Screwball Over

by Warren Hutch

Rating: everyone
Tags: Screwball, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 16389

Third part of the "Screwball Trilogy". A profusion of peculiar pygmy ponies plagues Ponyville.

Several months ago, a strange little propeller beanie dropped out of the sky and landed in an abandoned field outside Ponyville. The ponies went about their lives, blissfully unaware of what lurked underneath, until today...

Published 2012-06-17 11:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-17 11:14:01 UTC

Chapter 1

There was a small field in a hollow in the hills outside of Ponyville that nopony really paid too much attention to. It was too rocky to grow anything on, too soggy to build on, and too far out of the way for anypony to bother with for any other purpose. Nopony really owned it, and if you looked at a map in the town surveyor's office, it would only show up as a couple of contour lines on an isolated hillside.

The only use the ponies of Ponyville put this particular parcel of land to was dumping useless junk. Long ago, before anypony could remember, somepony had hauled an old wagon out there and abandoned it, setting a precedent and founding a tradition, or more like a bad habit.

Over the years the wagon's collapsing chassis had come to hold a central place among a ramshackle pile of old appliances and worn out farm equipment choked with weeds and wound round with brambles. Anypony expecting to rummage for salvage would come away disappointed, and probably in need of a tetanus shot. There was absolutely nothing of value here.

One particular piece of debris stood out from the dull greys and browns of rotting wood and rusting metal, nestled among the dandelions and queen's lace at the foot of the junk heap. It was a sort of cap, a small dome of bright yellow and white, with a green propeller poking up from the center. No pony had brought it there, it had simply drifted down from the sky and settled one summer morning.

It had been sitting there for months, while the local pegasi brought rain and snow, or cleared the sky for Celestia's simmering sun to beat down upon it. It had been frozen and thawed, crawled upon by insects, and blown by the breezes that whistled around the hollow on occasion. For all the time it had been out in the elements, it was in pristine condition. No natural forces seemed to affect it, save for the wind which could occasionally cause the propeller to spin lazily on its axis.

One bright sunny day, when the air was still and none of the trees in the surrounding hillside thickets rustled, the propeller began to turn, slowly at first, then faster and faster until the vanes became a flat disk of vibrant green. The dome seemed to swell at some pressure underneath, which suddenly released with a POP as a gout of swirling, multicolored smoke launched it a hoof's width into the air.

As the vapors cleared and the propeller spun down to stillness again, something stirred underneath. A tiny, dusty pink snout poked out from under the brim, followed by a little head about the size of a walnut with swirling purple eyes and a spiraling purple mane with white whirls flowing through it at random.

It looked around with a curious expression on its face, and soon the rest of it wriggled out from under, revealing a pony like body less than hoof high at the shoulder, The image of a tiny baseball and a screw was emblazoned on its flanks.

After it had pulled its undulating purple tail free, it reached under the brim of the propeller beanie and drew forth a tiny cap of its own that was small enough to be worn comfortably by a grape, which it set on its little head.

Having girded its pate, the diminutive pony creature took a long look around, casting its swirling gaze in all directions. It drew itself up on tip hooves, and spoke in a voice reminiscent of a chipmunk given the power of speech and a lungful for helium. "Bing!"

After making its initial statement, it began to explore its immediate surroundings. It wandered to and fro among the weeds of the field, its rambling path marked by little more than a rustling among the tall grass.

After it had clambered over the piles of junk, investigated several rocks, stared at the open sky, peered intently at the ground, and made several failed attempts to communicate with whatever bugs it encountered with a loud declaration of "Bing!", it returned to the propeller beanie it had appeared beneath and sat on its haunches in front of it.

The diminutive creature let out a little sigh, hanging its head and scuffling in the dirt with its tiny hoof. "Bing..."

It looked up as the propeller started to spin atop the green and yellow dome that had spawned it. Another swelling, another POP, another cloud of swirling smoke, and the vanes slowed to a stop once more.

The little pony thing climbed to its hooves and reached under the bottom edge of the cap with its forelegs, lifting it up. Another tiny pink ponyoid lay curled underneath. It stirred and looked back at the original with identical swirling purple eyes. This new arrival regarded its duplicate, cocked its head, and spoke in a similar tinny squeak. "Pleke!"

The original little equinoid raised the brim of the beanie higher and reached out a hoof, helping its clone to its feet and leading it out into the sunlight. When the new creature was clear of the beanie, its predecessor reached up and doffed its cap, revealing a second tiny beanie underneath. With great ceremony, it placed the first on its duplicate's head. "Bing!"

The newly arrived creature looked up at the headgear with a grin full of crooked teeth. "Pleke!"

Both of the little pink pony things craned their necks to look back at the original beanie as the propeller on top began to spin once more.

***

Rarity let out a faint, weary sigh and slouched ever so slightly in her seat on an overstuffed divan as her friend and sewing supplies salespony Button Stitch tapped her hoof on the remote control of a slide projector, causing the fully loaded carousel to shuffle and click forward. An image of a beaming tan earth pony stallion clad in a rather loud shirt and standing before some kind of large, spherical shape appeared on the screen. "And here's Davenport in front of Equestria's second largest ball of twine."

The alabaster mare brought forth every scrap of vivacity she could muster to smile with something approximating interest. "Fascinating, darling..."

Button grinned and clicked the controller again. "And here's Davenport at the side of Equestria's second largest ball of twine."

Rarity could feel something inside her beginning to fossilize, but she kept up her convivial mask. "Amazing!"

The shutter clicked again. "And here's Davenport coming around to the back of Equestria's second largest ball of twine, but you can still see the side of it."

The pale unicorn's eye twitched imperceptibly as she maintained a cordial tone. "Astounding, Button dear."

Both mares turned their heads as the front door opened, streaming cheerful sunlight and fresh air into the heavily curtained living room. A stallion stood silhouetted in the doorway, his tail lashing with excitement. "Hey sugar-cushions! I'm home! Warm up those sizzling lips of yours 'cos I've got some great news for you! Why's it so dark in here?"

He reached up and flipped the switch by the door, drawing back in surprise at the sight of his blushing wife and a slightly dazed looking unicorn mare blinking in the sudden brightness. "Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't realize we had company. H-hello there, Miss Rarity."

Button got to her hooves and walked over to greet him, giving him a peck on the cheek. "That's okay, Davvy dear. Rarity and I bumped into one another at the spa this afternoon, and I finally talked her into stopping by to see our slides from the honeymoon trip to Hoofington."

The alabaster mare stood with a genteel, slightly fixed, smile. "Indeed, I simply had no excuse to stay away any longer." A touch of regret crept into her voice as she let out a strained laugh. "None at all."

A moment later she recovered her poise, flipping her luxurious violet mane and settling a bright expression on her face. "But I don't want to intrude if you have something important to discuss as husband and wife. I'll just be toddling along..."

Davenport held up a hoof to stop her. "No need, Miss Rarity, all of Ponyville's gonna know about it soon." He took Button's hoof in his own and gazed into her amber eyes with a broad smile. "We got the shop!"

The beige mare gasped and stood on the tips of her hooves with an elated grin of her own blossoming across her face. "Really? Prime Location accepted our offer? Oh Davvy, that's wonderful!"

Button turned to the alabaster unicorn with shining eyes. "Oh Rarity, it's like a dream come true!" The beige mare gave her unicorn friend an excited grin, hopping lightly on her hooves. "We're going to combine our businesses and move into a larger storefront. You're looking at the proud, future owners of Notions, Quills, and Sofas!"

Davenport threw a foreleg over his wife's shoulder and gave her a squeeze. "That's right. Once we put in our down payment, sign a few forms, and get 'em notarized, we'll not only be married. We'll be incorporated."

Button caught her breath and rounded on her husband, her gaze smoldering in her flushed face as her voice took on a sultry undertone. "Oh Davvy. That's so... so... Oh, I love it when you talk business..."

With that she threw her forelegs around his neck and pulled him into an eager kiss that caused a blush to spread across Rarity's alabaster features. She averted her gaze and scuffed at the carpet with a manicured hoof while the newly wedded couple shared their passionate embrace, oblivious to their surroundings.

Just as she was starting to edge sideways toward the door they finally disengaged. Rarity stopped cold with a nervous smile as Button turned to face her again, some stray curls of her golden brown mane falling across her brow. Davenport's knees went wobbly and his eyes crossed in the blissful daze that settled on his face.

The beige mare looked fondly at the elegant unicorn. "It's fitting that you're here to witness this."

A blush crossed her face as she cleared her throat self consciously. "Davvy's good news about the shop, I mean..."

She blinked away her embarrassment and continued. "You've been there for me every time my life has taken a turn for the better. I'm so lucky to have you as a friend."

Rarity gave the couple a warm smile. "Oh darling, you flatter me. I'm ever so happy for both of you. I'll be the first pony through the door when you open for business."

She bobbed her head toward the entrance. "Speaking of heading through the door, you two probably have a LOT to talk about. I should really get going."

Davenport's eyes finally uncrossed and he shook his head to clear it, fixing the unicorn with an earnest grin. "Not at all! I didn't mean to interrupt the slideshow. In fact, if you gals don't mind I'd be happy to join you in a nice long walk down memory lane." He gave his wife a wink and a squeeze.

Button brightened at the suggestion. "Oh! Well why don't we start over so we can all enjoy the show from the beginning."

The unicorn's alabaster face went even paler, as her pupils shrank to pinpricks. "NO!"

She caught herself, stammering to recover as a nonplussed expression washed over the earth pony couple's faces. "I... I mean, you KNOW darlings, this seems like cause for a bit more of a celebration. What say the three of us go down to Sugarcube Corner and have some celebratory sundaes. It'll be my treat!"

She pressed her case with a knowing grin. "I'd wager that when Pinkie Pie hears the news she'll want to get started right away on a party for your grand opening."

Button and Davenport exchanged glances, a smile spreading across their faces as the beige mare turned to her friend. "That's a great idea!"

The tan stallion nodded enthusiastically. "You had me at sundaes. Lets go!"

