When Candy Goes to Court

by LordMentat

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Pinkie Pie, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1662

They are chocolate. They are colorful. And they are taking a pony to court.

Look at a M&M and what do you see. Multiple colors. Round-ish shapes. Big M stamped on the front. No one ever thinks about the interesting things.

Like what if they could talk.
Like what if they where intelligent.
Like what if they could take you to court on criminal charges.

----

Pitcure and the M&M brand belongs to Mars, Incorporated
MLP belongs to Hasbro
All final rights are reserved to them. This is a fan fiction.

Published 2016-05-13 00:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-13 00:10:01 UTC

Opening Statements

One would never see the land that is Equestria and suspect that it was boring. With its multitude of monster attacks and villains of the week, one would think something was always happening and something big was going on without pause. Or at least that is what Princess Celestia wished for at the moment.

She loved the little ponies that she has ruled over all the years with her sister. But every so often, even the love she had for her subjects is stretched thin by long days of paperwork, bureaucratic staleness, and the seemingly never ending ‘request’ from the Canterlot nobles that would not take a hint that no matter how much they think that the tax rate on their tea is too high, that raising taxes on the non-nobles of her kingdom to lower tea taxes would be generally received as a bad idea.

The only thing of interest that broke up the monotony of the everyday was letters from her current student Twilight Sparkle. Her last letter talked about some strange visitor that Twilight’s friend Pinkie Pie was expecting to visit. Her letter did not go into detail about the specifics about the visitor, but Twilight promised a follow up letter soon about them. That was 3 days ago.

Celestia, believing all was in order, continued to sit on her throne and listen to the noble before her while wishing for something to happen to spice up the day.

As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.

“Your highness?”

A unicorn guard moved toward the throne, attempting to gain his princess attention. Celestia, seeing a way out of the boredom that was the currently ranting Lord Paper Weight at the state of the office supply industry, she jumped at the chance to something different.

“One moment Lord Weight. Yes guard?”

“Your highness, there is a…..um delegation here to see you.”

“Delegation? Is it the griffins again? I told them already that they may not have the mining rights to the northern mountain range.”

The guard starts squirming and fidgeting in place.

“No your highness.”

“The Minotaurs?”

“No your highness.”

“The Diamond Dogs? The Dragons? Those strange ponies that want bits for BigHoof hunting again?”

“No again your highness.”

Puzzled, Celestia pondered whom else it may have been, but judging that there was a faster way to find out, she continued.

“Then who?” she asked.

“Um…” the guard answered, clearly uncertain of what to say.

Sigh “Let them in then.”

Jumping at the chance to leave Celestia’s presence, the nervous guard went to the double doors that mark the entrance to the throne room. Opening the doors with his magic, the guard turned to face Celestia and announced the delegate.

“Presenting Ms. Brown!”

Walking into the court, was a being that Celestia, in her long and many years, has never seen before. The being, as if her name was anything to judge by, was an oddly shaped creature. She was a bipedal, being similar to the minotaurs, yet at the same time very different. She was about the size of an average pony. Walked on two short legs ending in white shoes and had two arms with hands covered gloves, but that was not the odd thing about her.

The rest of her seemed to be a body shaped like a nearly flattened sphere. No neck, head, or recognizable upper body structure. Her eyes, oddly, had black irises and white pupils. She was a sort of brown color that, when thought about, reminds a pony of chocolate. And for some reason, she had a lower case M on her chest(?). She also wore a pair of glasses. She carried alongside her a small black business briefcase.

Ms.Brown approached the throne that Celestia sat upon, bowed, and began to speak.

“Princess Celestia I presume?”

Feeling relieved that something new has happened she responded, “Yes. Can I help you?”

Opening her briefcase and removing a stack of documents, Ms.Brown held them out for a nearby orderly to transfer to Celestia. Once done, Celestia began to read the papers and see what all the hub-bub was about. As she read, Celestia’s eyes slowly began to turn into pin-pricks and she started to snort with agitation at what she was reading.

Looking over the papers at Ms.Brown, Celestia asked “Are these papers real? Please tell me that this is a joke of some sort.”

