MLPU: Guardians of the Galaxy

by TheInvincibleIronBrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Anthro, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Angel, Other, Sex, Science Fiction, Gilda, Adventure, Screwball
Length: 7226

The five least tolerable criminals in the galaxy may be it's only hope. This might not be the best idea.

Taken from earth as a child, Solar Wind has lived as a Ravager, an outlaw of the lowest respect. Screw Ball, an assassin for hire, wants nothing more than to escape the shadow of her families bloody legacy. Gilda, known as the destroyer, seeks revenge for the deaths of her family at the hands of the Kree empire. Angel and Bloomberg, highly skilled mercenaries, just want a pay day. When a powerful artifact, thought lost to time, surfaces on the edge of Xandarian space, they are forced to work together, by the Nova corps, to stop Last Rites, a Kree warlord, from destroying all that oppose him.

Co-written with Otto Octavius

Published 2016-04-29 04:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-29 04:30:01 UTC

Hooked on a Feeling

On the edge of the galaxy, in an enigmatic spaceport known only as Knowhere, a mysterious being known to most as the Collector sat surrounded by his vast menagerie of strange creatures, life forms, objects and other unidentifiable cosmic treasures. The Collector was alone, looking into a cage that had an almost Equine creature inside, but it seemed to be partially aquatic. It was covered in hard scales and in place of a mane it had a fin.

A bright salmon colored mare with her jet black mane tied back into two inexplicably pink pig tails, accented by her elf like ears approached him from behind "Master... I have news from Conjunction. Encoded transmissions for your eyes on the ground," she told him in a sweet tone.

The Collector smirked. "Indeed..." He put his hand up to the glass and the fish pony matched his gesture. "... Interesting." He turned to face his servant. "Show me."

///////////////////

A small ship entered the atmosphere of Conjunction, a dead world from the coldest reaches of the galaxy, and also the location of a notorious black market for contraband technology.

As the ship touched down, its lone passenger, cloaked in a brown cloth, exited and made their way towards the nearest signs of civilization. She could already hear the weird and wonderful aliens hocking the wares they themselves barely understood.

"Garja chips! Only ten units!" a vendor cried from across the street

"Changeling detectors! Good prices!" another called, holding up a small disk like object.

The lone wanderer made her way through the marketplace, not so much as glancing at the funny looking aliens shouting nonsense. She took a deep breath and reveled in the chaos and clutter of it.

"Changeling detectors! Like new! Ten units apiece! That's value for you!" a larger alien shouted, glaring at his competition a few stalls down.

"Ion clamps! I got the ion clamps you need!" yelled gesturing at what looked like rusty ship parts. "Who'll offer me five units? Five? Five?"

"Genuine Xandarian hyper-shunts! Look at the workmanship!"

"Need a drive generator? You!? You need a drive generator?"

She spotted her destination, a casino on the edge of the marketplace and made her way straight towards it. As she entered the casino she saw a variety of aliens of different shapes and sizes. Everything from small and fuzzy critters to huge creatures that visit you in your nightmares. The wanderer had never felt more at home.

A large alien resembling a minotaur but with four arms stopped the mare while she was walking. "Oooh, who have we here? What ya got in them pockets, eh?" he asked threateningly.

"I can think of two very good reasons why you shouldn't do that." The cloaked mare said with a smile, hoping her aggressor would try something anyway.

"Oh yeah? And what are they?" the minotaur like creature challenged, chuckling at the mare before him.

In a flash of movement the mare threw off her cloak and produced a pair of swords and instantly severed the aliens two uppermost arms. "Those." She said, holding the swords at her sides. The mare was a light purple earth pony, with an extremely curly mane of a darker purple and white that was so erratic it looked as if birds had recently been nesting in her hair. Her cutie mark was a screw and a baseball on her shoulder, just above the cut off of the black leather suit she wore.

"MY ARMS! AIIIEEK! MY ARMS!" The alien screamed clutching at the stumps of his severed arms.

"Aww, cheer up." She said smiling standing over him. "You've still got another pair!" she said giggling at the alien.

"She... she diced Gorfrad! Snuff her!" One of the other larger aliens shouted.

"He'll be fine." She said, rolling her eyes, as a mob formed and began to advance on her. "I only disarmed him!" She wasn't able to contain her laughter as she jumped into the mob and began slicing them apart.

One alien attempted to stab her in the back with a large knife as another charged her from the front. In the same instant she blocked the knife coming from behind her and severed the head of the alien charging towards her.

"I didn't really want things to come to a head so quickly." She said, bursting into a fit of laughter but her fighting skill seemed unimpeded, proven by stabbing one attacker in the stomach as she fended of two aliens coming at her with knives with the other sword.

