Return of Trixie (Uncut Script)

by tygerbug

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 5144

Trixie has fallen on hard times, and returns to Ponyville to take revenge on her "nemesis" Twilight.

The Great and Powerful Trixie has fallen on hard times, and returns to Ponyville to take revenge on her "nemesis," Twilight Sparkle. When the two are forced to work together on a lavish birthday party for spoiled rich girl Diamond Tiara, will they keep their anger in check? Or do Trixie and Twilight both have something up their sleeves?

Written in screenplay format as an episode.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-17 03:35:16 UTC

Chapter 1

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

THE RETURN OF TRIXIE

EXT. HOOFINGTON STREETS - NIGHT

It's raining. A dirty, disheveled pony sits in the mud with a soggy sign saying "WILL WORK FOR MONEY." Ponies walk by, ignoring her. She wears a gem necklace. A few coins float in the remains of a wizard's hat. This is THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE, and she is a sad sight indeed.

EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF PONYVILLE - NIGHT

A dumpster in the back of a restaurant. Trixie is digging through looking for food, but hears a noise and runs off into the restaurant's backdoor. DIAMOND TIARA, the spoiled little rich girl, and her father, FILTHY RICH, walk by. A young unicorn PORTER [cf. Sweet and Elite] holds two umbrellas above their heads. He himself is getting soaked, and he struggles with keeping the umbrellas balanced as they walk.

DIAMOND TIARA

I want a bouncy castle! No, a real castle! With an enchanted prince inside to tell me I'm pretty.

FILTHY RICH

I've already paid for Signore Floppypants. He's the finest clown in all of Equestria. You'll love him.

DIAMOND TIARA

I don't want a clown anymore!

FILTHY RICH

Why not?

DIAMOND TIARA

Because I don't want one!

We hear a clatter of dishes at the backdoor.

VOICE INSIDE RESTAURANT

Hey! You! Come back here!

Trixie runs out of the backdoor, a white doggie bag clutched in her mouth.

EXT. FIELDS - NIGHT

Trixie runs over a tall hill, silhouetted in moonlight. Dogs bark in the distance.

A pony, SCREWLOOSE, is chasing Trixie. Screwloose stops and barks like a dog.

The doggie bag in Trixie's mouth is wet. A daisy sandwich falls out of the soggy bag and lands in the mud. Trixie stops in her tracks, horrified. She kneels in the mud and cries.

A squirrel is eating an acorn. Trixie sees a pinecone on the ground. She picks it up and eats it, shivering.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE and SPIKE are running over the hills, Twilight holding a piece of navy blue cloth over their heads magically.

SPIKE

We have all that space that you're not using, and yes, I think it's time I had my own room.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

But a "casino room?"

That voice. Trixie recognizes that voice. Twilight and Spike run past Trixie, not noticing her.

SPIKE

Well, I call it a casino room, but it wouldn't be an actual casino. Well, it wouldn't just be a casino. It'd be my room. A Spike room. For doing Spike things.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Can we talk about this somewhere it isn't raining?

Trixie watches them run toward a light in the distance. Twilight Sparkle's library. Trixie's eyes narrow.

TRIXIE

Twilight Sparkle.

Lightning crashes.

INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT

There are books all over the floor. Twilight shakes the wet off of her like a dog. It gets all over Spike.

SPIKE

Hey!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Sorry.

Her fur suddenly fluffs out, making her look like a big fluff ball. Spike stares at her.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

What? What?

Spike bursts out laughing. Twilight walks over to a mirror and gasps.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I hate when it rains in summer.

Twilight rolls on the ground a few times until her hair is flat again. Spike is still laughing. He wipes a tear from his eye.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

All right. Can you help me organize?

SPIKE

Can I have a casino room?

Twilight frowns.

SPIKE

I'm going to bed.

Spike starts to walk upstairs.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Spike!

SPIKE

What? You organize your books every day. You could do that with your eyes closed.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

It's not every day. It's every other day at most. Although doing it with my eyes closed does sound like a fun challenge! Okay fine, good night Spike.

SPIKE

Casino room.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Good NIGHT, Spike.

Spike zips upstairs. Twilight magically levitates all the books up from the floor, and rotates them slowly around her. The hair on her head puffs out. She straightens it with a hoof.

