Author's Note

Yayz! Another chapter!!

Little Slivers of Life

I could no longer look into my mother's eyes, but merely watch as she wrapped bandages around my chest. It hurt to breath with this hole in my chest. The hole itself stang and ached, throbbing and burning. A few tears would find their way out of my eyes every few seconds, dripping down to the floor below. I've let everybody down. It hurt to see mom's eyes when she saw me...with the knife deep in my chest. The tip barely made its way out of my backside.

I just couldn't help it. Everybody and everything I loved are gone, whatever sanity and pride I had left had seeped away with the blood that leaked from my wound. It just seemed to be...the only cure...the only way to end the pain. How mother loves me still...I don't know. I'm just a burden on her life now. Because of my, dad is gone, she has to now work over time, and because of me...she's struggling. If only I hadn't of came home...if only the stab had killed me...she wouldn't have to worry anymore.

She helped me slip another shirt on, one not soaked with the blood of my failed suicide attempt. She raised my chin to look at her. I momentary glimpse showed me how stressed she was. She seemed on the verge of tears as another slipped from my right eye. I quickly looked away, staring down at the floor. Neither of us had said a thing yet. I closed my eyes, wishing I could just get away from all of this. In just three days...look at what's come of my life.

My mind was on replay. It happened over and over, I watched myself drive a knife through my own body. I thought that would have been it. I could be in heaven with my grandmother, but instead, I found myself watching my shirt become red as I sat on that tree trunk for a half hour at least. I had completely given up on everything. There's no apologizing for this. How could anybody forgive me? Now, a memory of seeing me alone, bleeding, impaled with a knife has been burned into my mother's brain.

Mother hugged me.

Mother cried.

She still loves me. I guess that's just one good thing among everything else. I remained still. I would return her hug and cries, but I've got no more tears to cry, nor do I feel I deserve her love. I felt like pushing her off...but I don't want her to hurt anymore. I've caused her more than enough pain by just being here. I wish I could just...disappear.

So, I stared up at the ceiling light which lit the bathroom rather well. Mother had cleaned up the mess I made with my screaming. What did I even do to deserve this sorrow? Did I do something so bad that Karma felt this was the only way to punish me? I wish I knew, but as of now...I knew nothing. I knew the simple fact I'd never see my love again. I knew my father might never return. I knew school was out of the question for me now. I'm stuck here.

As mother finishes her sobbing, she stand again, gazing into my eyes. I gazed down at my hands, covered in black fur.

I sighed lightly and moved past mother. I left the bathroom and trudged into my room where I closed the door and once again I flopped myself down onto my bed, facing the wall. I then pulled the covers over myself, rocking slightly. Tears continued streaming down my cheeks, wetting my pillow and bed sheet. I've become a freak, my life has become shit and there isn't a single thing I can do to fix it. What would even be the point in trying?

I sighed, curling up into a ball.

"I'm sorry, mommy..." I mumbled to myself, closing my eyes. "I'm so sorry..."

I shed another tear as I fell into sleep another ten or so minutes later.

*****

Next I woke up, I came to see the very familiar fog surrounding me and my bed. It was cold and I simply lay there, waiting for it to happen again. I don't care anymore. She can do what she wants. She can go fuck herself, mostly.

I roll over onto my right side staring at my hand. Or at least the hand I used to have. It stung me in the chest to see myself like this. I don't want to be depressed, but it's hard when I've lost everything dear to me. All I can do now is wait for one year to pass and maybe I'll get my life back. Who knows? Maybe I can forget my father aiming his gun at me, since that's what's killing me the most. Not only that, now I have to think about my mother's face when she saw me with a knife in me.

Restless now, I sat up against the headboard and fumbled and fiddled with my fingers. A few times out of boredom I smacked my lips. I'm trying to fight this, honestly. I mean...I even started to like my new body, but then Janice happened. Thanks to her, I hate myself all over again. I went to pet my chest, but silly me forgot I'm me in these dreams and I don't have fur. Oh well, no biggie.

The clopping of hooves sounded off short into the distance, slowly making their way to me. She's coming and I'll have to deal with her presence. Another rape? Maybe more trash talk and insults? I don't care. I just want to wake up.

I turned around momentarily to lift my pillow up, so it could rest on top of the headboard. Gently, I laid my head against it and turned back around. Sadly, she was there, about ten feet away. Only...she looked upset in a sad way. I merely watched her as she stood there for a few seconds. Slowly, she approached the right side of my bed, her gaze towards the floor as she sat down. She seemed to be taking slow, deep breaths, her ears flicking this way and that.

All was silent as she never turned to look at me. She only gazed down upon her hands.

I decided to break said silence.

"What do you want?" I asked rather firmly.

"To go back home...and apologize...for what I've done..." she said softly, mere milli seconds after I had finished. "And to apologize to you, Jake."

"Bullshit."

She turned and glared at me. "I'm serious!! It's killing me inside!"

"Heh. YOU think you're dying inside?! Try living through the shit you've done to me!!" I snapped, slamming a fist down on the bed.

