Twilight Sparkle Sprouts Wings

Chapters

Part 1: Mother of Celestia what is THAT!?
Part 2: What? No, I'm fine. Really. Really, I'M FINE!
Part 3: Zebrecan remedy my flank
Part 4: I- Uh- Wha? DISCORD!
Part 5: Am I... awkward?
Epilogue

Part 1: Mother of Celestia what is THAT!?

Twilight Sparkle was lying in her bed, snuggled up nice and warm, and dreaming of reading one of her favourite books. She had no idea what it said or what it was about but whatever it was it had her enthralled. She sat in her old spot in the middle of the old Ponyville Library, eagerly poring over each and every jumbled letter.

As she turned the page the edge caught her muzzle and tickled it ever so slightly. She sniffed and scratched it with a hoof, then turned the next page to continue reading. Again her nose tickled, and again she scratched it. Then a tiny white Pegasus with a yellow mane swooped in. It said something Twilight couldn’t understand, landed on her face, and began swatting her with its wings. This greatly perturbed Twilight, as she could no longer read her—what was it again?

Twilight’s eyes fluttered open for a split second. She caught glimpse of something purple in the edge of her vision, but deemed it too unimportant to disturb her royal slumber.

She turned over and tried to go back to sleep, trying her best to remember what that darned book was about, Was it a field manual on cabbages? No, that would be— She yawned, Silly... Twilight started to snore again.

The Pegasus was still there, only now Twilight knew her name was Surprise, which was rather fitting for how— suddenly, something light and feathery flicked across Twilight’s nose disturbing her. She sniffled and turned over in her sleep. The object moved, and its end caught in her nostril triggering a resounding sneeze that thoroughly shook the princess, and possibly even the rest of Ponyville, awake.

Now, Twilight Sparkle was fully awake. Her eyes uncrossed and came to focus on something purple and feathered protruding from the end of her snout. As she watched, it gave a weak flap and smacked her in the face.

“AHHHH!” Twilight screamed and fell out of bed, “Spike!” The covers followed suit and soon she was in the midst of a battle of wits between herself and the bedspread. Unfortunately, the bedspread was winning, “Spike, help!”

Spike came running into the room and rushed to help Twilight, “Hold on Twilight, I’ve got it!” He grabbed the corners of the sheets and began to pull.

“Ah! No!” The sheets tugged painfully at Twilight’s wings causing her to flail around all the harder, “Spike, stop! You’re going to pluck me!”

“Sorry! Sorry!” Spike gulped and jumped away from the heap, “What do I do?”

“Stand back!” Spike stepped back to a safe distance and watched as the thrashing under the sheets stopped. There was a flash of magic and Twilight Sparkle appeared next to the mound, free of its deadly embrace.

“Twilight, what’s going on?” He jumped to her side, “Is it Tirek? Discord?” Spike gasped as a new idea took hold, “Has Discord betrayed us and now we have to complete a gruelling series of challenges in order to escape the castle alive and find our friends before something terrible happens!?” Spike was almost screaming at this point. He grabbed Twilight by the withers and hugged her tight.

~ ~ ~

Meanwhile, somewhere very far away and far outside of our Princess’ hearing, a Draconequus snorted and picked up his notepad.

~ ~ ~

Twilight shook her head and patted Spike on the head, “No, no, and,” she raised an eyebrow, “...what?”

Spike blushed and averted his eyes, “... I might have written a fanfic or two.”

“...” Twilight wasn’t sure how to respond to this. Rather deciding to ignore it, she continued to the matter at hoof, “Look!” She pointed frantically to the odd growth on her face.

Spike squinted, and looked closely at Twilight’s muzzle. She leaned down closer for him to see and Spike squinted even more, “Pfff—” he slapped a hand over his mouth.

Right there, just above the right nostril, sat a cute little purple appendage usually reserved to ones back, a tiny little wing poking out and hanging in front of Twilight’s frowning mouth, “Pff—” Spike couldn’t take it any longer. After a long enough while of holding it in, he finally cracked, “Ha- hahaha!” He toppled over clutching at his sides.

Twilight scrunched her nose, “... it’s not funny,” she pouted.

“I- It’s t- ha- totally hilarious, Twilight!” Spike could barely breathe, “You h-have a tiny wing. On your- on your—” He was doubled over by another fit of laughter.

Twilight wasn’t amused. She lit her horn and bid the bedroom doors open and levitated the still giddy dragon onto her back.

She gave him a glare that stopped Spike’s laughs in its tracks, “Heh,” Spike coughed, “Sorry,” and blushed under her glare.

“Now that you’re done,” Twilight scolded, “We can focus on finding a cure for this.”

“Right, anything you say, Twilight,” Spike covered his mouth to hide the snickers as the two set off for the library.

~ ~ ~

“I still don’t see what the big deal is. It’s a wing. So what? I think it’s cute.” Spike was teetering precariously at the top of a ladder with several books, some balanced in a stack on the tip of his tail, and three more in his right claw. He was reaching out with his left to try and grab a large purple book from the top shelf.

Twilight Sparkle was sat at her desk in the middle of the castle library, her nose stuck into the latest of a long line of tomes—several of which stacked high around her—“Think about it,” she spoke up, not tearing her eyes away from the dusty old paper. Her horn glowed and the book turned a page, and she jumped right to skimming the next line of words, “What if it doesn’t stop at only one?” The page turned again, a slight crease forming across Twilight’s head, “What if it gets bigger, or starts spreading?” Twilight gasped, her eyes growing wide. She tore herself away from the page to speak to nopony in particular, “What if it’s contagious and I—Ah—“

Twilight’s sudden inhale followed by an abrupt silence, peeked Spike’s interest. Wobbling slightly on his perch, he tilted an ear back to Twilight, “What if you what?” Spike asked over his shoulder. He was almost to his objective, his claws extended all the way, inches from gripping the purple book before him.

“AH” Twilight inhaled sharply again, leaning backwards in her seat. Spike was getting worried.

“Um, Twilight?” He turned around to see what Twilight was doing and was just beginning to climb down from his ladder when—

ACHOOO

Twilight sneezed, knocking all the books off her desk and almost giving Spike a heart attack. He dropped all his books and wobbled on the top of his ladder for a moment, holding his breath and praying he wouldn’t fall. Then, just when it was looking like he was beginning to regain his balance, Twilight sneezed again and he too came crashing down.

“Uh...” Spike groaned. He was dazed, but luckily the books had broken his fall, “Bless you?”

“Thanks,” Twilight sniffled and wiped her nose with a fetlock, then levitated the stack of books back onto her desk, “That’s another point. This thing keeps making me-” Achoo Her body was shook by another sneeze and the books went tumbling back to the ground.

“Sneeze?” Spike completed her sentence for her as he tried to roll off of the pile of books.

Twilight simply nodded, “Yeah, that.”

“Well,” finally getting back to his feet, Spike waddled away from the shelf and back into the main area of the library, “Maybe you should, you know,” he shrugged, “Go see Princess Celestia.”

“Go see—” Twilight was taken aback, hiding her gasp with her hooves. “No!” She shouted in protest, making the wing in front of her face flutter on the back of her words, “I can’t show her this!” Twilight motioned with a hoof around her face, “What would she think of me? I’d be a laughing stock!”

“No,” She huffed, resolute, “Nopony can see me whilst I’m like this. I have to fix this myself.”

“Well,” Spike’s brow furrowed as he searched for another option. At length, he spoke, “Why don’t you go to the doctor then?”

“The doctor?”

Twilight looked up in time to see Spike run over to her desk. He went about picking up the books she had blown away and set them back beside her on the desk, “Yeah, I mean, he’s supposed to know about this stuff, shouldn’t he?”

“Yeah, bu—”

“And you should get a professional opinion on whatever this is before you go doing something rash, right?”

“Hm,” Twilight thought on this for a moment. She did have a history of jumping to conclusions.

“Um,” Spike coughed, breaking the momentary lapse in silence, “Is that a bad idea?”

“Oh, yes,” Twilight blinked, and nodded enthusiastically, “That’s a great idea, Spike!” She patted him on the head, “That is the responsible thing to do,” Spike was really starting to mature. Twilight made a mental note to reward him with something nice, maybe a couple sapphires or rubies from Rarity’s boutique. But that would have to wait. She got up and headed for the exit, “I’ll go see Dr. Horse. I’ll be back in about an hour.”

Twilight waved goodbye. There was a quick, “And thanks, Spike!” followed shortly after by the sound of the library doors slamming shut.

Spike, left all alone, glanced around at the piles of books strewn around the empty library. “... I’ll just stay here and organise the books then,” he grumbled to himself.

“Sounds like a plan!” Twilight’s voice echoed back, followed by a dustpan and broom appearing above Spike in a flash, and then the sound of the library doors slamming shut again.

Spike had only a moment to think before he had to catch the dustpan and broom. The broom was easily caught, but the dustpan was not so much. It bounced off Spike’s head and clattered to the floor behind him. Spike fumed, “I was being sarcastic!” He shouted back, but when no answer came; Spike settled to his chore and began sweeping, I can’t believe I gave up being the Dragon Lord for... this.

~ ~ ~

Twilight crossed the foyer and was about to push the front door open when something suddenly occurred to her. She paused and glanced at her reflection in the crystal walls of the castle, noting the tiny wing hanging loosely in front of her face. She could have sworn it had grown, but Twilight discarded that idea as preposterous. She had to admit, it did look ridiculous.

“I can’t possibly show my face out there like this,” as if just to unnerve her, the tiny wing gave a weak flap. It slapped her in the face and then hang limp again. It swung in front of her nose in the breeze, tickling it and almost making her sneeze, almost. This time Twilight was prepared. To keep from shaking the castle foundations she used her— previously criticised as useless by her Undergrad lecturer— sneeze stopping spell. Hah, take that, Professor Peachy Bottom.

She poked her nose with a hoof, “I need some way to hide this,” and turned the wing over in her magic, “I’m going to need a disguise...”

~ ~ ~

SLAM

The room rattled as the front door slammed open. A bell rung somewhere above the entrance and everypony in the room, consisting of roughly five stallions, two mares, and a pink angst-ridden teen thick with piercings everywhere but on her ears, looked up to find a purple mare that was obviously not Princess Twilight Sparkle in a fake brown moustache, a very dashing-looking fake brown moustache one might add.

The moustachioed – Not— Princess Twilight Sparkle stood in the entrance breathing heavily, “I need—” She gasped, “To see— the doctor. It’s an emergency!”

“The doctor is very busy,” a monotone voice answered back. A white mare, the secretary, was currently lounging in her office chair behind the front desk with a magazine in her hoof. She turned a page as she spoke, “Please take a number and wait in line. You will be serviced shortly.” She seemed to be reciting a script, not even bothering to correct her grammar, as she lazily flicked her right hoof towards a ticket roll mounted on the corner of her desk.

“Oh,” Twilight’s ears drooped. She felt her cheeks burning behind the moustache and made an attempt to hide her embarrassment in her mane as she crossed the room to retrieve a ticket.

A pink slip pulled off the dispenser and levitated over to Twilight’s waiting hoof. She then dimmed her horn and turned to take a seat next to the angst-ridden teen.

As Twilight passed the desk, the secretary took a moment to glance up, “Princess Twilight!” She jumped to her hooves, tossing the magazine aside and knocking her seat over in the process, “I’m so sorry; please, go right ahead!” She motioned to the Doctor’s door, “Royalty always has an appointment here!”

Twilight was now the centre of attention for several irritated glares around the room, one in particularly was exceptionally sharp: the mother of the teen, “Oh, no, I don’t mean to intrude—” Twilight tried to wave it off but was stopped by the secretary running to her side and grabbing her by the hoof.

“I insist!” She was already practically shoving Twilight past the desk. Twilight glanced back over her shoulder and, spying the disapproving glares of the other patients, mouthed a silent I’m sorry before being shoved through and into the doctor’s office.

~ ~ ~

Letting the door close silently behind her, Twilight stepped further into the examining room, “Doctor? I need your help,” Twilight began, “I have this thing on my face an-”

“Hey, Twilight!” Instead of the usual doctor, Dr Horse, Twilight was taken aback to find Pinkie Pie sitting behind his desk, with a white lab coat and stethoscope. She jumped up from where she was sitting and rounded his table to greet the mare, “How can I- Oh my gosh!” Pinkie gasped mid sentence. Her mouth dropped agape as she beheld Twilight, “... that moustache is fabulous!”