Rarity let out a sigh of relief as the earth pony couple made their way out the front door. She cast a wan gaze at the slide projector before she telekinetically unplugged it, suppressing the urge to tear the cord out at the other end as well. She trotted after them, shutting the door behind her with her magic.

***

The three ponies were soon sitting together in a booth at the town sweet shop, with Button and Davenport sharing a vanilla milkshake with two straws while Rarity daintily picked her way through a sundae of mint chocolate chip ice cream drizzled with raspberry sauce and caramel.

The alabaster unicorn was doing her best to make pleasant conversation, but found herself rather distracted. It might have been the half finished orders that hung on the dress forms back in her workroom. It might have been trying to come up with a polite way to avoid going back to watch the newlyweds' vacation slides.

Or, it may very well have been the bright pink, magenta maned mare who crouched behind one of the counters and peered at them across its surface, with her limpid blue eyes narrowed in a similar fashion to the way Rarity's pet cat Opalescence peered at her toy mouse when she was getting ready to pounce on it.

The two earth ponies sharing the booth with her were oblivious to Pinkie Pie's piercing gaze, sitting as they were with their backs to her. Rarity was a bit unnerved, and grew more and more so under the party pony's unflinching scrutiny. Usually, Pinkie never paid that much attention to anything for very long unless it was covered in cake frosting, or in imminent danger of becoming so.

Hoping to forestall this eventuality, Rarity cleared her throat and got to her hooves. "Excuse me, darlings. I need to go powder my nose."

Button nodded vaguely, her eyes locked on her husbands as they sat cheek to cheek drinking their sweet concoction and trading winks and smitten grins with one another.

Without further ado the pale unicorn set out across the bakery's tiled floor, picking up her pace as she approached her frizzy maned earth pony friend. She lashed her curling violet tail as she leaned in to whisper to the pink mare. "Pinkie Pie, before I point out that it's hardly polite to stare, might I be so bold as to inquire just what are you staring at?"

The apprentice baker kept her gaze leveled across the glass counter top at Button and Davenport, replying in a loud whisper. "Has Button Stitch been acting... weird today?"

Rarity let out a sigh. "Not unless one would call ensnaring a friend into viewing a mind numbing procession of vacation slides "weird"..." A shudder shook her frame from the very depths of her soul. "... which I would not, having become thoroughly acquainted with the practice while growing up with my parents and attending family gatherings with my aunts and uncles."

Pinkie continued to stare at the newlyweds, her brow knitting speculatively. "So... no turning pink and purple and speaking in gibberish, or spelling out random words with bric-a-brac, or painting ponies up to look like a Pichorseo?"

The alabaster unicorn pursed her lips, turning to peer dubiously over her shoulder at the two earth ponies. "N-no... Not unless she was nipping off between slides of Equestria's second largest ball of twine."

She cocked an eyebrow as she turned a quizzical gaze back to her magenta and pink friend. "Why do you ask? Are you having your Unknown Mystery X Twitch thing?"

The pink mare gave a brief shake of her head. "You mean X The Unknown, a.k.a. the Mystery Cross Twitch." A look of uncertainty crossed her open features as she reached up with a hoof to rub one of her eyes. "Well... No... But my ears and eyes have been itchy since this morning."

Rarity tsked and tossed her mane. "Maybe it's allergies, darling. Or maybe the lid on one of your canisters of sneezing powder isn't screwed on tightly enough." She held back the part that had crossed her mind about other things that weren't as tightly screwed on as they ought to be.

Pinkie's brow furrowed. "I dunno... I just can't help but feel something's... out of whack... Maybe..."

The alabaster mare held up a manicured hoof to silence her, shaking her head with a slightly upturned snout. "Even if I hadn't just spent all afternoon sitting on one of her couches watching slides, during which absolutely nothing unusual or even mildly interesting happened, I'd say that whatever you imagine was happening was extremely unlikely."

She cast another glance back at the beige mare and tan stallion. "Twilight examined Button quite thoroughly after that last... incident, and several experts from Canterlot University appointed by Princess Celestia herself did the same. They all declared her completely cured of her... affliction."

The party pony proceeded to pout. "But..."

Rarity fixed her with a stern glare. "Darling, I know you mean well, but as both your friend and hers, I must insist that you let the matter drop. She and Davenport are ever so happy right now, and I won't have you upsetting her hard earned peace of mind by dredging up things that are better forgotten."

Pinkie rested her chin on the cool glass of the counter, tearing her gaze away from the couple and meeting the unicorn's sapphire eyes with her limpid blue ones. "But... but..."

The alabaster mare leaned in, pressing her case in a harsh whisper. "Do you want to make her, or her husband, or me, unhappy?"

The pink earth pony reared back with a horrified expression. "Oh NO! Never in a kajillion years!"

Rarity narrowed her eyes. "Then swear that you'll keep your itchy ears to yourself."

Pinkie let out a sigh, reluctantly launching into an elaborate pantomime. "Okay... Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my HI THERE, BUTTON! Do you two lovebirdies need a refill on that vanilla shake?"

The pale unicorn nearly leapt into the rafters as she turned to see the beige mare standing next to her. "WAUGH!"

Button cast a curious glance between Pinkie and Rarity as the frazzled dressmaker caught her breath and held a hoof to her chest, trying to get her heartbeat to slow down below a thousand beats a minute. The beige shopkeeper gave them an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry to interrupt..."

Pinkie Pie instantly dropped into a cheerfully conversational tone, propping her chin up on the counter over crossed forelegs as her frizzy tail waved behind her. "No problemo, muchacha mio! Rarity was just telling me about the totally incredible vacation slides from your honeymoon trip. Did you guys really get to see Equestria's second largest ball of twine? That must have been super duper string-a-riffic!"

An eager smile spread across Button's face. "Words can't do it justice. It simply must be seen to be believed!" She gave a little hop. "I've got an idea! Davvy, Rarity, and I were all set to watch the whole slideshow from the beginning. You'd be more than welcome to join us!"

Pinkie in turn started to hop as well, grinning from ear to ear with a manic gleam in her eyes. "Oh, that would be GREAT! I bet I'd want to see 'em twice, maybe three times even!" She turned and started to poing away toward the kitchen. "I'm gonna go ask the Cakes if I can knock off early."

Button beamed over her shoulder as she headed back to the booth where her husband sat. "Wonderful! I'll let Davvy know we'll need to pull an extra couch down from the store room. We can set the living room up like a theater!"

Rarity stood with a stunned expression on her face, that darkened into a look of simmering rage as her ears levered back and her alabaster cheeks and brow flushed angry red. She glared sapphire daggers at Pinkie Pie's receding tail as it disappeared through the swinging double doors.

The fuming unicorn muttered through clenched teeth. "Oh, I'm gonna knock YOU off early for that, you balloon headed..." She trailed off, the epithets boiling away in her mind as a lady's decorum overcame, with considerable difficulty, a primal urge to leap over the counter and throttle Pinkie Pie with her bare hooves.

A moment later, the fury drained out of her as she slumped to her haunches with a defeated sigh.

***

Rarity spent the rest of the evening seated like a marble statuette on Button and Davenport's couch, a rictus smile set on her face. Pinkie bounced enthusiastically on the cushions beside her, exulting over each successive slide as if she were watching a fireworks display with birthday presents dropping from the sky on parachutes after every explosion.

By the third pass through the carousel, the pale unicorn was beginning to envy Princess Luna's thousand year sojourn on the lifeless face of the moon.

***

An earth pony mare with a coat the color of red grapes was making her way home late that night, a pair of saddlebags slung haphazardly over her back. She placed her hooves with deliberate care as she wobbled from street lamp to street lamp. She didn't need the lamps to light her way, since Princess Luna's moon hung gibbous in the dark velvet of the star speckled sky, but the posts provided excellent support when her balance didn't quite align with the pull of gravity.

It was during one such pause in her forward progress that some movement at the edge of the pool of warm light cast by the lamp caught her slightly unfocused eye. A procession of little pink and purple ponies, each only about as tall as her fetlock and wearing tiny yellow and green propeller beanies, marched in a line past her as she blinked, rubbed her eyes with a hoof, blinked again, and then stared with rapidly shrinking pupils as a look of dumfounded amazement washed across her face.

Occasionally one of the little ponyoids would stop and address her in a voice like a tiny kazoo, causing her to flinch back skittishly. "Greep!", "Oople!", "Imsk!", "Ning!", "Gimby!", "Hooba!", "Ootini!", "Mimp!", "Eegee!"

Eventually, they seemed to lose interest in her and just kept heading intently along their way.

After several minutes of watching the parade of diminutive creatures pass, she drew herself up with a look of bleary resolve, and then craned her neck to rummage in her saddlebag. A fumbling search later, she pulled out a flask, which she uncorked with a flick of her head before dumping its contents out on the cobblestones at her hooves. The grape colored mare tossed the vessel away and sat back on her haunches, placing a hoof over her heart and holding up the other as she solemnly muttered an oath under her breath.

Her brief ritual completed, she rose unsteadily to her hooves and staggered away into the night, while the line of tiny pony creatures marched resolutely onward.

Chapter 2

Button Stitch awoke from a night of troubled dreams to find herself... occupied. Not in the sense of being busy, but in the sense that fire marshals would post signs about on public buildings. A number of small living creatures were standing, sitting, and laying all over her, lightly pinning her down to her bed.

This was... definitely odd. She and her husband didn't own any pets. Were they mice? She'd never heard of mice gathering in large groups or holding nighttime jamborees on top of sleeping ponies. She'd also never heard of mice with little hooves, which she could definitely feel through her linen sheets as they walked around on her.

She was lying on her side, with her legs curled up to her chest and belly, facing away from her husband toward the door to the hallway. She could feel Davenport's warmth and weight beside her, and felt and heard his breath on the back of her neck.

She swiveled an ear to listen to her surroundings. By the tone and rhythm, and faint snore, of her husband's breathing, she could tell he was still fast asleep.

