A Part of Life

Moving On Is

        “Dear Shining Armor, we regret to inform you that Princess Celestia has decided to decline your proposition and instead will be going with her own plan. Thank you and...blah blah blah.” Shining Armor threw the paper onto his desk and put his head into his hooves. “Why do I even bother? She just rejects everything I put through…”

        He was fed up. Celestia asked for his opinion, she asked how he would proceed with a situation and then she would just reject his proposal. This time it was for a group of nearly one hundred Griffon refugees currently sitting outside of Canterlot’s main gate. He had recommended setting up a camp for them to inhabit at the base of the mountain and keep them under constant surveillance.

        Again, it had been rejected.

        “She still values your opinion, Shining Armor. But it is quite obvious my sister and yourself share different views on most subjects now.” Shining lifted his head to look at the alicorn who was currently lounging on the couch on the other side of his office. He wanted to get mad at her for suggesting such a thing, but she had a point like always.

        Princess Luna had been keeping him company when he worked late nights since she came back from the moon. She stated it was simply for matters of security at first, that she needed to be briefed by him personally whenever possible. Later on, however, she had admitted that she just enjoyed his company during the night. He could not deny her that.

        “Then why ask for it if she knows she’s just going to disagree?” Shining was at the point of exasperation with the reigning monarch and Princess of the sun. Soon he was just going to stop offering his opinion and just do whatever she told him to do.

        “Like I said, she values your opinion. It is important to surround yourself with those of a different mindset, you know. It allows a more diverse perspective on issues.” Shining grumbled unintelligible words back at the Princess of the night. He didn’t have it in him to argue with her anymore. They had done enough of that in the past.

        Shining Armor moved his hooves and allowed his head to hit the oak desk with a very meaty thud. It felt like that was his life now, banging his head against a solid object. Except instead of once, it felt like it was repeatedly, every day, for the past two years.

        Part of him felt like it was his failing to protect Canterlot during the Changeling siege that set him at odds with Celestia. His failure to both detect the Changelings already in the city, including Chrysalis herself, and his failure to hold up the barrier when Canterlot was sieged.

        Not to mention his failure to save Cadance.

        “You’re thinking of her again, aren’t you?” Luna spoke gently, her voice full of understanding and kindness. Usually it was rough and demanding, like an old school regent. But in private moments like this, when she sensed that somepony needed her not as a leader but as a friend, she softened up.

        “Yeah…” He answered, the word slipping out with his breath so it was barely audible. His heart started to hurt, and he felt his eyes start to water. He didn’t want to do this, not now.

        “You get this look…” Luna got up from the couch, stretching out her long alicorn legs as she strode over to him. In these moments, when they were alone, she never wore her tiara or vestments. She preferred to feel like just another pony, or at least that’s what she told him. “-when you think about her, your eyes become so sad. So…” She wanted to say dead, and he knew it. But she wouldn’t, she never did.

        He lowered his head to avoid the Princess’ strong azure gaze. However his head was lifted back up by Luna’s hoof. It brushed against the beard he had acquired from the last two years of mourning.

        How many times? How many times had they been this close? How many times have they tempted both physical and emotional boundaries? More than he had ever wanted. He hated how when she looked at him with those eyes that he felt his heart flutter and spirits lift. He hated it with every ounce of his soul.

        He still loved Cadance, and nopony else. That was never going to change.

        “Captai-oh my!” Both he and Luna turned to see one of the Batpony night guards in the now open doorway. “I-uh-I’ll come back later.”Before he could react or even attempt to explain, the nocturnal mare was gone.

        “That’s not good.” He sighed out and slammed the door with his magic. “That’s the last thing I need right now!” Shining could feel his forehead wrinkle and brows furrow tightly. “For Celestia’s sake…” His voice was calm, but as he slammed his hoof on the floor he realized that he was actually quite furious. But it just didn’t reach his outer visage.

        “What? She saw nothing. Just two friends close to one another.” Luna went back to the couch and laid back down. “I do not see a problem.”

        “Well of course you don’t, but let me tell you, rumors spread Luna.” He trotted over to his desk and pulled out a roster that contained all of the guards currently on duty. He looked over the list, trying to see if he could match a name to the face he briefly saw. “The last thing I need is all of Canterlot thinking I’m courting another Princess.”

        As he was beginning to pace, he felt his old injury start acting up. During the siege of Canterlot he had been thrown into a wall after Cadance had...yeah. It had broken a few ribs and dislocated a shoulder. The ribs never healed quite properly and left him with pretty constant pain when he started to get worked up.

        Calmly, he went back to his desk and got his bottle of pain pills out of one of the drawers. Like it was nothing, he popped two in his mouth and then picked up his glass of water that was always present on his desk and drank the pills down with a swig of water.

        “You should allow the royal physician to take a look at that. I’m sure he could help you deal with that pain without consuming medication all of the time.” Luna rolled onto her side, never letting her eyes off of Shining.

