Carrot Cake's Compromising Courtshipby BronystoriesChaptersI could have sworn there was a second 'T'Minestrone MachinationsSelling Your BunsI could have sworn there was a second 'T'A teenage colt, with a yellow coat and an unkempt orange mane, trots down a road in Fillydelphia. It's early in the morning. Celestia is just now raising the sun through the purple twilight as she prepares to lower the moon. The colt looks up and sees the fabled 'Mare in the Moon.' “Ah, that's kids stuff.” he says, dismissively. The colt's name is Carrot Cake and, despite having turned 17, has yet to receive his cutie mark. Carrot's not worried about it, though. One reason for his lack of a cutie mark may be that, up until now, Carrot hasn't done much with his life. While other blank flanks run around trying to force their cutie marks to appear, Carrot is a slacker who doesn't do anything meaningful. However, his attitude changed recently when he saw a job opening that plays to his strengths. Carrot couldn't believe it his luck. He still had the news clipping from the help wanted section in his saddlebags. “Wanted: Skilled masterbaker to assist in bakery. Contact Butter Family Bakery for more information.” This place was looking to pay somepony to perform Carrot's favorite and most private of pastimes. It may have cost him a small fortune in hoof-moisturizing cream and tissues growing up, but his constant clopping was finally starting to pay off. “What kind of bakery would hire somepony to clop?” Carrot thought, “Maybe they plan to use my 'secret ingredient' for a new salty, sweet treat.” Carrot arrived at the Butter Family Bakery. The place looked too wholesome for the debauchery which obviously took place here, Carrot thought to himself as he walked in. Looking around the shop, Carrot's eyes were drawn to a blue filly with pink pigtails stocking shelves. She had her back to him and didn't hear him enter. She was listening to her Walkmane. Carrot thought she must be listening to the latest Maredonna tape. Something about the young mare was hypnotizing. Carrot couldn't help staring at her tight, blue butt as she bobbed in tune to her music. “She's also a blank flank,” Carrot Cake said to himself. “Buttercup, dear, we have a customer,” a white mare behind the counter said. “What, mom?” Buttercup asked, pushing her headphones back. “A guest,” Buttercup's mom repeated, “See what he needs.” The blue filly turned to look at Carrot. Their eyes met. Buttercup blushed at the strapping young stallion that stood before her. Carrot blushed as well. Taking her lollipop out of her mouth, Buttercup greeted him. “Wuh...welcome to the Butter Family Bakery,” she said, “Where we're bursting with buttery goodness! Would you care to sample a cherry tart?” Carrot was doing his best to act professional and not hit on the bosses' daughter. “I'm,” Carrot said, his voice cracking, “(ahem) I'm here to speak with your father about the job opening.” “Of course,” Buttercup's mom said, coming out from behind the counter, her long, pale, blond mane bouncing as she walked. She stood beside her daughter, facing Carrot Cake. “My name's Buttermilk,” she said, “I see you've already met my daughter, Buttercup.” Carrot looked at the daughter. He couldn't believe it; she was licking her lollipop seductively! Her tongue was caressing and wrapping around it, before putting it back in her mouth with a wink. Carrot started to sweat. “My husband, Butter Brickle, is in his office,” Buttermilk said, “Go on in.” As he approached the office door, Carrot shot a cursory glance behind him. Buttercup was watching him walk away. Once she realized he was watching her, she returned to her work. Carrot knocked at the door. “Come in.” Butter Brickle said. Carrot walking inside and stood there, looking anxious. Butter Brickle, a deep-blue earth pony with a golden-yellow mane and a thick mustache, sat behind his desk, pouring over papers.. “So you're applying for the job.” Butter Brickle said, “What qualifies you for this position over the other candidates?” “Well sir,” Carrot Cake said, trying to look as professional as possible, “It's said that a dream job is something you love to do, that somepony is willing to pay you to do and you can do it better than anypony else. That's what this job is to me.” “Hmm,” Butter Brickle mused, “How long have you been perfecting your craft? When did you start?” “I've had about five years experience,” Carrot Cake said, “It began when I started looking at old issues of Equestrian Geographic. Seeing those photos of indigenous cultures helped stiffen my resolve to pursue this path.” “I didn't even realize Equestrian Geographic included those types of pictures.” Butter Brickle said, surprised. “Oh yeah,” Carrot Cake said, smiling, “Round, moist cupcakes, big, sticky buns. The creative things those natives did with melons was so tantalizing that you wanted to reach through the pages and put 'em in your mouth.” “So you received inspiration by studying delicacies from around the world,” Butter Brickle said, summarizing, “Where did you go from there? How did you first begin to leave your mark?” “The first time was a fluke,” Carrot said, “I didn't know what I was doing, but I couldn't argue with the results.” “So your initial experimentation yielded a positive outcome?” Butter Brickle asked. “Yeah,” Carrot said, “The only downside was that after I finished, I had a big mess to clean up.” “That's only natural,” Butter Brickle said reassuringly, “In my early attempts I ended up making a mess all over the kitchen. But you see Carrot, that's the wonderful thing about experience. We learn from our mistakes and improve.” “I'm much neater about everything now,” the yellow colt said, “I take the proper precarious so there's less of a mess to clean up afterwords.” “Good, good.” Butter Brickle said, commendably, “What technique do you use to knead your dough?” “Techniques I use on 'my dough,' huh?” Carrot said, musing at his bosses' choice of euphemism, “It's not so much kneading; mainly it involves lots of beating.” “Beating? Interesting,” Butter Brickle said, jotting down some notes. “Yeah, you know,” Carrot said,”I like to mix it up. Pull it, slap it, roll it around.” “How do you fair at setting and achieving goals?” Butter Brickle said, “How much can you produce a day?” “I used to average between two and three a day, but I wanted to see what my personal best was.” Carrot said, “Working nonstop, with one hoof tied behind my back, I was able to churn out 15 in one day.” “Well, it sounds like you have a firm grasp on the subject,” Butter Brickle said, “I must say it will be nice to have an experienced hoof like yours around here.” “I do the best I can with the tools I've got,” Carrot said, humbly. “I must confess, I had hoped that my daughter would've taken this job, but she never showed any desire,” Butter Brickle said, “My wife and I even showed her how to do it.” Carrot Cake threw up a little in his mouth. “This is one kinky family,” he muttered to himself, “Don't say anything, though. This job's as good as yours.” “I think this is going to work out,” Butter Brickle said, “One last thing, though. Would you be willing to show me an sample of your work?” “What here?” Carrot Cake said, in disbelief, “Now?” “Yes. Do you think you'll be able to perform?” Butter Brickle said, “I hate asking you to whip up something on such short notice, but I'm quite anxious to taste the results.” “Whatever floats your boat.” Carrot Cake said,”You're the boss.” “I'll give you a moment to prepare yourself while I step into the next room to grab some supplies.” Butter Brickle said as he left his office, the door shutting behind him. “Okay Carrot,” he said quietly to himself, “five years of experience all boils down to this moment. You've got to make a good impression.” Carrot couldn't start from nothing. He needed inspiration. There were no Equestrian Geographic's here. He needed something, anything to motivate him. Wait! On Butter Brickle's desk. There was a picture of his daughter. Staring at the photo, Carrot could feel himself rising to the occasion. He thought about that cute, blue filly in the pigtails. (clopclopclopclopclopclop) “Mmmph!” The way she seductively licked her lollipop. (clopclopclopclopclopclop) “Hnnngh!” Her tight, blue cheeks... At that moment Butter Brickle opened the door and started backing in to his office. Clutched in his teeth was a wheeled cart full of ingredients and cooking utensils. He turned around just as his door closed. “Yeeaah!” Carrot Cake screamed. A splat sound was heard coming from inside Butter Brickle's office. “Oops” Carrot said, sheepishly, “Well, you did say you wanted to try a sample of my work. So, do I get the job?” Minestrone MachinationsCarrot Cake flew through the air before landing roughly on the cobblestone road with a thud. His saddlebags landed beside him; their contents spilling on the ground. “Never set a hoof in my store again, you filthy pervert!” Butter Brickle said, his face flushed red with anger. Traces of Carrot's job interview still lingered on Butter Brickle's mustache. It glistened in the sunlight as the irate blue stallion threatened to call the royal guards. Carrot busily began to scoop his affects back into his bag, pausing only a moment as he stared at the news clipping that had caused so much trouble. “I could've sworn that job title had a second 'T' in it.” Carrot said before shoving the paper back in his bag. Carrot ran down the road as Butter Brickle and his wife threw rolling pins, pots, pans and