Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle.
Except I’m not really. Well, I mean, I am now but apparently beforehoof--hand, sorry, I was some human named Jerry Underhill. And yes, I am aware it’s a male name... not that I have any memories of Jerry Underhill’s life...
I’m sorry, that's a bit confusing. Let me start over.
I’m sure you’ve all heard of the Xanadu fiasco by now and--no? You don’t watch the news? Well, it’s a magical anomaly with actually quite a fascinating background and a number of amazing results that seem to confirm a basic flexibility in the universe's magiquantem structure--
All right, Rainbow, I’ll sum up! No I will NOT call you Jake, I never knew Jake! This is confusing enough as it is!
Long story short, the guy funding this costume convention had stumbled upon an ancient mask. When he put it on, a wave of magical energy transformed everyone in the convention into their costumes. Us six were in the hotel, so we didn’t immediately get involved in the chaos... but we knew something was wrong all right.
From my perspective I had just been talking to Pinkie about something, debating whether or not other worlds existed, when suddenly I found myself and my friends in a completely unfamiliar room. I could tell it was a hotel room of sorts, because, well, two beds, a door, and a visible bathroom. What else was I going to assume? Everypony glanced around for a few seconds. Then Rainbow Dash opened her mouth.
“Oooookay this is just crazy.”
I nodded in agreement. “Well, wherever we are, I’m certain that the locals are good ponies. They did set us up with a--”
“What do you mean Jerry? This is the Orlando Convention center!” Rainbow rolled her eyes at me, shaking her head as she tried to walk toward the door. I emphasize tried because she attempted to walk on her back hooves; it didn’t work out very well.
“Heeeeeey, how do you know that?” Pinkie asked suspiciously, leaning down. “That was supposed to be a surprise!”
“Can’t even walk...” The blue pegasus stood up on her four hooves and glared at the pink pony. “Look, being IC is all well and good but right now we have BIGGER PROBLEMS!”
Fluttershy nodded and opened her mouth. Then she crossed her eyes and opened her mouth again. From the way she was pawing at her throat, I gathered she couldn’t talk at all...
Of course I stepped over, quick as I could. “Don’t worry Fluttershy! I’m sure I can figure out some spell that can give you your voice back!”
“Fluttershy lost her voice?” Rarity stood dramatically. “Oh my. This.... is the WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!” A couch materialized from nowhere and she threw herself down, hoof against her forehead.
Rainbow and Fluttershy jumped into the air for some reason. “WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COUCH COME FROM?!” She pointed at me. “And, and, and why are you calling her Fluttershy?! This is Gracie, remember?!”
“RAINBOW JACK!” Applejack, who had been quiet the whole time, suddenly stood on top of one of the bed. “Ah don’t know what’s going on, but Ah reckon it hit Jerry a lot worse then it hit us. Ya’ll know Twilight was his favorite! Heck, Ah, well, Ah can’t decide if’n I’m AJ or Mark....” She rubbed her forehead, wincing. “Let’s jus all calm down.”
“What? I’m still Jack! I mean I’m in the body of the most kickass flyer in Equestria, but--” Rainbow’s eyes widened. “Oh no.”
“What?” Pinkie tilted her head.
“I.... am a girl.”
There was a quiet moment.
“....And?” I ventured.
Rainbow shot me an incredulous look. Then she held up a hoof. “You know what? Fine. At least I can fly now. AND I still remember who I actually AM unlike SOME PEOPLE I could mention.” She sat down angrily. “Friggen HiE fics, who the hell managed to--”
The door opened and something peered in. I mean, NOW I know it was a centaur, but at the time I was completely scared out of my head. “Hey! Do any of you guys know what’s happening?!” Behind him, a couch ambled past and muttered to itself.
“Well, no. I'm thinking it could be Discord....” I looked around, pointing at Rainbow. “I mean, she knows where this is for some reason--”
“HE has decided that HE is apparently Twilight now!” Rainbow shouted. “Full on, every single thing, just because he has a new body--”
“Actually, I’ve seen a lot of people completely lost,” the centaur interrupted. “Like, there’s a bunch of Supermen that actually think they’re Superman. Some of them still remember but--”
“Wait, wait.” I held up a hoof, processing his words. “What are you saying? I’m... not really Twilight Sparkle?”
