Further Observations on Chimeric Behavior

by Kwakerjak

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Spike, Comedy, Ember
Length: 6368

Ember learns why it's never a good idea to make a lovestruck chimera tail angry.

No one has said ever said that being the Dragon Lord was easy, even under normal circumstances, but in the early days of her reign, Ember has been performing her duties admirably, walking the delicate balance of Draconian politics with aplomb. However, during a diplomatic visit to Equestria, she runs into a snag when she finds herself in the crosshairs of the lovestruck tail of the local chimera. It seems that it's not particularly wise to get between a viper and the dragon of her dreams.

Artwork by Page Turner.

Published 2016-05-16 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-16 23:30:01 UTC

Further Observations

“They’re ignoring us,” Eleanor groused as she walked through the streets with her sisters.

“Who’s ignoring us?” Agatha asked, even though she was fairly certain she knew the answer.

“The ponies! They’re just going about their daily lives like we’re not even here! You’d think seeing a chimera walking around was an everyday occurrence here.” It wasn’t the first time that the tiger head on the fire swamp’s resident three-headed monster had expressed her misgivings about their current situation.

“An everyday occurrence?” said Irene as she slithered between her sisters’ necks. There was a note of panic in her voice. “But we only come by once a week—twice, tops! What’s the other chimera doing?”

Agatha rolled her eyes. As usual, the goat had to bear the burden of being the smart one in the family. “Just because the ponies are acting like there’s a chimera here every day, that doesn’t actually mean that they see a chimera every single day. They’ve just gotten used to us.”

“Hmph,” Eleanor grunted. “I still liked it better when they were cowering in fear whenever we came into town. We’re predators, and we’re supposed to be dangerous and scary.”

“Well, given that everyone here seems to like the dragon we spend all our time with, I’d say he makes us seem less scary,” Agatha said, and in all likelihood, she was right. Spike was, after all, the main justification for venturing out of the fire swamp in the first place; since dragons were one of the few species that were biologically compatible with chimeras, the best chance for motherhood available to the trio depended on cultivating a solid relationship between him and Irene, at least until he was actually old enough to mate.

“Of course they like Spike,” Irene said dreamily. Today, Spike and Irene were going to try something called “bowling,” which Irene assumed had something to do with making bowls. She’d immediately jumped at his proposition, even though she and her sisters had never needed any fancy-schmancy kitchen stuff. After all, Spike would be there, and who wouldn’t want to spend as much time around him as possible?

Agatha, however, was less enthusiastic about this prospect than either of her sisters. Irene was clearly infatuated, and Eleanor was impatient to further the species by any means necessary, but Agatha’s personal interests lay elsewhere. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Spike: he was certainly a very amiable little dragon. It was just that he was a bit too... well, male. Still, as she had never believed that her sisters ought to be doomed to spinsterhood just because of her personal tastes, she was willing to make sacrifices for their benefit. Besides, spending time with Spike came with its own fringe benefits. “Do you think Princess Twilight has the book with her today?”

“Do I look like I give a crap?” Eleanor replied. “You’re the one who learned how to read just so you could make goo-goo eyes at that pony princess.”

“Reading is its own reward!” Agatha retorted. Sure, she may have put extra effort into learning to impress Twilight, but that was because Twilight was a really good teacher. “And Charlie the Choo-Choo is a wonderful book.” Well, the parts Agatha had read were wonderful, but unfortunately, she was only halfway through the story when Twilight’s only copy had gone up in flames with the destruction of her library. Since then, she’d been agonizing over how Charlie could possibly escape his fate of rusting away in a weed-infested trainyard while that stupid, smug Burlington Zephyr zipped around stealing his glory. It was only last week that Twilight had told her that she’d located a new copy, and that it might be there today. That was why she was excited this afternoon. It certainly had nothing to do with the prospect of spending time in the company of a beautiful, witty, and powerful princess.

