Yesterday, I was just your average guy. I had just turned 23, and during a college project on Japan, I accidentally discovered anime. To be honest, I hated it at first, until I discovered one called Noragami. After a night or two of eagerly binge watching the awesome battles, I eagerly went on to watch One Punch Man and Guilty Crown, before reaching one I considered the holy grail of Japanese animation: Sword Art Online. I watched it almost religiously, entranced with the concept of a completely different reality, and ate up both seasons within a week.
I was not prepared for what came during season two. It switched from a show where I couldn’t fully relate to the characters to one where I could somewhat sympathize, despite them being fictional. Then, of course, came episode 19 of the second season, where then introduced Yuuki Konno. At first sight, she looked like any other character in the show, nothing too different; but as I watched, a realization came faster than a speeding car. Yuuki reminded me of myself, in terms of personality. We were both rather uncaring of what anyone else thought of us, and I thought that was the extent of my realization. When I kept watching, I could make more and more comparisons: my old habit of pretending to be someone I’m not, her idea of fighting conveying more than words… All of it reminded me of myself on some semi-conscious level. When I watched episode 24, the final episode, I was immediately crushed.
Once I watched it, I was moved straight to tears. I promptly went to the nearest bar and drank as much beer as I could handle without passing out or thinking that wearing a barstool was a fun idea. This was, of course, only a few bottles, due to my habit of avoiding alcohol. I spent a few more hours there, calming myself mentally, before I started to go home. Before you say anything, I hadn’t taken a car or a cab. I walked, since I lived a block away from the bar. The only street to cross on the way was a quiet one, where the day you see a car crossing is a rare one. The light was just turning green… I think. It’s hard to remember what color it was, with how much beer I’d had. Anyways, I was just beginning to cross, when some obnoxiously loud sports car came roaring by at 90-ish miles per hour and rammed right into me.
Waking up was, as always, a chore. This was due to my status as being the exact opposite of a ‘morning person’. Today, something felt wrong, somehow. Then I realized what it was. I was hundreds of feet in the air, plummeting downwards head-first! Trying to turn upright, I then realized there was not enough distance between the ground and myself, landing headfirst in something soft with a loud crunching noise. The next thing I knew, someone was screaming something about cabbages, and I could see, albeit blurrily. The first thing to come to my attention was a vaguely human-shaped thing in front of me, glaring down at me... I say ‘vaguely’ because of the goddamn tail-shaped thing hanging down between its legs… that, and the really fucking awkward shape of the feet. The second thing to pop into my perception was the pile of destroyed cabbage I was currently lying on. The third thing that came to attention was possibly the most important; a lock of dark purple hair drifted into my view.
Seeing this, I did what any normal, sensible person would do… Flip out, hardcore. I shouted out, about to punch the guy in the face, when something made me pause. I shouted again, more quietly, and my eyes widened at the sound; it was definitely feminine. Again, I did what any normal man confronted with this level of bullshit would do… Black out on the spot. Honestly, just try to tell me that you wouldn’t pass out in a situation like that.
Waking up after falling unconscious is only slightly better than waking up in the morning, if only because the after-effects of being drunk are entertaining. One time, for instance, I had the rather… interesting drunken daydream of the room slowly filling with cats. This time, it was just as strange. I woke up in a bed, I think in some sort of inn. I dunno, I never bothered checking. Anyways, I got up as quickly as I could with my hangover in the way. The instant I did, some vaguely human thing came up to me. Its skin was tinted a slight yellow, and its hair was a rather aggravating shade of orange to go with it, sharing that same irritation of a color with its eyes. The most striking parts of its anatomy, however, were the yellowish tail drifting lazily off of its ass, like it was more at home being a horse or something than a human, the hooved feet, again things that would look more comfortable on a horse, and the rather obvious armor it wore.
Man, I thought to myself, My usual drunken shenanigans seem to have escalated… With the knowledge that this had to be some drunken dream sitting in some corner of my mind, I turned to the thing, gave it a flat look, and said, “Sure, why not?”
