Mister Seapony (aka I want your butt babies)

Chapters

Soarin, please
Where we goin?
You failed my son.
Turning babies into glue
Filler is for the weak
My Meth Lab is Burning
filet migngay
I'm typing this while getting robbed.
Twelve types of anal cancer all in one chapter!
Your Mother was a Hamster and Your Father Smelt of Elderberries
Is Satan gay?

Soarin, please

On a warm summer night, the sun setting down, turning the sky to a soft orange, pink, and purple. The solar light reflecting upon the prairie. The clouds, looking like they come from a painting, looking down on a farm in a small western town called Appleloosa. This certain farm is an apple orchard, and, on that land, lived a couple of stallions.
Braeburn is a working pony with a coat that was so yellow, ponies thought he was made of sunshine. He is kicking apple trees with his back hooves, quickly and powerfully, as his blonde mane becomes more messy. He wipes off the sweat on his forehead with his right, front leg. He looks up, with his emerald green eyes, to the sky to see if his husband is coming back from his Wonderbolt tour around Equestria. He notices a light blue blur quickly going across the sky. Braeburn smiles brightly and waves his hooves at the blur, to get his attention. The pegasus stops in his tracks and starts bolting downwards, trying to land. He seems to be heading towards him faster than expected and crashes right into him. The apples that used to be neatly collected were now spread out everywhere.
"Well there you are, Soarin! I've been waitin' for ya for the past couple weeks!" Braeburn laughed as Soarin is still laying on top of him. He hugs him tightly. Soarin chuckles and blushes embarrassment. "Sorry, about that," He said with a smile,"I was just a bit excited to see you! That's all!"
He kisses his cheek and gets off of him carefully. He helps him up as Brae looks around at the orchard and sees that his apples were spread out everywhere.
"Dagnabbit, Soar! Ya made me lose my apples!" he laughs at him. "At least help me clean up a bit."
"Sure thing, Babe!" Soarin teases, winking at him. Braeburn blushes while picking up his fruit and putting them into baskets.
"Don't ya 'Babe' me, Soar!" He yells while blushing harder. He starts bolting after the blue pony, starting a wild goose chase around the orchard. Brae starts catching up to him, quickly pounding his hooves against the dirt. He then jumps and tackles Soarin. They both laugh at each other while rolling around on the ground. They both poke their heads up together, their bodies still laying on the ground, chuckling to each other.

"Ya make me feel like a little colt again sometimes, ya know?" Braeburn laughs, "It would be kinda nice to have a little foal around sometimes."

Soarin is confused since he felt like that statement just came out of the blue. "What do you mean by that, Brae?" he asks with a chuckle.
"Oh-Oh nothing!" He answers nervously with a smile. "Let's just get these apples stocked up before they go bad." He stands up and looks down at Soarin. "Ya gonna help or not?" He laughs. Soarin stands back up chuckling. "I'm going to help you out!" he answers loudly and happily. He starts to help him clean up the orchard and takes them into the silo. Braeburn follows him and does the same.

"I missed you so much, man," Soarin tells him as he kisses his lips. He kisses back and smiles. "I missed ya too, baby," he replies ", I have an apple pie waiting in the oven just for you by the way." Soarin freezes in excitement and starts following his husband cheerfully as if he were his puppy.

Braeburn takes out the pie carefully and puts it on the table. Soarin reaches for it with his front right leg but Brae smacks his hoof. "Not now, partner! It still needs to cool down now!" He chuckles. His husband just stares at it and waits impatiently. "So as I was saying, I was thinking about havin' a baby," he hesitates but says anyway.

"A wh-what?" Soarin asks, realizing what he said.

"A baby, Soar!" He says with excitement. He just stares at Braeburn in shock. He hesitates to say anything back due to his mixed feelings. He takes a deep breath and whispers to him, "Are you sure we can handle that sort of responsibility, Brae?"

The golden stallion nods his head in excitement as Soarin is still thinking about the idea of having a child around. "I planned retiring from the Wonderbolts a lot later, to be honest," he chuckles nervously. Braeburn looks at him with wide eyes. "I understand but haven't ya ever wanted just a small lil' family?" questioning him.
Soarin chuckles at the thought and starts thinking about it. "I do want a kid someday though," Soarin tells him and Braeburn neighs in happiness. Braeburn hugs him tightly in cheer and kisses his cheek repeatedly. "Should we adopt one or should we hire a surrogate?" Soarin asks him and chuckles as he keeps kissing him.

"Huh? Oh! I was think'n that we could adopt first," Brae answers him happily.
"Okay, babe. We can start looking around tomorrow," Soarin tells him with a relaxed smile, and bolts his eyes over at the pie.
"Yes, you can have it, Soar," Braeburn laughs and lets go of him. Soarin grins excitedly and then smashes his face into the pie; filling and crust is scattered all over the red and white checkered clothed table. Brae smiles at him and laughs at his silliness.

"Are ya okay, Soar?" Braeburn asks.
"This is the best pie you've made yet, babe!" He answers with a mouth full of the sweet, apple pastry.
"Ya said that about my last pie though!" He laughs. Soarin lifts his head and yawns with his apple filling, covered face. Braeburn smiles. He grabs a napkin and helps him wipe his muzzle clean. "Let's get ya to bed, Soar," he tells him and gently nuzzles him.

They go up the wooden stairs, creaking a bit, into their bedroom, with photos on the wall, of them together, in colorful wooden frames. They lay down on the soft bed. "I love you..," Braeburn whispers tiredly and then wrapping his arms around the blue, fluffy pegasus's body. "I love you too, Brae..," he whispers back and kisses his lips gently with a smile. They close their eyes, falling asleep, and hold each other closely.

Where we goin?

The next morning, the sun creeps above the land. Its light showing through the window into the eyes of the two lovers. Braeburn slowly opens his eyes, tiredly, looking straight at the sun. He groans as he sits up and rubs his with his hoof. He yawns and looks down at Soarin, who is snoring loudly, still asleep in the bed. He chuckles at him and nudges him gently with his hoof.

