Well, not to sure how these are supposed to go, but here goes nothing. Who cares, the last pony to read this will probably be the guards when they come to scrape the contents of my head off of the wall.
I'm writing this as a note to put down all my regrets, all the mistakes in my forsaken life, so that way when I read this, I can hate myself even more and won't have a problem pulling the trigger.
I tell you, I remember as if it was yesterday. I was on top of the world. A new album releasing every six months with my fans adoring me, a small little family, a gorgeous house and a mare who I love more than anything.
Now, look at me. I'm sitting here, constantly stoned out of my mind with a cigarette hanging from my mouth, not a bit to my name and different narcotics littering my house...well room.
I can't even go outside anymore without be reminded about my mistakes anymore. Every day I go to work at some shitty fast food place and get reminded of how I have fallen.
Dear Celestia, how the mighty have fallen. The other day, as I was walking to work, I had a former fan stop me and ask me so many questions that I didn't want to hear, nor did I want to answer.
He was a scrawny little pegasus, solid white coat, bright brown eyes that were filled with ambition and determination, a messy brown mane. probably no older than Rarity's little sister.
Actually now that I sit and think about it, he does look familiar. Now that I think he about it, he may be related to that Roid Rage guy, I think it's funny. That little guy's wings were bigger than most of his body just about Poor Roid Rage, or Snowball, whatever the fuck his name is, got the wrong end of the deal if you ask me.
I looked at him, seeing that ambition and determination, and everything in my body wanted to punch him square in his jaw, but hell, it was my last day at work anyways. I put my two weeks in. Why not answer his questions.
One final interview for Vinyl Scratch. Well, me and the kid went to some little restaurant in town and sat down and I began to explain to him everything.
"Go ahead, ask away, kid.." I told him, as I sat down in front of him.
He looked at me and he knew that I wasn't all to happy to begin with, but proceeded to ask. "What happened to you?" He started off with. Wow! What a way to start an interview!
I gave a rather annoyed sigh but shrugged slightly. "To put it bluntly, I let the fame get to my head. I forgot who I was and where I came from. This Vinyl that you see before you isn't the same happy-go-lucky Vinyl that you remember from all those years ago when I first started." I stated, reaching over to my saddle bag and pulled out a flask.
He rose a brow to me and then at the flask. "W-well, what caused you to forget?"
"Money? Fame? Attention? Probably all the above. I was on top of the world and didn't care what happened to me. I was having the time of my life and wasn't scared of anything, or did I care about who I had to go through to get what I wanted. I had a lot of friends. I got anything I ever asked for. I could spend my money on whatever I wanted. At least up till the first drug charge." I said before taking a drink from the flask.
"Drug charges?" He asked.
I laughed at his ignorance to that. As if drugs were an unknown word to him. "Yes kid, drug charges. I had anything and everything you could have thought of. Wanted an 8ball? I had it. Want a few pills? Hell, why not, I had plenty to spare." I said, swishing around the contents in the flask, growing more annoyed by the second, just wanting this to be over.
He nodded softly and then proceeded to ask something that struck a nerve. "What happened to you and Octavia?" I froze up and couldn't speak for a couple of minutes.
"Is everything alright?" He asked, snapping me out of whatever I was thinking about at the time.
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine. Eh, kid. That's really not a subject that I would like to talk about." I told him, taking another swig from the flask.
"Well...why not?" He asked.
"Just don't feel like it." I stated, taking another drink, my patience quickly growing thin.
"Well, mom told me that, it's not every day that you get to see Vinyl Scratch, I just want some answe-" I ended up slamming my hoofs on the table, just wanting him to shut up.
"You want to know?! Fine! Because of my addiction, she fucking left me! I thought the drugs were more important than she was! Chance after chance that she gave me. She couldn't handle it anymore and she left! Because of my fucking stupidity, she left me!" I snapped at him.
"Because of me, we lost our adopted foal! Because of me, she was miserable!" I yelled out, tears running down my cheeks.
