All the Things We're Afraid Of
Chicken!
by Ceffyl Dwr
Starlight Glimmer licked her wounded foreleg as she glared at the eight pairs of eyes on the other side of the coop. Ungrateful sacks of feathers, the lot of them—how in Equestria did Fluttershy put up with this bucking nonsense every day?
“I’m trying to help you,” she hissed at them, releasing the magical hold she had on the hammer. “You understand that? H—E—L—P! You want to stay living in a broken coop forever?”
The largest chicken puffed out her chest and unleashed a ferocious squawk which tore through the still evening air. Behind her, the other chickens shifted their stance, aggressively dragging their clawed feet across the ground beneath them. They had the look of a flock about to charge, and Starlight wasn’t going to make the mistake of dismissing it as a bluff again.
“Okay, okay! Suit yourselves.” She held up a hoof and backed slowly out of the coop, the small basket of eggs hovering beside her. “Tartarus, what’s happened to you all? We used to get along so well!”
The chickens charged at her, and Starlight barely managed to secure the warped door of the coop in time. They slammed ferociously against the wire mesh, hissing and squawking at her, and Starlight took an instinctive step back, trying to get her breathing back under control. “Ha-hah!” she gasped, brandishing the basket at the chickens. Fixing the coop had been a failure, but she could still at least surprise Fluttershy by doing at least one of the pegasus’s many chores.
Something wet splashed against her muzzle, and she looked up as the brooding clouds that had been threatening all day finally opened. Within seconds, the tiny droplets had become a thin film of drizzle that frothed against the trees and bubbled in the dry earth. By the time Starlight had reached Fluttershy’s front door the air was thick with the fragrance of damp flowers and herbs. She paused in the open doorway, inhaling so deeply that her lungs shook and her head grew dizzy. There was always a magic about the places and things Fluttershy touched—a potent mix that always threatened to overwhelm her senses if she thought about it for too long.
Starlight loved thinking about it for too long.
The pegasus was still busily tidying up inside, and Starlight placed the basket down beside a chair as she watched her work. She was so amazing; even when tiredness was clearly weighing down her limbs, Fluttershy looked radiant. A cheerful tune filled the air as she skipped gracefully across the carpet, collecting tiny trays of seed and water from the floor and placing them in the kitchen.
“Want me to do anything?” Starlight asked, looking around. Fluttershy had lit a few candles, and the room was suffused with a warm, hazy glow. Starlight could just about make out the shapes of animals dozing in their birdhouses and mouse holes, and that desperate yearning again prickled her skin. She shook her head to clear the nagging doubts away. “That bookshelf looks a little wonky... Want me to fix it for you?”
“No, that’s okay.” A shadow briefly flickered on Fluttershy’s face as she smiled, though Starlight wasn’t entirely sure it had been cast by the candle. “The dormice quite like it that way, and I think it adds character.”
“Sure.” Starlight attempted to work the frown off her features as she looked up at the clock. “Hey, we’ve got a few more hours before I need to head back to the castle, right? Do you fancy going out? I saw Trixie, Lyra and Bon Bon earlier; they said they were going to be heading to the Broken Plough for a few.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy’s lashes twitched, her body compacting the way it always did when she was being apologetically assertive. “That does sound lovely, but would you mind if we, um, stayed in tonight? The South Everfree Avian Choir practice session this afternoon took much longer than usual, and I’m exhausted. Poor Toby is trying ever so hard you know, but I just don’t think he’s alto material—” She noticed Starlight’s expression and trotted across. “I’m sorry that I’m so tired these days," she added, rubbing her cheek against Starlight’s. "You can go out if you want; I don’t want to stop you seeing our friends.”
“No, it’s fine.” Starlight pulled a smile to her lips. It only ever took a few moments of reflection for the frustration to pass, and—as always—when it did her admiration of Fluttershy was even stronger. Honestly, she didn’t know how she managed to fit so much into her day and still have time for all the animals living in her cottage. Fluttershy’s commitment to her unique family was one of the most wonderful things about her as far as Starlight was concerned.
“After the day I’ve had, a peaceful evening is probably the best thing for me,” she continued, pressing her barrel against that of her marefriend. She nestled her muzzle within the soft pink swirls of Fluttershy’s mane and inhaled. “Mmm, posies. You smell amazing!”
A light flush broke across Fluttershy’s canary-coloured cheeks. “Well, I know you like them,” she said softly, running a hoof between the flowers nestled in her mane. “It’s also nice on days like today to feel like a part of me is still fresh at the end of it.” A twinkling laugh escaped her lips. “I guess using flowers is cheating though.”
“Perhaps, but your smile isn’t.” Starlight planted a kiss at the base of Fluttershy’s ear. “I love that there’s always one on your face.”