"Or, maybe try being me and being banished on a bucking rock for a thousand years!!" she yelled right back, a tear fell from her right eye. She sighed heavily and slowly. "I am sorry, Jake! I truly am! And since I've been a part of you now, I see all and hear all you do! It's me Whoes caused you this pain and...I don't even know if I can fix it."

"That was your own mistake you were banished! I did nothing to deserve what you've done to me!"

"You don't think I know that?! Because of you...I've come to realize the error of my ways! I...I can't just...force the night or try and claim ultimate power of worlds like I wanted."

I rolled m pay eyes and crossed my arms. "You didn't think that when you took away my body."

Moon groaned. "I wasn't thinking then! I...I was jealous! Everypony would bask in the light of the sun every day, Jake! They all loved my sister's sun and it's bright and shining glory! But as night fell, they all slept! Just like you do! I...I wanted them to enjoy my night...to play and frolic, but they never did! Even now they sleep during the night! I...Luna...we became so jealous...mostly me...I took over her body and...kept her prisoner in her own mind."

"Go on."

"So...I battled Celestia...I lost of course because she used the elements of harmony on me, six items that when combined, they make the strongest power in Equestria. I was a fool to think my simple magic could best them. My foolishness led me to be a prisoner on my own moon."

"And you were there for a thousand years. Then what?"

She sighed. "I came back, still in a rage, thinking I might prevail, but then six ponies came along. They each came to bear the elements and they used them on me. It split me and Luna apart. She wasn't harmed, but I was nearly wiped from existence as I was flung across the galaxy. Then I found you. A strong...noble person. A kind heart, and a caring personality. I saw you as easy pickings. But it seems I was wrong. I've done you so much pain I can apologize all I want...but I can do nothing to show for it." Nightmare Moon slowly reached a hand out to me and laid it on my shoulder.

"You can choose to believe what you want, Jake...but I'm just so...so sorry!" she buried her face into my chest, wrapping her arms around me as she began to cry. It wasn't long before her tears soaked through my shirt. "You attempted suicide because of me! I knew there was no chance you'd die, but the general fact you gave up on living because of my arrogance is more than I can bear!"

I said nothing. I was truly shocked. Here she was, the cause to all my stress and pain, seeming to be a merciless villain is crying into me. I couldn't help it as I too began to mourn, wrapping my arms around her as well.

"I can say I'm sorry, but I will never ask you to forgive me. I expect you won't and that's fine...just..." she began to trail off.

"W-what?" I managed to respond through my sobs.

"Try and be strong...I don't want you to hurt anymore because of me...I've been too stupid to realize what I've been doing. You'd think after the longest jail time ever, one would learn from their mistakes...but not me...I have you to thank for helping me see the right way, Jake...I...Thank you." she says softly, tightening her hug.

Being me, I adjusted us both to be more comfortable, her laying half on top of me, her tail wrapped around my right leg, her arms and wings around me.

"You're welcome...I guess..."

"....Jake?" Nightmare Moon looks up at me, I wipe a tear from her cheek.

"Yeah?"

"I...I'm sorry...for...our last encounter. There is a chance you may become pregnant. You see...when an alicorn and a non alicorn go at it...there's a chance the non alicorn can have real life results. You are originally are human, and since you're female now...you know..."

"Yeah, I figured that."

"I want you to have the baby. If it happens. I couldn't possibly be a good mother. You on the other hand...you're kind and caring...it confuses me why you're holding me. But...if you do get pregnant..."

"We will have to come to terms and raise it. As much as I don't like you at the moment, I can't take your baby from you." I finished for her.

"Jake...that's the coldest...yet nicest thing anypony has ever said to me..."

I chuckled lightly. "I guess."

Nightmare Moon yawned heavily, laying her head back on my chest and closes her eyes. "Too comfy to move." she says quietly.

As angry as I am, her cuteness seemed to overpower my anger, and I held her closer, stroking her mane gently. Soon enough she'd fallen asleep on me, and I simply sat there, thinking.

Maybe I could text Janice and ask her to come over. If she even agrees to it. I could tell her it'll be a year and I'll change back, and maybe we could be together again. I could try and get dad to understand as well. It's just a year...why should I even be upset? I can go back to school then, and my life might possibly return to normal. The possibility of a baby as well now comes into play.

I looked at Moon, her mouth slightly open as she breathed lightly. She seemed rather content. She smiled lightly, and nuzzled my chest in her sleep. Maybe...maybe if things do go back to the way they were...I could forgive her. No doubt now she's really sorry for what she's done. If I do end up having a baby...we could raise and maybe this mare could become family even.

Why am I even considering this? Well, in a year, she'll leave my body, and I'll be me again. Why be upset about this body if it isn't permanent? It's causing all the problems, but after a year, Janice and dad might come back. I'm hoping and praying they do. If not...then I guess I'll just have to adjust to a life without her or a father. Janice...I might get over, but my dad? It'll hurt me for the rest of my life, but I'll have to accept it and move on.

In the end of it all, I at least want a baby. Strange as it may seem, the thought of it makes me smile.

I want to have a baby.