A lesson in Civil War

by Crimmar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 2182

The ranks of the Pro-reg and the Anti-reg forces are bolstered by two unknown combatants.

There is a war going on. A Civil War.

Celestia believes there could be a lesson hidden about friendship in there.

Luna believes she can totally take on Ironman.

Published 2016-05-09 09:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-09 09:30:01 UTC

Airport Battle

“They are not stopping,” Spider-man said. His voice, and the way he looked to Ironman for guidance, betrayed his anxiety.

Ironman, or Tony for friends, Mr. Stark for Spider-man, and Mr. Stank in the near future for his best friend, refused to budge or show doubt. “Neither are we,” he answered, simply.

Their pacing slowly turned to running. Vision started to hover a few centimeters off the ground. Power suits circuits warmed up to pump their thrusters with power. Weapons got ready, arrows were nocked, and a shield known everywhere was standing ready.

Then two pegasi with horns on their heads got in the way.

“See, Celestia, I told you we were going be late. They’ve started without us,” the smaller, dark one said.

“It’s fine, Luna. They haven’t finished yet. We can still join in,” The larger, brilliant white said.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t wasted our time.”

“A fight takes a lot of energy. I just wanted us to finish our meal so we could be at our best.”

“No, you just wanted to finish thy dessert. We are on to your tricks sister dear,” the one called Luna pointed at the one called Celestia with an accusatory hoof.

Captain America took a single step forward. “Er, Tony, are these… ladies more surprises from your end?”

“Actually, I was wondering if they are friends of yours. I… haven’t seen them before. I’m pretty sure I’d remember”

Spider-man lifted up his arm, as in to request permission to speak from the teacher. “Excuse me, but am I the only one who just heard two horses talk?”

“Eh, I’ve seen weirder,” Ironman said, shrugging.

“We’re not horses,” Luna declared, scowling. “We are ponies.”

Ant-man let out a relieved breath. “Oh man, I’m so glad we cleared that out. Now it makes so much more sense.”

“I believe that none of your sides knows us. Let me introduce ourselves. I am Celestia, the Princess of the Sun. This is my sister, Luna, Princess of the Moon.”

“I would like to retract my previous statement,” Ironman said.

“And you’re here… why?” Black Widow asked.

“But to fight of course,” Luna answered. “We are here to prove our mettle, and to bathe in the glory of battle. Bards will sing tales of today’s bloodshed for centuries to come,” Luna finished, yelling louder and louder.

Ironman leaned over War Machine’s side. “Does she remind you of someone?”

“There isn’t going to be any bloodshed, Luna. We’ll keep it civil,” Celestia instructed.

Luna chortled. “Yes, of course. Snrk...” she giggled.

“Do you stand on the side of justice… or would you defend a murderer?” Black Panther challenged them.

“Oh, right. We didn’t decide yet.” Celestia’s horn lit and a gold coin levitated in front of her. “Heads, I join the armored knight’s side and you go to others, tails for the reverse?”

“You can’t choose a side by chance!” Scarlet Witch complained loudly.

“Eeeh, to be honest, this makes as much sense as anything,” Hawkeye mumbled.

“We can’t?” Celestia asked, looking genuinely perplexed.

“Listen lady… thing,” Ironman said. “We don’t do this for giggles. These men have broken the law. I don’t like what I have to do, but it must be done. Steve is my friend, and he may not realize that, but I’m only trying to-”

“Steve? Steve Rogers, correct? The Captain America?” Luna asked. “Didn’t you relatively recently awoke to a new world after being frozen for decades?”

“I, uh… Yes, ma’am,” Captain America answered.

“Hmm. You may keep your bit sister. I believe I have chosen my side,” Luna said, and purposefully stood to the side of Captain America’s forces.

Celestia trotted next to Ironman smiling happily. “I believe this is my spot then. Oooh, I’m getting kinda tingly. I think this will turn out quite fun, won’t it?”

Hawkeye looked at Luna speculatively.

“What?” Luna asked.

He pointed at her wings. “If these work, you should let me ride you and then we can rain death from above,” he said, lifting his bow.

