AKA, Fulfilling The Dragon Code
“Stupid Spike… Stupid Dragon Lord… Stupid dragon law bullcrap!”
Garble’s feet were aching. His eyes were strained and bloodshot. His massive red and golden wings weren’t hurting as badly as his legs, but he had no strength left in him to fly instead of walk. In conclusion, the dragon was absolutely pooped.
Of course, if someone were to ask how Garble was feeling, he wouldn’t have used the word “pooped.” If anything, he would say something like “pissed,” or “furious,” or “too tired to give a crap.” But more realistically, he’d just grumble and not say a word to anyone who asked.
Unless it was another dragon.
Grable gritted his fanged mandibles hard enough to risk shattering due to his overwhelming rage. Losing the Dragon Lord Challenge was bad enough, especially to a girl. But the fact that some puny little twerp from Equestria who didn’t even have wings got the staff first just rubbed salt in the wound. Garble would’ve done anything to wring that little newt’s head like a chicken, but he knew that was never going to happen. Especially after Spike used his title of Dragon Lord to make Garble not only leave back home, but to hug every dragon he saw without explaining why!
Just thinking about that order made the dragon seethe in fury. He may have wanted to kill a lot of things before Spike came along, but being forced by that pipsqueak to hug every dragon in his sight was enough to make Garble want to skin him alive. Even if that dragon was protected by an all-powerful Alicorn Princess, just the satisfaction of doing that would’ve made any punishment worth it to Garble.
Except for this.
Of all the things he could have been forced to do, it was hard for Garble to think of anything that was more degrading or lame than hugging everyone. Yeah, it could have been something more violating or risque (at least Garble wasn’t forced to wear anything while obeying his order), but just the tameness of the punishment made it even worse! Why couldn’t he have just been forced to say something stupid in front of everyone, or let himself be kicked in the groin?!
Garble was laughed at. He was pushed away, He was called every name in the book, including several which he never even learned until trying to get a damn hug. And to top it all off, he ended up being a punching bag for a particularly nasty group of dragons he flew past while they were enjoying a lava bath. Granted, he would’ve done the same thing if he was in their position, but still!
So now, Garble had a claw pressed against his left eye, hoping it wasn’t too swollen by the time he got home to hoard for more jewels. His wings may have been unharmed, but his left eye was always his good eye when it came to spotting gems for the taking. But even if his eyesight was fine after getting some rest, his sore jaw would’ve made it hard to eat any of those gems anyway.
The barren, desolate dunes of the Dragon Lands began to move past Garble, and the outline of trees slowly came into view in the distance. The dragon sighed in sweet relief, knowing that no other dragons were bound to be on his way from here on out. As soon as he reached his cave, Garble would not only get some rest, but he would be free of that stupid order that Dragon Lord Spike gave him.
“Ugh!” Just thinking of that title made Garble groan in boiling anger. Not only did Spike make that his first order as Dragon Lord, but it was also his LAST! Instantly after telling Garble what he needed to do, Spike just gave the stupid staff to Princess Ember! A girl! All that training, all that pillaging, and all that dedication and pain lead to nothing but being outdone by a midget and a dragon who can’t even pee standing up!
The dragon stopped to collect his breath, not wanting to get into another screaming fit and start throwing rocks everywhere. The last time that happened, several dragons came by to see what was going on. And guess what happened?! They didn’t exactly take kindly to Garble going from a rage-induced psycho to some fruity weirdo who tried to hug all of them without explaining why! One of them punched him in the kidneys, and another kicked him hard enough in the gut to make him pass out momentarily. But at least Garble got to hug them first.
But now, his journey home was almost complete. As the skies started to turn pitch dark, Garble began to walk along the outline of the thick, untamed forest where his cave was nearby. It may have been a bit hypocritical to have his cave so close to Equestria when he hated the place so much, but it was also a good spot to snag any stray animal who lost his way and wandered into his territory. Sure, Garble could live on gems alone, but squirrel meat is pretty damn good when it’s fried up like chicken.
His cave was now within sight, and Garble grinned wide when he saw his home. His claw dropped down, but his blackened eyes didn’t seem to bother him as he narrowed them in satisfaction. He did it! He finally finished his journey, so now he won’t ever have to hug another--
“Waaaaahhhhhh!!!”
