The Visitor

“She did not.”

It was a day later. Twilight had acted early enough to catch Rainbow at her home, before she got out of bed. After a short back and forth and a rather indignant descent, the pegasus now stood before her, her whole body tense and her eyes glaring daggers into Twilight’s, who endured them without backing away.

She didn’t give a response; there was no need to. This was not genuine disbelief, like it had been with Applejack.

Rainbow was in denial.

“She did not,” the athlete repeated, but this time it sounded weak in Twilight’s ears.

“I’m sorry.”

“No!” Furious, Rainbow slashed out with her tail, hitting an invisible target behind her. “No! That... that bitch! After all this time! With how she’s always...” She interrupted herself, gasping for breath. “I can’t believe it. I... I...”

Moving so fast that Twilight inevitably jerked back, she sped over to her, closing in the distance. “Has she hurt you? Are you okay? Has she done it before?”

“No, yes, no,” Twilight uttered, taking a step back to find safe ground. “I’m fine, Rainbow. But thanks for worrying about me, I appre-”

“I can’t believe it!” Rainbow gave no sign of having registered Twilight’s response. “That little, filthy, lying, manipulative-”

“Calm down. You’re right to be upset, but-”

“CALM?” At once, Rainbow was in her face again. “I’M SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN AFTER SHE’S TRIED TO RAPE YOU?” She spat at the ground. “Forget it, Twi. I’m gonna go there right now and to give that girl a piece of my mind.” In a blur, she sped off, only to turn around momentarily, coming back to a landing in front of Twilight. “Tell me again. Tell me again that this isn’t a prank. ‘Cause if it is-”

“It’s not a prank. But Rainbow, you really should...” She sighed, watching the blue figure disappear in the distance.

This wasn’t good. She had expected Rainbow to be angry, but not that angry. She licked over her lips, thinking quickly. None of her friends had reacted in the way she had expected, except maybe Pinkie Pie. And visiting Fluttershy now...

Last time, she had come with Rarity, and that hadn’t turned out to be a good idea. But this was different. Having made her decision, Twilight called upon her magic, taking her from under Rainbow’s home back to the library.

And now...

“Open the door, Fluttershy, or Celestia help me I’ll break in.”

There were hasty shuffles to be heard from the other side, and soon after, the door was pulled open by a visibly frightened Fluttershy.

“YOU!” Fluttershy trembled backwards under the assault of an uncomfortably athletic body, and a blue hoof hitting her breast. “You. Raped. Twilight. Almost.” Reaching the end of the room, Fluttershy seemed to shrink into the floor to get further distance between them... all the while, the door remained wide open. “Why?”

“I-”

“Don’t answer,” Rainbow cut her off, snorting. “You. Twilight. You. Don’t you. Have any idea. How much you owe that pony?”

This part came as a surprise to Twilight, who was observing the scene quietly, holding off for now. What Rainbow had said, for her, it didn’t come without a certain sense of pride.

“I... I’m sorry...”

“Hah! I bet you are.” Rainbow’s wings twitched. “I can’t believe you did this, Fluttershy. The only thing that keeps me from hitting you is that at least you haven’t gone through with it.” She shook her head, showing no sense of empathy for her oldest friend. “And that you haven’t done it before.”

There was something wrong with how Fluttershy reacted to this. Rather than nodding frantically, or staying covered to endure the onslaught, she opted to stand up, and her gaze met the eyes of her oldest friend for one, two seconds, before she looked back onto the ground, biting her lip.

“And that you haven’t done it before,” Rainbow repeated. “Twilight told me that you haven’t.”

“I didn’t tell her that.”

Twilight’s body went cold. She knew what this meant. She knew it.

Celestia help her...

All she wanted was to be in the past, the past of ten seconds ago, when she had thought that the crime committed was so much smaller than it actually was. Or, better yet, in the past of two days ago, when they had all been fine.

When the world had still been fine.

Her gaze drifted back to Rainbow, who had yet to connect the dots.