"I couldn't give up the drinking! I couldn't give up the drugs! I didn't care! I threw it all away just so I could get high! She was my best friend. She was my lover. She was my wife. She did everything she could to do help me and I ignored it. And she...she hates me for it." I said, my voice cracking more with each passing second.
"Now, do you see what happened? Do you see why the great DJ Pon-3 fell?" I asked him.
He froze up after I snapped at him. "I don't even have a bit to my name. I live in a one bedroom apartment that's covered with rats and roaches. The place is falling apart, but it's all I can afford. And before you ask, yes. I still get high every day that I can, but not to have fun, but it's to cover the pain in my heart. It's to numb each and every feeling that I have. I have stolen from pony's to get bits. I have attacked and robbed innocent ponies. I have even pulled a knife on somepony, just so that I can get high. I would much rather go hungry than to go sober, so that way, I can make it through the day without breaking down. It's been so long since I've actually felt happiness that it's not even funny. There isn't a day that goes by that I want to put a bullet through my head and just end it all." I said, crying into my hooves.
"My life has been circling the drain ever since I started. I didn't care at all. And when I lost it all, I was fighting anypony and everypony who crossed me the wrong way. I am tired, kid. I have given up on this miserable life. Hell, it would probably just be easier to tell you all the illegal shit that I haven't done!" I stated.
"I've gotten to the point to where if it came down to my high and some other pony's life. You're damn right that I wouldn't hesitate to take it." I said, looking down at the ground. "I have done so many things just for money. Things that the old me would never even consider. I whored myself out constantly to where it's a miracle that I've never gotten knocked up. Which, with all the shit that I've done, I probably couldn't even have a foal." I said, regret being the only thing in my voice that was heard.
I heard him rustle around in his saddle bag and the sound of a few bits hitting the table as well as something else in front of me before he got up to leave. I looked up at him and rose a brow at his gesture. "What is the for?" I asked him.
"Well, judging by the looks of you. You haven't eaten in a while, and if it would be any consolation, I believe that you would have been an amazing mother." He said before walking off.
I looked back down on the table to see a total of about eleven bits and some photo underneath the bits on the table before me. I didn't know what to do with it, but decided to take it anyways.
Then when I reached for the photo, I saw it. I can't believe it! It was me and Octi with a newborn foal in our care. Way before I started drinking. Way before the drugs. W-Was that kid the one we adopted?! I got up to look around and saw that he was already long gone.
That happened about three...no four days ago. Kind of hard to keep track when you haven't slept in so long. After I got back home, I had a note on my door from my job saying that I was fired for not showing up.
Heh, go figure. Oh well, no worries. Not like it makes a difference anyways since I was quitting there anyways.
Since I lost everything, different pony's tell me to buck up and that things will get better. Well, when they try losing millions, a happy home, and manage to turn it all into a broken dream.
To lose the one who actually gave you purpose. Then maybe, just maybe, they can understand the hell I'm going through.
I'm only wasting air at this point anyways. It's not like anypony cares or going to miss me anyways. Octavia's gone. All of my 'friends' left me when I lost everything. So yeah, nopony would really give a damn.
I look back over at the gun and for something so cold and hard. It looks so warm and inviting. As if it's calling me, beckoning me. I reach over and pick it up, a soft smile forming along my lips.
Click. Boom... that's all it would take. Though each and everytime I pick it up, something inside of me begs me to put it down and usually that something wins.
Not tonight, though. I've already put down enough pills to put down a whole herd of buffalo so if one thing fails, the other thing sure as hell will.
I look at it once more, the same smile forming along my lips. "Hello, my old friend." I say to myself as I reach over and pick it up once more. I light up another cigarette and gave a slight sigh of relief. "Well, I guess it's ladies and gentlecolts. Here's the curtain call on good ol' DJ Pon-3.
Click...
Boom...
...
...
...
"VINYL!!!"
