Discord's Little Game

by shadowwolf101

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Fancypants, Comedy, Random, Discord, Slice of Life
Length: 2068

Fancy Pants can do a lot of things, but singing isn't one of them. Now all of Canterlot knows.

This is a fan made story for Calm Wind's wonderverse in the story Piercing the Heavens. Reading it is not required, but familiarity with the universe will make you less confused.

Fancy Pants can do many things, but when he challenges Discord to a game of wit, he loses. He made a big bargain with Discord, to leave him and Soarin alone during their lessons and nowm it's coming back to bite him. Hard. There was always a reason he left the singing to the professionals but now, all of Canterlot knows why. Needless to say, he'll need a drink after today's events.

This story contains bits of copy righted lyrics from various songs, I do NOT own any of them and credit to the artists for their respective songs will be given in the author's note at the bottom.

Published 2016-04-27 23:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-27 23:20:01 UTC

Paying the Price

Fancy smirked at discord and floated a marble from behind him. “Looking for th-” his eyes widened that the marble in his grasp was blue. Discord grinned deviously and held up the red marble. The challenge was to find the red marble under a few cups with a few other marbles to throw off the opponent, which Discord, being a master, won the challenge. Though he’d never admit it was a bit difficult.

“Looks like I’ve won our little game, Fancy. You couldn’t find the red marble, tah-tah! See you at lunch tomorrow for our little deal~!” The draconequus snapped his talons and disappeared.

The white unicorn’s eyes widened as his irises shrunk to pinpricks and he gulped. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, turning to Soarin. “Terribly sorry my boy, but I’m afraid we’re out of time now…”

Soarin looked at him and nodded, standing up. “Rest in peace, Fancy Pants.” he sighed and placed a hoof on the business-stallion’s shoulder, shaking his head before turning and walking back through the tunnel to the Wonderbolt’s compound while Fancy Pants returned home.

Upon walking in, he excused himself from dinner and walked into the library, grabbing a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet and sitting on the chair in front of the fire. He sighed and popped the cork on the bottle, tipping the contents into his mouth and groaning as the bite of alcohol burned his throat. He sighed deeply and sank back in his chair, swirling the clear liquid in the large, glass bottle. “Damn…”

It was lunch time and Fancy Pants was in his office, paperwork piled around him as he held an intense gaze at the clock on the wall, gulping as the hands slowly ticked by. He lit up his horn and levitated his sandwich up to his face as he gulped and took a reluctant bite. The sandwich felt like a rock as he forced the lump of food down his throat. It was lunch time. Discord would be here any moment.

Fancy Pants gulped and forced down a second bite, chewing slowly as he waited for the god of chaos to arrive. He shuffled his hooves nervously and shook his head. “A deal is a deal, Fancy… you WILL live up to it.” The unicorn berated himself as he forced down a third bite. Still no Discord. Maybe he forgot? No, no way Discord forgot something like that.

He was about to force down a third bite when a malicious chuckle made itself known and Discord appeared in the plate. He grinned at Fancy Pants and snapped his talons, appearing beside him. “I am here to collect my prize!” A present box appeared in front of him and he hugged it tightly. “Oh, for me! You shouldn’t have!” He hugged Fancy tightly and grabbed the end of the large bow on top of it as he pulled it and undid the red ribbon.

The walls of the box fell away and the lid disappeared to reveal a black hole on the desk. He reached his paw into the hole and dug around for a bit. “Hmm… No… No… That’s not it either…” He pulled out a goose and it honked at him angrily. He shrugged and tossed it over his shoulder. A thump was heard, followed by another honk as it collided with a window and slid to the ground.

“Ah! Here it is!” He pulled out a long, thin pole with a strap and a small platform on top to support the weight of a pony. Discord grinned deviously and snapped his talons, Fancy Pants popping up with his stomach pressed against the platform and his legs dangling. A leather strap was wrapped tightly around his waist so he wouldn’t fall off. “Safety first! Now, we’ll start with ‘Say it ain’t so’ and go from there.”

He snapped his talons and they appeared at the beginning of the Canterlot main road. Discord hoisted the flag pole up above his head. “Ponies of Canterlot! Say hello to the amazing singer, Fancy Pants!” Fancy groaned and hung his head as the ponies, who were all out and about for lunch, raised their heads and cocked an eyebrow at the odd sight. There goes a perfectly good day. They ignored their lunch and had full attention on Discord and Fancy Pants as he snapped his talons and instruments appeared, playing a rock tune.

Fancy groaned and sighed, gulping as he started to quietly mutter the lyrics. Discord frowned and snapped his talons, amplifying the unicorn’s voice so that no matter how quiet he was, he’d be heard. He sighed and raised his head. With no way to avoid it, Fancy opened his mouth and belted out loudly where he left off, changing a couple word in the lyrics. “Say it ain’t soooooo! My pride is a life taker! Dear daddy, I need you-!”

Discord burst into laughter and changed the tune. “Do ‘Eye of the Tiger’!”

“It’s the EYE OF THE TIGER IT’S THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT!” He belted loudly, his voice scratchy and of key, cracking at the higher notes. The ponies of Canterlot cried helplessly and pinned their ears to their head, pressing their hooves against them in a vain attempt to block the wretched noise. “-RISING UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF OUR RIVALS!!!”

“Make it stop! Stop singing now!” Someone cried out as they dropped to the ground and shoved their head into a nearby bush.

“AS THE LAST KNOWN SURVIVOR STALKS HIS PREY IN THE NIGHT!!!” The voice cracked and strained as he continued. “AND HE’S WATCHING US ALL WITH THE EEEEEYYYYYYYYY-” The ear splitting voice screeched and cracked as it crudely belted out the awful noise.

