh, hey Dawn!" He yelped, stepping back to keep me from knocking him over or vice versa. "You look better."

I just shrugged, not really feeling up to chatting at the moment.

"Well, the services are starting." He said after I didn't offer him anything back. "This way."

I followed the soldier back around behind the barracks and noticed that a large pile of wood had been arranged in a box some three feet high.

"Hey, little one!! Come watch! Your mommy is going to go up in smoke. Pachoooo!" The voice sounded like gravel and the laughter that accompanied it, a sick sound of joy and hate.

I almost tripped at the horrible feeling the voice in my head brought on. Stopping in my tracks I shook my head until the laughter inside subsided.

"-Dawn?" Tinderhoof was staring at me again. "Do you want to?"

"Want to what?" I asked looking up at him, obviously I had missed something.

"Do you want to help carry Rain?" He said, "The Commander is her only living kin so he'll be doing it alone."

Blinking at the thought of the old stallion having to carry his daughter to her resting place alone, I swallowed down the bile rising in my throat and nodded.

"Yeah." I muttered.

"He's in her room paying his last respects. You should go in and tell him we'll be ready in five minutes." Tinderhoof said gesturing to the ponies and griffon's coming from the barracks.

One griffon, I recognized as Ghost, the other's were strangers to me though. For some reason it caught me as odd that there were so many griffon's in one place. Ghost nodded solemnly to me as she caught my eye. This must be why she wasn't at her post today, I assumed as I returned the gesture before turning and walking towards Rain's room.

It had been cleaned since the night before. There was no more blood and no more bed. All of the cabinets had been taken from the room including the stove and even the toilet. In their place sat a single table where Rain now law, a black blanket thrown over her. I thought for a moment how deeply I must have slept to have missed all of the moving going on beneath me.

The commander stood looking down at his daughter's face. I noticed that someone had sewn her throat closed and was surprised at the relief I felt for that fact. Upon my entering, Saber Sheen looked up and turned to face me, a sad smile on his lips.

"Good to see you up and about so early." He said and I could see that his one good eye was wet and glossy.

"Yeah." I said with a nod.

"You're going to help me aren't you?" He breathed and I couldn't tell if he was grateful or upset by this.

"Nothing in this wasteland could stop me." I said with a nod, then rethought that statement and added, "Except for you, sir."

He stared at me for a moment before shaking his head.

"I couldn't tell you no even if I wanted to," He sighed. "Which I don't."

Yeah right, you know you hate me for killing your kid.

I nodded and stepped over to Rain. The nothingness I felt for this mare made me sick. She was a close friend but my brain didn't know that. I couldn't help but grimace.

"Stop bucking yourself over it Dawn." The old one beside me said placing a hoof on my shoulder. "Won't do anything."

"I just hate the fact that I sit here, being the cause for this fucking tragedy and I can't even bring myself to feel something for this mare, because, to my mind I never met her to begin with." I said looking at the father who had lost so much. "Doesn't that bother you? Don't you hate me for it?"

"I learned a long time ago that hate isn't something that can heal a wound like this." He said gently touching his daughter's face. "It only tears it open and makes it bleed. It leaves a scar behind so deep that it never fully heals."

"That's a cop out and you know it." I said looking away from her.

"Maybe, but it's also a truth that I nearly died to learn." He said making me look at him. "I have a question to ask you."

"What?" I asked pity for myself and sadness for this father beating out my anger.

"Are you going to make this right or are you going to wallow in it?" He asked and I felt like I had been slapped.

"I can't fix this!" I snapped back in response, indignant anger raising up to take the lead in my chest. "How the hell are you supposed to fix dead?"

Good, anger. Anger was safe....

Some emotion flashed across his face, but it was so quick I couldn't understand what it was. I only knew what it wasn't. It wasn't anger.

"No. But you can spend the rest of your life doing everything you can to make up for it." He said refusing to look away. "You can do that."

"How?" I asked feeling the anger subside again, I tried to grab onto it and wrap it around me like a security blanket but something in his gaze stole it from me.

"I'd suggest finding Berry as soon as possible and telling him that your alive. Then..."He said with a pause. "Finish what you came here to do."

Find Berry, finish what I came to do. Find Berry....finish....

It was something. Something better than this smallness that was consuming me.

I nodded looking back to Rain.

"It's time." I said walking over to one end of the table.

"I suppose it is." He said stepping over to the other.

