Return of Trixie (Uncut Script)
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
THE RETURN OF TRIXIE
EXT. HOOFINGTON STREETS - NIGHT
It's raining. A dirty, disheveled pony sits in the mud with a soggy sign saying "WILL WORK FOR MONEY." Ponies walk by, ignoring her. She wears a gem necklace. A few coins float in the remains of a wizard's hat. This is THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE, and she is a sad sight indeed.
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF PONYVILLE - NIGHT
A dumpster in the back of a restaurant. Trixie is digging through looking for food, but hears a noise and runs off into the restaurant's backdoor. DIAMOND TIARA, the spoiled little rich girl, and her father, FILTHY RICH, walk by. A young unicorn PORTER [cf. Sweet and Elite] holds two umbrellas above their heads. He himself is getting soaked, and he struggles with keeping the umbrellas balanced as they walk.
DIAMOND TIARA
I want a bouncy castle! No, a real castle! With an enchanted prince inside to tell me I'm pretty.
FILTHY RICH
I've already paid for Signore Floppypants. He's the finest clown in all of Equestria. You'll love him.
DIAMOND TIARA
I don't want a clown anymore!
FILTHY RICH
Why not?
DIAMOND TIARA
Because I don't want one!
We hear a clatter of dishes at the backdoor.
VOICE INSIDE RESTAURANT
Hey! You! Come back here!
Trixie runs out of the backdoor, a white doggie bag clutched in her mouth.
EXT. FIELDS - NIGHT
Trixie runs over a tall hill, silhouetted in moonlight. Dogs bark in the distance.
A pony, SCREWLOOSE, is chasing Trixie. Screwloose stops and barks like a dog.
The doggie bag in Trixie's mouth is wet. A daisy sandwich falls out of the soggy bag and lands in the mud. Trixie stops in her tracks, horrified. She kneels in the mud and cries.
A squirrel is eating an acorn. Trixie sees a pinecone on the ground. She picks it up and eats it, shivering.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE and SPIKE are running over the hills, Twilight holding a piece of navy blue cloth over their heads magically.
SPIKE
We have all that space that you're not using, and yes, I think it's time I had my own room.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
But a "casino room?"
That voice. Trixie recognizes that voice. Twilight and Spike run past Trixie, not noticing her.
SPIKE
Well, I call it a casino room, but it wouldn't be an actual casino. Well, it wouldn't just be a casino. It'd be my room. A Spike room. For doing Spike things.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Can we talk about this somewhere it isn't raining?
Trixie watches them run toward a light in the distance. Twilight Sparkle's library. Trixie's eyes narrow.
TRIXIE
Twilight Sparkle.
Lightning crashes.
INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT
There are books all over the floor. Twilight shakes the wet off of her like a dog. It gets all over Spike.
SPIKE
Hey!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Sorry.
Her fur suddenly fluffs out, making her look like a big fluff ball. Spike stares at her.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
What? What?
Spike bursts out laughing. Twilight walks over to a mirror and gasps.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
I hate when it rains in summer.
Twilight rolls on the ground a few times until her hair is flat again. Spike is still laughing. He wipes a tear from his eye.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
All right. Can you help me organize?
SPIKE
Can I have a casino room?
Twilight frowns.
SPIKE
I'm going to bed.
Spike starts to walk upstairs.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Spike!
SPIKE
What? You organize your books every day. You could do that with your eyes closed.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
It's not every day. It's every other day at most. Although doing it with my eyes closed does sound like a fun challenge! Okay fine, good night Spike.
SPIKE
Casino room.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Good NIGHT, Spike.
Spike zips upstairs. Twilight magically levitates all the books up from the floor, and rotates them slowly around her. The hair on her head puffs out. She straightens it with a hoof.
Lightning and a strong gust of wind. The front door bursts open, revealing a silhouetted Trixie, cloaked, with glowing eyes.
TRIXIE
TWILIGHT SPARKLE. Your judgement day has come.
Trixie steps into the light. She's wearing the cloth Twilight was using as an umbrella.
Trixie leaps toward Twilight. Twilight turns. All the books she was levitating clump together and fall on Trixie. She coughs pathetically.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry. I lost my concentration. Are you all right?
