The Fic Where The Ponies Just Have to Know (And They Do)
"I FOUND IT!"
Twilight burst into her castle's throne room, a slightly maniacal expression on her face and a scroll clutched in a pink aura floating inches from her ear. Everyone looked up. Pinkie Pie sped over to Twilight.
"What? What'd ya find?" Pinkie Pie bounced energetically around Twilight, who paid no attention as she addressed the room at large.
"Does anyone know what a ship is?" Twilight asked.
"You mean like a boat?" Rainbow Dash asked. Twilight shook her head. "Then, no."
"'Ships' are when one pony is shipped with another pony." The rest of the Mane Six looked confused, so Twilight continued. "'Shipping' is when someone thinks two ponies should be in a romantic relationship, so they jam their names together and it's a ship."
"Okay, but what does this have to do with that scroll you have?" Rarity asked.
"This is a list of the most popular ships that include us. Like, the top ten-ish for each of us. I got it from a portal I built, no joke. Do you guys want to hear your ships?"
Everyone instantaneously sat down in their respective chairs, ears perked up, all except for Applejack.
"Ya just randomly have a portal lyin' arou--"
"Oh, come on, Applejack!" said Fluttershy with an unexpected burst of enthusiasm. "Don't you want to hear who you're shipped with?"
Applejack begrudgingly agreed, and moved to sit in her own chair.
"Well then," Twilight said, snapping her scroll open. The end was kept rolled up, but Twilight held the front part with her magic. "Ahem. PINKIE PIE!"
"Sir, yes, sir!" said Pinkie Pie, saluting. Rainbow Dash gave her a weird look.
"You are most popularly shipped with Cheese Sandwich." Pinkie Pie's eyelid began to twitch as Twilight continued. "Other popular shipped ponies are Donut Joe, Pokey Pierce, Derpy, Discord, Gilda, Fluttershy and Trixie. As per custom, you also are shipped with each of the other Elements of Harmony -- all of us are."
"TRIX--" Pinkie began, but Rainbow cut her off.
"Wait a second. Every one of us is shipped with the other Elements?! WHAT?!"
"It's true. Some minorly, some very popularly. That'll be included. Anyway, Fluttershy." Twilight pointed at the pegasus trying very hard to disappear.
"Wha-what are my ships?" Fluttershy asked, apparently shaken by Pinkie's list.
Twilight scanned her scroll. "You're most popularly shipped with Discord. Other popular ponies are Big Mac, Rainbow Dash--"
"Excuse me? Me and her?"
Twilight kept going. "Tree Hugger, Spike, Bulk Biceps, Braeburn, Iron Will, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Coco Pommel, and Thunderlane."
Fluttershy let out a simple "meep" and dove under her chair, hiding from the mass shipsteria. Rarity fell to the ground at Twilight's feet. "I can't take it any longer! Just tell me who."
"You have two very popular ships, Rarity. Spike and Fancy Pants."
"Sp-Spike?" asked Rarity incredulously. Twilight waited, but Rarity seemed to have been struck dumb.
"Other popular shippings are Big Mac, Blueblood, Applejack, Fluttershy, Thunderlane, Trixie, and Hoity Toity."
Rarity screamed, but did not budge from her chair. Twilight smiled. "How about you....Rainbow Dash?"
"Bring it on!" Rainbow shouted.
Twilight sighed. "OK, you also have a tie for the very popular ships -- Applejack and Soarin. You're also shipped with Big Mac, Thunderlane, Lightning Dust, Braeburn, Daring Do, Derpy, Fluttershy, Gilda, Spitfire, Vinyl Scratch, and...um, me. You're also shipped with, well, most of the pegasi in Ponyville."
"Sweet Celestia...I'm not that sexy!" Rainbow shouted. Then she blushed. Pinkie Pie, in turn, gave Rainbow a weird look.
"Mah turn!" yelled Applejack. "Ah wanna know how bad it is."
