Trixie Invents Yoga Pants

by PresentPerfect

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Trixie
Length: 1328

Between illiterate friends, a loveless marriage, and Trixie's disturbingly amazing butt, it's no wonder Twilight has a headache.

While in Manehattan, trying to help Applejack with a problem, Twilight Sparkle runs into an old enemy. But Trixie seems to have changed for the better. She's settled down and started a fashion business. It's all Twilight could have hoped for the once ostentatious mare.

And sweet Celestia, her ass looks fantastic.

"...shot through with some quiet existential despair..." -horizon

Finished 69th out of 101 entries in the March 2015 writeoff, "The Best Medicine". Cover art by mrs1989!

Published 2016-04-22 13:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-22 13:00:02 UTC

Trixie Invents Yoga Pants

Trixie Invents Yoga Pants
by Present Perfect

"Puffah..." Applejack scrunched her nose up, staring intently at the sign in the boutique window. "Poofer..."

"Pferdewortprägungsbautechnik." Twilight sighed. "So you can't read Minotaur, AJ, so what? It's hardly the end of the world."

Applejack squinted once more at the sign, sighed, and kicked at the curb. "I dunno, Twi. I just feel like somethin's wrong with me."

"Something's wrong, all right," Twilight grumbled, feeling a headache coming on. "Remind me again why we got pony married."

Applejack shrugged. "Don't rightly know."

'Poofer' had to have been their fifteenth failed reading attempt in the last half hour. Maybe Manehattan's multicultural market district hadn't been the best place to conduct this particular experiment, but Twilight had needed to get some princess work done at one of the embassies in the area. Killing two birds with one stone had seemed a good idea at the time.

"Let's try something a little more familiar," she said. "This place seems to be Equestrian!" Putting on a smile, she trotted to the next storefront, and Applejack joined her, squinting at the signs anew.

"Luff... Lulla... Looler..."

"Wait." Twilight scrunched up her nose, peering at the sign as well. "LuluLamoon? Why is that name familiar?" She pressed her face to the glass. Said glass did not reveal its secrets, but it felt nice and cool against her aching forehead regardless.

Past ponnequins sporting stylish outfits lurked racks of designer clothes. Beyond them was a polished wooden floor, inlaid with strips of colorful wood. The ponies there sat or stood on foam mats, holding themselves in various contorted, painful-looking poses. Each wore colorful, form-fitting clothing made of a material Twilight couldn't identify at range. The place seemed to be, in total, a cross between a designer boutique and a gym, and nothing about that combination made any sense.

Twilight squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed at her temples.

"Dee... Desigg..."

"Designer," Twilight mumbled into the glass. "What are they doing in there?"

Applejack hemmed and hawed at the sign. Twilight groaned and smeared nose streaks all over the window while the plethora of unknowns ate away at her mind. A tinkle signalled the door opening, and a strident voice cut the tedium.

"Trixie does not wish to be rude, but would you two mind being homeless elsewh-- oh! Why, if it isn't Princess Twilight! What a pleasant surprise to have you visit Trixie's boutique!"

Twilight's headache only worsened as she corkscrewed her head to the side and beheld a familiar turquoise unicorn. Said unicorn also wore that strange form-fitting clothing, though hers was unsurprisingly star-spangled and shimmery where the other ponies' had been plain. The garment seemed to be a replacement for her otherwise absent cape and hat.

"Lulamoon," Twilight mumbled. "Trixie. Now stuff makes sense."

"Trixie?" Applejack's voice was, to Twilight's mind, needlessly loud. "Just what in the hay're you doin' here?"

Trixie smiled and fluttered her eyelashes. "After our last encounter, Trixie decided to travel the world and find herself. A showmare no longer, she has opened this Manehattan boutique to pursue her true passion!" She posed on her hind legs, twisting her body slightly away from them, one hoof on her hip. "Fashion!"

Applejack looked like she'd swallowed a worm. "Uh-huh."

"Trixie also discovered the magic of yoga while visiting distant lands!" She grinned over her shoulder. "And she created this wonderful fabric for ponies who wish to broaden their minds and live healthier lifestyles! I call this line 'Full-On Luna'. Doesn't Trixie's ass look fantastic?"

Twilight looked at Trixie's ass. It was large and round and rubbery, like a pair of water balloons covered in stars. The sheer fabric stretched over it in erudite ways, highlighting its pertness while suggesting far more than Twilight would ever have wanted to imagine about this particular mare. Twilight's wings flared full-sail. She could say nothing, so consumed was she by the boutique-licious booty before her eyes, as her headache faded into the vaguest of memories.

Trixie's ass was fantastic indeed, and nothing hurt anymore.

"Uh," said Applejack.

Trixie squealed, regaining her hooves. "Oh, but you absolutely must meet someone! Lu, dear," she called into the shop, "would you come out here please?"

A moment later, a lithe brown head emerged from the doorway. The thin face was feminine, with small eyes and a black nose. Fine, exotic gold jewelry adorned her ears and spilled over her forehead, amplifying her overall foreign countenance.

"What is it, beloved?" the mare asked, her voice carrying a soft accent. Trixie threw an arm around her neck.

Twilight struggled to keep her wings under control.

"Lucia, these are Trixie's Ponyville friends, Princess Twilight Sparkle and Apple, um, sauce?"

Applejack's mouth flattened. "Applejack."

"Yes, that one." Trixie grinned. "This is Lucia, Trixie's fiancee! She is the one who taught Trixie all about the wonders of yoga!" She pressed her nose against the other mare, who regarded her with a wry smile.

Applejack frowned and scratched her head. "Yer fiancee's a deer?"

"A barasingha actually," Lucia said, giving Applejack a tired look.

It was all Twilight could do not to facehoof. "Are you from Utter Proudest, perhaps?" she asked, giving a high-pitched, slightly mad giggle that would hopefully detracted from Applejack's faux pas. "In Whinndia?"

"I am," Lucia said, smiling and inclining her head at Twilight, "and proud of it. I am also proud to meet your acquaintance, Your Highness."

"Oh, please." Twilight laughed, waving her hoof. "You can just call me Twilight."

Trixie hugged Lucia close. "Isn't she wonderful? Such a talented mare, my Lu-Lu!"

"As talented as Trixie is forgetful," Lucia said, giving Trixie a chaste kiss on the cheek, "for class is not yet over! The teacher must return to her students!" She swatted Trixie's rear, which set it jiggling, much to Twilight's renewed delight.

Chagrin. It was definitely chagrin.

She glanced at Applejack, who had gone back to peering at street signs, tongue sticking out the side of her mouth. Something acid churned in Twilight's gut as she watched Trixie laughing and trotting back into the boutique, Lucia's gaze focused lovingly upon her.

"I-if you wouldn't mind," Twilight began, catching Lucia's eye, "I'd love to meet you two for lunch sometime or something. To talk about your homeland and Trixie's adventures!"

"I would be proud to share my story," Lucia replied. "And Trixie never tires of speaking about herself. But if you will excuse me, business calls. It was a pleasure to meet you both." She nodded to them before following Trixie back into the store.

Twilight let out a long, slow breath and craned her head back to glare daggers at her wings. Stupid wings. Always making her look bad.

"Buh..." said Applejack. "Booze..."

"Bus stop!" Twilight snapped. "It says 'bus stop'!"

Applejack sighed, frowned, grunted, and tossed her hat on the ground.

"Well, that tears it, then. I'm just plum illiterate." She snorted. "Now the bronies're gonna get mad."

Twilight found herself wishing Applejack had a nicer butt. With the buyer's remorse came her headache, renewed.

Author's Note

Once upon a time, I worked at an insurance agency, surfing the internet to find replacements for items that had been lost, stolen, burnt, etc. In the course of these activities, I came across a fashion site called LuluLemon. You can maybe see where this story came from now. ("Full-On Luna" is a reference to a line they had at the time. I can't find it now, I don't know how to fashion. D:) The rest of it is just plain old light-hearted ribbing. Also:

"Pferdewortprägungsbautechnik" is a dumb writeoff joke.

The barasingha is the state animal of Uttar Pradesh.

Thanks to horizon, M E Lovecolt, Deluxe Magnum, Majin Syeekoh and Captain Unstoppable for feedback, with apologies to the latter. Thanks as well to Jared Boyd (identify yourself, mortal!) for supporting this fic! You can vote for my next one here!