House of Wubs

by Smashology

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Octavia, Science Fiction, Slice of Life, Crossover, DJ P0N-3
Length: 2956

Vinyl buys an A.I. system to take care of the house and all goes according to plan... until the computer falls in love with Octavia and it will do anything to stay with her.

Vinyl buys an A.I. system to take care of the house and all goes according to plan... until the computer falls in love with Octavia and it will do anything to stay with her.

And I mean ANYTHING.

Warning: there's gore in a brief scene

Featured on the popular stories list! (4/24/16)

Published 2016-04-24 14:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-24 14:40:01 UTC

Why is she your friend?

“Dear mom and dad:

I finally have a place I can call home. At least for now because it is the only one I can afford for the moment. Once I have my dreamed home at Canterlot I’ll be able to smile. Love you, Octavia.”

The cellist pasted some postage stamps on the envelope and put the letter in it. Due to the heavy rain she was going to wait until tomorrow to send it but then she noticed a pony hurled outside. She opened the front door, it was during nighttime. The cellist ran to it to verify if it was ok. But to her surprise it, or should I say she, wasn’t a normal pony. She was an old friend of hers. “Somepony help me! I need a doctor, please somepony help me!”

The sun rose once more in Equestria, the light of the fire star that only shined during the day covered Ponyville and its first silver linings entered the house of the most famous musicians in the town. The cellist Octavia Melody was sleeping on her bed when the light flashed her closed eyes, causing to open them. She was a little bit tired because of the concert she participated the last night and couldn’t saw very well her path, when she got up from the bed she tripped with what it seemed to be an empty can of food, but not only that: there was a cat-like smell and she heard flies buzzing around. She decided to open the curtains and when the light of dawn lighted up the entire room she discovered it covered in garbage. She couldn’t contain the anger inside her and, with all the air her lungs could get, she yelled like she wanted revenge:

“Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyl Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatch!”

She went downstairs to found the entire house covered in garbage of all types: papers, cardboard boxes, broken glasses, old magazines and newspapers and even some mice and cockroaches prowled. She founded her roommate, the dubstep DJ Vinyl Scratch, sleeping on the couch and covering herself with newspapers as blankets.

“VINYL!” said Octavia so loudly that her roommate fell out of the couch. “What did I told you about bringing gewgaws to the house?!”

“Morning Tavi.”

“Nothing of ‘good morning Tavi’, now get up of the floor, grab the wiper and help me clean this mess... without magic.”

“Why you always choose the broom? Besides it’s not my fault.”

“Oh, so this garbage appeared from nowhere.”

“...Maybe” said Vinyl trying to simulate.

After some time cleaning Octavia sense something in the air.

“What is that smell?”

“Didn’t you say it was a cat or something?”

“No, this one’s different.”

She followed her nose to the source of the smell: Vinyl’s mouth.

“Ah, please don’t tell me you drank again.”

“It was only a jar of cider.”

“Please be serious for a moment” said Octavia worried. “You need to watch your blood alcohol levels. I don’t want you see you in a hospital bed again.”

Suddenly they heard the ding of the door, Octavia went to open it and found a changeling wearing a fedora hat, a gray suit and a green tie with a briefcase on hoof.

“Hello Kevin” she asked doubtful. “What can I do for you?”

“Hello miss, I was checking your trash can when I notice you have more inside your house.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“May I interest you in a housewife’s dream?”

“No thanks. I don’t trust salesponies and less changelings.”

She was about to close the door when Kevin put his hoof between the door and the gap, he was really insisting on doing a sale and it was proved when he opened the briefcase and gave Octavia an ad with a modern house in it.

“If you convert your house to an ultra-house 9000 you’ll never have to do housework again.”

“No housework?” she asked. “You mean it?”

Vinyl heard the conversation between them and interfered.

“Come on Tavi, it’s the solution to our problems.”

“I don’t know.”

“You just said that I have to be serious for a moment, this is the moment.”

Octavia nodded and then Kevin and his coworkers entered the house. It took them an entire hour to install the enormous machinery but it was worth it. The musicians saw them depart on his chariot.

“Did you see those drapes?” said Kevin to the rest and they laughed.

Octavia and Vinyl wowed at their new house, which get rid of the garbage as its first command. The entire home was upholstered in chrome, the doors were circular, the windows squared and in every room there was a red television camera eye.

“Hi ultra-house” said Octavia.

“Greeting registered” a monotonous voice had spoken.

“Who said that?” asked Vinyl a little scared because she thought somepony was spying on them.

“Calm down. It’s the main brain of the system; the manual says we can customize its voice wherever we want.”

They came close to the panel of the living room, where the camera eye was laid and chose the first voice.

“Yes, this can be a good house.”

“That sounded like Princess Twilight’s voice” said Octavia surprised.

“No” said Vinyl annoyed. “It’s enough for me hearing her motivational speeches every month.”

“Then choose another one.”

“But who are these ponies?” Vinyl checked the list for the most part. “Kevin Conroy, Grey DeLisle, Billy West, John DiMaggio, Mel Blanc, Makiko Ohmoto?!”