“NO! YOU’RE JERRY UNDERHILL!” Rainbow threw up her forelegs. “AND I’M JACK THOMPSON! And Fluttershy is, is Gracie Rivers...”
I guess at this point I might as well admit I was crying. I didn’t realize it, since I wasn’t sobbing, but there were tears running down my cheeks. Rainbow stopped her tirade when she saw them; I think she was looking for a way to reconcile with me.
“Um, I’ll just go to the next room,” the centaur said, backing out.
"I... I'm not..." I looked at my hooves. Then I looked at each of my friends.
Fluttershy, who seemed shocked and disgusted for some reason. Applejack, who was apparently lost in thought. Rainbow Dash was giving me a sympathetic and unsure look, trying to figure out what to do. Rarity was standing up in melodramatic horror at the situation. And Pinkie, well, she had a book and was flipping through it, apparently checking up on something.
And to be honest, I couldn't take it. I bolted into the hallway, and down the stairs.
I was not prepared for what greeted my eyes. A scene of utter pandemonium, something I had only seen before when Discord was loose--sorry, a villain on the show, god of chaos and all that. And yeah, this was chaos. As I ran blindly around the convention, I saw a satyr grabbing a fox woman and trying to do unspeakable things; luckily some man in a red and gold suit of armor broke them up. I dodged a panicking elephant, heading deeper into the mess, where a bunch of girls in frilly skirts and leotards were shouting the names of planets. You have to remember, before today I had never seen a human, so I was really scared of this magical army. I wove away, running for some place else.... and that's when I ended up in the room with the Balrog.
Now, I don't know whether you think my memories are implanted or real. There's a lot of debate on that. But whatever they are, they provide a load of experience. I've fought and defeated two mad gods (with my friends' help of course). Add to that the Changeling army, a couple adult dragons, an Ursa Minor, a Hydra, Diamond Dogs, Parasprites, my brief stint as a superhero, a greed-grown dragon, Cerebus himself, and some teenage dragons... I'm no stranger to danger.
But the Balrog.... the Balrog was primal. The Balrog was hatred incarnate, fire contained in shadow shaped into something horrific even by the standards of men. It was huge. It held a whip of flame in one hand. And its eyes, small but filled with eons of experience, had just mine, large but panicked and utterly unprepared.
Author's Note
Old idea, dusting this off. If you're unfamiliar with the Xanadu setting... well, it's kind of crazy.
Hello, I’m--
Really? Even with the computers? Oh come on. Maybe I’ll get Jack to fix this after I finish typing it, I don’t like being this soft-spoken pegasus...
Right, sorry. Gracie Rivers. That’s my name, don’t wear it out. And yes, I am aware I look like Fluttershy. I just dressed up like this and headed to Xanadu because my boyfriend is... was a brony. Have I mentioned all bronies are creepy stalkers? I get that you want to hug me but I am NOT Fluttershy!
For one thing, I wouldn’t have any qualms about siccing my pet cougar on you. Isn’t that right Sandy, you’ll protect your momma oh yes you will--
I did not just write that.
Oh, you want me to talk about the convention. Let’s pick up where Twilight left off...
Well, to be honest I didn’t know what I was going to do. Twilight had just run into the hall, Pinkie was bouncing around saying WHAT A TWIST and stuff like that, and Jack was all ready to rush out after her; he managed to trip over his own hooves again.
“Oh my stars! Poor, poor Twilight!” Rarity moaned from the couch, her face buried in cushions. I instinctively went over to pat her shoulder comfortingly, glancing at the others. The unicorn emerged from the cushions, clearing her eyes of tears as she hugged me tightly. “Oh, most beloved Fluttershy, THANK YOU for being here. I, I don’t know what I’d do in this world if you were gone...”
Did I freak out? Hell yah. I totally freaked out. The fact that I couldn’t scream just made it scarier. Luckily, Applejack or Mark or whatever managed to interpret my struggles and jumped to my rescue.
“Hey thar, Rarity, Ah think she wants a little bit of space...”
“What? Oh my goodness!” Rarity dropped me, gasping profusely. “I’m so sorry darling, I forgot how sensitive you are--”
“Yeah, I get that a lot,” I muttered.
Then I blinked.
“I can talk? I can T--!” My voice disappeared again, and I glowered at the ceiling.