"Morning already..?" Soarin grumbles tiredly and sits his head up to look up at Braeburn. "Ya ready for the day, Soar?" he asks excitedly while smiling at him and he sits up, looking back at him. "Yeah, I'm ready," he replies with a sweet smile and crawls out of bed. He stretches his back until he hears small popping coming from his spine. He then gets his wings stretched out, a couple of loose feathers float to the ground. He folds his wings back up as Braeburn gets off the bed.
"I'm actually quite excited for this really.!" Brae chuckles as he walks over to him with a smile. "What orphanage do ya think we should check out?" He asks him. Soarin thinks for a while and then answers," Well, I have visited one in Canterlot to show off to the kids. It's the only one I can think of really!" Braeburn, trying really hard to contain his excitement, hugs him tightly. "We can get there!" he exclaims in a joyful tone," But we may catch the train soon so we don't miss it.!"

Soarin nods and kisses his cheek. Braeburn blushes heavily and goes out to the short hallway, with a railing on his right so he could look down at the first floor. He walks into the bathroom with Soarin following behind him. Brae turns the water on, in his shower. He looks behind him and gets spooked by Soarin.
"What are ya doin' in here, Soar?" He asks with his joyful laugh.

"Who? Me? I'm just going to join you in the shower; that's all," he answers with a wink and a deep blush. Braeburn turns his whole face to a deep red and smiles. He climbs into the shower, water pouring onto his long mane. He motions his hoof, letting him in. Soar steps inside and shuts the shower curtains.
He rubs his muzzle softly against Braeburn's round flank and the yellow stallion blushes heavily. "Jeez, Soar.! Are you sure we should be doing this now?" he asks, chuckling and blushes harder. "Aw.. Not even just a nibble, baby?" He flirts while swaying his tail seductively. "No, Soar!" Brae replies with laughter as he squirts shampoo onto his hoof and starts scrubbing his mane.
"Fine.! Fine.!" Soarin chuckles, " At least let me help you with your mane." He laughs and hops on top of him. They both blush heavily as he helps with his mane by scrubbing the dirt out of it, from yesterday's hard work. "Well, if you say so, Soar!" he replies with a large grin.

The stallions, after fifteen minutes, get out of the shower, dripping wet. They dry each other off with a fluffy towel. Braeburn kisses his lips a bit and continues getting ready for the day. They brush each others' manes. Braeburn goes into his bedroom and puts on his best leather vest. "What's with the fancy get-up, Brae?" Soarin asks with a whistle. He answers with a smile, " Well, ya gotta put on your best if we are going to adopt a foal, Silly!"
Soarin looks over at him and he tells him, "I understand, Babe, but I'll just be going with my everyday usual."

"So not wearing anythin'?" Braeburn asks him with a smirk.

"Exactly!" Soarin replies with a loud chuckle. Brae grabs his small bag of bits and trots downstairs with Soarin following him, behind. Once they get outside, they started running through the orchard, past the large, green, apple trees. They get to the town's train station and Braeburn pays for the tickets to Canterlot. They look at each other, smiling. They step into the train as Braeburn excitedly trots down the aisle to find a couple of seats. They both sit in a booth like seat, with a soft velvet cushion. Soarin, sitting by the window and holding Braeburn close with his front leg. They soon hear the train whistle blowing loudly, and the train pulling them along.
"What do ya want to name the baby once we get him?" he asks him with a smile.
"Deciding on a gender already? Well, to be honest, I'm not sure exactly," Soarin replies with a laugh.
"I was think'n like Apple Dumpling maybe?" Braeburn says with a grin.
"Nah, that sounds kinda dumb," he laughs.
"Really? Well, okay. How about Cortland? Cortland Cobbler?" He asks with a bit of a chuckle, and Soarin's eyes light up.
"I like it! It's adorable, Babe!" He excitedly answers to his question. Soarin watches outside as the world goes by. He notices a huge herd of buffalo following the train. Their hooves pounding against the ground like thunder.
"Hey, Braeburn, I thought you said the bisons weren't against you anymore," Soarin tells him in a bit of worry. Braeburn crawls over him to look outside the window.
"Oh, them? That's normal actually. They won't do no harm," he tells him casually and then sits back down on the booth. Soarin wraps a wing around him and holds him close. "Well, if you say so, Cowboy," he laughs and smiles at him.

Many hours pass, the stallions are asleep on the red booth. Soarin is snoring a bit, still holding onto his husband tightly. They, then, feel the sudden jerking of the train slowing down to a stop. The squealing of the train makes the two stallions wake up a bit. They look out at the city, seeing the bright moon light shining above.

Soarin stretches a bit and gets up and Braeburn does so as well. The walk down the aisle with ponies crowding it up but they still stick together. "Is this really Canterlot, Soar?" He asks him in shock as they step out of the train. They both look up at the towering, decorated buildings all around them.

"Oh yeah! This is it, Babe!" Soarin answers with excitement. They start walking around the city and Braeburn looks all around him. "I've neva been around this part of Equestria before.!" Brae exclaims with shock.
"We better find a hotel for the night first before we go anywhere!" Soarin tells him. Braeburn and Soarin start trotting around the city, looking for a hotel to stay in. Soarin puts his hoof on Brae's chest, and stops him. He puts his hoof back down and points to a hotel nearby, with a sign that lighted up in red saying, "No Tell Hotel."
They look at each other and blush heavily. They walk through the turning doors, and inside the building. They see a waiting room, with blue, cushioned seats right next to a blue couch. They face a brick fireplace. The room was decorated with paintings and plants. They go up to the front counter to check in. The pastel purple unicorn, with a curly blond mane, blue eyes and glasses, look at them both with a tired look, bags under her eyes.
"Hello, ma'am. We would like a room just for the night please," Braeburn says to her and she seems a bit shocked.
"You don't mean just for a couple hours? You two must be quite the busy stallions," she replies, trying not to laugh. Her comment flies right over Brae's head while Soarin blushes a deep red at her. He looks over at Brae and winks at him. She rolls her eyes and hands the hotel door key to them.
"Here. Enjoy your stay. Your room number is 415," she tells them tiredly. They go into the elevator, right around the corner, and go up to the second floor. The hallway is carpeted with a strange flowery pattern. They go inside their room and Braeburn opens the curtains to look down at the city in amazement. Soarin comes up behind him and kisses his neck gently.
"We're all alone, Babe," he whispers in his ear, "Want to have some fun.?" Braeburn chuckles and starts to bite on the blue pony's ear gently. "That's the spirit, Brae," he moans," You want a little pony ride, cowboy?"
Brae whinnies a bit and tackles him onto the bed. "Does that give ya an answer?" He asks with a mischievous grin. Soarin looks up at him with a dark red blush on his cheeks as Braeburn sits on his lower stomach. He held onto the blue pony tightly and they made sweet love the rest of the night. Moaning could be heard down the hallways, from their hotel room.