        “I’ll be fine. I have been until now, and I’ll continue dealing with it.” Shining sat back in his chair, still scanning the list of names. If he was being completely honest, he couldn’t tell any of the bat ponies apart. It wasn’t his job to keep track of them, it was the Night Captain’s. “What time is it?” Maybe he could remember where the Night Captain would be at this time of night, he could ask her who that guard was.

“Three in the morning.” He was answered by Luna.

“Of course it is.” He was mad at himself for working so late, like he always did. His mother had probably cooked a nice meal for him, and his parents probably missed him.

After the Siege, his parents had allowed him to stay at his old room in their home instead of his and Cadance’s quarters in the castles. He didn’t like staying in the castle apartment anymore, it only roused bad memories.

“Perhaps you need to take a minute and rest. You only have four hours until you are supposed to be back, so maybe a nap would do you good?” He looked at the Princess of the night, who moved back so her back was against the back of the couch. She didn’t openly suggest anything, but he knew what Luna was getting at.

“Yeah, that sounds good. How about you and I switch. You take my chair and I take the couch.” He wasn’t going to lay with Luna. He didn’t need another pony barging in here and seeing something so scandalous.

“Fine.” He heard the slight twinge of disappointment in Luna’s voice. He couldn’t feel too bad about it though, he was still attached to Cadance and couldn’t imagine sleeping with another mare, even in a purely platonic sense.

The alicorn stood up and walked past him, her head held high in indignation. She was not at all happy with that, but what did she expect? Did Luna expect him to just lay with her and let it snowball from there? No, he wouldn’t allow that.

He climbed onto the couch and got into a comfortable position. He had slept on this couch so much in the last few years that he almost instantly fell asleep on it. Shining closed his eyes and hoped for good dreams.

        He was laying in his and Cadance’s bed in their apartment. It was a spring afternoon and a flowery wind blew through the open balcony door. The sun was high in the sky, illuminating the room perfectly. Each marble edifice shone the brightest of white in almost a blinding way.

        The door to his right opened and a familiar face entered. It was Cadance. She was wearing her pure white wedding dress, and her traditional vestments. She looked just as he remembered, pure and pink.

        “Shining.” Her voice sent chills down his spine. It had been so long since he had heard it. It was music, it was peace, and it was all right with the world.

        “Shining…” She moved to the edge of the bed, smiling down at him. Then she climbed onto the bed and draped a soft pink wing over him. He would not object, nor would he argue. Right now, this was heaven.

        Then she leaned in for a kiss, which he gladly reciprocated. His heart fluttered and caught in his throat as they locked lips.

He woke up suddenly, still locked in a kiss. Luna was laying in front of him, her wing draped over him and her lips locked with him. Her eyes were closed and judging from the intensity of the kiss, she was enjoying herself.

He put a hoof on her chest and gave her a small push. He was in too much shock to simply shove her away. The Princess opened her eyes and stared at him for a moment, a blush creeping through her now nervous features.

“I-I’m sorry…” That was him speaking. He didn’t will those words out, they just fell from his mouth. “I have to go.” He stood up, the Princess lifting her wing to allow his escape. “I-I need to get home.” He was dazed and unsure, his body felt compelled to follow these actions that he did not issue.

His body started walking, but his heart wanted to go back. Deep down he felt the need for affection and somepony close to him. He felt the need to go back and kiss her, to lay down. But his body wouldn’t let him. His brain and heart were having two different conversations, and his brain was winning.

His hooves carried him through the castle halls, several batpony guards whispering as he walked by. He knew what they were gossiping about, but his hooves kept carrying him towards the palace’s exit.

Once he was out of the castle and away from the gossiping guards and seemingly lovestruck Luna, he let out a few choice curse words. Shining didn’t rightly know if he was cursing at himself, Luna, or everything but he knew he needed to let those words loose.

The Captain let out a long sigh. This was going to be his night now, regretting what had just happened and trying to figure out how to mitigate the rumors that would surely spread throughout all of Canterlot by dawn.

Alcohol.

That was the only solution that came to mind, and the one he was inclined to go with. He hadn’t been much of a drinker in the past, but some bad days recently had pushed him towards the bottle. Luckily for him, he knew a place that was still operating at this time of night. So he let his hooves carry him towards his destination while he thought.

Along with regret there was a deep feeling of betrayal lodged squarely in his heart as well. Not self betrayal, but he felt like he had betrayed Cadance’s memory. Before tonight Cadance was the only mare he had kissed, and now that was broken.

Just one more thing that he had broken in Cadance’s life. He had broken her life, her parents’ hearts, Celestia’s trust, and even his relationship with Twilight. Every tie was severed now, down to even his family. At this point he was positive that his parents let him stay with them out of pity rather than obligation or love.

In shambles was the best way to describe his life. Mainly because that’s what it was. He had lost the respect of most of Canterlot long ago when he had allowed the enemy to infiltrate the city and kill their loved ones. Now his opinion wasn’t valued, his guards saw him as a disgrace, and most of all he just felt unwanted.

