Horny Sunbutt

by dohrekter

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Original Character, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Human
Length: 3783

Our human protagonist, Ray, takes a bath and then Celestia appears out of nowhere. What does our main character do?

Ray was just average joe. Just taking a bath to cool him from the blazing heat. That is, until a displaced horny white horse with butt tattoo of the sun appears in his bathroom. Shenanigans issues

Warning: Random

Note: This is just a comedy fanfic for the shits and giggles. Don't take it too seriously. No sex

Published 2016-05-27 22:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-27 22:10:01 UTC

...run

Author's Note

Warning: Random

Don't take the story too seriously. Pleas be gentle...

...run

It was a sunny afternoon. Not cloud in the sky. The sun was shining ever so brightly that day. Sooner or later it will engulf the earth, obliterating every living organism on the planet, destroying the millions of years of development of evolution of all earth's species. All those years waiting for the little pony that my parents promised they would give me, all gone to wast- *cough* Um... sorry about that. I don't know want came over me. How about we just go straight to the story, shall we...

Inside an average suburban home lies a 27-year-old human; our main character of the story named, Ray, where he is performing a basic ritual that a lot of people on earth has done it once or twice in there life time... singing in the shower.

" ♫ Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down ♪ " Ray sang with eyes closed, holding the soap near his mouth, imagining it as a microphone."♫ Never gonna run around and desert you ♪" He made hand gestures with his free hand as his feet dance to the imaginary beat. "♫ Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye ♪" The bathroom door was slightly open, making his singing voice echo in his bedroom. " ♫ Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you ♪ "

After two minutes of singing of what Ray considered to be, the best song ever, he started cleaning himself. Ray moved the soap to his nether regions; rubbing the soap on his very long, huge d–

"Okay, you need stop right there,"

What?

"You don't need to be so descriptive about my peewee about that," Ray said, looking upward. "Just say 'dick' and move on with the narration, and I have you know that Mr. Turtle is regular size. You don't need to over-exaggerate! " He defended and then sighed, bowing his head. "It's annoying enough that you keep narrating everything I do."

Sorry dude, but this is a 'pony fucks a human' fanfic, that basically how it works

"Wait what!?" Ray yelled in surprise, looking at the ceiling again. "I thought you said this was a comedy fanf–"

Ray didn't had time to finish his sentence when the shower curtains suddenly open. Revealing a white-colored unicorn with wings that has rainbow-colored flowing mane and a butt tattoo of the sun.

Ray's eyes went wide and his pupils dilated. His instinct came in and made him cover up his genitals with his right hand; out of sight from the white equine. And also, for the sake of comedy, made him cover up his man boobs with his left arm. It's was very fitting pose considering that he was screaming like a 10-year-old COD player.

After twenty seconds of impersonating a banshee, Ray manages to calm down as he gaze at his intruder. Ray analyzed and identified the mare as Princess Celestia from the my little pony show. He knew about the show because of his best friend, Jeff, who was a 'my little pony' expert. Ray wasn't really an avid watcher of the show. He thought it was cute and funny, but the only time he would watch a new episode is when his friend, jeff, would link to him the video. He mostly likes the fan art, animations, music, and fanfictions done by the fandom.

* Cough *

Ray was snap back to reality by sound of Celestia coughing. He gaze back at Celestia once more and he did not like what he saw. What he saw well haunt him for days.

Levitating near Celestia's face was long, huge, thick, black, dil–

"Hey, what did I say about being so lewdly descriptive!" Ray yelled, looking up again.

Smut fic, remember?

He glance back at Celestia who still holding the dildo with his magic but now has a smirk planted on her face. A smirk that says she ready to fuck his face off. Greater observation on the dildo is that it has words inscribed on it, in which it reads 'YOUR BUTT HERE'.

'OH HELL NO!' Ray exclaimed in his mind, His body now completely frozen in fear.'Okay, I need to think of plan. Maybe I can talk my way out of this, if not, and if this is really a porn fic, maybe I can persuade her into a situation that doesn't get me severely butt hurt'

Ray tried to open his mouth to say something but was beaten by Celestia.

"I already know what your gonna say, and the answer is no, you can't talk me out of having sex with you," Celsetia blankly said. Her OOC-ness radiating from her body.

'Shit, there goes plan A' Ray thought. 'I just hope plan B works'

"So... if I agree to have sex with you, would you leave my asshole alone?" Ray questioned.

Celestia only giggled at this causing Ray's heart rate to go into maximum overdrive.

"If I leave your pretty looking butt alone, how am suppose to satisfy my human butt fetish?" Celestia's puckered up her mouth and pouted. "Also, your persuasion skills need a bit of work."

'Of course she would have a human butt fetish. I keep forgetting this a smut fic' Ray exclaimed in his thoughts. 'I need to think of a way soon or I'm so screwed.'