“What?” Twilight frowned and squinted to look at her snout. Realising she was still wearing the fake moustache, she shook it off, and tossed the dashing piece of facial hair to the side where it would likely come to rest somewhere on the floor, “No, Pinkie, what’s going on? Where is Dr Horse?”

“Oh, he’s not feeling well, so I’m filling in for him for the day.”

“But-“

“So what’s the problem?” Pinkie was completely serious, or as serious as Pinkie Pie can be, as she pulled out her stethoscope, set the earpieces in her ears and began inspecting Twilight. “Hm...” She listened to her heart, then moved the stethoscope and listened again. “Hm...hm.”

“Pinkie, it’s-”

“No, no, don’t tell me,” she moved the stethoscope again and mumbled something unintelligible to herself. Finally, settling on a spot at the side of Twilight’s head, “Hmm...” Pinkie nodded to herself and sat back, returning the stethoscope to its home hanging around her neck. “Yup, you appear to have a pair of wings on your face.”

Twilight facehoofed, “I know that, I want to know how t—” She stopped and glared at the grinning mare, “Did you say a pair of wings?”

“Eeyup,” Pinkie nodded, “Rather nice ones too.”

“But there was only one when I left home this morning!” She grabbed Pinkie by the withers and shook her, eliciting a kind of jingling sound from the mare.

Twilight could feel herself hyperventilating already. She let Pinkie go and trotted to the examining table, leaning against it for support. She clasped a hoof to her chest and began doing her breathing exercises, “Well...” Pinkie tapped her chin with a tongue depressor, “Have you done anything ‘wing related’ lately?”

Twilight took one look at Pinkie, and not without stopping her breathing exercises—or rather they became even more intense— she spread her wings, the ones on her back, and pointed wordlessly.

“...Right”

“So are you going to get rid of them or what?” At this point Twilight’s patience was beginning to wear thin.

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Twi. Maybe if you sent a letter to Princess Celestia she could...” Pinkie twirled a hoof in the air, “Take them back?”

“What?” There was a beat of silence as she stared at Pinkie in confusion.

Then, realising what Pinkie meant, Twilight facehoofed again and shook her head, “No! Not those!” She pointed to the wings on her muzzle, “These”

“Oh!” Pinkie Pie rushed over to Dr Horse’s desk and pulled open the top drawer, “Well, technically, I’m not allowed to do amputations,” she dug around for a moment and turned around with a large hacksaw and drill, “... ever since that spaghetti incident in college but, if you’re giving me permission, I can...”

~ ~ ~

Spike was standing in the kitchen, wearing a chef’s hat and apron that read ‘Kiss the Dragon’ whilst he attended to his bowl of mixing ingredients. There was a recipe book leaning against the wall to which he made frequent reference. Owluicious watched silently from one of the shelves as Spike dumped a mixed bag of gems into the bowl. He then glanced to the recipe book and, following the directions, added five more rubies to the mix.

There was the sound of a door slamming from the foyer and Twilight’s voice called out, “Spike? Are you here?”

“Twilight!” Spike shouted excitedly, and jumped down from the stool and ran out to meet her, “You’re back!”

Spike came waddling out from the kitchen. He stopped in front of the princess and looked up to her hopefully, “So how did it go?”

“Terrible,” Was all she could say, and the dragon’s face dropped, “Apparently, Dr Horse is off sick, and I got Pinkie Pie instead.”

Spike scratched his head, “Wait, Pinkie’s a doctor?”

“Apparently, though I’d question the integrity of any institution that would even consider granting one to her.” Twilight peeled the moustache off her face and levitated it down to the dragon, “Here’s your moustache back.”

“Eduardo!” Spike was ecstatic as he grabbed the moustache – “thanks, I was wondering where this went!”— And stuck it to his upper lip. He looked up to Twilight, twirling the one end with a claw and bobbing his eyebrows in his best attempt at a Casanova interpretation, “So, how do I look?”

Twilight facehoofed— something that she seemed to be doing an awful lot of lately. “Don’t do that, Spike.”

“Sorry,” Spike apologised and removed the moustache, and stuck it into a side pocket on his apron, “So what now?”

“I’m going back to the library. I think there was a bunch of medical books I missed in the back.” Twilight trotted past and headed for the back. Spike watched with a look of concern as she trotted to the back passage, opened the nearest door on her left, and stepped through it.

“Uh... Broom closet!” Spike shouted after.

Moments later, Twilight stumbled back out to the loud clanging of a bucket and mop. “Sorry, sorry! I totally meant to do that!” and grabbed a bucket in her telekinesis, “I, uh, might need this!” Twilight’s grin spread unusually wide as she closed the door and took the bucket with her through another door on the right.

“... right,” Spike rolled his eyes.

Part 2: What? No, I'm fine. Really. Really, I'M FINE!

The Mane Six, minus one, were all gathered around the map table waiting for Princess Twilight Sparkle to show up.

Spike was in his usual place, next to Twilight’s throne, doing his best to look inconspicuous whilst Applejack fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat and Rainbow Dash hovered silently above her own. Fluttershy was in her place, busying herself with her mane, and Pinkie Pie was engrossed in the map, blowing raspberries at a holographic version of her as she did holographic cartwheels outside a holographic, slightly crushed, Pie Rock Farm.

“So, uh,” Rainbow Dash finally broke the silence, “where is Twilight? I thought she was going to be here.” She lowered herself into her throne as she looked between the other ponies at the table.

“Mhm,” Applejack nodded. She crossed her hooves and leaned back in her seat, “I’m all for these ‘emergency meetings’ but Ah have work to do. Ah can’t afford waiting around for ponies to show up.”

“D- Don’t worry,” Spike coughed, nervously glancing from side to side, “She’ll be here! She’s just... running a little late!”

“I certainly hope so, Spike.” Rarity crossed the room and sat down next to Rainbow Dash, “It’s already been an hour and a half, and I certainly cannot wait here the entire day. I have orders to complete.”

“Um— yeah,” Fluttershy cowered behind her mane making herself as small in her seat as possible. She was perfectly content on having the narrator make her appearance known for her, and decided not to mention the herd of wild timbercubs she had been taking care of when Spike’s letter had arrived. She also did not add in that they would probably be causing a tiny bit of trouble, left all alone in her cottage, with only Angel Bunny in charge.

After another brief, awkward silence, Spike pushed his seat back and pointed over his shoulder, “I think I’ll...” he hastily jumped to the ground and crept backwards towards the exit – “...go see what’s taking Twi so long.”

All the Mane Five nodded and watched as Spike waddled out of the room, turned left, and disappeared up the passage. After a couple minutes of silence, Spike’s pleading voice was heard echoing down the passage, “Twilight, come oooon!” making everypony perk up.

“Spike, I’m busy.”

“Come ooooooooon!” Both Rainbow Dash and Applejack shared a glance. There were some more muffled sounds, and whispers that they couldn’t make out. Then a book slammed down making Rarity jump, and Twilight’s voice echoed again, “... okay, fine!” This time a little more flustered. There was a door slam, and the clopping of hooves as somepony came trotting their way.

Spike waddled back into the room first and leapt into his seat with a wide grin. He glanced around the room, then averted his eyes and resumed trying not to look suspicious.

Moments later the door handle clicked and flew open, and Twilight Sparkle cantered into the room, “Okay, Spike,” She had her head held high, not paying much attention as she strolled past the entranceway, “What. Did. You...” She froze mid canter, her face suddenly going pale, and was overtaken by a deep blush as she recognised the ponies in the room.

“Woah nelly!” Applejack exclaimed and almost fell out of her seat.

“Pfff-” Rainbow Dash sprayed spittle across the table and did fall out of her seat, “Ahahaha!” She laid clutching her side and kicking on the floor, and the occasional throaty snort was heard between her roars of laughter.

Rarity stared with her mouth agape, and Fluttershy simply cowered below the table hiding her own blush. Pinkie Pie didn’t seem to care either way. She gave Twilight a friendly wave, and resumed marshalling her troops across the map.

Twilight remained frozen in the doorway, unable to move or say anything. The pair of wings on her nose still flapped freely in the breeze, on show for anypony to see. More notably was that they seemed to be even bigger. Not as big as her Alicorn wings but still comparable to those of a young Pegasus.

She had also developed a few new additions. Several still tiny wings hung from either side of her face, just below the cheeks, and each ear was capped off with their own fuzzy little additions.

In short, she looked ridiculous.

“... spike...” Twilight spoke in little more than a whisper. Her eyes darted across the room, searching for the young drake. She could feel herself slowly hyperventilating as her fear turned to panic. Twilight steadied herself against the doorway, “Spike?” She repeated slightly louder.

Spike, for the most part, slumped lower in his seat trying to make himself as small as possible, “Spike!” Twilight’s voice came again, this time shouting and sounding particularly upset, and the mare came stomping around the back of his chair.

“Now hold on, Twilight,” Spike made a move to get out of his seat, “I can ex—” but was caught off guard when a magenta glow came over his entire body, and he was levitated clear of the chair and held up to face Twilight’s enraged scowl.

“Why are they here,” she seethed and turned Spike round to face the table full of wide-eyed ponies. Rainbow Dash who had just pulled herself off the floor and was still wiping the tears from her eyes as she returned to her seat, caught another glimpse of Twilight and collapsed once again to the ground belting out another string of laughter.

Twilight continued regardless, “Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is!?” She shouted furiously, “I told you I didn’t want anypony to see me like this, especially not anypony I know”—

“But Twilight—”

“No buts Spike!” She leered at Spike, their faces almost touching, “You’re grounded, I’m going back to my reading, you’re going to your room,” Twilight waved to the rest of the Mane Six, “and they are—”

“Now hold on here, Twilight,” Applejack pushed her seat away to stand as she interrupted the Princess’ tirade, “Now ah’m sure the little guy must have had some reason to call all of us together like this, ah think it’s only fair ya hear him out.”

“Quite true,” Rarity shook off her daze and ran a hoof through her mane to get it back into its normal fabulous order. She got up and trotted around Twilight, “And by the looks of... whatever this is,” she motioned to the largest of the wings, “You are in desperate need of assistance.”

“Y- Yes” Spike nodded quickly, “Exactly.” And puffed out his chest, having gained an extra vote of confidence, “Twilight, I was worried. You’ve been locked up in the library for a week now, you’ve hardly eaten or seen anypony other than me, and every time I do see you it seems like it’s only gotten worse.”

“Come on, Twilight, we’re worried about you,” Rarity continued and Twilight felt a hoof resting on her shoulder. She turned to find Fluttershy at her side, looking to her with pleading eyes and a pout that could melt any stallion’s heart, “We’re your friends and we’re here to help.”

A loud snort resounded from below the table, reminding them that Rainbow Dash was still present. Rarity gave an icy glare to where she presumed the Pegasus would still be rolling around clutching at her sides, and added, “Well, most of us at least.”

Applejack tipped her hat and motioned to Twilight’s empty seat across the table, “Come on now, least you could do is tell us what ya did t’ get like this.”

“...okay,” Twilight relented and allowed Rarity and Fluttershy to lead her over to her seat.

She waited for Rarity to sit down next to her then took a deep breath and lit her horn. Several of the wings twitched, and a small notepad appeared on the table in front of her. Then, with another twirl of her magic, and another twitch of her wings, Twilight flipped through it until she found her notes from earlier.

She cleared her throat and began listing off each of the items in order, “I’ve tried a magical salve from the bark of the magical rutabaga plant, magical ointment, magical pore cleansing soap, a magical mystery cure, magic tonic,” Twilight paused to take a deep breath and turned the page.

Rainbow Dash, who had for the most part gotten over her initial reaction, now sat next to Pinkie Pie sharing a glance with raised eyebrows.

Twilight continued, “I tried a skin relief spell, a banishment spell, a transmutation spell, Oakden’s Hammer of Healing, Starswitl’s Cloak of Immense Relief,” Twilight stopped herself, looking up from the list to offer a quick explanation, “Not to be confused with Starswirl’s Cloak of Immense Pain – believe me, you don’t want to mix those up.” She cast a serious looked around the table, giving Spike and Pinkie extra attention, then returned to her list, “and a modified transportation spell.” She snapped the book shut, “Of course none of it worked, and the transportation spell only sent them to other parts of my body.”