She could also hear a murmur of squeaky little voices. This could have confirmed the mice theory, but the mice she'd encountered tended to just squeak, and not form those squeaks into unintelligible little word fragments.

The low chatter of reedy gibberish was filling the room like an auditory layer of smoke close to the floor. There was also the rain-like pitter-patter of countless tiny hooves on her linoleum.

Button felt all of her muscles begin to tense. There seemed to be quite a lot of whatever these things were.

That was two senses down, and three to go. She decided to let smell have its turn next, and took in a slow, steady breath through her nostrils. In addition to the clean scents of soap and pine oil, and the intimate mustiness of a bed shared by two ponies, a strange odor permeated the room that seemed equal parts ozone, latex, and circus peanuts.

This, in addition to every fiber of her being telling her not to, made her discard the idea of tasting one of the little interlopers, mice or not, and so she was left with only vision to account for.

She knew that once she had seen what she was dealing with, she would be compelled to accept their existence and furthermore would be forced to do something about it, and so it was with great reluctance that she allowed one of her amber eyes to pop open.

Her gaze was met by a pair of tiny swirling eyes belonging to a little pink pony that was only about as tall as the breadth of Button's hoof. Its purple mane frothed and bubbled with curls of white around a tiny yellow propeller beanie, and a broad smile of crooked teeth spread across its face. The diminutive creature made a little hop toward her and waved its spiraling tail. "Ting!"

***

Davenport was awakened from a sound sleep by his wife screaming his name at the top of her lungs and furiously tap dancing on his pillow to the accompaniment of a cacophony of tinny little voices all gibbering at once.

He bolted to his hooves, scattering tiny, squeaking bodies in all directions as he stood on the mattress with his legs splayed and his fevered glance darting in all directions.

A carpet of little pink pony-like things covered the bed and extended in a numberless, ankle high herd across their bedroom floor and out into the hallway, all hooting and beeping and jabbering with alarm and agitation.

They were drowned out by Button's shrieking as she climbed up her husband's frame and stood perched on his back, her eyes wild and her hair in tangles like a madmare. He reared in blind panic and made a mighty leap off of the bed, nearly throwing her off had she not dropped to her belly onto his back and wrapped all four legs around his middle in a death grip.

The throng of tiny pink invaders parted like swirling leaves before him, narrowly dodging his thundering hooves as the thoroughly spooked, disoriented stallion galloped out into the hallway with his wife clinging to his back, shrieking into his ear the whole way.

Together, the newlyweds half tumbled down the stairs, vaulted over two couches and barely managed to clear an ottoman, kicked open the front door in a spray of splinters, and charged into the sleepy morning streets of Ponyville, screaming a full throated duet of terror.

***

Rarity stood in the doorway to the Carousel Boutique, clad in her fluffy pink slippers and bathrobe ensemble with her sleep mask crumpled up across her forehead against the root of her horn. She stood with a deadpan expression, glaring out at the frantic pair of earth ponies that stood stacked on top of one another on her doorstep, jibber jabbering about a million tiny pink ponies invading their house in the night.

When they finally paused to gasp for breath, the alabaster unicorn's right eye twitched. She opened her mouth to speak, closed it, stared hard at Button and Davenport, and then sparked her horn to life and caused the door to slam emphatically shut.

Rarity spun on her slippered hooves, raised her nose into the air, and made to stalk back up the stairs to bed. Her tail lashed behind her as she muttered under her breath. "It's too flippin' early in the morning for this manure..."

She stopped, cringing with clenched teeth, as more frenzied pounding sounded on the front door of her boutique. Button Stitch's voice rang out in a hysterical crescendo over a muted rumbling sound. "Rarity, let us in! They're coming! They followed us! PLEASE LET US IN I BEG OF YOU!"

The unicorn hung her head with a growl. "Why couldn't I have been the Element of Serenity or something?"

With that, she turned and whisked the door open with a flare of blue magic. The beige mare and tan stallion tumbled in backwards, overwhelmed by a miniature stampede of diminutive pony-like creatures that washed over them like a tiny hooved tide. Rarity let out a silvery shriek as she leapt into the air and landed on the back of a nearby ponikin, her sapphire eyes wide with shock and alarm. The tiny pony things spread out on her showroom floor like a pink and purple carpet, nattering among themselves and looking high and low in swirly eyed wonder.

Button and Davenport surged to a sitting position and gasped for breath, throwing aside a covering of mini-ponyoids. Button spat out one that had tumbled into her mouth mid-scream, grimacing as she discovered it tasted like aspertame and naugahyde. It landed amongst its kindred with an indignant squeak. "Poit!".

The tan stallion scrabbled onto a countertop, pulling his sobbing wife up with him. They huddled in each others embrace, shaking like leaves as they looked down at the roiling sea of little creatures covering the floor.

The three ponies' heads whipped around in alarm as the sound of a cat shrieking split the air. Opalescence clawed her way up one of the large brocade curtains with her tail fluffed out like a bottle brush. She turned at bay atop the curtain rod with her back arched, hissing and spitting and swiping her paw at the milling throng of invaders as they stared up at her with cocked heads and swirling eyes.

Rarity's tremulous voice sounded out over the babble of tinny voices bubbling up from the floor. "Button Stitch, WHAT is going on? WHERE did these things come from?"

Button replied with a strained shriek. "How the foopnarple should I know? We just woke up with them all over the place."

The disheveled unicorn clutched the ponikin she was perched on tightly about its neck and started to shake it, her tone becoming hysterical. "And WHY did you bring them all HERE?"

The beige earth pony mare bellowed her reply as she grabbed her husband about the neck and did the same. "I came to you for HELP! I didn't TELL them to follow us! If I could make them go away myself I WOULD HAVE DONE IT BY NOW!"

Davenport pried his wife's hooves loose with some difficulty, his eyes uncrossing and growing wide as he stared at the floor and spoke in a harsh croak. "Gah... L-ladies, stop screaming! You're riling them up!"

Button and Rarity blinked and looked down with horror as the floor beneath them boiled with hopping, stomping, tail lashing, teeth gnashing little pony things. The unicorn brought a hoof to her mouth, as the earth pony mare shrank back in her husband's embrace.

They all went warily silent at the strident squawks and burbles coming from the turmoil below. Presently, like a pot that had been removed from the heat, the mass of tiny creatures seemed to settle down, the carpet of pink and purple leveling out as the babble of squeaks receded to a low murmur again.

The tense hush was broken as a bright pink head with a frizzy magenta mane poked in through the boutique's open doorway, casting about with limpid blue eyes. "HI! What's going on in here? Is it some kind of party? Are you guys pretending that the floor is lava?"

Davenport let out a very un-stallion-like scream. "EEEEK! It's their leader!" Button gave a frantic squeak and clapped a hoof over his mouth, casting a nervous gaze down at the horde of mini ponies on the floor.

An eerie silence fell over the boutique showroom, as the little creatures turned as one and focused on Pinkie Pie, whose ears levered back in alarm as her gaze met a field of tiny, swirling purple stares. She took a step back, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks, and the creatures all took a step forward. Sweat began to bead on her forehead, and she took another backward step, as the ankle high army arrayed against her advanced.

Pinkie swallowed hard, let out a nervous laugh, and cast a glance at her wrist. "Oh, look at that, it's time for me to go put on a watch. Bye!" With that, she hopped into the air, pivoted 180 degrees, and took off like a shot with a pink contrail and a shrill scream trailing behind her.

The horde of tiny ponyoids stampeded out the door after her, causing the floor of the Carousel Boutique to vibrate as the showroom was emptied out in short order. The ponykin that Rarity clung to wobbled erratically and toppled, taking the shrieking unicorn down with it.

A moment later she sprung to her hooves in the vacated shop and rushed across to the cringing couple perched on her display case. She reared up with wide, desperate eyes, pulling at them with her hooves. "Come on! Pinkie bought us some time! We have to get to Twilight Sparkle right away!"

***

Soon, Ponyville's resident scholar stood in her doorway, her violet hair mussed from having been awakened from a sound sleep at far too early in the morning for a mare of her usual nocturnal habits. She wore a groggy, puzzled expression on her face as she blinked at a trio of hysterical ponies who were now standing on her doorstep wildly gesticulating and babbling about hordes of tiny pink creatures.

The lavender unicorn cast a boggled glance down at Spike, who stood beside her rubbing the sleep out of his slitted green eyes with the back of a scaly hand. The little purple and green dragon let out a wide yawn and looked back at her with a helpless shrug.

Twilight met Rarity's desperate gaze with an apologetic expression. "I'm really sorry. I can tell you're all upset, but nothing you're saying makes any kind of sense at all."

The pale unicorn stomped her slipper clad hoof. "That's the whole POINT, darling! That dreadful Screwball character is back in force! Nothing it does makes any sense!"

Twilight cocked her head and pointed a hoof at the beige earth pony who stood beside her fellow unicorn. "But Button Stitch is right there, and she looks perfectly normal."

Tears welled in Button's amber eyes. "I'm not normal! I'm haunted! I'm being followed by a plague of little pink wierdos!" She let out a sob and slumped against Davenport, who threw a comforting foreleg over her shaking shoulders.

Rarity brought a hoof to her mouth. "Oh dear. Speaking of which, I do hope Pinkie Pie is doing all right. Last we saw her the creatures were hot on her heels. It was only thanks to her leading them away that we were able to escape from my boutique ourselves."

The alabaster unicorn's ears drooped as she cast her eyes toward the ground. "I should have listened to her. She knew something was up. She said her eyes and ears were itching yesterday when..."

The four ponies and small dragon started violently as Pinkie Pie suddenly burst out of a nearby stand of bushes with a wild glare in her limpid eyes. "FOREVER!"

She stopped, shook her head and cleared her throat. "I mean... HEY! You made me Pinkie Pie swear not to say anything about my itchy ears!"

Rarity recovered her wits and threw her forelegs around the pink pony in a hug. "Oh Pinkie, I'm so glad you're safe!"