You failed my son.

The blankets and sheets are scattered around the room. The two stallions laying on the naked mattress. The sunlight shining through the window, into the room. Soarin soon lifts his head slowly, off the pillow. He opens his green eyes to the brightness. He looks down at a Braeburn and pets his soft back. Braeburn begins to wake up a bit.

"Hmm..? Howdy, Soar," Braeburn chuckles with a tired smile.

"Are you ready to adopt a child?" Soarin asks him with a smile. Braeburn lifts his head up and nods. "Well, come on and put your best vest back on," he laughs. Braeburn rolls out of the bed and falls right onto the floor with a thud. Soarin chuckles loudly at him.

"Not funny, babe!" Braeburn grumps at him. Soarin is trying not to laugh again, and walks over to him. He helps him up with his arm. He looks over at Soar with a tiny chuckle. They get ready and check out of the hotel. Walking down the multiple streets of the city, they finally come across the orphanage and goes inside.

Mares, dressed in black nun outfits, stare at them in confusion. Braeburn and Soarin go up to the front counter. The matron charges up to them. She asks fiercely, "What exactly are you doing here?"

Braeburn becomes confused by her reaction and answers casually, "We are just here to adopt a kid. That's all." She stares at them longer. "I'm sorry but we can't serve your err.. Kind here, sir. Sorry."
"What in tarnation is that supposed to mean?" Braeburn becomes more frustrated. "By Equestria's law, we are not allowed to let homosexuals adopt," the matron replies to them with her pail face, cringing at them. Braeburn's eye twitches a bit in anger. Soarin looks at him and tries holding him back. "Babe, don't act up.!" He whispers to him as he is concerned, and he is bit mad about it too but tries to keep his cool.

Braeburn didn't listen to him, and got in her face. "Look here, ma'am! We could be amazing fathers for all you know and let me just tell you, we would take great care of that foal!" he starts yelling at her in a fit of rage. Soarin covers up his face with his hooves, in embarrassment. The matron just stares at him with a blank face. She screams, "SECURITY!" and two large white unicorn stallions come into the room. They grab them both, with magic, by the tail and drag them back to the front door. They both get tossed out of the building and crashing onto the ground.
"Ooh! I'll show them! They don't know who they're messin' with!" Braeburn rages. He tries charging back inside but Soarin grabs his tail, and pulls him back. He falls back to the stone ground and Soar goes up to him. He helps him up and holds him close. "Brae, I don't want us to get arrested for assault!" he tries giving him some common sense. He starts to calm down and holds onto his blue stallion.

"Sorry, Soar," Braeburn sighs and hangs his head low in disappointment. "I was jus' really hope'n," he groans in sorrow.
"Hey. Chin up, Brae. We have other options," Soarin comforts him, " We can try searching for a surrogate, babe.." Braeburn lifts his head up a bit and smiles at him. "That would be great, babe," Braeburn sniffles as if he were about to cry. A tear slowly runs down his cheek and hugs Soarin tightly.
"Ya think they're gonna let us have it.?" Braeburn asks, with sadness in his voice.
"Of course, babe. How could they not.?" Soarin gives him relief as he pets his back gently. Braeburn looks up at him and kisses his cheek. They go to walk around the city more in hope to find something.
They just kept wandering down the brick roads. The buildings are towering over them like giants.
Soarin notices a medical building and sees that it's an infertility treatment facility. "We may need to stay a little longer here than we expected.." Soar murmurs to himself. Braeburn looks over at him in confusion until he looked at the white building himself. "This is definitely gonna do it, Babe.!" Brae whispers excitedly.

Turning babies into glue

They go inside the building, stepping on white tiles and Braeburn sits on one of the seats as Soarin goes up to the front counter. The sound of elevator music seems to softly fill the room. He looks inside the office that's surrounded by glass except for a little screen door for the pony at the front counter but they seem to be absent.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Soarin tries calling for them, and finally he hears hoof steps coming down the hall. He sees a blue stallion hurries back to his desk. "So sorry, about the wait! How may I help you two?" he asks with a bit of nervousness. "Oh! We are wondering if we can hire a surrogate," Soar answers him with a small smile.
"Okay, let me show you a book of the surrogates we offer," the stallion kindly hands him a book of profiles of the mares they offer. He takes it to Braeburn and they sit together to look through the book. Braeburn smiles as he opens it. They go through the pages and see a mare that looks a lot like Braeburn except with wings and crystal blue eyes.
"Oh! She's perfect!" Braeburn happily says. Soarin looks at her and reads out her name , "Rain Dance huh?" The pony at the counter over hears him. "Oh? Rain Dance? She's a new one here actually! Hope you don't mind," he tells them with a smile.
"We don't mind! She's perfect!" Braeburn says in excitement. The stallion at the front counter goes in the back to get her. She excitedly comes out with her hooves hitting the tile, sounding like a stampede and shakes both of their hooves. "Hello, you two!" She greets them with a smile. They look at each other and smile.
"I already like her. I'm having a good feeling about this," Braeburn whispers to Soarin excitedly.
"I know, Babe!" Soarin whispers back to him, and loving how happy he is.
"So, who's going to be the main father exactly?" she giggles and Soarin answers with a chuckle, "That would be me!"