“I just... I only said that... I haven’t done it to... T-Twilight before.”

She could feel anger inside of her, stronger than yesterday, perhaps stronger than anything she’d felt before. She had to bend herself, use her entire force of will not to break cover.

“You’ve done it before.” Rainbow’s voice was calm, but it couldn’t have been more obvious that it was a façade.

“One... o-once.”

“Whom? Whom did you do it to?”

Fluttershy did not answer. Her eyes darted left and right, and Twilight thought to almost hear her heart beating.

“No.”

Rainbow’s eyes seemed to dwell out of her skull as she understood.

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” Her body rocketed forward, and Fluttershy preemptively brought up a wing to shield herself from the anticipated strike...

... but it didn’t come. Even though it were only two steps, Rainbow couldn’t make it, as the lower half of her body was caught in a purple prism.

“Morning, Fluttershy.” Along with herself, the items she had kept hidden became visible as she broke the spell. “I bought you a new kettle,” she said calmly. “And a new cup. And I brought you the one I took with me. And money for a new table.” One by one, the articles in question were being put on the floor between them, the kettle, the cups, and a small bag of bits.

“Rainbow Dash...” Twilight turned to the imprisoned pegasus, glad that the surprise of her sudden appearance seemed to have sucked some of the anger out of her for the time being. “... go home. You’ve lost your temper.”

“Did you hear what that bitch-”

“Yes,” Twilight cut her off, “I heard her.” Her eyes narrowed. “And you have still lost control. Go home.”

“I won’t!”

“Do a flight or something. Kick some clouds. Get some of the anger out. It’s justified, but you still need to cool down before you can come back.” Without awaiting a response, Twilight lit her horn, and in an amount of time that drastically undersold the difficulty and required energy of the task, she pulled Rainbow’s body through the magical plane, making her reappear somewhere halfway to her home.

Fluttershy had watched the exchange with big eyes, her shivering body still pressed against the wall.

“And you!” Twilight spun around, glaring at the miserable sight of her former friend, calling the anger she had just suppressed so successfully back to the surface. “What did you think you were doing? Do you have a death wish?”

And then it struck her. All of her anger disappeared, and a looming sense of threat took over.

“... do you?”

“I...” Fluttershy stammered, her voice low. “I... I-I... no. I just thought... whatever she does with me... that’s what I deserve. I thought... if she beaten me... however much... maybe we’d be bit more even...”

“You wanted to redeem yourself. Is that it?”

Fluttershy nodded. Twilight drove a hoof through her mane, likely ruining it.

“Celestia have mercy, Fluttershy.” Utterly spent, she dropped herself onto the floor, hanging her head, feeling that she too was on the verge of tears. “You... you can’t do that. What if she had killed you? What would it mean for her? For all of us?”

“I know. I’m sorry. I... I didn’t think she would...”

“Great.” Twilight wanted to laugh, but it came out more as a sob. “Really. Great. Well. Well... you are probably right. I don’t think she would have done it. But still. You can’t do this.”

“I know.”

The question that had yet to be answered built itself up inside her, until she could no longer keep it out.

“Why? Why, Fluttershy? Why? Why? Just why?”

“Because...” Fluttershy loosened herself from the wall, sitting down in front of Twilight, tilting her head so that her mane hid her face. “I’m... I’m... I’m so alone...”

Utterly frustrated, Twilight hit onto the ground with a front limb, evoking a clattering sound from the two cups.

“I get that! But... weren’t you alone your whole life? What about Cloudsdale? And Ponyville before I came here? Hasn’t it been worse than it is now all this time? And now you did it? After you got friends? How can you expect me to understand, Fluttershy, when you just got something, and your only reason was that you wanted more?”

“Because you made it worse!”

Those words made her pause.

“How... how so?”

