"hey, i'm going to get a pizza, want anything?"
the black and red oversized unicorn sitting on my couch flipping through the channels on my TV shook his head. "nay, franklin. I am quite full."
I rolled my eyes. "i told you to call me frank..."
you're probably wondering exactly what's going on. well, let me explain.
it all started about half a year ago. i was always obsessed with superpowers. being above the rest of the sheep. being a wolf, if you will. so, when rumors started to circulate about a mysterious organization that could give you super powers, I was naturally ecstatic. I easily found the website, a little thing that let you roll powers from the super power wiki so you could use them in a fanfic or something. but that wasn't what I wanted.
I wanted the real thing. There were hints and rumors flying around that were supposed to lead you to the real deal, but nothing concrete. it took a month of constant work, both on the internet and in the real world, to find them.
it wasn't what I was expecting at all. I can't give any specific details, but you probably think that it's run by a human being, right? well, you're wrong. the best description I can give of the person (read: thing) that administered it to me was a mix between Cthulhu and a Borg. fucked up, right?
anyway, they made me fill out some forms, don't know why aliens have a need of insurance information, and they gave me a rudimentary test, with questions like what I would do with my super powers, and how I would deal with the pressures of being a higher power, things like that.
after that, I was led into a room with a operating table, and you probably know everything after that. I picked the Tier 2 set, it cost around 1000 dollars, but it was worth it. literally the first thing I rolled was Reality Modding. kind of OP. the next one I didn't really like, it was Ground Pound, something I could just make anyway. the third was Power Contingency. nice. I rerolled the ground pound, and got Power mixture. it was fantastic.
I was honestly surprised that they let me walk away with the ability to warp reality however I see fit, but I guess they figured that I would be okay with the contingency. they injected me with something, I fell asleep, and the next thing I knew it was 7:35 in the morning and I was in my apartment.
just wait, you'll see the pony soon, I promise. after that, life was pretty awesome. the first mod I made was an infinitely replicating dollar. every time I used money, twice that amount would appear in my bank amount. after that, I installed a contingency in my head so I could only use my other powers 20 times a day, or I'd die via brain death. Immediately after that, I created a tactical insertion, and left it in my bed room.
I'm pleased that I haven't had to use it yet.
after that, life was pretty normal. if you call never having to work again, moving to Tokyo, buying a high end apartment, and creating more absurd weapons, toolbars and devices than any one person would need normal.
okay, here comes the pony.
brace yo'self.
about two months ago, in January, I was eating a ramen, reading a tasteful novel on jewish prosecution in the early 20th century, when I heard a beeping in my ear. this wasn't your average beeping, no sir. it was my oven, signifying that my lasagna was ready. yeah, I eat ramen while I wait for my lasagna to cook, what of it?
I don't need your judgment.
anyway, I walked over all casual like, opened the microwave oven, an explosion happened, and a pony blew out of the oven, careened across the room, and smashed into the couch. oh don't worry. it was only a little explosion. what was more interesting was the little pony. as far as I know, I did not cause this to happen. I will admit, sometimes I lose track of all the things I cause and spontaneously bring into existence, but this was definitely not one of them.
anyway the pony speaks olde english. with the thee's and thou's and such. it's still rather funny. anyway, I managed to get him to calm down enough to explain exactly what the hell was going on. he said his name was sombra, and he was the (old) ruler of the crystal empire. it had been sealed away for a thousand years thanks to a spell cast by the alicorns, a pair of super-powerful ponies who were the rulers of another country.
a thousand years later, after the seal broke, he went to reclaim his throne, before the alicorns did. unfortunately, the alicorns niece, another new alicorn and her entourage of six mares, a stallion (probably her husband), and a baby dragon, activated a powerful magical item called the crystal heart, which almost completely obliterated his body, minus his horn. he said he had absolutely no idea how he got here, or why he came out my oven.
now, it's guaranteed that at least some of that is total BS, but he sounded truthful enough, so I let him stay here.
plus he was awesome, all red and black and stuff.
