Pinie Pie was walking through town with a greatful purpose. She needed romance and only one kind would do: the kind with chocolate rain showers built in. She knew the thing that would make that happen for her was Discord so she had to plan how to free him without any of her friends finding out. They would spoil everything.
She trotted thinking really thoughtfully and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were there. She saw them and kidnapped them.
The Pony Police were hot on her trail but luckily she could outrun them because she was a horse.
She dragged the Cutie Mark Crusaders all the way over to the Canterlot Statue Garden where Discord's statue was and she was like "Hey you guys can you free this guy again"
the cutie mark Crusaders looked at Pinkie and said "what no go away"
she left them in Canterlot by themselves and went back to Ponyville to think of an alternate solution. She had it, mentally.
Applejack kicked her brother. "Ya dummy don't do that where I'm walking"
"sorry sis won't happen again"
"yer dern a-tootin and now oh look who we have here it's Pinkie Pie hi Pinkie Pie what can Ah do ya fer?"
"Applejac I need all of your resources for a very improtent project, " Pinkie said
she gave pinkie all of her things much to big mac's un-behest
Fluttershy and Angel Bunny were walking around doing some dumb horse stuff and pinkie pie ran up and said "I have all of Applejack's belongings can I give them to you for Angel Bunny's soul?"
"yes"
the transaction happened
Angel Bunny's soul was worth hundreds of millions of bits on the black market. It was so valuable that Pinkie Pie managed to trade it for a whole cake from Mr. and Mrs. Cake and it smelled like strawberries and gratitude. What would she do with the cake? Find out after the next scene break
The trading happened. She gave the cake to rainbow dash for a Rainbow Dash's hoof and she took the hoof to Twilight Sparkle and used it to mix a potion made of hoof.n She took the potion to Zecora who blessed it with catholic pony magic and then she sprayed the potion on herself to smell pretty.
"Here I come my darling", pinkie said.
woosh the scene transition goes by fast, "Pinkie Pie said," oh no I'm breaking the fourth wall again.
Discord sat in his statue well he stood I guess he didn't sit he was frozen in a standing position but Pinkie Pie walked up to him and said "yo babe let's kiss wanna kiss my lips"
Discord didn't say anything. He couldn't see or hear this pink thing in front of his statue.
She climbed on the top of the statue and knocked on the stone "knock knock anyone hojme are you there I wanna have love"
it wasn't working so she climbed back off. "I'll need a better plan," she thought to herself internally.
Canterlot Castle was splendid. Its splendiferous spires spun strikingly skyward. Pinkie Pie hoped into it and Luna was there. "Hey luna princess" pinkie said "{I have a favor to ask of you"
"wHAT pINKIE pIE DO YOU ASK OF mE lUNA"
"well ok listen do you know discord"
"yES"
"can you free him for me"
"ok BUT ONLY THE HEAD"
"that is cool do that please"
Luna snuck out of the castle with Pinkie Pie. Down to the cold in garden they went. Pinkie Pie looked at the statue with lust and longing and other similar things taht ponies feel sometimes.
"ok dISCORD WAKE UP"
discord wonke up but only his head "Oh hey my head is free hi but the rest of me isn't oh no :("
Pinkie Pie crawled lasciviously up onto discord's head "hey hunny you're all mine now"
"oh noooooo"
Pin,kei too k the discord statue back to ponyville and put it in her room. Her friends asked questions about it like "pinkie why did you free discord's head" and "pinkie what are you going to do with discord's partially-freed body" but she didn't answer those questions. Discord was too embarrassed to talk so he just stood there statuesque.
Pinkie arranged him in her room in Sugar Cube Corner in order to maximize her feng shui. The northeast chi flowed predominantly around Discord's weirdo horns. It made Pinkie feel serene and in control.
"Ok Discord now that I freed just your head do you love me"
"what pinkie pie no I don't you made me a statue along with your friends why would I love you now I'm a conscious head attached to a statue body this is the true embodiment of a living hell I hate you even more now"
"well not for long hehee!"
Pinkie Pie spent months mentally breaking Discord down.
"I love you Pinkie Pie!" Discord said.
"I love you too Discord now we can finally be the very close friends I've always wanted to be with you"
The discord head on a discord statue made out with pinkie pie it was kinda sloppy I guess but it was sweet and cute too just imagine it please
"So what are we going to do now with our new life?" discord asked.
"I don't know but it sure will be a good one"
"Stop right there, scacllawag!" Twilight Sparkle said from behind Pinkie.
"Oh no not all of every single one of my friends"
"We saw everything pink," Rainbow Dash admitted, "you can't be discord's wife he isn't even a pony he is a statue this is crazy stop it pinkie I implore you pin kie I ... I always loved you pinkie pie and it breaks my heart to see you with someone else"
"oh raindo dash how sweet but my heart belongs to discord!"
"ok"
"listen pinkie pie<" Applejack spoke up, "I know yer herts in da right place 'n' all but you have to face faccts sometimes a statue cannot go into legally binding civil union with a horse"
"says you"
"ok"
Fluttershy didn't say anything because she was too shy.
"Is that all of my friends?"
"No wait I have something to say too!"
"Oh yes Snails my fifth and best friend what is it?"
Snails looked at her friend and fellow element of harmony Pinkie Pie.
"I fully endorse and support your relation ship"
"Thank you you are a true friend!"
Pinkie Pie and Discord were inseparable. Everyone in Ponyville gossiped quietly about Pinkie's draconequustatue lover, but mostly there was acceptance and tolerance there. After all, in a town full of lesbians, being a statue-lover was like barely even a misdemeanor.
Still, sometimes Pinkie Pie wasn't completely in euphoric bliss.
That's a lie she was happy all the time.
But late at night,
when not even half of the ponies were still awake
Sometimes when you passed Sugar Cube Corner after Pinkie was asleep
Sometimes you could feel a strange feeling
It was like the feeling of a draconequus statue being depressed
Maybe Pinkie Pie's brainwashing efforts weren't perfect
Maybe there were flaws
Cracks in the façade.
Maybe, secretly
Maybe Discord was living a living nightmare.
Maybe he prayed every night for some pony to come and kill his head so that he wouldn't have to suffer bubble gum pony makeouts
Maybe that was the answer
Discord
He thought about his parents
They were jerks
Pinkie Pie is a jerk
but when she was awake,
he had to smile. he had to make everything look alright
It reminded discord of Stephen King's excellent novel, Misery.
Like, he was the protagonist being trapped against his will by a crazy woman who loved his stories except he didn't write any
he prayed for a death
Just kidding, the brainwash went without a hitch and Discord was eternally happy with Pinkie Pie forever.
The end.