“Maybe you can only talk quietly,” Pinkie suggested. “I’m so so sorry girls, I got the wrong script! Don’t worry though, everything’s going to be a-okay.”
“Talk quietly,” I murmured. “Greeeeat.”
“At least you don’t have it as bad as Jerry,” Jack said morosely. “Whatever this is hit him more then us.” She gave me a sidelong glance. “By the way, are you still you?”
“Was I always Gracie Rivers?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I’m still me.” I flicked my wings, really feeling them for the first time. “Except I lost my hands. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go looking for that purple unicorn.”
“Ah’ll come with ya. Ah don’t know what’s going on, but somehow Ah think ya might need a little extra help.” Applejack held out a hoof, blocking Jack’s path. “Ya stay here and keep charge of these two.”
“But--” The blue pegasus sighed. “Fine! But you’d better bring her back in one piece!”
“Her?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Him! Whatever!”
“Come on sugarcube, don’t antagonize tha pony that can break tha sound barrier.”
The orange mare wrapped a hoof around my shoulders, quickly pulling me into the hall. We galloped the direction Twilight had headed, rushing down the stairs with wild abandon. Well, AJ rushed. I glided. Okay, so I wanted to know what it felt like. Give me a break. It wasn’t like we could find her in the chaos around the stairs.
“Ya’ll got any ideas?”
“I never even watched the show,” I deadpanned. “I just dressed up as a favor.”
“Huh. All right then!” AJ walked up to Darth Vader. “Hey! We’re looking for a purple unicorn, can ya’ll do some sort of force detection on her?”
I stared at her. Really? She expected a Sith Lord to just--?
“I did sense a strong presence in the force,” Vader replied. “Centered around a small animal. I was busy with my lightsaber.” He gestured toward a xenomorph, cut in half. I shuddered. “But I believe it went that way.”
“Thank ya kindly...” Applejack looked at the corpse. “Er. Are you sure--?”
“I asked it to stop beforehand,” Vader explaind. “It... didn’t reply... Completely lost.”
A scream interrupted our thought process, and we whirled to see a vampire assaulting... oh geeze. Wow. She must have come from the 18+ room. AJ jumped forward, engaging the vampire, and I discovered another affect of my new form. Namely? Fear. I ran like a little girl.
To my credit, I managed to stop myself in a room filled with Sailor Scouts. “What the hell was that? I just abandoned Mark...” I’d never abandon a friend, right? Well, I never had before. I looked at my hooves in some sort of existential horror. Had this transformation affected me? (yes.) Was I even Gracie anymore? (yes, kind of.) Was that Twilight running from a Balrog? (oh yeah.)
Well, I couldn’t fight a balrog. Not like I was. But, looking around, I saw an ankylosaur rushing around in blind panic, and I finally remembered the one good part of being Fluttershy. I flew over to the dinosaur and fixed him with THE STARE.
“You. Me. We save that unicorn. Don’t argue.”
The ankylosaur nodded, panic giving way to a more directed fear, and I swung behind his head. Twilight caught sight of me and managed to jump onto the back of the armored beasty; the three of us ran through a wall as the Balrog roared, singing our ride with his fire whip and causing a yelp of pain from him.
“Sorry!” That was as loud as I could go. “I’ll, um, patch it up later.”
“Oh Fluttershy, thank you! If you hadn’t--”
Twilight stopped herself when I fixed her with a glower. “Look. Fine. I get that you were more in character. I get that you don’t remember being Jerry. But I am not Fluttershy. I never even saw the show, I just dressed up to make my boyfriend happy, okay? Call me Gracie.”
“...okay.”
I sighed again, feeling the urge to comfort the poor pony, and helped her slide of the dinosaur. “This is a bit stressful for all of us, right? But from what I know, you’re the leader. And if you say you’re Twilight Sparkle...” I cringed. “...then you’re Twilight freaking Sparkle.”
“Thanks, Fl--Gracie.” Twilight looked at me with a teary grin. “That... really means a lot.” She tilted her head, as if working on a problem. “And hey, you can talk?”
“Not too loud. If I try to talk too loud, I can’t.” I shrugged. “Must be how I was playing the character. Now come on, fearless leader, we’ve got to regroup.”
Author's Note
Yep. Darth Vader.