Fluttershy purred at the contact, her wings trembling. “It’s easy when you love what you do—” She pulled her head back suddenly, her eyes wide. “Goodness! I just realised what you said. Have you had a bad day?”
Starlight shook her head. “More an exhausting one. I’m definitely enjoying the friendship lessons. The endless reams of paperwork?—” she pulled a face “—The less said about that the better.”
Fluttershy raised one of her delicate hooves to her mouth as she giggled, before brushing her lips softly against Starlight’s. “I’m just going to make sure everyone’s tucked in then, and then we can relax.”
“Want me to—?”
“It’s okay, thank you.” Though her smile was bright, the shadow of something appeared in Fluttershy’s eyes. “It won’t take me a moment. Don’t forget I’m picking the book this time,” she added in a sing-song voice.
Starlight watched the pegasus as she crept up to each tiny home, making soothing sounds as she checked the animals inside were nestled within their blankets and natural bedding. The sight stirred up conflicting emotions inside of her: a desperate, passionate love for all that Fluttershy was, but also concern. Fear.
Her foreleg twinged, and she lifted it up to examine it.
“Your chickens still hate me, by the way,” she said, climbing onto the soft green couch.
There was a short pause before Fluttershy looked over, her eyes twinkling in the low light. “Oh dear, I hope that haven’t been spitting seeds at you again,” she replied quietly. “I’ll have another word with them tomorrow.” Her throat bobbed quickly. “Hetty and the others just need time, that’s all.”
“And yet they never used to.” Starlight sighed. “Honestly, Fluttershy, I don’t know why so many of your animal friends suddenly have a problem with me.” She ran a hoof through her mane, checking for any seeds still caught between the strands of purple and lilac. “I even tried to fix Hetty’s coop just now, and they all attacked me!”
There was a pained expression on Fluttershy’s face as she trotted over to the bookshelf. “Something light and fluffy then?” She brushed her mane from her eyes as she looked at the lower shelf. “I’ll speak to the girls tomorrow, I promise. That was very naughty of them.”
She pulled a book from the shelf with her mouth, and carried it over to the couch. “It was so lovely of you to try and fix the coop though,” she said, dropping the book between them and kissing Starlight on the cheek. “I’m so sorry, but I forget to say that I’m taking it apart tomorrow anyway. Hetty and the others have outgrown it.”
Starlight stretched out her forelegs. Tartarus, helping Twilight with all those conference notes had really done a number on her. “Do you want a hoof with it? I could come round early and—”
“It’s okay, thank you.” Fluttershy buried her face in Starlight’s mane. “The chickens and sparrows wanted to have a feathered friends building-date with me.”
“Oh... Well okay.” Starlight fidgeted, a hollow sensation creeping into her stomach. “So… Guess that rules me out helping you, huh?”
“Oh, please don’t sound sad,” Fluttershy replied softly. She ran a hoof across Starlight’s chest. “I would love for you to help us, but the critters are all still feeling sensitive about you. About this.”
Starlight placed her hoof on top of Fluttershy’s, just to give the trembling limb something to do. “Can I at least take Angel out of your mane for the morning then? Or is he still feeling sensitive about me too?”
She felt Fluttershy’s wing tremble against her body. “Um... A little.”
“Oh come on!” Starlight threw her hooves in the air. “What’s wrong with me? First I had Harry the bear chase me out of the forest, then that chipmunk family living in your roof started hiding my things whenever I come round, and now this.” She heard the desperate scratch of her voice echo in the still air of the cottage. “Why don’t they like me anymore?”
“Ssh!” Fluttershy lifted a hoof to her lips, glancing around the room. She gently rubbed Starlight’s hind leg. “You know it’s a difficult time for them. Please don’t take it… personally.”
“I’m trying but…” Starlight shook her head, her lungs feeling tight. Why was it so difficult for her to see how important this was?
Fluttershy shuffled awkwardly, her eyes moving to anything that wasn’t Starlight. “They’re just worried you’re going to take me away from them,” she whispered. “I know it’s really really frustrating for you, but you must be able to see where they’re coming from?”
Starlight felt her throat tighten. The memory of Sunburst returned—of him being carried away after gaining his cutie mark—and with it came all of those horrible sensations of emptiness and loss.
“I—I…” she clenched her jaw until it began to ache, pulling her gaze to the window. The rain was now throwing itself against the glass, thin rivers bleeding into one another as they descended. She tried to speak again, tried to tell Fluttershy that of course she understood—how could she not?—but her mouth refused to open. Suddenly it was Fluttershy being carried away, held aloft in the arms and paws and claws of her animal friends, leaving Starlight alone.
It wasn’t fair.
She looked at Fluttershy—at those shimmering blue eyes that felt like the warmest place in Equestria. “I think I’m going to...”