Celestia took one of her hoof forward causing Ray walk one step back. Celestia, now smirking, tried another one hoof forward causing Ray again to take one step backward, but as he took the step, he was meet by the bathroom wall.

"Shit..." Ray murmured as he took a quick glance at the wall.

Ray looked back at Celestia, only to see that she was now mere inches from where he was standing. Ray tried move backwards, but to no avail.Now face-to-face with him, Celestia made a soft chuckle.

"What are you gonna do now, human?" She ask in a teasing manner.

'Good question, what am I really gonna do now?' Ray pondered. 'Both plan A and B both failed and I'm sure plan C well fail as well, which means I have to go with plan Z... OPERATION PUNCH THE SHIT OUT OFF THE RAINBOW HORSE'

"Well... I'm waiti–"

"ONE PUNCH!" Ray yelled, as he tried serve Celestia a nice plating of a knuckle sandwich with his right hand but was easily stopped by use of her magic. She looked at the Ray's fist, then looks back at him with a raised eyebrow and a smile.

"Well... your a feisty one, aren't you?" Celetia asked seductively.

Ray answered only by gulping on his own saliva. He was too petrified to even speak. The two were caught on a stare-off. There eyes lock with one another. One pair of eyes that read fear and one that read lust.

Celestia was the first one to break eye contact. She turned her eyes to right, as if she was looking at something. Ray's eyes soon followed. He saw the same dildo that she was holding with his magic a while ago. Its tip pointed downward, directly pointing on Ray's nether region. The dildo slowly descended towards Ray's lower area.

Ray's mind was set ablaze, desperately trying to find away figure out how get out of here. His hand was still coated with the magical aura. He was trapped. And then, an idea struck.

Celestia's dildo was now near Ray's crotch. It was just a matter of time until she gets what she wants.

"Now my little human... would you kindly turn around for me, please?" Celestia asked.

This was it. His only chance for survival. If his plan won't work, then his fucked, literally.

Ray did what Celestia requested and turned around slowly to the right. She had a wide grin plastered on her face. Clearly she was anxious to get started. She failed to notice as Ray's left hand quickly grab hold of her wing which made Celestia yelped in surprise. Ray located the soft spot of her wing. He pinches the part with his fingers which caused Celestia wings to extend and stiffened. This was the perfect opportunity to take advantage of his situation. Her magical grip on his hand now faded, Ray pushed Celestia to side, making her stumble in confusion allowing Ray to have a clear to way to the door. Ray exited the bathroom at great speed and closed the door. He surveyed his bedroom and spotted a conveniently placed chair just at the right of him. He placed the top part of the chair under the doorknob of the bathroom, locking Celestia from the inside.

'Wow... I can't believe that worked' Ray thought.

A few seconds later, a magical aura engulfed the doorknob. Celestia tried to open the door, but it wont budge. Ray was about to run for his life, when he heard her voice from inside the bathroom.

"Oh human," She called. "Would kindly open the door for me?"

"No!" Ray yelled. "Your going to stay there and be far away from me as possible."

"I seem to recall you singing while you bath about not deserting anypony," Celestia said.

'She probably heard me singing in the shower' Ray thought to himself. "Well, get rick rolled, bitch!" Ray exclaimed.

She didn't reply. Not a sound came in the bathroom, which made Ray a little worried. He slowly moved closer to the bathroom door, hoping to hear anything inside to know she is still in there. Unbeknownst by Ray, a white muzzle slowly approached his right ear and whispered in a soft voice. "The safe word is banana...."Ray yelled in surprise and stumbled back from the voice but manage regained his footing and look at source of the voice. It was non other than Celestia.

"How the hell did get out of the bathroom?" Ray asked, looking confused at Celestia.

Celestia didn't speak. She only used her hoof to point at her horn that was glowing in yellow magical aura.

"Ow... yeah,right," Ray didn't waste no time to ran away from Celestia. He left the room as fast he can, leaving a trail of smoke. Leaving his house, running to the sidewalk. He didn't care where he was going or that he was still naked, he just want to get away from the rapist horse as fast as possible.

Celestia look at her human as he ran like a mad pony. She just giggle at his exploits. "Oh... I do love a good hunt."

_______

Ray was running for five minutes now. The extreme heat of the sun began to dawn on him. He legs were aching; begging for him to stop running but he couldn't because he new that Celestia was hot on his tail. He kept on running until his path was blocked by a group of people that were standing at a bus stop.

The people at bus stop notice him running towards them, There faces have the feeling of disgust while some have the feeling of intrigue as they stare at the approaching naked person.

Ray didn't want to stop he had to keep running. He yelled at the group people to move. "Out of my way, out of my way, can't you see she's trying to fuck my butt!" he pointed at the direction at the back him. Not really looking were his pointing.

The people give him way, still had the look and disgust and intrigue on there faces. Once he was far away from them, they looked back to where the crazy naked man was pointing. What they saw was just an old woman crossing the street. They old woman notice the attention she was getting and looked at the group of people. Where she just smiled and wave.

There disgusted faces were now turned into anger towards the old lady. "So... you like fucking butts, do ya? Well will show you, you old whore!" one individual of the group yelled.

"Yeah! Lets get her!"

The old woman only stood still there and smiled at the approaching angry mob. "I love the young people..."

_______

Ray was laying on his back on a old oak tree in the middle of the park. No people were at the area because of the raging heat. Ray's breathing was at an abnormal rate. His whole body was covered in sweat and his legs couldn't take another step. He was completely exhausted.

"Okay Ray..." He said it to himself. Still breathing heavily. "You need to think out of a way to stop the magical horse goddess from drilling your ass. Come on! Think... think...THINK!

Okay dude, you need to stop that or your going to pop a vein

Ray looked up, looking confused.

Look, why not just go to Jeff's house. You know, that brony guy you said like a few paragraphs ago. Maybe he has the answers that you seek.

"Oh yeah, Jeff!" Ray exclaimed. "He knows everything about the show. Maybe actually help me. My butt is saved!" Ray cheered, as he stands up and raised his two hands in the sky. "Thank for the help, narrator guy"

No problem dude. I just want to speed-up this story so that I can go to bed.

As Ray was about to make his way off to Jeff's house, he felt a piercing wind on his right side of his face like something almost hit him. He turned to the right and saw the unthinkable. The object that almost struck him was a dildo. But just any old dildo, it was Celestia's dildo. It still had the "YOUR BUTT HERE" phrase written on it. Ray's face went pale when he saw the half of dildo had pierced into the bark of the oak tree where he was laying. You can tell it was thrown with great force.

In a flash of smoke, Celestia appeared; now wearing a black clothing, covering her entire body and face. The only body parts that were visible was her tail, wings, horn, and eyes. "It's time to get penetrated, human-san" Celestia said, in a stereotypical japanese voice. 'Jesus! What is she trying to do, kill me?' Ray exclaimed in his mind.

Her horn glowed and in a flash of light, two new dildos appeared beside her face. She used her magic to throw the two dildos at Ray at great speed. Before the dildos hit Ray, a black smoke surrounded Ray which caused Celestia's eyes to go wide. As the smoke clears, it appears that the dildos hit something, but it wasn't Ray, it was blow-up doll with Ray's face strapped unto it. It made wheezing sound as it deflated from the hit of the dildos at the bottom part of its body.

"A decoy!?" Celestia exclaimed. Her face now turning at every direction to spot where Ray has ran off to, but she couldn't see him.

Hidden behind a bush lies Ray as he gaze happily at the confused Celestia. "I knew those ninja classes will come in handy." After watching the puzzled Celestia for a minute, he ventured off to Jeff's house.

_______

*running noises*

*panting noises*

*knocking noises*

"Jeff? Jeff, are you home?"

*door opening noises*

"Hey Ray, how's it goi- OH MY GOD DUDE, WHY ARE YOU NAKED!?"

"I'll explained everything, but first... hey narrator guy! Why aren't you narrating all of this!?"

*sipping coffee noises* Oh... um... sorry, I went up and made myself some coffee. *sipping coffee noises* continue...

"Like I was saying... you got to help me man, she's after me!" Ray exclaimed, tugging Jeff's shirt closer to him. His face now back to full-on scared mode.

"Ah... did you got drunk and hit on Yuno again? I keep telling you man that bitch is crazy." Jeff said.

"No man, She's much worse than Yuno... much worse..." Ray gripped Jeff's shirt even tighter to show he was very serious of his situation.

"Who?" Jeff questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"It's fucking Princess Celestia from the my little pony show!" Ray yelled, letting go if his shirt and waving his hand high like a mad man. "Oh! And get this, this isn't the Celestia that you know from the show, oh no... she fucking OOC as hell and wants to fuck me in the ass with her dildo kunai!"

Jeff bite his lip. Resisting the urge to laugh like a hyena."Pffft... dildo kunai...pffft"

Ray, now flustered. He was holding back the urge to to punch the shit out of him. "Dude, I'm being dead serious here! There's literally an OOC Celestia coming for my ass!"

"Relax, Ray... I believe you," Jeff said. Putting his right hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

"Wait...you do?" Ray asked.

"Yeah man," Jeff replied. "This morning, I had gut feeling in my stomach that today I was going to be part of a fanfic and here I am."