As the trio made their way towards Twilight’s crystal tree-palace, they couldn’t help but notice that there was a larger crowd than usual—though, as it happened, any crowd was unusual when they were around. The ponies may have become accustomed to them, but most of them were still smart enough to give a known predator a wide berth whenever it was in town. Still, being big and scary-looking had its advantages, and it wasn’t long before the three of them had browbeaten a path to the palace’s large front door, which they proceeded to enter without bothering to knock—after all, they had an appointment.

Inside, they had expected to see Princess Twilight and Spike, and in this respect, they were not disappointed. What they had not expected were the four other dragons who were crowding around the princess, three of whom were as big as they were, if not bigger. However, it seemed that everyone was paying more attention to the fourth dragon—a slim, blue one who was barely taller than Twilight. Well, they were paying attention to that one before the chimera barged in. Now, everyone was staring at the three of them in stunned silence, and the awkwardness was growing by the second.

It was Twilight who finally broke the tension in the room. “Oh, no; I can’t believe I forgot to tell you guys about this!” she said as she lightly slapped a hoof against her forehead. “This is getting to be a really bad habit. I’m sorry, Irene, but we’re going to have to call off your appointment for today. As you can see, some official business came up at the last minute, and I completely forgot to get in touch with you. Do you mind coming back in a few days?”

“Uh... no,” Irene said, still obviously confused. “What’s going on?”

Twilight sighed. “Well, as long as you’re here, I might as well introduce you. Ladies, this is Her Excellency Lady Ember, Lord of the Dragon Lands and Supreme Ruler of All Dragonkind. Ember, these are the Chimera Sisters of the Fire Swamp: Eleanor, Agatha, and Irene.”

Not being familiar with any kind of formal etiquette, the chimera made no gestures of respect towards the Dragon Lord, who in turn maintained her icy stare. Twilight attempted to obscure her subsequent cringe with a smile, but it didn’t exactly work.

It was Spike who eventually broke the silence. “They’re really good friends of mine, Ember,” he said.

“Is that so?” Ember replied, raising an eyebrow skeptically. “How exactly does a chimera become friends with a dragon who’s been raised by ponies?”

“Uh, that’s kind of complicated, actually,” Spike replied.

Eleanor chose this moment to enter the conversation. “Hold up... are you some sort of bigwig with all the dragons?”

“That’s one way to put it,” Ember answered, still not dropping her penetrating glare.

“So... are you here because you have business with Spike, then?” she asked.

“This is an official diplomatic visit to Equestria,” Twilight said. “The title of ‘Dragon Lord’ is roughly equivalent to the status of a princess here.”

“However, I do have ‘business’ with Spike, in a sense,” Ember said. “We’re friends. I wanted to catch up with him while I was in the area.” She still wasn’t smiling.

“Really? How does a dragon like Spike become friends with someone like you?” Agatha asked.

“That’s, er, also kind of complicated,” Spike said.

“In any case,” Twilight hastily added, “we’re all going to be really busy for the next few days. Do you mind postponing your meetup with Spike for a bit?”

“Might as well,” Agatha said. “It’s not like it can be helped. Isn’t that right?” she asked her sisters.

“Whatever,” Eleanor said indifferently.

“What about you, Irene?” When no answer came, Agatha tried again. “Irene? Hey, Irene!”

“Huh?”

“We’re going to come back later, when this Ember person is done doing whatever it is she’s here to do. Is that a problem?”

“Oh, uh, no, I guess not...”

“Great!” Twilight said with a cheerful smile as she stood up to escort the three out of her palace. “We’ll see you then!”

———————

Irene seemed lost in thought as she and her sisters returned to their home in the fire swamp. As this, in itself, wasn’t particularly unusual, neither Eleanor nor Agatha thought much of it. It wasn’t until they were in the middle of feasting on a freshly caught rodent of unusual size that it became clear that for once, Irene had been lost in coherent thought—well, coherent by her usual standards, at least.

“So, we’re going to kill her, right?”

Eleanor nearly choked on her mouthful of rodent. “What did you say, Irene?”

“That dragon. She’s obviously trying to swoop in and steal Spike from us, so we’re going to kill her, right?”

This, of course, piqued the tiger’s interest. Spike was the best prospect for a mate that the three of them had, and anything that could possibly interfere with procreation needed to be taken seriously. Also, she really liked using violence to solve problems. “What makes you so sure she’s a threat?”