Lightning and a strong gust of wind. The front door bursts open, revealing a silhouetted Trixie, cloaked, with glowing eyes.

TRIXIE

TWILIGHT SPARKLE. Your judgement day has come.

Trixie steps into the light. She's wearing the cloth Twilight was using as an umbrella.

Trixie leaps toward Twilight. Twilight turns. All the books she was levitating clump together and fall on Trixie. She coughs pathetically.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry. I lost my concentration. Are you all right?

Trixie pops out from under the books.

TRIXIE

It is you that is not all right, Twilight Sparkle! It is you who will never be all right, ever again!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Hey, I know you!

TRIXIE

Yes. Look well upon this face, Twilight Sparkle, for it is the face of your doom!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

You're that terrible magician!

TRIXIE

I … I … am not a terrible magician! I am the Greatest, Most Powerful Sorceress in all the land!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

You lied about defeating an Ursa Major. Twistie, was it? Twixie?

TRIXIE

TRIXIE! The Great and Powerful Trixie! And I shall have my revenge!

Twilight's Smarty Pants doll is sitting on a table. Trixie levitates it and magically tears its head off. Twilight gasps.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Smarty Pants! You monster!

TRIXIE

Yes, now you begin to fear me.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Well, I wouldn't go that far.

TRIXIE

And well you should! For I have spent the past one year, six months, five days, three hours and fifty-three and a half seconds preparing for this moment. Behold!

Trixie stands theatrically. Her hair whips into its familiar shape, and her green gem necklace now is very prominent.

TRIXIE

I have travelled to the farthest reaches of Equestrian civilization and brought back the wisdom of the Dragon Whisperers.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

You don't strike me as the whispering type. More like the loud, shouty type.

TRIXIE

Do you recognize this gem, Twilight Sparkle?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

You sure like to say my name a lot.

TRIXIE

It glows when a dragon is near. Yes, soon the jaws of death will close around you, as The Great and Powerful Trixie summons a hundred dragons with only the sound of her voice!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I don't think that's going to happen.

Trixie is glowing and levitating with magical power now. Her eyes glow white.

TRIXIE

Dragonii! Dragoonaah! Requendo karisitas voliendo triquorum di!

Twilight's eyes narrow, ready for a fight. Not even looking behind her, she levitates a book from the shelf and opens it, reading and shouting over Trixie. Wind blows everywhere around them.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Draquonequus hetiatis jeleknekai gheferianasis lo! Requensis nephronekas harva sai!

Trixie's gem glows brightly. Trixie gasps. She's startled enough to stop talking as her gem glows brighter ...

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Requendo harva sai! Draquona harva sai!

A large, dragon-shaped shadow at the top of the stairs.

Trixie's gem explodes. She screams in terror. She sets off a puff of smoke and runs away, out the front door.

Twilight shuts the front door with her magic, and shoves a small bookcase in front of it.

There's silence for a moment as the dust settles. Spike, of course, is standing at the top of the stairs.

SPIKE

Um … what was that all about?

Twilight's not sure either.

EXT. PONYVILLE STREETS - DAY

Twilight runs through the streets, nearly knocking into vendors' carts. The FLOWER TRIO watch her as she goes.

INT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - DAY

The door opens and Twilight bursts through. Pinkie Pie is making a cake.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Pinkie! Where is everypony?

PINKIE PIE (light speed)

No one told you? That makes me so sad that no one told you, but now I get to tell you and that makes me happy! So --

TWILIGHT SPARKLE (interrupting)

What's going on?

PINKIE PIE (duh)

Only the most splendiferous, fantubulous, magnificalicious birthday party ever!

Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara step out from the back room.

FILTHY RICH

My daughter wouldn't have it any other way.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Oh. Hi, random people I don't really know.

Pinkie is hopping around excitedly.

PINKIE PIE

Twilight, that's Filthy Rich. And he's not even that filthy, but he sure is rich! So there's gonna be cake and candy and cupcakes and rollercoaster rides and a chocolate fountain and clowns …

DIAMOND TIARA

No clowns.

PINKIE PIE

And no clowns and a real haunted castle --

DIAMOND TIARA

Enchanted castle!

PINKIE PIE

They've even hired a magician!

A set of curtains open up with a familiar fanfare. Trixie smiles, in full wizard regalia. Twilight backs away in fear.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

No. No. Please, no.

