The Great Infidel Slaughter

by ZyklonBen

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Romance, Comedy
Length: 1549

Ahmed Al-Muhammed had a pretty normal life. Wake up, eat breakfast, slaughter infidels, and sleep. But when he's transported to a strange new place, he must learn the power of friendship!

Ahmed Al-Muhammed's job was perfect. Every day he'd wake up, eat a nice breakfast, slaughter the infidels, and go to sleep. One day, though, something strange happened. Watch as this man struggles to cope with the reality of being in another plane of existence altogether.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-13 22:51:32 UTC

Infidels

Ahmed Al-Muhammad was ready for his journey to meet Allah in paradise. As a top recruit for ISIS, Ahmed was always ready to die for the jihad, and his superiors knew it. Ahmed and six of his comrades had hijacked a Lufthansa Airbus A380, and they intended to crash the plane with o survivors in the heart of Paris, hopefully destroying the Arc de Triomphe and killing hundreds if not thousands, onboard the aircraft and on the ground. As Ahmed carefully piloted the A380 towards France, he realised they were being tailed by French Air Force Rafael D multirole fighters, demanding over the radio that he land in the Airport in Lyon. Ahed complied, landing in Lyon, only to attempt to take off again just as the fighters landed as well. He Knew the GIGN would raid the aircraft, just as they had in the 1994 hijackings. He felt a massive shake in the aircraft as he reached 200m altitude, and blacked out.

When young Ahmed came to, he noticed that he was still in the aircraft, but that everything looked slightly...off. He couldn’t place his finger on it, but Ahmed knew that the A380, and himself didn’t look this cartoony. Looking out the cockpit window, he noticed that there were large grassy plains, a forest in the distance, and a small town directly in front of him. To the left, there was a mountain with what looked like a castle on it. Ahmed cried with joy. He thought that he had finally done it, he had reached paradise. He could meet Allah and speak with the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon his name). Ahmed ran into the back to meet his fellow jihadists, but he was grief stricken to see that it was only him on the plane after searching the whole thing.

“أحمد ! محمد ! أين أنت كل شيء؟” Ahmed cried out, desperate that his friends were not filthy kaffirs sent to rot in hell along with the jews. Unfortunately, it looked like that was the case at the time. Ahmed got on his knees and prayed towards the castle, asking for Allah’s forgiveness. He then exited the plane, eager for his 72 virgins. Ahmed was disappointed when all he found was a large field with absolutely nothing in it. Ahmed, after squatting down and think for a minute, decided to head towards the town he saw, hopeful that we would meet other souls faithful to Islam. About halfway on his trek he was stopped in his tracks by a couple technicolour horses staring him down. While a few seemed confused, others looked scared by Ahmed’s presence.

Ahmed was closer to the latter portion of the group, as he was absolutely horrified by these horses, thinking that they were something sent directly from hell to make him pay for the sin of siding with infidels in the jihad. He fell to the ground, and felt that it was simple grass and stone. Now realising that he was in neither paradise nor hell, he was in somewhere else. Nothing in hell would look or feel this nice, and nothing in Paradise would look like such an abomination that the horses in front of him did. The purple horse, now revealing herself to not only have wings, but a unicorn horn as well, attempted to speak with Ahmed.

“Hello there, my name is Twilight Sparkle. Can you speak?”

Ahmed, not speaking whatever language that was, probably English, could only manage to respond with "قل لي ، ما أنت؟ هل تم إرسالها هنا من قبل الله ؟ ". Now Twilight, while getting an answer to her question, now just had a million more. What sort of language was that? What did he say? Why was he here? After asking him these questions, Ahmed replied,

" أستطيع الآن أن نرى أن كنت امرأة . ماذا تفعلون من البرقع الخاص بك، فإنك لعنة عاهرة ؟ "

Twilight had no idea how to respond. She talked it out with her friends, and decided that it would be best to take this strange creature (which resembled those on her escapade in that “high school”, but this time the creature was darker and smellier) to the princess to see what she could make of it. Twilight knew that the princess would be able to understand the jibber-jabber spewing from this guy’s unbrushed mouth.

