An Equestrian Adventure
An Equestrian Adventure
Load Full Story* An Equestrian Adventure *
Written by Element0fKindness
Wow. I can’t believe it’s been over six months since I’ve come to Ponyville. Heck, I’ve been in Equestria for nearly a year! It just feels like a few weeks. So much has happened. I suppose I should introduce myself and explain. My name is Rod, though nearly everypony calls me Earthy Mane. Something Pinkie Pie came up with as a play on earthling man. I found it annoying at first, but seeing how it made Pinkie light up with her silly word play, I just went with it, and I don’t even give it a second thought these days. So, I’m sure the question at the front of your mind is, how the hay did I end up here? While the result is spectacular, it’s not an overly spectacular tale of how it happened, but I suppose I should tell you or it will constantly plague your thoughts.
It was a day like any other. The monotony of life that is the human plane of existence. I had just finished my shift at work, and was heading home when a change from the usual unfolded before me. A woman was being assaulted by a mugger, just a few yards from where I stopped in my tracks by the commotion. For a moment, a split second, I thought about turning away and continuing on a different path. Then something in me just said, no, I must do . . . something. I wasn’t really concerned about my own safety. You see, I’ve dealt with depression for years, and contemplated suicide on many occasions. If I were to die while trying to do good, I imagine that is far better than dying without cause or a burden to others.I quickly approached and hollered, “Hey, leave her alone!”I was about to grab the mugger by the shoulder, and before I could even comprehend the event, the mugger swung around with a large knife, my instinct to shield myself with my forearm, and the knife slashed deeply through my light jacket and into my arm. A few other people came running in and the mugger bolted off, gaining nothing for his troubles. The woman, I’d guess in her 60’s or early 70’s was thanking me, though, the fight she was putting up, she probably didn’t need my help. The others who came were focused on the old woman, and didn’t realize I had been harmed. Truth be told, I wasn’t losing a whole lot of blood just by the way the cut occurred, but some damage was clearly done, especially to a few tendons, noted by the inability to extend a few fingers. After the dust settled and the others moved on, I asked the woman if she needed anything. She replied that I have already done far more than she would have expected from anyone, but did ask if I wouldn’t mind, to walk with her until reaching her apartment. We chatted about this and that on the way, though my mind was focused more on my injured arm. I kept it hidden from her. I didn’t want to worry her with anything else. We finally reached her apartment after almost a half hour of walking, and she insisted on a quick hug as a thank you. However, when I obliged, she noticed the cut and blood stained coat.“You’re hurt!” she said.“I’m OK. I’ll go to the hospital from here.” I replied.“You foolish boy. Why didn’t you say something?” she quickly countered.I didn’t really want to tell her, but conceded, “I – I just didn’t want you to feel responsible or something. You’ve been through enough.”She caught me completely off guard when she began to laugh. Not just a little tee-hee laugh, but one of those bust-a-gut laughs. Dumbfounded, I just said, “Uhhh?”Catching her breath, “Boy, you need not worry about me so much. I’ve seen plenty in my years, let me assure you of that. Now come on in so we can get you fixed up.”Fixed up? What did she think she could do for my slashed arm? It needs surgery, not a splash of hydrogen peroxide and a Band-Aid. “Thanks,” I replied, “but I better let the hospital take care of it.”With a dismissive wave, “Pftt. The hospital? Please. You don’t want those bunch of butchers making a mess of you. Besides, you have any idea what that costs?”I did. My deductible is sky high just to keep my health insurance reasonable. I thought for a moment, then asked, “You really think you can do something? It’s pretty bad.”Again with a dismissive wave, “I have no doubt boy, and look at it this way, if I can’t, you can still go to the hospital. I’ll even pay for a cab.”Mentally grinding my options, it didn’t take me long to come to the decision to accept her offer. “OK, let’s see what you got.”“That-a-boy! Now we’re talking.” she said with a glint of cheerfulness, and we headed into the apartment building.
Opening the door, I was surprised at the sight. It was almost like jumping into a movie set. The entire place had the air of some voodoo witch doctor’s hut. I admit, in the ho-hum normalcy of everyday life, her place was an interesting change. You would never guess by her appearance that this would be her home.“Ehhhhh, where did you say you were from again?” I asked.“I never said, though, I lived a great deal of my life deep in the Louisiana bayou.” she pointedly responded.Concerned I may have prodded too far and offended her, I quickly looked for a way to change the subject. “Wow! You have so many different things. I haven’t heard of most the names written on these jars.”With a muffled chuckle, “Yes, it’s quite a task trying to keep stock of my herbs and minerals. Here, drink this. It will numb the pain.”“Ehhhh,” I began, “I don’t use drugs.”“It’s not drugs. It’s a natural pain reliever” she quipped.“Heh, yea. I’ve heard pot smokers say the exact same thing” I countered.She was about to start with another dismissive wave, when she noticed my raised eyebrow of expectance, “Just trust me. It will dull the pain with no side effects.”I finally relented, imagining myself probably about to be knocked out and have my organs harvested in the next few moments. I drank the almost minty tasting beverage she offered, and surprisingly, I remained conscious! In fact, only several minutes passed and I could already notice pain easing off. She returned with a moistened towel dampened with a smell of something I couldn’t identify, or even describe for that matter.“Now, put this over the cut and apply light pressure” she instructed while gesturing with her hands. No reason for me not to do so, considering the help she has already supplied, I did as instructed. “Good! That will do the trick” she winked. Not sure what that exactly meant, I just let it be. She continued, “So, you haven’t told me your name yet.”“Oh uh, sorry, it’s Rod” I stammered to respond.With a bit of a bow, she said, “Well, it certainly is a pleasure to meet you Rod. My name is Abigail.”I left out a muffled snort and quipped, “I thought for sure you were going to say Zercora.”“Who?” she inquisitively asked.“Oh, nobody. Just a character in a show who leads a similar existence to yours.” I vaguely described.With an increasing curiosity, Abigail pressed, “What show is that? I’d like to see their portrayal.”Great. I opened a can of worms I normally keep tightly closed. In fact, nobody who knows me, knows the brony side of me. “Umm, just a cartoon actually. Nothing you’d be interested in” I countered hoping to diffuse the interest.“Well, what’s it called? Abigail pressured.“My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” I muttered out hoping she’d just politely let it pass.“Pardon. What was that?” unrelenting in her inquiry.“My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” I mumbled even more incoherently.“I didn’t get that. You feeling OK?” getting closer to me in concern.I sighed in defeat, and blurted out, “It’s called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and it’s about a bunch of multicolored talking horses and their adventures in a magical land, and they like to sing a lot too.”There was a moment of silence and the impending expected reaction of Abigail wishing to distance herself from this guy who watches a little girl’s cartoon. But surprisingly, she says, “And you like this show?”