TRIXIE (polite)

Hello everypony. Oh, you don't have to be afraid of me. I'm a magician, not a clown.

DIAMOND TIARA

There will be no clowns.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I … I just remembered. I have to go … get my eyes … straightened. Okaygoodbye!

Twilight runs out the door. Trixie and Filthy look at one another. DERPY HOOVES is passing by, looking confused.

DERPY

That's offensive.

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SUGARCUBE CORNER - DAY

Panicked, Twilight runs down the street, CRASHING into APPLEJACK, who is pulling a cart of apples and apple treats. APPLE BLOOM is also there.

APPLE BLOOM

HEY! Why don't you watch where you're going, you big lumbering moron -- Oh, hi Twilight! Why don't you watch where you're going, you normal-sized, intelligent sweetheart?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Oh, I'm so sorry Applejack. Boy, am I glad to see you.

APPLEJACK

What's wrong Twilight? You look paler than a pirate's patoot.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I would think pirates would be very tan from spending all their time outside on the open seas. If you wanted to preserve the alliteration you could say professor, as in paler than a professor's patoot, because professors tend to stay ...

APPLEJACK

You're losin' me, Twi.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Oh. Sorry. You know there was that big storm last night, which nopony warned me about, by the way. Well, no sooner had I dried myself off than … Where are you going with all that food?

APPLE BLOOM

To Sugarcube Corner! It's for Diamond Tiara's birthday!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Applejack … not you too.

APPLEJACK

What? My family and the Riches have been doing business since before there was a Ponyville! And I wouldn't want to disappoint one of Apple Bloom's good friends!

APPLE BLOOM

We're not really friends. She's kind of a pain in the --

Applejack stuffs an apple in Apple Bloom's mouth. She looks surprised, then sighs, then munches on it.

APPLEJACK

I'm doing it for the money.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Well, you can't! You shan't! You mustn't!

APPLEJACK

Why? What's wrong?

Trixie's fanfare plays as she appears in a puff of smoke. Filthy Rich, Diamond Tiara, and her friend SILVER SPOON walk up to the cart.

SILVER SPOON

Oh, that looks delicious. That looks delicious too.

DIAMOND TIARA

I want all of them.

FILTHY RICH

Applejack. I thought that was you. I can smell your cooking a mile away. (He takes a deep breath.) These all for us?

APPLEJACK

Yessir, Mr. Filthy.

FILTHY RICH

I wish you wouldn't call me that, but I must say you've outdone yourself yet again.

SILVER SPOON

There are so many snacks. It's gonna be like snack city.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

She's evil!

FILTHY RICH

What?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Your magician! She's evil!

Trixie laughs politely.

TRIXIE

Nope, no evil sorcery here, just good old-fashioned smoke and mirrors.

Trixie sets off a small pink smoke pellet and flashes a mirror briefly, through sleight of hand. Playing cards fall from her cape.

TRIXIE

If you thought that was something, you should see the real show.

Filthy laughs and slaps Trixie on the back - she coughs up a dove.

FILTHY RICH

Trixie, I'd heard you were good, but I didn't think you were good enough to fool the great Twilight Sparkle!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE (grumbling)

She didn't fool me. She never fooled me.

FILTHY RICH

Actually Ms. Sparkle, I wanted to talk to you. Word around town is, you're something of an organizational genius.

APPLEJACK

Sir, when it comes to bein' organized about everythin' to the point where it gets creepy, Twilight here is just about the creepiest there is.

Filthy nods. That's good enough for him.

FILTHY RICH

This party's a big production. I'd like you to be in charge of it.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I … I couldn't --

TRIXIE

Filthy! Mr. Rich, sir! You put me in charge of the entertainment!

FILTHY RICH (flatly)

And I'm sure you'll be very entertaining.

Trixie, now genuinely flustered, glares at Twilight.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

How … how can I say no? It would be an honor, Mr. Rich.

FILTHY RICH

You can call me Filthy. Everyone else does.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Well, Trixie - is that your name, Trixie? I look forward to working with you.

TRIXIE

Yes. It ought to be a real blast.

Twilight and Trixie grit their teeth at one another, almost eyeball to eyeball. Pinkie Pie pops up out of nowhere.

PINKIE PIE

And then I say something!