"You guys like to play rough too, huh!?" She stabbed her sword through the head of a praying mantis-like alien but found it was stuck.

Two aliens immediately attempted to dog pile on her. The crazed mare dropped down on her hands and kicked the two aliens, one flew right out the window and into the market place, the other wasn't so lucky and collided head first with a wall and slumped to the ground with a broken neck. She quickly severed the mantis alien's head and resumed using her sword, swinging it around like an unholy shish kebab.

"For d'ast sake! There's only one of her! AAAGGGK-" one alien screeched as he was run through.

"She's so fast! I can't-" another started, only to lose his head a second later.

"Anyalien else wanna collect on their life insurance?" The mare said, swords gleaming scarlet with the blood of her enemies. As the surging thugs formed a wide circle around her.

"Ah. You must be the infamous Screwball." Said a voice from the far wall of the casino. "The deadliest mare in the galaxy. Not an idle boast I see."

Screwball looked over and saw the unmistakable image of the Collector addressing her, but something was off about him. The Collector gestured to the exit door. "Please, this way. I have been waiting for you."

"You haven't really been waiting for lil' ol' me have you?" Screwball said as she literally walked straight through him. "Well... You're not a ghost, so I'm guessing you're actually a holographic projection. That's kinda rude, you should've come to meet me in the flesh," Screwball said with a faux pout.

The Collector was taken aback, he'd had to jump through hoops to get such a perfect hologram projector. But the fact that she had seen through it just meant this was definitely the pony for the job. "My dear Screwball, it's called caution. You are the deadliest mare in the galaxy after all," He said through his projection.

"Shall we discuss business? I have learned the whereabouts of the Orb," The Collector said keeping things brief. "I need somepony to collect it for me and it is imperative that I collect it before Last Rites and his Crystal Unicorn 'empire'."

"The Orb, huh. What if I didn't know what that is? I figure it's either powerful or valuable if you want it... And if Last Rites wants it too, I'm guessing super powerful. So... if Rites got a hold of it, that would be... bad?" Screwball guessed, pretending to be confused

"It is powerful indeed. A most marvelous thing. Indeed it should not fall into Last Rites' hands. I will look after it much more carefully." The Collector paused when he noticed Screwball's hesitation. "You are conflicted. I see. Your former loyalty to Last Rites... And your wish to atone for past crimes."

"I don't like you, Collector." Screwball said pointing her sword at the projection of the Collector. "Buuut... I figure you're more likely to do the right thing than Last Rites. I'll get your orb. And you can chuck it in the closet with your other junk," Screwball told him, all playfulness forgotten

The Collector really didn't like having to depend on this mare to retrieve the Orb. "It's in the temple vault on Morag. The lesser sea is lowering for the first time in three hundred years, making the temple vault accessible," the Collector explained.

"Deal! No take backs!" Screwball shouted, forgetting she didn't like her business partner.

"Of course not. I want the Orb for my collection very much..." The Collector paused. "It is such a deliciously potent object." The Collector got a far away look in his eye at the thought of a new item.

"See ya soon! We'll meet for real next time... I won't bite. Promise," Screwball said, chomping her teeth together with a smile.

///////////////////

"I am... reassured. Contact me when you are ready to make the delivery," the Collector said to the projection of Screwball. "Cancel holo communication Zanni," he ordered his assistant.

Zanni complied, shutting off the device. "Are you alright master? Can you trust this Screwball?" Zanni asked with concern

"She is... Unsettling. But I am confident in her ability to perform this task." The Collector and Zanni left the communication room and returned to the collection. "However, the stakes are high and I cannot be the only one eager to possess the orb... I can only wonder how many other players are caught up in this game. Things may be about to get quite fascinating."

//////////////////

A blue pegasus stallion, known to most as Solar Wind, with bright orange headphones around his neck was standing on the balcony of a building opposite an incredibly opulent mansion. Magiphen, one of the most heavily guarded estates on the planet Gramos. He had been watching the guardsmen for going on a week now. He had logged all of their comings and goings. He now knew the schedule to the letter and even the paths that they would patrol.

The guardsmen were big. Not one of them was under six feet tall and they were all that weird shade of dark blue. The stallion didn't discriminate, he was pretty dark blue himself. The only thing that really kept him from blending in was his wings, that and the fact that he wore actual clothing.

All his waiting and plotting was for a single goal. A jewel, specifically one of the fragments of Xorr the God-Jewel. There were only twenty four in the entire galaxy and they were worth a several million units. He didn't know why they called it that, but it sounded pretty valuable. If he could get a hold of it, he could sell it and live easy for a while.

