I hate hospitals.
They’re that nasty little reminder of just how fragile life is. Especially for a pegasus. When you’re flying hundreds of meters up in the air, all it takes is one little mistake and it’s all over.
That was a basic fact of life, but it was one I was quite happy to ignore most of the time. The theoretical possibility of death always existed – but it was only a theoretical possibility, not a reality. Until now.
It all started a couple hours ago, when I ran into Rainbow Dash. She’d been busy for the last couple weeks, leaving me and Blossom in charge of handling all the weather stuff. After another long shift, I decided to stop by Derpy’s place on a whim. We’d had fun the last time we got together to eat each others’ muffins. I wasn’t looking for anything steady, but the idea of maybe making the muffin-eating into a semi-regular thing sounded fun. Nothing serious, just two ponies enjoying each other’s company. Or hay, who knows where things might go, really?
I knocked on the door and put on my best seductively cocky grin as I waited for Derpy to answer. Let’s hope one of her kids didn’t beat her to the door.
Long story short, they didn’t. Instead, it was one of the last ponies I’d ever want to expose to even a bit of my irresistible charm. “Uh, boss? What’s – um – hi boss.” Celestia, when did it get so warm out? Accidentally macking on your boss will do that.
Fortunately, either the boss was so romantically dense that it went right over her head or she did us both a favor and just ignored my screw-up. “Cloud Kicker. What’s up?” Geez, the boss sounded really out of it.
“I was looking for Derpy.” I frowned and tried to look over the boss’ shoulder into the house in the hopes of getting an eyeful of certain tasty little muffin. “Say, what’s got you over here anyway? Blossom and I have the weather handled, so we don’t need her for weather duty. You just hanging out?”
“I wish.”
Well. That wasn’t cryptic at all. Something about how she said left me with a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, like everything was about to go terribly wrong. “What’s going on, boss?”
The boss sighed, and for the first time I noticed just how out of it she looked. Her mane was everywhere (well, moreso than normal), and her eyes looked way too old to be on somepony who was my age. She looked tired. Used up. Burned out. “I – I’m keeping an eye on Derpy’s kids while she’s in the hospital.”
The hospital? Alright, that definitely didn’t sound good, especially not when the boss looked like death warmed over. I tried to swallow the lump that suddenly formed in my throat. “How bad is it?”
“Bad.” The way she said that word made it feel like a kick to gut.
Merciful Celestia, how long had Derpy been sick? I wanted to smack myself for not noticing that something was wrong with her sooner. For all her faults, Derpy was the most devoted mother I had ever seen; the few times we’d been assigned to the same weather team, her kids were always at the top of her list of things to talk about. I’d passed Sparkler as she walked Dinky to Ponyville Elementary a few times over the last month, but I never thought twice about the fact that Derpy wasn’t walking her kids to school anymore.
Before I could ask for details, Dinky came running up to the two of us, a picture of youthful innocence. “Hi Miss Cloud Kicker!” The filly was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. “Mommy made a necklace for me! Isn’t it pretty?”
I opened my mouth to gently brush her off when I saw what she was holding out to me.
It was a pinfeather. Derpy’s pinfeather.
I don’t remember if I closed my mouth or not; I just looked at the boss, feverishly hoping that she would tell me something different. Instead, she just nodded.
“That’s – very pretty, Dinky.” I fought to keep my voice level and my legs steady. “When did you get it?”
“Just today!” the young filly said, smiling obviously. “Miss Rarity helped Mommy make one for me – and one for Sparkler too!”
“It’s very pretty,” I said again. She didn’t know ... Celestia, how could she know? Even if she were a pegasus, she shouldn’t be old enough to know what it meant. Dinky was barely a schoolfilly, and blissfully ignorant of the meaning wrapped up in that heirloom. For her, it was nothing more than a pretty little bauble.
“Hey, Miss Cloud Kicker!” Dinky grinned up at me with innocent enthusiasm. “Wanna play some Battle Clouds with me? I’m tired of playing Rainbow Dash; she always loses!” She leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, “I think it’s ‘cause she never moves her cumulo- cumu- her big thunder cloud.”