Rusty jumped and a pancake that he’d flipped in the air fell on his head. He grimaced and pinned his ears back. “What in Celestia’s name is that awful noise!” He stomped out of the kitchen and into the diner. “Alright! Who’s killing chickens!”

He gaped when he saw ponies slamming their heads on the tables and baby foals crying. The kids were whining and screaming for it to stop and one of the customers had shoved their mini breakfast muffins in their ears to block out the noise.

“-YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

“Alright! This is a state of emergency!” Rusty zipped back into the back of the diner and returned with a box of earplugs, zipping around on his skateboard to each and every one of his customers and stuffing them into their ears. There weren’t many customers since not many did breakfast for lunch, but he was happy to see that the foals had stopped crying and the parents sighed in relief.

One stallion, who had yet to receive his earplugs shouted. “What the fuck is that awful noise!”

Rusty rolled up with a wooden spoon and whacked him in the back of his head before handing him his earplugs. “Language!”

Back at the Wonderbolt’s compound, they had just broken for lunch and were busy shoving food into their mouths when the awful voice reached their ears.

“-OF THE TIGERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!”

Rainbow’s eyes shrunk to pinpricks as she choked on her undercooked spaghetti and spit the half chewed food onto the table as she slammed her head against the table. “Make it stop!” She cried, shouts of agreement ringing out as her and everyone else slammed their hooves against their ears. Twister had a large pillow sticking out of each ear as he slammed his head repeatedly against the table. Spitfire was trying to get them under control but her voice was drowned out by the tortured cries.

In the other room where all the wonderbolts were, Soarin grimaced and Fleetfoot was pressing her hooves to her ears. “What the hell is that?!”

Blaze slammed her head into a wall and cried in frustration. “What the fuck?! Who the hell is shoving their cock up a rooster’s ass?!”

Soarin looked over at her and sighed, his ears flattened against his head. “That was not necessary Blaze.”

“Shut the fuck up, princess!”

Soarin sighed and groaned, muttering under his breath as he laid his on the table and pressed his hooves against his ears. “Guess Fancy Pants can’t do everything...”

Discord threw his head back and laughed heartily. “Oh, this is rich!” He looked back at Fancy as he continued to belt out crudely sang words and smirked. “Do ‘never gonna give you up’.” He grinned deviously as Fancy clamped his mouth shut and choked back the tiny sliver left of his pride as he belted out the chorus of the song.

“NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!!!”

The moment those words escaped his lips, everything went to full blown chaos. Ponies were screaming and running, begging for it to end. His wife, Fluer, groaned and pinned her ears back as she walked to Fancy’s office. She pushed the door open. “Fancy, what’s-” she froze when the white unicorn was nowhere to be found. “Fancy?” She walked up to his desk and saw a note on it. The model picked up the note and read it.

Hello Fluer, great to talk to you again.
I borrowed Fancy Pants for a little deal we made at lunch,
hope you don’t mind, tah-tah!

~Discord, God of Chaos

“NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN!!!”

She lowered the note with a disturbed look on her face as her eye twitched.

“NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND-”

“That’s it! Discord went to far this time!” She let the note fall out of her magic grasp and bolted out of the office and towards the exit.

“DESERT YOU!!!”

Misty Fly looked around at everyone with an eyebrow raised in utter confusion. She looked over at Fire Streak, wondering if he’d explain but was surprised to find him pressing his wings over his ears and shaking his head.

Lightning Streak belched, the smell of chili and eggs on his breath as he grabbed his water. “Yo! This is good music brother!” He threw back his head and chugged the water as if it were a shot of alcohol. Fire Streak groaned and rolled his eyes, butting his head repeatedly against the table, though in not as much of an exaggerated way as most everyone else.

“NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY!!!”

Surprise shouted and burst into tears. “Make it stop!...” She cried out between sobs.

“NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE!!!”

Blaze rammed her head into the floor and shouted angrily. “Shut the fuck up and leave!”

“NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE AND-”

“DISCORD!”

“Hurt you… Heh…” Fancy Pants smiled nervously and gulped. “H-hey hun…”

Standing before him and the draconequus was an angry, light pink unicorn. She stomped up to the annoying god and snarled. “Drop. Him. Now!”

He grinned nervously and chuckled, shrugging. “If you say so…” Discord shrugged and let the pole fall from his paw. Fancy Pants landed on the ground with an “oomph” and Fluer rushed over to him to undo the leather strap and take him home. Discord burst out laughing and slapped his knee before disappearing into thin air.

Fancy sighed and stared at the fire in his library with a bottle of hard liquor grasped in his magic and levitating in front of him. He groaned and tipped the bottle into his mouth, chugging the contents and sighing as he set the bottle on the small table next to him and sank deep into the soft chair. He frowned and pulled the red and blue marble from his pocket and groaned. In his slightly drunken state, he accidentally dropped them and the bottle on the table and the whiskey poured onto the marbles.

Before It could get bad, he levitated the bottle back into its upright position and watched as the red on the marble melted into blue and the blue on the other marble melted into red. There was silence for what felt like an eternity before he sighed. “...I’m gonna need another bottle…” He lit up his horn and levitated two unopened bottles of hard liquor to him and popped the corks off of them, dumping the alcohol into his mouth.

Author's Note

Songs are as following:

Say it ain't so~ Weezer
Eye of the Tiger~Survivor
Never Gonna Give You Up~Rick Ashtley

You have all been rick-rolled:trollestia: I am not sorry.:moustache::rainbowlaugh: