Guilt
“Thank you again for responding to our call so soon, Dragon Lord Ember,” Luna said, extending one of her wings to invite the blue dragoness inside the Castle of Friendship.
“It’s the least I could do after the urgent letter Twilight sent me.” Ember walked past the doors of the castle she had visited a few times in the past two years. “Speaking of which, where are Twilight and the Bearers?”
“They, Starlight Glimmer, and my sister are in the council room waiting for us as we speak.”
Ember nodded at Luna’s seemingly simple answer, but Luna’s frown and nervous undertone did not escape her. Still, Ember didn’t press the subject since everything would be answered soon. Inside of her hand was a small piece of parchment that she had received yesterday. It read:
“Ember, we need your help. We don’t know what’s wrong with Spike; he hasn’t come out of his room in two weeks and refuses to talk to anypony! Please, come as soon as you can, please!
~Twilight”
Narrowing her eyes, Ember closed her hand and gripped the piece of paper tightly. It wasn’t long until both alicorn and dragoness reached the council room. The eight mares in it, upon hearing the doors open, looked their way as they entered with a distraught look on their faces. Ember noticed that all of them had baggy eyes, messy manes, unkempt fur and, no doubt, sleep deprivation.
“Hello everyone.” She saluted politely. “I guess that by the look on your faces this problem is serious.”
“Darling, you have no idea,” Rarity sighed from her seat. “I don’t know what’s wrong with my poor Spikey-Wikey.”
“Dragon Lord Ember, thank you for your rapid assistance.” Celestia said, bowing her head. “I assure you; I will compensate you accordingly for your troubles.”
Ember raised her right hand and shook her head “Nonsense, Princess Celestia. Spike is my dear friend and the one who taught me friendship is possible even between dragons. What kind of friend would I be for expecting payment for helping him in his moment of need? Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem? Are his scales falling off? Is his tail showing signs of numbness? Or is his greed acting up again?” The mares didn’t answer and instead avoided her sight. It went on for almost twenty seconds until Twilight spoke up.
“We--we don’t know what’s wrong with him. He doesn’t let anyone enter his room, and when I tried to forced myself in he---he---Spike breathed fire at me.” Twilight let a few tears run down her cheeks. “He did the same with anypony else; he even attacked Princess Celestia...his own mother.
Ember was taken aback, and her mouth fell agape.
“That’s not the worst of it. He refuses to eat and spends most of his time mumbling to himself and crying and when we try to talk to him he shouts and roars at us,” Celestia added, wrapping a wing around Twilight.
Ember had to shift from Twilight back to Celestia several times before she could speak again. “How long has he been acting this way? Just the two weeks you mentioned or longer?”
“Spike shut himself in there two weeks ago, but he was acting mighty strange ever since…Ever since he was kidnapped by some changelings,” Applejack revealed with a heavy heart.
“W-What!? Why wasn’t I informed!? Did they hurt him!? When did this happen!?” Ember was burning with anger, but a quick glance around the table made her anger turn into worry.
“Two months ago Spike disappeared without a trace; we searched and searched for him for three entire weeks until Zecora said that she found a small changeling hive a kilometer or so down from her usual herb gathering spot. She infiltrated their hive and found Spike being spoon fed by a couple of changelings. She then returned to inform us, and we came rushing to his help but...” Pinkie Pie said as her straight mane covered half of her face. She trailed off, unable to continue.
“But when we arrived the changelings were dead. They were ripped to pieces or burnt to a crisp, and Spike was sitting staring at a green bonfire. When he saw us he...he stared at us without blinking for who knows how long, and then...he fainted.” Rainbow rested her head on the table and told her part of the story without even looking at Ember.
“What did those changelings do to Spike?” Ember asked with great concern and mixed anger.
“Nothing physically, but they had him trapped in some kind of illusion, and he snapped out of it on his own.” Fluttershy trembled shutting her eyes. “Spike never told us what they made him see, but ever since he recovered he began acting so...so…cold and distant and...and gloomy toward us. It wasn’t until Princess Celestia came for a visit that Spike shut himself inside his room.”
“And We believe he has not slept, for We cannot find him in the dream realm,” Luna spoke, walking to her sister’s free side. “Our nephew will not speak to us and shows violent outbursts if his personal lair is breached no matter who tries.”
“You’re our last hope of finding out what’s wrong with my little brother in a peaceful manner, Ember!” Twilight blurted out. “Help him, please!”
Ember took a glance around the nine mares staring at her with pleading eyes. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and then reopened them with a narrow expression.
“I can only promise to try, but you must promise to not interfere.”
The mares let out loud sighs of relief and hugged each other. Soon after, Ember was slowly lead in silence to Spike’s room. She didn’t need them to guide her since she already memorized most of the common castle rooms, but she didn’t have the heart to tell them to stay back. After a few turns across the hallways, they reached Spike’s closed room doors. Ember signaled the group to back away leaving her standing in front of Spike’s room.
Taking a deep breath, the dragoness stepped closer to the doors, knocked loudly and waited for a reply. “Spike?” Ember asked after not receiving answer from her little friend. She waited again; although this time she could hear something shift inside.
“E-Ember?” Spike asked in a confused tone, his voice sounding coarse, raspy, and trembling.
“Yes Spike. It’s me, Ember,” Ember answered waiting a few seconds for his reply.
“What are you doing here?” The sudden change in tone caused Ember to do a double take. His voice went from confused, whimpering, and sad, to extremely monotone and uncaring.
“Your family and friends asked me to try to speak with you. They’re scared because they aren’t able to help you with whatever you’re going through. They told me about the changelings, Spike. Please, tell me what did they do to you?” Ember replied pressing her forehead against the door. She waited for several seconds until she heard something shift again.
“...Go away.”
Ember frowned at Spike’s cold and emotionless tone.
“Spike, I want to help you.”
“Go away.”
“Spike, you’re starting to make me angry. Open the door right now.”
“Leave me alone, Ember.”
“Spike, as your Dragon Lord I command you to open this door right now!” Ember ordered, hitting the floor with her scepter.
“...Go away.”
Ember stared at the door for a moment or two before resting her scepter against the wall.
“Spike,” Ember called, her voice full of concern and care. “Please, open this door, and let me in. Not as your Dragon Lord but as your friend. I know you don’t want to talk to your pony friends and family for some reason, but I’m not a pony. Will it be so hard to talk to your dragoness friend?” Ember’s request went unanswered for several moments. “Am I not your friend, Spike? Is the friendship you showed me nothing but a lie? Because right now you’re showing me that dragons, in fact, don’t do friendship.”
It took almost an entire minute before there was a loud shift followed by the steps of Spike approaching to the door.
“Only Ember can enter,” Spike said suddenly before a click was heard, and the door parted a few inches.
Ember looked at the group standing a few meters back in the hallway. She nodded at them before opening the door. Once inside, she closed the door while she took notice of the puzzlingly well kept room. There was practically no light since the windows were boarded, not that it mattered with dragons having perfect night vision, but it would be troublesome for a pony on the other claw. There were a few charred marks here and there such as the remains of a pillow and two torn sheets lying on the ground. She also noticed several pony themed plushies and a handful of gems on a corner. Aside from that, everything else looked untouched.
She found Spike already back on his bed hugging a small pillow stained with his tears, saliva, and bite marks. Walking carefully to him, Ember sat at his side and patted his head with a tender touch. It was during her seventh pat, when she was tackled onto the bed by a purple and green projectile. Had it not been for the fact that Spike was hugging and holding onto her torso for dear life, she would’ve been impressed by his speed. Instead, she limited herself to hugging him back as best as she could and letting him pour out his grief onto her.
Time was lost to them as they hugged, and Spike cried. Eventually, Spike’s cries came to a halt, and he nuzzled her belly.
“Feeling better?” Ember asked, his answer was a weak nod. “Can you tell me what happened?” Spike remained motionless for an entire minute. “I want to help you, Spike. Let me help you.”
Spike nuzzled her belly again before sighing. “I--I did something horrible, Ember.”
“I know what you did to those changelings, Spike, but they kidnapped you. You were just defending yourself.” Spike hugged her tighter when she finished her sentence. It took them a few moments to break the silence. “It’s…That’s not all, is it?” Spike shook his head. “What did you do, Spike?”
Spike breathed in and out for several long moments, managing to cease his sniffing and whimpering.
“The changelings took me when I was running my usual errands. They dragged me to their hive, and then they put me inside a cocoon for an entire day. They…they--I could feel them inside my head, Ember. They saw everything.” He sniffed and nuzzled her. “And they used it against me. They put me under an illusion...I...it was…”
“It’s alright, Spike. I’m here for you.” Spike let out a heart-wrenching wail as his claws dug into her scales to the point that it hurt her, but she didn’t squirm or whimper. She had to hear him out no matter what.
“It was perfect!” Spike cried out in a pathetic manner. “It was everything I ever wanted.” Spike stopped whimpering and yowled for a few moments. Once he was calm enough, in part thanks to Ember’s caring pats and hugs, he was able to continue. “R-Rarity was my marefriend and...and Celestia was my mom and not just the ‘Princess’. Everypony treated me like an equal and not like a child or like an annoyance. The girls and I went together on their adventures and...and...and I helped around town and everypony was nice to me. Twilight didn’t leave me behind, and we talked like we used to, and Rainbow taught me how to fly and we hung out, and I h-helped Pinkie Pie p-plan her parties, and...and I helped Fluttershy g-g-grow out of her fe-fear of dragons, and I helped Applejack a-a-a-around her farm w-without, without screwing everything up,” Spike said sniffing as he talked. “It was...perfect.”
“But it wasn’t real,” Ember said hugging her friend close.
“I knew it wasn’t….and I broke out,” Spike whimpered. “The changelings...they didn’t attack me...they said that….that...that they could make it real. They said they nearly had all the love energy they needed thanks to me, but they still needed a bit more. They promised that if I helped them I could have it all but this time for real.” Spike looked up to Ember for the first time.
Ember gasped and went rigid when she saw the red worn-out eyes of her friend. She was about to say something, but Spike beat her to it.
“I almost said yes. I almost sold out my friends and my family, Ember. I….I almost betrayed them,” Spike returned to nuzzle her stomach as he went on. “I was being selfish and a jerk and...and I stabbed them in the back. I never would've even thought about their offer but it was so...so hard to not agree….and I almost did….” Spike sniveled. “B-but I didn’t be-because that would be fake, too.” Spike groaned. “I’m a monster.”
Ember embraced Spike as he began crying against her again. She couldn’t find the words to talk to him. She had dealt with bigger dragons going against her rule, political issues, trying to change and better her home and all the troubles that brought along. Yet none of that held a candle to what she had heard and seen here.
I have no idea what to do, Ember tightened her embrace over Spike while tears formed in her eyes. What could she say to him? She had never had to deal with the kind of pain Spike was going through. He was angry with himself, and he was depressed. And he felt guilty for what he almost did. What could she do to take his pain away or convince him to talk to his family and friends? How was she supposed to tell them what he told her without breaking his or their hearts further? With her mind completely devoid of thoughts or solutions, and her heart lost in her own clouded feelings, Ember let her body act on its own accord. Her tail curled, her wings draped over Spike, and she held him close to her heart.
Tears finally trailed down her scales when Spike started to cry out loud. His cries filled with grief, guilt, and hate. What she would do later didn’t matter. Her friend needed her right now.
End.
Author's Note
Special thanks to anyone that read this!
Special thanks to Trithtale for proofreading and editing and Semaj for proofreading and major editing. Go and give them love!
A/N: We need an Ember tag.
*This made it to the feature box? Thank you guys!*
Author's Note
This a rather unexpected Bonus Chapter written by Thisisalongname. I upload it as an extra chapter in this story with his permission. All props for this chapter go to him, so give him love if you like it!
Special thanks to anyone that read this!
Reflection
Ember continued to hold Spike, trying her best to comfort her friend. Her mind raced for something to say, some words that will let him know he wasn’t the monster that he thought he was. Her eyes widened as she remembered a talk she had with Twilight some time ago. Still holding the young drake, Ember spoke over her muffled sobs, “Spike, I think you’re brave.”
Spike quieted his crying slightly and pulled back from her chest. He looked up at her with confusion as he wiped his eyes free of tears.
Ember looked at his face, “The white unicorn, Rare-teeth, told me…”
“Rarity,” Spike corrected finally getting his face cleaned.
“Right, Rarity. She told me about what you did in the Crystal Empire. How they call you ‘Great and Honorable, Spike the Brave and Glorious’,” Ember held up her hands as if framing those words.
Spike continued to look confused, wondering why she was bringing that up.
“And I think they are right, I think you are brave and honorable.”
Spike looked down at his hands in his lap, “Maybe once, but after what I almost did, how ca....” He was stopped as Ember put a claw on his lips.