“Well, he said she was his friend, and it was kind of complicated, didn’t he?” Irene said.

“Yeah...”

“That’s exactly the same thing he said about us. Only this Ember is actually a dragon like him, and she’s apparently a super-important one, too.”

“She’s pretty easy on the eyes, too,” Agatha added with an amused smile.

“You’re not helping,” Irene said with a sneer.

“Well, she sure sounds like a threat to me,” Eleanor said. “It’s decided, then. We’re killing the dragon lady.”

“Oh, come on!” Agatha said with obvious annoyance. “We’ve been dealing with ponies long enough to know that they really don’t like the idea of using violence to solve their problems.”

“So we make it look like an accident,” Eleanor said dismissively. “The little blue pest is out of the way, and Irene gets Spike all to herself. No one will ever know!”

Agatha didn’t seem too convinced by her sister’s reasoning. “What if you screw up and they do know? What happens then?”

“You’re only saying that because when you tried to use violence to solve a problem, it didn’t work,” Irene said grumpily.

“That’s completely beside the point,” Agatha said gruffly as she attempted to dismiss any allusions to their abortive assassination attempt on Tirek. “Besides, this Ember is obviously some sort of bigwig among dragonkind, so if we kill her, the dragons might try to kill us for revenge.”

“So, what am I supposed to do? Just sit back and hope for the best?”

“Obviously not,” Eleanor said. “Clearly, we need to find some way to demonstrate our superiority as a mate.”

Irene hung her head in despair. “How are we supposed to do that? She’s got the Dragon Lands, and we only have a swamp.”

“True,” Eleanor admitted, “but we’re bigger than her, and probably stronger, too. That means we’re more likely to have healthy cubs, and who doesn’t want their cubs to be healthy?”

“Are baby dragons even called cubs?” Agatha asked, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, what does it matter?” Eleanor replied. “The point is that we are clearly more suited to the physical demands of motherhood, and that’s got to be important when you’re picking a mate.”

“Okay,” Irene said uncertainly, “but how do we make sure that Spike knows that?”

After what seemed to be an interminable silence, Agatha sighed and entered the conversation: “Well, you could try to come up with some sort of... mating ritual... thing.” She looked like she was trying to keep down her lunch when she finished her sentence.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Irene asked.

Agatha groaned. “Okay, you know how for a few weeks every spring the rodents go out in the open and stand still while whipping their tails back and forth?”

“Yeah, it makes them really easy targets,” Eleanor said, smiling at the memories of a continuously full stomach.

“Well, I asked Twilight, and she checked a book, and it said that those are male rodents who are trying to look impressive to the females so they get picked as mates.”

Irene looked confused. “So... we’re just supposed to stand still, then?”

“Er, well, no. We’re supposed to do something that would make it clear that we’re better than Ember.”

“We already knew that,” Eleanor said. “That’s what we’re trying to figure out. All you did was tell us what we already know in a way that let you bring Twilight Sparkle into the conversation. Again. It doesn’t matter, though, because I have the perfect solution.”

Irene suddenly perked up. “You do?! What is it? What is it?”

Eleanor looked singularly proud of herself as she drew herself up to her full height. “We’ll fight her for him.”

Agatha, somewhat predictably, didn’t find this idea very impressive. “Weren’t you listening to me? If we kill—”

“I never said anything about killing the dragon,” Eleanor interrupted. “I said we’d fight her. We don’t actually have to kill her to make it clear that we’re more qualified to have Spike’s cubs—we just need to beat her senseless so that she doesn’t try any funny business around him. It’ll be just like that time we fought the cragodile.”

“Are you sure we didn’t kill him, though?” Irene asked.

“Well, we never saw him die,” Eleanor replied. “Anyway, I figure as long as we aren’t sneaky about it and make it clear that we’re challenging Ember, the other dragons will probably think we’re being honorable.”

“And what if she turns us down?” Irene asks.

“Obviously, that means we win by default, and if Ember tries to make any moves on Spike, all bets are off and we’re perfectly justified in slaughtering her mercilessly.”