The thing immediately recoiled back a bit.
“Excuse me, miss?” the putrid pastel person… questioned. Darn, couldn’t keep up the alliteration. Ah well. With this statement, it immediately became more real than the rest of my hammered visions, which had never been coherent enough to actually speak.
“Well now, you’re more vocal than usual,” I observed, starting to warm up to this particular escapade of my alcohol-plagued mind. If it was going to give me a pleasant conversation that was relatively free of narwhals, why not?
“Umm, miss, I’m afraid that you may have hit your head a bit hard. You just suddenly appeared a few feet above my cabbage stand, and now… Well, luckily I had insurance,” the totally fake figment… noted. Darn it, still can’t keep it up!
“What do you mean? I know I’m just drunk again, so this should all pass within an hour or so,” I happily replied, getting more used to the new voice forced upon me. Ahem, getting side-tracked a bit here… With my last statement, the humanoid thing recoiled like someone had just slugged him in the face.
“How could you possibly be drunk? Even I can tell that you’re far too young to buy or drink alcohol! Why, if I had to guess, I’d say you’re… Sixteen, give or take a few years?” he rapidly exclaimed.
… Okay then, this is going a bit too far. Not once has a delusion involving me guessed an age, and they especially haven’t told me anything involving legal alcoholic consumption age. Things are a bit dodgy now. I thought it would be best to play along for now, so I just shrugged.
“Iunno. All I know is I am now. Deal with it,” I droned out in my best carefree, innocent tone, trying to mimic Yuuki for the hell of it. I mean, why not, y’know? If the fake pastel thing thinks I’m a teen girl, I’ll be one to screw with it. Sorry, off-topic yet again… Really should fix this habit. Anyways, at that declaration of utter bullshit, it started sputtering out a few responses, then eventually just gave up and stormed out of the room with an aggravated sigh. Seeing that my attempt to get it out of the room worked much faster than I thought, I got up fully, grew an innocent, yet mischievous grin, and walked to the window to get a glance at my actual location. Couldn’t exactly keep calling it ‘crappy desert-ish town’, now could I? At first glance, there were just few buildings here and there, marked with semi-random things like a horseshoe, an apple, and a sword. Then I internally face-palmed as I looked right outside the house, where a rather obvious sign sat, just beyond the door. The obvious sign stated that the town was ‘Appleloosa’... Even I couldn’t think of a name THAT bad. I went straight to the door after seeing that, only pausing long enough to grab a familiar-looking sword on a table. Horse-person-made or not, it looked just like Yuuki’s, so there was no way I would give it up. With equipment to fight off evil horse-people, I strode outside into the… moonlight? Huh… even the moon here is obsessed with horses. Has an image of one fucking plastered on it and everything! … A bit different from the hooved guy, though. Why the horn? Gah, going off on another tangent... How long was I even unconscious? I sighed, turned around, and got back in the bed, resolving to leave first thing in the morning.
A few faint voices drifted in from outside, but I heard only snippets of conversation. Sounded like they were talking about some 'sun party' or something. I'd be more specific, but I'm not quite sure what I heard. One particular bit held what I believe was the… I’ll just call it a pony, kinda-short-ish for ‘whatever is between human and pastel horse’. Anyways, I heard some discussion, and concluded that its name must be ‘Hay Bale’... Definitely not human. Well, whatever lies ahead of me in this drunken world, at least I can fuck about with its inhabitants. I threw open the window and did something that was prooobably stupid in hindsight…
“Oi! Hay Bale, or whatever your name is, I’m crashing here until morning, okay? Okay then, goodnight!” I shouted out, not even caring about the other four or so ‘ponies’- a few with wings, even- out there with… I think Hay Bale’s a ‘he’... with him. Soon after closing the window, I heard uproarious laughter from the others out there, along with a poorly-concealed fit of yelling and sputtering from poor Hay Bale… Maybe just one more night here wouldn’t hurt. I mean, where else would I drive people crazy? Not like there’s some… town on a mountainside full of these ‘ponies’, named after some awful horse pun... Right?