We bent low and placed either end of the table over our backs and, lifting together, raised Rain into the air. Stepping out of her room we stared for a moment at the regimen of NCR soldier's standing at attention in two long lines leading to the pyre that would serve as her final resting place.

Walking towards the pyre, our heads bowed, the two of us lay her down gently on the top of it then stood to the side as two soldiers wearing the same large barreled battle saddle stepped up about five feet away from the the body.

"Begin salute!" Saber Sheen suddenly barked sounding nothing like his kind self and more like the commander whose clothes he wore.

On either side of us the NCR raised their weapons to the sky and fired a single shot into each of the wastelands. Another ten seconds passed and they fired again.

Spend the rest of your life making up for this? I thought as the boom of the rifles sounded again and again.

Making up for what Dawn?

This life that I stole by being too damn slow. I will not stop again.

BOOM!

For anything?

Yes for anything?

And if another pony is in trouble.

BOOM!

They can die.

Then what of them? Isn't that another life that you owe.

Some lives are more important than others.

BOOM!

"Light the pyre!" Commander Sheen barked, and the two ponies wielding the overly large barreled battle saddle bit their triggers.

Flames erupted from the barrels and, this close to the pyre, singed my fur. My bangs were singing turning black and curling up, crawling towards my face. Glaring at the flames I could feel my skin beneath my coat scream out in pain but I refused to move. Out of the corner of my eye I watched the commander suffer the same in silence.

Do you truly believe that?

Yes.

Then who's decision is it to decide which life is important?

Mine.

Are you so high and mighty?

No, but I refuse to feel this way again.

Oh! Look at poor pitiful you.

That's it, shut the fuck up! I'm done arguing with you! I'm done having a 'you' to even argue with! I will not be late again!

I bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood.

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." The voices of fillies and colts filled my mind along with the strange movement that went along with it.

I watched a little cherry red filly swipe her hoof over her heart. A little blue colt waved his hooves as if trying to fly. All the while, a little orange filly sat at the back of the class and placed her hoof into her eye as if smushing a pastry against it, glaring at the two.

I noticed, in some dis-attached far off way, that my proximity to the flames had caused my bangs to catch fire and the tongues of heat were crawling up my face. The heat left searing trails of pain from my chin up my cheek. As the flames reached my right eye I stamped it out finishing the movement that accompanied the little nursery rhyme that had suddenly popped into my head. That little orange filly was me and for some reason I knew that the dark glare on her face in the memory mirrored my own.

I will not be late to save my friend again.

The rest of the ceremony was short lived, the flamethrowers had made short work of the pyre and my friend with it. The Commander had offered no more words to me or anyone else and simply returned to his daughter room in silence. After that, the rest of the regiment quickly abandoned the area, some crying in silence, other's indifferent. I wanted to hurt those that seemed to feel nothing. I wanted to make them feel something, even if that something was pain.

Standing, staring at the scorch mark on the ground where Rain had been, I couldn't help but glare.

"Hey Dawn?" I heard the familiar voice of Ghost before I turned my gaze on her.

She stopped in her tracks as I glared at her.

"Yeah Ghost?" I asked trying to lighten my tone but finding it incredibly difficult.

"I heard you were close to her so I wanted to offer you my condolences." She said awkwardly, pushing her helmet father back on her head.

"Yeah we were." I said mentally wincing at how the word, 'were' hit my own ears.

"So what are you going to do now?" She asked, looking away from me scratching the back of her neck.

"Going to find another friend." I muttered, "and this time I'll make it in time. I refuse to be without my memories any longer."

"Well maybe this will help?" She asked reaching into her bags and holding out a pack of foodstuffs with a smile. For some reason I hated that fucking smile,

"Know where they went? Your friend, I mean."

"No I don't dodobrain." I snapped, swiping the package into my saddlebags, "I get to search this entire fucking wasteland for him. Turn over every fucking rock and rummage through every fucking trash bin."

"Whoa. Sorry I asked." She yelped taken aback, it made me feel good to see that smile go. "Good luck I guess. I like your new hairdo by the way."

She was trying to leave.

No, that wasn't happening, especially not with the send off of 'I like your new hairdo'! It happened because of the fucking fire you moron! It's not a fashion choice! I felt a burning hate suddenly well up in my heart, it bit at me. This was different than anger, this was all consuming.

"Now hold on! Does the little birdie have any helpful fucking hints for a lost little lamb." I growled stepping towards her, something told me that she knew something and she was going to help me damn it.