stoves at him. Buttercup watched this scene unfold through the store window. Her parents soon reentered the store, feeling enraged, yet slightly vindicated. “What's society coming to when your not even safe from a random facial in your own office?” Butter Brickle said, still fuming as he rubbed his hoof across his mustache in order to clean it, “What kind of social circle creates such degenerates?” “I bet he's one of those homos.” Buttermilk said, “You know what I'm talking about, dear? Those colts obsessed with homosapians.” “Oh, right.” Butter Brickle said, “I watched a report Fawkes News did on them. It's a disturbing trend where young stallions sit around all day watching My Little Human; A show clearly intended for young fillies.” “Those homos all sick. They're all either colt cuddlers or blank flank fiddlers.” Butter Brickle said, growing more enraged, “There ought to be a law!” Buttercup continued to stock the shelves as she listened intently to her parent's tirade. Their rant was cut short as the bakery door swung open. “Top o' the mornin' tew ya,' Mr. Butter Brickle,” a young, green colt with a curly, red mane said. He had a cutie mark of a bowl with steam rising from it. On his back were several pots and pans and a rolling pin, “I was strolling down the road when I came across these lying on the ground. They all said 'Property of Butter Family Bakery,' so I thought I'd do the decent thing and return 'em.” Buttercup ducked behind the shelf, peering out through a space between the boxes. “Oh, great,” she whispered sarcastically, “It's that jerk Cock-a-leekie O'Soup.” O'Soup had been attempting to court Buttercup for several months now. After she showed no interest, he changed his tactic. O'Soup reasoned that if you can't win over the filly, win over her parents. O'Soup took a big sniff. “Something smells good!” he said, “Could that be yer new cherry tarts?” They are,” Buttermilk said, completely enamored by the polite, young stallion. “Would you like to sample one?” Butter Brickle asked, his previous foul mood all but forgotten. “Maybe I'll just take it tew go,” O'Soup said, “If I ate it here, I'd want another and another, and before yew know it, I'd eat the whole tray. I couldn't do that. That would be denying the rest of Fillydelphia yer tasty treats.” “O'Soup, you are a treasure,” Buttermilk said, beaming. Buttercup gagged from behind the counter. “I dun' suppose the lovely miss Buttercup's about?” O'Soup asked hopefully, scanning the store. Buttercup pushed the boxes together, completely obscuring her from view. “She was stocking the shelves.” Butter Brickle said, “She must be getting more stock from the back.” “Another time then,” O'Soup said, “I'd hate tew disturb a working filly.” “Oh, you disturb me plenty, you two-faced little toad,” Buttercup thought to herself, "What's my life come to? I'm a stocker with my own stalker." “Speaking of work,” Buttermilk asked, “How's business with your soup cart?” “Things are going great,” O'Soup said, “As we say in the soup business, 'the Borscht is yet to come!' I just hope tew one day be able to emulate yer family's success.” “Some days I just wish we could adopt you,” Buttermilk said. “Well, there are other ways tew join a family,” O'Soup said, a playful smile crossing his lips. A small “eep” escaped Buttercup's mouth. O'Soup's eyes darted towards the sound, but he didn't say anything. His smile grew wider and more thin. He then looked back at Buttercup's parents. They didn't seem to have heard it. “I think it's time I was off,” O'Soup said, “Thank yew again for the tarts. They are sure tew be a delight!” As O'Soup exited the building, Buttercup slumped down, feeling like she had dodged a bullet. “That's the kind of stallion our little Buttercup needs to marry,” Buttermilk said, “So honorable. So respectful.” Buttercup put her fore-hooves on her face. “I don't want to marry that mealy-mouthed worm,” she thought, “I want to marry a colt who's wild and carefree. Somepony like that yellow colt from earlier.” The yellow colt in question was currently hiding in the bushes outside the front of the bakery. Carrot knew that he literally 'blew' his chance at that job interview, so he was doing his best to stay hidden. What brought him back at all was that cute, blue filly. “Buttercup was flirting with me, I know it.” Carrot thought to himself, “If I could just talk to her, I could be sure we feel the same way about each other.” Carrot's thoughts were interrupted as a cart came to a stop in the ally next to the bakery. He could smell the warm aroma of soup. “Boy,” Carrot thought, “This must be a busy part of town. Even the allies have soup vendors.” Both Carrot and O'Soup were waiting for Buttercup to leave her parent's bakery. O'Soup was unaware of Carrot's presence in the bushes, but neither knew of the others' motivation. After waiting for nearly an hour, the two stallions heard Buttercup leave the bakery; a list of supplies in her saddlebags. As she passed by the bush, Carrot was going to call out to her, but was interrupted by O'Soup calling out instead. “There's my Buttercup,” O'Soup said, “What a coincidence bumping into yew here.” Carrot felt crestfallen. “She already has a special somepony?” Carrot whispered sadly, “That's just my luck.” “I'm not 'your' Buttercup, you creepo,” she said, defiantly, “What kind of pathetic loser stalks where I work to try and talk to me?” Carrot felt a sense of hope, that he still had a chance with Buttercup, while at the same feeling embarrassed for meeting her pathetic loser criteria. Not wanting to tip his hand too soon. Carrot stayed put in the bushes and listened to the drama unfold. “I've told you already,” Buttercup said, “I just want to run a candy kitchen like my parents.” “Yew've been doing that yew're whole life and yer cutie mark still hasn't appeared. I think the reason why yer flank is still blank is that yew have yet tew embrace yer one trew calling: Soup.” O'Soup said, “Marry me, Buttercup. Become Mrs. Cup O'Soup.” “Never,” Buttercup spat back, “I'd rather be the Cup used in 'Two Fillies, One Cup' than be your simpering wife.” “I think yer pigtails may be tew tight,” O'Soup said, moving menacingly closer to her. O'Soup backed her into a corner. Buttercup was wedged between his scalding hot soup cart, and the wall of her parent's bakery. O'Soup's fore-hooves were rested on the wall and his cart, so as to prevent any possible means of escape. “Cock-a-leekie, let me go this instant, or I'll scream,” Buttercup said, nervously. “Ah, don't go,” O'Soup said, leaning in closer, “I just want tew Consommé our love. We could make beautiful Vichyssoise together.” That was a rape threat if ever Carrot Cake heard one. Stepping out from the bushes, he confronted O'Soup. “You heard the filly, Caca,” Carrot said, trying to sound as tough as possible, “Let her go right now, you Bouillabaisse bully.” “Stay out of this, String Bean,” O'Soup snapped back, “This doesn't concern yew.” “String Bean's my cousin,” Carrot Cake said, “The name's Carrot Cake. And it's not hard to see why you're scaring her. Anypony with a face as Goulash as yours should have to wear a bag in public.” “That does it,” O'Soup said, turning around to face Carrot, “Yew've gone and pissed in the soup, and now O'Soup is pissed.” Carrot and O'Soup charged each other. Carrot attempted to buck his opponent with his hind legs, but O'Soup was ready and performed a counter move, causing Carrot to flip in the air before falling flat on his back. “I probably should have mentioned that I have a black belt in Kimchi,” O'Soup said, panting while striking a martial art stance, “Now I'm going tew open up a can of Campell's Cream of Whoopass soup!” The fight continued, fiercer than before. Every time Carrot would try to land a blow, O'Soup was ready with a counter. O'Soup landed hit after hit. A hoof to the face, a hoof to the gut. “Stop it!” Buttercup shouted, “You'll kill him!” Carrot collapsed in front of Buttercup; the blood flowing freely from his nose dyed parts of his coat an orange color that matched his mane. “Wait one Menudo,” Carrot said, bracing himself against the soup cart as he rose to his hooves. Wobbling slightly, Carrot stood between O'Soup and Buttercup, flecks of blood flying from his mouth as he spoke. “Bring it on, you Gumbo bozo,” he said, “I'm ready for you.” Carrot changed his means of approach; instead of a direct assault, he kept his long limbs limber and focused on bobbing and weaving, avoiding his opponent's attacks. After wearing him down, Carrot saw an opportunity to connect, and bucked O'Soup right in the jaw. The green stallion flew through the air before landing on some trash bags. A thin trail of blood trickled from O'Soup's mouth as he got back on his hooves. Wiping the blood away, O'Soup looked at it, then back up at Carrot, who was protecting Buttercup, a look of determination in his eyes. “Impressive,” O'Soup said, closing his eyes and smirking, “A valiant effort. But I'm afraid it's tew Lentil, tew late. Yew can't hope tew beat me.” “Hey, Caca,” Carrot said. O'Soup opened his eyes. Carrot had repositioned the soup cart. Standing behind it, Carrot took aim. “Why don't you make like Pea Soup...” Carrot said as he bucked the cart with all his might, “...and Split.” “No!” O'Soup cried as his cart careened towards him. O'Soup connected with the cart, which veered out of the ally and onto the road, scalding hot soup sloshing all around the green pony as it sped down the path. Once Carrot saw O'Soup disappear from sight, he