Trixie pops out from under the books.
TRIXIE
It is you that is not all right, Twilight Sparkle! It is you who will never be all right, ever again!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Hey, I know you!
TRIXIE
Yes. Look well upon this face, Twilight Sparkle, for it is the face of your doom!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
You're that terrible magician!
TRIXIE
I … I … am not a terrible magician! I am the Greatest, Most Powerful Sorceress in all the land!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
You lied about defeating an Ursa Major. Twistie, was it? Twixie?
TRIXIE
TRIXIE! The Great and Powerful Trixie! And I shall have my revenge!
Twilight's Smarty Pants doll is sitting on a table. Trixie levitates it and magically tears its head off. Twilight gasps.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Smarty Pants! You monster!
TRIXIE
Yes, now you begin to fear me.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
TRIXIE
And well you should! For I have spent the past one year, six months, five days, three hours and fifty-three and a half seconds preparing for this moment. Behold!
Trixie stands theatrically. Her hair whips into its familiar shape, and her green gem necklace now is very prominent.
TRIXIE
I have travelled to the farthest reaches of Equestrian civilization and brought back the wisdom of the Dragon Whisperers.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
You don't strike me as the whispering type. More like the loud, shouty type.
TRIXIE
Do you recognize this gem, Twilight Sparkle?
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
You sure like to say my name a lot.
TRIXIE
It glows when a dragon is near. Yes, soon the jaws of death will close around you, as The Great and Powerful Trixie summons a hundred dragons with only the sound of her voice!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
I don't think that's going to happen.
Trixie is glowing and levitating with magical power now. Her eyes glow white.
TRIXIE
Dragonii! Dragoonaah! Requendo karisitas voliendo triquorum di!
Twilight's eyes narrow, ready for a fight. Not even looking behind her, she levitates a book from the shelf and opens it, reading and shouting over Trixie. Wind blows everywhere around them.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Draquonequus hetiatis jeleknekai gheferianasis lo! Requensis nephronekas harva sai!
Trixie's gem glows brightly. Trixie gasps. She's startled enough to stop talking as her gem glows brighter ...
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Requendo harva sai! Draquona harva sai!
A large, dragon-shaped shadow at the top of the stairs.
Trixie's gem explodes. She screams in terror. She sets off a puff of smoke and runs away, out the front door.
Twilight shuts the front door with her magic, and shoves a small bookcase in front of it.
There's silence for a moment as the dust settles. Spike, of course, is standing at the top of the stairs.
SPIKE
Um … what was that all about?
Twilight's not sure either.
EXT. PONYVILLE STREETS - DAY
Twilight runs through the streets, nearly knocking into vendors' carts. The FLOWER TRIO watch her as she goes.
INT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - DAY
The door opens and Twilight bursts through. Pinkie Pie is making a cake.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Pinkie! Where is everypony?
PINKIE PIE (light speed)
No one told you? That makes me so sad that no one told you, but now I get to tell you and that makes me happy! So --
TWILIGHT SPARKLE (interrupting)
What's going on?
PINKIE PIE (duh)
Only the most splendiferous, fantubulous, magnificalicious birthday party ever!
Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara step out from the back room.
FILTHY RICH
My daughter wouldn't have it any other way.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Oh. Hi, random people I don't really know.
Pinkie is hopping around excitedly.
PINKIE PIE
Twilight, that's Filthy Rich. And he's not even that filthy, but he sure is rich! So there's gonna be cake and candy and cupcakes and rollercoaster rides and a chocolate fountain and clowns …
DIAMOND TIARA
No clowns.
PINKIE PIE
And no clowns and a real haunted castle --
DIAMOND TIARA
Enchanted castle!
PINKIE PIE
They've even hired a magician!
A set of curtains open up with a familiar fanfare. Trixie smiles, in full wizard regalia. Twilight backs away in fear.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
No. No. Please, no.
TRIXIE (polite)
Hello everypony. Oh, you don't have to be afraid of me. I'm a magician, not a clown.
DIAMOND TIARA
There will be no clowns.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
I … I just remembered. I have to go … get my eyes … straightened. Okaygoodbye!
Twilight runs out the door. Trixie and Filthy look at one another. DERPY HOOVES is passing by, looking confused.