Pinkie smiled and patted the frazzled unicorn on the back. "I gave 'em the slip once I exited the scene."

A grave expression flitted across her face. "It was pretty touch and go, though. I could have just as easily met a terrible offstage fate under a zillion little hooves. So thanks for the setup for an entrance, Rarity. I owe you one."

The other ponies all exchanged puzzled glances as Pinkie and Rarity disengaged. Button spoke up with a tremulous voice, her glance darting from side to side. "So... so where did all those little things get to?"

As the pink mare gave her an uncertain shrug, Spike spoke up, his slitted green eyes growing wide as he stared past the ponies on the library doorstep. "Uh... these things you're talking about... Are they about a hoof high, kinda pinkish, with little yellow beanies on their heads?"

The ponies all turned to see a stampede the innumerable pony creatures converging on them from all directions, a wave of gibberish preceding them over the rattle of their tiny hooves on the cobblestones.

Twilight let out yelp and her horn flared, causing a sweeping curtain of shimmering, translucent purple magic to form around the base of the great library tree. The vanguard of the bizarre mini-cavalry charge flattened against it in a cacophony of startled squeaks, squawks, and poots, their swirling eyes staring out of a growing pileup of pink, pancake like shapes. As the forward press of the vast herd slackened, they popped back into their pony-like forms and staggered about disoriented.

The lavender unicorn frantically waved the others toward the door. "Inside! Quick!"

Without any further ado, they all galloped into the library, slamming the door shut behind them.

***

The haggard group of ponies and the little dragon stared aghast over the railing of the library's uppermost terrace with eyes wide and jaws hanging loose as they beheld a blanket of roiling pink and purple covering every square inch of ground in about a half mile radius around the base of the huge tree, winding along the streets among the quaint buildings and occupying every flat surface at ground level.

Wherever the milling, fetlock high throng stood, alarmed ponies were craning their necks from windows and balconies, or perched atop awnings or in trees, watching their town become overrun with tiny, gibbering equimonculi.

Twilight scanned the perimeter of the undulating carpet. "Where are they coming from?"

Spike lashed his tail nervously as he peeked under the rail. "How many of them are there?"

Rarity chimed in. "Whatever do they want?"

Button let out a whimper as she huddled at her husband's side. "Why are they following me?"

Davenport threw a comforting foreleg around her shoulders, and peered down at the scene below with a grim expression on his face. "How do we get rid of them?"

Pinkie Pie cocked her head in thought. "Do you think a hydra would blow one giant bubble, or four smaller ones if you gave it a wagonload of bubble gum?"

They all gave a start as a sandy voice sounded out above them. "Those are all pretty good questions." The group of ponies looked over their shoulders to see a drowsy looking cyan pegasus with a rainbow colored mane hovering behind them. She cocked an eyebrow and gave Pinkie a dubious look. "Well, except the one about the hydra."

Unperturbed, the pink mare gave a little hop with a wide grin on her face. "Hi, Dashie! You're up early!"

The brash flyer yawned and stretched. "Couldn't sleep with all the racket going on down here. Soon as I looked out my window I could see something weird was happening down in town." She cast an expectant look at Twilight. "So what IS going on? What are all those little pink things down there?"

The lavender unicorn cast a pensive look over the rail. "Hmm. That's as good a place to start as any. Do you think you could fly down there and grab one for me to study, Rainbow?"

The hovering pegasus cracked her shoulders with a smug grin. "Does the dictionary need a picture of me next to the word "awesome"? Back in a second..."

With that, she climbed a several hooves in the air with a few beats of her cyan wings, then snapped into a steep dive, swooping in low over the field of tiny ponyoids. As she skimmed over the bubbling throng, she made a grab with her fore hooves and suddenly arced upward with something pink that thrashed and struggled in her grip. Rainbow Dash banked at the end of the street and doubled back toward the library, a wide grin on her face as she pumped her wings to gain altitude on her way back to the terrace where her friends waited.

She touched down on her rear hooves with her prize clamped between her fore-hooves. The little creature twisted and kicked helplessly in her grip, letting out a loud squeak of annoyance. "Goom!"

The cyan pegasus gave them a grin as Twilight reached out with her magic to take the strange mini-pony off of her hooves. "There ya go, one fun size weirdo, special delivery."

The lavender unicorn nodded absently as she peered at the poniform organism with an analytical gaze. "Thanks, Dash." She cast a glance toward her young dragon assistant. "Spike, if you look in the bin in the kitchen there's a big mayonnaise jar in there. Wash it out, dry it, and drive some holes in the lid with one of your claws, and then bring it down to the reading room for me, would you?"

The dragonet nodded briskly and scurried off to do as he'd been asked. Twilight looked thoughtful as the captured creature struggled in the grip of her magic, and turned back to the hovering pegasus. "Dash, it occurs to me that you should probably go get Fluttershy. Maybe her skill with handling small animals will come in handy here."

Rainbow snapped her a sharp salute and wheeled away, rocketing off across the sky over Ponyville.

Chapter 3

The tiny pink and purple creature stood in the jar on its hind legs with its little front hooves pressed against the glass, its swirling eyes wide with wonderment as it stared out at the large, slightly distorted world around its prison.

The looming lavender face of Twilight Sparkle gazed back, her brow furrowed in concentration beneath her glittering, glowing horn. A gossamer tracework of sensitive magical fields lazily drifted up and down and rotated inside the jar, probing gently at the captive pony thing. Occasionally it would exclaim as it watched the mystic light show. "GooOOOoomm!"

While their hostess had lost herself in her study of the strange little creature, the other ponies had all found something to do to take their minds off of being besieged by an army of miniature pony things. Rarity had retired to Twilight's bathroom to "make herself presentable" after giving Button and Davenport a brief brush down with the unicorn librarian's curry comb and brush. The beige earth pony mare had joined Spike in his morning shelving duties to calm her nerves, while her husband was well on his way to losing a game of pinochle with Pinkie Pie.

All of the library's occupants save for Twilight looked up with pricked ears at the sound of hooves clattering on the upper floors. Rarity poked her head out from the bathroom in a cloud of steam, a towel wrapped around her mane, as Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy came down the stairs from the balcony.

The blonde farm pony was wearing a harness and a pair of saddlebags, and had a pair of goggles over her eyes that she pushed up onto her forehead against her hat as she gave them all a nod in greeting. "Howdy, y'all."

The alabaster unicorn raised an eyebrow in bewilderment. "Applejack? How did you get here?"

The orange mare bobbed her head toward the two pegasi. "I hitched a ride from th' gals here."

She cast a glance over her shoulder toward one of the windows. "Land sakes if'n Ponyville ain't a sight right now. I ain't never seen so much pink on th' ground since Pinkie Pie let that batch o' frostin' git away from her."

The pink earth pony rolled her eyes at her from behind her cards. "That only covered one block, two at the most."

Rainbow Dash ruffled her wings and leaned casually against a bookshelf. "Fluttershy wasn't home, so I had to look for her. I finally found her over at Sweet Apple Acres, and once I told AJ about what was goin' on she insisted on coming along."

Fluttershy smiled shyly to them from behind her draping mane. "I'm sorry I wasn't home when you sent Rainbow Dash to find me. Applejack needed me to settle a dispute between two of her roosters."

She walked cautiously up to the stack of books where the jar sat, her aquamarine eyes wide with curiosity. She cocked her head in wonderment as she stared through the glass. "Oh my."

The tiny creature turned to face her, and spoke to her in a very matter of fact tone of squeak. "Goom."

The butter colored pegasus let out a peep of alarm and ducked down, hiding behind the edge of the table with only her eyes and ears peeking up at the miniature pony thing.

Twilight flicked an ear in acknowledgment as she peered into the jar, her magic reflecting in her large dark eyes. "Yes, it's fascinating. I never had a chance to study this creature during the last couple of incidents. It's alive, but not life as we know it. It's not composed of normal matter, and it's not a magical construct in the conventional sense. At the risk of using vague terminology, it's like they're made out of chaos, but it's chaos that's somehow organized enough to mimic a living being."

The little being sat on its haunches and nodded sagely. "Goom."

The lavender unicorn gave her friends a bemused look. "I'm detecting thought processes, but nothing that would be comprehensible to you or I. The most I can tell is that they seem to have imprinted on Button Stitch."

The tiny ponyoid turned toward where the beige mare stood shelving books. It gave a little hop with an eager smile on its face as it called out to her. "Goom!"

In response, the skittish earth pony gave a nervous squeak and recoiled, knocking a pile of books over onto Spike. With shaking hooves Button set about unburying the young dragon while offering a stream of breathless apologies.

Twilight gave a slight sigh and turned to bob her horn toward the pinochle game. "And they seem to have some sort of animus toward Pinkie Pie."

At this, the jar bound specimen turned its swirling gaze toward the pink party pony, its brow darkening as it squeaked in a voice dripping with venom. "Goom..."

The magenta maned mare tossed her head and turned a cold shoulder to her tiny antagonist, replying in a haughty tone of voice. "Hmph! I know you are, but what am I?"

Davenport looked at her over his losing hand with an eyebrow cocked. "Can you understand what it's saying?"

Pinkie shook her head as she casually rearranged her cards and tried to spell out words with them. "Nope! I just don't like the way it says it. I don't take any back sass from anything smaller than a loaf of bread."

Applejack ambled up and squinted her green eyes at the tiny creature. "So where do ya reckon they're a'comin' from?"

Twilight shrugged helplessly. "That I can't determine. I'm not even sure that they're operating under enough real world logic to say that they come from anywhere. They simply shouldn't exist in this world."

At this Rainbow Dash pushed away from the bookcase and dusted off, hovering above the growing huddle of ponies around the jar. "Y'know, I might have a guess about someplace we can look. While I was flying over town looking for Fluttershy, I could see two main concentrations of these little creeps, one of which was around your tree here, and the other was in this hollow outside of town. It's not like they're hard to spot from the air. When I did a low flyover I saw a trail of 'em heading from there to here."