collapsed. Buttercup cradled the yellow stallion's head in her lap as she cried, dabbing at his bleeding nose with her list. Buttercup stayed by his side, watching him breathe. In Carrot's subconscious, he thought about himself and Buttercup. He knew he was no good for her. She deserved better than a slacker like him. He was way out of his league, but he just wanted her to be happy. Carrot thought that If she wanted to run a candy kitchen, then he would make sure she got her cutie mark!" After a minute, Carrot Cake awoke. Not knowing where he was, he jumped up and ran towards the road. “Wait!”Buttercup said. Carrot stopped and turned around. “I didn't even get to say thanks for rescuing me,” Buttercup said, as a tear ran down her face. "Now's not the place,” Carrot said, “I don't want another run in with your folks. It would just be... awkward. If you want to thank me for helping you, then meet me at the park tomorrow night. I'll bring dinner, then afterwards I'll make a mare out of you.” Without a word, Carrot ran off and Buttercup sat there for a moment trying to process the instructions. Her head was swimming. Then without a word she got to her feet, threw her bloodied list in the garbage and slowly walked back to her room, still in shock. Selling Your BunsCarrot Cake stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, learning how to cook. "All I have to do is stay one lesson ahead of Buttercup and I should be a great teacher!" he said. As it turned out, Carrot Cake was surprisingly good at baking. All of his prior experience with clopping had left him with very nimble and responsive hooves; perfect for kneading dough or quickly mixing ingredients. "Who knew their were so many similarities between clopping and cooking?" Carrot Cake observed, beaming with pride. After his horrible job interview, the yellow stallion was careful to never confuse one activity with the other, and always made sure to thoroughly wash his hooves when switching from one to the other. Once he'd gotten the hang of it, Carrot continued to practice baking until he fell asleep; his head rested on a pillow-shaped mound of dough. Due to a miscommunication, Buttercup didn't think Carrot Cake wanted to show her how to cook. She thought he wanted to show her his 'carrot.' "He wants to make me a mare... tonight!," Buttercup said, blushing. She checked her saddlebags to make sure she had everything she needed for her special evening, "Breath mints for me, oyster-flavored Tic Tac's for him and lots and lots of condoms. Yep. It's all here." It was evening as Buttercup stepped onto the park grounds. The sky was a deep-magenta color as Celestia's sun lowered over the hills. In the center of the park, there was a ring of bushes that offered perfect cover for any naughty activities that might occur. Carrot Cake stuck his head out from between the bushes and gestured for Buttercup to come join him. "Goodbye virginity. Hello marehood!" she whispered excitedly as she trotted towards her boyfriend. "Goodbye blankflank. Hello marehood." Carrot Cake whispered happily as he saw the mare he loved running towards him. When Buttercup stepped through to the other side, she was in awe. Spread before her was a romantic pasta dinner and a bottle of wine. Buttercup had never tried alcohol before. "Add that to my list of tonight's new experiences," she thought, nervously. In one corner, Carrot Cake had a pot boiling on an outdoor stove. The fire helped to illuminate their meal. "Did you make this dinner yourself?" Buttercup asked, impressed. "Just a little something I threw together." Carrot Cake said, blushing. He bashfully kicked his hooves in the dirt. The two ponies sat and ate, staring dreamily into each others eyes. After a couple glasses of wine, Buttercup felt herself becoming more amorous. "They say that you shouldn't try to force this to happen. It will come when the time is right," Carrot Cake said, "But I hate waiting. I'm convinced I can force this to happen tonight!" Her stallion was sounding a little rapey-er than Buttercup was used to, but she didn't care. "You won't have to force me" she said, assuringly, "I want this too! Teach me what it means to be a mare!" "I plan to," Carrot Cake said, lovingly, "But let's not rush this. There's a lot to learn so I want us to take our time and make sure we do this right." "Of course," Buttercup said, flirtatiously, "I'll follow you're lead." Carrot Cake moved the dishes aside so the picnic blanket was clear. Buttercup's heart beat fast as she tried to remember everything she learned in health class. "I practiced by myself last night," Carrot Cake said proudly, "I was thinking of you the whole time." Buttercup blushed. "I'll teach you everything I've learned," Carrot Cake added, "Tonight will be my first time doing this with somepony else." "Me, too," Buttercup said, coyly. "Really?" Carrot Cake said, surprised, "I figured you would've tried it a bunch of times with your parents by now." "What?!" Buttercup said, shocked; she assumed she must have misheard him, "What did you say?" "It doesn't matter," Carrot Cake said, reassuringly, "Once we finish, you can tell your parents all about what you did tonight." "I'm not going to tell them about tonight," Buttercup said, indignantly, "I doubt they'd be happy to find out about this, especially if they knew it was with you." "That's why we're meeting in secret," Carrot Cake said, "Just tell them what happened tonight, but leave my name out of it. They'll be so proud of your accomplishment." "Really?" Buttercup asked, uncertainly, "Are you sure?" "Absolutely." Carrot Cake confirmed, "When your dad and I were still on speaking terms, he gave me the impression that he couldn't picture you doing anything else with your life." "Really? My dad said that?" Buttercup asked, sounding slightly mortified. "Yeah," Carrot Cake said, enthusiastically, "If you had a career doing this, your parents would beam with pride. You have a knack for making things rise." Buttercup was embarrassed and confused. She'd never considered the life of a prostitute, but now apparently her father and her boyfriend were encouraging her to pursue it. "Is it really alright to do that?" she asked, "To just give it out to anypony?" "If they're a paying customer, yes." Carrot Cake said, "Although, don't discount charity work. Sometimes giving it away for free is the best way to attract new regular customers." "So I'm supposed to just serve any stallion who walks up to me?" Buttercup asked, ashamedly. "You won't just be taking orders from stallions," Carrot Cake said, "I know a mare or two who would love to eat your muffin." "Oh my," Buttercup said, going crimson. "And you can't forget about zebras or griffins," Carrot Cake added, "You have to be willing to give service to all. Ponies in your profession have to get used to flaunting their goods in public and allowing ponies to sample their wares." Buttercup gulped. "This is happening so fast," Buttercup said, apprehensively, "I'm too young to be a working girl!" "Nonsense," Carrot Cake said, "Anypony with your untapped natural abilities can never start too early." "Where would I go?" Buttercup asked, feeling overwhelmed. "The sky's the limit!" Carrot Cake said, excitedly, "You could even be booked at parties and events throughout Equestria! Just picture all those satisfied, smiling faces surrounding you. Your cream-filled honey buns will cater to the appetites of dozens of ponies at once." "Dozens at once?" Buttercup asked nervously, her face growing pale, "But what about contracting diseases?" "Just wash your hooves before you start and you should be fine." Carrot Cake said, smirking at his marefriend's timidity. "What-what if there's an accident?" She asked, quietly. "If there's a spill, then clean it up," Carrot Cake said, matter-of-factly. "No. Something serious," Buttercup said, "What if I get a... a bun in the oven?" Carrot Cake stared at her blankly. He wasn't sure what his marefriend meant by that "Well," Carrot Cake said calmly, "if it's a mistake and nopony wants it, then we can always give it to a hobo to eat." "What?!" Buttercup screamed, horrified. Carrot Cake wasn't sure what had gotten her so worked up. "She must just be nervous of failure," he thought. Buttercup didn't know what to say. Her heart was pounding in her chest. This whole conversation had left her feeling numb. "Is this all Carrot Cake thinks I'm good for?" Buttercup wondered, "Is this all my parents think I'm good for?" "Look," Carrot Cake said, trying to steer the conversation forward, "We can talk about corner case scenarios all night. We'll cross those bridges when we come to them. Right now, just clear your mind. Forget about the future. Tonight there's just you, me and our first lesson together." As she stared into his eyes, the mare's heart fluttered. Letting go of her inhibitions, Buttercup was ready to submit herself to the will of her stallion. "I don't care if he does eventually become my pimp." Buttercup thought, "No matter how degrading it may be, any life is worth living, as long as I'm with him." "Let's get started." Carrot Cake said, pulling a big brown sack next to him, "I'll go over the basics. Pay attention cause this stuff will be important when you're doing it for a living." Carrot Cake began pulling out items they would be using tonight. He set down a tub of frosting. "Ooh, kinky." Buttercup thought, grinning. Carrot Cake then set down several large carrots. "Uhh..." Buttercup said, the smile leaving her face. Next, he set down a cheese