“Let me finish, then you can tell me what you think, OK?” Spike nodded his head and she removed her claw. “When you saved me from drowning during the Gauntlet of Fire, and when you stood up to dragons stronger and larger than you in order to get the scepter, I thought you were very brave.”
Ember took a breath as she thought out her next words, “I didn’t realize at the time how well that word describes you though. I talked with Twilight before you left, about how I didn’t understand how someone who wasn’t strong or big and who was obviously scared could be so brave.”
She looked down into Spike's eyes, “Do you know what she said?”
Listening intently, he shook his head. “She said that it’s precisely because you're small and not as strong that you are brave. That it’s easy to do the right thing when you’re not afraid. Bravery doesn’t come from not having fear but doing what needs to be done despite your fears. When she told me that I realized that you were the bravest dragon I had ever known.”
Spike’s eyes widened at the compliment and his cheeks slightly reddened. He opened his mouth to mumble some mix of ‘thanks’ and ‘I’m not that great’, but she continued before he could.
“I think being honorable works the same way. That just like you need to have fear to be brave, you need to have temptation to be honorable.” Ember waved her hand, gesturing around the room, “You hide from your friends because you were tempted and feel guilty that you considered taking an offer that would hurt them, but you’re ignoring the most important part: you turned it down.”
“But I still almost took it! I desperately wanted the world they were going to give me, so it doesn’t matter that I turned them down, because I still thought about accepting a lie over my real friends and family!” Spike frantically interrupted, before shrinking from Ember’s glare.
“I thought we agreed to let me finish,” Spike quickly nodded his head and apologized.
“Now then, that is why you can’t yet add wise to those list of titles. What you do is what matters most, not what you were tempted to do. Spike, I don’t think you are honorable because you never thought of doing something selfish or wrong, but because, even though you are tempted, you still do what’s right. You’re brave because you were scared but overcame your fear and acted anyway, in the same way, you are honorable because you were tempted yet turned it down to do what you knew to be right.”
Ember used a claw to raise Spike’s chins so he was looking into her eyes, “Spike, you were offered everything you could ever want, your heart's greatest desires, and all you had to do was say ‘yes’. But you didn’t, and instead acted in as selfless a manner that not just anydragon could by giving it all up because it would have been wrong. It would have been a great temptation for anydragon, including myself, and I can only hope that I would have had a noble enough soul to make the choice you did.” Spike’s eyes widened and his mouth hung open.
Ember looked at him with caring eyes and a large smile, “You are small, and get scared, and sometimes want to do things even if they would be the wrong thing to do. But you don’t, and that’s all that matters. To me, Spike, you really are ‘the Brave and Honorable’ and anydragon who says otherwise is gonna have to fight me.” She gave him a slight smirk and poked his chest with a claw, “Even if that dragon is yourself.”
Spike burst into a smile and a quick laugh before tackling into Ember. After recovering from almost falling over from the surprise hug, Ember brought her arms around and returned it. After a few minutes of them holding each other, with Spike shedding more tears though this time from relief, they broke apart.
Lifting Spike off her lap and pulling herself up, she looked down at her friend, “I won’t force you to, but I think you should tell your friends about what happened. Or at least Twilight, if you can’t tell the others.”
Spike reflected on her words for a moment, staring blankly ahead as he ruminated before turning into a determined stare. “You’re right, I should stop hiding this from those who care about me. I’m not lesser for wanting it even if I do feel like I am. Keeping it inside is like a poison and it’s best to let it out before it hurts me and my friends more,” the dragon sighed in defeat. “But it won’t be easy.”
Ember’s smile grew and she let out a small chuckle, “Maybe you will get that ‘wise’ title sooner rather than later.” They both laughed and the room felt much brighter and less constricting. Holding out her claw to the drake, “I’ll be there to lend support if you want.”
Spike took her claw in his and smiled back, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Nodding her head, Ember turned to leave when she felt Spike keep her from moving forward. She turned back in confusion.
“Thank you, Ember, for being a great friend,” Spike said with unwavering sincerity.
This time it was Ember’s cheeks that glowed red before she let out an awkward laugh to hide her embarrassment. She looked away as she spoke, “Well, like you ponies say, friendship beats magic.”
Spike let out a loud laugh, “Close enough, let’s get going before Twilight or my mom paces a groove into the floor.”
Both dragons left the room claw in claw, ready to keep moving forward and leave those doubts and worries behind.