DERPY
That's offensive.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SUGARCUBE CORNER - DAY
Panicked, Twilight runs down the street, CRASHING into APPLEJACK, who is pulling a cart of apples and apple treats. APPLE BLOOM is also there.
APPLE BLOOM
HEY! Why don't you watch where you're going, you big lumbering moron -- Oh, hi Twilight! Why don't you watch where you're going, you normal-sized, intelligent sweetheart?
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Oh, I'm so sorry Applejack. Boy, am I glad to see you.
APPLEJACK
What's wrong Twilight? You look paler than a pirate's patoot.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
I would think pirates would be very tan from spending all their time outside on the open seas. If you wanted to preserve the alliteration you could say professor, as in paler than a professor's patoot, because professors tend to stay ...
APPLEJACK
You're losin' me, Twi.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Oh. Sorry. You know there was that big storm last night, which nopony warned me about, by the way. Well, no sooner had I dried myself off than … Where are you going with all that food?
APPLE BLOOM
To Sugarcube Corner! It's for Diamond Tiara's birthday!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Applejack … not you too.
APPLEJACK
What? My family and the Riches have been doing business since before there was a Ponyville! And I wouldn't want to disappoint one of Apple Bloom's good friends!
APPLE BLOOM
We're not really friends. She's kind of a pain in the --
Applejack stuffs an apple in Apple Bloom's mouth. She looks surprised, then sighs, then munches on it.
APPLEJACK
I'm doing it for the money.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Well, you can't! You shan't! You mustn't!
APPLEJACK
Why? What's wrong?
Trixie's fanfare plays as she appears in a puff of smoke. Filthy Rich, Diamond Tiara, and her friend SILVER SPOON walk up to the cart.
SILVER SPOON
Oh, that looks delicious. That looks delicious too.
DIAMOND TIARA
I want all of them.
FILTHY RICH
Applejack. I thought that was you. I can smell your cooking a mile away. (He takes a deep breath.) These all for us?
APPLEJACK
Yessir, Mr. Filthy.
FILTHY RICH
I wish you wouldn't call me that, but I must say you've outdone yourself yet again.
SILVER SPOON
There are so many snacks. It's gonna be like snack city.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
She's evil!
FILTHY RICH
What?
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Your magician! She's evil!
Trixie laughs politely.
TRIXIE
Nope, no evil sorcery here, just good old-fashioned smoke and mirrors.
Trixie sets off a small pink smoke pellet and flashes a mirror briefly, through sleight of hand. Playing cards fall from her cape.
TRIXIE
If you thought that was something, you should see the real show.
Filthy laughs and slaps Trixie on the back - she coughs up a dove.
FILTHY RICH
Trixie, I'd heard you were good, but I didn't think you were good enough to fool the great Twilight Sparkle!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE (grumbling)
She didn't fool me. She never fooled me.
FILTHY RICH
Actually Ms. Sparkle, I wanted to talk to you. Word around town is, you're something of an organizational genius.
APPLEJACK
Sir, when it comes to bein' organized about everythin' to the point where it gets creepy, Twilight here is just about the creepiest there is.
Filthy nods. That's good enough for him.
FILTHY RICH
This party's a big production. I'd like you to be in charge of it.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
I … I couldn't --
TRIXIE
Filthy! Mr. Rich, sir! You put me in charge of the entertainment!
FILTHY RICH (flatly)
And I'm sure you'll be very entertaining.
Trixie, now genuinely flustered, glares at Twilight.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
How … how can I say no? It would be an honor, Mr. Rich.
FILTHY RICH
You can call me Filthy. Everyone else does.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Well, Trixie - is that your name, Trixie? I look forward to working with you.
TRIXIE
Yes. It ought to be a real blast.
Twilight and Trixie grit their teeth at one another, almost eyeball to eyeball. Pinkie Pie pops up out of nowhere.
PINKIE PIE
And then I say something!
EXT. RICH MANSION - GARDEN - DAY
A gazebo, a beautiful outdoor garden, and preparations for a party. A stage and fountain are being constructed. CHERRY BERRY is welding. DOCTOR WHOOVES uses an unusual screwdriver. Musicians OCTAVIA and VINYL SCRATCH rehearse while CHEERILEE dances, hopping on two legs. Derpy Hooves is flying while carrying a large statue of a pony musician, and bangs it into just about everything. LYRA and BON-BON are sitting on a bench when a crash startles them. Lyra stands.