Twilight nodded, and turned toward her assistant. "Spike! Go to the geography section and get the map of Ponyville please."

The dragonet shrugged off the last of the books and scampered into one of the side rooms, returning shortly with a yellowed roll of paper under his arm. He cast an annoyed glare at his guardian as she swept some books off the table onto the floor to make room, unrolling the map and flattening it with her magic.

She levitated a pencil over to Rainbow Dash, giving the pegasus a look of intense interest. "Show us."

Dash took the pencil in her teeth and drew a circle around the library tree, and then made another circle around a couple of contour lines marking a hollow in the surrounding countryside. She then proceeded to mark a dotted line between them. She pointed at the second circle with a hoof. "I'd be willing to bet all the foil backed rares from my Wonderbolts trading card collection that there's something there that'd be worth knowing about."

Applejack drew herself up and adjusted her hat, looking up at her pegasus friend with a lopsided grin. "Well, then, RD, I reckon you and me oughta head on up and check it out while the gals here try to figger th' angles on this critter."

The cyan mare gave her a brash smile in return. "Okay, but if I'm gonna keep havin' to airlift you everyplace I might need you to lay off the apple fritters for a while. I think I nearly pulled a wing hauling you into town." The farm pony's jaw dropped in shock and outrage as Dash darted up the stairs with a mocking laugh and a rainbow contrail in her wake. "Race you to the balcony, Applesnack."

The blonde farm pony lashed her tail angrily as she shouted after the pegasus. "Hey! I'll show you a pulled wing, you consarned fruit striped feather duster! Git back here!" With that she galloped up the stairs after her.

***

The junk pile was crawling with little pink pony things, who looked skyward as a large, winged shadow passed overhead. One that was perched atop the buckboard of the old wagon pointed skyward with a tiny hoof at the pair of ponies that dropped from the sky in a lazy spiral and called out a warning. "Moop!"

The milling horde cleared a patch of trampled ground as Applejack's hooves touched down. Rainbow Dash let loose of the harness straps and gained some altitude, hovering over her friend's head as she scanned the roiling pink field full of mini ponyoids around them. "So, any idea what we might be lookin' for here?"

The farm pony shrugged as she cast about as well. "I dunno. Somethin' weird, I reckon."

The rainbow maned pegasus gave her a dubious look before continuing to sweep her gaze across the carpet of creatures. "That's like searching a cloud bank for 'somethin' white', AJ. What if we..."

She paused, her attention attracted by something at the foot of the ramshackle collection of cast off appliances and farm equipment. She jabbed a hoof toward it. "Hold it, what's that?"

Applejack turned to look as her pegasus companion launched toward a large cluster of little pink ponyoids gathered around a yellow cap with a green propeller on top. Several of the tiny creatures spotted the cyan mare approaching. They lifted the cap off the ground and scurried away with it just as Rainbow Dash reached her destination, moving a bit too fast to stop gracefully.

She plowed into the ground, digging a furrow with her snout until she came to an undignified stop with her hind legs in the air on either side of her drooping, multicolored tail. Some of the tiny ponyforms around her stared with curious, swirling eyes, while others bounced and giggled, flinging themselves face first onto the ground in imitation.

The blonde earth pony picked up her hooves and gave chase to the group that had borne the hat away, her progress hampered by trying to avoid stepping on the little creatures as they scurried in all directions in her path. "Git back here with that, you ornery li'l varmints!"

Applejack made a leap for it as they darted under the half collapsed chassis of the old wrecked wagon. She ran solidly into the side, the force of the impact running all the way through her to the tip of her tail as the rotting wood cracked around her head. A flock of winged apples circled her head, chirping and tweeting, as she slumped heavily back onto her haunches.

A loud squeak and a squelching sound caused her to snap out of it instantly, hopping to her hooves and spinning around in horror. A flattened pink disk with a pair of crossed, swirling purple eyes lay on the ground.

A moment later, it popped back into the shape of a ponylike creature, which shook a tiny hoof at the mystified farm pony and gave an indignant chirp. "Narf!"

Applejack shook her head to clear it, adjusted her crumpled hat, and whistled over to Rainbow Dash, who still lay face down among a curious circle of mini ponies. "Yo! Rainbow! Quit watchin' the little Wonderbolts flyin' around yer thick skull and git yer rump airborne again."

The multicolored pegasus lurched upright and cast a glare in the earth pony's direction. She dusted off with a few flaps of her wings, and took up a position over the carcass of the wagon. She met the blonde earth pony's gaze and gave a nod, preparing a rapid dive. Applejack spun on her fore hooves and bunched her powerful hind legs, taking aim at the radiating pattern of cracks that her head had just made in the side of the crumbling haywain. She gave her companion a wink. "Okay, on three. One."

Rainbow Dash's maroon eyes narrowed. "Two."

Applejack grinned. "Three!"

The old wagon crumpled in the center in a burst of splinters as the professional apple bucker's hooves connected and sent the wreck spinning into the air. The cyan pegasus dove under the hurtling mass of junk and grabbed the yellow and green cap from among the stunned mini ponyoids before they could even react to suddenly being under the open sky again.

She grinned over her shoulder and gave a mocking laugh. "Hah! Faked you twerps right out of your beanies!"

Her head whipped around as the cap in her fore hooves started to vibrate, the propeller adorning its crest spinning like a top. She let out a startled cry, screeching to a midair stop as a gout of whirling smoke burst from underneath, followed closely by a tiny pink and purple pony who let out a startled squeak as it dropped. "Bleeeeeeeb!"

The pegasus tossed aside the hat, allowing it to flutter toward the ground suspended by its spinning propeller, and dove to catch the plummeting little creature before it hit. It looked up at her with wide, spinning eyes and gave her a crooked toothed grin. "Bleeb!"

Rainbow Dash drifted downward and set the tiny ponyoid gently on the ground among its duplicates. "There you go. Safe and sound."

She turned at the sound of Applejack's voice. "Nice catch!"

The cyan pegasus gave her friend a lopsided grin as she saw the earth pony farmer standing with the propeller beanie perched on an upraised hoof. Rainbow tossed her multicolored mane with a laugh. "Same to you, and more of it!"

Dash's expression changed to one of alarm as the horde of tiny pony things around Applejack's hooves started to surge in a pinkish tide, climbing up the blonde mare's muscular legs like swarming ants. The earth pony reared up, raising the captured beanie higher as she kicked with her other foreleg and batted the besieging creatures away with her tail.

With a rapid beat of her wings, the pegasus launched toward her companion and caught her by the harness, carrying her skyward as the surge of mini ponyoids dropped away with angry squeaks into the roiling mass below. After a few kicks of her hind legs, Applejack was free of passengers, panting for breath as she clutched the hard won beanie to her chest.

She looked up at Rainbow Dash with a wan smile. "That's another one I owe ya, RD."

The colorful pegasus scowled, looking back at the hollow as it receded behind them. "And I owe those little jerks some payback for attacking you right after I saved one of 'em from a pancake breakfast."

She cast a wary gaze down at the propeller festooned cap. "Let's get that thing back to Twilight so she can figure out how to stop 'em."

***

Twilight Sparkle looked up at her friends' expectant faces from a tabletop littered with gibbering little equimonculi scattered around the yellow and green propeller beanie. She bit her lip, her ears laid back and her eyes wavering. "I... I don't have any idea how to stop these things."

As if on cue, the propeller started rapidly spinning, and the cap jumped a hoof into the air in a puff of smoke. A moment later another tiny pink creature wriggled out from under the brim. "Klook!"

The lavender unicorn shook her head solemnly, ruffling her frazzled mane. "I've tried every spell I can think of, and even a few that only apply tangentially. Nothing seems to stop them."

Rarity pursed her lips as she used her telekinesis to catch one as it tried to leap down from the table and placed it back among its fellows. "Well, I think it's past time for you to send a letter to the Princess about this, don't you?"

Twilight let out a sigh and hung her head. "You're right..." She raised her voice to call for her faithful draconic assistant. "Spike?"

She looked up to see the little purple dragon holding a scroll up with a supportive grin on his face. "Signed, sealed, and ready to be delivered."

A fond smile flitted across the scholarly unicorn's face as she stepped forward and nodded for him to climb onto her back. As soon as he'd settled himself in his usual seat she galloped up the stairs, followed by her fellow Elements of Harmony as she hurried out to the top balcony of the library tree.

Spike drew in a deep breath as they stepped out into the bright midday sun. A flare of green flame curled from his lips onto the rolled parchment, causing it to vanish in a puff of sparkling ash.

The dragonet leapt down from Twilight's back as she ducked behind her telescope and trained it on the distant, gleaming towers of Canterlot Castle on the grey flanks of the mountain that loomed at the far end of the verdant valley that cradled Ponyville and its environs.

A few minutes later, Button Stitch and Davenport came up the steps to join them. The beige mare cleared her throat nervously to get the others' attention. "Um... More and more of those little... things are showing up. They're falling off the table and wandering all over..." She glanced over her shoulder, letting out a nervous whicker as she saw the little creatures begin to work their way up the steps. Davenport hastily kicked the door shut behind them and braced his hoof against it, casting the heroic circle of friends a pleading look.

Twilight grinned as she peered through her telescope. In the distance, the cupola housing the Royal Observatory rotated smoothly toward Ponyville, the vast lens of its own telescope pointing toward the besieged town. "Don't worry. Help is on the way."

Moments later, the assembly of ponies watching from the high platform let out a collective gasp of wonder as two coronas of magic burst in the air over the rooftops. One was radiant white, and one was a blossom of shadow, but both resolved into the regal forms of the immortal Princesses of Equestria, their broad wings beating through the cool air as their etherial manes and tails trailed behind them.

Four elegant hooves shod in gold and four in silver touched lightly down on the high terrace as the royal sisters' subjects made what space they could. Davenport and Button fell forward on their faces, while the rest of the mares took a knee and bowed their heads respectfully, save for Twilight, who smiled gratefully up at the elder binarch, her decorum forgotten in a swelling of affection for her mentor. She cast a fond gaze at the younger sister as well.

The royal siblings exchanged a wry glance in spite of themselves as the lavender unicorn gave a little hop. "Princess Celestia! Princess Luna! Thank you so much for coming so quickly!"

Celestia bobbed her long, tapering horn with a grave look on her face. "Twilight, my faithful student, my sister and I..."

She was cut off, blinking in shock, as a multitude of high pitched voices called up from the streets below in uncanny unison. "Princess Celestia! Princess Luna!"

The sisters wheeled and stared over the railing, as the bearers of the Elements joined them. Down below, a section of the pinkish blanket of tiny pony things began to roil and shift, galloping in a spiral that coalesced into a wide circle of empty cobblestones.

A line of pink trotted out into the grey expanse, shifting and looping until the procession of little creatures had formed a caricature of a grinning draconequis with his lion's paw and eagle's claw steepled in front of him. The tiny components of the image moved like a tightly disciplined marching band on a playing field, making the claw seem to tap on an interposing pane of glass and the mouth begin to move. The chorus of unified squeaks sounded over the eerie silence that had fallen over Ponyville. "Is this thing on? Are we rolling? Good..."

Twilight glanced at Princess Luna as the regent of the night's voice came in a bitter whisper. "Discord... O calamity and woe betide us..."

The lines of pony things moved to make the image raise its paw to its ear. "Hmm? What's that? Speak up, Princess Luna. Nopony's gonna pay any attention to you if you mumble."

The dusky moon princess launched into the air with flaring turquoise eyes, a crackle of lightning arcing around her starry mane. "BASE VILLAIN! I SHALT SMITE THEE FROM ORBIT WITH METEORS THRICE INSCRIBED WITH CURSES ETERNAL AND WREATHED IN ELDRICH FLAMES! I SHALT..."

The image of Discord rolled its eyes and casually examined one of the claws on its paw. "Save your breath, twinkle toes, I can't hear you. If you're seeing this message, then it means that somehow Celestia's farcical friendship fan fillies lucked into a temporary victory and I'm currently too busy growing moss to give a flying fig about your theatrics."

Princess Celestia reached up with a wing and brushed her sister's shoulder with a pained look on her face. Princess Luna looked abashed, and alighted on the balcony with a blush on her indigo cheeks. Both rulers cast a fierce glare down at the caricature of their ancient foe as it made a sweeping gesture with its paw. "So, Celestia. What do you think of MY little ponies?"

The regal stewardess of the sun furrowed her brow, her demeanor surprisingly icy for a bringer of warmth and light. "What are you up to, you old villain?"

The image steepled its claws with a gloating smile. "You're probably asking what I'm up to. Well, by now I'm not up to anything except the top of a pedestal, but that doesn't mean I didn't leave behind a few little amusements to play themselves out while I'm cooling my heels in the sculpture garden. You're looking at the endgame of one of them right now. Everypony knows that the one with the most pieces on the board is the one who wins."

The uncanny sound of innumerable squeaky little voices united in a sinister laugh echoed over the rolling hills as the princesses and the bearers of the Elements exchanged troubled looks. A smug grin formed on the image's face. "And one of the most pernicious parts of my perfectly prepared plan, my precious princesses, is your plucky little protege pushed the penultimate piece into place."

Twilight's pupils became like pinpricks. "Wh-what?"

Discord's image held up its paw, and a contigent of little pony creatures coalesced into a diagram of a propeller beanie. "That's right, brainiac. You got everything exactly bank flackwards, just as I expected."

More tiny pink figures broke into the circle and formed into the outline of a pony with a button and needle cutie mark in the draconequis' other claw. "That drab little fussbudget I found counting threads in her sewing shop wasn't a hole in reality, she was a plug."

Twilight looked over to see Button Stitch standing at the railing beside her, her amber eyes wide with horror. Down below the lines of creatures shifted so that the propeller beanie was placed on the pony figure's head. The cutie mark changed from needle and button to a screw and a baseball. The outline reached a hoof up and flapped at its lips as spiraling eyes appeared on its face.

The voices continued. "A plug that was juuust leaky enough that you couldn't help but want to 'fix' it. You pulled her loose thinking that you were 'curing' her."

The image of the ancient spirit of chaos plucked the beanie off and tossed the distorted pony shape over its shoulder into the mass of the throng. A surge of motion along the outline erupted as a galloping mass of tiny pink equinoids pouring out of the image of the hat.

The chorus of squeaky voices chuckled. "When what you were REALLY doing was opening the door under a WONDERFUL bucket full of chaos just ready to pour out over all of Equestria."

The caricature Discord reached up and formed the beanie into an umbrella, which it held over its head as more little creatures poured down on it like rain. It held a paw out flat in the open space around it, casting a sidelong grin and a wink. "I was never really good with numbers. Maybe Princess Moon Pie can get out ye olde abacus and calculate how long it'll be before every inch of Equestria is swamped with pink and purple pygmy ponies."

The image waggled its eyebrows and pinched its nostrils shut with a claw as the circle of open pavement filled back in from below with tiny ponyforms making a wave like a rising tide, until the space where the message had been was once more a featureless carpet of pink and purple.

The princesses exchanged glances, and Celestia turned to address the bearers of the Elements with a solemn expression. "This is grave news, my little ponies. We haven't much time to come up with a solution to..."

She turned again as the uncanny unison voices rang out once more. "Oh! One more thing!"

They turned to look down at the street, and saw a pair of linework claws pull open the circular space of open street again like they were pushing aside curtains. The draconequis caricature leaned casually on the edge of the circle and adopted a conversational manner. "You're doubtless putting your pointy little heads together to try to solve this, so I guess I'll save you a little panicking time by pointing out some flaws in your plans before you embarrass yourselves." It winked one of its unevenly sized eyes. "Don't ever say I'm not a good sport."

The image of the propeller beanie appeared in its upraised claw as tiny ponyoids galloped out to form its outline. "You can't destroy my stylish little chapeau. You can't do anything to it. It's not made of boring old normal matter. You can no more destroy it than you can eat the color blue."

The beanie diagram shifted into an image of Screwball, which the caricature draconequis placed on its head between its mismatched horns. "My little creations are pretty much indestructible too. Stomp them, stab them, mangle them, staple them, fold them, they'll bounce right back."

A wicked grin spread across the caricature's face. "Magic might work on 'em. But you should know that they're also completely innocent, like newborn foals with a less jaded outlook on life. Bear that in mind before you put on your fancy jewelry and set about scorching the earth with rainbows."

The outline form of a butterfly drifted into the circle, which the image casually flicked away. "I wonder how much juice you'll be getting out of the Element of Kindness knowing that you're flash frying the poor pwecious pipsqueaks with your orbital friendship cannon."

Rarity looked over to see Fluttershy standing at her side with her eyes flaring like aquamarine gemstones.

The caricature of Discord produced the image of a pair of sunglasses and put them on. "Huh, is it me, or is there a glare today? Anyway, speaking of which, Princess Celestia will probably suggest sending the beanie to the moon, which is pretty much her answer to everything, isn't it Princess Luna?"

A smug grin spread across the image's face as both princesses reared back with a tumult of emotions washing over their faces. Twilight could feel a palpable aura of outrage radiating from the royal sisters that made her shrink down with wide, fearful eyes.

A disk of pink appeared on the tip of the image's finger. "Well, I'm sure all the ponies will notice your night sky with a bright pink moon taking center stage. Although they might avert their eyes from how tacky it'll look. That's in the near term."

The disk became larger and larger until it dropped off the outline's claw and smashed down through the bottom of the circle, sending up curling lines in imitation of tendrils of smoke.

The caricature of Discord peered dubiously over its sunglasses down toward the imaginary crash site. "In the long term, well... I'll leave it to all the junior astronomers following along at home to figure out how all the extra mass thats going to build up will affect the moon's orbit. I'm not really up on these hifalutin' "laws of physics" that you all seem to think are so important."

The image reached down, and picked up a symbol resembling Celestia's solar cutie mark. "If you decide to pull a switcheroo and throw it into the sun, do me a favor and point my statue toward it so I can watch what happens. I've never seen an unstable font of chaos get dropped into such an important piece of celestial furniture. Even MY imagination fails me on what could result." It tossed the symbolic sun over its linework shoulder, causing a burst of scattering little creatures to gallop across the circle like the debris from an explosion. "I bet it'd get Ponyville's resident sugar vacuum shaking like aspic in an earthquake, 'cos it'll probably be a doozy."

The caricatured chaos lord removed its sunglasses and gave a leering wink. "Some joke, eh Pinkie? I'd take the next train outta Dodge, if I were you. There's only room for several trillion goofy little pink ponies in this town, and YOU aren't invited." The pink mare's eyes grew wide as her frizzy mane deflated a little around her laid back ears.

The figure of Discord reached up and grasped the top of the circle in its claws. "And on that note, I bid you all farewell, or fare-badly as the case may be. I'd stick around to insult the rest of your little six mare sunshine squad, but the rest of you are too drab, boring, and lame to bother with, and I've got buffalo to stuff into leotards. Ta Ta."

With that, it drew down a wave of little creatures like a blind and was gone as the chorus of squeaky voices raised in sinister laughter came to a crescendo. Moments later the laugh died away, and a wash of babbling gibberish started to drift up from the overpopulated ground once more.

Celestia closed her eyes and let out a long sigh, as Luna ground her dainty hooves on the planks of the balcony and glared at the expanse of pink and purple that spread before them far below.

Both regal sisters turned as Twilight Sparkle's voice came cracking and tremulous between them. The lavender unicorn looked to be on the verge of tears. "Oh your highnesses, I... I'm so s-sorry. This is all my fault..."

The sun princess leaned down and nuzzled her student on the cheek. "It is not your fault, my beloved pupil."

Luna's solemn voice sounded beside her, with a note sadness lurking behind her measured tone. "Verily. 'tis the way of villains to cast the blame for their crimes at the feet of those who would stand against them, that they may pretend their wrongs are righteous for having been opposed. This I know from bitter experience..."