grater. The mare's pupils shrunk down to the size of pinpricks. She raised her fore-hovves over her head in defeat. "I can't." Buttercup said, shaking her head, "I can't. That's too much for me." "Wait," Carrot Cake said, "Don't you want me to teach you how to make cupcakes?" "Cup... cakes?" Buttercup asked, confused. "Yes," Carrot Cake said, "What did you think we were making?" Buttercup's eyes drifted over to her saddlebag filled with prophylactics. "I thought we were making grass sandwiches," she said. "Trust me," Carrot Cake said, taking her hoof in his, "These cupcakes will taste much better than any sandwich." The firelight flickered across the two lovers. Buttercup sat in front of a wooden crate with a white cutting board placed on top of it. To her right was a large carrot. On her left was the cheese grater. Carrot Cake pulled out a small phonograph for some mood music. "Oh, my love, my darling I've hungered for your touch A long, lonely time..." Buttercup blushed as she ran her hoof along the length of the orange phallic symbol. Holding one end of the vegetable firmly, she picked up the cheese grater in her other hoof. "And time goes by so slowly, And time can do so much Are you still mine?..." Carrot Cake came up behind his marefriend and put his hooves on top of hers. Without saying a word, the stallion guided Buttercup's movements. "I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me!..." Pressing down into the orange flesh, the two ponies tore out long ribbons of carrot meat and collected them in a pile. The stallion rotated the vegetable as they went, ensuring a new side was cut each time. "Lonely rivers flow To the sea, to the sea, To the open arms of the sea..." Sweat was beading on the faces of both ponies. Carrot's strong arms enveloped his mare as they worked in unison, taking slow, smooth strokes to grate the vegetable. "Lonely rivers sigh 'Wait for me, wait for me' I'll be coming home, wait for me!..." Using his abnormally long neck, Carrot Cake leaned his head forward to nuzzle against Buttercup's right cheek. The mare turned to face her stallion. Their eyes met as they leaned in for a kiss. "Oh, my love, my darling, I've hungered, hungered for your touch, A long, lonely time..." Their mouths locked together, the two lovers continued to grate the carrot. They had both forgotten to regularly rotate it, so the same side was torn into repeatedly. "And time goes by so slowly, And time can do so much, Are you still mine?..." Their kiss continued, even after the entire carrot had been completely shredded. Unaware of this fact, Buttercup and Carrot Cake absentmindedly continued to scrap the cheese grater along the surface of the cutting board. "I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me!..." Breaking the kiss, the two ponies stared into each others eyes. "I think we're ready to start cooking." Carrot Cake said. They added their carrot shavings to the cupcake batter. Carrot Cake pulled out of the bushes a portable oven that Buttercup recognized. It said 'property of Butter Family Bakery' on the side. There was a dent in it, from when the oven had been thrown on the ground. "This one passed over my head as your dad threw it at me," Carrot Cake said, sheepishly, "It landed in the bushes by your bakery and you're family never found it. In spite of a couple of dents, it's still in working order." Buttercup followed her coltfriend's lead in pouring the carrot cupcake batter into the tray. The mold would produce heart-shaped cupcakes. They slid the tray into the preheated oven. They felt the warmth emanating from within the oven and began to feel warm within themselves. "We do have 20 minutes to kill before those cupcakes are done..." Carrot Cake said, suggestively. Buttercup blushed as her heart beat faster. "what do you say you and I..." Carrot Cake began. "Yes?" Buttercup said, interrupting hopefully. "...go over the cooking steps again." Carrot Cake finished, smiling awkwardly. Buttercup's enthusiasm was a little deflated. "Oh," the mare said, "I thought we might..." Before Buttercup could say another word, the stallion held her close and kissed her. He lay her gently on her back as they continued to kiss in a loving embrace. He broke the kiss, leaving her gasping for air. "Did you know that there are similarities between making food and making love?" Carrot Cake asked, breathlessly. "No," Buttercup replied, panting. "In both cases, you start by preheating the oven," Carrot Cake said with a sly smile. The stallion lowered himself and began heating up Buttercup's oven. The mare let out a moan of pleasure. "Do you know what comes next?" Carrot Cake asked, gasping for breath. Buttercup giggled and reached into her saddlebags. "You prepare the ingredients," she said coyly as she tore the wrapper off one of her rubbers and applied it, just like in health class. "Now it's time to combine everything and mix together," Carrot Cake said, excitedly. The two ponies began their first lovemaking session atop Carrot Cake's picnic blanket. The heat they generated rivaled the heat of the oven beside them. Carrot Cake began to cry as he looked into Buttercup's eyes. "Am I hurting you?" Buttercup asked, concerned. "No," Carrot Cake said, "I'm crying because I'm just so happy to be here with you." Buttercup brought her fore-hooves around Carrot Cake's neck. She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him. The two lovers continued to explore every square inch of their glorious, naked bodies. "Almost done," Carrot Cake said, straining. "What?" Buttercup asked, "The cupcakes?" "Yeah," Carrot Cake said, "Those are almost done, too." They quickened their pace as Carrot Cake revealed the next step in the baking process. "When all the ingredients are properly mixed," the stallion said, grunting, "It's time to pour the batter!" At that moment, the kitchen timer dinged. The cupcakes were done. The two lovers screamed as they both arrived at a new plateau of pleasure together. As Buttercup basked in the shimmering afterglow of her climax, Carrot Cake got up and pulled the cupcakes out of the oven. He pulled two of the heart-shaped desserts out of the tray and brought them over to his love. The two ponies coated their cupcakes in frosting and shared them with each other. "Mmmm, delicious," Buttercup said, enjoying her post-coital confection, "You make excellent cupcakes." "We make excellent cupcakes," Carrot Cake said. After finishing their tasty treats, the two lover fell into a deep sleep. They rested under the stars as the cool summer air washed over their glistening, sweaty bodies. Buttercup smiled as she placed a hoof on Carrot Cake's chest and hugged him. They slept peacefully through the night, surrounded by a thick hedgerow of bushes. The next morning Buttercup was awoken by Carrot Cake's excited tone. "It came!" Carrot Cake said, beaming with pride, "No longer a blank flank anymore!" Buttercup opened her eyes and looked at Carrot Cake. A cutie mark had appeared on his flank overnight. It was of three frosted carrot cakes. "I'm so happy for you!" Buttercup said. "Happy for me?" Carrot Cake asked, "It's your cutie mark." Buttercup looked down at her blue backside. Three cupcakes had appeared on her flank while she slept. Now that she had her special talent, she knew her life was changed forever. "You got your cutie mark, too!" Buttercup said, excitedly. Carrot Cake was shocked to hear that announcement and quickly looked behind himself to confirm it. As he started at the physical manifestation of his hard work and dedication, a warm feeling spread throughout Carrot Cake's body. He realized that they had both gotten their cutie marks together. Buttercup had told her parents she was spending the night at a marefriend's house last night, so her parents never worried about where she was. When she arrived home later that morning, she had two big surprises for parents. Her first one was showing off her cutie mark. Buttercup's parents beamed with pride. Her father told her she could now become a full partner in the family business. "Our family will soon be getting bigger," Buttercup said, "I found the stallion I want to marry. It's because of him that I got my cutie mark." "Is it that nice O'Soup fellow?" Buttermilk asked, hopefully. "Buck no!" Buttercup said, zealously, "Not if he was the last stallion in Equestria." Buttercup gestured for Carrot Cake to step inside the store. With trepidation in every footstep, Carrot Cake entered the shop. The parents gasped in shock when they saw the stallion. Butter Brickle's face grew red as he stared at Carrot Cake. "Dad," Buttercup said, "you know Carrot Cake. Last night he taught me how to bake before taking my virginity. Now I want to marry him!" Five minutes later, Carrot Cake and Buttercup were walking away from her parents bakery with all of her possessions in tow. "I was afraid something like this would happen," Carrot Cake said, "I've never seen a parent draw up familial annulment papers so quickly." "They said I wasn't welcome in their store as long as we were together," Buttercup said, sadly. "They're mad now, but that will change over time," Carrot Cake said, reassuringly, "They'll sing a different tune once their grandfoals arrives." "Foals!" Buttercup said, blushing, "I'm not ready to be a mother yet!" Carrot Cake chuckled. "I didn't say we had to start right now," he said, "First we need to get established with our own bakery." "Where should we go?" Buttercup asked. "Well, my little Cup Cake, " Carrot Cake said, bestowing on his fiance her new moniker, "I've heard good things about Ponyville."
