The Life of Maud Pie

by DrakeyC

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Maud Pie
Length: 3695

A series of short stories about Maud. And rocks. But mostly Maud.

The life and adventures of Maud Pie.

Pre-read by Mythril Moth and RT Stephens

Published 2016-05-15 01:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-10-19 03:24:33 UTC

Maud Meets the Cockatrice

Fluttershy poked her head out of her chicken coop and shook some hay out of her mane. “Okay, that’s everyone fed for today.” She turned to go back inside, and paused. A familiar grey mare was walking across the bridge at the bottom of the hill and heading into the woods. “Maud?” Fluttershy set her basket of chicken feed down and stepped down the hill towards the other mare. When she was in speaking range, she called out again. “Maud?”

Maud turned her head. “Oh. Hello, Fluttershy.”

“What are you doing out here?”

“Pinkie Pie told me about the time you got petrified by a cockatrice,” Maud replied, blinking slowly.

Fluttershy shuddered. “Oh, yes, a terrible thing. It got Twilight and almost got me, too!”

“Do you know where to find it?”

“Hm?” Fluttershy shook her head. “No. Why, are you worried about it?”

“I want to find it.” Maud turned and continued exploring the forest.

“Why?”

“I want it to petrify me.”

“WHAT?” Fluttershy’s jaw dropped and she ran in front of Maud. “No, you don’t want it to do that. Maud, you have so much to live for! You have Pinkie Pie, and rocks, and… and…” Fluttershy trailed off. “I mentioned Pinkie Pie, right?”

“I don’t want to stay that way. Just for a little while.”

Fluttershy frowned. “But why?”

Maud gave a soft shrug. “I want to know what it’s like to be a rock. Pinkie Pie said you convinced the cockatrice to turn Twilight back. Let it petrify me and then it can turn me back.”

Fluttershy shuffled her hooves. “Well, yes, okay, that might work. But why would you want to be a rock?”

Maud blinked once. Then blinked again. “Fluttershy, have you ever been a rock?”

“Um, well, no.”

“Do you know what rocks do all day?”

Fluttershy thought for a moment. “I imagine they don’t do much of anything. Unless they fall down a cliff or somepony throws them.”

“Exactly.” Maud nodded. “Rocks never do anything. They don’t talk. They don’t walk. They don’t fly. They don’t eat, they don’t sleep, they don’t read, they don’t work, they don’t pay taxes, they don’t need to watch their weight, and they don’t have to worry about finding an apartment in Manehattan with the current state of the housing market being what it is. They have no worries, no problems, no concerns. They just are.”

Fluttershy stared. “Wow… I never really thought about rocks that way before.”

“I do.” Maud stepped around her and looked around the forest. “I think about it all the time. Maybe it would be nice to just be a rock for a little while.”

“Well…” Fluttershy sighed. “I’m sure the cockatrice will understand. Come with me, I know where its nest is.”

“And, so, that’s why my friend here would like you to petrify her.” Fluttershy stopped and smiled at the cockatrice that had perched on a branch above them. It looked at Maud, then back at Fluttershy and gave a series of screeches.

“What’s it saying?” Maud asked.

“It’s a bit nervous around me after last time,” Fluttershy explained. She turned her attention back to the cockatrice. “I won’t use The Stare on you, as long as you promise to turn her back. Okay?”

The cockatrice rolled its eyes and screeched softly. It hopped down to the ground and stood in front of Maud.

“Thank you,” Maud said.

“How long do you want to be a rock?” Fluttershy asked.

“An hour seems a proper benchmark for a first try.”

“Okay. Go ahead.”

With one more glance at Fluttershy, the cockatrice leaned closer to Maud. It cawed and its eyes lit up bright red. Fluttershy watched as Maud’s hooves turned to dull grey stone, the transformation travelling up to her head. Within seconds she was fully petrified.

The cockatrice’s eyes stopped glowing and it sat back, yawning. Fluttershy looked Maud over and carefully poked her with a hoof. She looked back at the cockatrice.