EXT. RICH MANSION - GARDEN - DAY

A gazebo, a beautiful outdoor garden, and preparations for a party. A stage and fountain are being constructed. CHERRY BERRY is welding. DOCTOR WHOOVES uses an unusual screwdriver. Musicians OCTAVIA and VINYL SCRATCH rehearse while CHEERILEE dances, hopping on two legs. Derpy Hooves is flying while carrying a large statue of a pony musician, and bangs it into just about everything. LYRA and BON-BON are sitting on a bench when a crash startles them. Lyra stands.

LYRA

You need a hand there?

DERPY

No, I'm good.

Derpy smacks the statue into the back of the bench, knocking Bon Bon off. She shrieks and lands on her head, her legs in the air. Lyra laughs.

DERPY

Oops. Sorry. My bad.

WILDFIRE is stirring the punch bowl. BERRY PUNCH shows her a wallet and ID card.

BERRY PUNCH

Hi, I'm here to test the punch. I think you'll find my paperwork is in order.

Berry Punch dunks her head into the punch bowl and takes a huge mouthful, then belches. Wildfire look annoyed.

RARITY reclines on a fainting couch while a disheveled-looking Twilight paces around, having worn the grass down in a circular pattern.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

This is the worst possible thing.

RARITY

Oh, don't be such a drama queen. When was the last time you got a good night's sleep?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Sleep? I can't sleep! That's exactly what she wants me to do. If I let my guard down, even for a second, BAM!

Twilight claps her hooves together.

RARITY

I don't know what you're so worked up about. When someone hates me that much, I just take it as a compliment. I assume they hate me because I'm beautiful.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

She's insane. And she's fooled everyone!

RARITY

So be patient. If she's that crazy she won't fool anyone for long.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

She's capable of anything! She's got a crazy plan to destroy me.

Rarity stands and puts her hoof around Twilight's shoulder.

RARITY

Nothing she could do is as bad as what you're doing to yourself. Get some rest. You've got friends. We'll keep an eye on her for you.

Twilight pushes Rarity away.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

You don't believe me.

RARITY

Of course I do. Twilight, we want to help you.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I'm going for a walk.

Rarity looks worried as Twilight leaves.

Spike walks along, talking to Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara.

FILTHY RICH

But why's it called a casino room?

SPIKE

It's a room that turns into a casino. There's poker and roulette, slots and dice and dancing waitresses …

DIAMOND TIARA

Daddy, I want a casino room.

FILTHY RICH

Okay.

Spike can't contain his excitement.

SPIKE

This is gonna be the best party ever!

A very tired-looking Twilight glares at Spike.

SPIKE

Oh. Hi, Twilight. Bye, Twilight.

Spike zips away.

DIAMOND TIARA

Wow. You look terrible.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE (badly faked enthusiasm)

Just working around the clock to make this the best party ever!

FILTHY RICH

Glad to hear it.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I need to talk to you about ...

Fanfare. Trixie appears in a puff of smoke.

FILTHY RICH

Astounding. Gets me every time. We'll talk later, Twilight. Got a bit of a headache, so catch me after my power nap.

DIAMOND TIARA

Daddy, I want a power nap.

FILTHY RICH

Well, you are the reason I take them ...

Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara start to walk away.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Mr. Filthy, please. I can't work with her. Whatever you're paying her, I'll pay you twice as much NOT to hire her. How much are you paying her?

Filthy Rich whispers in Twilight's ear. She looks shocked.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Wow. Really? That's, um … really?

FILTHY RICH

Whatever problem you two are having, you had better work it out.

Diamond Tiara scowls at Twilight as she and Filthy Rich walk away. Twilight snaps.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

What's your game, Trixie?

TRIXIE

The Great and Powerful Trixie enjoys a game of tennis now and then.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

What are you trying to do here?

TRIXIE

I am trying to earn a great deal of money. What are you trying to do? If it's making a fool of yourself, you accomplished that at birth.

Trixie walks away. Twilight burns red with rage, smoke coming from her ears. Pinkie Pie hops by.

PINKIE PIE

Hey Twilight! I was gonna say the party looks amazing but then I thought that it looks so super-duper-quintuper-scooper amazing that actually to say it just looks amazing would kinda a mean thing to say. So I'm not gonna say the party looks amazing. I'm saying it looks amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing! That's spelled with thirty-five As!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Not now, Pinkie. I've got a lot on my mind.