“... Ookay,” Applejack huffed and removed her hat to fan herself. She leaned forward, setting the Stetson down on the table in front of her and glared at Twilight with a raised eyebrow, “Here’s an idea, have ya tried, ya know,” She twirled a hoof in the air, “Not doin’ magic?”

Twilight blinked, “Why would I do that?”

“Darling, it seems like everything you’ve tried somehow involves magic of some kind, and has any of it actually helped?”

“Well,” Twilight bit a hoof, “not really, no. Most of them just made it worse.”

“Then it’s settled.” Applejack thumped her hoof against the map table, upsetting Pinkie’s troops, “Meet me in an hour at t’ barn an’ ah can fix ya up with an old-fashioned family remedy, deal?”

“Deal”

~ ~ ~

A loud banging sounded throughout the barn calling Applejack away from her work. She left Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh to finish with the vat in the back and trotted to the front to open the door.

Wrapping her hooves around the massive wooden crossbeam, she tossed that aside, unlatched the door, and cracked it open, “Okay, Twi,” she began as she pushed the door out of the way, “ya can come on...”— Applejack trailed off as she looked around outside.

“... In,” Applejack frowned. There was nopony there.

All she could see were the apple trees in the distance, Big Mac’s dirty plough still sitting, rusting, in the driveway—Dangnabit, Mac, ya got to put that thing away, and the filly scout stand out front, where Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were still selling apple-ade. Well, technically it was Apple Cider with about ten pounds of sugar added, but she didn’t have the heart to ruin their ‘entire pol-neurial’ vision.

And, looking to her right, she could see the farm house still quiet as ever. The only sound she heard from there were the occasional squeaking of Granny Smith’s sleeping joints as she rode her rocking chair out front.

“Hm,” Applejack’s ear flicked, “Strange,” and she began to close the door.

There was loud a bump, “Ow!” and a pained howl as the door shuddered against something solid. A tiny clawed foot poked through the base of the gap, stopping it from closing all the way.

“Oh!” Applejack facehoofed and opened the door back up. Looked outside again, she turned her attention to the ground directly in front of here where a lone drake stood, his arms crossed and his chest puffed out. Spike glared up at her with an icy cold expression, “Sorry, Spike. Ah didn’t see you there,” She blushed, and stepped aside to let him inside.

Spike trudged past her and into the barn, wordlessly, and Applejack glanced one more time outside before closing the door and turning to ask spike, “So... Where’s Twi?”

“Give her a second,” Spike rolled his eyes and began counting on his fingers, “In Five, Four, Three, Two...”

“What are ya--?” Applejack was cut off by a bright flash. She was knocked back a step and wobbled on her feet as she blinked the spots away from her vision. When she looked back there was a purple bearded mare standing next to her, wrapped from head to hoof in a thick black trench coat, Edwardo—Spike’s moustache— an over the top curly wig, and, to top it all off, a pair of black shades eclipsing most of her face.

It took a while for Applejack to recognise her under the disguise, but once she did, it was unmistakeable, “... Twilight?”

“Let’s get this over with,” Twilight said, and began removing the disguise. The wig and ridiculous glasses were the first to go, pulled off by a magenta aura and tossed to the side for Spike to catch, revealing Twilight’s now slightly more be-winged face.

Somehow wings on her ears had multiplied, making them look puffier, and more fuzzy. Once Edwardo was removed, Applejack also realised the beard wasn’t a beard at all, but rather five wings all tied up together giving the appearance of a beard, “Uh... Twilight?” Applejack deadpanned, “Have ya been using yer magic?”

“Only a little.” Twilight said, still preoccupied with removing her trenchcoat. She undid the buttons with her magic and she had levitated it up and over her head, but still had several wings snagged on the collar, including her Alicorn wings, “Spike, can you help me with this?”

“Sure thing!” Spike dropped the other items and rushed to help Twilight pull the coat the rest of the way off.

Applejack simple watched in silent disbelief, “... and did ya just teleport all the way in here from yer castle?”

“I did,” Twilight’s muffled voice. The trench coat suddenly pulled loose leaving Spike to stumble away from her, trip over the bundle of items from before, and fall backwards with the trench coat laid on top of him. She turned around with a slight smile and nodded to Applejack, “I didn’t want to take any chances of anypony seeing me on the way over here.”

“So ya teleported and wore a disguise?”

“Of course! Always need to have a backup plan.”

Applejack facehoofed, “All right, I give,” she turned and trotted around the Dragon-shaped mound of cotton and waved for Twilight to follow her to the back. She led them to a dimly lit corner of the barn, where the dirt and hay cleared slightly to give a cleaner working space. There was a workbench to the right, which Twilight leaned against whilst she watched Applejack work, and a multiple shelves lining the walls to the left.

Applejack pulled out an old stool from under the bench and set it down closer to the wall, then jumped atop and user her forelegs as support as she nuzzled through the row of items. “What are we looking for?” Spike joined the group, stopping beside Twilight and mirroring her in staring at Applejack with a confused expression.

“Hold yer horses,” Applejack said, “Ya’ll see in a—Aha!” Applejack exclaimed and pulled glass jar from the shelf. She jumped down from her perch and brought it over for Twilight to see, holding it high with a grin on her face. “Now this here”— she pointed to the jar, showing off the brown liquid that sloshed around inside—“Is a special family recipe. It mainly consists of vinegar, smidgen of barly, some zap apples, a pinch of garlic, and a while lotta Granny Smith’s secret ingredient.” She added a wink on top of that last one.

“Love?” Spike offered.

“Eenope, though it does have plenty ah that, I’m sure.”

“Well...” Twilight eyed the bottle, “What is the secret ingredient?” She reached out a hoof to touch the jar, but Applejack quickly jerked it out of her reach.

Tossing it to her other hoof, Applejack balanced it on her frog as she held it away from Twilight, “Nah ah,” Applejack shook a hoof, “Ain’t much of a secret if ah told ya, right?”

“I... suppose,” Twilight rolled her eyes, “So how does it work then? Do I have to eat it?”

“Ew,” Applejack grimaced, seeming to gag as she stuck out her tongue, “Now don’t ya be gross, Twilight. This here’s not an eatin’ type ah medicine.”

“I hope I’m not going to have to rub this into Twilight’s fur,” Spike commented, only to be met with odd looks from Twilight.

“Eh,” Applejack said, drawing attention back to her. Twilight and Spike watched in silence as Applejack seemed to be fighting with herself on what to say next. She did a so-so gesture with her hoof, “Sort ‘a.”

~ ~ ~

There was a light knock at the door. So light, in fact, that everypony was taken by surprise when it cracked open and Fluttershy’s head poked inside, “Hello?” She whispered, and pushed slightly further into the barn, “Twilight, are you in here?”

“Fluttershy! No, don’t co— Omf,” Twilight’s voice was heard in the back, however it was quickly cut off by a bout of sloshing and Applejack’s reprimanding voice.

“Now stop yer squirming, Twilight.”

This was followed up by the distinct noise of Spike snickering. Fluttershy could not see either of the ponies, so she decided to head inside anyway.

She pushed the barn door open and strutted fully into the barn. A zebra trotted after, carrying with her a set of saddlebags and a satchel slung around her neck, “Um,” Fluttershy spoke up. She stalked through the barn, following the loud sloshing, “Zecora’s here. I thought maybe she could—” Fluttershy rounded a large stack of hay bales and stopped stone cold. “Eep,” was all she could say, her eyes wide as dinner plates.

“Fluttershy? Where have you gone? Where is your friend so that I mi—Holy—” Zecora appeared next to Fluttershy, slapping a hoof over her mouth as she eyed the scene.

Between the bales of hay stood a large vat, the one they used for crushing berries in the Sisterhooves Social, though this time it was being used for something very different. Twilight was sat in the middle of it, neck deep in some kind of green sludge whilst Apple Bloom and Big Mac stood around the sides, wearing gloves and eye-protectors, as they stirred the vat with two oversized wooden spoons.

Applejack was there too, stood on the left atop a wooden step ladder. She was using her own spoon to scoop the sludge and drench it over Twilight’s head. “Oh, hey Fluttershy,” noticing the wide-eyed Pegasus standing before them, Applejack looked up and gave a friendly wave.

Apple Bloom waved as well, which Fluttershy returned with a smile. Applejack wobbled atop her perch for a moment, before steadying herself and joining stirring, “Heh, don’t you mind us. We’re just finishing up in here.”

Twilight’s voice came muffled from under the pile of sludge, though nopony could tell what she meant.

“Um, that didn’t rhyme,” Applejack pointed out, “Is everything okay?”

“O- Oh yes,” Zecora shook off her shock, stuttering slightly as she regained her pacing, “I was merely given quite the fright.” She stepped up to the vat and arched her neck to look over the side, “Now tell me, Twilight: what is your plight?”

The brown mass of sludge sighed, reserved to this as her life, “It’s these darn wings.” Twilight shook off the caking of sludge revealing the mass of feathers hanging from her face.

Zecora nodded. She dipped a hoof in the sludge and gave it a quick sniff, immediately recoiling at the strong stench of garlic, “No, no, no, this goo will never do.” She flicked the dollop off back into the vat and stepped down to begin removing her saddlebags.

“Ah beg yer pardon?” Applejack raised an eyebrow, “I’ll have ya know that this is a tried an’ tested, never failed solution. It’s been in the family for generations and has been used to cure all kind of illnesses.”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac added.

“Oh no, I would not dare, my dear mare, to put your family’s reputation to such despair.” Pulling the satchel off from her neck, Zecora hoofed it over for Fluttershy to hold and began digging into her saddlebags proper, “I simply mean to say, though good for aches and sprains, a topical cure such is this will never cure this mare’s pain. For that we need”— she whipped out a small bottle, about the size of a hoof, and held it up for all to see – “a Zebrecan Remedy.”

Author's Note

Dirty plough sounds rather terrible if you say it out loud. :applejackunsure:

Part 3: Zebrecan remedy my flank

Silence fell across the barn, the only sound that of the bubbling mixture and Twilight’s pained meek meep as she held back the urge to shiver. Drips of the sludge were seeping out from her mane and dripping in front of her face. One particular rivulet had her rapt attention; her eyes crossing as it slowly crept out from behind her horn, and right down the middle of her forehead.

Big Mac and Apple Bloom stood around the back of the vat, holding their paddles in their hooves, watching eagerly for Applejack’s response.

The farm mare leaned over the edge of the vat, resting her hooves on the edge as she eyed the tiny bottle held between Zecora’s hooves, “That tiny little thang?” She sounded unconvinced, “Ah don’t see how it makes any difference that Twilight bathes in your remedy more than mine.”

Zecora laughed, “Now don’t be silly. A bottle this small would not be enough for even a filly.” Twisting the cork of the bottle, she pulled it open with a loud pop, and grabbed a cup from inside her saddlebags. “Now, I recommend that you bring Twilight out from the brink, so that she might come to take my solution to drink.”

~ ~ ~

After a good ten minutes of fishing Twilight out of the ‘Apple Family Remedy’, and then another ten minutes of getting the remedy out of Twilight, they finally had her cleaned up and sat upright in front of the workbench from earlier. Twilight sniffled and pulled the towel closer around her. Somehow, she hadn’t realised how cold the barn could be.

Though, that may just be her than anything else. She cast a glare to the side, where Applejack stood leaned against the pole with her Stetson pulled low in front of her eyes and her foreleg crossed over each other as the mare dozed. “... I could have done it myself, you know.” Twilight deadpanned.

There was a faint snort from under the Stetson and Applejack tipped it up to look over to Twilight, “Ah know. Just the hose was a might faster.”

“And I have to admit,” Spike gave a faint chuckle from behind her, “it was a lot of fun getting to spray you, Twilight,” he sat with his legs dangling off the edge, near the very top of the stack of hay bales where he could get a clear view of everything—and was far enough out of Twilight’s reach. He kicked his legs playfully.

“Ah, here we go,” Zecora exclaimed. She came trotting around the desk, depositing a wooden cup in front of Twilight. Then, taking the small bottle in her mouth, she uncorked it and poured the milky liquid into the cup.

Twilight watched as the cup filled up to half way, noting how the solution seemed to dribble slightly and form darker swirls in its depths. Zecora then brought out another bottle and filled the rest of the cup with water.

“Now, hurry my dear mare,” Zecora set the second bottle down on the table, “Drink it up and keep down what you can bare, and I assure you this affliction will be no more than a mere nightmare.”