He looked down at the top window of the mansion, always inexplicably opened for a very brief period every night. Riiiiiight... Now! Solar told himself. As if on cue the window opened automatically. Maybe it's a glitch in their security systems? If there is anyone in there I'll just knock 'em out for a bit, The Stallion thought to himself as he set his gun on non-lethal, put on his mask, hit play on his Walkpony and waited.

"I'm... dun dun. Hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing," Solar sang himself quietly as the beat of the music rang in his ears. "That you're in love with me," Solar sang, keeping his voice low.

In the second that none of the guards were looking in his direction, he silently glided from the balcony in through the open window.

He landed perfectly, not making a sound. "Another win for Star-Lord," He said looking around and suddenly realising why this room was opened at the same time every night. It was a bathroom. He carefully paused his music and removed his headphones and equally carefully pulled out his gun.

"Who's there? Porghan, honey? Is that you?" The Gramosian stepped out of the shower and saw the masked pegasus standing there.

Star-Lord quickly held his hands up. "Please don't scream. I will shoot you," he said in an oddly polite tone.

"Why would I scream?" The Gramosian said. "What are you? Some kind of handsome alien scoundrel, come to steal my husband's treasures?" she asked, giving Solar a one over and smiling seductively at him.

"Umm... Pretty much. Wait... Did you just call me handsome?" Solar asked, confused and at the same time proud.

"Well, I am assuming a lot," She said caressing Solar's mask. Solar took note that she was making no effort to cover herself.

"Do you think you could point me towards some of those treasures?" Solar asked, shaking his head to get back on track.

"You may as well take them, he just keeps them locked up here... Gathering dust," she stated in a resentful tone, pouting.

"Really? Thanks!" Solar said happily.

"He treats me the same way, locked away at home... Like some prize to be gawked at whenever he has to entertain company..." she continued wistfully.

"About those treasures..." Solar said, trying to get his heist back on track.

"He'll spend hours polishing the metal and shining the jewels," she continued with no sign of ending her rant.

"There's one in particular..." Solar told her, again failing to catch her attention.

"It's been so long since he... polished me off," she said, sadly, slowly turning to Solar.

Star-Lord suddenly noticed she was wearing a pendant that bared the exact jewel he was looking for. He quickly thought of a plan, then removed his mask. "You're not one of those species that eats their mate post-coital, right?" he asked with an affectionate smile.

"That depends on your definition..." She said leaning in before passionately kissing the intruder.

///////////////////////

Solar collapsed on the silken sheets if the woman's bed, drenched in sweat and panting."That was amazing... Umm... I didn't catch your name." Star-Lord said between breaths, sitting up in bed.

"My name is Selah, my little scoundrel." The Gramosian said lustfully, crawling up beside him. "I didn't catch yours either," she replied, leaning against him.

"I was born Solar Wind, but in my adventures and exploits, I've become known by a different name," Solar began dramatically, earning an amused smile from his companion. "A name known across the galaxy. For the third time tonight I'm gonna ask you not to scream Selah," he continued, pausing for effect. "I am the famous outlaw, Star-Lord," Solar Wind said getting out of bed and dramatically looking out the open window.

"Oh... Uh, wow?" Selah said, unsure if she should pretend to be fearful or in awe of Solar.

"Nothing?! Seriously? I-I can't..." said Solar Wind, as he started looking for his clothing and picked up his mask. "Let me get the mask back on. See if you recognise it."

"I'm sorry, I've just never heard of you... I told you I don't get out much," Selah replied, trying to soothe Solar's ego.

"Yeah... That's probably it," Solar Wind said, sounding deflated.

At that moment the door caved in and the room was filled with twenty guards and an extremely peeved Gramosian duke. "Selah? What is the meaning of this!?" he shouted angrily.

"H-he tricked me! He used some kind of... Alien pheromone!" Selah said covering herself up.

"What!? Oh, screw it." Solar said quickly putting his mask back on and putting his hands up.

"Guards! Shoot this fool!" The duke said furiously.

"Wait, wait!" Said Solar backing away from the guards. "Firstly, thank you for this." He opened his hand revealing the jewel encrusted pendant.

"What?! When did you-" Selah shouted in surprise, quickly getting cut off by Solar.

"And secondly, remember my name. Say it with me. Star-Lord," He said slowly, dragging out the two syllables before throwing himself out through the previously opened window and took to the air. Several shots rang out but Star-Lord managed to avoid every single one of them as he flew away into the night. Completely naked, except for his trademark mask and the Walkpony in his hand.

"If you like piña coladas and gettin caught in the rain. If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain. If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape. Then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape," Solar sang happily at a successful score and heist.

/////////////////

"What do you mean he wouldn't take the das't thing?! Do you know what I went through to get this?" Solar Wind said to Whistlin' Dixie, Centaurian captain of the Ravagers, an infamous gang of thieves and pirates. Solar had been greeted angrily when he returned to their ship and was now trying to understand where he'd gone wrong as his boss glared at him from the captain's seat.

"Yeah, I know exactly what ya went through to get it. Ev'ry single flarking sentient life form on Gramos knows what ya went through," Dixie said as he stood up and showed Solar Wind a poster that had a sketch vaguely reminiscent of Star-Lords mask, captioned with the name Space-Lord. "Congratulations, 'Space-Lord' you're finally gettin' famous," he said before grabbing hold of Solar Wind and throwing him against the wall. "I spent all day waitin' fer you tah come good on this heist and what do you give me? A stupid gem that I can't give away because you couldn't keep it in your pants!"

"She spotted me! I had to improvise..." Solar defended himself.

"Well, you did a fine job! Is this how you repay your gracious captain after I saved you?!" Dixie accused angrily.

"Saved me?! You abducted me! Your men were gonna eat me!" Solar argued.

"And I stopped them! They ain't never had Pegasus before! I saved ya!" Dixie snarled.

"I can't put up with this right now... I'm sorry. Is that what you wanna hear? I messed up," Solar apologized, calming Dixie down. "Do you have any new tips for me?" Solar asked, eager to turn things around.

"Well... We do have commission to nab a little nicknack on a planet called Morag," Dixie said, in a bored tone.

"Morag? Isn't that place flooded?" Solar asked, raising an eyebrow at the odd request.

"One of a kind circumstances, the water is low enough to reach the temple," Dixie explained.

"What are we looking for?"Solar inquired, hoping to glean as much as possible from his boss.

"Can't rightly say. Some kind of orb, said we'll know it when we see it," Dixie stated, shrugging. "Listen, I want you go on ahead and scout the place out. Do a little recon for me 'n the boys, but don't go into the d'ast temple before I get there! You hear me boy!?" Dixie ordered sternly.

"Grrr... Fine. Fine, fine, fine. You and me, working together. Just like the old days!" Solar replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes at Dixie's mistrust.

"That's right! I'll be seeing you on Morag. And if'n I don't... If you stab me in the back. I'll kill ya, boy," Dixie threatened.

"Great work ethic, Dixie. Do you know where I can find the nearest bar? Think I'd like to take you and the boys out to celebrate," Solar said with a smile.

Dixie smiled at the suggestion. "Sounds good to me. The boys are already at a great place," Dixie said as he started walking for the exit.

"Great," Solar cheered. "I'll meet ya there, gotta grab my walkpony," he stated as he started down a different hallway. Dixie nodded and quickly left the ship.

Once Dixie was out of the ship, Solar found a window and watched him walk away until he was out of sight. "Alright, let's get on outta here," Solar said smiling as he entered the cockpit and started the ship. Seconds later Solar Wind had the stolen ship in the air and leaving Gramosian orbit.

/////////////////////

Dixie and his Ravagers returned to where they'd left their ship several hours later only to be met with an empty lot. Dixie's face contorted into a livid glare, while his cronies stared in confusion and disbelief. "Solar Wind you are a dead stallion," he said in a dangerous tone. "Put a bounty on his head. Forty thousand units alive," Dixie ordered the nearest ravager, who nodded in understanding. "And get us a ship," Dixie said, staring at the dark sky.

Author's Note

And thus we kick off the next story in my extended universe. Now first things first, I'm gonna come clean that about 90% of the work on the first two chapters, this and the next one, was done by my co-writer, Otto Octavius. He did an amazing job with it too, really made the characters fun. I'll do my best to live up to his standard, but please don't get angry if I fall short.

Might be asking yourself, why I feel burdened if he's my co-writer? Well I sorta flubbed big time. We started planning this story over a year ago, which is when Otto wrote these chapters, and not long after I hit that period of several months when my passion for the project faltered. Thus things were put off, and now that I feel up to continuing, Otto has his hands full with his own work, and won't be available to help me. I'm not angry with him, he gave me a helluva start for the story as well as had the cover art commissioned, so as far as I'm concerned, he's done more than his fair share.

Thanks for everything Otto. I recommend you all go check out what he's got going on. I know he has a really fun CMC/Fantastic 4 story up. I highly recommend it.

Next chapter will be up a little while after this one.

Til then, Stay Tuned.