“Ooh, I like the sound of that!” Irene said. “Let’s do it.”

“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” Agatha said.

“Well, let’s put it to a vote,” Eleanor said. “All in favor of smacking around the dragon princess, say ‘aye.’”

“Aye!” Irene and Eleanor said in unison.

“Those opposed?” Eleanor continued.

“Screw you,” Agatha said.

“Isn’t that what we’re trying to do?” Irene asked.

———————

Thus, over Agatha’s objections, Eleanor and Irene decided to challenge Ember for the right to mate with Spike. The only issue was figuring out the details, which was no small obstacle, since Agatha stubbornly refused to help in any aspect of their plan, save for pointing out every single flaw she could find. Finding the Dragon Lord would be relatively simple, since Twilight had said that Ember would be in town for a few days. The trick would be figuring out when to challenge her. It seemed likely that Twilight or Spike would try to interfere in a misguided attempt to prevent a confrontation, so they needed to catch Ember when she was by herself, or at least when she was spending time with ponies who would know better than to stick their muzzles where they weren’t wanted.

Fortunately for them, finding Ember turned out to be relatively easy, since the very next day, Applejack was giving her a tour of the orchard where she and her family grew the pie-flesh that went inside their wondrous pastries. Only one of Ember’s dragon associates was present with her this time: a somewhat large brown one with a pronounced underbite who mostly stayed quiet as Applejack discussed another of her family’s products, some sort of beverage made from the blood of the apple.

“So, this ‘cider’ is really a big deal around here, then?” Ember asked.

“You bet your hind end it is. We can barely keep enough in stock to satisfy the locals—in fact, there’s been more than a few years where we had to turn customers away.”

“Fascinating,” Ember said. “You wouldn’t happen to have—”

Whatever the Dragon Lord was about to say was interrupted by a shrill scream from the edge of the orchard. “Hey! Blue dragon lady!”

Applejack and Ember turned and saw the chimera standing behind them in an intimidating pose. Well, two-thirds of it was posing. “Did you really need to be that loud, Irene?” Agatha said as she glared at her sister. “I’d rather not go deaf over this.”

“What in Tartarus are you three doin’ here?” Applejack asked.

“We’re here for her,” Eleanor said, pointing a claw at Ember.

Ember, for her part, seemed utterly bemused by the intrusion. “Me?”

“Yeah,” Irene said in the meanest sounding voice she could muster as the chimera trudged towards them. She and Eleanor had decided that she ought to be the one to issue the challenge, since she was the one who was the most invested in their relationship with Spike. “I’ve got something to say to you, you... um... little, tiny, dragon person who’s somehow important anyway.”

“And that is?”

“If you think you can just come swooping in and taking away everything we’ve worked for, well, you’re wrong. You need to take your turn, and we’re not done taking ours, so you’d better back off! Besides, you’re way out of your league... I mean, I’m pretty sure you are, but on second thought, I think leagues might be those bloodsucking things that sometimes get on our legs when we have to swim through the water... in which case, you are a league! Or something like that. You know what I mean?”

“I haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about,” Ember said, squinting at the viper as if that would help her make sense.

“If it’s any consolation, I don’t know what she’s talking about either,” Agatha said.

Apparently, Ember either didn’t hear this or chose to ignore it, because she addressed her response to Irene. “Are... are you challenging me?”

The viper nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! Unless you’re chicken... ooh, chicken sounds really good right now. Hey, Eleanor, when we’re done beating the everloving crap out of her, can we hunt some chickens?”

“Focus, Irene,” Eleanor said.

Ember looked the chimera over with an evaluating eye, apparently weighing her options as she snuck glances at both Applejack and her draconian attendant. Eventually, she came to a resolution. “This orchard is a bad place for a duel,” she said. “Not only are there too many obstacles, but I don’t want to risk harming my host’s property. Is there an open field nearby suitable for dueling?”

“What?!” Applejack shouted, utterly flabbergasted.

Eleanor ignored the pony and jumped into the conversation. “Fighting in the open upsets the ponies. I suggest we go to the fire swamp.”