“No your highness,” Ms.Brown said,”You are hereby summoned to Ponyville court to bear witness and cast judgement to the crimes against my client Mr.Peanut and the prosecution of the pony named Pinkie Pie. By the laws you yourself set down in the special cases concerning non-ponies, you are to attend the court proceedings in the case of Peanut vs. Pie. You have now been made aware and summoned your highness. See you in court, your eminence.” Turning around, Ms.Brown preseded to walk out of the throne room and leave.

“Wait,” spoke Celestia, “If this is true, then why have I not heard from my student Twilight Sparkle by now about this? Or any news from ponyville about this?”

Ms.Brown turned and faced Celestia once more and spoke.

“Ms.Sparkle has taken the case of acting as the legal adviser and attorney for Ms.Pie and has been barred from contacting you by any means. As to why, it is to ensure that a pretrial bias will not be shared with the judge and to limit any personal contact that would unfairly balance the trial.”

“As for any word or news leaving Ponyville, word of a trial against an Element of Harmony has not been revealed to the public 'till I believe an hour ago.”

“Your highness.” Ms.Brown bowed once more, turned again, then walked out of the room.

Silence reigned for a time the the throne room. Nary a breath was heard or a hoof shuffled.

To say Ponyville was a quite and nice place would not be out of bounds on a normal day. But today was a special day in the small town. When news was released that an Element of Harmony was going to trial for crimes against a strange visitor from another land, a tide of reporters, camera ponies, and crackpot conspiracy magazine writers flooded the town looking for news about the case.

The one place they all wanted to be, despite the wailing and gnashing of teeth, was inside the courtroom during the proceedings. But Royal decree had barred all press from the room.

The Noon-bell tolls on the courthouse bell tower.

“All Rise for her excellence, Princess Celestia,” the bailiff yelled.

The courtroom filled to the brim with ponies who came to observe the trial stood, causing a overbearing noise as everyone shuffled to stand. From behind the judge's chair a door open and from it emerged Princess Celestia. Taking a seat, she nodded at the bailiff to continue.

“Please be seated,” he said.

Celestia observed the courtroom, taking in everypony and everyone in the room. At the prosecution table was Ms.Brown again, along with another being. This one, instead of brown, was blue, and shaped more like an egg. The documents on the judge's desk before Celestia said that the being's name was Mr.Blue and was going to work alongside Ms.Brown for this case.

Turning her head she looked over at the defence table and saw her student. Were Twilight would normally be fidgeting with nervousness over something as important as this case, she instead sat with a composed demeanor and sorted and organized her table. She’s grown so much, Celestia mused, proud that her student was standing up like this for her friend.

After a quick turn of her head to check the jury box of 10 ponies was filled and in order, she cleared her throat and began. “Bring forth the accused,” she commanded. A side door to the room opened and the sound of chains could be heard. Escorted by two guards in their golden armor, Pinkie Pie emerged from the holding room.

She was a sad sight to Celestia. Bloodshot eyes and limp hair, Celestia had rarely seen the hyperactive pony in such a state. Chains could be seen clamped onto her legs to slow her down.

She shuffled slowly forward to and behind the defendant desk to join Twilight and sat down.

Clearing her throat once more, Celestia began.

“Pinkamena Diane Pie. You are hereby charged with 1 case of foalnapping, 1 case of assault, and 1 case of attempted murder. How do you plea?”

Tears formed on Pinkie's eyes while Twilight stood up.

“Not guilty your honor,” said Twilight.

Celestia looked over to Ms.Brown and called her to come forth. Standing, Ms.Brown moved and stood before the jury and the filled courtroom and spoke.

“Ladies and gentleponies, my client Mr.Peanut, is not a special person. He lived an average day. Worked a job he loved. Paid his bills on time. He was even known to break down on rare days and play some music for his friends. All until one day, without warning or consent, he was dragged from his workplace, and brought to a land not his own.”

She paused for effect, letting her words sink into the crowd.

“Ms.Pie here,” she pointed at Pinkie as she spoke, “with malicious intent brought my client here to Equestria, and once he was here, attacked my client with intent to commit a grievous crime.”

Pausing once more, she turned and looked at the jury.

“She intended to eat my client.”

Author's Note

Awake at 3am, Judge Judy and L&O reruns on tv, and M&M munchies made me want to write a thing. Or try to anyways. Let me know if I mangled the grammar somewhere if you see it. Thanks for reading.

Edit: On hiatus till I get and idea of what the heck to do for chapter 2. Early morning story taught me to stick with one chapter oneshots.