That whiny, effeminate wail made Garble’s ears perk up in curiosity. He craned his head to the source of the cry, which seemed to be coming from inside the woods. Garble usually wouldn’t have gone into those woods, mostly since it wasn’t exactly necessary. But something about that cry made Garble want to investigate. It sounded pretty big, so maybe he could get himself a good dinner when he got back to his cave. If this cryer is even half as delicious as a moose, then Garble was in for a good treat.
Garble cautiously walked into the foliage of the forest, fully aware that he wasn’t as safe as he was back in his own territory. But as those cries became stronger, Garble kept going with determination. His stomach was growling, and he was completely out of gems in his satchel. So if risking his butt in an enchanted forest was enough to get him some grub, then the dragon wasn’t going to let a little risk keep him from his reward.
After pulling away a rather large wall of vines, Garble’s eyes widened as he saw a sparkling pond in the middle of the forest. As soon as those vines were gone, the cries he heard before were now almost deafening. Perched in the middle of the pond, a glittering purple creature with an outrageous orange hairdo and matching mustache was sobbing uncontrollably. If Spike was around, he would’ve been able to explain to Garble who this creature was quite easily. After all, that particular sea serpent attended the same wedding that Spike did just a few months back.
The serpent, known as Steven Magnet, was bawling his eyes out while alone in the pond. From his spot, Garble wasn’t able to see the neatly-stacked pile of letters that was placed on the ground at the other side of the pond. While they were all written quite eloquently in purple ink, most of the pages were wrinkled and smudged from the tears that fell on them by Steven. The serpent let out an especially loud and lingering wail with his face pointed up at the clear night’s sky. “BAAAAAAAHHHH!!! WH… WHYYYYY!!!”
Garble was unbelievably weirded out to say the least. With his face scrunched in with discomfort, the dragon just shook his head silently and turned around. He had no idea who that guy was, and he certainly wasn’t going to stick around and find out. He was almost home, and he wasn’t going to let some weird snake-dragon thing get in the way of--
The dragon instantly froze with his eyes shot wide open. As Garble’s claw held into one of the vines, it began to squeeze it unbelievably tight before he winced. His eyes clenched shut, and his teeth gnarled in fury. He had no idea who that guy was, let alone if he was even a dragon; however, the fact of that matter was that he had to follow that STUPID order! Garble had to know if that guy was a dragon, or else he could risk disobeying his duty due to a ridiculous technicality.
A heavy crash shook the ground as Steven Magnet’s head hit the ground beside the tranquil pond. The letters ruffled around a little, but surprisingly weren’t blown away while Steven continued to cry. His chin rested tightly against the grass , and his tears began to pour out onto it and leave a small trickle back to the pond. His bawling temporarily ceased enough for the serpent to open his reddened eyes, and he sniffled as he asked himself shakily. “Why… Why won’t he write back?”
“... Uhhhh…”
Upon hearing the faint voice behind him, Steven’s head whipped around quickly enough to generate a huge gust of wind that almost threw Garble off his feet. Fortunately, the dragon was still holding onto the vine strongly enough to not fall on his back in front of this massive creature. Steven sniffed a couple times as he looked down at him, and Garble meagerly cleared his throat as he tried to speak.
“Ummm, are you, uhh…” Garble was clearly uncomfortable, and his head shifted away from the sea serpent while his eyes struggled to make contact with Steven’s. “Are… you a dragon?”
Steven’s thick, orange brows raised in surprise. “A dragon?” He then huffed with a light smirk and brought a claw up to his own chest to clarify in a tone that sounded like Garble asked a silly question. “Me?”
Now that Steven knew of his presence, Garble couldn’t help wincing to himself while making a small nod of his head.
“Well,” began the other in a more light-hearted tone as he wiped his eyes with his forearm, “technically speaking, I’m a sea serpent. I’m not sure if I could necessarily be called a dragon like you!”
A huge exhale swept across Garble’s relieved face. With a satisfied smile, the dragon nodded and began to turn around with a wave of his claw. “Okay, that’s all I wanted to know, see ya!”