"Well, let's get to work then!" Rain excitedly tells him, "First you will need to fill this cup with your half." She hands him a small cup. He goes to a private room down the hall and does his business. Braeburn follows her into a room and Soarin comes in with the cup full of white, sticky liquid. The green unicorn doctor comes in and grabs the cup.

The doctor puts it all in a needle and spreads Rain's legs apart. He starts to inject into her vagina and she's only uncomfortable for a minute but then calms down. Soarin and Braeburn hold each other close in excitement, in hopes for their new baby.

"Babe, we are finally going to have a baby..!" Braeburn squeals in excitement.

Soarin smiles happily, watching at how overjoyed his husband is. He kisses his lips and nuzzles Brae's muzzle. "Aww.. Babe..," Braeburn chuckles and blushes. Soarin is given some papers and a pen from the doctor.
Soarin signs it first and fills out the forms. Braeburn watches him until he was given the papers to sign. He takes the pen and writes his name on the line. He hands them to the doctor and then goes back to squeezing the blue stallion. "Soarin, when did you move Appleloosa? I thought you lived in Cloudsdale" the doctor asks him with confusion.
"About five years ago. I live there now to make it easier for us to be together since we are husband and.. Well husband," Soarin laughs and smiles at Braeburn. The yellow pony nuzzles him. "That's right, partner!" He replies with a happy chuckle.
"You're still in the Wonderbolts, correct?" the doctor asks him with curiosity.
"Well of course, man!" Soarin replies with a chuckle. "So, how is this all going to exactly work really?" Soar asks him. "We will send messages to you on updates and even the due date. We will even tell you if it's a boy or a girl," the doctor answers them both. Braeburn gives out a joyful smile.

"I'm more impatient than a rattler about to pounce on a mouse! I can't wait, my blue bird!" Braeburn cheers and puts his hooves to his mouth to hold in his excitement. "Once the baby is born, you two will come to the hospital to pick him or her up," the doctor states. The couple look at each other grinning in excitement.

"Thanks, Doc, for all of this.!" Soarin tells him as they get up and leave the clinic in excitement. They go back home on the train and back to the farm. Half of the moon's light shining down them as they walk back to the farm house which had the porch lights on, attracting a couple of moths.

Soarin opens the door for him and Braeburn goes inside. "So how does a celebration pie sound, Soar?" Braeburn asks him with a bit of a chuckle. His wings pop up at the sound of that. "That sounds amazing, Brae!" he cheers as he trots into the house proudly.

Filler is for the weak

Months go by, and Braeburn is bucking at the trees in the hot sun. Sweat beads are dripping down his forehead as the apples rain from the branches. He's notices the mail pony coming towards the barn house. He trots over to him. "Howdy! What do we have today?" he greets him with a smile. The mail pony reaches into his bag and takes out a few envelopes. "Just a few things, Brae! Maybe some exciting news," He responds as he hands them over. Brae gasps and grabs them out of his hooves. He takes them inside quickly to look through them. He sits on the couch to look through them.
"Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill," he mutters to himself until he gasps as he gets to the clinic's result. He rips the envelope open. He starts to read it and his eyes widen. "It's a boy.!" he cheers and laughs in joy. He jumps up on the couch in joy, throwing the mail everywhere. The letters are flying all around in the living room.
"I need to tell him about this.!" he tells himself and looks over at the clock. It's four o'clock in the afternoon. He should be coming home very soon from practice. He hears a jet like sound from outside and he immediately runs outside. Soarin lands quickly and stably. "Hey, look! I didn't crash into you this time!" he laughs and Brae comes over to him quickly.
"It's a boy, Soar! It's a boy!" Braeburn cheers and tackle-hugs him while chuckling. "Oomph! We're having boy?" Soarin questions in shock as he collapses to the ground with him on top. "Well, that's awesome news!" he responds with happiness in his voice. Braeburn neighs in joy and jumps off of him. "You gotta help me with the crib, Soar! It's gonna be made of pure Apple wood!" he laughs in excitement.