“As tempting as that sounds, we’ll pass. We’ll be more agile without you to hinder us, and to put it bluntly, we find your choice of weapon ineffective against our current opponents.”

Hawkeye scowled at her. “You are so lucky you’re not on their side…” he mumbled.

War Machine addressed his new ally. “So… you’re gonna fight against your own sister, just like that?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I assure you, Luna is not going to hold back at all, not even on my account.”

“Muahahaha!” the aforementioned alicorn exhibited her very good sense of hearing.

“You might want to protect your… vital areas,” Celestia advised, her eyes flickering downwards.

“I wear armor for a reason.”

“As I said, you might want to protect your vital areas.”

Luna yawned. “Are we going to stand here all day or get it on top?”

“On, Luna. Get it on.”

“Oh, we shall!”

“Ok, lost my patience again. Fight. Now!” Ironman called out and charged ahead, repulsor rays at the ready.

A magical ray shot from a horn shot him down immediately.

“Huzzah! It’s just like skeet!”

Celestia flared her wings to stop mid-air, and kicked the insistent bird man that kept following her. The Falcon barely managed to block the hit with his metal wings, but still crashed quite heavily on the airport tarmac.

“Hah!” Celestia laughed. “One more point for me, Luna.”

“We’re making use of a point system?” Luna asked while giving Spider-man an unwanted ride fifty meters over the ground. “Thou didn’t notify us of this sister.”

Ironman flew over to the left of Luna and hit her with a repulsor ray. “Put down the kid. I don’t want to have to explain to his hot aunt that I got him broken.”

“Come on, man,” Spider-man begged. “Let go of my aunt.”

Luna got blasted off by Ironman’s repulsors, and War Machine took the chance to fly below her and grab Spider-man who was hanging off a web from Luna’s leg.

“Thou darest? Brace thyself, and sister, prepare for a recount, for this princess is about to double all the points. Have at thee, you cur!” Luna lifted her hoof. Her eyes went white. The clouds overhead went dark with the promise of a storm.

“Seriously, do you happen to know Thor or someth- uuf!” A bolt of lightning fell down from the heavens, guided by Luna’s hoof, and hit Ironman dead center.

“This is pitifully easy. I expected more of a challeng-” Luna’s words were cut short by an extremely enhanced double repulsor ray, courtesy of the lightning’s power up.

“Thanks, I needed that. You are a doll,” Ironman taunted Luna.

“Insolent whelp! Thou shall taste dirt for this.”

“Maybe she was the pony his parents got him when he was a kid,” Ironman whispered to himself.

War Machine blasted towards Luna, guns blazing. “Alright Tony, I got her. Go get Cap.”

“Thou would interrupt our duel? Fine.” Luna welcomed the challenge, no matter how short lived she knew it would be. “Let’s see how well you handle a telekinetic crushing.”

“Please, go ahead,” War Machine said as he fired off a cluster of missiles that were blocked by a magical forcefield. “Try to crush this armor. Let’s see how this works out.”

Luna’s eyes went white once again, and her smirk would make a god of mischief proud. “We’re not aiming for your armor.”

There was no animal themed superhuman in the field with the right set of powers, like a dog-man or something similar. Rhode’s scream went unheard.

“Hello, I’m Clint.”

“A pleasure to meet you mr. Clint. I’m Celestia.”

Hawkeye drew his bow. “So, how are we doing this?”

Celestia picked him up in her magic, bow and all. “Oh, we’re not. We’re horribly matched. I would hate to hurt you.” She threw him over Black Widow’s direction. “Go play with your friend instead.”

A piece of asphalt, covered in red, misty energy, was stopped by Celestia’s magic before it took her head off. “Ooh, nice grip. Impressive.”

“You think that’s impressive?” Wanda challenged the Sun Princess. “Let’s see you handle this!” The Scarlet Witch made a grabbing motion and lifted up her arms with force. At the same time, the ground below Celestia sprung like a trap, caught her between the rising pillars, and crashed her.

Or so it would have done if she hadn’t teleported right next to Wanda Maximoff.