Ember did not find this to her liking. “Your home? I’d say that gives you a rather unfair advantage.”

“Ember, ya can’t possibly be serious about this,” Applejack said.

But Ember wasn’t paying attention to Applejack, either. “Please let me finish my business with this chimera,” she said, not bothering to make eye contact with the pony before returning her attention to Eleanor. “If I’m going to fight, I’d rather do it somewhere with access to medical services.”

“The edge of the fire swamp, then,” Eleanor said.

“That will do,” Ember said with a nod. “Shall we begin at once, or would you like some time to prepare yourself?”

“Oh, we’re ready,” Eleanor said.

“Speak for yourself,” Agatha interjected. “I just want to let it be known that I think this is an incredibly stupid idea, but I was outvoted by these two knuckleheads.”

“Noted,” Ember said. “Now, which way to the field of battle?”

———————

Applejack firmly believed in the importance of hospitality, and to her mind, being a good host included doing everything possible to stop one’s guests from making stupid decisions. Thus, as the group trudged to the agreed-upon site, she did her best to talk some sense into the Dragon Lord.

“Pardon my sayin’ so, Ember, but have you lost your mind?! I don’t know what’s goin’ on between you and the chimera, but it ain’t worth fightin’ over.”

Ember, however, remained unflappable. “As it happens, I have no idea what the chimera wants, either, but this isn’t about it... uh, I mean, them.”

“So why bother? You’re the Dragon Lord! Why waste your time doin’ somethin’ like this?”

“It is precisely because I’m the Dragon Lord that I’m bothering.”

“Oh, come on! You’re gonna fight them because they insulted you? If you’re gonna be a leader, you gotta get some thicker skin.”

Ember shot Applejack an angry glare. “This has nothing to do with the chimera and everything to do with him,” she replied, jerking her head back towards her attendant, who was following them just out of earshot. “If we had been the only ones in the orchard, I would have simply dismissed the whole matter, but since he overheard, that means every dragon will hear about it if I refuse.”

“What does that matter? I bet your pop ignored challenges all the time.”

“He did,” Ember said, “but he had been Dragon Lord for decades, not to mention being taller than Princess Twilight’s castle. I, on the other claw, have only been the Dragon Lord for a few months, and I’m barely taller than you. Because Spike helped me gain my title in the first place, my reign is still a bit shaky—there are more than a few dragons who don’t truly respect me yet. That chimera is obviously bigger and quite possibly stronger than me. If I refuse to fight, it wouldn’t be seen as the dismissal of a mere nobody, it would be seen as an act of cowardice.”

“So what if they don’t respect you right now? Can’t you use that scepter thingy to make dragons do what you want?”

“Sure, but that doesn’t provide complete protection against uprisings. I do have to sleep, after all.”

“Oh, come on, it can’t be that bad.”

Ember looked at Applejack warily. “You are aware that Spike isn’t a typical dragon, right? Draconian politics can get unbelievably nasty, especially when dragons don’t respect their Dragon Lord. After all the trouble I went through to get my title, I do not want to be put in a place where I’m forced to abdicate—or worse.”

Applejack sighed. “Look, I can’t let you get hurt. I’ve dealt with that critter before, and believe you me, it’s more ornery than it looks.”

“But you look fine to me. It’s not like you’ve gotten hurt facing it.”

“Actually, I have,” Applejack said emphatically. “And what’s more, when I’ve gone up against it in the past, I was just trying to get it tied up so I could escape. You’re talking about actually beatin’ those three, which is a whole ’nother jar of applesauce.”

“Maybe, but with all due respect, you can’t fly or breathe fire. Also, I’m pretty sure that the goat was telling the truth earlier, and only two-thirds of the chimera actually wants to do this in the first place. Besides, I had to tangle with some fairly nasty dragons during the race to claim my scepter. Trust me, I’m not a pushover. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think we’ve arrived.”

The chimera had indeed come to a halt right in front of the entrance to the fire swamp. “This is the battleground,” Eleanor said. “We fight until one of us is either unable or unwilling to continue.”

“I’m unwilling to continue,” Agatha said immediately.