I could have sworn there was a second 'T'A teenage colt, with a yellow coat and an unkempt orange mane, trots down a road in Fillydelphia. It's early in the morning. Celestia is just now raising the sun through the purple twilight as she prepares to lower the moon. The colt looks up and sees the fabled 'Mare in the Moon.' “Ah, that's kids stuff.” he says, dismissively. The colt's name is Carrot Cake and, despite having turned 17, has yet to receive his cutie mark. Carrot's not worried about it, though. One reason for his lack of a cutie mark may be that, up until now, Carrot hasn't done much with his life. While other blank flanks run around trying to force their cutie marks to appear, Carrot is a slacker who doesn't do anything meaningful. However, his attitude changed recently when he saw a job opening that plays to his strengths. Carrot couldn't believe it his luck. He still had the news clipping from the help wanted section in his saddlebags. “Wanted: Skilled masterbaker to assist in bakery. Contact Butter Family Bakery for more information.” This place was looking to pay somepony to perform Carrot's favorite and most private of pastimes. It may have cost him a small fortune in hoof-moisturizing cream and tissues growing up, but his constant clopping was finally starting to pay off. “What kind of bakery would hire somepony to clop?” Carrot thought, “Maybe they plan to use my 'secret ingredient' for a new salty, sweet treat.” Carrot arrived at the Butter Family Bakery. The place looked too wholesome for the debauchery which obviously took place here, Carrot thought to himself as he walked in. Looking around the shop, Carrot's eyes were drawn to a blue filly with pink pigtails stocking shelves. She had her back to him and didn't hear him enter. She was listening to her Walkmane. Carrot thought she must be listening to the latest Maredonna tape. Something about the young mare was hypnotizing. Carrot couldn't help staring at her tight, blue butt as she bobbed in tune to her music. “She's also a blank flank,” Carrot Cake said to himself. “Buttercup, dear, we have a customer,” a white mare behind the counter said. “What, mom?” Buttercup asked, pushing her headphones back. “A guest,” Buttercup's mom repeated, “See what he needs.” The blue filly turned to look at Carrot. Their eyes met. Buttercup blushed at the strapping young stallion that stood before her. Carrot blushed as well. Taking her lollipop out of her mouth, Buttercup greeted him. “Wuh...welcome to the Butter Family Bakery,” she said, “Where we're bursting with buttery goodness! Would you care to sample a cherry tart?” Carrot was doing his best to act professional and not hit on the bosses' daughter. “I'm,” Carrot said, his voice cracking, “(ahem) I'm here to speak with your father about the job opening.” “Of course,” Buttercup's mom said, coming out from behind the counter, her long, pale, blond mane bouncing as she walked. She stood beside her daughter, facing Carrot Cake. “My name's Buttermilk,” she said, “I see you've already met my daughter, Buttercup.” Carrot looked at the daughter. He couldn't believe it; she was licking her lollipop seductively! Her tongue was caressing and wrapping around it, before putting it back in her mouth with a wink. Carrot started to sweat. “My husband, Butter Brickle, is in his office,” Buttermilk said, “Go on in.” As he approached the office door, Carrot shot a cursory glance behind him. Buttercup was watching him walk away. Once she realized he was watching her, she returned to her work. Carrot knocked at the door. “Come in.” Butter Brickle said. Carrot walking inside and stood there, looking anxious. Butter Brickle, a deep-blue earth pony with a golden-yellow mane and a thick mustache, sat behind his desk, pouring over papers.. “So you're applying for the job.” Butter Brickle said, “What qualifies you for this position over the other candidates?” “Well sir,” Carrot Cake said, trying to look as professional as possible, “It's said that a dream job is something you love to do, that somepony is willing to pay you to do and you can do it better than anypony else. That's what this job is to me.” “Hmm,” Butter Brickle mused, “How long have you been perfecting your craft? When did you start?” “I've had about five years experience,” Carrot Cake said, “It began when I started looking at old issues of Equestrian Geographic. Seeing those photos of indigenous cultures helped stiffen my resolve to pursue this path.” “I didn't even realize Equestrian Geographic included those types of pictures.” Butter Brickle said, surprised. “Oh yeah,” Carrot Cake said, smiling, “Round, moist cupcakes, big, sticky buns. The creative things those natives did with melons was so tantalizing that you wanted to reach through the pages and put 'em in your mouth.” “So you received inspiration by studying delicacies from around the world,” Butter Brickle said, summarizing, “Where did you go from there? How did you first begin to leave your mark?” “The first time was a fluke,” Carrot said, “I didn't know what I was doing, but I couldn't argue with the results.” “So your initial experimentation yielded a positive outcome?” Butter Brickle asked. “Yeah,” Carrot said, “The only downside was that after I finished, I had a big mess to clean up.” “That's only natural,” Butter Brickle said reassuringly, “In my early attempts I ended up making a mess all over the kitchen. But you see Carrot, that's the wonderful thing about experience. We learn from our mistakes and improve.” “I'm much neater about everything now,” the yellow colt said, “I take the proper precarious so there's less of a mess to clean up afterwords.” “Good, good.” Butter Brickle said, commendably, “What technique do you use to knead your dough?” “Techniques I use on 'my dough,' huh?” Carrot said, musing at his bosses' choice of euphemism, “It's not so much kneading; mainly it involves lots of beating.” “Beating? Interesting,” Butter Brickle said, jotting down some notes. “Yeah, you know,” Carrot said,”I like to mix it up. Pull it, slap it, roll it around.” “How do you fair at setting and achieving goals?” Butter Brickle said, “How much can you produce a day?” “I used to average between two and three a day, but I wanted to see what my personal best was.” Carrot said, “Working nonstop, with one hoof tied behind my back, I was able to churn out 15 in one day.” “Well, it sounds like you have a firm grasp on the subject,” Butter Brickle said, “I must say it will be nice to have an experienced hoof like yours around here.” “I do the best I can with the tools I've got,” Carrot said, humbly. “I must confess, I had hoped that my daughter would've taken this job, but she never showed any desire,” Butter Brickle said, “My wife and I even showed her how to do it.” Carrot Cake threw up a little in his mouth. “This is one kinky family,” he muttered to himself, “Don't say anything, though. This job's as good as yours.” “I think this is going to work out,” Butter Brickle said, “One last thing, though. Would you be willing to show me an sample of your work?” “What here?” Carrot Cake said, in disbelief, “Now?” “Yes. Do you think you'll be able to perform?” Butter Brickle said, “I hate asking you to whip up something on such short notice, but I'm quite anxious to taste the results.” “Whatever floats your boat.” Carrot Cake said,”You're the boss.” “I'll give you a moment to prepare yourself while I step into the next room to grab some supplies.” Butter Brickle said as he left his office, the door shutting behind him. “Okay Carrot,” he said quietly to himself, “five years of experience all boils down to this moment. You've got to make a good impression.” Carrot couldn't start from nothing. He needed inspiration. There were no Equestrian Geographic's here. He needed something, anything to motivate him. Wait! On Butter Brickle's desk. There was a picture of his daughter. Staring at the photo, Carrot could feel himself rising to the occasion. He thought about that cute, blue filly in the pigtails. (clopclopclopclopclopclop) “Mmmph!” The way she seductively licked her lollipop. (clopclopclopclopclopclop) “Hnnngh!” Her tight, blue cheeks... At that moment Butter Brickle opened the door and started backing in to his office. Clutched in his teeth was a wheeled cart full of ingredients and cooking utensils. He turned around just as his door closed. “Yeeaah!” Carrot Cake screamed. A splat sound was heard coming from inside Butter Brickle's office. “Oops” Carrot said, sheepishly, “Well, you did say you wanted to try a sample of my work. So, do I get the job?”