“Yes. Well, more than like. I love the show. So much diversity. Different things always happening. The uncertainty. Breaking from the everyday doldrums of life. A positive message. And I somehow connect with the characters. I feel more emotion watching the show, than I ever do in real life. If there was a way to reach that reality, I’d take the opportunity in a heartbeat.” I stopped with a flash of surprise at myself. I just completely let out everything I’ve ever felt about being a brony, which I’ve kept tightly hidden away from anyone who knows me firsthand. Abigail’s eyes had slightly widened. Have I just totally freaked her out? Why did I just say all that? A simple yes would have sufficed.She began, “Well then,” her eyes going back to their previous appearance, “that sounds like something you should be watching. You see, you’re only here for a short time. You should follow your heart when you can. Don’t let other’s affect what you love.”Well great. Now she’s got that lump to form in my throat, and apparently I’m allergic to something in her apartment causing my eye to water a little. “Thank you Abigail. I don’t think most would agree with you, but I greatly appreciate your sentiment” I choked out with a quivering smile.Before things got any more personal, I thought it time to start working on leaving to take care of my arm. “Thanks for everything Abigail. The pain is completely gone and I feel fine, but I best get over to the hospital and have them sew me back together” I said with an uplifted tone.Abigail was casting a look of faux confusion and asked, “Whatever for? You don’t need to go there.”Genuinely confused, I said, “Uh, yes I do. I can’t even move my fing . . . “ now noticing when I tried moving them, they did!!! “What in the world?!”“Perhaps you can take that towel off now” she said with a tone of confidence.“W – Wha . . . What the hell!!!” I exclaimed rather loudly at the sight of no wound.“Hey, watch the language. You’re not too old to be put over a knee” she said, despite fully expecting my reaction.“S – sorry, but wh . . ho . . . wholly shi . . . . . . How is this even possible?!?Abigail left out another one of those booming bust-a-gut laughs, “Pft, that’s nothing. You want to see something impressive, stick around when someone wants me to resurrect a dead relative!”My eyes must have gone huge and mouth hung open as if waiting for a moth to come by, “Y – you can do that?!”Her laughing continued, “No, but it was worth seeing your reaction!” I let out a huge breath of air that I must have been holding in since seeing my fingers move. She continued, “But there are many things I can do. You’ve done a wonderful thing for me today, and never asked for anything in return. Thank you for your kindness. It is so rare to see it anymore in today’s society. I want to repay the act.”“No, not necessary. The simple fact you’re happy is payment enough. Heck,” holding my arm and moving my fingers, “it’s even like it never happened” I quickly countered before she could do something uncomfortable like giving me money or something.“Really? Even if I could give you the one thing you desire most?” she said in a most inquisitive tone.“You have Jennifer Aniston’s cell phone number?” I quipped. Abigail just quietly waited. “What? To actually GO TO the reality that is Equestria in the show?” adding a slight chuckle, “Heh, now that I would be far tempted to take you up on. If only you could.”“I’m glad we met. Remember to follow you heart” she said in a rather abrupt closing.“Uh, wha . . . . “ was all I got out before there was a flash of powder blown at me and everything went white.
My senses started to return. Everything was still white, but I felt wind, and cold. “Aw great. My organs got harvested, didn’t they?” I looked down, and I was intact, though then noticing I was lying in snow. “What the hell?” I got up, a little disoriented, but not terribly surprising considering I was in the middle of a blizzard with no frame of reference to anything. I realized something was different. Everything, including myself felt off in some way, but don’t know what it was. With only the clothes on my back for a mild day, it was starting to set in that I was in a rather dire situation, if I didn’t find a way out of the storm. Nothing but white in all directions but one, where there was . . something . . in that direction. Couldn’t tell if it was light or dark, or whatever, but it WAS something, so I began trekking in that direction.After what felt like hours of trudging through snow, the outline of whatever I was heading towards seemed hardly any closer. I continued having that weird feeling of things not being right. I suppose it could have just been the fact of the situation, but there was something else. Even the way the snow felt under each footfall was not as I remembered when walking in snow. As I looked down at each step, things seemed . . . . lacking “detail.” Was it just the blowing snow obscuring my vision? I glanced back up to check my direction. I startled to a stop by the sudden presence of a silhouette much closer to me than whatever I had been heading towards. It was clearly something large. “Where did it come from? Was it always there? Is it alive?” I wasn’t sure what I should do. I hadn’t detected any movement after staring at it for several minutes, so I chose to investigate. At the time, for all I known, it may have been a shelter. As I approached, my worries got confirmed, as whatever it was, moved. And it had turned to face my direction. I froze. I couldn’t feel the wind, or the cold. All my senses focused on the fear of this . . . . whatever. My eyes were locked on the object before me, for what felt like an eternity. I couldn’t do anything, fearing that ANYTHING would invoke my doom. I felt my heart thundering in my chest. Time went on forever . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . then . . .“Why you just stand there in snow?” a voice questioned. The unexpected dialog startled me, causing me to take in a short breath. Still frozen in place, and no idea how to respond, the voice asked, “You going to stay there through whole storm?”“W – what?” I finally mustered.“Big storm come. Lots of snow and wind. You stay here?” the voice asks again.“I – I am trying to find shelter” I finally managed to compose a worthy sentence.“Come with me. We have shelter.” The voice offers.“WE?!?” I thought to myself, “There are more of whatever this is in front of me?”“Come, storm is getting stronger” the voice insists.I cautiously moved closer towards the shape before me, and began making out some detail. “A bear? No. It talked. What, who is it?” It turned away from me and began moving off. I had little option but to follow.“I am Thaddeus from kingdom of Yakyakistan. We go there now.” said the large shape.A shot of lightning zoomed through my body at the realization of where I was. “You are a yak! This is Equestria!”“Yes. Of course. Where you expect?” Thaddeus asked in a puzzled reply.“No, sorry, I mean, I came from another realm, or world, or existence . . . . or something.” I tried clarifying.“That explains strange look.” Remarked Thaddeus, giving a glance back at me, “How you get here in middle of glacier?” he asked.“I – I’m not sure really. Some sort of magic, a gateway . . . . . wait, maybe I’m just dreaming. I don’t recall anything of getting here.” I said. Though, it seemed too detailed to be the run-of-the-mill dream. That was when I finally realized what that off feeling really was. I was more cartoon-ish than realistic. Along with it, my perception changed to not really notice, but ever slightly, I still was able to. “No, I’m pretty sure this is real.”“It is real alright. This storm can destroy us. Comes every year. Lasts many moons. We keep moving.” Thaddeus insisted. We trudged onward, the large, armor adorned yak packing down a path making my task of following significantly easier. Before long, the mysterious shape I was originally making my way towards became apparent. The gateway to Yakyakistan!
