Friday the thirteenth.

by That_Delusional_Pegasus

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Dark
Length: 904

Everypony seems to like going by themselves to random places. And always on a certain unlucky Friday...

Everypony seems to enjoy going places by themselves, and always seem to go by themselves. Nopony seems to notice that they, by chance, go on [size=2em]FRIDAY THE 13th.[/size]

But do we really care? Not really, because it's entertainment.

Thanks to Jessrillaz for cover art.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-14 04:10:01 UTC

Twilight outsmarts Jason.

"I love the smell of Poison Joke in the morning!"

Twilight Sparkle hovered between the trees in the everfree forest, enjoying the dark, creepy, ambience that means something will jump out at her eventually. She was floating over the poison joke, as she didn't want to have to experience what happened last time. She shuddered.

She came across a pond, with cute purple pieces of seaweed swimming around, and fish swaying back and forth on the bottom of the pond. One of the seaweed jumped out of the water, and squeaked, before diving back in. Twilight caught one with her magic, and planned to take it back to the castle for dissection. "The Everfree Forest never ceases to amaze!"

She walked around the pond, and noticed an odd shape hiding in the bushes.

"Hello? Who is that?"

The bushes rustled, and two eyes blinked.

"Really, if you can't just step out of behind the bushes, then, oh. I understand. Sorry I bothered you. Tell me when you finish."

The bushes rustled, and a whoosh presented a machete stabbed clean through the lavender pony's stomach. A few drops of blood splattered out onto the ground, and the adventurer fell down.

"Okay, that was... Odd..."

A faint trace of magic was shown on the horn of the princess, and a scroll appeared in front of her. A faint chant could be heard, and suddenly...

"Okay then! Now I know you have a machete. Do you like how I used that spell to reverse exactly what that machete did?"

"That's wierd. Usually they fall to the ground and scream, then I walk up and snap their neck."

Twilight Sparkle had had enough. She lifted the creature out from behind the bushes, revealing a male grey-blue pony with a hockey mask and a leather jacket. "Aren't you that guy from that horror movie? Jonas, right?"

"It's Jason, and yes. Can I have my machete back now?"

The machete was returned to its owner, who charged Twilight. She stood completely still, and right as the machete hit the tip of her horn, a flare of ice entrapped the murderer.

"Can you not try to kill me? I'm trying to go on an adventure."

"Hnn lnm inn hgg nuf snne"

"Oh, right." Twilight backed away, and unfroze Jason's muzzle.

"I said: Isn't almost getting killed an adventure?"

"You already killed me once." Twilight gestured towards the seamless spot where, just a few moments ago, a machete had impaled one lung, her heart, and broken 2 ribs. "Well, an adventure doesn't usually last 30 seconds. How about a video-game type fight? With turns?"

"Whatever. Sure. Can you stop trying to freeze me to death?"

"Okay then. One rule, you have to answer a question to take a turn."

"UGH. You're picky, but at least I get to kill someone in the end."

Twilight grinned and unfroze Jason.

"What's the square root of 9?"

"I skipped math in school. In fact, I skipped all my classes."

"Incorrect. My turn!"

Jason became dizzy as his sight zoomed and shrank in sync with extremely loud dubstep.

"Now, what's 3 squared?"

"I told you I skipped math."

"What was the number in the last question?"

"Square root?"

"Oh my god, I knew I could beat you, but I didn't think It'd be this easy. HEY, PON3, CMON!" Twilight had summoned the ultimate dubstep pony, who had become a blue meteor as she crashed to the ground.

"Now, Sparky, why did you need me?"

"Your bass cannon."

"I expected that when I was summoned. It's right here."

"Meet Jason. He's trying to kill me with a machete."

"Hi Jason! How are you?"

"Okay."

"Have a taste of my bass cannon!"

A loud humming noise began to fill the area.

"Did you mean Bass, as in the fish? I could really go for some fi-" Jason had no time to finish his sentence, as a blue lazer made of dubstep tore through the forest, throwing Jason along through the blast.

"Thanks, Vinyl. Did you charge the batteries before you got here?"

"Yep"

"Well, that was pretty sharp!"

"I'm proud. Bye now!"

The dubstep pon3 angled her bass cannon towards the ground, and pressed the fire button. "Spark, wanna lift?"

"Sure, why not."

Twilight Sparkle hopped on to the bass cannon as it blasted the two of them back to ponyville, leaving Jason dizzy on the ground. As he stopped falling over, he looked around for his machete.

A searing pain went shooting through Jason's back, and when he turned to look, he saw his machete. Stabbed through his back. "Found it."

A curious DJ watched the machete land, and grinned. "Was that what you meant when you said 'Sharp!'?"

"Sure, let's go with that."

The bass cannon crashed into the grass near ponyville, and Twilight hopped off. Pinkie Pie was there to greet her.

"What did you find? Was it cool? Did you meet someone? Why is Vinyl Scratch with you? Want a cupcake? Interesting thing about the cupcakes, I was going to bake them at Applejack's house, because the oven at Sugarcube Corner isn't working, but that crash insta-baked them! Thanks so much! Who stabbed you?"

"How do you know I had been stabbed?"

"Pinkie Sense!" A cupcake was shoved into The Princess' mouth.

"Thnaks"

"Enjoy!"

Vinyl began to clean up the crash site as Tsilight returned home to dissect some seaweed.