Minestrone MachinationsCarrot Cake flew through the air before landing roughly on the cobblestone road with a thud. His saddlebags landed beside him; their contents spilling on the ground. “Never set a hoof in my store again, you filthy pervert!” Butter Brickle said, his face flushed red with anger. Traces of Carrot's job interview still lingered on Butter Brickle's mustache. It glistened in the sunlight as the irate blue stallion threatened to call the royal guards. Carrot busily began to scoop his affects back into his bag, pausing only a moment as he stared at the news clipping that had caused so much trouble. “I could've sworn that job title had a second 'T' in it.” Carrot said before shoving the paper back in his bag. Carrot ran down the road as Butter Brickle and his wife threw rolling pins, pots, pans and stoves at him. Buttercup watched this scene unfold through the store window. Her parents soon reentered the store, feeling enraged, yet slightly vindicated. “What's society coming to when your not even safe from a random facial in your own office?” Butter Brickle said, still fuming as he rubbed his hoof across his mustache in order to clean it, “What kind of social circle creates such degenerates?” “I bet he's one of those homos.” Buttermilk said, “You know what I'm talking about, dear? Those colts obsessed with homosapians.” “Oh, right.” Butter Brickle said, “I watched a report Fawkes News did on them. It's a disturbing trend where young stallions sit around all day watching My Little Human; A show clearly intended for young fillies.” “Those homos all sick. They're all either colt cuddlers or blank flank fiddlers.” Butter Brickle said, growing more enraged, “There ought to be a law!” Buttercup continued to stock the shelves as she listened intently to her parent's tirade. Their rant was cut short as the bakery door swung open. “Top o' the mornin' tew ya,' Mr. Butter Brickle,” a young, green colt with a curly, red mane said. He had a cutie mark of a bowl with steam rising from it. On his back were several pots and pans and a rolling pin, “I was strolling down the road when I came across these lying on the ground. They all said 'Property of Butter Family Bakery,' so I thought I'd do the decent thing and return 'em.” Buttercup ducked behind the shelf, peering out through a space between the boxes. “Oh, great,” she whispered sarcastically, “It's that jerk Cock-a-leekie O'Soup.” O'Soup had been attempting to court Buttercup for several months now. After she showed no interest, he changed his tactic. O'Soup reasoned that if you can't win over the filly, win over her parents. O'Soup took a big sniff. “Something smells good!” he said, “Could that be yer new cherry tarts?” They are,” Buttermilk said, completely enamored by the polite, young stallion. “Would you like to sample one?” Butter Brickle asked, his previous foul mood all but forgotten. “Maybe I'll just take it tew go,” O'Soup said, “If I ate it here, I'd want another and another, and before yew know it, I'd eat the whole tray. I couldn't do that. That would be denying the rest of Fillydelphia yer tasty treats.” “O'Soup, you are a treasure,” Buttermilk said, beaming. Buttercup gagged from behind the counter. “I dun' suppose the lovely miss Buttercup's about?” O'Soup asked hopefully, scanning the store. Buttercup pushed the boxes together, completely obscuring her from view. “She was stocking the shelves.” Butter Brickle said, “She must be getting more stock from the back.” “Another time then,” O'Soup said, “I'd hate tew disturb a working filly.” “Oh, you disturb me plenty, you two-faced little toad,” Buttercup thought to herself, "What's my life come to? I'm a stocker with my own stalker." “Speaking of work,” Buttermilk asked, “How's business with your soup cart?” “Things are going great,” O'Soup said, “As we say in the soup business, 'the Borscht is yet to come!' I just hope tew one day be able to emulate yer family's success.” “Some days I just wish we could adopt you,” Buttermilk said. “Well, there are other ways tew join a family,” O'Soup said, a playful smile crossing his lips. A small “eep” escaped Buttercup's mouth. O'Soup's eyes darted towards the sound, but he didn't say anything. His smile grew wider and more thin. He then looked back at Buttercup's parents. They didn't seem to have heard it. “I think it's time I was off,” O'Soup said, “Thank yew again for the tarts. They are sure tew be a delight!” As O'Soup exited the building, Buttercup slumped down, feeling like she had dodged a bullet. “That's the kind of stallion our little Buttercup needs to marry,” Buttermilk said, “So honorable. So respectful.” Buttercup put her fore-hooves on her face. “I don't want to marry that mealy-mouthed worm,” she thought, “I want to marry a colt who's wild and carefree. Somepony like that yellow colt from earlier.” The yellow colt in question was currently hiding in the bushes outside the front of the bakery. Carrot knew that he literally 'blew' his chance at that job interview, so he was doing his best to stay hidden. What brought him back at all was that cute, blue filly. “Buttercup was flirting with me, I know it.” Carrot thought to himself, “If I could just talk to her, I could be sure we feel the same way about each other.” Carrot's thoughts were interrupted as a cart came to a stop in the ally next to the bakery. He could smell the warm aroma of soup. “Boy,” Carrot thought, “This must be a busy part of town. Even the allies have soup vendors.” Both Carrot and O'Soup were waiting for Buttercup to leave her parent's bakery. O'Soup was unaware of Carrot's presence in the bushes, but neither knew of the others' motivation. After waiting for nearly an hour, the two stallions heard Buttercup leave the bakery; a list of supplies in her saddlebags. As she passed by the bush, Carrot was going to call out to her, but was interrupted by O'Soup calling out instead. “There's my Buttercup,” O'Soup said, “What a coincidence bumping into yew here.” Carrot felt crestfallen. “She already has a special somepony?” Carrot whispered sadly, “That's just my luck.” “I'm not 'your' Buttercup, you creepo,” she said, defiantly, “What kind of pathetic loser stalks where I work to try and talk to me?” Carrot felt a sense of hope, that he still had a chance with Buttercup, while at the same feeling embarrassed for meeting her pathetic loser criteria. Not wanting to tip his hand too soon. Carrot stayed put in the bushes and listened to the drama unfold. “I've told you already,” Buttercup said, “I just want to run a candy kitchen like my parents.” “Yew've been doing that yew're whole life and yer cutie mark still hasn't appeared. I think the reason why yer flank is still blank is that yew have yet tew embrace yer one trew calling: Soup.” O'Soup said, “Marry me, Buttercup. Become Mrs. Cup O'Soup.” “Never,” Buttercup spat back, “I'd rather be the Cup used in 'Two Fillies, One Cup' than be your simpering wife.” “I think yer pigtails may be tew tight,” O'Soup said, moving menacingly closer to her. O'Soup backed her into a corner. Buttercup was wedged between his scalding hot soup cart, and the wall of her parent's bakery. O'Soup's fore-hooves were rested on the wall and his cart, so as to prevent any possible means of escape. “Cock-a-leekie, let me go this instant, or I'll scream,” Buttercup said, nervously. “Ah, don't go,” O'Soup said, leaning in closer, “I just want tew Consommé our love. We could make beautiful Vichyssoise together.” That was a rape threat if ever Carrot Cake heard one. Stepping out from the bushes, he confronted O'Soup. “You heard the filly, Caca,” Carrot said, trying to sound as tough as possible, “Let her go right now, you Bouillabaisse bully.” “Stay out of this, String Bean,” O'Soup snapped back, “This doesn't concern yew.” “String Bean's my cousin,” Carrot Cake said, “The name's Carrot Cake. And it's not hard to see why you're scaring her. Anypony with a face as Goulash as yours should have to wear a bag in public.” “That does it,” O'Soup said, turning around to face Carrot, “Yew've gone and pissed in the soup, and now O'Soup is pissed.” Carrot and O'Soup charged each other. Carrot attempted to buck his opponent with his hind legs, but O'Soup was ready and performed a counter move, causing Carrot to flip in the air before falling flat on his back. “I probably should have mentioned that I have a black belt in Kimchi,” O'Soup said, panting while striking a martial art stance, “Now I'm going tew open up a can of Campell's Cream of Whoopass soup!” The fight continued, fiercer than before. Every time Carrot would try to land a blow, O'Soup was ready with a counter. O'Soup landed hit after hit. A hoof to the face, a hoof to the gut. “Stop it!” Buttercup shouted, “You'll kill him!” Carrot collapsed in front of Buttercup; the blood flowing freely from his nose dyed parts of his coat an orange color that matched his mane. “Wait one Menudo,” Carrot said, bracing himself against the soup cart as he rose to his hooves. Wobbling slightly, Carrot stood between O'Soup and Buttercup, flecks of blood flying from his mouth as he spoke. “Bring it on, you Gumbo bozo,” he said, “I'm ready for you.” Carrot changed his means of approach; instead of a direct assault, he kept his long limbs limber and focused on bobbing and weaving, avoiding his opponent's attacks. After wearing him down, Carrot saw an opportunity to connect, and bucked O'Soup right in the jaw. The green stallion flew through the air before landing on some trash bags. A thin trail of blood trickled from O'Soup's mouth as he got back on his hooves. Wiping the blood away, O'Soup looked at it, then back up at Carrot, who was protecting Buttercup, a look of determination in his eyes. “Impressive,” O'Soup said, closing his eyes and smirking, “A valiant effort. But I'm afraid it's tew Lentil, tew late. Yew can't hope tew beat me.” “Hey, Caca,” Carrot said. O'Soup opened his eyes. Carrot had repositioned the soup cart. Standing behind it, Carrot took aim. “Why don't you make like Pea Soup...” Carrot said as he bucked the cart with all his might, “...and Split.” “No!” O'Soup cried as his cart careened towards him. O'Soup connected with the cart, which veered out of the ally and onto the road, scalding hot soup sloshing all around the green pony as it sped down the path. Once Carrot saw O'Soup disappear from sight, he collapsed. Buttercup cradled the yellow stallion's head in her lap as she cried, dabbing at his bleeding nose with her list. Buttercup stayed by his side, watching him breathe. In Carrot's subconscious, he thought about himself and Buttercup. He knew he was no good for her. She deserved better than a slacker like him. He was way out of his league, but he just wanted her to be happy. Carrot thought that If she wanted to run a candy kitchen, then he would make sure she got her cutie mark!" After a minute, Carrot Cake awoke. Not knowing where he was, he jumped up and ran towards the road. “Wait!”Buttercup said. Carrot stopped and turned around. “I didn't even get to say thanks for rescuing me,” Buttercup said, as a tear ran down her face. "Now's not the place,” Carrot said, “I don't want another run in with your folks. It would just be... awkward. If you want to thank me for helping you, then meet me at the park tomorrow night. I'll bring dinner, then afterwards I'll make a mare out of you.” Without a word, Carrot ran off and Buttercup sat there for a moment trying to process the instructions. Her head was swimming. Then without a word she got to her feet, threw her bloodied list in the garbage and slowly walked back to her room, still in shock.
Selling Your BunsCarrot Cake stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, learning how to cook. "All I have to do is stay one lesson ahead of Buttercup and I should be a great teacher!" he said. As it turned out, Carrot Cake was surprisingly good at baking. All of his prior experience with clopping had left him with very nimble and responsive hooves; perfect for kneading dough or quickly mixing ingredients. "Who knew their were so many similarities between clopping and cooking?" Carrot Cake observed, beaming with pride. After his horrible job interview, the yellow stallion was careful to never confuse one activity with the other, and always made sure to thoroughly wash his hooves when switching from one to the other. Once he'd gotten the hang of it, Carrot continued to practice baking until he fell asleep; his head rested on a pillow-shaped mound of dough. Due to a miscommunication, Buttercup didn't think Carrot Cake wanted to show her how to cook. She thought he wanted to show her his 'carrot.' "He wants to make me a mare... tonight!," Buttercup said, blushing. She checked her saddlebags to make sure she had everything she needed for her special evening, "Breath mints for me, oyster-flavored Tic Tac's for him and lots and lots of condoms. Yep. It's all here." It was evening as Buttercup stepped onto the park grounds. The sky was a deep-magenta color as Celestia's sun lowered over the hills. In the center of the park, there was a ring of bushes that offered perfect cover for any naughty activities that might occur. Carrot Cake stuck his head out from between the bushes and gestured for Buttercup to come join him. "Goodbye virginity. Hello marehood!" she whispered excitedly as she trotted towards her boyfriend. "Goodbye blankflank. Hello marehood." Carrot Cake whispered happily as he saw the mare he loved running towards him. When Buttercup stepped through to the other side, she was in awe. Spread before her was a romantic pasta dinner and a bottle of wine. Buttercup had never tried alcohol before. "Add that to my list of tonight's new experiences," she thought, nervously. In one corner, Carrot Cake had a pot boiling on an outdoor stove. The fire helped to illuminate their meal. "Did you make this dinner yourself?" Buttercup asked, impressed. "Just a little something I threw together." Carrot Cake said, blushing. He bashfully kicked his hooves in the dirt. The two ponies sat and ate, staring dreamily into each others eyes. After a couple glasses of wine, Buttercup felt herself becoming more amorous. "They say that you shouldn't try to force this to happen. It will come when the time is right," Carrot Cake said, "But I hate waiting. I'm convinced I can force this to happen tonight!" Her stallion was sounding a little rapey-er than Buttercup was used to, but she didn't care. "You won't have to force me" she said, assuringly, "I want this too! Teach me what it means to be a mare!" "I plan to," Carrot Cake said, lovingly, "But let's not rush this. There's a lot to learn so I want us to take our time and make sure we do this right." "Of course," Buttercup said, flirtatiously, "I'll follow you're lead." Carrot Cake moved the dishes aside so the picnic blanket was clear. Buttercup's heart beat fast as she tried to remember everything she learned in health class. "I practiced by myself last night," Carrot Cake said proudly, "I was thinking of you the whole time." Buttercup blushed. "I'll teach you everything I've learned," Carrot Cake added, "Tonight will be my first time doing this with somepony else." "Me, too," Buttercup said, coyly. "Really?" Carrot Cake said, surprised, "I figured you would've tried it a bunch of times with your parents by now." "What?!" Buttercup said, shocked; she assumed she must have misheard him, "What did you say?" "It doesn't matter," Carrot Cake said, reassuringly, "Once we finish, you can tell your parents all about what you did tonight." "I'm not going to tell them about tonight," Buttercup said, indignantly, "I doubt they'd be happy to find out about this, especially if they knew it was with you." "That's why we're meeting in secret," Carrot Cake said, "Just tell them what happened tonight, but leave my name out of it. They'll be so proud of your accomplishment." "Really?" Buttercup asked, uncertainly, "Are you sure?" "Absolutely." Carrot Cake confirmed, "When your dad and I were still on speaking terms, he gave me the impression that he couldn't picture you doing anything else with your life." "Really? My dad said that?" Buttercup asked, sounding slightly mortified. "Yeah," Carrot Cake said, enthusiastically, "If you had a career doing this, your parents would beam with pride. You have a knack for making things rise." Buttercup was embarrassed and confused. She'd never considered the life of a prostitute, but now apparently her father and her boyfriend were encouraging her to pursue it. "Is it really alright to do that?" she asked, "To just give it out to anypony?" "If they're a paying customer, yes." Carrot Cake said, "Although, don't discount charity work. Sometimes giving it away for free is the best way to attract new regular customers." "So I'm supposed to just serve any stallion who walks up to me?" Buttercup asked, ashamedly. "You won't just be taking orders from stallions," Carrot Cake said, "I know a mare or two who would love to eat your muffin." "Oh my," Buttercup said, going crimson. "And you can't forget about zebras or griffins," Carrot Cake added, "You have to be willing to give service to all. Ponies in your profession have to get used to flaunting their goods in public and allowing ponies to sample their wares." Buttercup gulped. "This is happening so fast," Buttercup said, apprehensively, "I'm too young to be a working girl!" "Nonsense," Carrot Cake said, "Anypony with your untapped natural abilities can never start too early." "Where would I go?" Buttercup asked, feeling overwhelmed. "The sky's the limit!" Carrot Cake said, excitedly, "You could even be booked at parties and events throughout Equestria! Just picture all those satisfied, smiling faces surrounding you. Your cream-filled honey buns will cater to the appetites of dozens of ponies at once." "Dozens at once?" Buttercup asked nervously, her face growing pale, "But what about contracting diseases?" "Just wash your hooves before you start and you should be fine." Carrot Cake said, smirking at his marefriend's timidity. "What-what if there's an accident?" She asked, quietly. "If there's a spill, then clean it up," Carrot Cake said, matter-of-factly. "No. Something serious," Buttercup said, "What if I get a... a bun in the oven?" Carrot Cake stared at her blankly. He wasn't sure what his marefriend meant by that "Well," Carrot Cake said calmly, "if it's a mistake and nopony wants it, then we can always give it to a hobo to eat." "What?!" Buttercup screamed, horrified. Carrot Cake wasn't sure what had gotten her so worked up. "She must just be nervous of failure," he thought. Buttercup didn't know what to say. Her heart was pounding in her chest. This whole conversation had left her feeling numb. "Is this all Carrot Cake thinks I'm good for?" Buttercup wondered, "Is this all my parents think I'm good for?" "Look," Carrot Cake said, trying to steer the conversation forward, "We can talk about corner case scenarios all night. We'll cross those bridges when we come to them. Right now, just clear your mind. Forget about the future. Tonight there's just you, me and our first lesson together." As she stared into his eyes, the mare's heart fluttered. Letting go of her inhibitions, Buttercup was ready to submit herself to the will of her stallion. "I don't care if he does eventually become my pimp." Buttercup thought, "No matter how degrading it may be, any life is worth living, as long as I'm with him." "Let's get started." Carrot Cake said, pulling a big brown sack next to him, "I'll go over the basics. Pay attention cause this stuff will be important when you're doing it for a living." Carrot Cake began pulling out items they would be using tonight. He set down a tub of frosting. "Ooh, kinky." Buttercup thought, grinning. Carrot Cake then set down several large carrots. "Uhh..." Buttercup said, the smile leaving her face. Next, he set down a cheese grater. The mare's pupils shrunk down to the size of pinpricks. She