“Although,” Steven Magnet kept talking, seemingly not hearing that response from Garble as he looked upward in contemplation. “I do think that sea serpents are a subgroup of the dragon family. Kinda like how turtles are technically reptiles? So, while we might not be the same exact species, I suppose I could be called a dragon if you wanted to get all technical or--”
Steven quickly stopped his words as he looked back down at Garble. His eyes widened worriedly as he asked, “Umm, excuse me? Why are you hitting your head against that tree?”
Garble wasn’t listening, and was just muttering every swear word he knew to himself as he hit his head against the tree trunk. With his eyes and teeth clenched in regret, it took everything within the dragon to not start going ballistic in this forest and risk becoming a target to whatever else lurked around here. But before Garble could swallow his pride and fulfill his duty. He felt the massive tip of a claw tap him gently on the shoulder. “H-hello?” asked Steven as his voice became more concerned. “Do… do you need to see a doctor or--”
Garble quickly pulled himself away from the tree, and made an especially bitter groan when he turned around to face Steven. With a nasty scowl on his face, the dragon didn’t wait for the other to finish his question as he wrapped his arms around Steven’s neck. The sea serpent’s eyes widened in surprise, barely able to register that one-second hug until Garble quickly walked away.
“Don’t ask,” muttered Garble through gritted teeth, not needing another dragon to ask him if his wings flapped that way. However, with disturbingly agile speed, Steven rushed out of the pond and wrapped the front half of his body around the dragon to keep him in place.
“WAIT!”
Garble quickly stopped dead in his tracks. Due to Steven's tremendous length, the sea serpent was able to face Garble directly at the front, while his backside was still behind the dragon. And with the foliage thickly draped above them, Garble gulped as he slowly began to realize he couldn’t get away from this guy so easily.
“Wh… what was that for?” asked Steven with his eyes gleaming down at Garble. From the shaky tone he had in his voice, along with the way his lips trembled under his wide-open eyes, it was clear that the sea serpent wasn’t upset at Garble at all. In fact, Steven almost looked… thankful, albeit a little confused as well.
Nevertheless, the dragon just growled through his mandibles and muttered, “I’m not supposed to say!” He tried to maneuver his way past Steven, but was stopped as the purple creature swooped in front of him with a raised claw.
“Now wait just a second!” Even though he tried to make his voice firm for emphasis, Steven still seemed curious for a legitimate answer from Garble. “I really want to know! Why did you hug me? In fact, how did you know I was out here when I was…”
Steven’s words drifted into silence, and Garble just assumed that the serpent was acting hesitant to finish that question. However, after a few seconds passed, Steven’s puffy eyes began to widen slowly. As he stared down at Garble, it seemed that something in Steven’s mind clicked. Like an invisible light bulb above his head just turned itself on.
Steven gasped with an excited smile that sprung from his muzzle. His claws came up to both sides of his face as he exclaimed, “Ohmigosh! It’s YOU, isn’t it?”
Garble instantly became more worried. He tried to step back from Steven as he asked with a clear tone of fear in his voice, “Uhhh… what are you talking a--”
“You’re my secret admirer!!” Steven lunged towards Garble, and wrapped his arms around the dragon before any claws could be drawn against him. The serpent gave an especially tight squeeze, which made Garble let out a rather loud squeak as his eyes nearly bulged out of his sockets. Meanwhile, Steven continued to rave on while his blush grew deeper. “Ohhhh, I knew it!! IknewitIknewitIknewitIknewitIknewitIknewitIknewitIknewit! I KNEW you wouldn’t stop writing all those love letters to me for no reason!”
Garble’s pupils shrank to the size of pins in an instant. But since he was nearly being crushed by Steven’s iron-like grip, all that the dragon could do was creak very faintly through his open mouth. “...Aaaaaaaaaaa…”
“Oh, don’t worry, I completely understand! I’m not mad at you for making a surprise visit, I swear!” Steven finally loosened his grip on the dragon, but still held Garble in his claws like a baby as he pulled back to look at him. The serpent’s eyes turned half-lidded as he stared at the gasping dragon, and his smile turned enamored while sighing dreamily. “Ohhh… You look even cuter than I imagined you would be!”