“In our case, there needs to be a majority before we surrender,” Eleanor added, glaring at her sister. “Agreed?”

“Agreed,” Ember replied as she extended her wings and took to the air, hovering just above the chimera’s eye level to make herself look as intimidating as possible.

Eleanor and Irene replied in kind, snarling and hissing and baring their fangs, while Agatha slumped in resignation. A few seconds later, though, she raised her head again and turned towards Applejack. “What on earth are you standing there for?” she said. “Go get help!”

“Uh, right. Just, uh, try an’ hold out until I can find someone who can fix this mess.” Applejack galloped towards town, leaving behind the chimera, Ember, and Ember’s attendant, who had settled back with a somber look on his face, intent on evaluating his Lord’s performance.

For a few tense moments, the combatants simply stared each other down, looking for anything that might signal hesitation or weakness. Then, Ember abruptly dove downwards, exhaling a stream of blue-white fire. However, having grown up in a fire swamp, the chimera was not about to be intimidated by an unexpected blast of flames and nimbly jumped away before Ember could even singe their fur. Indeed, for good measure, Eleanor took a swipe at the dragon, claws extended, and managed to nick the scales on one of her legs, though not with enough force to penetrate her natural armor.

If Ember felt the strike, she didn’t show it. Instead, she rose back up into the air to make another pass. However, before loosing her flame, she swerved at the last possible moment so that the jet of fire came at the chimera’s left flank. This time, the chimera didn’t fully escape injury.

“Ow!” Agatha cried. “My ear!” She and her sisters had dodged out of the way, but not soon enough to avoid clipping the side if the goat’s head. Now the smell of burning hair was making its way to Agatha’s nostrils, and she was decidedly nonplussed. “What gives?!” She shouted at the dragon. “I already said I didn’t want to fight!”

“Yeah, you did,” Eleanor replied, “which means she knows you’re the weak link. Now quit bitching and help us out!”

Agatha might have made some sort of reply, Ember had already begun her third pass, and this time, she was aiming squarely for Agatha’s head. The goat let out a groan as she and her sisters sidestepped this attack, and this time she followed it up with a well-timed headbutt that landed squarely on Ember’s torso.

Ember hit the ground with a thud, rolling some distance from her foe. She winced as she rose to her feet; the headbutt itself hadn’t really hurt that much, but it felt like the landing might have done some damage to one of her wings. Even though she was fairly certain she could still fly without too much trouble, she decided against it for the moment. There was little point in risking greater injury unless she had no other choice.

She ran headlong towards the chimera, her mind working at lightning speed to think of some way to negate her enemy’s size advantage. As the tiger raised a paw in preparation for another blow, the idea came to her. Sprinting as fast as she could, Ember suddenly crouched right in front of the chimera, sliding feet-first underneath its body and exhaling another plume of fire. The tiger’s pained roar told her she’d succeeded, but as the chimera rolled away from her flame, it was clear that she wasn’t quite victorious yet, because when she stood up, she was staring right into the eyes of the viper tail—which was coiled up and prepared to strike.

Irene smiled deliriously as she eyed her prey. It was really fitting for the fight to end this way; Spike was her boyfriend, after all, so it was only right to finish off the dragon bitch with her venom. Sure, there was that whole thing ponies had about not killing other things, but she was pretty sure that pony magic could save the dragon’s life if necessary. Besides, she’d attacked Agatha, even though Agatha had said she wasn’t going to fight, so really, it was the dragon who was at fault. Plus, the tummy she shared with her sisters hurt. Like, really badly. Thus, it was with no small amount of satisfaction that Irene lunged forward, fangs bared and ready to pump that reptilian trollop full of venom.

Unfortunately for Irene, the reptilian trollop saw her strike coming, and managed to dodge it with relative ease. Even worse for Irene, Ember grabbed her from behind the head with one claw and grabbed a large stick lying on the ground with the other. She then jammed the stick sideways into Irene’s still-open mouth until it hit the roof and proceeded to milk out nearly all of Irene’s venom, squeezing it onto the ground. By the time she’d finished, Eleanor and Agatha had realized what was happening, but Ember managed to back away before they could reposition themselves for a strike.