As ridiculous as that sounds, hearing that made just how bad things were hit a little bit harder. The boss takes Battle Clouds seriously. Well, she takes just about anything competitive seriously, but when it comes to Battle Clouds, she will utterly destroy anypony that plays her. Hay, from what I heard back when she was just another cloud pusher, she would stake jobs on a game of Battle Clouds. It got to the point where the old weather manager had to ban gambling on Battle Clouds games because Rainbow was getting free rides.
If she was willing to drag her pride through the dirt just to put a little smile on that kid’s face ... I think that made the whole thing seem a little more ... real than it had before.
At Dinky’s insistence, I sat down for a game of Battle Clouds against her. I let her win the first round after a token-effort, but immediately insisted on making it best two-out-of-three. For the second round I didn’t hold back. The kid gave me a tougher match than I’d expected, but at the end I pulled off win. From the look on the boss’ face, you’d think I’d gone up to Fluttershy and kicked her. It was all part of the plan though. For the third round I gave Dinky a tough match, but made sure she always had just a tiny edge over me. She still won, but I made her believe she’d earned that victory. The hardest part of throwing a fight is managing to lose while making it look like you were doing your darndest to win.
It was worth the effort though, just to see the smile on Dinky’s face when she finally beat me.
It was well after visiting hours when I got to the hospital. This wasn’t exactly the kind of visit I could make while the hospital was full of other ponies.
Besides, showing up during visiting hours would mean showing up while her kids were around.
Redheart was at the front desk when I walked through the door. “Cloud Kicker. Please tell me you’re not here because you found an odd rash on your–”
“What? No! I’m clean!” Seriously, what the hay would give her that idea? Before I could start building up any righteous indignation, I remembered just why I had come here. “I’m here to see Derpy.”
“Oh.” Redheart sank down to the floor, like a balloon that suddenly had all the helium let out of it. “Visiting hours are –” She cut herself off with a shake of her head. “No, never mind that. Of course you can see her.”
Oh Luna. When a hospital starts ignoring the visiting hours rules it usually means that the patient is...
Redheart walked me to Derpy’s room. Neither one of us said anything on the way there. What was there to say?
Once we were standing outside the door to Derpy’s room, I finally spoke up. “Um – Redheart? Could you give Derpy and me some privacy?”
“Of course. I’ll be right out here if you need anything.”
I nervously licked my lips. “We’re – we’re gonna need a bit more privacy than that, Redheart.”
“What do you –” She finally put it together. “No. Absolutely not. Are you insane?”
“It’s not–” I stopped, took a deep breath, and tried to figure out how to explain it. “It’s not about me. It’s about her. I just wanna – I just wanna give her one last bit of happiness before – before she...” I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
For a long moment, Redheart just looked at me. Then, very slowly, she nodded. “Her wings are going to be very sensitive. Her whole body will, really. If you’re not careful you’ll ... be gentle.”
I sighed. “Yeah. I will.”
Redheart cleared the floor for us, so we’d have all the privacy we needed. It was just Derpy and me. I walked up to the door, and hesitantly pushed it open.
I barely managed to stop myself from gasping in shock when I saw her. Derpy’s mane was gone. Just ... gone. I couldn’t tell from the blanket draped across her, but I was pretty sure her tail was gone too. Her wings only had about half their feathers left in them; even if she had the strength for it, there was no way she could fly on them. To a pegasus, not being able to fly is like being...
She looked weak. So weak.
“Hey there, Derpy.” I tried to sound keep my tone casual, but it was impossible to hide how much it hurt seeing her like that.
“Cloud Kicker?” I’m not sure if I woke her up or not. I hoped I didn’t.
“Yeah.” I struggled to think of what I was supposed to say in a situation like this. It’s ... nothing I’d ever been through before had prepared me to deal with this kind of thing. Death. Hay, she was so young. We were all still so young. How could such a thing be happening? And to her of all ponies? I always figured I’d be the first one to go, with how crazy I lived my life. Instead it was the loving mother with two kids, one of whom she’d adopted only a few years ago. How the flying feather is that fair?
“This ... it’s really happening?” Celestia, I sounded like an idiot.
“Yeah. It is.” The way she said it sounded so ... final. But then, I guess it was.
“Derpy, I...” What did I want? I guess I wanted to say goodbye. The only way I could.