I won’t go into great detail of my stay in Yakyakistan, but Thaddeus took me in to weather the storm, which to the best that I could determine lasted some 50 or 60 days. During that time, there was much to learn of the culture within Yakyakistan, and was shocked at just how accepting they were of me. Maybe it was just celebrity status for someone, er, someTHING they hadn’t ever seen before. The yaks were intrigued at my knowledge of Equestria, wondering how someon . . . thing who didn’t know even how I arrived, would have knowledge of this place. Fearing what effect it would have telling the inhabitants of this world that their reality is completely fabricated by writers of my world, I simply said I learned about it in some old, dusty history books. As time went on, I mentioned my desire to reach Ponyville. Thaddeus mentioned that their leader, Prince Rutherford had recently traveled to Ponyville for diplomatic relations. I was careful not to say I knew he had, as it would only bring up further questions of my knowledge. When the weather finally broke, and snows subsided over a few more months, I was able to begin my trek to Ponyville. Thaddeus had set me up with some supplies and bits to help me along. I thanked him for all he and his fellow yaks had done for me, and promised I would visit again. Before long, I managed to reach the Crystal Empire, a sight far more impressive to see in real life than on a TV screen. And from there, I acquired a train ticket to the destination of my objective. And THAT is how I’ve managed to get to Ponyville.Ah yes, you are quite right. I understand you skepticism, as I am not the human form that I mentioned prior. It too is a story, that is a bit more incredible than the first. Well, let’s see. I suppose I will need to go through everything that happened up to that point, if what I’m going to tell you will even be plausible.
So, I arrived at the Ponyville train station just as Winter Wrap Up was being completed. Everything felt so fresh and new! However, the newly minted Spring conditions wasn’t what had Ponyville’s residents’ attention. No. That honor belonged to yours truly. Apparently, Ponyville has seen enough disasters to warrant concern over some-thing very out of the ordinary. In my quick wit, I managed for formulate a most stunning statement, and said, “Uh. Hi?” A moment of more staring by the residents, and then they all returned to what they were doing like I wasn’t even there! “Nice to meet you too” I said quietly to myself. All of a sudden, I had a thought I hadn’t before. I realized that I was so focused on the task of getting to Ponyville, I never really developed a plan for once I did. I wasn’t sure what I should do. I could make out many recognizable landmarks, like Town Hall, Carousel Boutique, the windmill, and Twilights horrid castle. Oh, how much I miss Golden Oak Library.Where to begin? I didn’t have much. Just a few basic supplies and a couple bits left. OK, basic survival 101. Shelter, food, and water. My gut told me to get to Princess Twilight as quickly as possible, but at the same time, I’m sure she has her hooves full with more pressing issues than one lowly drifter blowing into town. Perhaps Town Hall would be a good place to start. See if they have a program for new arrivals, maybe even one for some- (ugh) thing as strange looking as myself. So, with no better option coming to mind, I head towards Town Hall. I was getting plenty of looks from anyone who didn’t immediately see me when I departed the train, but it seemed, as long as I acted like I was supposed to be there, nopony really seemed to get worried. Arriving at Town Hall, I wasn’t sure if I should walk in, or knock, or what. I decided to play the safe card, and knock.To no great surprise, I was greeted by Mayor Mare with a, “Yes? How may I helLLLLLllllll Oh dear! You gave me a bit of a start!”“Yea, sorry about that. It’s kind of hard to avoid” I said sheepishly.“Yes, I imagine so. Is there something I can do for you?” Ms. Mare replied.“Maybe. No big surprise, I’m new in town, and I’m looking to settle in at least for a while. I don’t have much money, and was hoping maybe there is something that can be done for such a situation?”Ms. Mare thought for a moment, then said, “The town governance doesn’t have any such provisions, but the ponies of Ponyville are always very accommodating. I’m sure there is plenty of assistance to be had if you ask around.”I somehow expected I’d get nowhere with the mayor, and was prepared with a response. “Thank you Mayor. I’m sure I will.”Leaving Town Hall, I had to think of who I should turn to for help. Establishing that first contact is everything. From that, the possibilities are endless. But who would even be willing to open a dialog with . . . me?“Hey! Hey uh . . . mister” I heard loudly proclaimed, breaking my concentration, “What are you?”Looking down, three fillies staring back at me, wide-eyed, and full of curiosity. One says, “Are you a Diamond Dog or something?”“Um, I’m what is called a human” I said as I knelt down on one knee.“Oh oh oh! I heard of you before!” the small white filly expressed with even more enthusiasm.“Uh, you have?” I said with a bit of surprise.“Yea, me too! Princess Twilight told us about humans when she went through a mirror portal” the orange pegasus filly blurted out while hovering a few inches above the ground on hummingbird-like wings.Of course. Apparently, Equestria Girls must mesh with this reality as well. “Oh right. That makes sense” ruffling up the mane of the little pegasus.“So what brings y’all here ta Ponyville mister?” the yellow earth pony says with an adorable southern accent.“Well, I was hoping to find a place to bunk down for a while, maybe get a bite to eat?” I said with less than complete certainty in my voice.“Boy mister, y’all are in luck. I’m sure ma family would let ya stay in the barn tonight, and have dinner with us too! You could tell us all about humans!” the yellow filly offered up without hesitation.The pegasus quickly responding, “Uh, are you sure that’s a good idea Applebloom? Your sister may not appreciate unexpected company.”“Pft, fiddle sticks, itl’ be fine. My name is Applebloom, and this here is Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.” The earth pony filly nonchalantly continues on.“Oh, I’m Rod.”“Rod? That’s it? Just . . . Rod?” Scootaloo says.“Be nice Scoots. It’s not every day we get to meet a human!” Sweetie Belle scolds, “Sorry about that mist . . . Rod. It’s very nice to meet you.”“Thank you” I say with more certainty in my voice, “it is very good meeting you too. But Scootaloo is right, I don’t think you should go inviting me without at least discussing it with your family first.”“OK, I’ll go ask ‘em if it would be OK” Applebloom concedes, and the three quickly run off in a blink of an eye.