"Okay! Okay! I'll help with making it!" Soarin laughs and goes in to the barn with Braeburn. Their hooves feel the hay on the ground. Brae grabs a saw that requires two ponies to cut. He takes the saw down from the wall and they go out to the orchard. They go to one of the older trees and jab the saw into the trunk.
Braeburn and Soarin start to pull back and forth to saw the tree. They keep going until the trunk gets thin enough to timber. They both walk back as the tree falls down to the ground. They saw off the tree top and carry it, together, back to the barn with the saw.
As hours pass, they create the rocking crib. Brae burn starts painting apples and clouds on the crib. Soarin grabs a paintbrush and helps him paint it. He paints both of their cutiemarks on the inside of the crib, where it would be right above the baby's head. Braeburn smiles at Soarin, adoring the design he gave the adorable furniture.
Braeburn wraps an arm around Soarin. "Should I get started on his blanket?" Brae asks him with a warm smile.
"We still have many months to go, Babe," Soarin laughs and puts a sheet over the crib. "Help me take this into the farm house!" Braeburn takes the crib and puts it on Soar's back. They walk into the house with the crib and go upstairs to the empty, new bedroom. He sets it down in the room. Braeburn steps inside the room, behind him. "We will need to be painting the walls too won't we?" Brae laughs and goes up to the pegasus.
Soarin looks over at him and tells him with a little chuckle, "I'll get the paint." He flies back to the barn. Braeburn waits for him as he admires the crib and then pokes it with his hoof to rock it a bit. He starts to daydream and a smile grows on his face.
Soarin comes back with the paint and puts it down by the yellow stallion. Braeburn picks up one of the paintbrushes that is dripping with sky blue paint. He starts to spread the color on the walls of the nursery. "Need any help, Brae?" Soarin asks with a little laugh.
"That would be quite nice right now, Soar!" Braeburn laughs as an answer and Soarin goes to pick up one of the paintbrushes covered in blue. He goes to help with the walls.
Hours go by. The sun sets down creating the orange clouds in the sky. They look back at their work on the room. The blue painted nursery, with white fluffy clouds on the wall, and the decorated crib in the room. "Oh sweet Celestia.. I can't wait," Braeburn mutters to himself and smiles at Soarin. He looks back at him and grins. "You do know this is going to change our lives forever, man?" Soarin asks with a chuckle. "Oh! I know, babe, but we are going to be great dads though," Braeburn answers with a laugh, "Don't you worry about it."
Soarin smiles and starts to pop one wing up. "Random question, do you remember how we met?" He teasingly asks.
"Oh I remember. Ya used to be a jock from the Cloudsdale High School and I was the poor farm colt. Ya always pestered me, I swear," Braeburn laughs a bit.
"That's right! Remember our first date though?" he asks him with a mischievous grin coming onto his face.
"You mean that night that we were buck'n uglies under the moonlight until my ma found us? How could I forget, babe?" Braeburn snickers and gets closer to him. He blushes heavily as he gets his body wrapped in Soar's soft blue feathers. "We have gone a far way haven't we, babe?" Soarin asks as he nuzzles his fluffy yellow neck. Braeburn nods and kisses his lips. They both blush and the farm pony reaches over his head. He nibbles his ear a bit.
Soarin chuckles and takes him to the bedroom. "Let's get some rest, babe.," Soar yawns exhaustingly. Braeburn keeps trying to excite him. "Not even just a little nibble, my blue bird.?" Brae asks him in a girly tone. Soarin nuzzles him and takes him to bed. "Not tonight, babe. That really ran down my energy.!" he chuckles tiredly. "Well, alright, babe.. Maybe tomorrow.?" Braeburn asks as he pets his cheek. "We can do it tomorrow definitely, babe," he answers him with a kiss. Soar rolls over and falls asleep. Soon, Braeburn did the same but fell asleep with a smile.

My Meth Lab is Burning

Soarin goes back to the farm house quickly. He bursts through the front door. "BRAEBURN!! BRAEBURN!!" Soarin yells for his husband in excitement. Braeburn trots downstairs quickly as if it were an emergency. "Huh?! What's goin' on?!" Brae questions, terrified. He goes up to him quickly.
"Someone gave me an awesome idea!" Soarin cheers as he runs over and hugs Braeburn tightly. "We have to go to Ponyville though!" he tells the yellow stallion. Brae looks confused and just stares at him.
"What in tarnation are ya talk'n about?" Braeburn asks him with a bit of confusion. Soarin takes his hoof. "You have to listen to me, Babe! Twilight probably has a spell to help us.!" he laughs in happiness.
"Woah! Woah! Woah! We can't just ask the princess to give us a kid!" Braeburn backs up in shock.
"Well, we can always try!" Soarin tries to persuade him. "Trust me. It will be okay, Brae. I know what I'm doing.." he squeezes his hoof and smiles at him.
Braeburn looks at him and sighs, "Okay, we can try but if we get kicked out, it's your fault!" Soarin laughs, "It's a deal, Babe."
Soarin rushes him back to the train station and they get on the train again but this time to Ponyville. They sit in one of the booths. "I swear if this gets weird, I am going to.. Actually I don't know what I'm going to do," Braeburn laughs. "Calm down. I'm pretty sure it won't be that bad," Soarin chuckles. He kisses the tells stallion.

They finally get to Ponyville and walk through the town. They spot the crystal, tree-like castle and trot over to the building. "I really can't believe we are doing this.!" Braeburn says to Soarin. "Hey! Just chill. I'll take over on what to say," Soarin knocks on the front door.
The doors open a bit and the first thing they see is a small purple dragon, holding a stack of books. "Hello?" Spike asks in confusion. "We would like to speak to the princess, please," Soarin smiles. "She's a bit busy but I'll let you in. Follow me," he leads them to Twilight.
"Oh! Hello, Soarin and Braeburn! How can I help you?" Twilight asks as she puts a book mark in the story she was reading. "Braeburn and I have been trying to have a kid," Soarin answers and Brae slaps his hoof to his face in embarrassment. Twilight stares at him. "Just a minute. I will be back!" she tells them and goes to her book shelves. She looks through it until she found something.
She takes the book down and looks through the book. "Huh.. There isn't a spell or anything for it but there is a procedure for it," Twilight tells him. They look at themselves in confusion. "Who's home most of the time?" she asks and Brae raises his hoof.
Twilight starts to grab strange ingredients and put it in a pot over the fire. A few minutes later, she takes a large spoon and scoops out a strange, slimy sack. The stallions become more disturbed and step back. She sets it on a table and seriously asks, "May I ask for you two to do me a favor?" She hands them cups. They take them and go to a bathroom.
They come back with their filled cups and Twilight takes them with her magic. She starts to put Soarin's into the sack first. She uses Braeburn's and puts it under a microscope. She does some work on the cells and turns them into white, odd shaped egg cells. She takes them and puts it all in the sack with Soarin's juice. They look at each other as she turns around, closing the sack so it doesn't break open.