LYRA
You need a hand there?
DERPY
No, I'm good.
Derpy smacks the statue into the back of the bench, knocking Bon Bon off. She shrieks and lands on her head, her legs in the air. Lyra laughs.
DERPY
Oops. Sorry. My bad.
WILDFIRE is stirring the punch bowl. BERRY PUNCH shows her a wallet and ID card.
BERRY PUNCH
Hi, I'm here to test the punch. I think you'll find my paperwork is in order.
Berry Punch dunks her head into the punch bowl and takes a huge mouthful, then belches. Wildfire look annoyed.
RARITY reclines on a fainting couch while a disheveled-looking Twilight paces around, having worn the grass down in a circular pattern.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
This is the worst possible thing.
RARITY
Oh, don't be such a drama queen. When was the last time you got a good night's sleep?
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Sleep? I can't sleep! That's exactly what she wants me to do. If I let my guard down, even for a second, BAM!
Twilight claps her hooves together.
RARITY
I don't know what you're so worked up about. When someone hates me that much, I just take it as a compliment. I assume they hate me because I'm beautiful.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
She's insane. And she's fooled everyone!
RARITY
So be patient. If she's that crazy she won't fool anyone for long.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
She's capable of anything! She's got a crazy plan to destroy me.
Rarity stands and puts her hoof around Twilight's shoulder.
RARITY
Nothing she could do is as bad as what you're doing to yourself. Get some rest. You've got friends. We'll keep an eye on her for you.
Twilight pushes Rarity away.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
You don't believe me.
RARITY
Of course I do. Twilight, we want to help you.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
I'm going for a walk.
Rarity looks worried as Twilight leaves.
Spike walks along, talking to Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara.
FILTHY RICH
But why's it called a casino room?
SPIKE
It's a room that turns into a casino. There's poker and roulette, slots and dice and dancing waitresses …
DIAMOND TIARA
Daddy, I want a casino room.
FILTHY RICH
Okay.
Spike can't contain his excitement.
SPIKE
This is gonna be the best party ever!
A very tired-looking Twilight glares at Spike.
SPIKE
Oh. Hi, Twilight. Bye, Twilight.
Spike zips away.
DIAMOND TIARA
Wow. You look terrible.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE (badly faked enthusiasm)
Just working around the clock to make this the best party ever!
FILTHY RICH
Glad to hear it.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
I need to talk to you about ...
Fanfare. Trixie appears in a puff of smoke.
FILTHY RICH
Astounding. Gets me every time. We'll talk later, Twilight. Got a bit of a headache, so catch me after my power nap.
DIAMOND TIARA
Daddy, I want a power nap.
FILTHY RICH
Well, you are the reason I take them ...
Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara start to walk away.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Mr. Filthy, please. I can't work with her. Whatever you're paying her, I'll pay you twice as much NOT to hire her. How much are you paying her?
Filthy Rich whispers in Twilight's ear. She looks shocked.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Wow. Really? That's, um … really?
FILTHY RICH
Whatever problem you two are having, you had better work it out.
Diamond Tiara scowls at Twilight as she and Filthy Rich walk away. Twilight snaps.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
What's your game, Trixie?
TRIXIE
The Great and Powerful Trixie enjoys a game of tennis now and then.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
What are you trying to do here?
TRIXIE
I am trying to earn a great deal of money. What are you trying to do? If it's making a fool of yourself, you accomplished that at birth.
Trixie walks away. Twilight burns red with rage, smoke coming from her ears. Pinkie Pie hops by.
PINKIE PIE
Hey Twilight! I was gonna say the party looks amazing but then I thought that it looks so super-duper-quintuper-scooper amazing that actually to say it just looks amazing would kinda a mean thing to say. So I'm not gonna say the party looks amazing. I'm saying it looks amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing! That's spelled with thirty-five As!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Not now, Pinkie. I've got a lot on my mind.
PINKIE PIE
You mean Trixie? Hey, if she's mean to you, just throw a pie in her face! And stop worrying!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Sure. What could possibly go wrong?