She pushed the cup closer and Twilight looked down into the drink, not quite sure of herself. It swirled slightly, and as she watched she could see a small bubble rise to the surface and break her—rather feathery—reflection.

Twilight gulped, “D—Do I have to?—” She shook her head, “Actually, suddenly I remember there was book in my library that I think...” She made a move to get up, but was quickly pressed back down into her seat.

Zecora’s face turned down into a scowl, “If you wish to cure this curse, then I recommend that you stay your course.”

Twilight gulped again, harder and looked between Applejack, Spike, and Fluttershy—who was sat quietly in the back cradling Zecora’s satchel in her hooves. Only the latter seemed to show any signs of encouragement. Where Spike and Applejack simply stared back, one eating popcorn and the other hiding behind her hat, Fluttershy, upon noticing Twilight’s gaze, gave her a smile and mini ‘you can do it’ air hoof bump.

With a sigh, Twilight turned back to the cup in front of her, resigned to her duty. She pursed her lips, lit her horn, and was about to begin levitating her cup when Zecora spoke sharply, “Beware, Princess Sparkle. Do not use your magic lest the potion will surely turn tragic.”

Twilight huffed and switched to using her hooves, grabbing the cup and holding it up in front of her. She squeezed her eyes closed and took a long sip. It was thick and sour, and left a tingling sensation all the way down.

Everypony watched in silence as Twilight gulped down the liquid little bit at a time, only pausing to take a breath. Finally, with a gasp, Twilight slammed the empty cup down in front of her, “Eugh,” a shiver ran up her spine.

“...So?” she heard spike ask somewhere behind her through a mouth full of popcorn, “How wash it?”

Twilight looked to her side. Most of the ponies in the room had come closer, crowding around the table watching her keenly for any changes. Her eyes dragged from Zecora on her left with Applejack giving her a dirty a look, to Fluttershy on her right, hugging Zecora’s satchel.

“It’s—” Twilight’s words caught in her throat, a faint belch escaping her lips. She pressed a hoof to her mouth feeling the potion coming back up. There was another moment of Twilight’s gurgling before she forced it back down and continued to answer Spike’s question, “...gooey.”

“Treesap from the palms that sway,” Zecora offered, her eyes not leaving Twilight as she kept her distance, “They have been known to keep most any illness at bay.”

“Hm...” Twilight frowned, “so how long before it—” a hiccup interrupted Twilight, almost knocking her from her seat. She braced herself against the table as a strange tickling sensation began to spread from the base of her horn.

She felt a slight warming behind her cheeks and saw Zecora take a step backwards out of the corner of her eye. She was about to say something more when her entire face convulsed. A shiver ran up her spine, energizing her entire body and making her fur stand on end.

From Spike’s perspective, at the back of the barn, Twilight seemed to be trembling like a bowl of jelly, her face contorting in all manner of ways, and her wings rising to full mast as she struggled to keep her footing against the table.

Applejack looked on with a face of silent concern, yet a raised eyebrow of keen interest. Glancing to her side, Zecora stood beside her, watching with a confident smile.

Twilight contorted one last time, now with all of her wings standing on end. Then, with a loud sucking noise, the wings on her face retracted back and vanished beneath her skin, giving Twilight that one final kick she needed to send her flying backwards off her seat.

She lay there for a long while, breathing and staring up at the darkened rafters of the barn. Applejack stepped up from her left with a look of disbelief. She removed her hat and held it to her chest, glancing up and down Twilight, “... well I’ll be...”

Zecora joined her, “Ah, very good,” and nodded her approval, “and what did I say? Never doubt the Zebra way.”

“Twilight!” Fluttershy shouted. Her head peeked in from the right with Spike beside her, both staring down at her with wide eyes, “Are you okay?”

“Uh... huh,” Twilight nodded weakly and allowed herself to be helped back up. She was still thoroughly dazed and seemed to sway rapidly around her. Her hooves buckled and she dropped back to her haunches.

“Um...” Spike stepped around to her front, leaning down and looking Twilight in the eye, “Are you sure?”

She shook herself, cast a wall-eyed glance past Spike, “Yeah,” and began to nod, “I’m— Ablech Another sneeze shook the princess, showering Spike, the wall, and anypony else unfortunate enough to be in the princess’s range at the time, with a thin spray of spittle. There was a loud pomf and a burst of feathers as the wings returned in full force.

“Ew gross!” Spike recoiled, clutching at his face and wiping the layers of snot away, “I think some got in my mouth!” The tiny drake began hacking as he was lead away under Fluttershy’s wing.

“Sorry—” Twilight sniffed, “—Spike.” she wiped her nosed on the back of her hoof.

Zecora kneeled in front of Twilight, cupping a hoof under the mares chin and turning it up to get a better view of the wings, “Hm... perhaps some adjustments are in order.”

“Well,” Applejack spoke up, regaining her previous demeanour, “Ah hat ta say ah told ya so but—“

“Now is not the time,” Zecora snapped and, turning away From Twilight, “Fluttershy, dear,” She waved to where the Pegasus was still busy tending to Spike, “Bring my satchel near, perhaps a sprig of sage will—”

“Ahm just sayin’,” Applejack butted in, stepping up behind Zecora as she dug into her back between Fluttershy’s hooves, “Maybe if ya hadn’t come barging in like ya did we could’ve had this whole thing fixed by now.”

“Silence, your rude mare,” Zecora was brief, pulling herself out from her satchel. She spun around to face Applejack with the plant clenched between her teeth and glowered at the farm mare as she prodded her with a hoof, “Perhaps, if it were not for your crude concoction, my potion would surely have been a better option.”

“Them’s fightin’ words if ah ever did see it,” she slapped Zecora’s hoof aside and grabbed Twilight’s hoof, pulling her back up to stand beside her, “Now come on, Twilight, Ah’ll get a fresh batch fixed up for ya in a might jiff.”

“With me, Twilight,” Zecora grabbed Twilight’s other hoof, “My hut will surely have the ingredients we so require.”

“Ow!” A searing pain ran through Twilight’s shoulders as she was jerked over to Zecora’s side. She was now strung out like a living clothes line as the two mares stared each other down over her, “Girl!”

Her protests went unnoticed as Zecora and Applejack’s make-shift tug of war escalated, “Do ah have t’ get out mah batterin’ ram?”

“You dare, and you shall be dealing with Fluttershy’s bear.”

Fluttershy’s head poked in from behind Twilight, “Um,” She set a hoof over top of Twilight’s as she flapped her wings to get a bit of hight, “Can you please not bring Harry into this?”

“Enough!” Twilight finally had enough. She screamed and lit her horn and, with a bright flash and a pop she disappeared from between Applejack and Zecora, only to reappear moments later blocking the exit from the barn.

She stood there, heaving, her teeth clenched as she shot glares between all the ponies in the room. Several of the largest wings on her face puffed up, gave a short flutter, and grew a good two inches longer, “I’ve had it just about up to here with you two,” She held a hoof at eye level to illustrate.

“Now, Twi,” Applejack took a step forward, “Ah can—“

“No!” Twilight screamed, stopping Applejack in her tracks, “I’m leaving,” She then turned an eye across the barn, searching for Spike. The dragon was promptly levitated, curled up in a little ball, from where he’d taken cover under the workbench and deposited on Twilight’s back, “and I’m not coming back until you two can get along!”

The whole barn went silent. Zecora, Applejack, and Fluttershy sat motionless, staring eyes as wide as dinner plates and mouths hanging agape. The only sound aside that of Zecora’s satchel jingling below Fluttershy as she hovered in the air was that of the barn door slamming shut, and then Twilight’s angry stomping away outside.

The three remained like that for a full minute, in the semi darkness of the barn only lit by a lantern somewhere overhead. Finally, Zecora was the first to break the silence, “Well...”

Applejack kicked at the ground, “Shoot.”

~ ~ ~

Twilight trotted in silence, her eyes trained on the dirt path and her wings all twitching with rage. The sun was still high in the sky, just passing midday and birds were heard chirping in the apple trees around. However none of this made any difference to the princess as she kept focused on getting as far from the Apples as her hooves would take them.

Spike fidgeted on her back, the shift in weight causing Twilight to swerve and change course as she started out the farm gate and into the country road, “So, uh,” Spike leaned forward, grabbing onto a few wings as leverage, and peeked down into Twilight’s field of vision from the top, “Twilight?” He frowned, concerned, “We’re not going back to the castle now, are we?”

“Well,” Twilight shook her head, pulling it free from Spike’s grasp and gestured behind her with her eyes, “we certainly can’t go back there,” She continued to speak whilst keeping her eyes on the road, “and I’m afraid of what might happen if I visited ‘Doctor Pinkie’ again.”

“But you just can’t do nothing!” Spike screamed. Throwing himself back, he shot his armed into the air, “ Wha—” and immediately startled, waving his arms frantically as he lost his balance. The drake slid sideways around Twilight’s barrel, brushing against the wing on her left before grabbing hold again and righting himself back up, “I mean—” He shifted his stance, casting a worried glance to the passing ground and then dug his claws into Twilight’s back—much to the princess’ displeasure, “You can’t go around like this the rest of your life.”

“I know that,” Twilight rolled her eyes. “We’re not doing ‘nothing’, Spike. Once we regroup back at home, I can review the situation, weight the options, draw some pie charts, and maybe come up with a better—scientifically supported— solution. One that doesn’t involve ‘family remedies’ or Zebracan tree sap, or—”

“Quesadillas?” Spike offered.

Twilight tensed up and a shiver ran all the way up, from her tail, through her neck, and terminating at the tips of her feathers, “Y—” She shook herself off and resumed walking, “We promised never to talk about that.”

“You’re going to read more books, aren’t you?”

“Ye—” Twilight opened her mouth, and was half way through a nod, when she suddenly stopped in the middle of the path and facehoofed. They had just reached a mound on the outskirts of Ponyville with the—thankfully empty – park laid out in front of them and a bridge leading into the town proper just a few trots ahead, “Celestia damn it,” she grumbled from behind her hoof.

“What is it?”

“...I forgot my trench coat.”

“Oh.” Spike looked around nervously, “so...” He pointed back over his shoulder with a claw, “... you want me to...” and began shimmying his way off of Twilight’s back.

Spike would have dropped all the way to the ground if Twilight hadn’t stopped him, “No, no,” Twilight waved him down, “It’s too late now, I’m just going to have to take the scenic route past Rarity’s. It’s no big deal.”

~ ~ ~

There was a silent rustling from among the trees and one of the bushes parted to reveal a purple muzzle poking neatly out of the front, with two wide eyes set above them and the green spines of a dragon cresting the top. The tips of several purple wings were also seen peeking out around the bush, though anypony passing by would easily mistake it for a bushel of blueberries.

“I think the coast is clear,” Twilight whispered. She pulled her head back from the bush, and turned to her side to attend to Spike. The tiny dragon lay huddled next to her, crammed against her side squirming as Twilight pressed her hoof over his mouth.

“Hmmf,” He protested pushed the hoof away, “Gah!” Gasping for breath, Spike shot Twilight a glare, “Did you really—”

“Shhh!”
Twilight shushed Spike and her, rolling his eyes, continued in a whisper, “Did you really have to throw yourself at me like that?”

“Sorry, Spike, but I just can’t take any chances.” A twig snapping suddenly caught Twilight’s attention making her ears perk. She spun back around and shoved her face back into the bush, casting one more look across the deserted street. “Right,” Twilight nodded, “I think the coast is clear.”

The rustling resumed, this time louder and more agitatedly and the bush burst open as Spike and Twilight came trotting out—both covered in an assortment of sticks and leaves—into the open. Twilight did one last check, looking both ways before crossing the road.

So far so good, the road was still deserted. To the left, Rarity’s boutique was still closed for the afternoon so there weren’t very many ponies to crowd around the outside, and nothing on the right, just empty dirt all the way back to the Everfree. They were home free.

“Now, Spike,” Twilight returned to her normal tone as they continued past the boutique, “When we get back I want you to—“

“Then I said: ‘Oatmeal, are you crazy?” The sounds of ponies giggling the crunching of stones under hoof reached Twilight’s ear.

“Oh no!” She stopped mid canter, looking around frantically for a hiding spot, “Spike, quick!” Grabbing the dragon in her magic, Twilight bolted for the entrance to the boutique, battering the door in and leaping through the threshold.