"There! This should do the trick!" she says, "Now all we have to do is put this in your body, Braeburn."
Braeburn looks at her shocked, knowing what she was trying to do. "Oooh no.! I know what you two are thinking!" Brae freaks out and Soarin laughs. "Babe, I promise you'll be okay. This is probably our only chance.!" Soar tells him and he nods at the statement. Twilight uses her magic to take Braeburn, and fuse the sack and him together. He collapses to the ground.
Braeburn gets back on his hooves, feeling dizzy. "I feel.. Really weird..!" he laughs. Soarin looks down between his flanks with huge eyes in shock. "Dude.. You have a vagina..," he stutters.
"I have a what now?" Braeburn questions in extreme shock. He reaches back there with one hoof and feels it. "Oh sweet Celestia..," he mutters, "What in the hay did I get myself into.? Please, tell me this is at least temporary!"
"Well, yes it is. It should heal over time after the baby is born," Twilight smiles and goes back to her studies.
"Wait! What?!" Braeburn panics, "I am a stallion, Princess! I am not built to carry a foal! Are you crazy?!" Soarin starts to laugh at his freak out.
"That's why I will be asking you to ,please, please, please, send a report every once or twice a week on your development," Twilight tells him with some concern, "Who knows what could go wrong? This process hasn't been done in so many years!"
"What?! What do you mean?!" he panics more, as Soarin laughs harder. "This isn't funny, Soar!" he yells loudly.
"I'm just happy I'm not the one going through this!" Soarin laughs harder. Braeburn starts to turn red in anger, really wanting to punch him but he holds himself back, and then calms down. "I just really hope the author isn't righting this as some horrible fetish or something!" Braeburn yells a bit. Soarin looks at him, confused, "That's a fetish?"

filet migngay

"Yeah, sadly it is," Braeburn answers with a pouty face. "Wow.. That's sad. What sick bucks. By the way, thank you, Twilight!" Soarin says as they walk out of the castle. They try to head back to the train station until Brae notices Applejack working at an apple booth. He ducks his head, folding his ears back, and tries to hide in the crowd.
"Well, if it isn't my good cousin, Braeburn!" she greets happily as she trots over, "What're you do'n here, cuz? You do remember that the family reunion is in April, right?" She laughs and he stands there in realization. "Oh! Yeah! That-That sounds great, Applejack!" he stutters, "Sorry, I completely forgot!" He chuckles nervously as he rubs the back of his head. He starts thinking, "Oh sweaty Celestia.. That's eight months from now..!"
"You all right? You seem to be acting odd.. Are ya sick or something?" she asks him with concern. Braeburn laughs a bit in anxiousness.
"Well, ya could say that I guess. I-I gotta go!" Braeburn yells as he starts running to the station before she could say anymore. Soarin follows him. Applejack feels that he's guilty about something and then shrugs it off for now. She goes back to selling her apples and apple products.
They get on the train quickly with Braeburn becoming a nervous wreck. "What was the for, Brae?" Soarin asks with an a somewhat angered look. "I can't tell her about this!" Braeburn tells him in a sense of panic, "I'll be the laughing stalk of the family!"
They sit in the seat in the back of the train car. "Look. You have to calm down. Once we get home, everything will be okay. Plus, who cares what they think?" Soarin tries to comfort him and tries to wrap a wing around him. Brae smiles and scoots closer towards him. They hold each other closely.
Soarin nuzzles him which relaxes the not-so-panicked-anymore pony a bit more. They both let out a calm sigh. "Well, are you at least excited about having a kid made up of you and me?" he asks proudly and Braeburn replies with a small nod. "Yeah but don't know how I'll be handling it if it's a pegasus! They'll be everywhere when they start flying!" he laughs a bit.
"You know, you'll always be my apple pie," Soarin snickers as he leans his head gently into Braeburn's neck. He looks at him and chuckles. "Soarin, please," he laughs. "Stop laying on the pregnant stallion," Brae laughs. All the ponies try not to stare, once he said that. They don't notice it but have a good feeling that the ponies are judging them.
They chuckle to each other and the train goes to halt. They get off and go home to the old farmhouse. They start going upstairs to finally get some rest. "Maybe a little celebration would help you- Eheheh.. Take some stress off your mind, baby," Soarin flirts to him as he bends over in front of him with a dirty grin.
"Wait.. I get to be on top this time?" Braeburn asks with a smile of excitement growing on his face. Soarin nods with a deep blush. He squeals and his member starts to become erected. He tries to hop onto his lover, prodding his tight anus with his hard cock.
"Don't hesitate, man! Just shove it in there!" Soarin laughs until he realized something. "Wait! Brae! You're going in dr-!!"
He shoves his erection into his ass and moans. Soarin grunts and is about to tear up due to the pain. He tries thrusting but it's quite difficult to smoothly to do so. He tries harder and the bottom stallion throws out a couple screams as his insides were being penetrated by the rock-hard member. He keeps going, not paying attention to what pain he is in. He whimpers more until he finally yells in pain, "Stop! It bucking hurts, you jackass!"
Soarin is fuming with anger and Braeburn quickly pulls out. "You forgot to get the lube, Brae.!" he pants.
"Oh! Heh. Sorry, my blue bird," Braeburn chuckles nervously, knowing he'll get his revenge sooner or later.
"Let's just skip it for tonight, babe," Soarin sighs as he casually gets on the mattress, so does the farm pony. They just lay there, looking towards each other, and fall asleep.

Author's Note

This is a shitfic and I regret nothing

I'm typing this while getting robbed.

In the middle of the night, the feeling of nausea gets to the poor yellow stallion. He tries to shrug it off but it starts to get worse as he tossed and turned in his bed. Soarin, slowly waking, barely awake, is disturbed by his movement. "Babe? Are you feeling okay..?" he yawns and puts his hoof on his shoulder, to get his attention.
"I feel like I'm gonna puke.!" Braeburn gags and gets out of bed. He hurried to the bathroom, holding his mouth. He looks down at the water in the toilet and feels the thick, acidic chunks coming up through his throat. He starts coughing and pukes into the bowl as his hairs stand up. Soarin walks in with concern. He starts to gently rub his back as he vomits.
"You're going to be okay, Babe," Soarin tries comforting him but Braeburn jerks his head back and looks at him angrily. He pauses for a moment, staring at him. "Soarin, I just threw up!" he yells.