PINKIE PIE

You mean Trixie? Hey, if she's mean to you, just throw a pie in her face! And stop worrying!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Sure. What could possibly go wrong?

Twilight looks up. Derpy has hung a large banner reading "Happy Birthday Diamond Tiara" - upside-down. Derpy smiles at her handiwork and nods.

EXT. RICH MANSION - NIGHT

It's not raining, but there's thunder in the distance.

INT. BACKSTAGE BALLROOM - NIGHT

The dark backstage of a makeshift theater. Trixie, looking very evil, is talking to what looks like a doll of Twilight.

TRIXIE

Soon. Soon, Twilight Sparkle, your hour will come. Soon you will learn what it means to -- mmph!

A duct tape gag is magically shoved over Trixie's mouth. She's yanked backwards and RESTRAINED by Twilight, who THROWS her on the floor. Rope begins to magically tie itself around Trixie. Lights flicker above. Twilight looks deranged.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

[laughs maniacally]

EXT. RICH MANSION - NIGHT

Thunder and lightning in the distance as guests enter for the party. Pinkie is enjoying the chocolate fountain a bit too much.

INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT

The party is fancy, but still clearly a child's birthday. There's a stage with curtains. The audience is half children, half adults. They're chanting.

AUDIENCE

Trixie! Trixie! Trixie! Trixie!

The lights go down. There's applause, which dies out as Twilight steps out, dressed as STAR SWIRL THE BEARDED.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE (affecting a voice)

Good morrow and salutations to children and scholars of every age! I, of course, am Star Swirl the Bearded, father of the amniomorphic spell, and most prominent and influential conjurer of the pre-Classical era!

Twilight levitates a book from backstage and opens it up.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Join me on a journey through obscure Equestrian history, and maybe we might all just learn something along the way!

Twilight winks. The crowd boos and throws food at Twilight. She winces.

APPLEJACK (in crowd)

Hey! Don't throw the snacks! I spent a lot of time on those snacks!

SILVER SPOON

It's like … the snackapocalypse.

Silver Spoon sheds a single tear. A tied-up Trixie hops out from backstage, mumbling through her tape gag.

CROWD

TRIXIE! TRIXIE! TRIXIE! TRIXIE!

Trixie glows with magic and throws off the rope and gag in one motion, standing in all her glory. The crowd cheers. Fanfare and fireworks.

TRIXIE

It takes more than that to defeat The Great and Powerful Trixie! Now back to the depths and begone, enemy of fun!

Trixie theatrically casts a spell, and rope ties itself around Twilight, who stumbles awkwardly, trips and falls off the stage.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Ulp!

TRIXIE

There shall be no learning tonight!

The crowd goes wild.

TRIXIE

That was Twilight Sparkle, who claims to be the most magical unicorn in Equestria.

Crowd laughter. Rarity shakes her head sadly and helps Twilight to her feet. After she's up, Twilight pushes Rarity away, annoyed.

TRIXIE

Once again, it's up to the Great and Powerful Trixie to show you real magic. Watch and learn! I mean, watch and don't learn. I mean --

She vanishes in a puff of smoke. Lights go out. An explosion of fireworks, then a neon representation of a huge Ursa Major looms over the audience. They oo and ahh. Lights go back on. Stomping applause.

TRIXIE

Now I'll need an assistant!

Snips, Snails and Scootaloo raise their hands excitedly.

SNIPS/SNAILS/SCOOTALOO

Oo! Oo! Pick me! Pick me! No, me!

TRIXIE

But not just any assistant. Say hello to Senorita Estupida!

Trixie levitates a crude doll of Twilight out from backstage. It has derped eyes. She makes it dance to "The Mexican Hat Dance." The crowd cheers. Twilight is shocked.

TRIXIE

How are you today, Senorita Estupida?

Trixie speaks for the doll, in a silly accent.

"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"

Books! I love books! I love books so much I gonna marry books! Gee, I wish I could read.

The crowd laughs. Derpy shakes her head, offended.

DERPY HOOVES

This is offensive on many levels.

TRIXIE

Would you like to help me with my next trick? All you have to do is count down from five. Four, three, two …

"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"

I no know, I not real good with math. Tee hee!