"Your most popular ship is with Rainbow Dash. Also popular are Soarin, Discord, Spitfire, Caramel, Fancy Pants, Flim, Maud Pie, Coloratura, Rarity, Trenderhoof, Trixie....Braeburn and...Big Mac."
"These shippers are sick," said Pinkie Pie. "Incest? Bleh."
Applejack gulped. "Wow. Ah'm popular. Now we wanna hear your ships, Twi. No escapin'."
"Yeah," agreed Fluttershy. "How about you!"
Everyone started a chant of "Read it! Read it! Read it!", pressing in on Twilight. Twilight gulped.
"Fine. My most popular ship is...Flash Sentry. And then I'm also shipped with Doctor Whooves, Fluttershy, Sombra, Celestia, Spike, Applejack, Thunderlane, Pinkie Pie, Big Mac, and Trixie." Twilight sighed. "I guess I'm popular too."
"Now," said Rainbow Dash. "Everyone's gotta pick which of their ships is the best."
"What!" yelled Rarity. "No!"
"Everyone." Rainbow poked Rarity's chest with her hoof. "Everyone."
"Oh, fine, but I'm not going first," said Rarity.
Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Wimp. How about Twilight goes first, since she was the one who got the list in the first place?"
Everyone (except Twilight) nodded their consent. Twilight gulped and looked back at the list. "Well...I suppose if I had to pick....Flash Sentry."
"Aha!" sang Pinkie. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew iiiiiiit!" She then proceeded to dance on top of the Cutie Map, which everyone tried to ignore. Twilight, blushing fiercely, pushed the list to a random pony who turned out to be Rarity. Rarity grabbed the list, looked around wildly, and shoved it at Applejack. Rainbow chose this moment to look for whomever had the list next. Her eye fell upon Applejack, who gulped.
"Applejack, your turn!" said Rainbow, slightly maliciously. Applejack swallowed again, and looked down at the scroll.
"Uh..Ah guess Soarin," said Applejack.
"Oooooooh!" Pinkie Pie said, still on the table. "You two would make a hot couple!"
Applejack glared at Pinkie. "Well, since you're still on the table, why don't ya do it next?"
Pinkie froze and stared at Applejack. Quick as a flash, she grabbed the paper from Applejack. Then she yelled, "RICOTTA HOAGIE!"
"What?" Rarity said. "Who's that?"
Pinkie did one of her Pinkie gasps. "You don't KNOW? Rarity, as your punishment, you get to read yours next." Without any more warning, Pinkie poked a hole in the top of the list and hung it on Rarity's horn. Rarity squealed, but then sighed and took the list off her horn in order to read it better.
"Oh..I don't know. Uh...Fancy Pants?" Rarity squeaked out this answer and then hid behind her hooves.
Twilight smirked. "Knew it. Who else hasn't gone?"
Applejack held up a baby pink tail. "Fluttershy. Pass me the list." She shoved the list under the chair into Fluttershy's hooves.
"Oh, gosh," the rest of the ponies heard from under the chair. "I don't know. Do I have to?"
"YES!" everyone shouted.
"Okay, um. Discord."
Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. "Obviously! Rainbow Dash, your turn!"
"Agh!" Rainbow had apparently been trying to disappear into her chair. The sudden mention by Pinkie Pie made her sit up, scrabble around, and try to disappear even more.
"Come on, Rainbow, we've all done it. It's your turn now," Rarity said calmly. Pinkie Pie grabbed the list from Fluttershy and pushed it at Rainbow Dash, who took it begrudgingly. She cleared her throat and looked at the list.
"Um...Applejack?"
"Speak up, sugarcube." Applejack patted Rainbow on the shoulder. "We can't hear ya."
Rainbow's face turned the color of Cherry Jubilee's mane. "I said...Applejack."
The Element of Honesty turned maroon. "Uh..thanks? Ah guess?"
Rainbow scowled. "Don't mention it."
Applejack opened her mouth, but Rainbow put her hoof over it.
"Literally. Don't mention it."