“Because... because you were teasing me. I’ve... I’ve always had this dark side in me, Twilight. And I always knew it. For eighteen years! And then you came, and we got closer, but you never went all the way. You were just teasing me, and then you never delivered. Sure you were giving me friendship, but I already have friends! Look around you! I can talk to those animals, you know? I can talk to them, and they understand me. Sure none of them is nearly as intelligent as a pony, and it was nice to meet others that are, but it was not what I really wanted! It wasn’t what was missing. I wanted closeness, and...”

“Sex?”

Fluttershy bit her lip, staring onto the ground.

“Don’t lie to me, Fluttershy. That’s what this is about, isn’t it? You got friends, but what you really wanted was sex.”

“Not only,” Fluttershy said in a murmur, and with a deflated sigh. “But yes.”

Only after the words had come over her lips did Twilight realize that she was screaming.

“BUT WHY DIDN’T YOU ASK?”

Fluttershy’s reaction was to begin crying. For over twenty seconds, Twilight just sat there, watching the pegasus drop silent tears onto the floor.

“I know I was wrong,” she said eventually. “I know that. That’s why I didn’t... didn’t try to explain to you. I don’t have an excuse.”

“But why?”

“Because... because I was afraid to ask one of you out. What... what if you said no? And... you would almost certainly have said no. I... I was afraid to...”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t have to ask me out.”

“I... what?”

Twilight groaned, standing back up. “Fluttershy. Let me tell you something about sex, since you seem to know nothing about it. Sex is not love. Sex is not reserved between two lovers. Sex is just sex. It’s fun. And it’s great. If you are in love, then I guess it can be an extension of that love. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in love. But you do not need to have love in order to have sex. As you know.” She snorted. “You were going to rape me, Fluttershy. Were you in love with me? Or with Rainbow, for that matter? And you had no problem having sex with us anyway, did you?”

Fluttershy stared at her, for the first time more dumbstruck than ashamed.

“About a month ago, I asked Rarity if she wanted to have sex with me. I didn’t ask her out, I just asked her for sex because I think she’s hot. She said no, and that was it! It did not ruin our friendship! It was a bit awkward for maybe a day, and then we were over it! Now we’re as close as ever.”

She took a step forward, staring down at the pegasus.

“Sex,” she said, “is fun. And it is not that big of a deal.”

Fluttershy looked up at her, her eyes a disbelieving stare.

“D-does that mean...”

“If you wanted to have sex with me,” said Twilight, “all you needed to do was ask.”

Fluttershy’s gaze dropped to the floor. She said nothing. She wasn’t crying anymore, either.

“... but you didn’t know. And I guess that’s not your fault.”

Twilight shook her head. “Celestia once told me that understanding leads to sympathy. I guess that’s always true, even with something as terrible as this.”

For a while, neither of them said anything, until Twilight spoke up again.

“Fluttershy... if you were in my position. If I had almost done to you what you almost did to me... or, let’s say, something that would be as bad for you as what you did would have been to me. What would you do?”

“I...”

“I want the truth. Not what you think I want to hear. Tell me the truth.”

A whole minute passed by, while Twilight waited patiently.

“I would forgive you.”

Twilight nodded. “I believe that.”

“But it wouldn’t be the same. I... I have almost no friends. I wouldn’t... wouldn’t care what you were going to do to me, not as long as you didn’t go through with it. And... and I wouldn’t want to lose you.”

“I thought you didn’t need friends?”

Fluttershy bit her lip. “I... thought so too.”

Twilight sighed, and she knew that she had made her decision. “You know what...” She walked over to Fluttershy, offering her a hoof. “Fuck it.”

Nervously, Fluttershy took it, and Twilight helped her up.

“I forgive you.”

Fluttershy closed her eyes, exhaling long and hard.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“And I don’t want to lose you, either. Come here.”

She took the pegasus into a hug, and she knew that she had made the right choice.

“We’ll stay friends now, you hear?”

“I’ll... I’ll do my best.”

Twilight pushed her away at hoof length to look into her eyes.

“And you won’t do it ever again. To no-one.”

Fluttershy hesitated. Disbelievingly, Twilight stared at her.

“Really?”