“Uh, I guess I’ll wait here then?” I say to myself. A moment to reflect, I look around. I really can’t fully believe my luck. I’m actually IN Ponyville! All the months in Equestria itself already, and the feeling of being in Ponyville is just as exhilarating as it was when I discovered I made it to Equestria! I almost want to pinch myself to make sure it’s not a dream, but don’t in fear that I may wake up. Everything is so beautiful. I just can’t stop looking at . . . . everything! I notice a minty colored unicorn pony walking sort of in my direction. “Lyra” I quietly announce to myself. Fearing the likelihood my hands will be ripped from my arms if she sees me, I developed an escape plan to avoid her detection, but I’m too late. She looks right at me and I wince at the expectation of what’s to come. But nothing does come, and when I look again, she is continuing on her way. I guess fanon reality doesn’t exist here. A relief really, considering thoughts of Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory going through my mind. Not long after, an unmistakable bouncy pink mare comes by. I can’t help but simply smile! My #2 favorite pony, I just want to hug her and tell her just how awesome I think she is, but before I can do anything, she lets out a loud gasp while levitating in the air, then shoots off in a cloud of dust. I just laugh to myself, “Well, I guess I’ll be getting a party in the near future!” I just begin wandering the streets of Ponyville, getting myself oriented to the layout. “I wonder where Sweet Apple Acres is from here anyhow. I guess probably in the direction the girls ran off.”“I’m sorry, uh, sir. What did you say?” a voice asks.“Oh, I was just talking to mysel . . . . “ my voice catching at the sight of Miss Cheerilee. So odd knowing everyone, when I’m not “supposed” to know them, “. . . uh, myself.”“Ha, yes, I tend to do that myself sometimes” she continues, “Can I help you with something?”“Oh, uh, no. I’m just taking in all the sights of Ponyville. I sure like this little town.” I play off the conversation I was having with myself.“Yes, it is a great community. Where are you from?” Miss Cheerilee asks.“Uh, the closest description I can offer is the place Princess Twilight went to, through that magic mirror.” I said without getting into a more accurate answer.“Really, and you know the Princess?” she presses.I counter, “No, not exactly. Only of her.”“And you came through the mirror?” her curiosity continuing to build.“No. Actually, I don’t know quite how I got to Equestria” I say, putting on a slight smile, “but I’m pretty glad I ended up here!”You could see the confusion in the mare’s expression. I was just hoping she wouldn’t press for more details than I wished to share. If painted into a corner with a question I would have to not answer, I would doubt it would help building trust amongst these ponies.“Well, I hope things work out for you, uh . . . . “ she says, much to my relief.“Oh, my name is Rod, Miss Cheerilee.” I blurt out.“You know my name?” the purple mare says with a look of concern, “I didn’t mention it to you.”Crap! Now I gone and done it. Quick-quick-quick-quick, need to think of something fast. “Oh, yea, Mayor Mare mentioned you when she was just describing some of Ponyville’s more prominent citizens” I said in my best ability to sound nonchalant.“Oh, I see. Well Rod, I hope to see you later, and see how you’re fitting in then” accepting the answer without question.“Until later then. Nice meeting you.” Phew! What a relief. That could have gone really bad. With Ms. Cheerilee going on her way, I just begin to wander aimlessly about Ponyville, still drawing the expected glances and stares, but none the less deterred to just take in everything I could. I mean, I’m actually standing right in front of the pony statue/fountain which I’ve only ever imagined doing while watching the show on TV! And here I am. I can touch it and everything! So awesome!“Letter for you, um . . . “ a mailpony hesitates mid-sentence.“What? But . . how, never mind. Thank you sir” I simply accept without further questioning. I only wish the postal system was so efficient in my world. Opening the envelope, I find an invitation requesting my presence at Sugarcube Corner at 3PM. “Well, this makes much more sense now.”
So, three o’clock starts to roll around, and I’m approaching Sugarcube Corner. I can hear rustling, whispers, and hushes coming from inside, the door already open, but lights inside turned off.Being the type of person who likes to get a rise out of someone, I say in a somewhat louder tone, “Huh, looks like nopony is around. I guess I’ll come back later.”“NO! COME IN NOW!” an overly excited mare’s voice is heard from within.“Hmm? Somepony there?” as I step inside.The lights flick on, “SURPRISE!!!” everypony yells in unison as they jump out from behind everything in the room.“Wow! This is a surprise!” (not) “You did all this for me?” as I put on my best OMG expression.“Yup yuppity yuppers! Every new visitor to Ponyville gets their very own Pinkie Pie certified, Welcome to Ponyville surprise party!” the sugar-high pink pony belts out without skipping a beat, nor taking a breath.“Awesome! Thank you so much Pi . . . I-uh-um . . . . . “ I catch myself before enter another bout of questioning.“Pinkie Pie!” she rapidly responds, bouncing uncontrollably in place with a huge smile across her face.“Thanks Pinkie. Everything looks amazing!” I finish.And that’s when Pinkie went and introduced EVERYPONY in sight. Took a while, but at least I can finally stop pretending I don’t know who they are anymore. Heck, I even learned the names of several ponies I never knew the names to, or only knew them as fandom names. I realized then, that I didn’t see my #1 favorite pony in the crowd. Once the crowd began to go about enjoying the party, I decided to get a little creative at prodding for information to her whereabouts.“So Pinkie, these are ALL your friends?” I start.“Yup, sure are!” still with that powerful smile emblazoned upon her face.“So . . . do you have a best friend?” I keenly ask to direct focus in the direction I desire.“I have five best friends!” she said with even more enthusiasm.“Five?! Wow! How fortunate. Who are they?” slyly navigating my way to my desired topic.“Well…” pointing to each as she goes, “..there is Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Apple Jack, Twilight Sparkle, and also Fluttershy, who will be stopping in later” she readily offered up. “Come on! Let’s mingle!”With the knowledge I sought acquired, there was nothing more to do than have a good time. I must say the cider was more potent than I would have expected for a bunch of cartoon horses. I still don’t know how they skip the whole fermentation process, but hay, what does it matter? These ponies are a blast, and seeing Twilight dance is still as humorous as ever. Such a fun time. It is strange though, me being such an outsider, and this felt like I was literally part of a family. Got the chance to talk with AJ, and she said the Apples had no problem putting me up for a while, especially if I could help out a bit. Done deal, no problem there. Incredible! This is the happiest I’ve ever been. And then . . . . . . . a pink maned, yellow coated mare walked in the front door. That same bolt of electricity that I felt when I realized I was in Equestria, flew up my spine again. I don’t know if someone turned down the music and everypony quieted down to just a low whisper, but I heard nothing for several minutes as I watched her walking in. My God, her smile as Pinkie greeted her . . . it’s even more infectious than watching on the show. I can’t believe I’m even in the same room as her. She is really real. Right there. Just across the room from me. And all of a sudden, she and Pinkie look right at me. Surprise on her face very apparent. Thankfully, it didn’t appear to be fear. OMG, they are coming over here! Shit, be cool Rod. Don’t come off as a creepy stalker or something. Did it just get really hot in here?