She gave a flicker of a smile to her sister, who reached up with a gleaming white wing to gently brush the tips of her indigo feathers.

Applejack spoke up. "So what are we gonna do about this? If'n we don't stop these li'l critters from poppin' outta that hat, Equestria is doomed."

Chapter 4

As the bearers of the Elements gathered round to discuss solutions with Equestria's immortal rulers, Button stood nearby with a troubled look on her face. She looked down at the milling throng of tiny eqimorphs below, and then cast a long look at Davenport, who was preoccupied with holding the door shut with his hind legs. The beige mare took a deep breath and walked over to him, a solemn look on her face.

He met her gaze with a gentle smile as she approached. "How're you holdin' up there, sweetheart?"

She glanced behind her at the princesses and heroes in deep consultation, and leaned in to speak to him in a low voice. "Davenport, open the door. There's something I have to do."

The smile fled from his face as he looked in his wife's eyes. "Wh-what do you mean?"

Button's face was serene with terrible resolve. "Discord was wrong. Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony didn't pull out the 'plug' and unleash this catastrophe. I pulled myself out. And I think that I'm the only one who can stop it."

Her voice faltered as she reached up a hoof to caress his cheek. "I'm afraid this'll be the third time I'll be leaving you in the lurch. Three strikes and I'm out." Tears began to well in her eyes. "I hope you can forgive me."

Davenport's green eyes went wide in disbelief. "But... but..."

She reached up with her other hoof and held his face between them. "I wanted so much to open that store with you, to go on more wonderful trips with you, to give you a house full of beautiful foals, and to grow old sitting next to you on the best couch we could find. But right now nopony's dreams are gonna get to come true if I don't put a stop to this madness."

With that she leaned in and kissed him, tender and lingering and sweet as tears rolled down both ponies' faces. It was a tremendous act of will for the beige mare to disengage, averting her amber eyes before she lost all her resolve. The tan stallion stepped aside from the door, choking back a sob, and allowed her to slip through.

***

Rainbow Dash drew herself up and crossed her forelegs in front of her chest. "I say we take a big boulder and just block it off. Easy peasey, mild and breezy."

Rarity huffed and turned up her snout. "And I suppose you're implying that I should supply the boulder."

Applejack gave the alabaster unicorn a wry look. "Sugarcube, y'all gotta git over the whole Tom thing. Nopony blames ya fer gettin' hornswoggled by that patchwork sidewinder. He got us all the same with his bamboozlin' ways."

Twilight sadly shook her head. "I doubt Discord would make it that easy to stop. If I were to hazard a guess, any obstruction would face a build up of pressure as more and more little creatures popped into existence behind it, until the object's structural integrity failed or it was blasted free."

Dash frowned, giving her forelock a petulant toss. "Nuts! There's gotta be something out there we could seal it off with."

Pinkie Pie's voice sounded out, her usual chipper tone quite absent. "Not something, somepony..."

They all turned to see her craning her neck over the railing, her mane and tail draping down in leaden sheets around her slumped shoulders.

They all exchanged uncertain glances, as Applejack spoke up. "D-don't be silly, Pink. Ain't no pony could keep that sorta thing under their hat..."

Pinkie turned to them with tears welling in her eyes as she pointed toward the street below. "I'm not being silly, I'm being the opposite of silly. Look!"

They all crowded to the edge of the balcony with the princesses looming behind them. Down below, the distant beige figure of Button Stitch trotted out through the shimmering force field of magic that Twilight had laid down earlier that day. The bright yellow and green propeller beanie bobbed in the grip of her teeth.

When she stepped out into the horde of little pink and purple creatures, they parted before her, their babble raising in intensity as she went out among them. They formed a circle around her as she stopped and sat on her haunches, raising the beanie over her head with her hooves.

Twilight Sparkle's eyes went wide in horror as she reached out a hoof. "NO! Stop her!" An instant later she winked out in a flash of white light as two princesses and two pegasi dove over the rail with flaring wings.

The cap settled on Button's brow as the lavender unicorn burst into existence beside her. "Button, take that off right now!"

Her horn sparked with magic as she tried to yank the beanie away, only to find herself thrown through the air by a backlash of kinetic energy as the bizarre headgear remained firmly rooted in place.

Rainbow Dash arrived a split second later, clapping her front hooves on the propeller. It started spinning rapidly, turning her into a wailing multicolored disk before flinging her away in a spiraling trajectory over the rooftops of Ponyville.

The soft thud of a pony crashing through a thatched roof echoed in the distance, followed by a faint, sandy voice calling out in shaky reassurance. "I'm okay!"

A trickle of syrupy pink liquid began to trail down Button Stitch's forehead, winding into her eyesocket and blending with her tears as they rolled down her cheek.

Fluttershy touched down beside the prostrate unicorn and helped her to an unsteady sitting position. The beige shopkeeper gave them a sad smile. "I'm sorry about that. I guess it wants to stay where it is."

Twilight shook her head to clear it, looking at her with pleading eyes. "Why? Why are you doing this?"

The princesses landed beside her, their delicately chiseled faces eloquent with shock and dismay.

Button shrugged and waved a hoof at the beanie on her head as another trail of pink started down from the brim. "Discord said that I was meant to be a plug for this thing. I just thought it was time to put myself back in my proper labradoodle pimento."

She let out a long, shuddering sob as a torrent of pink with white and purple swirls oozed out over her face, as if a can of paint had been overturned on her head. As the horrified ponies looked on, it flowed over her shoulders and back and dribbled down her legs and haunches, until she was completely covered. It seemed to seep into her coat, going from shiny and damp to dry in seconds. The lank curls of her mane began to twirl and flow with an uncanny life of their own, going purple with white spirals. On her flank, the image of a screw and baseball resolved out of the vanishing pink glaze.

The creature bowed its head, sounding a mournful piano chord. Transparent cubes appeared at the corners of its eyes and dropped with a rattle to the cobblestones at its rubbery hooves as its shoulders shook.

The two princesses and their faithful pony subjects had not been aware of the hush that had fallen over Ponyville as they stared aghast at Button Stitch's transformation, but their ears perked up as the sound of tiny sniffles and whimpers arose from the carpet of miniature pony creatures around them.

The full sized version rubbed its fore hoof across its eyes, knocking away a few small cubes, and opened them to reveal a pair of spiraling purple irises. It stood with a resolute look on its face, and turned toward the center of town, rearing up with a raised front hoof. "Ba weep graw neep ninibong! Kelbo normunchis qwalabimbingy datootle! Watanka mooty! Diddy wah diddy!"

As one the sweeping pink horde of miniature ponyoids turned to face their interlocutor, replying in unison with a multitude of squeaky voices. "Diddy wah diddy!"

Princess Celestia leaned in and nudged Twilight with a look of puzzlement on her face. "Could somepony tell me what diddy wah diddy means?" The lavender unicorn could only shrug helplessly at her mentor.

Princess Luna pawed at the ground, her brow furrowing beneath her ebon tiara. "T'would further behoove us to know whether this creature intends us weal or woe..."

Screwball looked over its shoulder, straining to focus its swirling eyes in their direction. It spoke slowly, painstakingly squeezing out each syllable. "Doo knot bea afrode... af... afrayed. Thay umdurstind. Diz warld knot foar theb. Thay gow hmoe nou!"

With that, it turned away, reaching up with its fore hoof to grasp the brim of the propeller beanie and giving it a tug. The cap lifted it off with an audible pop, releasing a dome of mane into writhing spiral shapes that almost resembled a twisted sort of tiara. With a look of concentration on its face, it took hold of the edges of the cap and turned it inside out, and then held it down at ground level.

With its free hoof it beckoned to the horde of little creatures, who approached it with a subdued gibbering. One by one, they walked into the inverted cap, vanishing in a soft puff of smoke, the propeller turning a quarter turn like a turnstile with each tiny ponyoid that passed through.

***

As dusk began to gather, the final tiny duplicate stood at the entry to the inside out beanie. It looked up at Screwball with a crooked toothed smile, and spoke with what could be termed a solicitous tone. "Bing?"

The spiral eyed gatekeeper nodded, reaching out to pat the little creature on the head. "Bada bing! Cromutney klaatu, barada nikto." In response, the diminutive pony surged up and hugged the larger being's outstretched hoof, then let loose and skipped through the opening, causing the propeller to make one final quarter turn.

Its task complete, Screwball let out a sound like a descending xylophone scale and flipped the cap right side out once more, then placed it on its head, recapturing the loose tendrils of its mane beneath the yellow dome.

It climbed to its feet and faced the princesses and the bearers of the Elements, who had gathered to keep vigil as it went about its task. The swirling ponyform scrunched up its features as it struggled to articulate its words. "Thair, jsut mi gnou. Mi awer teh ownley wan lepht."

The princesses stepped forward, the elder casting a soft glow as her younger sibling sparkled in the deepening gloom. They had been watching solemnly all afternoon, only excusing themselves briefly to raise the moon and lower the sun.

Celestia gave a nod to her sister and addressed the pink and purple creature. "And what are we going to do with you? You are no longer a thing of this world, and we are uncertain if you are a danger to it or not."

Screwball heaved a sigh resembling a morose, off key harmonica, and stumbled out a response. "Mi umpderstab. Mi gow fahr alway. Kno bi dagner to pnomies."

It raised its hoof to its mouth and blew on it, puffing out its cheeks as its eyes went crossed. Its flanks expanded as if they were being inflated and it began to rise up from the ground. The thing hung its head as more glittering cubes dropped from its eyes and clattered on the paving stones.

A fierce cry sounded from the doorway of the library tree, startling everypony who stood about bearing witness. "NO! You are NOT going anywhere!"

Davenport galloped up to the floating pink poniform and reared up, throwing his forelegs around the creature's neck in such a tight embrace that its swirling eyes bugged out as it made a sound like a squeaky toy. He buried his face in its dull pinkish coat, tears streaming down his face. "You are coming home with me, Button Stitch."