Moments later Pinkie Pie, Lyra, and Bon-Bon came strolling past. Pinkie Pie had a wide grin on as she bounced along with Lyra and Bon-Bon giggling like school-fillies, “Oh Pinkie,” Lyra muffled a laugh, “You’ve told us that five times already.”

Inside the boutique, on the other side of the door, Twilight sat pressed against the hard wood with Spike squeezed tightly at her side. She kept an ear cocked to the doorframe, only allowing herself brief a glance through the circular window to verify that they were still there whilst Spike wriggled against her grip, “Shhh!” She shushed the dragon, and turned her attention back to the voices outside.

She held her breath and listened as they slowly drew further away, and then, when she was sure they were gone, breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. She released Spike from her death grip and let him stumble—coughing to the side, “Okay,” Twilight whispered, and poked her head up to look outside, “I think they’re g—”

“Twilight Sparkle!”

Twilight nearly jumped out of her skin, “Ya—” she began to scream. All of the feathers on her head bristled as her wings flapped out of fright—one of them catching against her nose and setting of a sneeze, “Hachoo” and making Twilight bang her head against the door.

“Oh dear,” Twilight’s vision cleared to find two Raritys and two Spikes standing in front of her, looks of concern very evident on their faces, “Twilight, are you all right?”

“Oh,” Twilight shook her head and looked around the otherwise empty boutique, “It’s just you, Rarity.”

“I take it...” Rarity looked up and down the princess, taking in the dishevelled mane, the sticks and leaves hanging at odd angles all over the mare, and the very obvious increase in feather to fuzz ratio. She could feel the urge to brush and manicure just by looking at Twilight. Rarity pulled off one of the most notable sticks, a veritable tree branch, that had lodged itself behind Twilight’s ear and discarded it with a frown, “... that your appointment with Applejack did not go quite as expected.” She grimaced.

Twilight groaned and slumped forwards, surprising Rarity as she pulled her into a hug, “You won’t believe.”

Rarity tensed up at the contact. Her eyes going wide, she seemed to hesitate before returning the embrace, “There there,” she patted Twilight on the back and removed a caterpillar, then began to lead Twilight over to the kitchen, “Perhaps you would like to talk about it over a cup of tea?”

As they passed into the kitchen, Rarity sparked her horn and pulled out some seats. She also set the kettle running, and the cabinet in the back spat out cups and saucers that set about preparing themselves for tea.

“I don’t know if there’s all that much to tell,” Twilight admitted. She set herself down in her seat, and gladly accepted the cup of tea as it levitated down to the placemat in front of her. She reached out with a hoof, attempting to wrap its tip around the tiny handle and failing miserably. How the hay do Earth Ponies do this? She frowned and cast a glance to Spike, who had already buried himself face deep in a plate of scones with jam and cheese, then to Rarity who daintily levitated her cup to her muzzle and took a quiet sip. “Applejack’s ‘solution’,” Twilight continued, “was to soak me in a pot of Zap Apple Jam.”

“Itsh wash pretty shweet,” Spike commented past a mouth full of jam and cheese. Both mares answered him with a silent glare. Spike shrugged and simply continued shovelling food into his mouth.

“Did you at least learn something from it?” Rarity offered, “What was that thing about it being linked to your magic?”

“Yeah...” Twilight’s attention drifted as she stared down into her cup, at the feathery reflection frowning back up at her from the dark liquid. As Rarity’s words soaked in, a light went on in Twilight’s head. She looked back up, nodding quickly with more confidence, “Yeah. Applejack was right.”

“I did see them grow when you teleported.”

Twilight sat up straight, nodding to Spike, as she continued with new-found vigour, “It has to be some kind of spell, then. But who in their right mind would want to do this to me?”

“Twilight,” Rarity set her cup down and gave the princess a stern look, “You are in no shortage enemies.”

“Yes, I know,” her ears dropping again, and realising she’d been standing, Twilight lowered herself back into her seat and wrapped her hooves around her cup—if not just for something to keep herself preoccupied—“But who could have the mischievous intent, live close enough, and possess the magical prowess needed to do so?”

A beat of silence as Twilight looked to Rarity expectantly. The silent ticking of the boutique’s clock in the background and distance yelp from a filly playing outside filled the room until, finally, a switch seemed to go off in the mare’s head. Her eyes grew wide and her mouth transitioned from a frown, to a silent ‘oh’, and finally to a wide, knowing grin to match the one Twilight now wore.

Spike sat beside them with a frown, looking between the grinning mares, “... What? What?”

~ ~ ~

“Starlight Glimmer!”

Starlight stood balanced atop the step ladder and facing the bookshelves of Twilight’s library, running a hoof along the shelf counting off the spaces to find her target. Several books levitated around her and were slotting themselves back into place when Twilight and Rarity had come running into the room screaming her name.

She sighed, rolling her eyes as the final, and largest, of the three tomes—Your Mortal Nemesis and You: a three step guide to making friends when you’d rather not. For dummies— slid back in between its brethren, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Starlight turned around, looking down to the two mares gathered behind her, one looking up at her, eyes squinted and with a look that she just brainwashed somepony—again—and the other so obscured by her massive fruit hat and mountains of feathers she almost couldn’t recognise her as Twilight Sparkle.

“Don’t play dumb with us,” the fruit hat spoke, the sound of grinding teeth evident, “It may have taken a little while, but we’ve figured out your whole ‘revenge scheme’.”

“Revenge?” Starlight was taken aback, hiding a mock gasp, and making a big show of pretending to be surprised. Even going so far as to put on an ‘I’m hurt pout’, “Me?”

“Darling,” Rarity chimed in, none too plused by Starlight’s reaction, “Don’t be coy.”

“I’m sorry, Rarity,” She apologised, dropping down from the ladder and trotting past the mares. They turned to watch as Starlight went about picking up the odd papers, scrolls, and quills scattered across the ground, “But really,” Starlight laughed, “Revenge? For what? Adopting me as your student, taking me into your very own castle, and teaching me about the magic of friendship?”

With all the papers gathered, she pulled them into a stack, tapped them against the table, and set them down neatly beside the reading lamp, “I’m reformed Twilight,” she continued, looking up from her work to glance over to the pile of fruit standing beside her, “And beside, wings aren’t really my thing. I may be a manipulative, lying, cheating, mind-controlling, time-line altering, psychopath, but I’m not a larsonist.”

“Y—” Twilight sighed, her bananas suddenly seeming to hang extra low, “You’re right, Starlight. I’m sorry.”

“That’s, unfortunate.” Rarity turned to leave, laying a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder as she passed, “I’m so, so sorry. I really thought we had something there.”

“Yeah,” Twilight pulled off the hat, and flashed a smile to her friend, “But it was worth a try. Thanks for the hat.”

Twilight held the garment out to return it to Rarity, “No, no” She pushed it back to Twilight, “Keep it.”

“... okay.”

With Rarity out of the room, Twilight trudged over to the desk and took a seat. Slumping forwards, she seemed to deflate entirely, and her head met with the tabletop with a resounding thud, “Ugh,” and a heavy sigh from the princess.

“You know...” Starlight commented offhoofedly, as she continued around cleaning up the library, “May I suggest Discord?”

“Who?” Twilight’s didn’t even bother to look up, instead speaking muffled into the desk.

“You know,” Starlight twirled a hoof in the air. She paused and took a moment, waiting for Twilight to fill in the gap. Instead the princess simply sat silently wallowing in self pity. She continued, “Omnipotent, lord of chaos, Fluttershy’s latest pet?” Twilight’s ears perked at that last hint, and she saw the alicorn lift her head to look at her with a blank stare, “It’s... pretty obvious.” Starlight deadpanned.

Another groan, and a loud thud as Twilight upgraded her strategy—rather than facehoofing—she decided it was more fitting to start facedesking instead. The wood promptly split down the middle.

Part 4: I- Uh- Wha? DISCORD!

“Discord!”

Twilight screamed into the open sky, the wings on her face flapping in the breeze and sticking to her sweat-ridden coat as she paced her backyard. She was seething with hatred, not so much for what Discord had done, but for what he didn’t do.

They’d spent a little over three hours trying to get that damned Draconequus to appear. Anything from simply calling, to an elaborate ritual involving bananas and a sacrifice to the banana god, but all that had gotten them was a slightly peeved letter from Princess Celestia, and a congratulatory mug from Princess Luna—which, she admits, was a rather nice mug.

Why, she’d even asked him nicely, but still they remain. With no signs of Discord to be had, Twilight had to resort to the only solution she knew would work eventually: screaming herself hoarse until something happened.

“Discord!” She stopped mid-canter, turning her face to the sky and grit her teeth. “If you don’t get down here right now Celestia, so help me, I’m gonna—”

Several feet away, relaxing in the shade of the castle’s patio, Starlight Glimmer and Spike silently watched as Twilight swore and waved her hooves at the sky. Starlight sat comfortably, leaned back against her beach chair with a tall glass of lemonade floating beside her. She sipped from it without break as her eyes remained glued to the angry princess.

Even as she watched, Twilight continued to scream, turning a deeper shade of purple and then crimson. She then threw a punch at the air, missed it completely and somersaulting herself into the dirt.

The resulting, rapid fire, barrage of cursing caused Starlight to blush. Her ears folded and, suddenly losing interest in Twilight’s plight, she took a new interest in her glass of lemonade. Lifting it up in her magic, she noted the abhorrent lack of refreshment, and set it down at her side, then turned to look at Spike.

The dragon, for the most part, seemed unfazed by Twilight’s behaviour. He sat back with his right arm behind his head and a large sunhat obscuring the most part of his upper body. There was also a fire extinguisher, already primed, nestled under his free arm with the nozzle at the ready.

“... so...” Starlight turned aside, putting her back to the flailing and, quickly becoming, deep red alicorn in the distance, “Is it always like this?”

“Hm?” Spike squirmed slightly and lifted up the sunhat to look at Starlight. There was a brief moment as he glanced to Starlight, to Twilight, and then back. “Oh,” she shrugged, “Yeah. Sometimes it takes longer.” He sat back, returning to his previous position and pulled the hat low to cover his face, “I just try to roll with it.” He then patted the fire extinguisher and added, “But I always try to keep some of these handy, as well, of course.”

“Discord!” Twilight’s voice cracked. She could already tell she was starting to scream herself hoarse, a sign it was almost time for her to tap out and let Starlight have a go for a bit, but she also felt they were getting close.

She stopped in the middle of the yard, wiping the sweat and mud off her face then cupped a hoof over her forehead to squint up at the sky. There was a flicker of motion that caught her eyes, but when she followed it, and blinked past the rays of sun, she found it to be just another seagull.

She sighed, Come ooon, and took a brief moment to rub her temples. Her head was pounding and it felt like she was about to burst a blood vessel, but she had to get Discord to appear somehow. “Okay, Twilight. Just, one last time.”

She took a deep breath, all of her feathers spreading like the head of peacock as she pulled in as much air as she possibly could. “Discor—”

“Heya!”

Twilight stopped short, interrupted from belting out her latest scream. “Huh?” She froze on the spot, blinked once, twice, thrice, and snapped out of her stupor.

She looked around her; suddenly realising she’d somehow dug herself into a ditch. She was standing, mud up to her flanks, in a long trench stretching the length of the garden and back, following perfectly the path she’d taken the first... It suddenly occurred to her that she couldn’t remember how long she’d been pacing this yard. But that was all besides. Another chirp from the end of the yard called for her attention.

“Yoohoo~” A voice sounded from the end of the garden, “Twilight, over here!”

Besides the usual flowers trees and the—mostly destroyed— lawn of the garden, there was also a long stretch of Canterlot Garden Hedges, a kind of ‘gift’ from Princess Celestia outlining the perimeter. One specific part, the one that seemed to be calling to Twilight, seemed to be shaking.

“Oh!” She jumped out of the ditch and ran up to the hedge, ready to let loose all of her hatred at once, “Mother of Celestia, I’ve been calling you fo—”

A cloud of pink fluff suddenly popped out of the top of the bush, followed shortly after by a pair of big blue eyes and wide grinning teeth that could only belong to one pony. “Hey, Twilight,” Pinkie Pie waved.

“Oh,” her ears dropped, “It’s just you... Pinkie Pie.” She slowed to a canter and came to a stop beside the bush. “What are you—” Craning her neck, Twilight stole a glance over the hedge. There was a white picket fence, through which she could see Pinkie’s body with its neck stuck between the planks and into the bush. She looked back to her own side, sizing up the mare looking at her with a wide grin. “... What are you doing here?”