“Hi Rod” Pinkie starts.Starting with a crack in my voice, “Hey *cough* hey Pinkie. I take it this is the dear Fluttershy you mentioned?”“It is! It is!” pink pony once again bouncing out of control.“I can certainly say it is truly a pleasure to meet you Fluttershy.” (heh, smooooth)“Um, it’s nice meeting you too. Are you really a human like Twilight described?” Fluttershy politely inquired.“Best as I can tell, that is right, though, I didn’t get here through a mirror. I’m not sure how I got here at all.”“Oh my, that is incredible. But you are all by yourself? Aren’t you worried that your family is wondering where you are?” she says with clear concern expressed on her face.“Yes, I’m by myself, and that was many months, er, moons ago. I don’t have any family or friends to worry about. I’ve been alone long before coming here.” Oh dear, I can see I’ve made her sad. “Please, please. Don’t be upset. I’ve gotten used to it a long time ago, and since coming to Equestria, I’ve never been happier!”“Oh, um, OK then. You’ll have to tell me later, more about how you came here, but I need to go talk with Twilight. It is nice to meet you again.”“I look forward to that opportunity. Until then” I close.-WOW!I just had a conversation with Fluttershy! With coherent sentences and everything!-Hey! Stop with the fangirl crap, Man up.-But OMFG I was talking WITH HER!!!-Seriously? What are you 8 years old?-I know I know I know, but I’ve always hoped for this, and it happened! *squee*Wait . . . . . . did I . . . . I mean, I can . . . . squee?!?! OK, that is weird. . . . Well whatever. I’m sure I haven’t seen anything yet. As the party continued, and cooled down a little, I got the chance to talk with a bunch of ponies, Fluttershy included. It really made me feel at home, if I can even know what that should even feel like anymore, since it’s been so long since I had any family.As the party came to a close, AJ said, “Come on now. We’ll get y’all set up real nice like.” And with that said, that feeling I used to get when watching the show rushed over me, and a few tears welled up. “What’s th’ matter? Is everythin’ alright?”“Things couldn’t be better” I managed to choke out.
At Sweet Apple Acres, I was adjusting quite well. Sure, I was pretty worthless for apple bucking or cart hauling. But was able to do plenty of other work needing done, like helping Granny Smith and working the Apple’s market stand. In fact, on one day, I was working the stand all by myself, as the Apple’s were all out filling deliveries of pies all across Equestria. It was a rather slow day, with plenty of time to just think and take in the day. Then I noticed Fluttershy working her way through the stands on the far side of the market. Engrossed in her activities, watching her giggle on occasion, giving her pet bunny a treat, I barely noticed the flash of light next to me.“She really is a sight to behold, isn’t she?”An unmistakable voice I couldn’t possibly not recognize. “DISCORD!!!!!! I . . . um . . . what . . . her? . . . I wouldn’t know!” I said in a complete panic.“I’m finding it hard to believe you seriously don’t find Fluttershy fascinating.” Discord pressed.“Well . . . yes, but I would never get in the way of your relationship. Please don’t turn me into a toad!!!”The slightest look of confusion came across Discords face, “What relationship would that be?”“You guys are, like, special someponies, er . . . draconequuses or something right?” I clarify.With a chuckle, “Dear boy, I’m thousands of years old. She is a bit young for me. You should think of it more like a daughter, slash, very caring father relationship. So, would you wish to change your answer?”*sigh*. . . . . . . . . “I find her to be the most amazing . . . . . anything, I’ve ever crossed paths with.”Discord pausing for a moment with a look of inquisitiveness in his eyes. “Really? And you came to this conclusion in the very short time you’ve been in Ponyville, you say?”*gulp* “Um . . . . . . ““Wouldn’t it be safe to say, you have had knowledge of her, and everypony else for that matter, long before you came to Equestria?”*double gulp!* “What? No! I’m just . . . ““You aren’t telling me everything. How did you know my name the moment you saw me? You clearly are keeping a secret.”*sigh* “OK, you got me. I’ll tell you everything, but please keep this between us, alright?” Discord nods slowly. “You see, where I come from, all of Equestria is a fictitious story created by a person named Lauren Faust. Everything I’ve seen is exactly as it is in the stories of my world. Basically, humans of my world created your world.”A long pause came from Discord, then followed by the crack of a chuckle, a snort, and finally full-fledged laughter. Needless to say, I was rather put back by his reaction.“You are hilarious! You really believe that, don’t you?” he says with much vigor, wiping a tear from his eye.“Um, that is the truth. Without humans writing you, you wouldn’t exist.”“Are all humans as quick to believe the universe revolves around them?” Discord quickly quips. “Have you considered that maybe there is another possibility?”“Umm . . . . . . . “Discord gets a look of disconcerting joy upon his face, “Well . . . now it’s time to share a secret of my own. This Lauren Faust you speak of, her real name is Laurel Frost, and she is from Equestria. Even from a young age, she was a rather powerful unicorn. Years ago, she found a way to travel to another reality. Your reality. From what you’ve told me, it sounds like she still has a means to see into this reality, and has been writing tales from her observations.”No doubt I was wearing the look of ‘deer in the headlights’, and a lengthy pause to process what I was just told. “Oh my God . . . . . . OH . . MY . . GOD! . . . . wholly flippin’ burgers! . . . . . Lauren Faust is a pony?!?!!?”Deadpanning, “Didn’t I just say that?”“That’s . . . that’s just . . . . . I can’t believe I didn’t figure that out!” I say, now sweating over the revelation. “That is just insane!”Discord still continuing with the neutral tone, “Well, it’s a lot more believable than your story.”“No! You are right! It makes so much sense! How could I have been so foolish? I’m so sorry for thinking humans were like gods over Equestria. I am such an idiot!”A wave of his claw, “Pish posh, not to worry. But that still doesn’t explain your presence. It’s assumed Laurel Frost hasn’t been able to return, so how is it you figured out how to get to Equestria?” Discord says with much more seriousness.“I don’t know. I was unconscious and woke up here.”“And you aren’t trying to find a way back?”“No! Being here is everything I’ve ever wanted.”“So, it wasn’t entirely by accident that you got here then?”“No, I helped someone, and as a reward, they somehow sent me here after discussing what I desired.”“Hmmm, I believe you are telling the truth, and harboring no further secrets. With thousands of years interacting with ponies, I’ve gotten quite astute at judging one’s character. So how about we get back to the matter at hand, shall we?“Erm?”“Fluttershy, my dear boy. You know, she has been talking a lot about you as well. I think she senses your good intentions. You two should get to know each other better.”“Oh, I don’t know. She seems like she’s got a lot going on as is and . . . ““Yes-yes. She said the same thing. You are expected to be at the Hay Café at seven. Don’t be late.” And with a flash, Discord was gone.“Um, OK then? . . . “ He doesn’t waste words with small talk, does he?