The crowd laughs.

TRIXIE

Well, what are you good at?

"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"

My mommy says I'm an expert nose-picker. Tee hee!

Crowd laughs. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have just arrived at back.

RAINBOW DASH

All right, that's it.

Rainbow flies toward the stage. A puff of smoke and a large GONG appears. Dash CRASHES into it and falls backstage. Fluttershy is flying, but stops awkwardly in her tracks, next to Trixie.

TRIXIE

It seems we have a volunteer! What's your name?

FLUTTERSHY

Um, um … I'm … uh …

"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"

You no have a name? That so sad! Oh, you should ask your parents to give you a name!

The crowd laughs. Trixie removes her hat, and puts it in Fluttershy's hooves. Trixie gestures. A puff of smoke inside the hat, and Trixie reaches in and removes ANGEL BUNNY.

FLUTTERSHY

A-Angel?

Angel looks annoyed and coughs. A dove flies out of his mouth. Trixie reaches into his mouth and pulls out a long string of handkerchiefs. The crowd applauds.

"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"

That's unpossible!

TRIXIE

It's magic! Let's give a big hand for our nameless volunteer!

Trixie kicks Fluttershy off the stage. The crowd stomp-applauds a bit.

"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"

But I no have hands, I only have hooves!

The crowd laughs. Lyra cheers and applauds with her front hooves, wiping a tear from her eye. Bon Bon facehooves. Twilight jumps up on the stage.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

All right, this has gone on long enough!

The crowd boos and throws food at Twilight. She winces.

TRIXIE

Look everyone! We have two Senorita Estupidas! That's even smarter than one!

Trixie uses magic to levitate Twilight and make her and Senorita Estupida dance together to the "Mexican Hat Dance." The crowd cheers. Twilight looks annoyed.

INT. BACKSTAGE BALLROOM - NIGHT

Rainbow Dash, crumpled on the floor, shakes her head and staggers to her feet. She hears muffled mumbling. ZECORA is tied up in the corner! Dash gasps and removes the gag on Zecora's mouth.

ZECORA

Quick! From her doll I fear the worst.

She made me use a voodoo curse!

INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT

Trixie has Senorita Estupida in a wooden box and is sawing her in half.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Great. You're sawing a doll in half. Very impressive.

"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"

Thank you. I glad you like it.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Get off the stage.

Trixie saws into the doll. Twilight doubles over in pain.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Ow … wha … what are you doing?

TRIXIE

What's the matter Senorita? Got a tummyache? Fillies and gentlecolts, this is real magic!

Trixie saws into the doll. Twilight groans in pain. Her belly shakes. Magic erupts around her.

Twilight SPLITS INTO TWO PIECES, at the waist. The audience gasps and cheers. Twilight looks in disbelief, in pain and walking around in two separate pieces. Trixie laughs maniacally.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

This … This is unpossible! Impossible, this is impossible.

TRIXIE

And now, my enthusiastic little admirers, let's see what happens when I light the doll on fire.

Trixie looks very evil. A flash of fire erupts between her hooves.

The lights flicker. The curtains billow out with a great wind. Trixie is almost knocked over. Zecora and Rainbow Dash appear in a flash of light, looking ready for battle.

ZECORA

Lulamoon, you've had your fun.

But now your time onstage is done!

Dash rushes to tackle Trixie. She steps aside to dodge her, and uses magic to twist and cripple Dash's wings.

RAINBOW DASH

Ow, ow, ow.

Dash bounces like a stone across the stage and falls off it. Twilight tries to use her magic, but it fizzles out. Twilight is in tears.

TRIXIE

What's the matter, Senorita? Is your magic only at half power?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Why … why are you doing this?

TRIXIE

Why? WHY?

Now Trixie is enraged. Fireworks and flame go off behind her.

ZECORA

You boast and brag and tell your tale.

But in a fair fight you would fail.

Rarity jumps onstage.

RARITY

She's right. You could never beat Twilight, no matter how hard you cheat.

TRIXIE

Don't you think I know that? My magic's good enough for them, but it'll never be good enough for you, and your precious Twilight Sparkle.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

You're a boasting, bragging liar.

TRIXIE

So are you.

RAINBOW DASH

You said you defeated an Ursa Major.