“Oh, well,” Pinkie Pie wobbled slightly inside the bush, the sounds of twigs snapping and wood creaking. Twilight chose not to check what was happening on the other side.

Pinkie’s hoof emerged from the bush and she flicked her wrist nonchalantly, “you know. I was just in Sugar Cube Corner, baking a marble fruitcake for the cakes whilst running Vinyl’s dishwasher—” She leaned further over, pulling Twilight by the ear and whispering, “Did you know it cleans with wubs!” then let her go and continued, “—and listening to this new death metal track I got from Maud when I heard something that sounded like somepony was shaving a grizzly bear with a chainsaw—” she gasped, and continued “—and I thought to myself: ‘Who’s shaving Harry? Fluttershy doesn’t do that until June,’ but then I put down my chainsaw and removed the heavy duty earmuffs and realised it was you. So I came over to see what’s up.” Pinkie concluded her explanation with a nod. “So...?” She leaned in closer to Twilight, encroaching on the mare’s face as she leaned out of the bush, “What’s up? You calling Discord or something?”

“Um...” Twilight’s muzzle scrunched from the close contact. Her wings instinctively withdrew and she pushed Pinkie’s face away from her own, “... yeah.”

“Oh!” Pinkie Pie chirped and stood up straight, her full upper body now visible from inside the bush. She clapped her hooves together and came bounding out, “I can totally help you with that, Twi!”

“Pinkie Pie,” Twilight shook her head and followed, “That’s not going t—” and was immediately cut off when Pinkie stopped in front of her and shoved a hoof in her mouth.

“Shush!” Pinkie shushed her, and removed her hoof, “Don’t interrupt whilst I’m working.”

“Bu—”

“Shhush!” Pinkie repeated, this time more forcefully, finally convincing Twilight to remain silent. She sighed and took a seat whilst she watched Pinkie work. “Just let me put on my ‘game face.” Dropping to her haunches, Pinkie set to work running her hooves through her mane.

She licked on hoof, and slicked back her mane to lie flat.

“Um,” Twilight frowned, watching with keen interest as Pinkie got back to her hooves with a mane now almost identical to that of Fluttershy’s. “What are you...?”

“Watch this,” Pinkie grinned, winking shortly to the peanut gallery from the castle patio, and flicked the tip of her mane to complete the illusion. She coughed into her hoof, and took a deep breath, then crouched low, mimicking Fluttershy’s stance as best she could, and let out in a lowest, tiniest, most filly-weak squeak she could muster, “Disco—”

Pinkie had barely gotten the word out, when a bright flash ignited between them. Twilight stumbled back, blinded, and blinking her eyes. She rubbed her hooves in her eyes, blinked a few time, and when her vision cleared she was face with the image of Discord, standing up with a joyful grin on his face, and rocking Pinkie Pie in a bear hug as he squeezed the life out of her.

“Fluttershy! There you are! You won’t believe what I ju—” Discord stopped short, taking one glance at the pony in his arms. He set eyes on the pink mare in his arms staring up with wide, deep blue eyes. She smiled and blinked twice. Discord’s grin disappeared and he held the pony out at arm’s length, mortified. “You’re not Fluttershy.”

“Nope!” Pinkie chirped, and leaned over to give Discord a quick peck on the cheek. She then dropped free from the shocked Draconequus’ grasp and pranced away towards the castle singing, “You’re welcome~” to an equally as mortified Twilight as she passed.

Neither said anything, their mouths hanging agape, as Flutter-Pinkie trotted away with her Fluttershy-like mane bouncing at her sides whilst her tail remained just as curly as before. She arrived at the steps in front of the patios, hopped up, and walked straight past Starlight and Spike who, equally, stared at her— though more in that it actually worked than anything else— before Pinkie disappeared inside.

When they were finally sure she was gone, and everypony’s sense of normalcy was going back to... normal, Twilight blinked, and came back to herself. She turned to face Discord and looked up at the Draconequus who seemed to be equally as confused. “Ahem,” she coughed, “Discord.”

The Draconequus took a long moment before he realised that he was being addressed, “Um, what?” He looked down to find Twilight’s angry face, mostly obstructed by feathers, glaring back up at him ground. His grin returned in full force, times one thousand, “Pftt—” and muffled a snicker beneath his claf, “Oh.” He leaned over, flipping onto his belly and floating low to get a closer look.

“I must say.” Discord reached out and flicked one of the wings, making Twilight to recoil and her frown to deepen, “I love what you’ve done with your...” He paused at a loss for words then settled for motioning with a claw around his head and shoulders, “This area. Do remind me to get the number of your stylist. It’d be simply wonderful to hear how it was done.” His grin widened, showing a set of yellow teeth, and a quick waggle of his eyebrows sealed the deal.

Twilight pouted, huffing slightly from frustration and, somewhere in the distance, Spike burst into laughter. She wasn’t amused. “Ha. Ha. Ha.” Twilight deadpanned, and added, “You’ve had your fun. Now change me back.”

“Change you back!?” Discord actually seemed legitimately surprised at this. He recoiled, standing to his full height and pressing a paw to his chest whilst his face painting itself with shock, “Are you insinuation that I am responsible for your... condition?”

Twilight nodded, “Yes.”

“That little old moa would do such a hilariously heinous thing to one of my dear Fluttershy’s best friends?”

“Yes” Multiple voices returned, and again, Twilight nodded, this time joined at her side by Starlight.

“Well,” Discord huffed, “I hate to burst your bubble, but I am simply not responsible. I have no hand in this matter and I would appreciate it if you were to offer an apology.” He turned his back to Twilight, folding his arms and turning up his head in a huff.

“Ap—“ Twilight stammered, utterly flabbergasted. Starlight seemed to feel the same as she stood beside her with her mouth hanging open. Spike’s laughter redoubled, only growing stronger the more Twilight tried not to glare at him. “A- Apology?” Twilight felt another twitch coming on and she reached a hoof up to begin the futile effort of rubbing her temples to make them stop.

“Well,” Discord continued, oblivious to Twilight’s impending meltdown, “I do admit that it is something that I would have done. But it couldn’t have been me,” reaching into his back pocket, Discord pulled out his wallet and produced a small sheet of paper, “See?” He held it out in front of Twilight, “I have an alibi.”

Starlight levitated the paper out of Discord’s claw and brought it in closer to see. Twilight took one look at the paper, her frown deepening, “That’s a receipt for Quills and Sofas.”

“Oh,” Discord blushed snatched the paper away, quickly spluttering “So sorry, that’s the wrong one.” He tossed the paper back in his pocket.

“Why do you need so much upholstery anyway?”

“It’s none of your business what I eat,” Discord snapped, and produced a thick book and a pair of reading glass. “Now,” he licked a finger and flipped it open, “Look here.”

Discord turned the book around, tapping the page for Twilight to read, and again Starlight levitated it closer so they could both see. “Page thirty seven, paragraph two,” he added as the two huddled around the book.

It was, at that moment, whilst reading the page in front of her face that Princess Twilight Sparkle remembered a very important detail. Discord couldn’t possibly be responsible for whatever he had done, for he had spent that entire day having tea with Fluttershy. How she remembered this, without ever going to see Fluttershy, nor without any of her friends—especially Fluttershy— even thinking to mention that fact; she could not tell. All that remained was that Discord was, without a doubt, innocent, and would continue to have indemnity from any other actions he has, or ever will— not—do in the future. Now will you please untie u—

They’d barely gotten past the first few lines when Discord snatched the book away. “See?” He snapped the book shut, motioning to it with a claw, “I’m innocent.” Then threw the book away, where it promptly exploded into a burst of sparkles, and produced instead a copy of ‘Saw: the Novel.’ “Now,” He spun round holding the book under his shoulder, “If you will excuse me, I have some studying to do,” then floated into the air and vanished in a flash of light leaving Starlight and Twilight to exchange confused looks.

A snort attracted their attention, and all eyes turned to where Spike lay, on his side at the base of the castle’s porch, clutching at his sides and biting his lip to keep from laughing. The sunhat had been discarded and lay upturned beside him. Another snort escaped Spike’s lips and he looked up with a wide grin, “Pfft—” he burst, almost falling backwards in a fit of laughter, “Ha-ha-ha! He totally got you guys!”

Starlight and Twilight shared a glance. Their ears dropped and they both screamed into the sky. “Discord!”

“What is it now?” Discord’s voice echoed from nowhere and he reappeared in a flash, staring down at Twilight with a frown and his arms crossed. He still had his reading glasses on, which he tipped low as he regarded the ponies with contempt.

Twilight trotted forwards, meeting Discord mid-way as he floated down to the ground, and pulled him forwards by the scruff of his neck. Her horn shone a blaze, and she stared him directly in the eyes. “Fix it,” she growled. There was a loud clack as Twilight’s teeth ground together. The faint smell of burning hair reached Discord’s nose, and he spied wisps of smoke waft over from Twilight’s back. She added, in a deep and low growl, “Now.”

“Oh, uh,” Discord flashed a toothy grin, shrinking slightly under Twilight’s gaze. He suddenly felt hot, and conjured up a collar to loosen. “Okay, okay,” he gulped again, licking a finger and dousing the tip of Twilight’s horn, he pushed it gently to the side where it wouldn’t cause any damage to him.

Starlight trotted up beside them then stopped, frozen. She went pale and leapt out of the way of Twilight’s, jumping for cover behind Spike, who in turn froze and began quaking on the spot. Twilight blinked and jerked her head back, and watched as Discord stood back to his full height.

He continued, “But I warn you: wing magic is not really my forte,” and snapped his fingers. There was a bright flash, and a puff of smoke, around Twilight’s body. When it cleared, Twilight was revealed a new mare. She felt lighter, happier, and glowed with a contented smile. “Thank you,” she sighed.

“You’re welcome.” Discord offered, offhandedly, and watched as Twilight cantered past and towards the castle.

With this whole mess out of the way, she really wanted nothing more than to get back to her normal life. She’d missed most of her lectures this week, but there was still one left Friday on the topic of the benefits of friendship. Dr. Pear Top would be delighted to hear that she would be able to make it, but that meant Twilight couldn’t waste any time. She had to get to her library post haste to begin refreshing herself on th—

“Um, Twilight?”

Starlight’s voice broke her train of thought, and Twilight stopped mid-way through the back door. She looked up and glanced around the patio, instantly spotting Spike at her side, with a grimace as he motioned to a spot on his face. “Twilight, it’s—“

Twilight flushed red. She spun around to shoot a glare at Discord.

He shrugged, “Sorry, but that’s my honest to Luna best attempt. Wing magic is so... finicky, and I’m not technically allowed to do it after—” he coughed, “Celestia would have my head on a platter if she ever found out, and we all know how I like my heads under a glass. Now,” he turned aside to Starlight, stroking his tuft of goat’s beard with a paw, “Celestia, on the other hoof—”

“No, no,” Twilight screamed, slapping her hooves to her ears, “La-la-la-la.”

“I’m simply saying—“

“I can’t hear you!” Twilight wouldn’t have another word of it. There was no way in Tartarus she was going to call Celestia for help.

“—that—“

“La-la-la-la” She sang louder, squeezing her hooves further down her eardrums as she turned around and cantered back into the castle, the sound of her singing slowly drawing quieter as she drew further away.

Discord huffed, “Well. That was just rude.”

~ ~ ~

Twilight trotted through the castle, turned a corner into her bedroom, and slumped exhausted into her bed. “Ugh...” She groaned into the sheets and allowed them to consume her entirely, every part of her going slack as she sank deeper into the soft Pegasus down.

She was just beginning to drift off to a painless sleep, when she heard the door creak open behind her and Starlight’s voice. “Um, Twilight?” Starlight stepped cautiously into the bedroom, glancing around to see where the alicorn could be. She was sure she’d seen her come this way, “If you’re in here, I just want to talk.”

Tiptoeing further into the darkened room, Starlight kept her eyes peeled, focusing mainly on the large princess-sized bed that occupied the chamber.

As she circled around it, the first thing she spotted was a wave of movement and, like Cutulhu emerging from the depths, Twilight’s bed-head turned up to looked at her, “... yes?” she groaned.

Starlight stopped mid stride and stepped back to keep her distance. “What’s gotten into you?” she finally asked, “Are you really that afraid of Princess Celestia?”