A small bit of his mind reminded him that he wasn’t completely unwanted, Luna had just kissed him. But Shining pushed that little voice away, Luna didn’t count. She had always been the least judgemental out of the Princesses...next to Cadance, of course.

He glanced up and found himself at the liquor store he had been wanting. Quickly he went inside and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, paid for it and left. He didn’t want to exchange any words with the stallion tending the till, it was too late for pleasantries. The stallion knew this as well, seeing as how he didn’t pry, just told him to ‘try and have a good night.’

That’s what the whiskey was for.

        Now it was time to go home, down a couple of shots and go to bed. Shining was still debating on whether or not he would go to work in the morning. Right now he was leaning towards no because he didn’t want to deal with the associated nonsense. For Celestia’s sake, it would be unbearable.

That’s when it hit him that Celestia would eventually hear what happened. What would she do? Would this be the last straw and she would strip him of his rank? Would she just banish him from Canterlot? At this point anything was possible. Celestia had been getting more intense with her punishments since Luna had come back. He wondered what punishment treason would carry.

No work tomorrow then, it was decided. It would mean facing Luna, the entirety of the Royal Guard, and Celestia herself and he knew it. Shining still had a few personal and sick days in his back pocket, so he could wait until all of it died down to go back.

It took him a few more minutes of walking and planning out his day to get back to his parents house. Lucky for him, he entered the abode just as it started to rain. That was the only remotely good thing that fate had delivered him today.

He wiped his hooves on the welcome mat just inside the door as a courtesy to his mother. The last thing he wanted to do was get yelled at tomorrow for making a mess. He tried to respect the house, as it was a nice of them to even allow him here.

He trotted into the kitchen and sat his bottle of liquor on the kitchen table. First he needed to go get his pills from his room. He kept a separate stash at work and home so he didn’t have to take a bottle everywhere he went. It had been a good hour since he took the pills at work and his side was still bothering him, so he decided more couldn’t hurt.

He scaled the stairs of his colthood home and went into his room, retrieving the nearly empty pill bottle from his bedside table. He opened the bottle and peered inside, revealing that there were only three pills in it. He gave it a quick thought and decided his usual dosage was two, and just one wouldn’t do anything for him. So he dug all three out of the bottle with his magic.

He went back downstairs to his good buddy Mr. Whiskey and sat down at the table, putting the pills next to the bottle. With his magic, he opened one of the cupboards and pulled down one of his father’s drinking glasses. He didn’t get any ice though, he liked his Whiskey straight.

With a little difficulty, he managed to fill the small glass about half way. It seemed the first pills were just starting to kick in. The lightheadedness was just starting to kick in, but the pain in his side was still going strong, so he decided to still down the other three.

Shining popped the pills in his mouth and downed them with a shot of whiskey. Hopefully that would finally stop the pain.

--

The Captain continued to nurse a few glasses of whiskey until his third glass was gone. When he reached out with his magic to grab the bottle to pour himself another, his head pounded and his vision swam. He couldn’t quite get a grip on it with magic, and it was just far enough away so his hooves couldn’t reach it. Instead, he decided to get up and walk the few steps it would take.

As he stood, he felt his legs fail to respond and instead found himself on the floor. As the stallion attempted to push himself up, the room spun just a little too much which caused him to vomit all over the kitchen floor. Once again, he attempted to push himself up, but the blackness at the edge of his vision started to creep in. He was passing out.

Hoofsteps, light and careful came closer.

“Honey, Shining passed out in the kitchen again!”

Disappointment and shame in the words.

“Get up.”

The voice was in his ear now.

“Shiny I need you to get up.”

Silence.

“Shiny…?”

A hoof on his neck and a brief glimpse of his mother in her robe.

“Night Light! Something’s wrong!”

Panic, worry.

“What’s wrong? Is he alright?”

His father, strong and confident as always.

“His pulse is weak...I opened his eyes and they’re yellow! We need to call an ambulance!”

Genuine panic, shaky voice and probably tears.

“You stay with him, I’ll get the guards.”

Wavering confidence and a dropped facade of strength.

“J-just keep him on his side, make sure he doesn’t choke.”

A few seconds, then a closing door.

“I need you to stay with me, Shiny...please…”

Tears on his fur now, fallen from his mother’s eyes.

“I-I can’t lose you...I can’t. I’m sorry, Shiny...I’m sorry we all blamed you, I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through…”

More tears, and then a kiss on his forehead.

Time passes, and then a door opens. Multiple hoofsteps come in.

“Ma’am, I need you to step back pl-Is that Captain Armor? Move in! We need to get him to the hospital now!”

A commotion, several ponies touching and moving him. A carriage door closes, then prodding with needles and pressure pumps.

“Blood pressure is low and pulse is thready.”

“Patient is jaundiced, possible overdose.”

Magic tickled his side.

“His liver is in critical condition. We need to get him to the hospital or he dies.”

“I can’t believe this is happening. Poor guy…”

More sympathy he didn’t need.

“Think he’ll be okay?”

“I sure as hell hope so.”