"It can't be that bad, man," Soarin laughs as Braeburn goes to clean his mouth out at the sink. He tries ignoring the blue stallion but couldn't help himself. "What the hay is that supposed to mean?" he asks with a small whinny. He folds his ears back.
Soarin laughs, "What I mean is that pregnancy can't be THAT bad, man! You've been pregnant for like a day or something." Braeburn looks at him with rage in his eyes.
"You did not just say that, Soar," Braeburn mutters and starts scraping his hoof against the ground like an angered bull. "Wait a minute! I didn't mean it as an insult you, Brae.!" Soarin starts stepping back, with his wings about stretch out just in case if he charges.
Braeburn starts running and tries tackling him but the blue stallion flies a short distance away as he falls onto the rug, in the upstairs hallway. "You're really angry aren't you, babe?" he starts laughing a little.
Braeburn growls at him and starts staring at him, showing his teeth. Soarin goes down to him. "Are you going to calm down?" he asks in a relaxed voice.
Braeburn becomes more tense and quickly bites his arm deeply. Soarin starts screaming, trying to get him off his arm but he's still holding on. He tries using his back hooves to try and kick him off.

Braeburn finally lets go and falls to the ground. Soarin flies down to him and helps him up. "That bucking hurt, Brae.!" he tells him. Brae seems to be much more calmed down after doing that. "Sorry, about that. I jus' feel like doin' that," he tells him.
Soarin looks over at him with wide eyes. "Babe, what the buck.," he mutters, terrified of him. "Only if the writer of this piece of shit writing would please stop writing this," Braeburn tells him.
"Shhh! Don't say that! If you say that again, she will probably kill one of us off!" Soarin yells at him. They hold each other closely in fear. "We really don't get paid enough for this crap fanfiction. Just act normal like we actually like each other..," Brae whispers to him and they start kissing each other.

Braeburn slips his tongue into Soarin's mouth and play with his. Soarin strokes the back of Braeburn's head while wrapping his slimy muscle around his. They both blush heavily. "Do you think we're good?" Braeburn asks him, terrified and scared.
"I can't tell.. I just want to get to the end of this story so I can get my paycheck, Babe," Soarin whispers back, holding him close. They both cringe at each other in hopes that this fanfiction is almost over but sadly it's not.

Twelve types of anal cancer all in one chapter!

A month rolls by, they hear the Windows XP tune loudly, outside of their house. Braeburn wakes up with bloodshot eyes. "Soarin.. Did-Did you hear that.?" he asks, panicking. The blue stallion looks up at him. "I really hope that wasn't the fucking author of this," Soarin groans.
They both look outside the window and sees the Windows computer background of a green field with blue sky. "Celestia, help us all.. She's back," Braeburn mutters as he stares out the window. Soarin holds him close in terror. They see a mouse cursor move around them.
They start trembling in fear as they watch it. It finally clicks on Braeburn. "Wh-What they hay are you doing?!" he panics. It drags him out of the house as he screams in fear. Soarin flies over and grabs his hooves, trying to pull him back.
The cursor jerks backwards, stretching Braeburn's body. The yellow pony yelps in pain, loudly. Soarin tries pulling harder and his hooves start to slip. He tries grabbing on tighter until he couldn't hold him any longer. He lets go on accident and shoots right back to the farmhouse.
"SOARIN!!" Braeburn screams as he gets dragged to an icon of a recycling bin. Soarin rubs his head and tries to fly back over to the cursor like a bullet. It drops the yellow pony right in, screeching. He flies to the bin, sits on the side of it.
The cursor comes up behind Soarin and shoves him in. He hears the computer shutting down as he sits in a pile of old files and papers. "Braeburn?" he calls for him as he treads through the junkyard. "Braeburn!" he calls once more in fear. The sound of paper crinkling under his hooves echo through the quiet world of darkness. He looks upwards, noticing there's a small hole of light.

Soarin, panting heavily, keeps moving through the thick piles until he notices an unconscious, yellow stallion. "B-Braeburn.?" he whispers as he grabs his shoulder gently, with tears in his eyes, "Is that you, Babe.?" He turns him over, Braeburn's body is bruised, has no reaction but still breathing.
"Oh god.. What did she do to you.?" he whimpers, trembling. He tries to pick him up carefully. "We are going to get out of here, one way or another.!" he tells him quietly, as if he were awake. He looks back up, the hole is still open but he could see that the computer was still shutting down.
He holds him tightly and flies towards the hole with all the speed he can gain. He notices both his and Braeburn's back hooves start to disintegrate into thin air, slowly. He zooms out of the bin and land on the bottom of the screen. They both start to grow their back legs again. Soarin, panting heavily, smiles at Braeburn in happiness. "Babe! We made it out.!" he laughs hysterically and crying at the same time. He hugs Brae tightly.
Braeburn starts to wake up slowly. He holds his stomach. "We're alive..?" he pants. He grabs onto Soarin tightly and smiles. "Oh, sweet Celestia! We made it!" he starts laughing as well. "We need to get rid of this writer before she tortures any pony else!" he yells at the blue stallion.
"But.. How.?" Soarin asks him quietly.

Your Mother was a Hamster and Your Father Smelt of Elderberries

The final month rolled around the corner. It's five in the morning, and Braeburn is quickly packing diapers and other baby products. "Babe, calm down! You need to chill! He probably isn't even out yet!" Soarin tries to calm him down as Brae shoves items into a bag. "You never know, babe.! He's probably here or could be any minute.!" Braeburn panics and looks over at him. "Go to the nursery to see if we missed anything!" the yellow pony demands.
Soarin goes into the baby's room and looks around. The room decorated with sky colored walls and clouds, toys, furniture painted blue, and the homemade cradle. He goes through the drawers, looking for anything they need before they go. "I think we got everything we needed!" Soarin yells, since Brae is in the other bedroom. "Good! We need to get going!" Braeburn freaks out and grabs his bag.

He starts to gallop down the stairs and then trips over his own hooves. He falls down the stairs and then landing right on his stomach. "Brae! Are you okay?" Soarin worries as he quickly flies down to him. He helps him up and takes the bag for him. "Yeah, I'm all right. Thank you," Brae chuckles, rubbing his head with his hoof. Soarin laughs a bit and opens the front door for Braeburn. They go outside and to the train station. They get their tickets and get on the train.