There was a slight meep, several feathers puffing up, and Twilight’s eyes went wide at the mention of her past mentor. She crouched lower in the bedspread, burying herself to her muzzle and looking up to Twilight with wide eyes. “You don’t know what it’s like.”

“Oh really?” Starlight rolled her eyes, “Come on; tell me. What is it?”

There was a faint sigh, and another puff of loose feathers. Twilight relented with a roll of her eyes, “I- I just really don’t want her to see me like this.”

“Is that all?”

Twilight nodded.

“... fine.” Starlight shrugged and started back to the doors, Twilight’s eyes tracking her progress from the comfort of her bed. She reached the door, pulling it closed behind her half way, then turned to glare at Twilight over her shoulder. “At least clean yourself up. Have a shower or something. Dinner will be at eight.”

Another brief nod from Twilight, and Starlight closed the door behind her and left.

Part 5: Am I... awkward?

Several hours—and a hot shower—later, the bathroom doors burst open to reveal Twilight Sparkle in a wave of hot steam. She stepped out dripping wet, her mane and tail each wrapped up in their own towels, whilst a third hovered out behind her. It flapped in the air, did a twirl in a dove pattern, and began rubbing itself up against Twilight’s face, fluffing the fur on her cheek and ruffling her feathers as it worked to dry her off.

Twilight took a long, deep breath, letting the towel carry out its job, and allowing her eyes to drift closed. She revelled in the fresh air, the cool breeze blowing through the castle washing over her body, and let the clean smell of daffodils and jasmine relax her further. Starlight was right. A shower was exactly what she needed. Her mind was clear and refreshed, and she was finally able to think straight.

The towel inched its way across her face, turning over and rubbing her chin, then wrapping itself around each wing in succession to dry them too.

There was a grumble from below that brought Twilight back from her meditation. She opened her eyes, sighing, and letting her breath out in a slow and controlled exhale. She rubbed a hoof over her barrel, silencing her stomach’s rumbling, a slight reminder that she was late for dinner, and set off down the passage towards the dining room.

As she walked, Twilight went through the events of the last few days in her mind. Yes, she was still covered in feathers—no thanks to a certain Draconequus who shall remain unnamed—and, yes, they were incredibly itchy. She didn’t even notice when the towel’s pace quickened, rubbing more furiously as Twilight walked, and leaking a fine trail of feathers in the wind behind her.

But, all-in-all, the damage was minimal. The only ponies who had seen her like this, were all her closest friends, and she trusted them to not tell anypony. Discord knew, of course, but she didn’t see much gain in him telling more ponies. If at least half of what he said was true, then Celestia finding out would only make things worse for him.

Ahead and on the right, one of the doors cracked open. The smell of cooking gems wafted from inside and Spike poked his head out with his chef’s hat and moustache. The facial hair twitched slightly as he pushed the door further open, using a wooden spoon in his other claw to hold up his chef’s hat as he watched Twilight trot past. “Um, Twilight?”

“No,”— Twilight shook her head—“but that doesn’t make any sense.” She ignored Spike, frowning in deep thought as she trotted right past and turned a corner.

Spike looked both ways, then ducked back into the kitchen. There was a loud clatter and a crash, and the frantic, angry hooting of Owlicious from inside, then Spike emerged, sans hat and moustache to take off after Twilight. “Twilight, wait!” he shouted and slammed the door behind him.

Twilight was still mumbling to herself when Spike caught up. He slowed to a waddle next to mare and wrung his hands. “...so.” .he kept his eyes low; focusing on the ground ahead. “You’re not...” Spike braved a glance up to the mare’s face, past the feathers and towels, and saw the faintest inklings of a frown. He gulped, “Y-You’re not still mad about earlier, are you?”

“Huh?” Twilight stopped cold, her head snapped up as she seemingly broke out of her trance. “What?” She glanced around, finally setting eyes on Spike, and her expression softened. “Oh.” She shook her head. “No, Spike, I’m not. I’m just... a little worried, that’s all.”

“Well... Do you want to talk about it?”

Twilight shook her head, taking another moment to bat the enchanted towel away. “Later. Let’s just have something to eat first.”

~ ~ ~

The dining room doors burst open, creaking as the pair of solid crystal walls glided inwards, knocking slightly against the walls on either side, and then slow began their trip back to closing behind them. Twilight trotted with a purpose, with her trusty companion—towel— and Spike trailing close behind. They left the doors to close behind them and trotted across the distance to reach the dining room table.

“So, Twilight,” Spike spoke up again, “Do you still think Discord’s behind this?”

“I—” Twilight paused with a hoof rested on the back of her chair. She frowned in thought for a moment, before finally coming to a conclusion. “...yes?” Admittedly, she was still a little confused about the details. Whatever Discord had done, it didn’t seem to work. The word ‘placebo’ jumped to the forefront of her mind, but knowing him, he’d probably just made it worse.

She pulled out her chair and took her place at the dining room table, taking a moment to scratch her cheek wings and adjust the positioning of the towel around her head. She grabbed her napkin with a hoof and placed it across her lap then, finally, threw a quick nod to the mare on her right. “Hey, Pinkie.”

“Hish, Twishigt.” Pinkie Pie spat.

Spike pulled up his own seat, and was just getting comfortable when Twilight turned back to him to continue speaking. “I’m still not entirely sure what happened earlier.” In truth, it hurt her head just to think about it. “But I’m certain Discord is responsible. All we have to do is—” Suddenly, and rather unexpectedly, a lone piece of cabbage sailed across Twilight’s field of vision, and she was cut off.

It was accompanied by a loud noshing and the pained squeaks of several, innocent pieces of cabbage being devoured. Several more pieces followed, one of them landed on Twilight’s muzzle, followed by another sticking to her feathers only to be wiped away moments later by her diligent slave—towel. Yet more shredded pieces were sprayed across the table, and all eyes turned to glare at Pinkie Pie.

The mare sat, unawares, eating like ravenous carnivore. She held a fork hooked at the tip of her mane’s curl, and was using it like a shovel to carry load after load of innocent, unassuming vegetables into her already bulging cheeks.

She was spraying pieces of food in every direction as she chewed with vigour, and was leaning in to get another helping when Twilight caught her eye. Noticing the stares directed her way, Pinkie slowed to a halt. Her fork hovered motionless above the plate, still holding a bundle of cabbage leaves in front of her open mouth.

One last piece of cabbage flopped from the fork, returning to is brethrens, slumped in the middle—surely telling the tale of how it escaped certain death.

Pinkie’s fork dropped from her mane and clattered to her plate, tossing up a shower of food in its wake. Pinkie’s mouth slowly closed, and she turned it up into an embarrassing smile. “Uh...”

“...”

The silence dragged on.

Twilight blinked. She looked to Spike to see him looking on with a similar stupor, and then back to Pinkie. At length, when no further explanation was forthcoming, she shook the cabbage off her muzzle and pointed a hoof to Pinkie. “... What are you doing here?”

“Oh.” Pinkie Pie sat back in her seat, looking between Spike and Twilight. The latter was looking to her, one eyebrow raised and expecting an answer, whilst Spike found himself more interested in tucking into the gem buns on his end. “Well...” She crossed a hoof over her chest, leaning on it with her other as she rubbed her chin. “I helped you with Discord earlier, and then I got a snack from your fridge. The I helped Starlight pack away some old book in the basement—that thing was huge!” She did a gesture with her arms, indicating a breath of her entire body. “And then I—”

“No,” Twilight interrupted, shaking her head, “Pinkie Pie, what are you doing here, now? It’s, like, 7PM!”

“Oh, that’s easy. I’m here be—“

“Ahem.” Spike coughed, cutting Pinkie off. From where she was sitting, the dragon leaned forward to glare at her from behind Twilight. He waved his arms in some kind of gesture, like a cutting motion beneath his neck, whilst shaking his head. He whispered something under his breath, but none it caught Pinkie’s ears.

Pinkie Pie blinked. “What?”
Twilight immediately shot around, glancing to Spike just as the dragon snapped back to his seat. He leaned back against the rest, averting his eyes, twiddling his thumbs, whistling, and otherwise trying his best not to act suspicious.

But, of course, if there was one thing Twilight knew—and she knew it well—it was that trying not to look suspicious was the single most suspicious thing one could do. “You’re....” She raised a hoof, pointing from Pinkie to Spike and back. Her eyebrow rose as the suspicion grew. “... What did you two do?”

“It was her idea!” Spike blurted out. He jumped up in his seat, pointing to Pinkie Pie, then immediately gasped and slapped his hands over his mouth. He slumped back in his chair to continue looking suspiciously not suspicious.

Twilight’s frown deepened. “What’s going on?” she asked, sceptical, “You guys aren’t going t—” She stopped cold, her breath catching in her chest. Her ears dropped as the idea dawned on her. Oh no. No-no-no...

She could already feel the panic attacks returning, and reflexively reached for her glass. She fumbled with it for a moment, the anxiety becoming clear in her trembling voice. “Y- You’re not here to—” She raised the glass to her mouth, and found it empty. Thus, tossing it aside, just missing Spike, Twilight reverted to her backup technique. She focused on her breathing, fast and rapid, whilst rubbing her temples. “You’re not here to try and ‘cure’ me like AJ and Fluttershy, are you?” She was already dreading the answer. She really didn’t need more mental scarring.

Pinkie Pie shook her head. “Oh, no; nothing like that”— she waved a dismissive hoof— “I already know there’s nothing else we can do.”

“Oh, good...” All at once, a wave of relief washed over Twilight and she relaxed. She let out her breath, and turned back to inspecting her place setting. She prodded her fork with a hoof, contemplating the best way to eat without magic, and commented offhoofedly. “For a minute there I thought you were going to—”

“So we did the next best thing.” Pinkie Pie added, and Twilight froze, her breath rising once again.

Twilight looked up and glanced from Pinkie Pie to Spike and from Spike back to Pinkie. Spike was visibly shaking, inching lower below the table by the second, whilst pinkie Pie sat in her spot, a wide grin across her face and beaming with satisfaction. “... What did you do?”

“We called Princess Celestia.”

“You what!?” Twilight screamed, and almost fell out of her seat. There was a flash, a smash, and in an instant crash as Twilight stood, hurling the towel in the air from the sheer force. Her wings flared at her sides, and the chair was obliterated against the back wall. She spun around, grabbing Pinkie Pie between her hooves, and pulled her out of her seat. “When!? Where!? How!?” she screamed, barely keeping her composure.

Several curls of mane sprung loose from Twilight’s head, and the rest started to puff out into a frizzy mess from their post-haste unwrapping. She glowered down at Pinkie Pie, letting out a low growl, their faces almost touching.

The wings on Twilight’s face instinctively twitched, brushing slightly against Pinkie’s muzzle causing the mare to flinch. She snorted, a smile creeping up the side of her face as the wings continued to flick against her muzzle. Then, finally, she burst. “Pfffttt—” She sprayed spittle in Twilight’s face, making the princess pull back in disgust, and broke into laughter. “Ha-haha!”

Twilight scrunched her muzzle, causing her wings to retract into the widest frown. She watched with contempt as Pinkie devolved into a fit of giggles. One of her eyelids started twitching, and reflexively she brought a hoof up to rub it back into submission. “Pinkie Pie...” she groaned.

“Okay, okay.” Pinkie waved a hoof, wiping the tear from her eye as she regained her composure. She pushed Twilight away, taking her own seat, and absentmindedly scratched her face with a hoof. “Those things are dangerious, you know.” She grabbed her fork, and resumed impaling lettuce leaves, devouring them menacingly. “Okay, to answer your question.” Heaving a pile of leaves into her mouth, she pointed the fork to her other hoof and counted off on each item, “Spike, right here, and ten minutes ago.”

“Sp—” Twilight stuttered, and spun around, glaring at the dragon on her other side. “Spike!” By now she could already feel her entire face twitching sporadically, and the smell of phosphorus was getting abnormally strong. Her trusty companion, Towel, buzzed Twilight’s head one more time and she swatted it away.

“Hey!” The dragon dropped his fork and held up both claws in self defence. “This time it wasn’t my fault!” He pointed back to Pinkie Pie. “It was her idea, she made me do it!”

“You couldn’t have told me this sooner— oh who am I kidding.” Twilight dropped to her haunches, slammed her head down against the desk, “Ugh...” and groaned. The flying towel, no longer her trusty companion but more of a pest, flew over her head and began fluffing Twilight’s mane. She promptly obliterated it with a surge of magic. “... When will she be here?”