A Long List of Bad Ideas

Angel, known to many as Rocket Rabbit, and Bloomberg, a sentient arboroform, originating from Planet X, pulled into the hub in a spaceship that looked like it was barely worth the duct tape holding it together.

The strange looking pair had met on Earth when Angel hid in an apple orchard after escaping a lab. The tree he had decided to live under turned out to be Bloomberg. Bloomberg spent some time in Equestria, rooted in a dormant state. He was eventually discovered by Angel and the two formed a friendship. Usually Bloomberg was just the muscle while Angel did the talking, which was handy because Bloomberg was only capable of saying three words anyway.

Angel was being experimented on to resist some plague of rabbit sterility on Earth before he and his new partner were taken to the planet known as Halfworld where he received cybernetic enhancements and augmentations, while Bloomberg was kept under study. This included a major increase in intelligence. Believe it or not but Angel has one of the finest tactical minds in the galaxy. It wasn't until the pair escaped Halfworld that he discovered his one true love. Unfeasibly large artillery. Angel has since discovered that whatever problem a cunning plan can't solve, the right gun would.

The Hub, a large space station where it is known fact that anything is for sale. Tech, cargo, even your last breath if you talk to the right black market oxygen dealer. The Hub is divided into two sections; Uptown, where the rich folk live with increased security, a necessary precaution when compared to Downtown, the lawless marketplace where anything goes and gangs rule.

"Well, Bloomberg, ol' buddy, ol' tree. We're down to our last few units," Angel said as they disembarked and entered the marketplace. "It took almost all our cash to fuel this stolen crate all the way here."

"I am Bloomberg!" Responded Bloomberg, giving Angel a stern glance.

"Did I say "stolen"? I meant 'liberally borrowed'," Angel corrected as the parking meter robot flew over to him holding the receptacle for their money.

"Fifty units," the machine requested.

"How much?!" Angel shouted as he reluctantly paid up. "My friend we need a big score, fast! Because we are officially broke. It looks like we're gonna have to go... Downtown," Angel visibly shuddered at the prospect. There was a general rule of thumb on the Hub. Never go Downtown. Ever.

"I am Bloomberg," Bloomberg said, concerned for his friends well being.

//////////////////

"I can't believe there isn't a single job going!" Angel cried out after an entire afternoon of frustrated and increasingly desperate searching. "Be honest with me, Bloomberg. It's because I'm so adorable isn't it?" Angel asked, deadly serious.

"I am Bloomberg," Bloomberg said, attempting to reassure his adorable friend.

A figure, watching the pair from the shadows beckoned them over with one of his bright green tentacles. "Hey! Hey, little buddy." He said in a coarse voice. "I couldn't help overhearing you're a little short, he he..."

"Buzz off, funny man," said Angel as he turned away, ready to put a hole through the next joker that laughed at him.

"My name is Sqqd'Li. You interested in a pay day?" Sqqd'Li asked, catching Angel's attention.

Angel stopped and turned around. "What did you have in mind, bud?"

"Imports and exports, no questions. Kind of wanted to avoid attention from local security and the Nova corps," Sqqd'Li explained.

"This happens to be a field of business we have some experience in. Let us discuss this further," Angel said, being careful not to seem too eager.

"My boss, his name is Scraggot. Local businessman. He has a consignment he wants imported. There's a thousand units in it for you," Sqqd'Li told the pair.

"Hmm, that may just cover my hourly rate," Angel said, barely containing his excitement. "Please go on, Mr. Sqqd'Li."

"Very well. The item is currently being held in a customs station in the Uptown district of the Hub," Sqqd'Li informed, gesturing in it's general direction.

"Uptown? That's mucho security," Angel said, scratching his chin, pretending to rethink the offer.

"Precisely, armed guards, laser grid fields, you name it. Not to mention, entry to Uptown is controlled by credit check. Basically if you're not rich enough, you can't get in." Sqqd'Li said before pulling out a device that projected a holographic diagram of the Hub's blueprints. "So this is this the only way in. The shaft that runs all the way between Downtown and Uptown."

"I get the picture. We'll see you later, with your 'imports'," Angel said as he and Groot started walking away.

//////////////////////

Finding the vent was relatively simple but actually getting inside was slightly difficult, the door was locked and they had no way of knowing who had the key. It was at this point Bloomberg remembered that he was a giant tree and simply kicked the door in.

Before they knew it, they were climbing the vent and were on their way Uptown. They eventually found the exit after a few close calls with some loose cables. "Okay, according to Sqqd'Li this is the right level for the customs station," Angel said, noticing a case that matched the description Sqqd'Li had given them, including the heavily armed security. "Okay buddy, I see our score, but the vents too small for you. So get ready to reach in when I tell you," Angel said as he pulled a grenade out of his pocket.