Twilight looks up. Derpy has hung a large banner reading "Happy Birthday Diamond Tiara" - upside-down. Derpy smiles at her handiwork and nods.
EXT. RICH MANSION - NIGHT
It's not raining, but there's thunder in the distance.
INT. BACKSTAGE BALLROOM - NIGHT
The dark backstage of a makeshift theater. Trixie, looking very evil, is talking to what looks like a doll of Twilight.
TRIXIE
Soon. Soon, Twilight Sparkle, your hour will come. Soon you will learn what it means to -- mmph!
A duct tape gag is magically shoved over Trixie's mouth. She's yanked backwards and RESTRAINED by Twilight, who THROWS her on the floor. Rope begins to magically tie itself around Trixie. Lights flicker above. Twilight looks deranged.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
[laughs maniacally]
EXT. RICH MANSION - NIGHT
Thunder and lightning in the distance as guests enter for the party. Pinkie is enjoying the chocolate fountain a bit too much.
INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT
The party is fancy, but still clearly a child's birthday. There's a stage with curtains. The audience is half children, half adults. They're chanting.
AUDIENCE
Trixie! Trixie! Trixie! Trixie!
The lights go down. There's applause, which dies out as Twilight steps out, dressed as STAR SWIRL THE BEARDED.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE (affecting a voice)
Good morrow and salutations to children and scholars of every age! I, of course, am Star Swirl the Bearded, father of the amniomorphic spell, and most prominent and influential conjurer of the pre-Classical era!
Twilight levitates a book from backstage and opens it up.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Join me on a journey through obscure Equestrian history, and maybe we might all just learn something along the way!
Twilight winks. The crowd boos and throws food at Twilight. She winces.
APPLEJACK (in crowd)
Hey! Don't throw the snacks! I spent a lot of time on those snacks!
SILVER SPOON
It's like … the snackapocalypse.
Silver Spoon sheds a single tear. A tied-up Trixie hops out from backstage, mumbling through her tape gag.
CROWD
TRIXIE! TRIXIE! TRIXIE! TRIXIE!
Trixie glows with magic and throws off the rope and gag in one motion, standing in all her glory. The crowd cheers. Fanfare and fireworks.
TRIXIE
It takes more than that to defeat The Great and Powerful Trixie! Now back to the depths and begone, enemy of fun!
Trixie theatrically casts a spell, and rope ties itself around Twilight, who stumbles awkwardly, trips and falls off the stage.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Ulp!
TRIXIE
There shall be no learning tonight!
The crowd goes wild.
TRIXIE
That was Twilight Sparkle, who claims to be the most magical unicorn in Equestria.
Crowd laughter. Rarity shakes her head sadly and helps Twilight to her feet. After she's up, Twilight pushes Rarity away, annoyed.
TRIXIE
Once again, it's up to the Great and Powerful Trixie to show you real magic. Watch and learn! I mean, watch and don't learn. I mean --
She vanishes in a puff of smoke. Lights go out. An explosion of fireworks, then a neon representation of a huge Ursa Major looms over the audience. They oo and ahh. Lights go back on. Stomping applause.
TRIXIE
Now I'll need an assistant!
Snips, Snails and Scootaloo raise their hands excitedly.
SNIPS/SNAILS/SCOOTALOO
Oo! Oo! Pick me! Pick me! No, me!
TRIXIE
But not just any assistant. Say hello to Senorita Estupida!
Trixie levitates a crude doll of Twilight out from backstage. It has derped eyes. She makes it dance to "The Mexican Hat Dance." The crowd cheers. Twilight is shocked.
TRIXIE
How are you today, Senorita Estupida?
Trixie speaks for the doll, in a silly accent.
"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"
Books! I love books! I love books so much I gonna marry books! Gee, I wish I could read.
The crowd laughs. Derpy shakes her head, offended.
DERPY HOOVES
This is offensive on many levels.
TRIXIE
Would you like to help me with my next trick? All you have to do is count down from five. Four, three, two …
"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"
I no know, I not real good with math. Tee hee!
The crowd laughs.
TRIXIE
Well, what are you good at?
"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"
My mommy says I'm an expert nose-picker. Tee hee!