"أطالب لرؤية زوجك ، يمكنك ستة ! "

Ahmed rambled things like that for a while. He was amazed that these whores were allowed to walk around the town. Stupid whores. He followed the after the blue one made what looked like a beckoning motion, and next thing he knew he was on a train. He had no idea where he was going and the next stop letters were completely unrecognisable.About an hour into the journey, Ahmed got slightly bored, so he got blankets from around his train car and then entered the car that the horses were in. Ahmed forced them into the blankets in the style of a hijab to at least sort of cover them up, he didn’t want to be tempted. Alas, it was too late. Ahmed immediately began to rape the one closest to him, which judging by the cries made by her friends, was named “Stopwhatare Yu-Doing”. Maybe he was somewhere in China. AHmed finished up and sat down without really showing any emotion to the horrific act he just committed. The white one, in reality named Rarity, began to quietly sob in the corner while her fellow wives comforted her. Ahmed wasn’t about to have any of that, so he forcibly separated all of the horses into different train cars, and screamed " إذا قمت بنقل لن أتردد لقتل لكم جميعا مع بلدي كلاشينكوف ".

When the train ride stopped, he noticed that everything looked distinctly European. Some with the horses. It all screamed west and infidelity. Ahmed didn’t like this one but, some he began shooting into the crowds of people, unleashing 9 rounds of ammo into the crowd from his poorly aimed AK-47 he stole from a compound in Iraq. While he only killed 4 and injured 10, he had caused a large enough panic that cleared out the area and isolated people into one area of the city to defend themselves. Ahmed re-boarded the train, and held all ponies on it hostage while demanding that the conductor take them back to their origin in what he assumed was called Ponyville by what the horses called it. Ahmed killed his hostages (except for the orange one, who he knocked out and took hostage)  and then made a sprint for the A380 while screaming"الله أكبر!"

Ahmed boarded the aircraft and set up a camera that he just remembered he had. As the horse regained consciousness, she realised that she was tied up, saw Ahmed had a knife, and that he was speaking to the camera. She couldn’t understand a word he said, but she knew one thing, it ended with a sharp pain in the neck, and then darkness. Ahmed got the tape, edited it someone's laptop he found, and threw the tape out into the grass, far away from the plane.

Ahmed knew what he had to do next. To be at peace with Allah he had to die, for the jihad. Ahmed revved up the A380, and flew directly towards the mountain with the castle and city. Ahmed said his final words, and plunged into the castle, noticing the look of three terrified horses, a white one, a blue, and a pink, looking at the plane as it rammed into the castle at 700 km/h, killing 2,435 and injuring 3,221.

Weeks later, transcripts from the black box of the A380 were discovered, as well as Ahmed’s tape. The disgusted and horrified the current leaders beyond belief

Black Box transcript::"الله أكبر ! الله أكبر ! رحلتي إلى الجنة كاملة تقريبا! أنا قريبا ليكون مع النبي محمد ، صلى الله عليه و باسمه ! الله أكبر ! وبالنسبة لل جهاد ! لمجد الخلافة ! الله! الله عظيم!"

Video description:An ISIS flag is waving in the corner. A man in a mask walks into frame, next to a sleeping applejack. He gets out a knife which he points at the camera, and begins to speak. Applejack wakes up about halfway through. " مرحبا ! نحن الدولة الإسلامية في العراق والشام . بلد فظيعة لديك يجب أن تدفع لل خيانة ، يجب عليك دفع ثمن الانحطاط الخاص بك! سوف تدفع هذا الثمن في الدم ، بدءا من صديق البرتقال لدينا هنا ، وهو غرب مجموعه عاهرة الذي يستحق أن أبيد ! وقالت انها سوف تكون تحت رحمة من الله ، ونأمل أن يحرق لألف سنة . لا إله إلا الله ! الله أكبر !

The man then brutally beheads applejack, killing her in two hits to the neck and completely decapitating her in five. Applejack’s head is show to the camera, which fades to the ISIS flag before a song begins to play, which is in the same strange language.

May the souls lost on that dreadful day in Equestria forever rest in great and everlasting peace. We will never know the evil that caused this nor if it will happen again, but we can make sure that those lost are never, ever forgotten.