The colour drained from Fluttershy’s face. “Starlight! Are you okay?”
It just wasn’t fair.
Starlight squeezed her eyes shut. The terrible hollowness pushed and stretched out within her. She was going to be left alone again, wasn’t she? She was going to be left alone, and without a family of her own.
No.
She opened her eyes. This was not going to happen again—she wasn’t going to allow it.
“I need to speak to Harry,” she declared, leaping from the couch. “And the others; I’m going to sort this out once and for all.”
“What?” Fluttershy was off the couch in an instant, the book falling as she moved. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m going to get to the bottom of this and find out exactly what I need to do for them all to start liking me again!”
“B—But they do like you!” Fluttershy’s chest was rising and falling rapidly, her eyes wide. “I just told you... Please, you just need to give them some space.”
“But they were fine when we started dating,” Starlight retorted. “It’s only recently that something’s changed.” Her throat was dry, but she pushed the words out. “I love you, Fluttershy—I love you and I love your whole fuzzy family. I—I need to know what I have to do to be a part of it again.”
“Okay, okay!” Fluttershy looked panic-stricken, her eyes moving from the bird boxes to the front door. “But… But it’s wet out there; you’ll get a terrible cold. Please… just stay here for now and read with me? Or—or why don’t I just get ready and we can go out with Trixie and the others.”
Starlight frowned, uncertainty twisting her stomach. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing!” Fluttershy swallowed, dropping her gaze to the floor. Her cheeks burned a bright red.
“Okay…” Starlight waited a few seconds, before opening the door. “I’ll see you in a bit then.”
“Please, don’t go—”
“I have to”
“But—oh dear. Please, Starlight, I’m asking you—“
Starlight sighed in frustration. “Look, Fluttershy, I—”
“Ooh!” Fluttershy stamped her hoof lightly on the floor, her eyes wild. “Harry thinks that you think his poetry has no literary merit!”
Starlight blinked, her hoof still on the door. For a moment, the sound of the rain falling was drowned out by the blood pumping in her ears. “I, uh... What?”
Fluttershy’s body relaxed, as though a great weight had fallen from her. “The chipmunk family believe that you have eyes for their rooftop space," she continued. "And Angel doesn’t like the fact that you think that only culinary philistines like carrots.”
Slowly, Starlight closed the door. She tried to think of something else to do or say, but came up completely blank. Except for—
“And the chickens?”
Fluttershy’s throat bobbed quickly. “Um… They think that you’re the Phantom Egg-Knapper.”
Despite herself, Starlight laughed. “I’m sorry, the Phantom what?”
“It’s a really big deal for them,” Fluttershy replied defensively. “Every chicken knows the story of the strange shadowy creature who spirits away eggs at night.” A shiver ran across her body, as though she had scared herself with the tale. “Mostly I just use it as an explanation for when I collect their eggs when they’re asleep.”
Starlight sat down. Honestly, she hadn't known what to expect, but it definitely wasn't this. “But… I—” she shook her head “—Where would they have even got those ideas from? I’ve never even heard Harry’s poetry.” She saw Fluttershy’s expression change, and a chill spread across her stomach.
“You?”
Fluttershy flinched. “Oh dear.”
“Why would you even do something like that?” Starlight cried. “How could you?”
“But I had to, Starlight, I just had to!” Fluttershy looked up, her eyes hard. “You were moving too fast! I had no choice.”
“You could have—” Starlight frowned. “Wait, I’m moving too fast?”
Fluttershy nodded. With a sigh she sat down on the floor beside Starlight.
Starlight shook her head before looking at her marefriend. Her whole body felt numb. “I… I thought you were happy.”
“I was—I am,” Fluttershy rested her head against Starlight’s. “I happen to think you’re the most wonderful pony who’s ever come into my life. But I was just so scared.”
“Of what?” Starlight heard her voice shake.
Fluttershy’s face crumpled into a frown. “Oh, you’re going to think I’m being a silly filly.”
“Try me.” Starlight exhaled slowly, trying to steady her nerves. “I love you, Fluttershy. If I’m doing something that scares you then I want to make it right.”
Fluttershy fell silent for a minute, before stretching herself out across the floor, her head resting against Starlight’s flank. “Everything was lovely,” she said. “But then you started doing more with all the critters and it was like you were suddenly everywhere. When they started to enjoy your company so much I… I panicked.”
“Panicked?” Starlight licked her dry lips. “Why?”
The smile on Fluttershy’s face didn’t quite reach her cheeks. “Because... I guess because for the first time I didn’t feel as though I was the only pony in their lives anymore.”
Starlight reflected on the last few months as hot guilt flooded her body. “I’m sorry,” she said, rubbing her hooves across the downy curls of Fluttershy’s chest. “I really am. I didn’t realise I’d been so—” she swallowed “—intense.”