The creature raised a shaking hoof, trying weakly to pry him loose. "D-dabenporp... Mi knot Bupdon endymoor."

He held her tighter, dropping to his haunches and pulling the bobbing equimorph down toward the ground. "I don't care how you look or how you talk. You're still my wife, and I still love you."

Princess Luna shared a glance with her sister as she stepped up beside her, and cleared her throat for attention. "We are touched by the faith thou dost keep with thy beloved, but..."

Davenport turned and fixed both princesses with a steady gaze. "If you're planning to banish her, your Highness, then... then I'm ready to give you plenty of reason to banish me too."

Screwball squirmed in his grasp, the cubes from its eyes tumbling down over the earnest stallion's shoulder. "Dabvney pleatze. Mi knaut worp itz. Phind anober myar, phorket haboud mi."

The tan stallion closed his eyes and began rocking the stunned being back and forth. "No! I'm never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around or desert you..." He squeezed tighter, causing the pink and purple creature's swirling eyes to bulge. "Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never tell a lie or hurt you."

A strangled honk bubbled up from the depths of the equine thing's chest, and suddenly its head and rump began to rapidly expand on either side of Davenport's embrace like a balloon with a string tied around its middle.

The gathering of onlookers stared aghast as the tan stallion held on tight, oblivious to the alarming inflation of the spiraling ponymorph. Its limbs and features vanished into the swelling pinkish membrane, save for its wide, spiraling eyes that went crossed as cracks began to form in the surface, streaming coruscating beams of multicolored light.

Pinkie Pie's frantic voice galvanized them all into action. "HIT THE DECK!"

Everypony, including the princesses, threw themselves to the ground as Screwball exploded in a burst of shimmering rainbow sparkles.

As the report sounded in the distance, echoing off the surrounding hills, they all looked up to see Davenport, blinking in confusion with his face tinged with soot and his mane and tail blown straight back behind him. His forelegs were wrapped around an equally disoriented, beige coated mare whose mane stuck out in all directions as she stared into space with slightly crossed amber eyes.

Shreds of pink and purple were slowly drifting down from the sky all around them, and there was a scorch mark on the ground at their feet. The pony couple tottered, and fell stiffly sideways like ponikins that had been shoved over.

Rarity scrambled to her hooves with a shriek. "Button! Davenport!" She rushed forward, with Fluttershy leaping up to follow close behind her, intent on rendering aid to the stricken ponies.

Both mares screeched to a stop as the yellow and green propeller beanie drifted down in front of them. The butter colored pegasus let out a terrified squeak and dove for cover behind her disheveled friend as it came to a stop at about eye level, the propeller on top spinning with a low, ominous buzz.

It shuddered and puffed out a gout of smoke, and with an abrupt "FOOMP" sound, a full sized pony creature popped out of it and landed on the cobblestones with a click of its hooves. It reached up, grasped the cap by its brim, and tipped it politely with a friendly greeting. "Bing!"

Rarity let out another squeal and spun on her hooves, retreating behind Applejack and Rainbow Dash, leaving Fluttershy momentarily exposed before she uncovered her eyes for a peek, realized her situation, and followed the pale unicorn's example with a squeak of terror.

Meanwhile, the princesses got to their hooves with as much dignity as they could muster, ruffling their wings and straightening their crowns as they drew themselves upright and stepped forward to face the newcomer.

The strange creature made a deep bow, holding its beanie over its chest. "Flangle quapookie, Pincenez Celepsterol, Pincenez Loomaw. Flangle noot, Elbermintz ov Harblebeens. Mi corm ing peets. Mi opfer mi hoopf ing fengsnip!"

The elder princess cocked her head, parsing the being's garbled greeting, before a guarded smile came to her face. "You... come in peace? In that case, we are willing to accept a hoof proffered in friendship."

She turned to her sister. "What say you, Princess Luna?"

The dusky ruler of the night cast a dubious gaze over the swirling creature. "We would understand what has just transpired, before we consider acceptance of thine offer."

Twilight Sparkle stepped forward, her brow furrowed in deep thought. "Harmony. Can you feel it, everypony? It's almost like it's in the air. It's like the feeling that lingers after we use the Elements."

Both princesses inclined their heads with their ears pricked. The younger diarch nodded thoughtfully. "Indeed, now that ye maketh note of it. Verily, I felt this sensation in the very roots of my teeth after thou and thy friends had rent asunder the darksome visage of Nightmare Moon."

Screwball stared at the princesses and the unicorn for a long time, its swirling eyes going slightly crossed as it furrowed its brow in thought. An audible "ding" noise sounded, and it smiled a broad, gap toothed smile. "Pleke! Yetz! Mi lurn abowd Harbongee!"

It turned and trotted over to where Button and Davenport were beginning to feebly stir, drawing them up to a wobbly seated position with its forelegs around their shoulders. "Thnaks tu Buptod and Daffenpunt. Mi leurn abwod kiemdnetz, abowd gemberoxity, adn loimalty, adn hodnestee, adn lappderp. Mi lurn abowd fremsnip."

It hugged the stunned pony couple tighter, its pinkish face flushing a bit as it planted a smooch on both ponies' cheeks. "Mi lurnd aboud lorve. Mi umderstang wat bieng ah pomee itz. Harbodee adn lorf fillub mi hearp, nu neeb two keeb Bupdon instide mi."

Twilight's head inclined one direction, then the other, mouthing the words to herself. "So you... you're saying that the magic of friendship filled you and left no more room for Button?"

Screwball shook its head, then nodded, then somehow moved its head diagonally. "Yetz. Beflor, mi nupting. Empdee. Dipscorn pupt Buptong id mi sew mi sumptink, nod nothimk. Thed mi lurn, mi bei somfrink bai mi selph."

Princess Celestia beamed. "And in deciding to be something, and more importantly, by deciding to be a pony with the elements of harmony in your heart, you found your place in this world."

Princess Luna nodded, a pensive expression on her face. "Verily. The lesson thou hast learned is a familiar one to me, one that unfettered mine own heart and soul from the cold and colorless void. I perceive thou art no longer a creature of chaos, and thus I accept thee in friendship as well."

After a moment of deep thought, with a bit of smoke rising from Screwball's ears, it smiled wide and made another bow, floating up off of the ground to hover over its former host and her husband.

The princess of the night shifted her turquoise gaze to Button and Davenport, who had recovered enough of their wits to prostrate themselves before their sovereigns, trying in vain to smooth down their disheveled manes and make themselves a bit more presentable.

She gave them a kind smile. "But lo, 'tis time we commend these most absolute and excellent ponies who did teach thee thy lesson. Arise, dear ones, o humble subjects, and be ye both exalted by thy deeds this night."

Her elder sibling spoke in a clarion voice, her coat and wings seeming to radiate a heartening warmth. "Indeed, my sister! Button Stitch, for your willing sacrifice of all that makes you who you are to save us from disaster, and Davenport Divan Stitch for your unconditional love, that brought not one but two deserving souls back from oblivion, do we honor you as heroine and hero of Equestria, to be remembered for all time, as long as we sisters of the sky may abide and keep our little ponies in our hearts."

Button and Davenport drew close together, holding hooves with their eyes wide in amazement, barely daring to breathe as both princesses stepped up and lightly tapped them on the shoulders with their horns. The two earth ponies bowed low, leaning on one another to keep from rolling onto their backs with their limbs as stiff as table legs.

Princess Celestia turned her attention back to the swirling form that floated above them. "And now, we would officially welcome you to Equestria, Miss... or Mister..."

The pink and purple creature grinned. "Mitz!" As soon as the word passed its lips her outline seemed to subtly shift to more feminine proportions.

The newly minted mare drew in a deep breath. "Mi nome itz Screwallamungadindipoptifindolallypolkaparanoopyballoomapingo!"

She gave them a wink. "Butz efreypomey kawls mi Screwball!"

The princess of the sun cast a wry glance at the princess of the moon, and then drew herself up, waving her gleaming horn like a baton. "Well, Miss Screwball, we proudly welcome you as a new citizen of our land."

A cheery voice erupted from among the assembled bearers of the Elements, along with a high jumping pink and magenta mare and a cloud of confetti. "In other words. IT'S TIME FOR A PARTY!"

Screwball leapt skyward and did a barrel roll, waving all four hooves with glee. "Odelay! Callooh Callay! Parptay!"

***

A week later, the elderly earth pony groundskeeper who kept the gardens around Canterlot Castle found himself scratching his head under his battered old hat as he stood in a gated off section of the royal sculpture garden next to his wheelbarrow.

He always got a funny kind of feeling when he came in here, mostly centered on the one weird statue of a snakelike mishmash of animal parts that sat on a low granite pedestal with a plaque that said "NO BICKERING" set in its base. The gardener usually shrugged his unease off as his just not getting this newfangled modern art, but this time somepony had snuck in and made some changes to the exhibit.

For starters, somepony had drawn a mustache on the creature's snaggle toothed, equine muzzle in pink paint. They'd also spelled out the word "LOSER" on the grass with shiny brass buttons, placed such that the statue's stony gaze could "see" it.

When he'd found the vandalism this morning, he'd done as he'd been ordered last year when the statue was placed here, which was to drop everything, immediately lock the gates, and go report any unusual occurances to the castle guards.

Word came back to him shortly afterward that he was to leave it as he'd found it until further notice. This, he accepted with his usual rustic ambivalence. It was his job to keep the garden as they wanted it, and if that's how they wanted it, then that's how it'd be. All he had to do was retrieve his wheelbarrow and lock the gates back up.

The only thing that made him pause, that caused him to stop and scratch his head, was the look on the stone statue's unmoving face. The thing's expression was normally one of wide eyed, open mouthed shock and dismay. Not the kind of face he'd put on a statue if he was a sculptor. Heck, it wasn't the kind of head he'd put on a statue either, but there was really no accounting for taste.

Today, however, it seemed slightly different.

The old groundskeeper couldn't help but feel like it looked more than a little bit cross.

THE END