“I don’t suppose you keep a deck of playing cards around, do you?”

The grey faded from Maud’s hooves and she blinked as her petrification was undone. She looked herself over. “Hm. Back to normal.”

The cockatrice flew up back to its nest and Fluttershy approached Maud. “How do you feel?”

“Normal.”

“So, what was it like being a rock?”

Maud stared ahead, her eyes widened slightly. “I can’t remember.”

“Oh.” Fluttershy shrugged. “I guess that’s not surprising. Twilight said she couldn’t remember anything, either.”

Maud nodded. “Oh well. I guess that’s how it has to be. For all the bad things we ponies must deal with, there are also good things. Friendship, family, poetry, art, cake. We must take the good in turn with the bad, because that is what makes us who we are. To deny one is to deny the other is to deny the self. It is a burden we must carry.”

Fluttershy gave a smile. “Wow, Maud. I didn’t know you could be so philosophical.”

“You have a lot of time to think when you spend eleven hours a day looking at rocks.”

Maud Meets Thorax

“Spike tells me you can turn into a rock.”

Thorax nodded. “Changelings can turn into most anything that’s the same size as us. And isn’t too complex.” He chuckled and nodded at a table and chair nearby. “Like, I could probably turn into a table and chair, if they’re the same size as me folded up, but it would be really, really hard.”

Maud blinked. “Show me.”

“You want me to turn into a table and chair?”

“No. I want you to turn into a rock.”

“Oh…” Thorax stepped away. “Well, okay.” A ripple of green magic rushed up over him from the ground, and he vanished to reveal a large grey rock.

Maud stepped up to the rock and peered closely at it. She circled it and leaned in to sniff it. “I can tell this is a fake rock.”

Another flash of magic and Thorax returned to his true form. “Really? B-But, changelings are supposed to be masters of disguise!”

“Not as rocks you’re not.”

Thorax raised a hoof to his mouth and thought. “I admit, I’m a little bothered by that. How can I improve my disguise, then?”

“Well for starters, your rock disguise is entirely foreign to the Crystal Empire.” Maud gestured a hoof over the room around them. “The Crystal Mountains are a large chain of mountains formed by the cooling of magma eruptions from primordial volcanos. For hundreds of miles in either direction, most rocks you find are igneous.”

Thorax blinked slowly at Maud’s words. “And?”

“You disguised yourself as a sedimentary rock. You might as well have not even bothered.”

“Oh… Well, I guess that makes sense.”

“Also, you didn’t smell like a rock.”

“…I didn’t smell like a rock?”

“You smelled like a changeling.”

“Rocks don’t have a smell.”

“Says the changeling who disguised himself as a sedimentary rock in a region of predominantly igneous formations.”

Thorax sighed. “Fair point. I think I can mimic smells when I change, so I guess that’ll be helpful. What do rocks smell like?”

“I’ll explain it to you, if you explain something to me.”

“Um, sure.”

“Can you show me how to turn into a rock like you do?”

Thorax was taken aback. “I’m not sure ponies can transform like changelings, ours is a special kind of magic.”

“Can you teach it to me?”

“I don’t think so. I’ve never tried teaching a pony how to use our magic before.”

“Then how do you know we can’t?”

Thorax opened his mouth to respond, and stopped as he considered Maud’s words.

Spike whistled as he knocked on the door of the guest room of the Crystal Empire’s castle. “So, Maud, Thorax, how’re you getting along?” He slowly opened the door.

Maud, sitting perfectly still staring ahead at a wall, said nothing. Behind her, Thorax was sitting among a circle of different types of rocks, staring at them intently. He leaned down to one, sniffed it twice, and held it out to Maud. “Igneous?”

“Sedimentary.”

“You didn’t even look at it.”

“I can smell it.”

“Oh, right.” Thorax sighed and set the rock back down, and sniffed the next one. He then noticed Spike watching. “Oh. Hi, Spike!”

“Thorax, what are you doing?”

“Maud is teaching me what rocks smell like, so I can use a proper rock disguise.”

“And Thorax is teaching me that turning into a rock is just a matter of concentration.”

