I was making good progress; I had nearly reached the impact site in a fraction of the time it took me to escape in the Titan. The use of a jump kit and having a cleared route were contributing factor, but I'd like to pretend I was just awesome. I couldn't make out any of the xenos from earlier, so it was likely that I'd succeeded in scaring them off. Deciding that I hadn't tempted fate enough today, I set out vaguely towards the direction I saw the purple one head off towards.

After mere minutes I could make out a thinning of the trees as the forest ended. Settling down in the branches of one of the last trees, I looked outward; beyond the treeline lay a rustic looking town, completely with cobbled roads and thatched roofs. Real storybook sort of shit. Between here and there, however, lay a growing set of jury-rigged fortifications. If they were expecting...woah, picnic tables and picket fences to stop my Titan, they would have been in for a surprise. Most surprisingly, however, were the ones constructing the fortifications.

The radiation spewing, shield defeating xenos were colorful, stocky equines. To top it off, they were garbed in a mix of silver and golden armor. Horse armor. The thought was absurd. I'd thought for a second that, maybe, these were just the steeds of the hostiles milling about, but no, that one was actively pushing a table into place! Jesus, I'd stumbled onto a mysterious planet full of potentially sapient alien horses. I should have been more intrigued by the fact, but instead I'd almost busted out laughing in the canopy, barely catching myself before causing calamity.

I continued scanning from the treetop, seeing that the larger white and gray ones were actively working to keep the crayola colored ones back. Clearly they were in some position of minor power, meant to provide security but speaking with authority. Police or military, basically. What was surprising were the variations between the horses. All the white horses bore a small set of wings, but were perfectly capable of lifting off into the air. Dusty coated stallions seemed to be the most normal of the three, but it was the gray ones that were mindblowing. It seemed all the gray coated equines bore some bony protrusion from their skull, and were able to friggen move shit with their mind.

At once, all the milling miniature mustangs stopped what they were doing, and turned to face some new figure. It moved into view, standing slightly taller than those around it. The armored beings all saluted this newcomer, and began gesturing towards the forest in earnest. It was still for some time, before flaring open its wings and sailing over the fortification, landing maybe thirty feet from the treeline. I could make out a long, spiraled horn on its head as well, and some strange marbling on its rump. Despite the assumed command position, it barely wore any armor; this might have been because its friggen hair was warping and flowing in some nonexistent breeze. If bad movies taught me anything, its that superpowers manifest themselves in weird ways, so clearly this horse had some sort of super-telepathy.

Okay, that was it. Tiny colorful telepath horses practically bowing down to a big blue freak horse. Something happened after that warp, and everything was too bullshit to believe. I chastised myself for using the anti-rad dose, figuring this all to be some cruel test by rescuing IMC forces; they must have gotten a whole team of eggheads to trick out a simulation and shoved my comatose ass in after discovering a failed warp drive back on the Troy colony. They really had me going, but it was time to end this game. Uncloaking, I vaulted up, pushing forward out of my perch in the canopy, and used my jump kit to propel myself towards the blue....thing.

Landing a few feet away, I presented a hand to the creature in anticipation of a congratulatory (and only slightly demeaning) handshake. "Okay, guys, you really had me going for a while there. I seriously thought I'd almost died getting to some uncharted planet, but don't you think you overdid that entry? Nearly had a heart attack with that crazy lightshow. An', uh, which one of you eggheads knew I was scared of horses, eh?"

Silence greeted me, and the being looked....puzzled, surprisingly. Being this close, I could see that it didn't really look like any horse I'd seen before, its eyes were forward facing and absolutely massive. It was also really expressive, and it looked like it was....well, studying me. Putting my hand down, I looked to the sky trying to find seams in the skybox, and spoke up. "You, uh, you guys can disable the Sim now."

"Parf ist ta narj o Kelstia vorx tu?"

A rock settled in my gut, but I pressed onward regardless. Closing the gap between the two of us, I began poking and prodding at the equine before me. It just stood there, slighly backing away when I got too close to its face, but seemed rather patient with my actions. A deep chill ran through my spine when I spun my hand through its flowing hair, so I made sure not to do that again. "Woah, you guys really put a lot of effort into this one, eh? Must've taken you lot bloody days to model it." I was playing with its ears when one of the white ones tackled me to the ground, shouting all the while in its grating language.

"Gest toos grobay oovsy tog ta Pronktress!"