raised her fore-hovves over her head in defeat. "I can't." Buttercup said, shaking her head, "I can't. That's too much for me." "Wait," Carrot Cake said, "Don't you want me to teach you how to make cupcakes?" "Cup... cakes?" Buttercup asked, confused. "Yes," Carrot Cake said, "What did you think we were making?" Buttercup's eyes drifted over to her saddlebag filled with prophylactics. "I thought we were making grass sandwiches," she said. "Trust me," Carrot Cake said, taking her hoof in his, "These cupcakes will taste much better than any sandwich." The firelight flickered across the two lovers. Buttercup sat in front of a wooden crate with a white cutting board placed on top of it. To her right was a large carrot. On her left was the cheese grater. Carrot Cake pulled out a small phonograph for some mood music. "Oh, my love, my darling I've hungered for your touch A long, lonely time..." Buttercup blushed as she ran her hoof along the length of the orange phallic symbol. Holding one end of the vegetable firmly, she picked up the cheese grater in her other hoof. "And time goes by so slowly, And time can do so much Are you still mine?..." Carrot Cake came up behind his marefriend and put his hooves on top of hers. Without saying a word, the stallion guided Buttercup's movements. "I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me!..." Pressing down into the orange flesh, the two ponies tore out long ribbons of carrot meat and collected them in a pile. The stallion rotated the vegetable as they went, ensuring a new side was cut each time. "Lonely rivers flow To the sea, to the sea, To the open arms of the sea..." Sweat was beading on the faces of both ponies. Carrot's strong arms enveloped his mare as they worked in unison, taking slow, smooth strokes to grate the vegetable. "Lonely rivers sigh 'Wait for me, wait for me' I'll be coming home, wait for me!..." Using his abnormally long neck, Carrot Cake leaned his head forward to nuzzle against Buttercup's right cheek. The mare turned to face her stallion. Their eyes met as they leaned in for a kiss. "Oh, my love, my darling, I've hungered, hungered for your touch, A long, lonely time..." Their mouths locked together, the two lovers continued to grate the carrot. They had both forgotten to regularly rotate it, so the same side was torn into repeatedly. "And time goes by so slowly, And time can do so much, Are you still mine?..." Their kiss continued, even after the entire carrot had been completely shredded. Unaware of this fact, Buttercup and Carrot Cake absentmindedly continued to scrap the cheese grater along the surface of the cutting board. "I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me!..." Breaking the kiss, the two ponies stared into each others eyes. "I think we're ready to start cooking." Carrot Cake said. They added their carrot shavings to the cupcake batter. Carrot Cake pulled out of the bushes a portable oven that Buttercup recognized. It said 'property of Butter Family Bakery' on the side. There was a dent in it, from when the oven had been thrown on the ground. "This one passed over my head as your dad threw it at me," Carrot Cake said, sheepishly, "It landed in the bushes by your bakery and you're family never found it. In spite of a couple of dents, it's still in working order." Buttercup followed her coltfriend's lead in pouring the carrot cupcake batter into the tray. The mold would produce heart-shaped cupcakes. They slid the tray into the preheated oven. They felt the warmth emanating from within the oven and began to feel warm within themselves. "We do have 20 minutes to kill before those cupcakes are done..." Carrot Cake said, suggestively. Buttercup blushed as her heart beat faster. "what do you say you and I..." Carrot Cake began. "Yes?" Buttercup said, interrupting hopefully. "...go over the cooking steps again." Carrot Cake finished, smiling awkwardly. Buttercup's enthusiasm was a little deflated. "Oh," the mare said, "I thought we might..." Before Buttercup could say another word, the stallion held her close and kissed her. He lay her gently on her back as they continued to kiss in a loving embrace. He broke the kiss, leaving her gasping for air. "Did you know that there are similarities between making food and making love?" Carrot Cake asked, breathlessly. "No," Buttercup replied, panting. "In both cases, you start by preheating the oven," Carrot Cake said with a sly smile. The stallion lowered himself and began heating up Buttercup's oven. The mare let out a moan of pleasure. "Do you know what comes next?" Carrot Cake asked, gasping for breath. Buttercup giggled and reached into her saddlebags. "You prepare the ingredients," she said coyly as she tore the wrapper off one of her rubbers and applied it, just like in health class. "Now it's time to combine everything and mix together," Carrot Cake said, excitedly. The two ponies began their first lovemaking session atop Carrot Cake's picnic blanket. The heat they generated rivaled the heat of the oven beside them. Carrot Cake began to cry as he looked into Buttercup's eyes. "Am I hurting you?" Buttercup asked, concerned. "No," Carrot Cake said, "I'm crying because I'm just so happy to be here with you." Buttercup brought her fore-hooves around Carrot Cake's neck. She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him. The two lovers continued to explore every square inch of their glorious, naked bodies. "Almost done," Carrot Cake said, straining. "What?" Buttercup asked, "The cupcakes?" "Yeah," Carrot Cake said, "Those are almost done, too." They quickened their pace as Carrot Cake revealed the next step in the baking process. "When all the ingredients are properly mixed," the stallion said, grunting, "It's time to pour the batter!" At that moment, the kitchen timer dinged. The cupcakes were done. The two lovers screamed as they both arrived at a new plateau of pleasure together. As Buttercup basked in the shimmering afterglow of her climax, Carrot Cake got up and pulled the cupcakes out of the oven. He pulled two of the heart-shaped desserts out of the tray and brought them over to his love. The two ponies coated their cupcakes in frosting and shared them with each other. "Mmmm, delicious," Buttercup said, enjoying her post-coital confection, "You make excellent cupcakes." "We make excellent cupcakes," Carrot Cake said. After finishing their tasty treats, the two lover fell into a deep sleep. They rested under the stars as the cool summer air washed over their glistening, sweaty bodies. Buttercup smiled as she placed a hoof on Carrot Cake's chest and hugged him. They slept peacefully through the night, surrounded by a thick hedgerow of bushes. The next morning Buttercup was awoken by Carrot Cake's excited tone. "It came!" Carrot Cake said, beaming with pride, "No longer a blank flank anymore!" Buttercup opened her eyes and looked at Carrot Cake. A cutie mark had appeared on his flank overnight. It was of three frosted carrot cakes. "I'm so happy for you!" Buttercup said. "Happy for me?" Carrot Cake asked, "It's your cutie mark." Buttercup looked down at her blue backside. Three cupcakes had appeared on her flank while she slept. Now that she had her special talent, she knew her life was changed forever. "You got your cutie mark, too!" Buttercup said, excitedly. Carrot Cake was shocked to hear that announcement and quickly looked behind himself to confirm it. As he started at the physical manifestation of his hard work and dedication, a warm feeling spread throughout Carrot Cake's body. He realized that they had both gotten their cutie marks together. Buttercup had told her parents she was spending the night at a marefriend's house last night, so her parents never worried about where she was. When she arrived home later that morning, she had two big surprises for parents. Her first one was showing off her cutie mark. Buttercup's parents beamed with pride. Her father told her she could now become a full partner in the family business. "Our family will soon be getting bigger," Buttercup said, "I found the stallion I want to marry. It's because of him that I got my cutie mark." "Is it that nice O'Soup fellow?" Buttermilk asked, hopefully. "Buck no!" Buttercup said, zealously, "Not if he was the last stallion in Equestria." Buttercup gestured for Carrot Cake to step inside the store. With trepidation in every footstep, Carrot Cake entered the shop. The parents gasped in shock when they saw the stallion. Butter Brickle's face grew red as he stared at Carrot Cake. "Dad," Buttercup said, "you know Carrot Cake. Last night he taught me how to bake before taking my virginity. Now I want to marry him!" Five minutes later, Carrot Cake and Buttercup were walking away from her parents bakery with all of her possessions in tow. "I was afraid something like this would happen," Carrot Cake said, "I've never seen a parent draw up familial annulment papers so quickly." "They said I wasn't welcome in their store as long as we were together," Buttercup said, sadly. "They're mad now, but that will change over time," Carrot Cake said, reassuringly, "They'll sing a different tune once their grandfoals arrives." "Foals!" Buttercup said, blushing, "I'm not ready to be a mother yet!" Carrot Cake chuckled. "I didn't say we had to start right now," he said, "First we need to get established with our own bakery." "Where should we go?" Buttercup asked. "Well, my little Cup Cake, " Carrot Cake said, bestowing on his fiance her new moniker, "I've heard good things about Ponyville."