Spike slapped his forehead. “Maud, you are not going to turn into a rock just by thinking about it.”

“You underestimate my power.”

Maud Says Rocks Are OP

“So, Maud,” Starlight began, “why are you so interested in rocks?”

Sitting across from Starlight in the castle library, Maud raised her head from her geology book. “Rocks are OP.”

“Huh?” Starlight tilted her head.

“OP. It’s shorthand for ‘overpowered’.”

“Right, but, what do you mean ‘rocks are overpowered’?”

“Like I said, with the right stone you could rule all of Equestria.”

“How so?”

“The most powerful magical artifacts in Equestrian history are all rocks.”

Starlight raised her eyebrows. “Really?”

“The Elements of Harmony are rocks.”

“Crystals, really.”

“Crystal is a type of rock. Speaking of, the Crystal Heart.”

“Fair enough.”

“The ancient temple of Ponhenge. The legendary Memory Stone. The Alicorn Amulet was forged from obsidian, volcanic rock.”

Starlight stared, eyes wide, as she processed Maud’s claims. “Wow…”

“When the Two Sisters had to seal the spirit of chaos away, how did they do it?”

“…they turned him into a rock.”

“Exactly.”

Starlight pursed her lip. “Queen Chrysalis’ throne was carved from an ancient stone that absorbed outside magic and nullified it.”

“Mhm. And finally.” Maud spread her hoof around the room. “This very castle we sit in came from the Tree of Harmony. What are the castle and the Tree made from?”

Starlight’s flank hit the ground with a resounding thud.

Maud nodded. “So the next time you go for a walk, look carefully at the pebbles and stones in your way. One of them might be the key to world domination, if you only knew how to use it.” When she had finished talking, Maud picked up her geology book and resumed reading.

Starlight swallowed. “And you research rocks so much to try and identify these… powerful magical rocks?”

“Yes.”

“Maud, you’re starting to scare me.”

“I get that a lot.” She lifted her head. “Don’t worry, Starlight. I would never hurt you.”

“Why are you smiling?”

“Because I’m happy my friend gets me.”

“You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

“Am I?”

Maud Teaches a Friendship Class

“So, think you might wanna try your hoof at running the school again sometime?” Spike asked as he walked down the halls with Starlight.

Starlight gave a nervous chuckle. “Maybe some other time. Discord aside, this didn’t really go very well. I had to rush around making sure everything was running smoothly. And my teachers weren’t very helpful, Trixie just tried to perform magic tricks, Spitfire made them run laps until they almost passed out, and Maud—” Starlight paused. “We never checked in on Maud! Who knows what Discord did to her!?”

Starlight galloped down the halls, Spike running after her. The two reached the door to the classroom Starlight had assigned Maud, and she threw the door open.

Maud stood at the head of the class, gesturing to a diagram of a rock. Students in the room were silent, paying attention as she spoke and taking notes.

“Metamorphic rocks are so called because they have attributes of both sedimentary and igneous rocks. Like sedimentary rocks, metamorphic rocks are formed from mineral deposits, and like igneous rocks, by exposure to extreme heat plays a role in their creation, hence the term ‘metamorphic’. Metamorphic rocks can easily be confused for sedimentary rocks by the fact both have layers. The layers of metamorphic rocks are called ‘foliation’, and occur as a result of pressure on the rock during its transformation.”

Maud turned to walk to a different part of the diagram and caught sight of the door. “Oh. Hello, Starlight. Students, please give Starlight a friendly welcome.” The students obediently rapped their hooves on the floor in polite applause.

“Um, hi, Maud, everypony.” Starlight walked into the room. “I just wanted to make sure everything was okay with you.”

“Yes. I’ve been covering some basic rock science.”

“Maud makes rocks fun and educational!” a student called out. Several other students nodded and voiced agreement.

Starlight tilted her head. “Your students… like your class?”

“I do have a degree in rock studies.”

“Riiight…” Starlight looked at the students. “So you guys didn’t have any problems during the scavenger hunt?”