Crowd laughs. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have just arrived at back.
RAINBOW DASH
All right, that's it.
Rainbow flies toward the stage. A puff of smoke and a large GONG appears. Dash CRASHES into it and falls backstage. Fluttershy is flying, but stops awkwardly in her tracks, next to Trixie.
TRIXIE
It seems we have a volunteer! What's your name?
FLUTTERSHY
Um, um … I'm … uh …
"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"
You no have a name? That so sad! Oh, you should ask your parents to give you a name!
The crowd laughs. Trixie removes her hat, and puts it in Fluttershy's hooves. Trixie gestures. A puff of smoke inside the hat, and Trixie reaches in and removes ANGEL BUNNY.
FLUTTERSHY
A-Angel?
Angel looks annoyed and coughs. A dove flies out of his mouth. Trixie reaches into his mouth and pulls out a long string of handkerchiefs. The crowd applauds.
"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"
That's unpossible!
TRIXIE
It's magic! Let's give a big hand for our nameless volunteer!
Trixie kicks Fluttershy off the stage. The crowd stomp-applauds a bit.
"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"
But I no have hands, I only have hooves!
The crowd laughs. Lyra cheers and applauds with her front hooves, wiping a tear from her eye. Bon Bon facehooves. Twilight jumps up on the stage.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
All right, this has gone on long enough!
The crowd boos and throws food at Twilight. She winces.
TRIXIE
Look everyone! We have two Senorita Estupidas! That's even smarter than one!
Trixie uses magic to levitate Twilight and make her and Senorita Estupida dance together to the "Mexican Hat Dance." The crowd cheers. Twilight looks annoyed.
INT. BACKSTAGE BALLROOM - NIGHT
Rainbow Dash, crumpled on the floor, shakes her head and staggers to her feet. She hears muffled mumbling. ZECORA is tied up in the corner! Dash gasps and removes the gag on Zecora's mouth.
ZECORA
Quick! From her doll I fear the worst.
She made me use a voodoo curse!
INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT
Trixie has Senorita Estupida in a wooden box and is sawing her in half.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Great. You're sawing a doll in half. Very impressive.
"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"
Thank you. I glad you like it.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Get off the stage.
Trixie saws into the doll. Twilight doubles over in pain.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Ow … wha … what are you doing?
TRIXIE
What's the matter Senorita? Got a tummyache? Fillies and gentlecolts, this is real magic!
Trixie saws into the doll. Twilight groans in pain. Her belly shakes. Magic erupts around her.
Twilight SPLITS INTO TWO PIECES, at the waist. The audience gasps and cheers. Twilight looks in disbelief, in pain and walking around in two separate pieces. Trixie laughs maniacally.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
This … This is unpossible! Impossible, this is impossible.
TRIXIE
And now, my enthusiastic little admirers, let's see what happens when I light the doll on fire.
Trixie looks very evil. A flash of fire erupts between her hooves.
The lights flicker. The curtains billow out with a great wind. Trixie is almost knocked over. Zecora and Rainbow Dash appear in a flash of light, looking ready for battle.
ZECORA
Lulamoon, you've had your fun.
But now your time onstage is done!
Dash rushes to tackle Trixie. She steps aside to dodge her, and uses magic to twist and cripple Dash's wings.
RAINBOW DASH
Ow, ow, ow.
Dash bounces like a stone across the stage and falls off it. Twilight tries to use her magic, but it fizzles out. Twilight is in tears.
TRIXIE
What's the matter, Senorita? Is your magic only at half power?
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Why … why are you doing this?
TRIXIE
Why? WHY?
Now Trixie is enraged. Fireworks and flame go off behind her.
ZECORA
You boast and brag and tell your tale.
But in a fair fight you would fail.
Rarity jumps onstage.
RARITY
She's right. You could never beat Twilight, no matter how hard you cheat.
TRIXIE
Don't you think I know that? My magic's good enough for them, but it'll never be good enough for you, and your precious Twilight Sparkle.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
You're a boasting, bragging liar.
TRIXIE
So are you.
RAINBOW DASH
You said you defeated an Ursa Major.
TRIXIE
I'm a showpony! I'm an entertainer! What am I supposed to say?