Angel threw the grenade and watched as it exploded into a green gas that quickly filled the room. All of the guards were unconscious before they even knew what hit them. Angel jumped down from the vent and secured the case. "Got it! Reach in and take it from me!"

"Hey! You!" Said one of three guards running into the room to see what the commotion was, they pointed their guns at Angel and begun firing.

"Oops," Angel muttered before jumping around to dodge the laser bullets. "Bloomberg, get the item outta here while I keep these bozos occupied!" Angel said pulling out a small gun that unfolded and expanded into a much larger gun and returned fire.

"I am Bloomberg!" Bloomberg shouted as he grabbed the case and retreated down the vent, reluctant to leave his friend in danger but wary of the importance of being paid.

Angel was taking cover behind some boxes when he noticed one labeled Antimatter turbo thruster. "Oh, you legally impounded beauty!" He said opening the crate and removing the engine part.

"You behind the boxes! Come out now with your hands raised or--" One of the guards started but was cut off as Angel rocketed past on his small rocket, bowling all of the guards over.

"YEEEEE-HAH!" Angel shouted, but realized he had nowhere to run. "Only one way out," He said as he put on his oxygen helmet and turned his gun towards the window. He suddenly blasted a hole out into open space.

"This is bad! I've got air, but no suit. I'm already freezing. Come on... Cybernetically augmented body... Don't fail me now... d-don't f-fail me..." Angel's voice trailed off as his vision faded.

A wooden hand reached out and grabbed Angel's unconscious body and pulled back him into the Hub through one of the many airlocks on the station. "I am Bloomberg." Said Bloomberg, happy when the rabbit started breathing more regularly and opened his eyes.

"Thanks buddy, now let's go and collect on our services rendered," Angel said as he stood up.

///////////////////

"You boys pulled it off! Drinks all round!" Sqqd'Li shouted happily. They had met up at a bar to celebrate as was the custom in Downtown or anywhere with a bar really. "Mr. Scraggot will be delighted," he said happily.

"Yeah, that's great. Cough up the units Sqqd'Li," Angel said with an outstretched paw.

"First I have to check the merchandise," Sqqd'Li informed the duo.

"Just out of curiosity. What was it that Scraggot was so desperate for anyway?" Angel asked as Sqqd'Li opened the case revealing five large snail-like creatures. "Huh? A cargo of live scalluscs?" Angel asked confused.

"Indeed! Mr. Scraggot is having his bathroom remodelled and the shell on these babies will make the perfect tiling to match the colour scheme," Sqqd'Li said removing one of them from the case.

The scallusc locked eyes with Angel and suddenly shouted "Please! We have money! We'll double whatever they're paying you! Just please get my family out of here!"

Angel and Bloomberg looked conflicted for a moment. "You've got a deal!" Shouted Angel, grabbing the scallusc as Bloomberg punched Sqqd'Li's lights out.

"I am Bloomberg," Said Bloomberg, eager to leave as soon as feasibly possible.

"Yes, we're leaving. But first, we did, after all, deliver the case of scalluscs as asked and I think we're owed something for that," Angel said fishing through Sqqd'Li's pockets. He quickly found and pocketed the promised units. "Okay, now we just gotta get outta here without running into this Scraggot guy," he finished turning around and running into a huge, snarling, monster of an alien. Angel stared at the alien for a moment. "You Scraggot?" he asked, receiving only a glare and a snarl in return. "Right, Bloomberg make a hole."

"I am Bloomberg!" Bloomberg said as his fist flew into Scraggot's face knocking him across the room and relieving two of his men of their weapons. Bloomberg dropped the guns and Angel rolled forward, catching both of the extremely large guns in his paws before opening fire.

Seconds later guns were being fired off from every conceivable direction and aliens of all races were joining in on the violence."Y'know, I have a theory. We shouldn't have gone Downtown! Ever!" Angel cried before firing his weapons.

Bloomberg started brawling with anyone stupid enough to come within branch reach of him. "I AM BLOOMBERG!" He shouted, unafraid of the odds they faced, as it grabbed one unfortunate alien by the cranium and smashed him into the ground.

Scraggot stood up on the edge of the firefight, firing a laser pistol at Angel and Bloomberg. "So, Mr. Scraggot. I'm guessing you want your money back?" Rocket said dodging a shot by a hair.

"Actually, no. I've had a design re-think,” Scraggot's tentacled grip tightening on his gun as he fired again. "Now I'm seeing a bathroom panelled in wood from Planet X and a furry little bath mat!" he snarled angrily.