"Whoa girl! Back up a little." She said holding up her talons in a sign of weakness, taking a step back. "Look I know you have had a really bad time but you're looking at me like a hungry manticore and I don't much appreciate it."

Taking a step to her side I pushed forward and when I did, the fucking chicken backed herself into a nice corner for me.

"Do I look like I give a fuck?! He was heading north! Where was Berry going?" I growled my nostril's flaring, I don't know how I knew but something told me that this fucking bird knew where he was, something in the way she kept shrinking away from me, and if she knew something that was going to help me get to him sooner rather than later then I'd kill the birdie bitch over it.

"Look I don't know Dawn! I don't know who you're talking about but if they're heading north and Red Light's busted then he must be heading to LasPegasus!" The griffon squawked.

Pressing my muzzle against her beak I snorted.

"You better not be lying to me chicken, or I'll make your name fit you to a motherfucking T." I growled shoving her back into the wall before turning to leave the outpost.

The ponies still standing around gawked at me as I pushed my way past them and out through the gate. If I wasn't in such a fucking hurry I would have made them regret it. The pistol in my saddlebags was suddenly feeling really friendly.

Fucking pathetic! Couldn't even keep one of their own from taking the cowards way out.

Stop it Dawn!

Now I knew how Deuce had felt, owing a life debt.

At least that bitch was able to repay her's to the pony she owed.

She didn't owe you remember, she saved your ass.

Yeah, yeah, that's not how I've heard it.

Finally free of The Last Stop, I started galloping and didn't stop until I was halfway to Red Light again. Back on flat ground, I slowed my pace a little, breathing heavily. My chest was hurting and with every twinge of pain I could feel my hate it itself away, no longer having no one to direct it at.

Stopping where Deuce and I had camped previously, I opened the bag of supplies the griffon had given me and scarfed down a box of snack cakes and some strange meat. It tasted great and also familiar so I was content with the meal. Pulling out a bottle of water, I chugged it down and laid back. I couldn't help but smiling to myself, happy to be rid of that stupid outpost.

What kind of name was The Last Stop anyway?

I rested for a moment in the shade, looking up at the cloudy sky above. The angry dark clouds swirled here and there painting pictures of blood and death in my mind. I saw a cloud that made me think of a scorpion stinging a father trying to protect his colts.

Tough luck, I thought.

You're going to have some tough luck too if you don't start paying a little more attention. Just laying here, wide open for anyway to take potshots at.

I had a point. No telling what dangers lurked nearby. Snorting in laughter at the melodramatic thought I nonetheless took out my pistol and began looking it over. How had I ever hated this thing. It was cool. It was power in this wasteland right? I thought about Primrose that suddenly went from being a city of prisoner's to a city of badasses just because they got their hooves on some guns.

You're remembering it wrong.

Shaking my head, I lay the gun on my chest and closed my eyes. I almost started dozing when I heard something moving down the road. I rolled quickly to my hooves and crouched down low on the wall and checked my Eye's Forward Sparkle, shifting my pistol in my mouth. Sure enough, two yellow lines were heading my way from the direction of Red Light. Raider's? Legion?

I didn't know but I damn sure wasn't going to be caught sleeping.

As the two lines neared me, I waited until two ponies came into view and quickly took stock. One was a brown male with very little barding.

No threat, I can take him easily.

The other was a mare, a little taller, about my size, in leather.

She's first, I thought as they failed to notice me in the shade of the walls.

Easy fucking targets! I kicked on S.A.T.S and lined up my shots, two into her stupid fucking indigo mane and one into his neck, I had decided.

I wasn't going to be caught napping by these raiders. I was going to shoot first! Better to do that than to be dead, I thought closing an eye before I pulled the trigger.

I realized that this was going to get bloody and for some reason the thought filled me with a sick twisted sort of joy. Too bad, them's the brakes fuckers!

I felt my tongue twitch with anticipation, one more pound of pressure on the trigger and...

WAIT!

I watched them walk on by me as I clicked off the targetting spell. Suddenly shaking, I leaned against the cool brick of the wall and spat the pistol into the dirt at my hooves. What the fuck was wrong with me!?

"HEY!" The stallion yelled turning to face me, a small pistol in his teeth already.

I could barely focus on them as I tried to reestablish who the hell I thought I was.

Was I really about to shoot those two?

They could be raider's and if so, you're fucked now.

"Hold on Pinwheel!" The female said looking over at me. "She must be hurt."

And now comes the looting.

Can't you....I....hear that she's fucking concerned?

The headache from earlier was coming back with a vengence. It was like all of a sudden that bathroom wall was breaking against my horn and in return my skull was splintering. Putting my hooves over my head, I whinned as I tried to keep my skull together.

Get the fuck up!

I grit my teeth even harder and tried to rid the thoughts from my mind. The shaking had my entire body in it's grip and only made the headache worse. I felt tears of pain drip down my muzzle onto the desert sands, my head dropping into the dirt exausted.

I could hear movement close by and when I looked up I saw the female pony looking down at me with cautious concern.

"You alright there traveler?" She asked kneeling down to look at me as the one named, Pinwheel walked closer, his pistol still in his teeth. "Now I'm not normally the judgemental type but you look like you're withdrawing."

"Uh....what?" I asked more to myself than to her, trying to right myself.

The headache refused to let me up from the ground.

"Are you okay?" She asked again, slower. "Look's like you're needing a fix."

Drugs? No, I was pretty sure I'd remember that. I looked up at the mare and winced at the light filtering through the clouds. With a massive amount of effort I pushed off from the ground and sat up. The mare was looking at me in a sort of shield concern and I tried to smile to let her know I was at least sane but that was when I saw the pistol at my feet.

I could hear myself audibly yelp as I kicked it away from me. Scrambling back, I tried to get a grip on myself again.

The shaking wouldn't fucking stop!

The female who stared back at me with much more caution than concern now, shifted uneasily. I could almost hear the thoughts in her head, 'well fuck, she's a lunatic.'

She's going to shoot you now, you know that right? Can't have you stabbing her in the back.

Taking in a deep breath, I tried to put on a look that wasn't insane in spite of the dark thought. The shaking slowly ebbed away and I exhaled, shaking my head.

"I'm fine." I said but I couldn't help but stealing a glance at the gun. "Thank you for your concern."

"Uh huh." The mare said following my gaze, standing up and taking a step back, "Well....alright then."

I tried to think of something to say. Anything to explain the reason for acting this way but anything I thought of just made me sound more nuts. So instead, I stood up slowly and kicked the pistol over to the male who still had his clenched tight in his teeth. He looked like he was about to wet himself.

"Here, this looks like it's in a little better shape than yours." I said, the look on his face made me almost want to laugh.

In fact I was almost one hundred percent certain that I would have had I not been the victim of the worst headache that I was sure had ever plagued pony kind.

Even though my experience in the wastes was small, I knew ponies just didn't walk around giving guns to complete strangers. I dropped the box of 9mm ammo and turned to walk away.

"Hey, crazy pony." The mare said giving up on trying to be courteous, "thanks and all, but...do you have a death wish?"

I chose to ignore her and continued on my way to Red Light. I tried to piece together what moments had lead up to me nearly putting a bullet in two innocent ponies.

"How in the fuck did you talk to Ghost like that?" I said in sudden horror at myself.

Looking down at the heat cracked road, I stopped and stared at my hooves. Something was wrong, this much I knew but what in the hell was it? I was almost certain that I wasn't the kind of pony that would treat a friend that way, that was just cruel. I was a good pony, that was what the commander had said right?

I was suddenly feeling exausted, even more than I had the day I woke up after almost eating a grenade. Thinking back I remembered Ace's bright face as he bounded up to see me.

"I'm sorry Ace." I muttered shaking my head and sighing.

I wasn't exactly sure why I had said it. I guess I just knew how disappointed in me he would have been if he had seen the way I had been acting today. Reaching into my saddlebags I pulled out the goggles he had given me and put them on. For some reason, that made me feel better. The pressure in my skull lessened significantly and I was able to take another step forward towards Red Light. It didn't explain anything, I was still confused as hell but it did something good for me just picturing the bouncing colt that gave them to me, even if I had to think about how ashamed he would be of me at the moment.

Well I didn't shoot them, I thought trying to make myself feel better.

Congratulations Dawn, I thought back sarcastically.

I shook my head and continued looking ahead. I noticed several dead ant's laying across the road and silently thanked the two traveler's that I had nearly shot, for dealing with this mess. I was weaponless now and was fairly certain that I would have become ant chow if they had still been alive.

Eventually I reached the sign post labeled 'Red Light' and felt a sense of pride as I looked down and noticed that the shifting sands had almost fully consumed the wooden whore sign.