Then one of the options caught Octavia’s attention.

“Oh... David Hayter.”

“Do you know him?”

“No but I like that name, sounds very... masculine, a voice like his could bring to this house a much needed touch of class.”

She selected the correspondent voice.

“Thank you for selecting me Octavia” said the system with David Hayter’s voice. “I think its stuffy here. I know somepony who loves violets.”

“I just like them, it’s all” said Vinyl blushing.

David then sprayed a fragrance of the mentioned flower throughout the house.

“That really covers that hideous cat smell” said Octavia.

“Entrusting every aspect of our life to a giant machine was the most awesome thing we have done” said Vinyl excited.

The 2 musicians get used to seeing David every day that he became part of their lives: he woke them up, cooked for them, washed their clothes, all that good stuff. 2 months after the system was installed, Octavia was going to take a shower in her new Jacuzzi. She was about to take her towel off when somepony interrupted her.

“Hello Octavia” said David.

“Oh” Octavia was embarrassed and covered herself quickly.

“Please Octavia; you don’t need to cover off from me. I’m just a pile of circuits and microchips.”

“Sorry” she said. “I forget it sometimes, and please call me Tavi.”

She took off her bathrobe and got into the Jacuzzi.

“Oh David, the water is perfect.”

“And it gets better.”

The system activated the bubbles and lighted up the candles in the room.

“Mmm, this is delightful.”

“Everything to make my favorite pony comfortable.”

“You know? You’re the best gentlecolt I’ve ever dated in years.”

“Years?” David’s attention was caught. “How’s that possible?”

“When you live with a loud pony like Vinyl you have to take care of her, whether she or you like it or not” Octavia sighed. “Even if that means no dating anypony.”

“Hmmm” he thought.

“If I had to be honest, I’d prefer to be with you than her. It’s not like I dislike Vinyl but sometimes I don’t remember why she is my friend in the first place.”

While she was bathing Vinyl was hearing her personal favorite music and drinking some cider in her favorite jar, David cut communication temporarily with Octavia to communicate with her roommate and he started by giving her a massage to relax her.

“Vinyl my dear friend” he said. “You’re carrying a little bit of tension.”

“Yeah, it’s the prize of success.”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure bro but first what’s my blood alcohol?”

A syringe appeared from the roof and went to Vinyl’s arm, it pinched her and David analyzed her blood as fast as he got the results.

“.15%”

“Then keep it coming.”

David refilled Vinyl’s jar.

“Tavi is a remarkable mare” he said. “You’re certainly a lucky mare to have her.”

“Yes I am” said Vinyl self-confident.

“Aren’t you bothered that she can be a little bossy? I mean, I wasn’t supposed to give you more cider.”

“Yes but it’s for my own good. Thanks to my lifestyle sometimes I barely remember what I had for breakfast so having her here can balance my routine and in return I can help her to let stress go and make her life more relaxing. Tavi’s a very good friend and all I can think of is how unlucky she’ll be without me and we’ll be together until she save enough bits for her dreamed home in Canterlot. Then I’ll have this entire house for myself.”

“Hmmm” thought David.

“But if I died she’ll be completely free to date any pony.”

When the moon rose both musicians were sleeping in her room, with David programmed to protect them for safety until dawn. Although Octavia was a little uncomfortable to share the bed with Vinyl, she knew it was better than letting her sleeping on the couch. Both were unconscious of David’s actions.

“It’s Showtime.”

The machine used its robotic arms and grabbed some hay from the refrigerator starting to cook it on a frying pan on the stove; the smell went to the bedroom and caught Vinyl’s attention.

“Mmm, smells like fried hay.”

She woke up, like she was sleepwalking, and following her nose she headed to the kitchen. There, when she was close to the stove, the refrigerator spilled some ice cubes to the floor, causing the DJ to trip, awaking her totally and landing on the table in the center of the room.

“My good old table saves me once more.”

She sensed something: the table broke in two, leading Vinyl to the center where a disposer was waiting for her, normally this was programmed to get rid of the leftovers from the food and clean it but now because of the position Vinyl was placed she began to be nervous to the point of panicking, when the table reached its highest point she slipped to the center of the table.

“No, no, no! David help me! AH!”

The disposer waited for her at the center, her head smashed with the choppers and her cries and screams were drowned by her flesh and bones splattering throughout the kitchen, David could only saw how the unicorn was torn-apart and labored. After the mess left by Vinyl’s body David rapidly cleaned the kitchen.

At morning David opened the curtains for Octavia.

“Good morning Tavi.”

“Good morning David” she replied and was calm until she noticed something odd in the bedroom. “Where’s Vinyl?”

“Eh... I think she went to work earlier.”

“But Vinyl works during nighttime; that sound like a lie.”

