And Now A Word From Our Sponsors

by DragonShadow

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Ember, Random
Length: 1431

Money makes the world go round. And where there's money, there's advertising.

Money makes the world go round. And where there's money, there's advertising.

Published 2016-05-01 20:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-28 17:15:05 UTC

The Dragon Lands

The Dragon Lands

A deep voice spoke as the camera swept across grassy plains and volcanos. "For centuries, you've looked in from the outside... you've waited and wondered, what is it like in that place? Well wonder no more!" Suddenly Ember the Dragon Lord was standing with her claws raised in front of a giant mountain surrounded by dragons. "The Dragon Lands are open to tourism for the first time in over ten thousand years!"

"That's right ponies, now is your chance to get in and see for yourself all the wonder and majesty that we dragons have been keeping to ourselves! Go on a climbing adventure in mountains that you can really sink your claws into, chase wildebeests across the plains for dinner just like a dragon, and take a dip in our world-famous boiling lava baths!"

Suddenly Ember was walking in front of a large pool of lava, with dozens of dragons relaxing in it. "At one thousand degrees Celsius, these baths will viciously burn away any and all dirt or germs!" Ember gave a little jump and sank feet-first into the boiling pool, leaning against the edge facing the camera. "You may never get sick again after just five minutes of soothing heat and relaxation... aaahhhh..."

Ember marched across the stone plains once again, grinning a toothy grin. "And of course don't forget you can meet and greet with the friendly locals! That's right, you too can claim to be friends with real life dragons! Don't worry, we're not so mysterious once you get to know us." Ember winked right before coming to a stop right beside Garble, who was glaring at the camera through narrowed eyes. "Just ask Garble here!"

"I..." Garble's eye twitched. "love ponies..."

"But don't take my word for it!" Ember smiled at the camera as she approached a pony now, who was standing outside a cavernous entrance. "Just ask this pony who's been here for almost a week! What do you think of the Dragon Lands?"

"It's groovy." Tree Hugger gave a wide, smooth smile. "It's like all of your foalhood fantasies came true and gave you a massage. And a sandwich. Mmm... is there anybody here who will give me a massage with a sandwich?"

Ember's eyes sparkled. "If you look around long enough I'm sure it's some dragon's thing!"

Ember sat down on a throne made of gold and jewels of all kinds, resting with a grin. "And that's just a little bit of the majesty you can experience when you come to the dragon lands! Call your travel agent today and say you want to go where nopony has gone before... except that one pony from earlier. Don't worry..." Ember grinned a toothy grin. "We don't bite. I promise."

Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash grinned and flared her wings out to her sides, striking a sleek pose with her back arched downward. "Hello everypony! You don't need me to say this, but I'm Rainbow Dash. Do you want to meet me? Wait, what a dumb question, of course you do! Well have I got good news for you! Now you totally can! Come on down to Ponyville and for a measly ten bits I'll let you follow me around for an entire day!"

Rainbow Dash took off into the air, circling back to fly over Ponyville as the camera followed. "You never know what crazy things I may get up to! I could be fighting monsters from the Everfree Forest one moment, then napping on a soft, fluffy cloud the next." Rainbow landed on top of a cloud and curled up with a yawn. "You just... never know what's going to come next in the life of Rainbow Dash."

Fluttershy hovered up to the cloud with a hoof on her chin. "Um, Rainbow Dash, isn't it... isn't it creepy and weird to let ponies pay to watch you sleep?"

Rainbow Dash blinked in annoyance. "Anything sounds creepy and weird when you put it like that."

Rainbow Dash stood on top of the town hall, tapping her hoof on the tiled roof. "So don't wait another second, you know you want to see what I do all day! So jump in and be as awesome as me! Well... almost as awesome. Let's not be waiting for miracles, here!"

Carousel Boutique

Carousel Boutique

"Is this thing on?" Rarity tapped on the screen, then grinned and took a step back, flinging her flowing mane over one shoulder. "Why hello there! You look like a lover of the finer things in life, which is why I believe you would love to come on down to Carousel Boutique! Where every dress is chic, unique, and magnifique!" She waved her hoof grandly behind her, revealing a quaint little building in the middle of a quaint little town. "Now with three locations nationwide, Carousel Boutique is the place to be for dresses, hats... dresses... hats... and dresses with hats sewn on!"

Rarity walked inside, looking over her shoulder at the camera with a bright grin. "Just step inside these doors and you'll be transported to a shining, sparkling wonderland of fashion! We have something to suit every mare, and our friendly, knowledgeable staff is always on-hoof to help you make the most of your personal look! Why, just listen to these satisfied internationally recognized customers!"

Sapphire Shores stood in front of the camera inside the shop, waving her forelegs excitedly! "Oh Rarity? Easily the best fashion designer I've ever had the pleasure of working with! Her outfits are simply the best! And I think she's psychic too! She'll put things in your clothes you didn't even know you wanted until you saw them! I just don't know how she does it!"

Maud blinked slowly, staring straight at the camera. "I used to be ignored by boys. They told me my look is dry and plain. Ever since I started shopping at Carousel Boutique, the boys all tell me I'm a one hundred on the Mohs Hardness Scale. Thanks, Rarity."

"And that's not all!" Rarity's horn glowed, pulling a small doll into frame to hover beside her. "The next three hundred guests who make a purchase of fifty bits or more will receive a free Rarity doll as thanks! Chibi-Rarity will be your personal friend in fashion for the rest of your life! Each of these dolls is worth ten bits, but they're all free as my thanks to you for supporting the art of fashion!"

Spike's voice floated in from off-screen. "Heh, anything for you, Rarity..."

Twilight marched in from the other side with a frown. "You know there are child labor laws in Equestria, right Rarity?"

Rarity stared at her for a moment, then flitted her eyes back to the camera with a wry half-smile. "Ahehehe... I hope to see you soon!"

Sugarcube Corner

Sugarcube Corner

Pinkie Pie leapt up into the center of the screen with her hooves outstretched, small pieces of confetti raining down around her. "Good morning everypony! Do you like cake? Do you like candies, and chocolates, and goodies galore!? Do you like succulent... rich... creamy..." Pinkie trailed off for a moment, then wiped the drool from her lips with the back of her hoof. "Cake! Well you should come to the perfect place!"

Pinkie Pie bounced in front of a cake-like building with a broad grin. "Sugarcube Corner! Where all of your dreams will be put on hold! Because you'll be eating so much sweet, delicious sugar that you might never fall asleep again for the rest of your life! Just think, Luna can't ever see another nightmare again if you never sleep again!"

Princess Luna turned toward her as she passed by the background. "Heeyyy... I'm just doing my job..."

Pinkie bounced suddenly into the store itself, springing towards a glass case of delicious-looking cakes. "You'll be walking into a whole world of the most undeniably delectable, palatable, professional, and pleasurable pastries in all of Equestria! And for a limited time only, every purchase gets you a free thesaurus from the library of Princess Twilight herself! It's good for parties, party invitations, and commercials!"

Pinkie Pie walked outside with a cocky grin. "And remember when you walk in to ask for the very special Pinkie Pie Surprise!" She leaned close to the camera, speaking in a low conspiratorial voice. "The surprise is more sugar!" She pulled back with another grin. "And remember, every cake comes with a Pinkie Promise of deliciousness! I'll see you soon!"