It was joined by two of its identical brothers, stomping and snorting angrily in front of the blue one. I'd activated my jump kit, sliding me along the floor, much to the confusion of the being atop me. Using this surprise, I was able to roll and throw it off, rising to my feet and drawing my smart pistol. Simulations simulated pain (who knew?) but this was something else; the horse was legitimately crushing my ribs. One sure-fire way to test it was to break something: gibs were hard on processing power, so everything de-rendered when destroyed. But a significantly less stupid way was just to fire my pistol; if the casings remained, I'd be in trouble.

Spinning around (again, much to the confusion of the beings before me) I rapidly discharged the suppressed firearm, letting the casings and its empty magazine clatter softly to the cold earth below. A deafening silence reigned in the aftermath of the shots, and after some time I reached down, picking up the mag and a few casings. Well....fuck. Aware of a soft clattering behind me, I attempted to load another magazine into the gun. I'd just emptied my best defense in front of actual aliens, how fucking stupid was that plan?! Before I could slam the mag home, the gun was ripped from my grip, and I was lifted into the air with a mysterious lurch. A deep chill surrounded my wrists and shoulders, and I was absolutely sick to my stomach as the world seemingly spun below me. My legs locked up momentarily before becoming unresponsive to any commands and flopped uselessly below me. I was in a world of shit, basically.

Luckily, it all ended as abruptly as it started, with one of the gray horses panting and groaning, grasping its head in pain before me as I crashed to the ground. I scrambled backwards away from them as best I could, but dragging my heavy prosthetic proved quite a challenge. Several of the other armored horses were gathering in a semicircle around me, slowly closing the distance in a subtle show of force. As another gray horse flared up its spiraled horn in a glistening green light, I drew my RE-45 from its holster and fired a burst into the air before pointing it at the approaching ponies. Given that this pistol was un-suppressed and automatic, the gunfire proved significantly more effective at intimidating them than the smart pistol had.

"Back the fuck up!" I shouted, trying to buy time for my legs to reboot. I couldn't very well drag myself with one arm, and I'd wanted to maintain a firm grip on the gun lest it be torn from my hands again. I could hear the electronic whir as the advanced prosthetics synced with my nervous system. While I'd never regained proper feeling with these limbs, there was a sort of....presence to them. Hammond Electronics, the public face of the IMC back home, claimed it was all 'simulated touch' and whatnot, but that was all hogwash and PR; still, I could slowly 'feel' as my legs came online. Springing up, I cloaked and broke for the forest as quickly as I could.

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I thought I'd made my way back towards the crash site, but it should have come into view after mere minutes, and it was almost an hour after being manhandled by alien superhorses. I hadn't even seen the massive trail my Titan carved through the forest, leaving me wondering just where I was. Whatever they'd done had left me dizzy and disoriented, and all around miserable. I could have passed the castle and not even known it. After falling facefirst into the mud for the third time, I'd figured that I wasn't being followed, and it would be impossible for me to regain my bearings to get back to Borak.

Luckily, I had an ace up my sleeve.

"Borak, this is Elliot. Home in on my location, double time."

After a brief delay, and through a hefty amount of static, his reply came. "Understood sir, entering Follow mode. ETA: Seven minutes."

Woah shit, I must have made it closer than I thought. Still, rest was nice, and I was content to sit against a tree and rest. Removing my helmet, I rubbed my temples in an attempt to soothe my aching head, but it was useless. The deep earthshaking rumble of footsteps nearby wasn't helping.

"Hey, Borak, keep it down, would ya, my heads killing me here...."

The footsteps drew nearer, and seemed to squelch less in the muck than my Titan would....
"Sir, linkup is still an estimated three minutes away. Radar scans indicate enemy Titan presence nearby. Caution is advised."

A strange hissing sound filled the air, and despite all of the forest having a rank smell of decaying foliage, it suddenly reeked of carrion and rot. I looked around, and was faced with a sprawling four headed yellow beast half sunk in the muck. Its body would have matched an Atlas in height, but its towering necks raised its total height to around fourty feet. With a deep gulp, I rose to my feet and unholstered my sidearm, not that I thought it'd help me much.

"Borak? If I sound terrified, its probably because...."

Two of the beast's heads roared, filling the clearing and bringing further pain to my aching head. One of the heads simple licked its chops, gazing hungrily at me. Welp....its been fun. Without warning, it shot forward like lightning, impacting the ground where I'd stood mere moments before. I don't think they expected me to leap upwards, and with the aid of my jump-kit, I was able to mount its massive head, grabbing hold of a loose leathery scale and bringing my sidearm to a depression in its skull.