"Oh you are, are you?" Angel said snarling with anger as he spotted a Gatling gun in another combatants hands. "Bloomberg, hand me that BFG!" Angel requested.

Like an experienced caddy, Bloomberg plucked the weapon from the aliens grip and gave it to Angel. "I am Bloomberg." He said, worried, as always, when Angel got that look in his eye.

"Oh no," Scraggot whimpered.

"Oh yeah!" Angel cheered before letting loose with laser bullets in every direction, tearing through everything in sight. As the ammunition ran out, Angel let out a deep exhale. "Y'know, that really centres me. I am totally at peace right now."

"I am Bloomberg..." Bloomberg said, shocked at the carnage.

"They'll be fine. I think I had it set on stun," Angel said as he checked the gun's settings. "Yeah. They'll be fine."

//////////////////

"This is docking control. You are fully fuelled and cleared for departure," a voice said through the ship's intercom.

"Thank you, control," Angel said as he pulled his ship away from the Hub. Bloomberg was tightly holding onto to the tank of scalluscs. "Okay, folks, we're about to quit this joint. Next stop, the scallusc homeworld... We'd prefer cash by the way."

"That won't be a problem," Said one of the scalluscs.

"I am Bloomberg," Bloomberg said, relaying his wisdom to any who may listen.

"Yeah, I also learned a lot from our visit to the Hub. One don't go to downtown, ever," Rocket hit the gas and sped away as quickly as their 'ship' would take them. "And two, if you do, never, ever go back there."

"I am Bloomberg," Bloomberg agreed, chuckling with jovial nonchalance.

"Couldn't have put it better myself, pal," Angel replied as a monitor on his right started beeping. "Whoa!" he shouted after checking a live feed of bounties in the system. "Ravagers are paying big for some guy alive. Forty thousand," Angel told his partner. "You wanna take this one after we get these guys home?" he asked, gesturing at the scalluscs.

"I am Bloomberg," Bloomberg replied, nodding in agreement.

Angel smiled at their good fortune. "Maybe today wasn't so bad after all. Worse has happened," Angel reasoned.

///////////////////////

In the center of a small city known as Tanam, there sat a large building used to house the Brotherhood of Badoon commanders and governors while they made their plans to pillage, pollute and plunder any and all neighboring planets.

Just outside the meeting room standing on a balcony, near the top of the impressive structure which overlooked the city were a pair of guards wondering how they managed to receive the honor of guarding their races greatest minds. But something was bothering them. The pair of guards had the strangest sensation that they were being watched.

"Did you hear that?" one guard asked, thinking he had heard the sound of flapping wings.

"Stop changing the subject," his companion complained "Okay, new scenario. You're staring down a Shi'ar berserker, with all the enhancements, you start to run in the other direction and you run right into Gilda the Destroyer. Who do you try and fight?" The guard asked.

"Aww, hell..." the first started.

"And suicide is not an option," the other clarified.

All of a sudden, with surprisingly little noise or struggle, a blur of white, brown and red landed on the Badoon closest to the door, crushing him dead. She unholstered a large knife and levelled her gaze at the remaining Badoon. "G-Gilda the Destroyer..." he stammered in fear.

"Is that your final answer?" Gilda said standing up straight. She stood roughly seven feet tall and was extremely muscular. The Badoon knew that the knife was just a courtesy, she could easily rip him in half with her bare hands. She was also covered from her crest to her paws in bright red tattoos.

"I-I... No?" the guard asked, shaking in his boots, hoping he would be the first to survive Gilda's wrath.

"That's a pity. The Shi'ar would probably be a little more painless, but I'll at least be quick," Gilda said twirling the knife in her talon. "Like so." Like lightning the knife flew from her grip and planted itself square between the Badoon's eyes.

Gilda then retrieved her knife from the corpse and with a loud crack kicked open the door to the meeting room. "Do you all know who I am?!" she shouted earning several looks of fear, rage and resignation on the old lizards faces and the fact that not one soul in the room said a word spoke volumes to Gilda. "Good, that'll save me some time," she said as she made her way to the centre of the room.

As Gilda passed an armed guard standing against the wall of the room he carefully and quietly took out his gun. No sooner had he cocked and aimed it, did Gilda have him by the wrist and immediately severed his arm clean at the elbow. Gilda then threw the guard against the wall and reared back her fist, punching him on the face and subsequently punching a hole through the wall behind him.