I made sure the door was shut, and locked it behind me. Then I pulled the curtains, and stepped up to the bed. “Derpy ... you are so beautiful.” Celestia, was that really the best I could come up with? So much for me and my irresistible charm.
She gave a weak, bitter little laugh at that.
“Derpy, there’s more to beauty than looks. Of all the ponies I’ve ever known, you’ve always been the most ... the most ...” I couldn’t talk; I was choking up, and it was taking everything I had not to cry. I fell back on my old habits; right now, it was all I could manage. “I’m here to give you one last bang, okay?” I forced myself to give her a cocky grin. “I brought a muffin you’ll like.”
“Muffins,” she murmured with a dry laugh.
As I slipped the covers off of her, I saw I was right about her tail. It was mostly gone too, just a few strands of hair on a fleshy stub.
I had been worried about noise. It was silly of me, in hindsight. Even at the height of things, she could barely breathe out more than a strained, heaving gasp. I gave her room to spread out her wings, but they barely fluttered from her back. It hurt seeing her like that, and it was worse feeling it. Celestia, she barely moved at all.
“Cloud Kicker,” she gasped out weakly as she tried to wrap a hoof around me. “I’m sorry ... I can’t...”
I very gently pushed her hoof back down. “Derpy. You don’t have to ... just relax. I’ll handle everything.” Despite what I told her she tried to do her part, bless her. Even now, she really was a complete sweetheart. I was suddenly fighting tears again. I couldn’t cry. Not yet.
I laid with her afterwards, just the two of us on a too-small hospital bed. She wrapped a forehoof around me, and I felt her breathing far shallower than I’d ever felt in another pony (even after working my magic). I stroked her head, feeling the bumps of hair where her mane once flowed. She looked at me, and I saw that her left eye had yet to come back down all the way.
“Cloud Kicker?” She tightened her grip around me just the tiniest bit. “How long will you stay?”
I pulled her in a little closer. “As long as you want me to.”
“But ... you don’t stay.” It was true. Whenever we’d arranged our little get-togethers in the past, I’d always slipped out during the night to save her from having to explain to her kids why I was there in the morning.
I leaned forward and gently kissed her. “I do now.”
Derpy nuzzled in closer. “Cloud Kicker? Do you – Was there ever a chance that we could’ve been ... more?”
I gave a sad, empty laugh at that. “It’s a nice idea, but really? Can you see me taking care of kids? Besides, ya can’t keep this mare out of the game. I’d cheat on you.”
Derpy smiled at me. “No you wouldn’t.”
I sighed. “No I wouldn’t.” I guess I just didn’t want her thinking about what could’ve been. It seemed cruel, to leave her with those kinds of thoughts. Regrets. This wasn’t the time for them. That’s not why I came here.
I held her for a long moment, as I felt my self-control finally crumbling. “It’s not fair!” I whimpered as the tears started.
Derpy began softly stroking my mane, like a mother comforting a filly. Why was I the one getting comforted? She was the one who was – was...
I held her until I sobbed myself dry. Once I finally managed to regain my composure, I apologized. “I’m sorry. I came here to comfort you, and instead I –”
“It’s okay sweetie.” Derpy held me close. “It’s okay.”
For a long time we stayed like that. We didn’t talk. We didn’t do anything. We just held each other.
“Cloud Kicker?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, Derpy. Thank you. For everything” I leaned forward and kissed her, and I felt her strain to return it.
She slipped away right then. No mess, no fuss, not even a final breath. Just a sudden lack of pressure against my lips. Her golden eyes were dulled to the world, the left one still rolling up into her head. I debated closing them, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead I held onto her, feeling the heat – the life – slowly leaving her body. I held on tighter, trying to keep her warm. As long as she was still warm, I could fool myself into believing that she was just sleeping.
Despite my best efforts, her body slowly grew colder. I felt like I should be crying, but by this point I was beyond tears. I kissed her cold lips one last time and got out of the bed. I reached up and slowly began switching off the monitors that were over her bed. Screen by screen, the room grew darker
As I walked out of the room, I took one last look back at the amazing pegasus mare. That goofy wall-eyed grin, her dangerous obsession with muffins, her spectacular failures as a weathermare, her enthusiastic stories about her girls. I was gonna miss them.
I was gonna miss her.
“Goodbye, Derpy."