The combatants squared off again, and this time, both of them charged forward. When they were only a few paces apart, both leapt into the air: the chimera made a straightforward pounce, while Ember didn’t so much take off as make a wing-assisted jump. In any case, it was the dragon who got the upper claw as she grabbed onto Eleanor’s neck and landed on the chimera’s back. Before any of her sisters knew what was happening, Ember had Eleanor in a sleeper hold.

Eleanor was gasping for breath as she and her sisters landed on the ground. Irene made a few attempts to strike at the dragon, but every time, Ember managed to fend her off with kicks, while Agatha didn’t have the room for an effective headbutt. Eventually, out of desperation, Eleanor began pawing the back of her head with her claws extended, swiping against the grain of Ember’s scales in an effort to get some sort of purchase. The edges of her vision were beginning to dim when finally, she managed to get a grip solid enough to tear the dragon away and fling her towards the fire swamp, where she slammed against a tree and slid to its roots.

Ember was mildly dazed, but still had enough wits about her to see the chimera closing in for what might be the final blow of the duel. Her wing was definitely injured now, and she was almost certain that her back was bleeding from where the tiger had dug in beneath her scales. Still, she wasn’t about to go down without a fight, and she still hadn’t unleashed the full force of her flame. As the chimera raised its paw, she drew in the deepest breath she could. She was just about to spew out a blast of pure heat when suddenly—

“No, wait! Stop!”

Upon hearing the voice, the combatants did exactly as ordered, ceasing their conflict, if only so they could find out who was butting into their duel. All of them turned and saw Spike running towards them as fast as possible, with Applejack and Twilight Sparkle standing a bit further away. Before either Ember or the chimera knew what had happened, Spike had planted himself between them, causing the chimera to back away from its foe.

“I’m so sorry,” Spike said, breathing heavily. “I should have explained things better earlier. Irene, Ember and I aren’t dating, and we don’t plan on dating any time soon. There’s absolutely no reason for you guys to fight her in the first place.”

“What?” Ember asked before the sisters could get a word in. “Dating? Spike, are you saying that this fight has been about you the whole time?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?” Eleanor asked through ragged breaths.

“Of course it wasn’t! I couldn’t make anything out of that viper’s challenge, other than the fact that it was a challenge. Spike, is that... I mean, are they your girlfriends?”

“Well, like I said, it’s complicated... because I’m really only dating one of them.” He nervously looked over towards Twilight Sparkle, who smiled and nodded, encouraging him to continue. “And, well, even though at first I just wanted to see where it would go, I’m starting to think it’s getting serious.”

“It is?!” Irene exclaimed with obvious delight in her voice.

“Yeah,” Spike said, turning around to address the viper directly. “When Applejack told us that you two were fighting, I immediately wanted to leave so we could get here to stop it. Not just because all of you are my friends, but... well, I was really worried about you. Irene, I may not have a lot of experience with other dragons, but I have enough to know that they take this sort of thing really seriously, and Ember in particular is the kind of dragon who’s really dangerous when she thinks she’s been cornered. I... was really worried that you’d get hurt, because, well, that might mean the end of our time together, and... and I really don’t want that to happen. At all. So... are you willing to take back your challenge?”

Irene was still smiling, but she seemed hesitant to answer; her eyes kept darting between Spike and Ember, who by now had risen to her feet again.

Oddly enough, it was Ember who broke the silence. “If it makes it any easier for you, I’m not really that interested in Spike—at least, not that way. Not that there’s anything wrong with him, but as the Dragon Lord, I need to take politics into account when picking a spouse. While it’s true that the amount of respect that the ponies have for Spike means that he could help solidify an alliance with Equestria, I’m probably better off selecting a spouse from one of the established dragon clans.”

“Uh, what does that mean?” Irene asked.

“If you want him, I have no reason to get in the way,” Ember said, glancing over at her attendant to make sure she’d worded her response in a politically acceptable manner. The attendant grunted and nodded, and Ember finally smiled at the chimera. “That is, assuming you’re willing to withdraw your challenge.”