"I'm gonna make this real simple, before this gets too bloody. I need transport to Hala. Or however close I can get to Hala on one flight," She was still met with nothing but silence and grim looks. Gilda sighed and pulled what appeared to be a remote control out of her pocket and pressed a button on it. A massive explosion rang out through the city and every single face in the room except Gilda's looked out the window to see another spire collapsing in the distance earning frightened shouts from her captives.

"Oh dear gods!"

"She'll destroy the whole planet!"

"Just give her what she wants!"

Gilda silenced them with a glare. "I have another spire ready to explode! Guess what? It's this one. None of you will make it out of the building in time and I can just fly out the window and try my luck in the next city over. So, one last time, before I get really angry. I NEED TRANSPORT TO HALA!"

An older alien stood up on the far side of the room. "Very well. My name is Droom. I am a commander of the Brotherhood of the Badoon, I will take you to one of our ships. But the furthest you'll be able to go from here is Xandar." Said Droom, walking over to the exit.

"Xandar? The home world and base of operations for the Nova Corps?! Do you think I'm stupid or just naive?" Gilda said holding her knife to Droom's throat. At that moment the door opened and a ten foot tall hulking Badoon entered the room, ducking under the doorway.

"What took you so long, Drang!? I sounded the alarm ten minutes ago!" Droom shouted angrily.

The larger Badoon didn't say anything, he just tackled Gilda to the ground and picked her up by her head. Drang then grabbed the talon holding the control for the explosives and crushed it causing Gilda to squawk in pain. Drang bared his teeth and let out a loud hiss as he inched towards her neck.

"RAAAHHHHHH!" Gilda bellowed, immediately putting her beak through his eye causing him to shout out in pain. Drang threw Gilda through the wall and into the next room over. He quickly followed, preparing to attack in a feral rage. "RRAAARRR! Just go down!" Gilda shouted punching him in the face, clawing at his hide and even burying one of her knives four inches deep in his chest.

No matter what she threw at him the monster didn't even slow down. But Gilda was taking heavy damage, a blow to the chest, a fist in her face and a claw through her shoulder. After another blow to the head Gilda sluggishly regained her bearings and punched Drang in the eye that she had gouged out earlier and flew back into the meeting room and hobbled towards the outdoor balcony she had entered from.

Drang barreled into the room after her and tackled her at full speed, Gilda didn't resist and just let the both of them fly out through the window. Okay, defenestration. Good plan. Now to not fall to my death, Gilda thought to herself as Drang tightened his grip on her. She managed to get one arm loose and dug one of her talons right into his eye. "You either let go or I'm going to poke your brain!" Gilda shouted pulling her knife out of his chest where she had buried it earlier and drove that through his eye instead.

Drang howled in pain and eventually loosened his grip allowing Gilda to break free and fly back up to the meeting room as Drang fell the remaining fifty stories to his death. As she landed on the balcony and walked back into the meeting room, Gilda cricked her neck as she holstered her knife and looked around at the Badoon who had been too stunned to flee when the fight began.

"Now, did someone say something about transportation off this lizard nest?" Gilda walked over to Droom and picked him up by his throat. "And if you even think of suggesting Xandar or Lotiara, I'll snap your neck right now," she threatened in a low tone.

A bright beam blasted through the window nearly blinding Gilda, causing her to lose her grip on Droom. "This is Moondancer of the Nova Corps. Subject 1873946, Gilda the Destroyer, you are under arrest for twenty two confirmed counts of murder in this sector." The light was coming from an equine being wearing a black suit and a gold helmet with a star pattern, floating in the opening she'd made.

Gilda grabbed her knives and prepared for a fight. "We have the building surrounded. There is no way you are escaping! Come quietly," the Nova Corpspony ordered.

Gilda charged at the Nova but before she could make contact five more appeared and created a stasis field around her using a series of silver orbs. "We're going to give you a room without a view on the Kyln, Gilda," Said one of the Nova Corpsponies.

Why would I care whether or not my room had nice scenery? Gilda thought as they carried her away.

Author's Note

Okay I lied, I'm gonna submit the story with the first two chapters.

Oh I also wanted to clear up a few extra things.

1) I'm not sure what exactly qualifies a story for the sex tag being necessary, but there will likely be quite a bit of innuendo and maybe some intimate moments between characters so it's just there to be safe. Solar will not be going Austin Powers on everything in a skirt.

2) I'd like to explain the lack of a prologue. I was going to do a scene similar to how the Guardians of the Galaxy movie opened, but I didn't want to copy it and I want to expand on the history's of the other guardians as well. So instead of a prologue, I'll be using flashbacks and each chapter will likely concentrate on a different character. Possibly even one or two for Last Rites.

Well that's all I got for now. It will likely be awhile before I add more to this story.

Sooooo...

Stay Tuned.