A student tilted her head. “Scavenger hunt?”

Starlight recoiled. “You were here the whole time instead of going on the hunt?”

Another student looked out the window. “Huh, did that already happen? Time sure flies when you’re learning!”

Maud stepped closer. “Are you okay, Starlight? You seem stressed.”

Starlight sighed. “I am, though its more I was worried about you. Discord was causing trouble earlier.”

“Oh, him. He was here.”

“He was!? What did he do?”

“He saw I was in the middle of class and he left.”

“He… left.”

“We’ve met before. He knows not to mess with me.”

“Oookay… I’m just gonna back out of the room and close the door behind me. Please don’t be offended.”

“I won’t be. I actually get that a lot.”

Are you there Maud? It's me, Pinkie

“But I don’t wannaaaaaa!” Pinkie Pie wailed, hanging onto the edge of the crib that was wedged against the door to her parents’ room. Igneous Pie was currently in the process of trying to pull her off of it, to little success.

“Pinkamena Diane Pie!” her father snapped, pulling harder. “We have discussed this! The baby needs the crib now!”

“I’m a baby!”

“You’re three years old next month, you are more than old enough to sleep in a proper bed now!”

“But I don’t want a bed, I want my crib!” Pinkie cried harder and continued to hang onto the wooden bars.

“Dear, please make her stop,” Cloudy Quartz’s voice came from the hall.

Igneous let Pinkie go; the filly swung down and bumped the bottom of the crib, the impact dislodging her to fall back on the ground. Igneous looked down at her, shaking his head in disapproval. “You will sleep in a proper bed, we’ve already set it up in your sister Maudileena’s room. Now, please come along nicely, your mother does not appreciate this noise.”

Pinkie pursed her lip, tears still in her eyes. “What if I don’t like it?”

“What if you do?” Igneous replied. “Try it for one night.”

“If I don’t like it, can I sleep in the crib tomorrow?”

“We’ll see.”

“That means no. I’m old enough to get that, now.”

“You’re correct.”

In the depths of the night, Pinkie shivered in her new bed and pulled the blankets over her head.

“Maud!” She hissed. “Maud!”

After a second or two of silence, she heard her sister.

“Yes?”

“Are you awake?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t sleep!”

“I noticed.”

“There’s a monster at the foot of my bed.”

“No there isn’t.”

“Yes there is, I can feel it!”

“I have my eyes open and there’s nothing there.”

Pinkie shook her head under the blanket. “Maybe you can’t see it, but I can feel it! It’s a chimera!”

“A chimera?”

“Yes! It’s a really nasty monster, it’s half-tiger, half-goat, and half-snake!”

“Pinkie, that’s three halves.”

“And that’s why it’s so nasty!”

“There’s nothing there. Here.”

Pinkie heard Maud climb out of bed and walk to the foot of her bed. She then felt her sister’s hooves press on the mattress. “See? Nothing here.”

“Maybe it saw you coming and moved so you wouldn’t bump into it!”

Pinkie heard Maud sigh. “What if I stay here and make sure it doesn’t get you?”

“What if it comes from the sides?”

After a moment or two, Pinkie heard Maud walk up to the side of her bed. A pause, then she heard her hooves go back to the foot of the bed and back to the other side.

“See? I’ll patrol to keep your bed safe.”

Pinkie smiled and slowly lowered the blanket to smile. “Thank you, Maud.” She closed her eyes and snuggled into her pillow.

The steady beat of Maud’s hooves on the floor circling her bed soon lulled her to sleep.

“Time for chores!” Igneous rapped on the door of the bedroom and pushed it open, morning sun streaming through the window. “Maudileena, wake up your—” He paused. “Maudileena?”

Maud walked down the side of Pinkie’s bed, around the foot, and back up the other side. “Yes?”

Igneous tilted his head. “May I ask what you’re doing?”

Maud looked down at the sleeping filly in the bed, her mouth hanging open with a small trickle of drool running down her pillow.

“Being a sister.”