Irene let out a jubilant squeal. “Yes! I’ll withdraw it, and Spikey is all mine!” She immediately wrapped Spike in a loving embrace—a little too loving, in fact.

“Can’t... breathe...”

“Oh, right,” Irene said. She may not have been a constrictor, but she was almost all muscle. Instead she contented herself by rubbing her cheek against Spike’s. “So, does this mean we’re officially an item, then?”

“Yeah,” Spike said. “I think it does.”

“Come on,” Twilight Sparkle said, “let’s get back to my palace, and we can sort everything out.”

———————

“Well, I hope you two have learned your lesson,” Agatha said in a self-important tone as the three of them waited in the foyer of Twilight’s castle. Now that all the hubbub was over, the princess finally had the opportunity to lend the book to the goat head, and she had gone to retrieve it from her personal collection.

“What lesson?” Eleanor asked as she idly glanced behind her. Irene and Spike were busy nuzzling each other, oblivious to the world around them.

“That you can’t solve all of your problems with violence,” Agatha replied sagely. “Life is different here than it is back home in the swamp, and you can’t simply charge in and expect to overpower whatever’s in your way. There are consequences for that sort of thing, and unless you’re prepared to face those consequences, you’re better off being diplomatic.”

“Diplomatic? What the heck does that mean?”

Agatha abruptly stopped her moralizing. “Er... well, actually, I’m not sure. But when I read that word, I got the distinct impression that it’s a very good thing, and you need to be very smart to do it, so I’m sure I’m the only one of us who’s actually capable of pulling it off. So, the real lesson is that instead of just ‘outvoting’ me whenever I make a suggestion you don’t like, you two should be deferring to my clearly superior intellect, because I simply don’t make rash decisions.”

“Er... excuse me,” said an unfamiliar voice. “Is Twilight here?”

Agatha and Eleanor turned around and saw a unicorn mare with a pinkish-purple coat looking at them with a somewhat wary expression on her face. “Who wants to know?” Agatha asked with a glare.

Fortunately, any further tension was dissolved when Twilight reentered the room. “Sorry I took so long,” she said as she levitated Charlie the Choo-Choo into the chimera’s satchel. “I forgot where I’d left it.” It was at this point that she noticed the somewhat awkward situation. “Oh, sorry. Where are my manners? Starlight, these are the Chimera Sisters: Eleanor, Agatha, and Irene. Ladies, this is Starlight Glimmer.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Agatha eventually said. Eleanor gave an acknowledging grunt, and Irene... well, she was still whispering sweet nothings with her boyfriend.

“Irene!” Agatha said. “Twilight just introduced us to somepony.”

“Hello, Somepony,” Irene said, not bothering to break eye contact with Spike.

“Er... charmed,” Starlight said. “So, Twilight, will we still be spending time together this evening, or has your... acquaintance forced you to change your plans?”

“Wait, what’s going on?” Agatha asked.

“Oh, Starlight...” Twilight began, before pausing to figure out how best to explain herself. “Well, Starlight is another one of my friends... and my student, in a manner of speaking.”

“Huh?!” Agatha asked.

“It’s a bit complicated to go into at the moment,” Twilight replied, “especially since we really need to get going. Can I trust you to make sure Irene doesn’t move too fast with Spike? I don’t think he’s quite ready for anything physical yet.”

“Oh, uh, sure...” Agatha said, in a somewhat dazed tone.

“Thanks,” Twilight said as she exited her castle with Starlight. “Let me know how you like the book!”

“Sure thing,” Agatha called back. As the two ponies walked off, she turned to Eleanor. “So, we’re going to kill her, right?”

Author's Note

I'm aware that Ember doesn't actually breathe fire in her episode; however, since as far as I can tell, there's no consistent way to determine the color of a dragon's flame, I decided to go with a blue flame since it looked prettier in my imagination than all the other colors. I figure that I can always change it if it turns out it's some other color in a later episode.

In addition to all my fan fiction, I've also got an original short story available for purchase. It's called "The Empty Hand," it features cosmic horror in the Boston underworld, and it's currently available in eBook form on Amazon:

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Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.