“I’m sorry my dear, but are you using hand gestures to focus your power?”

“How did you get over here?” Wanda asked, backing off.

“Magic,” Celestia answered simply. She caught a fist sized piece of asphalt in her own magic and levitated it in front of Wanda. “While they may help you focus your power at first, they limit you quite easily. You link the amount of power you can use to the strength of your own body, and subconsciously may be limiting them to match the tension you believe your hands should feel. Try to crash this rock to dust without using any hand gestures at all. Simple willpower.”

“What?”

“Go ahead, give it a try,” Celestia goaded her gently. “It’s ok if you don’t manage it at first. One step at a time.”

“Uhh…”

Ironman stopped and hovered in place, having a hard time to believe what he was seeing. Captain America stopped in his tracks too, holding off from throwing his mighty shield at Ironman.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me? Are you actually giving her lessons? Here? Now?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m mostly a teacher at heart. You see somepony so young, with so much promise and you-”

“You do realize we are in the middle of a serious fight right now?” the eternal snarker asked her.

Luna chose that moment to fly close by, driven by Vision’s ray. “Two more points for me sister! I’ll have another one in a few seconds!”

“Can’t you two take this seriously? Why are you even here?”

Luna got up, shaking her head. “To have fun! I have to say, this is much better than bobbing for apples.”

“Are we really supposed to take this seriously, mr. Stark?” Celestia asked him, reminding him way too much of his fourth grade teacher. “Isn’t the only reason we’re having this fight because you refuse to listen to your friend, like a young foal throwing a tantrum?”

“Rogers is trying to protect his friend. I get that, but what he is doing is making things worse by-”

“Mr. Stark,” Celestia said, cutting him off sharply. “If I’m not wrong, Steve Rogers did try to warn you about somepony behind this, pulling the strings, and trying to achieve a nefarious goal of their own?”

“Yeah, well,” Ironman said, bitterly. “He’s trying to cover up for-”

“I’m not lying Tony.”

“Yes you are. What, are you trying to make me seriously believe that five more like him just popped out?”

Celestia cleared her throat to gain their attention. “Mr. Stark. If you could answer me this simple question. When has Steve Rogers, your friend, lied to you?”

“Well, uh…”

“I’m waiting.”

“There was the time he drank he last coke and he didn’t admit it.”

“That was Hawkeye, not me.”

“You. Are such. A liar. Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

“He was drinking it right as you were coming in the kitchen. You saw him!”

Ironman pointed towards Celestia. “I’m going to tell the teacher on you.”

Everyone had stopped to watch.

Ant-man could barely believe he was seeing this. “Wow, this… this is really happening. We turned this into a schoolyard fight. Kudos to us guys. Nice job. Maybe we can go and have some chocolate milk together later.”

“I wouldn’t mind some,” Spider-man said.

Luna hovered over. “Sister, we’re not stopping are we?”

“I believe we just might be.”

Luna’s eyes widened. “What? Unacceptable. I’m still one point behind. I can still get the lead, and I just know how.”

Luna’s horn lit up with intense, mystical energies. The sky darkened and the moon appeared, incredibly fast. Then, with a small grunt of the princess, it started getting larger and larger.

“Moooooooooooon!” Luna cried out, laughing insanely.

“What the hell? What the hell!” Ant-man freaked out.

“Holy shit!” Spider-man cried out.

Hawkeye looked at the arrow on his left fist, and his favorite bow he held on the right. He let them both fall down with a shrug. “Man, I give up. This has gotten ridiculous.”

Celestia stood in front of Luna. “Luna, cease this at once. Return the moon back to it’s previous position.”

Luna scowled, but did as she was asked. “Oh, alright. I would totally win however.”

“I highly doubt you ever stood a chance, sister,” Celestia smirked.

“Oh? Why?” Luna asked, genuinely curious.

“Because…” Celestia smiled wickedly.

“Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!”

Author's Note

Guess who just watched a certain movie last night!
In retrospect, I should have focused more on it and less on "Oh man, this would be so cool if the princesses were there."