let me describe ponies to the best of my abilities. I have only had minimal contact with them, as only one is in this dimension, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what they're mindset is. they're a bunch of little racists that shun innovation and call it harmony. so basically humans with hooves.
apparently sombra visited the Princesses Castle before, and he was avoided with a vengeance by the ponies who lived there. it seemed that the only ponies who actually seemed to enjoy talking with him were the princesses. I asked why they would do that if they then attempted to take over his country just a year later.
he said it was because the older one probably wanted to fuck him. he said she looked at him with hungry eyes almost the whole week. I said he was probably over-thinking it, he grumbled and went back to watching TV. poor thing's an addict.
I should probably mention this. shortly after Sombra appeared, I felt a disturbance in the force. no, seriously, I created a device that could detect the force and disturbances in it. I call it, "the force thingamajig". I'm not good with names. anyway, the force thingamajig alerted me to a surge of energy that followed him, then pulled back to from wherever it came. now, that could just be the burst of energy that initially pushed Sombra here in the first place. or, it could have been an tracking beam. you know, like an echo-location wave, just across dimensions. something to track him.
It may be nothing, but just incase I upped the security around my house.
today was a Tuesday. in... March, I believe. I had just created a device that could gaze upon other dimensions. not unlike that thing that rick invented. now to install it.
I worked quickly while sombra was in the bathroom. he rarely left the couch, and I had to get this done quickly before-
"whoa, whoa, whoa. pray tell, what art thou doing to the magic viewing mirror?" I sighed.
"sombra..."
"NAY! thou shalt not interfere with Seinfeld!" with a roar he jumped on me, and started wailing on me. it's a good thing that he was a tiny pony, or he could have actually hurt me. I pulled him off and, holding him by his scruff, I said,
"sombra, I need to do this. it's important." he pouted, and his horn lit up. a second later, the DVD player hit me in the back of my head. "AUGH!"
"ha! serves thou right! I rain supreme!"
"..like a fucking five year old..." I got up and shook my head. "sombra, I told you, if we want to return you to your world, we need to-"
"figure it out without messing with my TV!"
I was starting to get slightly mad. "I have! A thousand different ways! but you never leave the TV! how can I show you anything if the only time you leave the television is to take a shit?!"
"I don't care!" his horn lit up again, and even more things started flying at me.
meanwhile, in mr. Yamaguchi's apartment.
life is peaceful for the most part for mr. Takeshi Yamaguchi. he had run successful company that dealt in construction for 30 years. at it's peak, the company made around 700 million yen annually, so made a comfortable living. he finally retired in late 2009, and moved to tokyo, where he bought a high-end apartment in Azabu.
yes, life was wonderful. his children and grandchildren visited him occasionally, his wife, though in the hospital getting treated for cancer, was doing splendidly. the doctors said that it was a miracle, considering how long she had gone without treatment.
"hey large ass! get some food! I'm starving!"
"life is not all about eating, Daidarabotchi."
"maybe not to you."
however, his peaceful life was disturbed by only two things. the first was the yokai living within him, named Daidarabotchi. he had never seen it, but he presumed that it was the Daidarabotchi. it was rather annoying, having a spirit that could make continents living within him, but at least he never bothered to possess him. usually.
then... the second bother...
"Sombra! stop throwing things!"
"NO! I shall not give thee the chance!"
"we need- AUGH! -to do this! it's important!"
"NAY, I SAY, NEIGH!"
"rough-housing baka's. they deserve to be eaten!"
when did you become such a glutton, Daidarabotchi?"
"somewhere around the seventies."
"ah."
his neighbors, his ONLY neighbors, were strange. they moved here from america, and proceeded to pester poor, poor mr Yamaguchi with their constant, never-ending fighting. honestly, he didn't know why they stayed together. great sex, maybe?
"see... *pant" this is important. we.. *pant* need to *pant* need to do this."
"I see your point, *pant* frank, but, still. I would *heave* greatly appreciate it if you didn't do that."
"GUHH."