Astonishing how quickly Rarity was able to put something together for me. Never even seeing a human before, how did she even know how “we” dress? Granted, the styling isn’t far off between our worlds, but still, an impressive display of skills. Anyhow, seven o’clock was quickly approaching. I was a few blocks away just waiting. I didn’t want to appear desperate by arriving too early. About ten of, I saw Fluttershy making her way to the café. She was adorned in a very flattering dress. (still so funny to think a species which spends most of the time unclothed, can look all the more attractive when they are clothed) I, in turn, took a deep breath, left it out, and started on my way. We met at almost the same time. I followed through with all the customary gentleman etiquettes with greetings and getting her seated. I took a seat myself across from her.Wow. She looks great. “Wow. You look great.” my male brain so cleverly translated into words.“Oh, um, thank you. You are looking rather dapper yourself” returning the compliment with a blush.“Thanks. Yea Rarity can really pull off some amazing work.”In a flash of light, a draconequus waiter appeared, “Ah madame et monsieur, bienvenue à Hay Café! May I get you started with drinks and appetizers? I’ve heard the hay fries are rather delectable this evening.”Fluttershy and I placed our orders, of what is irrelevant. However, what was relevant was the difficulty we were both experiencing trying to get some conversation going. I don’t know if it’s the fact that Discord is present like an overprotective father, or that we are the spotlight of conversation, or our meeting being somewhat forced, but it just isn’t going like it did back when I was talking with her at my ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party. We were both making attempts, but conversation always fizzled out into silence.“What’s up with you two?” Discord appearing from nowhere, “I thought you two really liked each other. What is the problem?”“Well,” I begin, “I think it feels a little bit forced.”“Yes, you know how uncomfortable I can be when I’m the center of attention.” Fluttershy completing the answer.“Oh for the sake of Peter, you ponies and humans just have to make things so complicated. Fine, let’s try something a bit more private, shall we?” proclaimed the irked draconequus, and before we were given the opportunity to respond, a flash of light and our surrounds changed almost in an instant.“My cottage! But I didn’t even have a chance to clean up Discord!” Fluttershy said with clear embarrassment.“Oh stop, it’s fine. Now you kids have fun!” and in another flash of light, Discord was gone again.We worked on more conversation, but it was more about the animals, or the weather, or any other number of topics drawn upon in desperation. What was the problem? Why can’t we just tell each other what’s really on our minds. I know I really like her, and from what Discord said, she feels similar feelings towards me. Discord is right, why does this have to be so darn difficult! Time just went on and on, dodging any subject of how we feel about one another. Then another flash of light.“That is it, I can’t take any more of this. You two ridiculously timid creatures are going to open up to one another, one way or another!!” Yet another flash of light, and the scenery changed again, this time apparently, to Fluttershy’s bedroom. Before either of us had a chance to speak, Discord makes appear what looks to be a blind bag figure of Fluttershy, and a much more surprising blind bag figure of me. “I’m going to fix this problem right now!” He brings together mouth and muzzle of the figurines. In an instant, invisible forces pull Fluttershy and myself together, sealing our lips to one another! Her expression of shock evident, eyes wide, pupils dilated. I’m sure mine was no different. “I won’t be back until tomorrow, so I certainly hope you two can get this worked out.” All either of us could do was mumble panicked noises and wave frantically. “Arrivederci!” and in a flash, he and the figurines vanished.Jeezus! I’m friggen kissing a cartoon horse, and it’s . . it’s . . well . .it isn’t so bad. Actually, it’s rather satisfying. Well, except maybe for the forced part. Granted, her facial features are more human like than a horse, so it shouldn’t come as much surprise. As shock began to wear off into embarrassment, we were both attempting to avoid eye contact, eyes zipping back and forth, like there was something else interesting in the room. Easier said than done for me though, considering the size of Fluttershy’s eyes. Her blush was beet red. I was hoping she wouldn’t catch on fire. I’m sure I wasn’t looking any less embarrassed. Several minutes had passed, and then Fluttershy looked up, her brow lowering a bit, as if thinking about something. She then closes her eyes, a few more seconds passing, she leaves out a sigh, and opens her eyes again, looking right into mine. But not the same look of panic or embarrassment. No, it was ‘that’ look. She wrapped her hooves around me. I’m sure my look of surprise was back again. As I’m sure Fluttershy had figured out, it didn’t take me long to conclude too, this probably is the best way to pass the time. Heck, it’s not like we were going anywhere. We embraced and got to know each other better without the words we were so difficultly unable to convey.I see your look of concern, and I will answer it before you even ask. We only kissed, and nothing more. There is a matter of acting with some etiquette, not to mention I believe we both consider interspecies propagation to not be such a good idea.