“Actually”—Pinkie glanced to her hoof— “She’s a little bit late.”

PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE

The castle was shook to its foundations, Celestia’s voice booming through its very halls as she called out Twilight’s name. There was a distant rumble, shaking the silverware on the table, and the chandelier jangled as it shook in place.

There was the slam of a door, a hastened clatter of hooves against marble tile, and Twilight, Pinkie, and Spike all turned with wide eyes to the back. The doors shimmered with a golden hue, and swung inwards of their own accord as the regal alicorn herself soared through.

Princess Celestia alighted on the table before Twilight, shattering her plate beneath her hoof as she took a stance. She glowed brightly, radiating strength as she glowered down at Twilight Sparkle.

“I-I-Ugh,” Twilight stammered, blushing profusely as she slowly slunk back, sinking lower and lower beneath the table under the princess’ withering stare. “It’s nice to...” she trailed off, her voice becoming but a squeak, as she disappeared below the table top. Finally, all that was visible were the tips of Twilight’s ears, and several upstanding wings that she’d failed to account for, blowing in the breeze.

Celestia took a deep breath, her gaze softening, and formed a thin smile. She turned to her right. “Pinkie Pie,” she inclining her head her head to the mare, “I thank you for calling me as soon as you did.”

“Oh.” Pinkie Pie perked up and waved a hoof. “No prob, Celly!” she chirped, “Anything for a good friend!”

A low groan emanated from beneath the table, attracting both their attention. Celestia cast a sideways glance, joining Spike as they both looked down to the bundle of disembodied wings trembling from behind the table. “Uuuuughh...”

“...Yes, well,” Celestia continued, turning away from Twilight for the moment, considering the severity of the matter, you really should have come to me immediately—”

They were both interrupted by another, much longer, groan rumbling form under the table, and a loud thud between them as Twilight facehoofed beneath the table.

“Aha!” Spike smirked. He jumped from his seat, standing on the edge and leaning over the armrest to point a claw, shouting, “I told y—”

“Now,” Celestia continued, clasping her hooves together and shouted slightly to be heard over the dragon’s cheers. “May I ask that I have a word with Twilight Sparkle”—she turned, looking to Pinkie Pie—“alone.”

“Yes, ma’am, Princess, Sir!” Pinkie saluted, dropping her fork, and ran around to the other side of the table to grab Spike.

“Hey!” Spike shouted, at first from surprise and then from annoyance as he was yanked from his seat by the scruff of his neck. “Wait!” He pulled against Pinkie’s grip, clawing at the ground as she dragged him further away from the table. “I need to—” The dragon’s protests died in his throat, as the futility dawned on him. He went lip, laying on the ground pouting as he was dragged away. “...aww.”

The doors slammed shut after Spike, the sounds of Pinkie’s hoofsteps, and the dragon’s whines being the last thing Celestia heard as they faded away into the distance. Celestia took a moment, turning one ear to the doorway, and listened for any more commotions.

After several minutes of silence, Celestia sighed, finally satisfied that they were, truly, alone. She stepped down off the table and took a seat in Pinkie Pie’s chair, scooting it out slightly to make room for her comparatively larger stature. “Twilight...” She trailed off in a soft, endearing, almost motherly voice, looking down to the bundle of purple feathers and fur that still refused to get up next to her.

Twilight felt something draping across her back, and she tensed up. It was soft and feathery, like a blanket made of pillows. She peeked up over the table, risking a glance to Celestia.

The princess just sat there, looking to her with a thin smile, her eyes soft, forgiving. She had one wing extended over Twilight’s back and, in one smooth motion, she pulled it in. Twilight was whisked up from her safe zone and pulled up into a wing hug at Celestia’s side. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this alone,” Celestia cooed, pressing Twilight into her chest.

Twilight fidgeted slightly. She pulled a hoof free, and used it as leverage to wrench her face away from the white, downy fluff currently invading her mouth. She spat, “Pleh,” and looked up to Celestia with a blank expression. “...” She blinked. “What?”

“No need to worry, my little Twilight.” Celestia continued, “I’m here now, and everything will be okay.”

Twilight was still at a loss. “What?”

Celestia brought a hoof up to stroke Twilight’s mane. Her muzzle scrunching, Twilight responded with the biggest pout. “Now I’m sure you must be looking for some answers.”

Oh, thank Celestia! Twilight rolled her eyes. She hadn’t seen Celestia acting like this since the time she’d lost a baby tooth in a hoof fight, and Celestia knows what might have happened if Luna tried to punch her sister again.

“Rest assured, that I know exactly what is happening to you.” Celestia glanced down to the pony cuddled against her side. Twilight was avoiding her eyes, rather sitting with a pout as she ran a hoof through her mane. She continued. “You see, when a young mare such as yourself reaches a... certain age, she’s going to start experiencing... changes.”

Twilight’s eyes went wide, and her breath caught in her chest. He feathers and mane all bristled as Celestia’s words registered, and she looked up, no longer pouting. “Wait,” she frowned, “Are you giving me...’The Talk!?’” Twilight almost screamed, the revelation hitting her like a brick wall, or a steamroller, or a brick steamroller wall.

Celestia nodded, yes, continuing as she spoke. “You’ll also start finding certain new ‘interests’ in life beyond just books, and sometimes you will act a little—”

“Woah,” Twilight interrupted the princess, still in the uphill climb of her impending freak-out. She shook her head, and waved her hooves as she repeated, “Woah, woah, woah, woah. Time out!” She tried to pull away from Celestia, only succeeding in ruffling her feathers and making a mess of her mane.

She turned around, glaring with a raised eyebrow, up to her former mentor. “Wh-” She stumbled on her words, screaming, “What!?” and quickly added in, “I’m twenty-six!”

Celestia averted her eyes for a moment, contemplating something. “Well... Alicorns do develop at different rates from normal ponies, after all,” she sighed, rolling her eyes. “But I’d expected that to be common knowledge to you. I mean”—she motioned to her chest—“looked at myself and Luna. We’re both over a thousand years old.”

“Yeah, bu—” Twilight stammered again, her mind racing to process this new information. A faint blush made itself known between Twilight’s cheeks, and she squeaked out. “You’re gods!”

“We’re alicorns, Twilight. No different than yourself, just older and wiser. Compared to us, you are but a foal.”

“B-but-but-” Twilight’s stammering intensified. Her eyes glanced around, looking in all directions as she fought for some kind of explanation, her expression growing all the more distressed. “It—” Her frown deepened. “It can’t be...”

“It’s okay,” Celestia cooed. She brought her hoof up to brush Twilight’s mane once more, and hugged the princess closer to her chest to comfort her. “...You don’t have to tell Saurin.”

It was, at that very moment, that Twilight’s already fractured mind shattered. She blushed intensively, “Wh—” and did a double take, pulling her face away from Celestia’s chest to look her in the eye. “But Saurin’s Rainbow Dash’s—I mean—” Her blush intensified, exploding into a deep crimson that covered her entire face, right up to the tips of her wing. She shook her dead. “Ewww!”

Celestia chuckled, watching as Twilight made a show of sticking out her tongue. The mare shivered, and shook, grappling with her hooves to get all of her wings to behave themselves. Unfortunately, every attempt only made it worse, with every touch causing them to spring back to full mast, further embarrassing Twilight.

Satisfied that Twilight wasn’t about to freak out and do another Twilight for her to clean up, Celestia gently patted the princess on her back and retracted her wings. “I have to go. The guards will have surely realised I’m gone by now.” Carefully extricating herself from her position, Celestia stood up and left Twilight to pick up the broken pieces of her chattered psyche. “As long as you don’t use more magic to make it worse, the wings should go away of their own accord, just be patient. I’ll have Luna sent down later this week with a care package.”

She had just reached the door, and had it held ajar in her magic, when one final chirp sounded from behind her. Celestia looked back to find Twilight still huddled behind the table, and peeking over it to look her way. “Um, Celestia?” She squeaked, “One more thing before you leave: Why weren’t there any books about this?”

Celestia laughed, “Oh, Twilight.” She pushed the door the rest of the way open, shouting over her back as she went. “Do you really thing I would want anypony knowing about my awkward phase?”

Epilogue

With the day drawing to a close, and the sun setting low over the horizon, we return to Twilight Sparkle in the middle of the one thing she loved the most.

Twilight Sparkle was sitting in the middle of the library, huddled up nice and warm with a mug in her hoof and a large, ten inch, five-hundred pound tome spread out in front of her. She was engrossed in reading, ecstatic even, and bore a toothy grin as she pored over the words with full rapt attention. As suggested by Princess Luna and her care package—and the begrudging help from Spike—she had her wings meticulously preened, combed, and tied back into bundles around her head to keep them from getting in the way whilst she read.

She was just leaving the bathroom when Twilight was lucky enough to happen upon Spike with this new book. Though, granted, it was more dusty than the time she’d gone digging through Starswirl’s Journal—Twilight brushed a hoof across the page, clearing it of the noticeable rubble, but it was still one she’d never seen before, and that made it new for her.

And to think Spike had actually thought to throw it away, too. Just because it was mistakenly filed in the jokes section doesn’t mean that How to Read – a proper guide to proper reading etiquette – for dummies wasn’t an important piece of literary knowledge.

Luckily, Twilight was there to save it. And, it’d take some convincing, but she was finally able to wrest it free from Spike’s grip, steal it away back to her library, and lock herself inside with it so she properly consume these words undisturbed.

Without so much as a blink, Twilight brought up her mug, and took a sip. She set it back down, and continued reading, not breaking pace as the dribble of white foam coated her lip, and threatened to run down her chin and back to her lap.

She was so engrossed in her reading about reading, that nopony seemed to notice as the library door clicked and creaked open behind her. There was some snickering on the other side, and the door began to swing inwards, before being jolted back against the enchanted chains around its edge.

“Oh, come on—” There was there was a frustrated sigh, and the groan, followed by the subtle squeaking as a large, white, puff of cloud forced its way up through the gap.

It trembled and bulged, and—finally—popped through with a silent pomf. It bobbed slightly, and glided across the air, gliding silently overhead. The door was forced open again, slightly further, and Rainbow Dash moved in to squeeze sideways through the gap.

“Ugh—” she groaned under her breath, fighting against the doorframe to get through. “Come...” She pulled again, and brought up one wing. She’d managed her head, and two hooves, all she had to do now was—

CLACK

Something popped in Rainbow’s shoulder, and she tumbled through, catching herself mid air and directing her fall upwards to where the cloud was floating.

“Tip four hundred and seventy-six,” Twilight read aloud, as she wriggled with excitement. “Never lift your elbow beyond a straight forty-five degree angle, and ensure proper neck and back support to ensure—”

CRACK

Twilight was cut off by a deafening clap, and the crack of thunder from directly behind her. She almost jumped out of her skin, yelping, “Yah!” The book went flying, followed by a mug of hot chocolate and a reading lamp. Twilight’s mane bristled, standing on end. Her wings broke loose, flaring out like peacock trying to deter a predator, and Twilight pitched back in her seat.

She landed with a thud, her eyes wide, as she looked around the source of the disturbance. Luckily, she could see exactly where it came from. “R- Rainbow—hick – Dash!” she hiccupped. “What—hick –are you— hick –doing!?”

Leaning over the side of the cloud, Rainbow Dash looked down to Twilight with an innocent expression. She waved a hoof, rolling her eyes. “Well...” Twilight watched on a frown. “... I was waking up from my later-early-pre-dinner nap, when I remembered you little ‘problem’ and I thought: Hey, if it works for hiccups!”

Twilight’s frown grew deeper. “Hick” She screamed, “Get out!”

“Huh,” Rainbow huffed. She crossed her hooves and turned her muzzle up at the princess. “Fine, sheesh.” She leapt off the cloud, and took to the air, then circled back to push it in front of her back to the door. “’Last time I try to help.”

Author's Note

Poor, poor, Rainbow Dash. Always the slowest one to the party.

I hope you all enjoyed this story. For all its flaws, it really was a lot of fun to write, or, well, ponies are always fun to write.

This story ended up being a lot longer than I originally meant it to be, but the ending I have here (excluding the epilogue—that was something I wished I could put into the main story) has always been what I intended it to be—it just had to take 19k words to get there instead of 3. :twilightoops:

Anyway, thanks to you all for reading, if there’s any errors you see be sure to let me know and I’ll fix them. :twilightsmile: