Why Forgive Me After Inflicting So Much Pain?
After the fireworks display of Trixie’s performance, which was created by Starlight Glimmer’s magic; everypony in the audience stomped their hooves in applause of approval before leaving to go back home. To Trixie, this meant that the citizens of Ponyville have finally come to respect her after the two accounts of grief and chaos that she wrought upon them. One would think after two strikes, forgiveness wouldn't be possible. Non-existent if her normally hubris personality would influence her to do something way worse than being in possession of the Alicorn Amulet.
Fortunately, that didn’t come to pass--- and that luck somehow favored her so she didn’t end up as Manticore chow when Starlight came back after she was basically betrayed. Despite feeling relieved that Starlight forgave her, and finding out that she does indeed have a good and caring heart; Trixie was a bit confused and the concept of why Starlight helped her without even chasing after her to try and make amends?
To try and take her mind off this thought, Trixie thought it was best to ask Starlight to tell of her life story while the both of them striked the stage. If of course Starlight was okay with it that is.
Starlight was a bit unsure at first if she felt comfortable with the idea of recalling and telling what her mind went through and became after her first friend Sunburst seemingly abandoned her after getting his cutie mark. Of course both her and Sunburst reconnected and vowed to stay in touch after the events of Princess Flurry Heart’s Crystalling at the Crystal Empire. Still, this really didn’t help her overcome her stress cycles due to her diagnosis of PTFD by Princess Twilight, when Starlight decided it was best to mention this behaviour problem to her bookish instructor.
Twilight thankfully then taught Starlight a way of dealing with her stress by performing a breathing exercise that Princess Cadance showed her once. The exercise seemed to help a bit for Starlight, but their were still minor outbursts every once in great while; but nothing too big to worry about at all. Worst case scenario: she would probably just draw some attention to herself if she happened to be in a public area. This already had happened once before she decided to head to the spa to relax--- and unintentionally, but fortunately fall in with the infamous magician mare.
Trixie had just packed up the last of her equipment into the caravan as Starlight was wrapping up her story. Despite the aforementioned uncertainty, she followed Twilight’s advice to talk about her troubles to a friend or more on the intent of lifting off the burdening weight of guilt, and Starlight had to admit it does work, and the results are positive to say the least.
“...and that’s when I took Twilight by the hoof just as Rainbow Dash performed her sonic rainboom. I haven’t told Twilight this yet; but it was possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my entire life,” Starlight stated a bit dreamily as she finished coiling the last of the electrical wires over its hook. “You think that sounds a bit too cliche?”
Trixie gave an amused but friendly smirk and chuckle.
“Not at all. Besides you deserved to see one, with what you’ve been through in the past. I believe witnessing such a spectacle is the best solution for anypony’s self-realization.”
It was Trixie’s turn to look sheepish.
“I don’t suppose that was some sort of cheesy fact, was it?”
Starlight replied with a smirk of her own and a shake of her head.
“Of course not. Matter of fact, I believe it’s quite true. I mean if it gave Twilight and her friends their cutie marks all at the exact same time: then there’s no denying that it has a special kind of magic to it.”
Trixie’s smile wavered a bit, but remained as she tended to her thoughts on this matter while looking down on the floor.
“Yeah. It makes me wonder if I could’ve been a better pony if I witnessed that rainboom myself.”
Starlight curiously cocked her head to the side.
“What were you doing at the time it happened?”
“Probably too busy isolating myself in my room practicing tricks, or fawning over the biography and legacy books of the Great Hoofdini,” Trixie replied with a shrug. “I do happen to recall a minor quake happening once during one of those sessions. It baffled me and my family since our home was nowhere near or on a faultline.”
A look of realization then was displayed on her face.
“That must’ve been the shockwaves when the rainboom happened. Gosh I feel dumb enough for having the blinds to my bedroom window closed at that very moment.”
Trixie then sighed and sat down on her flank to continue to wallow in a moment of self pity. Seeing this, Starlight walked over to her and gently placed a hoof on her shoulder, prompting Trixie to look up into her friend’s caring plum eyes and comforting smile.
“Hey. Don’t beat yourself up over that has happened so long ago,” Starlight said, despite her own transgression of continuing to do so herself; but she knew she had to be supportive for a friend like Twilight instructed her.
“You couldn’t have known, and I’m pretty sure nopony could either if they had some way of blocking out the outside world. You know, I had a similar experience during my moping period after Sunburst and I first departed. I just wanted to be with myself, my pillow, and the blankets covering up my head to prevent the elements of the outside from coming in. For extra precaution, I had my blinds shut to. I guess this is another event that makes our friendship special and meant to be, huh?”
Trixie smiled and emitted a slight giggle.
“If fate wanted us to have similar events in the most unconventional of times in order for a common bond of friendship; then I agree with that statement.”
Both mares shared a brief laugh at this revelation before pulling themselves together and finished up putting the last of Trixie’s belongings in her caravan before she officially closed it up for the time being. Starlight then said, “ You know if it will help make up for anything, I could request Rainbow to perform a sonic rainboom for you if you happen to be in Ponyville again sometime.”
Trixie raised a brow.
“You think she really would? More importantly: could she do it again?”
“Well of course she can,” Starlight replied, if a bit boastfully. “She’s like the only pegasus pony who can pull it off in this era; and she’s done it on more than one occasion.”
Trixie still wasn’t sure if she should buy into these kinds of proclamations, but thought it was best not to question them in fear of hurting Starlight’s feelings again.
“Then I’ll look forward to my next visit here then. Still, I wonder if she’ll actually take requests for such a task?”
“Believe me. That mare loves to show off her aerobatic stunts,” Starlight assured with a non-sarcastic roll of her eyes. “But I think it would be best if I start up on my research of the Wonderbolts before I decide to give my appeal for you.”
“Why would you need to do that?” Trixie asked quizzically.
“Let’s just say she doesn’t take to kindly to those who know nothing about her idols,” Starlight replied with a handdog’d look as she remembered Rainbow’s priceless, but somewhat daunting faic reaction.
“Oh. Well I wish you the best of luck on that,” Trixie said, but she wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to say.
“Yeah. And I wish the same kind of luck to you on the road,” Starlight replied with an equal sense of uncertainty.
There was a brief moment of awkward silence as both mares said nothing and looked around at random things besides each other. It was then Trixie that broke the silence.
“Well. I best be heading off now. This caravan doesn’t travel by itself you know.”
Trixie meant that as a joke, but the way she said it sounded like unintended sarcasm.
“Are you sure you don’t want to spend the night in Twilight’s castle?” Starlight asked with a hopeful, but worrisome smile. “She has plenty of guest bedrooms and amenities available. Besides, this would be the perfect opportunity for you two to try and make up for all the times you went against each other.”
Trixie took a moment to think about this offer. As good as it sounded, Trixie already knew what her answer would be.
“I know, Starlight. But I’m not sure if I feel ready just yet. I know she has come to respect me, just like I do with her; but I just need some time to process all of this since I’m not exactly sure if I’m use to it for the moment since it all seems so brand new. I don’t mean that as a bad thing of course. You understand what I’m trying to say, right?”
Starlight smiled and nodded.
“Of course I do. I just hope you’ll come back a bit sooner. I’m going to miss you.”
“Well let’s not make this sound like it’s a last goodbye or anything. I plan on sending you letters between shows, or whenever I have some down time,” Trixie reassured. “Just be sure to write back now.”
Starlight couldn’t help but laugh.
“Of course I will. Just don’t be alarmed if a wisp of magical smoke happens to shoot through your window. It’s only Spike’s special way of delivering letters.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. I just hope you can wait a bit longer for my letters since I don’t think any other place in Equestria has baby dragons with magical fire breath.”
Both Starlight and Trixie shared another heartfelt laugh before giving one another a farewell hug.
“I wish you well on your upcoming shows, and I can’t wait to help you out with your next performance in Ponyville.”
Trixie perked up.
“You would do that for me?”
“Well of course I would. What are friends for, right? Just promise me that you won’t attempt to jump into anymore creatures that would take the pleasure of eating you alive in the meaning of entertainment purposes.”
“You have my word,” Trixie said with a bit of a laugh, but then it reverted to a sad frown as she recalled the memory with a what if category. Starlight took notice in the sudden shift of demeanor and was immediately worried that she might have struck a nerve somehow.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t to sound sardonic or anything. I’m actually really worried about your safety,” Starlight said in a way that sounded like the start of a series of rambling apologies.
“Starlight, relax. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Trixie reassured. “I just have something else on my mind that’s all.”
Starlight raised a brow.
“Really? What is it?” Starlight realized she sounded a bit too pushy. “Pardon me. What I meant was; you shouldn’t ever conceal what you’re feeling deep down from your friends. Doing so could hurt them and strain the friendship and trust that they’re trying to give. But it hurts the reluctant individual even more.”
Trixie pondered Starlight’s explanation, and she admitted to herself she had a direct point. The more she held on to this kind of pain, the worse she felt about having it.
“I suppose you’re right,” Trixie said finally. “Very well, I’ll tell you. But two things. First, I’m assuming that is a lesson that Princess Twilight taught you. Correct?”
“Guilty as charged,” Starlight replied sheepishly with a light blush on her cheeks while she rubbed the back of her neck with her right forehoof.
Trixie chuckled a bit at this, but then returned to her previous serious, but slightly anxious stature.
“Now second; can you promise me in return that you won’t think of me sounding ungrateful or anything, when I’m really not?”
Starlight nodded even if she really didn’t like where this conversation could be going.
“I promise.”
“Okay,” Trixie began before taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. “Why did you come back for me?”
Starlight was completely perplexed and taken aback by the question at first, but when she thought about it more; she knew what Trixie was getting at.
“Well for one thing: I couldn’t just let you perform a highly dangerous, if fatal stunt without somepony who be able to perform the right spell to get you out safely.”
“Yeah. But why would you think of helping me after I pretty much used you to get back at Twilight?” Trixie asked a bit more firmly, but her eyes were starting to mist over. “I think I would’ve deserved to be digested by that Manticore after what I did to you.”
Starlight suddenly raised both her forehooves and used them to grip both of Trixie’s shoulders. This prompted Trixie to look up into Starlight’s now shocked, but pleading eyes which were already half full of tears, ready to pour out.
“Don’t you ever say, or even think about something like that, okay?”
“But why? What could ever a better punishment for me? I didn’t even bother to try and come after you to make any kind of apology! Why would you still want to be friends with somepony so horrible and self-centered as me?” Trixie’s voice was starting to break a bit, but she forced herself to stay together.
“You’re not either of those things, Trixie,” Starlight insisted, but it did little to no good to provide assurance to the distressed and self-complicated showmare. “You just made another mistake that was capable to bounce back from. It’s true that you really did hurt me, and if I was anything like my old self: I would’ve easily and completely turned my back on you with possibly no regrets.”
A sob from Trixie’s throat shot up, but she covered her mouth just in time, so it only came out as a muffled squeak. The tears that have been welling up in her eyes however had already began spilling out.
“But I didn’t,” Starlight continued as she placed her right forehoof under Trixie’s chin, making her look into her eyes. “You see, Trixie. Not only did Princess Twilight and her friends show me the true meaning and happiness of friendship; they unlocked something within my own heart that I thought I lost all those years ago… empathy. I love you as a friend should, and I’ll do what I can to be there for you no matter how bad things may get between us, or the rest of our friends.”
Trixie tilted her head in slight confusion.
“Our?”
“Of course. I know we haven’t crossed that bridge just yet, but I know for a fact that Twilight and the others would make an acception to welcome you into their friendship circle. They did for me.”
Trixie’s composure was rapidly beginning to falter, but she was still persistent in her efforts to hold back enough for her to say, “D-Do you really think they will?”
“They better, or I’ll just have to find a way to convince them to see how truly great of a pony you are, like you are to me. Heck, I’ll even put powerful in there if that will help?”
Trixie laughed at the statement, but then her chortles had turned into the sobs that she had been holding in for most of the time. She then wrapped her forehooves around Starlight’s shoulders, and used the support to bury her face into the base of her neck which she used to dampen her wails with.
Starlight was surprised at the gesture at first, but didn’t hesitate to return the embrace as she let her friend release her emotions while gently patting her back and whispering her assurance to let it all out. Starlight knew for a fact that Trixie wasn’t weeping out of despair or anything like that. Instead they were ones of pure joy and positive optimism. It was quite easy to tell since Trixie managed to choke out a ‘thank you’ a few times.
When Trixie finally settled down after a couple or a few minutes, she released Starlight from her hooves and gently wiped her eyes with a small, relieving smile on her muzzle.
“How do you feel?” Starlight asked.
“Like a hundred bits,” Trixie replied with a sniff. “Honestly though, I’ve never felt this kind of happiness before. I’d never really knew if I wanted it in the first place--- but I do.”
Starlight gave a proud grin with her eyes closed.
“You and me both.” She then opened them as her expression became somewhat of a saddened smile. “Now are you absolutely sure you don’t want to spend the night here in Ponyville? The offer is still open and Twilight should be alright with it.”
Trixie took another moment to think this over. It took a bit longer this time, but it was worth the benefit.
“You know. After what we’ve been through tonight, and what you’ve told me; I’ll believe I’ll take you up on that offer.”
Starlight’s eyes brightened up as her grin widened with a signature *squee*.
“Fantastic!” she cheered, but then excused herself as she relaxed. “I mean, let’s get going then. It’s getting awfully late and my eyelids are starting to feel a bit heavy.”
Starlight then yawned to further prove her point of drowsiness. Trixie happened to do the same.
“Alright then, but first let me try and get myself together first. I really don’t want Twilight to see any evidence of me previously being mushy, if that’s alright with you.”
Starlight waved a hoof dismissively with a chuckle.
“Go on ahead. I’ll wait here all night if I have to.”
Trixie just smirked and winked before disappearing into her caravan, and shutting the door behind her.
While she waited patiently, Starlight thought to herself, ‘She may still have a big head and be overly confident; but I know this will be a mark of an interesting and great friendship that I wouldn’t give up for anything in the world. Her and the others *are** my world*’.