True to Discord’s word, he did not return. Time continued to click on by, and as evening turned to night, and the both of us growing ever more tired, we lied down in bed, still lips locked, and drifted off to sleep.
The sound of a rooster’s call awoke me the next morning. Fluttershy too awakening to the call. We were facing one another in her bed, though, no longer lip locked. I smiled at her. She returned the smile.“Fluttershy, I’ve cherished every moment I have laid eyes upon you. There is no pony else that even comes close to the way I feel when you are around.” I confessed with no apprehension at all.“I feel much the same way!” she follows with ease, “I don’t know why, but there is just something intriguing about you that makes my tummy feel like it’s full of butterflies.”“Oh my goodness! We got to get them out of there!” I joke, rubbing her belly.She laughs, “Stop, I’m ticklish!”“Wow, Discord really did know just what to do, didn’t he? I feel so relieved not to be bottling up my feelings any longer.”“Yes, he may try to come off as cold and self-centered, but he is one of the most caring creatures I’ve ever known. I’m also happy to just finally be myself. I can’t believe how much easier it is talking with you now.”“Yea, after having one’s lips sealed to another’s for several hours, kind of makes the whole talking thing a walk in the park, doesn’t it?” I add, “It was actually pretty fun!”“I thought so too. I might have to ask Discord to do a favor again in the future.” She said with a blush and a slight giggle. I smiled back in agreeance.Conversation never was a problem after that, and we became quite close. Rarely a day goes by, that I don’t thank my lucky stars. How is it no other pony hasn’t built a close relationship to Fluttershy before me? She is practically the perfect mare. Sure there are a few little quirks about her, like putting the animals before anypony else, including herself. Sounds like an all positive trait, but if she puts herself last and something happens, what would happen to the animals in turn? There really is such a thing as being too caring. The Breezies incident is a perfect example. But even with those small flaws, it pales comparison to all the positive traits. Besides, who wants absolute perfection anyhow. That’d be boring.I sighed at a nagging thought, and I think she sensed my distress. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. We come to know each other quite well. As close as we’ve become, there is still a secret I’ve held, even as inconsequential as it is, a secret none-the-less.“Fluttershy . . . . . . . I need to tell you something. I haven’t been completely open with you.” A slight worry noted upon her face at the words. “You see, I’ve actually known about you long before I came to Equestria and met you in pony. In my world, you are part of a story. The moment I saw you in that story, my heart melted. I’ve known you years before you’ve known me. I’m sorry I’ve never told you about this. I really should have the moment I met you.”“I already knew.” Fluttershy quickly replied to help quell my worries, “Discord told me shortly after you arrived in Ponyville. It didn’t matter then, and it doesn’t matter now. It changes nothing. I still care for you the same as I always have.”Tears well up in my eyes, and Fluttershy is helpless to prevent the same happening to her. We hug. There is nothing like the feeling that tears of joy bring. “I’m sorry, I’m getting your coat and mane wet.”“Shut up and hug me you hairless ape.” She quips to bring some levity to the situation.
One day, while arriving back at Fluttershy’s cottage after a day of running the Apple’s market stand, I could see she had a look of worry. She said a couple of ponies from the Royal Guard had dropped off a message requesting that I come to Canterlot to appear before Princess Celestia in a few days’ time. “What do you think she wants?” I asked Fluttershy.“I have no idea. I would think that she would just come here if she wanted to meet you.” Fluttershy said with concern in her voice.“Hmm, then I guess we wait until then. Do you think we should tell the others?Fluttershy nodded, “Yes, especially Twilight. She may know what this could be about.”We didn’t waste any time to go see Twilight. She was unsure as we were, but also thought it seemed odd that Princess Celestia wouldn’t have just dropped in for a simple cordial introduction, rather than having a citizen make the long trek for such a small matter. Twilight also agreed all six should go to Canterlot together with me.The day of my requested presence finally comes after several sleep-deprived nights for the both of us. We caught the early train to Canterlot. Everyone had feelings of uneasiness. Even Pinkie was less than her bouncy self. (though, still significantly more upbeat than most ponies on a good day) Arriving at the Canterlot train station, several Royal Guard ponies with chariots were waiting to escort us to the castle. Minutes later, we were at the main gate. I won’t deny it. The castle looks impressive on TV, but seeing it in person makes it nearly intimidating. Might have something to do with the number of Royal Guard ponies all stationed about its walls and spires. We are led through the main gate, and into the main entrance opening up into a great hall, down several more corridors to the throne room, where two larger ponies with magically flowing manes were awaiting my arrival.I bowed down and said, “Your Majesties, I am Rod, and here at your request.”The large white mare stepping towards me, “No need to be so formal Rod. Please call me Celestia, and this is my sister, Princess Luna, but as I have been told, you already know of us well.”“Yes, quite so. Though it is a great honor and pleasure meeting you in person.” I answer.“And you as well. You see, to meet a human is quite rare, though, you are not the first to come to Equestria, and is why I have summoned you here this day.” Celestia continues, “You see, many years ago a young female human named Megan had come here from your world on numerous occasions via a rainbow portal. Those visits she made triggered a chain of events that caused great instability still felt to this day, here in Equestria. Since then, that portal has been sealed to prevent further damage.”Twilight interjects as no other would probably do to the princess, “That was many years ago, what does this have to do with Rod’s presence? He has been in Equestria for many moons without any noted problems. Sure, there may have been a few more Hydra encounters than usual, and the Everfree Forest seems to have expanded slightly in the recent past, but I don’t see the connection to him.”“I only wish that I would have reached you sooner, as what I have to tell you will only be all the more difficult for all of you. I did sense Rod’s presence almost immediately upon his arrival in our world, though, I thought I was able to contain a rift created by his presence. I have only been able to slow its progression, and the disharmony it is creating. You see, humans cannot exist in this world, just as ponies cannot exist in the human world, without causing this rift to form.”“Wait, wait. You are saying I’m creating problems for Equestria? I would never do anything to cause strife here. It’s everything I love!” I quickly exclaim.“I know you wouldn’t, and just as Megan was true and kind of heart as well, it isn’t something you have any control over, it is a mere side effect of your presence.” Celestia states firmly, but with compassion in her tone.