"The bigger they are...." I began unloading the automatic firearm, treating it like any Titan Rodeo. Pausing to reload, I was distraught to see the tattered flesh below stitch itself together, white bone soon being obscured by fibrous muscle and a sickly yellow hide. A light sizzle and smoke rising from my gloves showed that its skin was burning at my touch, thought without affecting the creature. What kind of deathworld evolution gives something acidic skin?! With a sharp, backwards snap of its head, the massive beast was able to fling me off my perch, sending me through the air to the ground far below.

I prepped myself for impact, knowing that despite the springs in my legs and my jump kit, it'd be a hard landing, and a slow recovery would mean the beast would have time to gobble or crush me like a grape. I was quite surprised to be snatched out of the air mere moments before contact. The familiar whirring of advanced machinery filled my ears as Borak lifted me into his torso, seating me in the roomy cockpit and sealing the hatch.

"AI mode disabled, Pilot mode engaged. Welcome back Lieutenant Faraday, I kept the seat warm for you."

"Borak, you big beautiful bastard, don't you fucking scare me like that again!" I keyed the loudspeaker and faced the sprawling giant before me. "Now....you wanna brawl, motherfucker?! Bring it on!" I couldn't help but taunt the massive beast through my loudspeaker. Despite it still having a height and head advantage, I was dead certain I'd had several tons on it, and it was all flesh. Bullet resistant, highly regenerating and slightly corrosive flesh, but flesh nonetheless. One of the heads charged forward, and I caught its jaws, keeping it from rearing back. Despite its massive, robust muscles objecting, I held its head in place and slowly turned. Screaming its protest, I swiftly rotated in the opposite direction, using its own momentum as a springboard; a wet crack echoed through the clearing, and the sprawling head lay limp in my Titan's arms.

I was suddenly thrown backwards in my seat as two of the heads hammered my Titan, throwing it off balance and crashing to the ground. A mammoth leg descended on the Titan's torso, pinning me in place, and while my shields flared in anger, they were draining fast; I'd be crushed unless I took immediate action. Maybe melee was a stupid move.... Selecting the right munitions, I'd loaded my launchers with the WP incendiary. With the press of a button, the air surrounding us filled with a dense white cloud. Almost immediately, the titanic monster began reeling back, screeching in pain as its skin blistered and boiled under the barrage of burning phosphorus. The thick forest around us followed suit, and I could see flames licking at my slowly recharging shields. I slowly walked out of the cloud, miming the action of cracking my Titan's knuckles as the world burned around us.

"Try to take me out, decide I'm a quick meal; " I'd unhitched the chaingun and took aim at two of the remaining heads. Despite the flailing heads, I was able to track them fairly well, only using up about half of the magazine. It still took a decent volume of fire to penetrate each skull, flaming viscera and fragments chipping away under a flurry of tungsten and lead. Only one head remained, writhing and missing a deal of its mass. It weakly roared in my direction, staggering away. I let it go, it'd likely not survive the night. Or, it would regen from its damage and hunt me down. Meh, I'll cross that bridge when I get there....

Turning around, I'd started to make my way back to the castle, when Borak warned of a massive radiation spike. Bringing the gun up, I scanned the clearing and saw a multicolored assortment of the tiny horses. They weren't, however, focused on stopping me, but directing their attention towards the lingering fire threatening to devour the forest in their vicinity. I noted that the purple and white ones were sort of glowing, and directly combating the fires in the trees. Still, my lingering headache warned me against close contact with any of these strange creatures.

Taking care not to crush them underfoot, I made my way back to the castle, leaving them to deal with the fire.

Author's Note

Writing broken languages is literally just slapping keys on the keyboard until it looks alien enough.
Tu always mean You, but thats really the only constant there is.

Language barriers, YEAH!

Also, daily reminder: Do not play with horse princesses' ears unless you want to have a bad day

I wrote the hydra thing before Dragonman found this story
So I guess this went from being shameless idea borrowing to a lighthearted jab/ reference to that mess
Less successful because, I mean, Pilots are sick as shit but
Have you seen a hydra

To be fair though, rodeo-ing giant monsters has always been a really cool idea
Thats why i havent found anyone who didnt like Shadow of the Colossus