They finally get to Canterlot and run to the hospital with the bag. They burst through the double doors and past the waiting room, down the white, tile hallways. A nurse trots over and stops them. "Where in the world are you two going?" she asks in a strange Boston like accent, with a face of disbelief. "We are trying to find Rain Dance!" Soarin answered while panting. "Well, no need to rush.! Jeez! I can just take you to her.!" the nurse takes them to Rain's room.
"Are you ready, Babe.?" Soarin asks Brae and he nods with a smile. The yellow pony slowly opens the door and walks over to the bed. Rain Dance looks up at them with the small blue, winged foal with blue eyes and blond mane. The small colt yawns and they both smile. "Oh.. He's beautiful.!" Braeburn awes over him, with a gentle voice, as he looks down at him, wrapped in a small blue blanket. Soarin pus down the bag, reaches down to him and picks him up slowly. He sits in a chair by the bed and holds him close. "So when should we take him home.?" Brae asks. The mother pauses when she hears those words. "To be honest.. I wanted to keep him," she replies nervously and they both look over at her.
"What do you mean?" Soarin asks with a confused look.
"I don't want to give him up," Rain says with a bit of anger.
"We don't want to give him up either.!" Soarin becomes frustrated with her.
"I have been carrying him and I want to keep him!" she starts to choke up.
"We have been trying so hard to have a kid you don't know what stress we have been going through!" he starts to yell and Braeburn flinches in fear.
"I have bonded so close to that child! You don't know what it's like having to give up your own flesh and blood!" she starts to yell. They both fight and Braeburn starts to whimper. They both pause for a bit and Soarin looks over to Brae.
As Soarin was about to say something, Braeburn interrupts with a voice of defeat, " You can keep him.." He takes the baby from his husband's arms and gives the colt back to her. He walks out of the hospital room. "Brae..?" Soar worries about him and tries to catch up with him.
"Babe, are you okay?" Soarin asks as he watches his lover slowly break down. Braeburn puts covers his face slowly with his hooves. He starts quietly sob. Tears stinging his skin. Soarin gasps a bit and holds him close as a tiny puddle of salt water forms on the tile ground. Soar tells him with a soft voice, "I can get him back.."
"No.. I-It's fine, babe. We were never meant to be parents..," Braeburn mutters with tears dripping down his cheeks. "Don't say that.. We have worked so hard to get ready for this child..," he tries to comfort him but Brae just replies with, "Let's just go home.."
Soarin sighs and nods. He goes back in to grab his bag but then takes all the stuff out of it for her. "Good luck, Rain," he sighs as he take the empty bag and walks out. They walk out of the hospital and go home. Braeburn walks up the stairs, walks to the right, down to the nursery. Soarin follows him but sees he's just sitting in the middle of the room. Soar just stands at the doorway and folds his ears down in sorrow.

"Babe, please.," Soarin says to him as he walks over to him, trying to calm him down. Braeburn just sits there in hopelessness. He tries to wrap a wing around him but Brae pushes him away gently, still staring around at the room. He becomes more worried about him.
"Brae.. Please, answer me.!" Soarin cries for him and he's still silent. Brae slumps his head down and whimpers. Soarin tries to get him to stand. "Let me take you to bed at least..," Soar begs him and successfully takes him to the bedroom. Brae flops onto the bed and freezes except for his breathing.
"Just rest, babe..," Soarin whispers to him, trying to be comforting.

Is Satan gay?

The next day, Soarin wakes up noticing that it's six in the morning. He slowly gets up, stretching his wings and rolls out of bed. He stretches his legs and goes to take a shower. He couldn't stop thinking about what pain Braeburn was going through. He scrubs his mane and cleans his body. He steps out and puts a towel around himself. He sighs and gets ready for the day.

He slips into his Wonderbolt suit and zips it up. He goes up to his sleeping stallion. "I'll be back later, Brae," he kisses his cheek, "Just rest for the day.. I love you." He goes out of the house and starts to fly towards the Wonderbolt headquarters.
Spitfire flies over to him. "Hey, Soar! Ya ready for rehearsal for our routine?" she asked with a bit of a laugh.
"Huh? Oh, yeah I'm ready..," he answers glumly.
"Soarin, are you feeling all right? You seem down today," Spitfire questions his seemingly odd attitude.
Soarin gulps and answers, "Yeah, I'm fine.. Let's just practice, and I'll be okay." He stretches out his wings and gets in formation with the others. Throughout the routine, he seems slower, and keeps getting stuck in clouds until Spitfire stops in the middle of practice.
"Soarin, meet me in my office, now. We need to talk," she orders him, and flies into the headquarters with Soarin following her.
He goes inside her office. "Soarin, seriously, what's going on? You haven't been this bad at flying since you first started.!" She states with frustration and questions him. He sighs, "It's just been stressful."
"Well, I've heard that being a new parent is quite stressful for most ponies," she assumes.
"It's not that. We didn't even get to keep the baby," Soarin groans and Spitfire looks at him, confused.
"Oh buck.. I'm so sorry about that, Soar," she apologizes to him and pats his back. "How did this happen.?" she asks him and he doesn't want to talk about it. He looks away. "I don't want to say it but all I wish there was another way..," Soarin mutters.
He walks out of the office, and notices Rainbow Dash is right outside of the office, listening. Soarin gets extremely anxious once he saw her. "Hey, Soarin. Heard you needed help," Rainbow tells him. He stares at her. "You overheard me?" he asks, feeling like his privacy was violated. "Yeah, uh.. Sorry, about that but I know an egghead that could help," she laughs.
She starts to tell him about a powerful alicorn named Twilight Sparkle that could help them finally have the family they've always wanted. Soarin's eyes widen and smiles brightly as he listens. "Thank you! Thank you so much!" he hugs her tightly and zooms home.
"Are you just going to let him go?" Rainbow Dash asks.
"Eh, yeah, only this time though," Spitfire laughs.