“N-NO!!!” Garble lost all the limited air in his lungs from that yell alone, but as he tried to take another breath, his head shook violently. His muzzle struggled to word out what he needed to say, despite not being able to make any of his words audible. “No, no, no, no, no, no--”
“Oh, don’t be so overcautious about yourself, snuggle bear! You really are beautiful!” Steven then gave Garble another extremely tight hug, which made any other statements the dragon could’ve said completely fruitless. The dragon’s face was smushed hard against Steven’s as he was forcefully nuzzled with the softness and subtlety of an industrial-grade power-sander. “Mmmmm,” moaned Steven as his voice turned more loving and sweet, “I’m so glad we’re able to hold each other for the first time like this! It’s just like a romance novel, isn’t it?”
For Garble, this interaction felt more like something from a horror movie. Due to his limited lung capacity and the lovestruck serpent’s grip, Garble wasn’t able to move, let alone say anything in refusal. Needless to say, he was absolutely terrified at what was going to happen to him. Even if Steven was being overly nice, the dragon did not want to stick around when this guy would start to become more... mature with his affections.
Unfortunately, Steven’s smile was already turning more lustrous. He pulled his head back to stare into Garble’s petrified eyes, while his own looked back with a growing intensity that the dragon could clearly recognize from past mating sessions. Steven’s muzzle grinned wide, exposing his glimmering white fangs as he said, “Mmmmm… you have no idea how long I thought about this night…”
If Garble hadn’t have gone to the bathroom so soon before coming into this forest, there would’ve been a very large puddle underneath them right now. With his eyes widening in terror, Garble took a deep breath so he could do something he never wanted to do in his life: Call for help.
“HEL--Mmmmmmph!!”
Unfortunately, as soon as Garble opened his mouth, Steven saw that as an invitation for something completely different. The serpent didn’t even register that Garble was trying to say something, and simply pressed his muzzle right against the dragon’s. Garble tried to pull back, but one of Steven’s claws instinctively went behind the dragon’s head to keep him in place for their first, and very sloppy kiss. Garble actually screamed into Steven’s mouth, and a massive flame shot out of him that would’ve scorched any other creature like a barbecue.
Steven pulled away from the dragon’s mouth with a very loud and wet pop. He covered his muzzle to cough a couple times, with smoke and ash coming out in cute little clouds like he just smoked his first cigar. He used his claw to fan his mouth while looking down at Garble with a surprised raise of his brows. “Oh my! That was a lot spicier than I anticipated!”
Garble was speechless. As he stared up at Steven with his mouth agape, he was absolutely shocked that this serpent wasn’t burnt into a crisp. Steven’s lips curled into a more sensual smirk, and Garble’s eyes struggled to stay open as he heard him say, “Mmm… I hope that flame of yours works in other places.”
The dragon instantly opened his wings and tried to fly straight up. He may have been under some thick foliage, but the risk of getting hurt from unknown thorns or branches sounded infinitely better than finding out what Steven meant by that statement. “Wait, where are you going?” asked Steven as he shot up in the air. Due to his length, the serpent was able to bounce straight up like a spring and grab Garble’s tail with ease. “I thought you didn’t like playing Hard-to-Get!”
Steven then fell back down to the ground, with his body curving like a spring to cushion any impact. Since he was still clinging to Garble’s tail with disturbing strength, there was nothing the dragon could do but scream while being pulled back down in the clutches of the emotional and misinformed lover. Unlike Steven, Garble ended up crashing to the ground hard, and was knocked unconscious for a good couple of seconds. When he finally came to, he was lying on the ground and trying to look up at the serpent above him. Unfortunately, it was hard to register what Steven was saying while a bunch of twinkling stars danced around Garble’s jarred head.
“Oh, are you okay, sweetie?” asked Steven with a worried look on his face. He picked up Garble with both claws and held him close to his chest “I’m sooooo sorry about that! I never seem to remember my own strength when it gets to me! But you understand, right?”
He then grew a more sensual grin as he stared down at the dragon and added, “After all, you kept writing about how you wanted a big, strong serpent to play with you.”
“N-N-NOOO!!!” Garble finally broke free from Steven’s grip, and was able to speak normally as he pulled away from the serpent as much as he could. “L-listen, uhhh… whoever you are,” began the dragon with both claws raised to keep Steven at a respectable distance from him. “I have absolutely no idea who you are, and you have the wrong guy! I never wrote anyone any letters! Never! Not to anyone!”
Steven’s eyes widened before starting to well up again. His smile was quickly replaced with a strong pout as he asked with a heavy sniff. “Wh… what?”
“I don’t know you!” shouted Garble while taking another step back from the serpent. “I just heard something from outside the woods, so I came in to see what it was. I never wrote to you, and I just came here because I heard you and…”
As Steven’s face scrunched in even more, Garble involuntarily winced in fear that this guy was gonna start bawling like a baby again. Steven sniffed heavily in an attempt to keep himself from crying, but tears were already streaming down his scaly cheeks. His head slowly slumped down to stare at the ground. Garble saw that this was his chance to escape, and he slowly tried to step aside to pass him. “Uhhh… sorry about the interruption. I guess I’ll be going. Hang in there, bye.”
Just as he was about to completely pass Steven, Garble heard the serpent speak up. The dragon groaned under his breath while Steven asked, “S-so…”
Steven turned his head to look down at Garble from the side. Tears were still rolling down his face when he asked, “So you… you don’t know who I am?”
“Nope,” said Garble as quickly as he could so he could be on his way. “Never met you, bye!”
The dragon was already walking away, so he didn’t see how Steven’s brows were raising in revelation. “And… and you still hugged me when you saw me crying?”
Garble froze, his eyes widening in instant panic again. From the way the serpent sounded, it was clear that he was becoming optimistic again. Meanwhile, a smile began to reemerge on Steven’s muzzle. “Awwwww… You’re such a sweetie!”
“NO!!” barked Garble as he quickly turned around and spoke in defense. “I was NOT trying to be sweet, okay?! So get that idea out of your head right now! I only hugged you because I had to!”
Steven was now starting to look confused. Only one of his brows stayed raised as his head tilted to the side slightly. “You… had to hug me?”
“Yes! I…” Garble stopped himself and rubbed the back of his awkwardly. Even though he wanted to just explain what happened so this guy would leave him alone, he also remembered what Dragon Lord Spike said: He had to hug every dragon he saw, and not tell them why. With a bitter pout appearing on his face, the dragon looked away with a gruff and mumbled, “I can’t… tell you why. I just had to do it.”
“AWWWW!!!” Steven seemed rather touched by that statement, and had both claws over his chest to cover his racing heart. “You saw me crying and had to hug me! You’re such a sentimental dragon!”
“NO I’M NOT!!!”
“Oh, alright, alright. I believe you,” said the serpent with a roll of his eyes, although his smirk and playful tone indicated that he was less than convinced. Steven then looked down at Garble with a smile and said, “Well, I’m still very thankful that you told me that. After all the time I spent waiting for my admirer, I’m glad that someone was able to make me think straight for a change! I mean, he hasn’t replied in over two months! Can you believe that?”
“Nope, guess not.” Garble quickly turned around to leave, intent on doing nothing but going home and washing the taste of serpent tongue out of his mouth. “Bye.”
Steven crossed his arms and sighed as he kept ranting about his pen-pal. “I’m glad you understand. Ugh, and to think! I was gonna share all my emeralds with him!”
Once again, Garble stopped while one foot was still in the air. He blinked a couple times before turning around, with his ears twitching at what he thought he heard. “Uhhh… did you say emeralds?”
“Mmmhmm,” said Steven with a nod. “I tend to find a lot of them around here, so I keep them as a bit of a hobby. And the guy seemed really interested in seeing my collection! But after he left me hanging for that long? No thank you, sir!” The serpent made four distinct snaps with each word in that last sentence, which was choreographed to make a ‘Z’ motion with his arm.
Garble’s eyes narrowed in thought while he bit the inside of his cheek. Even though he couldn’t say he liked this guy very much, the fact that he had Garble’s favorite emeralds was more than tempting. Especially when he could feel his empty stomach churning for some proper nutrition. After a moment’s worth of debate, his muzzle skewed as he looked up at Steven to ask curiously, “So… how many emeralds do you have?”
“Oh, I lost count years ago!” exclaimed Steven with a wave of his claw. “I have piles of them all over my caverns! Of course, I prefer diamonds myself, so the emeralds just lie around all day. But they do give the caves a nice ambiance when the light hits them right.”