TRIXIE

I'm a showpony! I'm an entertainer! What am I supposed to say?

"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"

"Oh, I'm the mediocre and unimpressive Trixie, and my magic really isn't that good!"

TRIXIE

Shut up! You ruined my life! I lost everything, and now you won't even let me have this!

SNAILS

Dah, is this part of the show?

SNIPS

You are such a stereotype sometimes.

Diamond Tiara looks annoyed.

DIAMOND TIARA

Enough of this! Or neither of you are getting paid!

TRIXIE

You ran me out of town! And why? Because you don't like me. Why, because my magic's not good enough?

FLUTTERSHY

No. We don't like you because we don't like you. We think you're kinda mean.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

You're a self-absorbed, narcissistic loudmouth.

RAINBOW DASH

And so am I. I'm the fastest thing in Ponyville.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

And I'm the greatest, most powerful unicorn.

RARITY

I make the most fabulous dresses you've seen all week.

PINKIE PIE

I'm the best there is at throwing parties!

FLUTTERSHY

I'm … not completely useless, I guess.

APPLEJACK

I like apples.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

But you know what the difference is between you and me? I've got friends who will tell me when I'm making a fool of myself. Sometimes I'm even smart enough to listen to them.

Twilight hugs Rarity.

APPLEJACK

We were mean to you, and you were mean to us. And we're all real sorry about that.

RAINBOW DASH

But if you call yourself Great and Powerful you better be able to back that up. Because we've got this friend called Twilight, and she's really pretty awesome. How many friends have you got?

Trixie shrieks in anger. Her hooves erupt in flame, and she's about to set the doll on fire when -- SPLUT! Pinkie Pie throws a cake in her face. Trixie looks annoyed, but licks the cake off her face and smiles a little.

SILVER SPOON

FOOD FIGHT!

The crowd cheers. The waiters are taken by surprise as everypony grabs cakes and pies from their trays and starts throwing them. Derpy throws a cake at Doctor Whooves. Bon Bon throws one at Lyra. Pinkie Pie eats an entire cake in one bite. Octavia throws a cake at Vinyl Scratch. Apple Bloom throws a cake at Diamond Tiara. Spike, WINONA and Filthy Rich are playing poker when Berry Punch throws cakes at them. Sweetie Belle throws cake at Scootaloo. Zecora shrugs and throws cake at herself. Twilight glows with magic and is suddenly back in one piece. Trixie looks scared, grabs the doll and runs off backstage. After a moment, Twilight follows her.

EXT. RICH MANSION - NIGHT

Trixie is escaping out the backdoor, with the doll.

TRIXIE

Looks like it's just you and me, Senorita Estupida.

Twilight runs after Trixie. Both stop in their tracks.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Hey.

TRIXIE

What do you want? Haven't you done enough?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I'm sorry. I never meant to ruin your life.

Trixie takes a deep breath.

TRIXIE

It matters not. I don't need your approval. The Great and Powerful Trixie is still the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria!

Twilight nods.

TRIXIE

But, if I were ever unavailable for some reason, you're pretty great and powerful yourself.

Twilight hugs Trixie.

TRIXIE

I hate you so much.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I know, I know.

Diamond Tiara walks out the back door, covered in cake.

DIAMOND TIARA

I find this party acceptable.

Diamond Tiara walks off. Twilight breaks the hug and laughs. Back inside, the food fight is still going on full-steam.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE (V.O.)

Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that when you spend your time hating someone, and really want to hurt them, the only one you're hurting is yourself. Some ponies are never going to be your friend. We should spend our time and energy having fun with the friends we have. And it's okay to think you're Great and Powerful, as long as you let other ponies be Great and Powerful too.

INT. ROYAL PALACE - CELESTIA'S ROOM - NIGHT

PRINCESS CELESTIA is reading, eating cake by the fireplace. She levitates a second letter.

TRIXIE (V.O.)

Dear Princess Celestia, today The Great and Powerful Trixie learned that the one called Twilight Sparkle is an evil traitor who is planning to overthrow the crown and should be imprisoned immediately. Also she's stupid and terrible at magic. Also also, raspberry cake is surprisingly delicious when it's thrown at one's face.

Celestia looks at her cake, is baffled a moment, and then throws it at her face. She licks it off her face with a blank expression.

END CREDITS.