"SENORITA ESTUPIDA"
"Oh, I'm the mediocre and unimpressive Trixie, and my magic really isn't that good!"
TRIXIE
Shut up! You ruined my life! I lost everything, and now you won't even let me have this!
SNAILS
Dah, is this part of the show?
SNIPS
You are such a stereotype sometimes.
Diamond Tiara looks annoyed.
DIAMOND TIARA
Enough of this! Or neither of you are getting paid!
TRIXIE
You ran me out of town! And why? Because you don't like me. Why, because my magic's not good enough?
FLUTTERSHY
No. We don't like you because we don't like you. We think you're kinda mean.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
You're a self-absorbed, narcissistic loudmouth.
RAINBOW DASH
And so am I. I'm the fastest thing in Ponyville.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
And I'm the greatest, most powerful unicorn.
RARITY
I make the most fabulous dresses you've seen all week.
PINKIE PIE
I'm the best there is at throwing parties!
FLUTTERSHY
I'm … not completely useless, I guess.
APPLEJACK
I like apples.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
But you know what the difference is between you and me? I've got friends who will tell me when I'm making a fool of myself. Sometimes I'm even smart enough to listen to them.
Twilight hugs Rarity.
APPLEJACK
We were mean to you, and you were mean to us. And we're all real sorry about that.
RAINBOW DASH
But if you call yourself Great and Powerful you better be able to back that up. Because we've got this friend called Twilight, and she's really pretty awesome. How many friends have you got?
Trixie shrieks in anger. Her hooves erupt in flame, and she's about to set the doll on fire when -- SPLUT! Pinkie Pie throws a cake in her face. Trixie looks annoyed, but licks the cake off her face and smiles a little.
SILVER SPOON
FOOD FIGHT!
The crowd cheers. The waiters are taken by surprise as everypony grabs cakes and pies from their trays and starts throwing them. Derpy throws a cake at Doctor Whooves. Bon Bon throws one at Lyra. Pinkie Pie eats an entire cake in one bite. Octavia throws a cake at Vinyl Scratch. Apple Bloom throws a cake at Diamond Tiara. Spike, WINONA and Filthy Rich are playing poker when Berry Punch throws cakes at them. Sweetie Belle throws cake at Scootaloo. Zecora shrugs and throws cake at herself. Twilight glows with magic and is suddenly back in one piece. Trixie looks scared, grabs the doll and runs off backstage. After a moment, Twilight follows her.
EXT. RICH MANSION - NIGHT
Trixie is escaping out the backdoor, with the doll.
TRIXIE
Looks like it's just you and me, Senorita Estupida.
Twilight runs after Trixie. Both stop in their tracks.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Hey.
TRIXIE
What do you want? Haven't you done enough?
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
I'm sorry. I never meant to ruin your life.
Trixie takes a deep breath.
TRIXIE
It matters not. I don't need your approval. The Great and Powerful Trixie is still the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria!
Twilight nods.
TRIXIE
But, if I were ever unavailable for some reason, you're pretty great and powerful yourself.
Twilight hugs Trixie.
TRIXIE
I hate you so much.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
I know, I know.
Diamond Tiara walks out the back door, covered in cake.
DIAMOND TIARA
I find this party acceptable.
Diamond Tiara walks off. Twilight breaks the hug and laughs. Back inside, the food fight is still going on full-steam.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE (V.O.)
Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that when you spend your time hating someone, and really want to hurt them, the only one you're hurting is yourself. Some ponies are never going to be your friend. We should spend our time and energy having fun with the friends we have. And it's okay to think you're Great and Powerful, as long as you let other ponies be Great and Powerful too.
INT. ROYAL PALACE - CELESTIA'S ROOM - NIGHT
PRINCESS CELESTIA is reading, eating cake by the fireplace. She levitates a second letter.
TRIXIE (V.O.)
Dear Princess Celestia, today The Great and Powerful Trixie learned that the one called Twilight Sparkle is an evil traitor who is planning to overthrow the crown and should be imprisoned immediately. Also she's stupid and terrible at magic. Also also, raspberry cake is surprisingly delicious when it's thrown at one's face.
Celestia looks at her cake, is baffled a moment, and then throws it at her face. She licks it off her face with a blank expression.
END CREDITS.