*sipping coffee noises* Across the street, a woman's voice was heard. "There you are my little human" said the womanly voice. The two men looked at the direction of the voice and saw Princess Celestia. She wasn't wearing her black clothing anymore. She went back into wearing her tiara and necklace. "I had enough playing games, your going to be penetrated by this dildo wither you like it or not," Celestia said in a serious manner. This made Ray shiver and hide behind jeff "That includes your friend there, too"

"Woah there, can we just... talk this out and be civilized about this? Jeff pleaded.

"Nope," Celestia replied." Your assholes will be mine... all mine!" Celestia laughed maniacally. She has definitely lost her mind. As Celestia approach the two men, her horn glowed and the door behind the them closed and made a clicking sound, locking them from the outside.There hands and feet was surrounded by a magical aura. Trapping them in place.*sipping coffee noises*

"I can't believe I'm in this predicament because of you!" Jeff yelled.

"Well, I was hoping you can solve this!" Ray yelled back.

"How am I suppose to solve this, this ridiculous!" Jeff replied. "Now I'm going to be butt fucked while a hundred people are going to masturbate to it"

"No more talking!" Celestia exclaimed as she was getting nearer and nearer."Here comes, TIA!" Celestia yelled as she pounced unto them.

The two men closed there eyes and screamed at the top of there lungs like there were in a opera house. There life flashing before there very eyes. They screamed for about fifteen seconds, but nothing happened to them. All they can hear was a buzzing sound. They slowly open there eyes to see Celestia was on the ground having a seizure of some kind. A closer observation shows that there was a wire connected to her. There eyes follow to line to the end of the wire, where they saw a pink-colored alicorn with a crystal heart as its butt tattoo holding with its magic what appears to be a taser.

"Princess Cadence?" Jeff questioned.

*sipping coffee noises*Cadance gaze the two human and put on a sheepish smile. "Oh...um...I would like to apologize for the actions of my aunt that caused you so much distressed. I can assure you there's a good explanation on why she did all those... lewd... things to you" She took a quick glace at the twitching Celestia and gazed back at the two humans, Still having the sheepish smile.

"Were listening," Ray said.

"Well...um you see it happened when I was visiting Canterlot to visit my Aunt Celestia and Aunt Luna, and I notice that they were so caught up on there work leading the kingdom that it made them into mindless drones. They looked like there they haven't got a good amount of sleep in days and they barely eaten enough food on there plate because their just so busy with there work. They were stress as Tartarus, so I decided to cast a relaxation spell on them to relieve there stress, unfortunately my spell kinda... backfired" Cadance sheepishly said, rubbing her hoof at the back of her head. "Instead of relieving there stress, the spell made them want to fulfill there deepest and darkest desires. hehe..." Cadance looked away from the Jeff and Ray and chuckled to herself. "So...I'm really sorry for what I did and what my aunt did to you. I assure it won't happen again." Cadence bowed his in apology and used her magic to teleport her and Celestia, leaving Jeff and Ray just blankly staring where Cadance used to be.

Jeff was the first one to break the silence."Well... that was... surely interesting."

"Yeah..." Ray replied.

*sipping coffee noises*They stand there for five seconds until they both started to chuckle at each other which turn into all-out-laughter. After all they have been through today, they deserve it, especially Ray. That is until Cadance reappeared in front of them which make them yelped. "Oh, sorry about that. I'm just back here to tell you that my Aunt Luna is still missing and I just like to inform you this because my Aunt Celestia has really take a liking to you" She said as she looked at Ray. "So...maybe my Aunt Luna will come after you to. Just message me with this if you find her" She handed Ray a blanked scroll, a quill, and a small bottle. Inside was a green flame that spike uses to message Celestia in the show. After she handed the items to him, she used her magic to teleport back to Equestria.

As if on cue, Luna appeared. Holding with her magic was a large and thick whip with letter written on it that reads 'WHO'S YOUR BEST PRINCESS'.

"Well,well,well...it seems I found two humans for my enjoyment" Luna said seductively. "It seems that the fun has been... doubled"

"It never ends, does it?" Jeff asked.

"Nope..." Ray replied.

"HUZZAH!" Luna yelled as she leaped unto the two humans.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" They screamed in unison.

THE END

*sipping coffee noises*

Now... your probably wondering what happened to Ray and Jeff when they were jumped by Luna. Did they got saved yet again by Cadance? Or did another deus ex machina appeared to save there asses? Or maybe... they just excepted their fate?

Well your guess as good as mind because as far as I know, that's the end of the story. This story is called 'Horny Sunbutt' not 'Horny Moonbutt: Rise of the Sadist'.

And you can't blame me, I'm just the narrator. I'm here narrate stories, drink coffee, and fuck bitches... and there's no bitches in sight.

*sipping coffee noises*