The Buck-it list

by Poetic Brony

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, DJ P0N-3, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Octavia
Length: 1214

Slick Willy Colton makes a list but it's not one that involves death...

Slick Willy "The Filly Chasing" Colton is up to no good. Not that that's unusual for a pony who was the main actor in the Manehatten incident.

With Mare Mayor missing, Colton, fleeing the Princess and her fungeon heads to Ponyville to take up the position of Mayor!
Backed by the notorious Don-Vito-Ponlioni AKA God-Pony there's no way he could loose at least not until he finds Steven Magnet anyway...

Published 2016-04-22 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-22 20:50:01 UTC

The Buck-it List

It's been three weeks since Mare Mayor's disappearance and the only candidate running for the vacant position is none other than Slick Willy Colton. AKA the filly chaser, AKA the Manehatten master, AKA the banana...

Colton coughed loudly as he turned around and glared at the newspony in the back of the room.

"But I was in the middle of my monologue," Cermit whined.

"I don't care! Now shut up and hold you're horses!" Colton demanded. "There is no talking of that yellow fruit... vegetable or whatever that crescent shaped eatable is..." He said as he paused to take a breath. "At least not in my... presents."

Pinkie Pie burst into the room with an explosive load of party cannon confetti. "DID SOMEPONY SAY PRESENTS?" She yelled.

Colton as well as most of the his cabinet face hoofed. "No, Pinkie I wasn't talking about those kind of presents." He said to the pink party pony who frowned at this. Her mane deflated a bit as she slowly pushed her party cannon back out the door, that somehow closed itself behind her.

Colton went back to his long checklist. Picking up the quill that fell off the table he went back to what he was doing before Pinkie's abrupt interruption.

"Alright," Colton said as he put another check mark in the box on his list. "Rarity... check, Pinkie Pie... check, Big Mac... check, Filthy Rich... check, Button Mash..." Colton got on all four hooves and glared around the room that served as his makeshift office. "Who's the wise pony that put Button Mash on my list?" His demands made several of his office workers snicker, but one stood out.

Colton trotted over to the yellow pegusus who was laughing so hard tears were flowing down his face. He narrowed his blue eyes as he kicked Break Neck in the gut with his fore hoof.

Break Neck immediately stopped laughing and started rubbing his side. "Oww," He complained as he looked up at the large gray stallion that stood over him. Colton blew his white mane out of his eye before glowering and snorting at the pegasus in disgust.

"Why did you put Button Mash's name on my buck-it list?" Colton asked, snorting right in Break Neck's face for good measure, causing his blue mane to flutter about a bit before going back into place.

The yellow pegasus got up on all four hooves though the pegasus was taller than his Earth pony boss he was still afraid of the big boss and the big boss didn't like it when any pony picked on his candidate and sort of friend. "I meant, no disrespect... Slick," Break Neck apologetically said as he look past Colton at the green coated pony who was sitting at his desk. Though Cermit was currently hiding behind a newspaper. "But Cermit dared me to do it!" He said in his defense.

Colton sighed as he looked over at the news pony or as God Pony put it, his purveyor of pony propaganda, or triple P for short. "Cermit," Colton said as he pointed a hoof at Break Neck. "Would y'all stop darin' Break Neck here to do things like this, it's gone from mildly humorous to annoying." Colton put his hoof down with a resounding clomp. "Besides how many times have I told y'all I'm not into ponyfellia."

Cermit slowly put his newspaper down. "Yes, Slick," he said with a gulp. "Just out of curiosity you're not going to tell God Pony on me..." he gulped again. "are you?"

Colton shook his head and Cermit let out a sigh of relief. Colton glared at all of them one more time before he snorted. "Now would y'all get back to work!"

"Yes, Slick!" every pony exclaimed as they went back to what they were doing before the incident, but this time they were doing it about twenty percent faster.

Colton went back to his buck-it list. He took the quill form the table and dipped it into the inkwell before putting a huge thick black line through Button Mash's name.

He pushed up on the scroll to reveal the next set of ponies he may or may not have bucked yet. "Let's see," Colton said as he looked over the names. "Octavia..." He scratched his head with a hoof as he tried to put a muzzle to the name. "I'm not really sure." So he skipped that one and went to the one beneath it. "Umm, Vinyl Scratch??" He was thoroughly confused. "Is that a colt's name or a mare's name." Again he couldn't decide so he skipped that one too.

"Now there's a pony I know." He was really happy when he put a check in the box next to the name of one Toll Booth Molton.

Colton checked off a few more names he recognized and looked up as the door opened. Every pony in the place stopped what they were doing as the white coated pegasus looked around the room. He took off his white fedora with black trim lace, then he threw it toward the hat rack where it spun a bit before settling on the hook. He didn't bother removing his white suit jacket as it blended perfectly to hide his cutie mark. He then pushed his sunglasses down his muzzle to reveal the tops of his caffe-epsresso colored eyes.

"Colton I thought I brought you here to make you the next mayor of Ponyville." God-Pony said as he trotted over to see what the filly chaser was doing now. "And here I see you making a... a..." God Pony looked at Colton in confusion. "What are you making... a list of voters or something?"

Colton had a huge grin on his muzzle. "Oh, it's somethin alright..."

Break Neck interrupted and finished Colton's sentence for him. "That's his buck-it list, boss!"

God-Pony shook his head in disbelief. "You're not plannin' on dyin' on me..." — He narrowed his eyes at Colton. —"Are you slick?"

Colton swallowed and vigorously shook his head. "No, God-Pony... it's not that kind of bucket list..." Colton put his hoof on the scroll. "It's a buck... it... list,"— he turned his head to God Pony who was not looking the least bit convinced. —"It's a list of, you know... all the ponies I bucked..."

God-Pony let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "Oh, for a second there I thought you might actually be pushin' up daisies... And that would be really bad for business."

God-Pony was satisfied with Colton's answer so he waved his hoof at him allowing him to continue his... work. Break Neck stiffened when God Pony trotted over to where he was busy filing papers.

"So," God-Pony said as he pushed his glasses back up his muzzle to hide his eyes. "Break Neck, where are we on finding this Steven Magnet guy?"

Break Neck swallowed a huge lump that formed in his throat. "Uhh...

Author's Note

So here's the one shot that's been bugging me for a while now.

If you get all of the references your doing well.
(Most of them date back to the early 90's)

If you don't get them, I suggest google or... asking your parents, trust me they'd know.