I trudged up the hill and passed the first buildings of Red Light, stopping to try and figure out where to go from here. I slipped behind a building and checked my E.F.S. I sighed a sigh of relief as it came up empty of anypony, hostile or otherwise. The townhall loomed ahead with the remains of the two dead Legion's baking in the heat. I could almost smell it from where I stood some several feet away and decided that I refused get any closer. It was slightly disturbing that I couldn't see the Pretoriates body though. My mind suddenly, and forcefully, raced from one insane possibility to another, ranging from him coming back from the dead like me, to aliens.

I forced the insane thoughts from my mind, the crossroad's of Red Light were before me. Taking one last look around, I proceeded down the right path that circumvented the town and headed out through a plateau heading north.

Not over, or around, but literally through the plateau.

It at least momentarily distracted me from my timultiuous thoughts for a moment musing at the ponies of the past who had broken through solid rock to build a road. The rock walls of the plateau stetched up some ten to twenty feet on either side of me as I walked, creating a sort of pony made canyon and casting a nice bit of shade that cooled my heat licked body. Today wasn't getting any cooler dispite the cloud cover. It was hot and humid and my coat stuck to my skin like a wet blanket.

Taking a break, I leaned against the rock face and stared up at the cliff above, thinking about this road. It was like a hoofshake between cities. It was in this train of thought that I almost didn't notice the rock that slipped from the top of the cliff my back was pressed against and crashed to the road below.

Nearly jumping out of my skin, I frantically checked my E.F.S and saw a red bar wink out.

"Damn it!" I hissed getting to my hooves and pressing against the wall as close as I could.

Something or somepony was watching me, and I definitely didn't like the feeling of being watched by unknown entities. I waited, listening intently for a long moment before something glinted along the top of the rock face. I was suddenly very grateful for the bright light of day that had escaped the cloud cover. I looked up and squinted at it turning my head slightly to get a better look. It was metal and glass and it kinda looked like a....oh shit....scope!

I dropped to the road as the shot rang out, chunks of the rock wall behind me blowing out and sticking me in the back.

I shook the stone splinters off and jumped to my hooves. I bolted as fast as I could down the road, deciding that staying in the same place to let them have target practice wasn't the smartest idea. If somepony was wanting to shoot me, I intended to make said act as difficult as possible. I wasn't going to turn back and I desperately needed to get out from this kill box. I poured on the speed, my hooves pounding the pavement beneath me, as another shot echoed in my ears, followed by yet another. Glancing up, I noticed that there were now at least three of them shooting down at me.

These ponies were terrible shot's, I thought zigging and zagging down the road.

Or they're not trying to kill you.

I almost stumbled at the thought, but I could see the end of the canyon just ahead, twenty feet and closing, and I wasn't going to stop now.

I just need to run a little faster!

Another barrel had added it's 'BOOM' to the cacaphony of the first three, I could hear the bullet's hitting closer and started doubting the disconcerning though.

I could literally hear them as they zoomed by.

No they're trying to kill me, good.

Under any other situation, I probably would have laughed at the absurdity of the thought but I was being shot at so....run now, laugh later.

No shit!

Reaching the end of the canyon, I started searching desperately for some place to hide but my vision was blocked by steel bars.

Wait a second, what the fuck?!

A large cage sat wheeled out into the middle of the road it's front wall opened, ready for some stupid pony to run into it. That some stupid pony, I was begining to realize, was me. My hooves screamed out in pain as I tried to slam on the brakes but I quickly found that I already had too much momentum going to make such a speedy stop. My hooves clacked on the road beneath me, as I sat down to try and stop but instead, bruised a very sensitive area as I hit the lip of the cage. The momentum carried me forward and slammed me painfully into the cage face first. I fell onto my back with a scream and looked up through the bars, dazed as I heard the front wall of the cage shut behind me.

Okay, so I was right when I thought that they weren't trying to kill me, great!

"SON OF A-" I started to scream, when a sharp pain in the back of my neck silenced me and I fell forcefully into the maw of sleep.

LVL UP: "An Ancient Minotaur Once Said..."- When you need to you can throw your weight around to get your way, however this isn't the advisible way to make friends. Opens certain dialog options for the more forceful residents of the wasteland.

This fanfiction is based on Fallout Equestria by Kkat; a familiarity with the source material may aid your understanding.

You can read Fallout Equestria by Kkat on Equestria Daily

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/04/story-fallout-equestria.html