Fluttershy tilted her head, her pink mane falling across her eyes. “Um... just a little bit, I guess.”
Starlight nodded. “I’m scared too,” she replied quietly. “I know things have worked out between me and Sunburst, but I still think about that moment when he left my life.” She felt the memory harden in her throat. “I worry about losing what I have all the time—about making mistakes.”
She looked down at Fluttershy then, and smiled. She was so wonderful. “I’m older than you,” she continued. “I love the idea of being part of my own family. I’m sorry that the way I went about it freaked you out. I was... just scared of suddenly being left behind and unneeded.”
Fluttershy gasped, her eyes growing wide. “But you are needed,” she protested. “You do so many things for me, Starlight: you help me study and with my applications, and you give me wonderful cuddles when I’ve had a stressful day.” Her cheeks darkened. “You tell me I look pretty, even when I’m covered in pigs swill and birdseed. You do so much. I just...” She rubbed a hoof across her face. “I’ve managed all this for so long on my own. I guess I just wasn’t prepared to give it up so soon.”
Silence settled inside the cottage, but Starlight was surprised to find that it didn’t feel awkward. She looked down at Fluttershy and smiled.
“So, we’re both scared then.”
Fluttershy returned the smile. “Scared, but in love.”
“Yeah.” Starlight kissed the top of Fluttershy’s head. “For what it’s worth… I promise to try and slow down.”
“And I promise to start moving.” Fluttershy studied Starlight’s face for a moment, her expression thoughtful.
Starlight swallowed, feeling her skin prickling under the scrutiny. “What?”
“Nothing,” Fluttershy replied softly. “I was just thinking about how wonderful you are.”
“Ah, ha...” Starlight felt heat rise to her cheeks, and shifted her gaze to one side. Then a foreleg whipped round the back of her neck, and pulled her head down to where Fluttershy’s lips were waiting. They were soft and keen, and tasted of warmth and promises kept—no, they tasted of life itself, and Starlight desperately drank her in. She felt Fluttershy shiver as her tongue parted her lips, and the pegasus pressed herself closer, her hooves ravaging Starlight’s mane.
“I love you,” Starlight whispered into her ear, her lips tracing kisses down her neck.
“I love you too,” Fluttershy gasped, pushing her muzzle into Starlight’s mane. She lifted her gaze as her forelegs wrapped around Starlight’s barrel. “Stay over tonight. I… I want you to help us tomorrow.”
“You’re kidding right?” Starlight laughed, feeling a wondrous sense relief flood her body. “After what you said about me to the chickens? They’ll try and peck my eyes out for sure!”
Fluttershy smiled softly. “Oh, they won’t.” She bit her lip. “I’ll explain everything to them tomorrow—to everybeast in fact. I should be delighted that a pony wants to be so involved.”
“Well, okay then—only if you’re sure.” Starlight tugged the pegasus close, the smile on her face stretching almost from ear to ear. Building a new coop with Fluttershy and her animal friends? It sounded like the most perfect, harmonious way to start again.
***
“Oh dear, I’m so sorry, Starlight.” Fluttershy’s concerned face drifted in and out of focus as she dabbed a warm towel against the numerous cuts and scratches covering Starlight’s body.
Starlight groaned in pain as she rolled over, a cascade of seeds and dried chicken droppings falling from her mane. “I thought you were going to explain everything to them?” A loose feather drifted onto the sofa, and she felt her chest tighten at the sight of it.
“But I did!” Fluttershy protested, a worried frown on her face. “And I’ll be speaking to them again, don’t you worry.” She chewed her lip in thought as she wrapped one of Starlight’s forelegs in a sling. “I’ve never seen the girls behave like that before—they were so furious!”
“You’re telling me.” Starlight shuddered as the memory of talons and beaks and squawking pushed itself to the surface.
“I just don’t understand it though.” Fluttershy said, shaking her head. “For some reason they just refused to believe you weren’t the Phantom Egg-Knapper.”
Author's Note
This story is the culmination of a difficult few months for me, writing-wise. It's one of those periods I think we all go through from time to time: Not being able to produce an idea that's strong enough or that feels right, or struggling to translate something into prose.
In many respects this story represents that period in a nutshell. The idea changed half a dozen times, and the execution even more so: I don't even want to get started on that ending. Suffice to say, I'm still not massively happy with it, but it was more important for me to get this story completed and out there rather than worry about producing something of award-winning quality. I hope that I still managed to entertain, in any case.
As a warm-up fic, I feel like it has worked. I feel a lot more love and energy towards the story I'm currently working on, and I'm attributing that to this story breaking me through the wall.
So thanks for reading! Knowing that there are folk out there taking a chance on my work always puts a smile on my face. I appreciate it dearly.