“Eeep!” Fluttershy seemed to feel her anger, and it made her jerk backwards, defensively crouching down onto the floor. “You wanted the truth, didn’t you? I... of course I could say yes, but... I... I need to think about it. I told you I have this darkness in me, didn’t I? You think I don’t want it to be gone? Right now, I can’t imagine I’ll do it again, but-”

“You’re right,” Twilight interrupted her. “You’re right. You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s brave of you not to lie. That’s all I can ask for.”

Fluttershy nodded slowly, getting back onto her hooves. “Uhm.” She bit her lip. More time crept by. Then...

“I promise.”

“How?”

“It’s... it’s not like it comes over me at once. It builds up over time. And... and if I feel it, I’ll just... tell you.”

Twilight smiled. “That’s what I want to hear.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah. That’s what friends are for, aren’t they? To prevent their friends from committing rape. Friendship 1-0-1.”

Fluttershy giggled, and before long, Twilight joined her. It was the best thing that could have happened: the laughter broke the tension away, and suddenly, it all seemed to be back like it had always been. Who cared if Fluttershy had once – or one and a half times – done something terrible? She was still Fluttershy. Twilight had been pre-destined to forgive her all along, she knew that now. It had just been a question of when... and she was glad that it hadn’t taken her longer.

“I’ll talk to the others,” she now said. “They’ll come around.”

“Even Rainbow Dash?”

“Even Rainbow Dash. She’s angry, and she has a right to be, but she won’t give up on you. I know she won’t.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Twilight smiled, and suddenly, an idea came into her mind. She almost dismissed it immediately, but something made her hesitate.

Because, after all... why not?

“Fluttershy? Would you like to go somewhere with me?”

“Hm? Where?”

“Do you like swimming?”

“I... uhm. I’m not very good at it.”

“Neither am I.”

“Uhm... okay.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No, I’d like to.”

“Okay then. Take my hoof.”

Fluttershy hesitated. For a moment, she looked as though she was about to change her mind, but then she nodded, offering her left hoof. With a smile, Twilight took it, giving it a squeeze.

“I’ve been studying teleportation magic a lot lately,” she murmured. “Give me a few seconds...”

She channeled her magic, and in a flash, they disappeared.

“Where are we?”

Fluttershy looked around nervously. Twilight knew that it was a place she had most likely never been to before, on the other side of the Everfree forest.

“You’re scared.”

“I... what?”

Twilight gave a shifty smile. “You’re scared that I wanted to take you out here to do something horrible to you. Murder you and hide your body where no-one would find it, or something like that. Come on, admit it.”

“... ... ... will you?”

Twilight giggled. “No. I just had to make a stop here. The beach I want to get to is too far away to do it in one step.”

“Oh. Oh... good.”

With a flash and a second giggle they were gone, reappearing at a small beach with nopony there except for them. To their right was a large cliff, and to their left an expanse of sand stretching on beyond their vision.

“This is beautiful. How did you find this?”

“I’ve been traveling around at night, lately. I’ve been to all sorts of places.”

“How cold is it?”

“It’s tolerable. Come on.”

She made her first steps into the water, and after a few seconds, Fluttershy followed her. For a while, they swam together, and they even played around a bit, splashing water at each other. It quickly became clear that things were not quite back to normal... not yet. But even so, Twilight had fun, and it was as much of a first step as any.

When they were finished, sitting down at the beach together, Twilight noticed her friend growing increasingly nervous. She couldn’t hold it against her.

“We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, Fluttershy. I didn’t have any hidden ideas when I brought you here.”

Fluttershy nodded, hugging herself. “I... I’m okay with talking, if... if you’d like to.”

Twilight nodded too, her gaze fixated on Fluttershy’s figure.

“Fluttershy? The... the pony I thought I knew for the past months. The element of kindness. Is that you? Or is it all a façade?”

“It’s a part of me,” Fluttershy whispered. “The good part. I haven’t been faking that. I just... could hide the bad part. Until...”

“Until you couldn’t.”

“Until I couldn’t.”