The dragon widened his eyes in surprise. Just the fact that this serpent had a ton of emeralds was enough to make his mouth start watering, but hearing that the guy didn’t even eat them made his thoughts race faster than he thought was possible. Garble’s feet started to twitch underneath him, and he bit his lip as ideas kept passing through his head. With the thought of sinking his mandibles into those gems, each idea of the dragon’s seemed to be crazier than the last; of course, they also became increasingly feasible in his mind.
“Hmmm…” A small smirk crept at the corners of the dragon’s muzzle. “You think maybe we could… talk for a little while?”
“Talk?” asked Steven inquisitively.
“Well, yeah,” replied Garble as he tried to schmooze his way through the discussion like had with some of the female dragons back home. “I mean, you obviously have a lot to say about this guy, so maybe we can talk about it back at your place.”
Well, before I rob it blind, of course, thought the dragon to himself evilly.
“Ooh, I like that idea!” piped Steven with a rather large smile. “You really mean it?”
“Of course!” said Garble with both claws raised in false sincerity. His tone became more ‘sympathetic’ as he added, “It seemed like that guy was a total jerk, so maybe you need someone to talk to.”
“Oh, THANK YOU!!!” Before Garble could protest, Steven swooped down to give him another strong hug. Luckily, this one wasn’t hard enough to squeeze the air out of the dragon’s lungs again, so he was able to force the fakest smile as he could to convince this serpent he could be trusted.
“Oh, we have soooooo much to talk about!” piped Steven with glee. As he carried Garble under his arm back to the lake, he began to babble on without much thought. “I mean, he seemed like such a nice guy in the letters he sent me, so I was convinced something happened to him! But you know what? If he’s going to flake out without any explanation, then who needs him, you know? Oh, I’m so glad I have you! You’re so understanding and caring! But still a gruff and tough dragon! And don’t worry, I have a guest bedroom and a spare toothbrush, so you can get situated after our big swim.”
“Well, that’s good to--” Garble stopped and looked up at Steven with an uneasy feeling. “Uhhh… swim?”
“Well, yes!” As Steven got himself into the pond, he kept Garble above the water level as he explained. “My cave is ten miles down under this lake! I usually come up once a month or so for supplies, but don’t worry! I have plenty of oxygen and food to last both of us for MUCH longer than that! You’ll be fine! Although, I also have quite a bit of ancient wine, so don’t be surprised if I get a little grabby after a few glasses.”
Garble was barely listening to the serpent after that first sentence. Instead, his face was becoming a ghastly white as his eyes widened in fear. “Uhhhh… ten miles?”
“Uh-huh!” nodded Steven. “But don’t worry! I know a neat little trick to give you air on the way down! I mean, it would be the only way to get enough air, both in and out, but I have a feeling you’ll like it.”
The dragon’s eyes started to dart around widely as he immediately regretted his plan. “Uhhh… on second thought--”
“Just close your eyes and open your muzzle. And after an hour you’ll be safe in my little cave!” As Steven bent in, a more sensual smirk crawled on his lips as he added in a whisper, “Just think of this as a warm-up for what could happen later…”
Steven then pulled in Garble for another deep, ravenous kiss. The dragon tried to wave his arms around wildly to get away, but his strength was completely outmatched by Steven’s. As the serpent pulled the terrified dragon under the water with him, his gills unfurled while he swam into the increasingly dark waters. And with Steven’s lips tightly locked onto his own, all that Garble could do was wince in terror, not knowing which fact was worse: that he was being forced to breathe this guy’s fishy breath for over an hour, or the thought of being trapped in his love-cave for over a month!
Meanwhile, the water at the top of the lake stopped rippling, and the space looked just as tranquil as it did before. After a few minutes of silence, the wall of vines opened up again. A familiar white dragon with pink scales came into view under the moonlight while holding a bouquet of flowers. But as he looked around the pond, his anxious smile started to lessen by the second. At the sad realization that his special partner was nowhere to be found, his shoulders slumped down in deep regret.
“Dammit,” muttered Fizzle as a tear came down his cheek. “I knew I should’ve written sooner.”
