Incompetent Guards Aplenty
Crystal Clear breathed a sigh of relief. A small intricate necklace lay in her hooves. It was a smooth piece of rectangular obsidian, placed a silver frame, hung by a thin chain of the same material.
"Perfect," she purred, opening a red velvet box, and laying it inside.
A little bell rung and her ears perked up. First customer today! She placed the open box into a larger glass display box, where several other necklaces, rings, and bracelets were displayed.
"Good Morning! Welcome to Crystal Cuts, wh-" Crystal stopped mid sentence, starring at her customer.
He was a tall grey unicorn with a pitch black mane and tail, who looked like he had survived a famine, because he was so skinny. His eyes were black slits surrounded by a furious red iris, and his face looked as if it were sculpted by death himself. He suddenly collapsed with a loud thunk.
'What the hell is Sombra doing in my shop?!'
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'Geeez, why the hell is he so heavy?! He looks like he should be as light as a twig from how skinny he is!' Crystal huffed, letting the limp stallion slide off her back and onto her bed.
'Alright, now to find the guard. They'll know what to do!'
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Crystal growled. "What do you mean, scared of a shadow?! I'm telling you Sombra collapsed in the middle of my shop, and you think I saw a shadow?!"
The guard nodded. "It's perfectly normal, many crystal ponies have illusions of Sombra after what he did."
Crystal twitched. "I didn't see a shadow! I literally had to pick him up and put him in the back room so my customers wouldn't get scared too! Sweet Cadence you guards are incompetent!" Crystal screeched.
The guard nodded not paying much attention and dunked a doughnut into his coffee. "Sorry, I should have asked, would you like one?"
Crystal groaned, and smacked her forehead.
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Sombra woke up in a cold sweat.
"Mom, I had the worse dream... I was this horrible tyrant named Sombra, and I made everypony slaves, and then I got beaten twice by these alicorns and a baby dra..." He trailed off when he looked at his appearance in a side mirror.
"Buck."
Crystal stood in the open doorway eyes wide with fear.
"Double buck." Crystal replied.
Sombra coughed, staring at Crystal. Crystal dawned the look that of a deer in the headlights.
"So... Do you start screaming, and I start trying to enslave you or something?" Sombra muttered, sitting up straight on the bed.
"Sorta I think." Crystal said, backing up slowly so she could easily hit her panic button on the wall.
Sombra shrugged, and got off the bed. "Do you have any food? I promise not to enslave you or anything, but I need food really bad."
Crystal was hesitant at first, but gave into his pleading look.
"Ok, I guess. I can make lunch," Crystal piped up, trotting out of the room.
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"So... How did you end up coming by my shop?" Crystal asked pouring some tea for herself and Sombra.
"I saw crystals, and I when 'Ooo, shiny' and went in." Sombra replied with a sly smile.
Crystal raised an eye brow, adding sugar into her tea. "Sure you did. Seriously, how did you?"
"I actually was really hungry, but I couldn't make it to the bakery up town, so I figured I'd raid some pony's cabinets for food instead. Also, I was really tired and the rug in here looked really cozy compared to the ground outside," Sombra said, sipping from his tea.
Crystal nodded her head, sipping from her own.
"So, I have a question for you. Why didn't you go get the guards, or try to kill me?" He asked in turn.
Crystal frowned. "I would have turned you in, but they didn't believe me! The nerve! I must have seen a shadow they said, couldn't have been the real pony they said!"
"Awww I though it was because you fell for my amazing features! Phoey!" Sombra joked, giving a pout.
Crystal traced her cup's rim with her hoof. "I have one more question, before you take over or anything. Why did you take over in the first place?"
"Well," Sombra started,"When I first moved to the empire, a thousand years ago, I met this pony named Lovebird. Actually she looked like you but she was shades of red, not blue. Either way, I was very young and very stupid, and I fell in love. She was actually in line to to take the throne for the kingdom, and when her brother became ill she asked me to help him... Little did I know the medicine she gave me was not medicine, but a poison.
"When he suddenly died, she blamed me, saying I had purposefully killed him. Of course, being next in line she had more to gain, but the guards simply couldn't believe she had killed him... So years later when I finally got out of jail, I practiced my magic more than I ever had, and I discovered dark magic's call. I over took the throne and imprisoned her in crystal. But of course the magic I used turned against me, and I was forced to do some truly terrible things."
Crystal gawked.
"What?" Sombra asked.
Crystal burst into tears, stuttering as she spoke,"T-that was the s-saddest story I've ever h-heard!"
"Geez, you should hear discord's back story, poor guy, her rejection got him bad..." Sombra quipped, pouring more tea for himself.
"Ok. So now I have one more question for you. If I were to take over again, would you want to be my adviser?"
Crystal spat out her tea. "What?! That would be so so so so cool!" Crystal blushed,"I mean, as long as you don't hurt anypony."
Sombra grinned,"Awww but I wanted revenge on Cadence! She stopped me from stealing the heart! Which may or may not have a miniature red pony trapped inside it!"
Crystal laughed,"In all honestly though, why do you want to take over again?"
"The guards let me through because I said ponies mistake me for Sombra all the time. Those guards have little fleas for brains I tell you! I'm going to whip them back into shape!"
Suddenly the door bell rung, and Crystal sighed, removing herself from the table. Then she remembered a certain red box in a glass display.
"Be right back."
The pony who had walked in was waiting at the counter, and eyeing a certain necklace on display.
"Can I look at that one?" The pony said, as Crystal entered the room.
Crystal frowned. "Sorry that one has been sold! I'll be right back, so feel free to look at the other ones!"
She quickly took the box and went to the kitchen.
"Here," She said, giving him the necklace, "This is to remember me by, so when you do usurp the throne you'll remember your promise!"
"Of course, goodbye you funny pony." Sombra laughed, taking the necklace and leaving through the back door of her kitchen, not to be seen again.
Well. Sorta.
You see, the Crystal Heart shattered and a little red pony was set loose who had to be dealt with...
Author's Note
This was supposed to be a serious story. Seriously.