“If that’s just you, then how much are the other girls hiding? What about Pinkie?” Twilight suddenly laughed, as she became aware of the implications of her thought. “If you were hiding this from us all along, then isn’t it naive to think that there isn’t also something behind that pony, who’s already a riddle?”

“Uhm. And what about you? Are you hiding something?”

“I...” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

It was true. There were of course things Twilight had been hiding before, but nothing that compared.

Fluttershy bit her lip. “I guess... it’s not everypony, then...”

“What was it that made you do it? What is it about sex that is so... so special to you? You can pleasure yourself, can’t you?”

Fluttershy nodded. “I... it was... it wasn’t the sex. Not directly. It was... closeness. And... having somepony... show love to me. Make love to me. Sex was just the way to do that. The... the way to convince me... I think.”

Twilight was about to answer, but she stopped herself, seeing as Fluttershy wasn’t yet finished.

“I could feel it growing inside of me,” she whispered. “And then... once, after a few days alone, I just... just did it. Rainbow had come over. It wasn’t planned, not for that day. But I had the potion. And... and... a-and I got her under my control, and... and... Twilight, it felt so good!” Twilight could see her muzzle trembling, her tongue running over her lips. “So good. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt in my life, by far. But of course I regretted it. I... I regretted it... so much... but... but coming clean would have ruined everything, and... as it was... nopony had been hurt, and I told myself that once was enough and that... if... i-if I did it again, if I attempted it again, that I would turn around after it’s too late, and ruin everything. I swore that to myself, that I would do that. And I... I thought... I thought that would protect me... from myself. I thought, with that oath, I wouldn’t dare to do it again, because then I would have to ruin it, and that’s why I didn’t need to tell anypony. And... whenever I’m with you, or with the other girls, it’s not so bad anyway. In those moments, I always feel like I have it under control. That makes it harder to say something. But... but I also feel disappointed whenever I see you, and you don’t... you don’t...”

She paused, swallowing, hiding her face.

“It became too much. I had to do it again. And I wanted you, I knew that. So I invited you over. I still got some of the potion from Zecora. I had made a few animals lure her out of her hut, and I’d snuck in and stolen it. And when I was about to... rape you...” Twilight shuddered at the word. “... it wasn’t the oath that made me turn around. I had already convinced myself to break it. It was just... wrong. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. Not... not again.”

“That...” Twilight shook her head, swallowing. “That almost makes you sound like a hero.”

“I’m not.”

“Aren’t you, though? I asked you on that day if you had an excuse. Isn’t that one?”

“No. I wasn’t under drugs. It was all myself.”

“But why does that matter?”

“Well... if I had told you about it. Would it have convinced you?”

“... no.” And that was bad. Twilight knew these moments, those moments when something about her worldview crumbed in on itself. Didn’t make sense anymore.

Didn’t hold up.

“This... I... I... I think... it looks like... it looks like we are too quick to judge ponies. It’s easy to live a decent life if you have no reason to be bad, isn’t it? Maybe we can’t judge ponies just based on what they do... or maybe, maybe not even close.”

“But can’t you spin that further?” Fluttershy remarked. “Isn’t everything we do because we are the person we are, which we didn’t choose?”

“Maybe. But you... you went against your desires when you didn’t rape me. And... and you failed when you didn’t talk to us earlier... and when you did it to Rainbow. Acting differently would have made you a worse pony... or a better one. That’s where I would like to draw the line. On the choices you make... within their context.” She sighed. “But either way... I’m not mad at you anymore.”

“I think you have a right to be, though.”

“I don’t.” Twilight stood up. “And I’m not. At all, really. As far as I’m concerned, you owe me nothing. It’s... funny how different I see this now, but I... I honestly do feel like I owe you for not going through with it.”

“Mhh...” Fluttershy stood up too, a real smile on her face. “Let’s say we’re even?”

Twilight nodded. “Even.”

“And friends.”

“And friends.”

“And cold.”

“And cold.” Twilight giggled. “Come here. I’ll take us back home.”