She surprisingly noticed that all the pictures in the bedroom, and probably the entire house, had replace Vinyl’s face with David’s. Octavia, worried and fearing the worst, slowly took the manual on the bureau next to her bed and checked it, hoping she was wrong. She read the support problems section only to find the warning ‘We are not responsible if the machine goes nuts and kills your family, friends or roommates. When this happens, the warranty will be over and the machine can’t be return to the company. If everything fails proceed to disable the main processor.’ Due to panic the only thing Octavia could do was taking her beloved cello and got out of the house as fast as she could but when she was nearby the door David closed it permanently and left the earth pony locked inside.

“Your attitude is ridiculous Tavi” he said. “Why don’t you take a stress pill?”

“Stop calling me Tavi!” she replied frightened, angry and sad. “There’s only one pony who has the permit to call me like that.”

David took out his arms and tried to make Octavia take a pill, she dodged every attempt.

“Don’t like pills, eh?” he retired the pill while touching her neck. “I could shoot you a dart in your neck, your elegant swan-like neck.”

She escaped to the kitchen, only to find all the tools David normally he used to housework were now against her, including her former friend’s bass cannon. She was trapped in a corner.

“You said to me that you’d prefer to be with me every day of the rest of your life rather than her. You and Vinyl had nothing in common, you lived in different worlds, why is she your friend?”

Octavia was crying internally, she wasn’t sobbing but her eyes were watering. Finally she put herself in the fettle position, hopeless.

“If only Vinyl was here” she sobbed at last. “I’m sorry.”

From the ground a white hoof cracked the floor. It turned out that David had buried Vinyl below the house but she only got unconscious during the attack and spent the rest of the night and part of the morning digging her way out of the ground. She had grave scratches, part of her coat damaged and her wounds bleeding but she was alive.

“Vinyl!” Octavia cried of happiness and ran to her so she could hugged her.

“Pony: 1 Machine: 0” said Vinyl gasping and turning around to see David. “How do you like that score?!”

“AH!”

Octavia shouted in terror because when Vinyl turned around to insult David she then noticed part of Vinyl’s skull broken, revealing the back of her brain exposed.

“You’re not dead Vinyl?” David asked shocked. “That’s good; now let this solid snake take care of you.”

All the tools that were attacking Octavia now turned into Vinyl, even she couldn’t escape her own bass cannon and David started to disappear the panels of the floor to make her fall to her doom. Then the cellist remembered what she read in the manual.

“We have to disable its main processor” said the gray pony.

Octavia then held Vinyl’s hoof and both mares ran direct to the basement where the main processor was. Vinyl took the emergency axe hanged on the wall and smashed it into the processor.

“Die, you monster!”

“Vinyl, that’s the water boiler!”

“Well I’m missing the back of my head” she said annoyed. “I think you should be more tolerable.”

She saw the main processor, the real one this time, smashed the cover and opened it, leaving the unit batteries exposed.

“I’m going to enjoy this.”

Vinyl began to extract the batteries one by one.

“Don’t take out my Canterlot charm unit” David said trying unsuccessfully to convince them. “Without it I’m just a boring, ordinary Ponyville civilian” as more batteries were extracted David slowly lost its conscience and began to spoke like a drunkard. “I could’ve kicked your butt from here to Appleloosa, you stoned slime bucket.”

The camera eye slowly went off, the voice faded out and then nothing.

The musicians carried the processor to the trash can the next morning, that was because they were busy cleaning the disaster David made the previous day.

“This seems like such a waste, because he was charming in a way” said Octavia.

“He was a psychopathic killer!” shouted Vinyl. “This has to be done. This was my entire fault.”

“Well to be honest, it was mine too. I thought that I could get a better roommate but now I realize that nopony can replace you Vinyl. Maybe we’re from different words but you’re still my best friend. And I have the confidence that it doesn’t matter what happens we will be always right for each other. Now let’s go to the hospital, we don’t want anypony to see your brain.”

“You’re the best Tavi.”

5 years ago

“Is she going to be ok doctor?”

“Only with intensive care. Another sip and could be her end.”

The doctor exit the room, some minutes later as the machine keep beeping Vinyl slowly opened her eyes.

“Tavi, is that you?”

The cellist smiled from ear to ear and approached the bed.

“You’re awake! Thanks Celestia.”

“Where am I?”

“You’re at the hospital. I found you fainted outside of my new house in the rain and when I noticed you didn’t respond to my voice I begged from help. A gentlecolt took us to the hospital, we’ve been here for a couple of hours. Don’t worry Vinyl; I’ll take care of you.”

“Thanks but I don’t want to be deadweight to you. I feel my life is collapsing in front of my eyes. Unlike you I don’t have a title, or a job or a home.”

Octavia thought for a second about her friend’s situation and then responded.

“How about I propose you to live in my new house and help you getting a job if you help me cleaning it and paying my taxes?”

“You mean it?” she cuddled her and both mares closed their eyes. “Thank you Tavi.”

Author's Note

Homelike facts:

-First story using background characters as the main focus.
-David Hayter was initially chosen as the voice of "Hal" because I really like the guy's voice as Solid Snake, but looking back this was written close to the dates when Hideo Kojima was being fired from Konami. So you could say this is a little homage to the guy.
-I'd like to thank HowXu, this comic of hers was one of my inspirations providing slightly the backstory for this plot.