Maud Meets Boulder

It was a dark and stormy night. Little did a certain taciturn rock farmer know that her life was about to change forever.

“Verily, this storm shall ruin the morrow’s harvest.” Ingeous Rock shook his head. “Mine wife, accompany me into the winds. We must batten down the tarp to protect the crop, lest a month’s work be wasted."

“Aye, husband.” Cloudy Quartz stepped away from the fireplace. “Maud, see to the dinner for your sisters.”

“Yes, mother.”

As her two parents headed outside, Maud rose from the table. Three sets of young eyes followed her as she moved to the fireplace and took hold of the ladle her mother had left. She spooned more water from the nearby bucket into the pot over the fire. When there was enough, she reached over to the bucket of rocks for the soup. She reached in, withdrew several, and dropped them into the pot. She grabbed another hoofful and moved to drop them when something caught her eye.

Maud dumped the rocks on the floor and stared at one of them.

“Maud?” a voice called from the table. “Everything okay?”

Maud was staring at one particular rock in the pile she had dropped.

It was round with soft edges, enough to be handled comfortably, yet with enough of a flat surface to not roll about. Its color was a light grey shade, bright enough to stand out against the dirt yet not so colorful as to demand notice. It was small enough to hold in her hoof, but as she picked it up again it still had enough weight to it that its presence was noticeable.

As she examined it more closely, Maud noticed it was a sedimentary rock. When she peered close enough she could see layers upon layers of sediment, going back untold years. Dirt and other crushed rocks and perhaps even some petrified plant matter made up the composition. Yet when Maud dropped the rock to the floor it held together in spite of the many layers that made it up.

A rock like this did not just come out of the ground like some common pebble. This was a formation that had been many years in the making. An ancient river must have run through this land long ago. Somewhere, centuries even, that river had worn away the rock around it enough to dig out a piece of rock, carefully wore it down into a small, round, flat stone, and then deposited it on a bank to be buried under foreign layers of fine sediment.

Until now, long after the river was gone, a particular rock farmer dug it up with intent to use it for soup.

Maud realized with silent awe that she was looking at the most fascinating, beautiful, perfectly formed rock she could possibly imagine.

She picked it up and put it in a pocket on her frock.

“I think I’ll call you Boulder.”

Maud Visits the Dragon Lands

“It should be right past this mountain.” Spike pointed a claw outside the chariot being pulled by Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. Behind him sat Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Starlight Glimmer, and Maud. Spike smiled. “The last time I came here it was an amazing journey. I endured blistering winds, scorching desert, traveling for days and nights, risking life and limb…”

“Spike, the last time you visited here was with me and Rarity,” Twilight called over her shoulder. “And I teleported us here.”

“Yeah, but the time before that.” Spike shrugged. “Just saying, flying is nice.”

The chariot passed the mountains and the dragon lands came into view. Rarity recoiled. “Ugh! It smells even worse than last time!”

Maud raised her head and sniffed the air. “Sulfuric ash and geological metamorphosis.”

“Probably from the volcanos.” Spike swept his claw across the horizon and the plumes of smoke rising from the mountains.

“Ah’m more worried about the land than the smell.” Applejack frowned and looked over the side of the chariot. “It’s just dirt and stone for miles. The heck do they eat out here?”

“Remember, dragons eat rocks, gems and other minerals,” Spike recited. “It may look barren to you, but to a dragon this place is a buffet.”

Maud nodded. “The presence of so much volcanic activity would make this a trove of geode formations leading to the growth of various types of crystal.”

“Well, if there’s crystals around, I don’t see any.” Starlight shook her head. “All I see is grey rock and grey stone and occasionally brown dirt.”

The chariot began to descend when a figure flew towards it. Ember circled around the chariot and came around the other side to float beside them. “Hey, ponies! Welcome to the dragon lands! What do ya think? Pretty sweet, right?”

Maud stood and walked to the side of the chariot closest to Ember. “Yes, it is. May I move here?”

The other ponies on the chariot chuckled. Pinkie guffawed. “Oh Maud, you’re such a crack-up!”

“It wasn’t a joke.”