“But what about Laurel Frost? She’s been in my world for many years. I haven’t seen the end of my world due to her.” I counter.“Your world is at peace and without calamity?” Celestia asks.“Well . . . no. It is actually gotten quite bad in recent . . . . . . . . . oh . . . . I see.” the realization coming to me.“I’m truly sorry to have to be the bearer of this, but I must have you leave this world to maintain the harmony of Equestria I am responsible for.” the princess professes in a low tone of unwillingness. And with those words, a startling exclamation of a normally quiet pony breaks through the gasps of the surprised.“WHAT!!! NO!!! You can’t just make him leave! We can fix whatever needs to be done. Please don’t make Rod leave! Please Princess! He’s the only one I’ve ever felt right with.” tears pouring from Fluttershy. The others nodding in agreeance with her statement.“This is not an option for me my dear. Stability must be maintained, and there is no way I can contain the rift.” I’m sorry Fluttershy. I have no choice.” Celestia bowing her head, looking at the ground while speaking the words she knew she was going to have to say.“Then I will go with him to his world.” Fluttershy frantically exclaims.“I cannot allow that either. Just as I am responsible for Equestria, I am responsible for all the ponies as well. I cannot allow my ponies to cause harm to another world. I made extensive efforts to stop Laurel Frost, but she evaded my efforts, and now I am to blame for the chaos of the human world. I cannot bear to allow further damage to happen.” Celestia now looking up at Fluttershy directly, to drive the point home.“Um.” I interject, “Isn’t there a spell that could transform me into a pony or something?”“There are, but none are permanent, nor does it alter one’s self, only the physical appearance. The effects of the rift would remain. You must believe me when I say, I thought through every scenario in attempts to avoid this path. I don’t take lightly having to make this proclamation. I know it to be far harder on you and Fluttershy than I can possibly claim to understand.”“Oh god. I can’t believe I . . . . . I . . . “ further words escaping me.“I am so terribly sorry to have to do this, but more time only makes it even harder. A mirror gateway to what I believe is your world has opened up this morning, and I had the mirror brought here. I will give you time to say your good-byes, but I must insist that you go back to your world this day.”With that, Celestia steps aside to allow us our time. Fluttershy is crying uncontrollably, which didn’t help dispel tears of my own. Everypony pulls together in a group hug, tears flowing everywhere. Even AJ was shedding a few drops. As wonderful as tears of joy are, tears of sorrow are as equally horrible. What a terrible thing being uncontrollably torn away from everything you love. I don’t know a physical pain that hurts as much as the mental anguish of this moment. We continue to hug, not wanting to let go in knowledge of knowing what is to come when we do. A stifled cough from the room is heard, and we know the inevitable is upon us. We break up the group hug.I turn to face Celestia, “OK, I guess I’m ready as I’m gonna get.”A mirror is brought into the throne room. I walk over to it. Looks like any other mirror, but touching the surface is like touching lukewarm water. I turn my back to the mirror to face six smaller ponies and the two larger ones which have joined them. Fluttershy is broke down on the ground, barely able to look at me as she continues to cry. Pinkie’s mane is straight for the first time since I’ve been here. Dash is attempting to express anger, by kicking invisible objects across the floor, Rarity and Twilight just look at the ground in front of them, several tears quietly falling to the immaculate floor. Apple Jack tips her hat in recognition, before pulling the brim down to cover the sorrow on her face.“I’m sure you guys already know it, but I am going to miss you more than you will ever know. You are truly everything to me, and nothing will ever remotely equate to my time here. My time with you Fluttershy.” looking at her, her, looking back at me. She can’t bring any words to fruition, but we already know each other’s feelings without words long ago. Knowing I’m only dragging out the anguish for everypony at this point, I step back through the mirror. Suddenly, the scenery fizzles out from a castle throne room, to a stone wall in front of me. I once again hear all the hustle bustle of people, cars, busses, and planes all around me. I just stand there looking at that stone wall.“That’s it. . . . . . . It’s over. . . . . . . It’s gone . . . . . . “I feel . . . numb. Like I somehow just left my real world, and my world is now the misplaced reality. Everything just felt so . . . . . right, in Equestria. How can this be where I belong?A noise of a bike passing closely by me breaks my focus on the stone wall. I turn to face my fate, of my life, in my world . . .“BWAHHH!!!!” Canterlot High stands before me, and all those horribly creepy Equestia Girl-ish people milling around. I reel back, and stumble backwards, back through the portal, and in a flash I’m in the throne room again, “THAT IS NOT MY WORLD!!!” I say, practically hyperventilating while laying on my back. I look up, still on my back, to see a bunch of upside-down surprised ponies, and one exceptionally overjoyed one. “What?”“You might want to take a look at yourself.” Twilight speaking up first.I roll up to look in the mirror still before me, but there is a stallion looking back at me. Then I look down at myself, “Oh shit!” is all I get out. The sight of fur and hooves replacing my normal form. “I’m a pony?!?!” The realization quickly setting in, I have another thought. Looking back at the mirror, I note no horn or wings. “An Earth pony!” I suppose appropriately enough, but sure would have liked to been a unicorn or pegasus, though, I wasn’t complaining.The surprise of everypony wearing off and transforming into cheers, I turn back to face them. Fluttershy rushes in faster than I ever seen her go before, crashing into a hug and kisses. So fast a change of emotions, it is almost too much to process. Fluttershy and I look back at Celestia. Twilight again speaking up, “Princess, we can’t send him away again. Clearly, they are meant to be. Separating them has got to be worse that whatever calamity him being here is creating.”Celestia quietly gazes directly at me. Not saying a word. Not making a movement. I’m frozen stiff trying to figure out what will happen next. The room is completely silent. Finally, she exhales. “That will no longer be necessary. I sense no human in Rod’s form. Apparently, the mirror portals change the individual on a totalistic level. Quite the genius adaptation Starswirl made when he created these mirrors, to address the rift issue when passing between worlds.”Realization that I was going to be able to stay in Equestria slowly began to hit us, and those wonderful tears of joy once again flowed. Pinkie bounced back to poofy, and declared the most super-ultra-extreme-awesomazing party shall be thrown in my honor! It wasn’t long after, Pinkie had the honors to throw another party for Fluttershy and myself, at our wedding reception.And that, my kind sir, is how I became a pony in Equestria.Hmm, you doubt my tale? Well, why don’t you ask Fluttershy yourself? Here she comes now.“Hello Fluttershy.”“Hey Earthy, who’s your friend?”