A FILLY Big Problem

by TheMajorTechie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4604

After yet another catastrophic failure on Twilight's behalf, Celestia wakes up to find herself in... a filly's body?

Yet again, Twilight failed at her own craft. A single misfire was all it took to revert Celestia's body to that of a filly, and not only that, but now she behaves like a filly...

...at least Luna's gonna have Equestria to herself. (Maybe.)

I'm looking for cover art! PM me if you'd like to help!

Published 2016-05-17 23:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-04 00:38:20 UTC

...Oopsie?

Twilight teleported into Canterlot Castle, a look of worry spread across her face. Quickly, she navigated the snaking halls of the palace, making her way to the throne room.

As Twilight entered the grand throne room, she gasped. "It did happen," she whispered, "that one accident... it really did do it." All about the room, Luna was chasing a tiny hyperactive alicorn filly, followed by a barrage of guards who seemed to be\ doing everything that they could to keep the filly Celestia from destroying the place. Upon Twilight's, they all stopped and glared. It was as if time itself had suddenly frozen in it's tracks. The filly princess also stopped, but only for a short moment. Immediately, she went back to doing whatever it was she was doing. In this particular case, it was chewing her mane while doing backflips. Luna immediately began a ranting shout. "YOU!" she yelled, "TWILIGHT, YOU... YOU MISTAKE...ER, LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO MY SISTER!"

Across the room, the tiny alicorn shoved aside large pillar, which upon losing it's center of gravity to the princess, toppled over towards a large majority of the guards. Luckily, ponies are kinda squishy in a way, so the guards were perfectly fine, though albeit stuck.

Twilight hoofed the ground. "Oopsies?" was all she could muster up. Her head hung low, though under all that, Luna could tell that she seemed to be enjoying what she was seeing behind her.

A harsh glare shot from Luna's highest ranked guard. "Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship," he began, "I see quite well that you appear to enjoy the chaos. Are you affiliated with the one known as Discord?"

Twilight winced as a large explosion sent guards and bits of the pillar flying. "It was only an accident... I misfired a spell when Pinkie surprised me..."

Luna spoke as Celestia blasted away at one of the thrones. "Indeed, Twilight. And that misfire somehow managed to hit Celestia on the face, through the window, just as she was eating a slice of cake." She turned to watch the filly destroy several more valuable objects around the room. "And now, not only is Celestia a filly again, but due to the cake that she ate moments before, she's even more hyperactive than we could ever fear."

Twilight sheepishly grinned. "Oh, sorry me. Sorry, sorry, so-"

She was immediately cut off by a tiny white hoof, which was attached to the tiny white alicorn hovering beside her. "SHHH!" whispered Celestia, "The cake monster is nearby!"

Twilight swat the hoof from her mouth. "And you... you taste like cake too, Celestia."

Celestia waved both of her front hooves in a sweet little show of adorable pride. "I know," she said happily, "I was helping in the kitchen earlier!"

Chef Ramzee's chest heaved as he steadied himself on a portion of the counter. All about the kitchen was destruction. That is, destruction in the form of magic-infused cake batter. Just moments earlier, a savage demon apparently spawned from Tartarus itself rose from the mixing bowl that he had lent to Celestia for the purpose of tasting the batter. Just moments after the initial rising of whatever the buck the horrid thing was, it promptly rampaged through the entire kitchen chambers, feasting itself on anything that would normally be used to make cake. For all he knew, that monster could be anywhere in the castle now.

Luna facehoofed. "Tia," she began, "you do realize that the only way that you've helped so far is helping to destroy this castle. Perhaps you should also take into consideration that the 'Cake Monster' that you've been running from has been terrifying the palace staff for the past half an hour. I recommend that you stop this foalishness immediately, sister."

Celestia sat on her haunches and pouted. "Aww, you're no fun, Lulu," she said, "all you like to do all day is sit in front of the big glowy flat thingy and press buttons on that board thingy while shouting mean things at ponies inside the flat thingy."

Luna groaned. "Tia," she began, "for your information, that 'big glowy flat thingy' is my TV, and the 'board thingy' is the controller for my game console. Those ponies inside the 'flat thingy' are just characters in the game I was playing."

Celestia continued her little tantrum. "And all you like to do all night is stare straight up, Lulu. Is there a problem with your neck?"

Luna frantically waved her hooves around in self defense as the little terror of a filly tackled her with the full force of an Earth Pony. "Lemme get a look, Lulu!" She wailed, "I wanna play doctor!"

Twilight sat and watched the action from a distance-- the other side of the room.

Suddenly, a familiar voice began echoing throughout the throne room. "So, kid, do ya wanna play a game???"

The filly princess' eyes lit up. "Game?" she said, "I like games!" she took off, and began flying about the room. "What's the game?"

Discord abruptly appeared in front of Luna. "Well well," he said, "what do we have here?" Just as Celestia few by, he plucked her out of the air, and flicked her muzzle.

Luna waved aside Discord. "Nothing, just a certain filly that came from the result of a certain Twilight Sparkle that I know..."

Discord jokingly shot a strangely disturbing stare at Twilight. "Ooh, so we have a new mother here, eh?"

Twilight paused to let the words soak in. Finally, she began sputtering. "I...but...I uh...it's...just... NO!"

Celestia watched as Twilight's face slowly began twisting into the classic 'Insane Twilight' mode that had been plastered across her face that one time. "Lulu?" she whispered, "I'm scared."

Luna pat her filly sister on the head. "Nothing to worry about, Tia. I'll get rid of that scary pony for you." She grinned maniacally as she charged her horn, and in a moment, Twilight found herself flying away in a box labeled, "Send to: Insane Asylum". She then set her sister back down on the floor, but immediately snatched her back up again upon hearing the terrifying growl of whatever demon Celestia had risen from Tartarus.

"AHH!" Celestia giggled, "IT'S THE CAKE MONSTER!"

She began running in little circles about the room, apparently pretending to find shelter. Suddenly, the throne room doors burst open, revealing the ugliest, slimiest, biggest, and above all, sweetest of any monster that Luna had ever seen in her years of life. Possibly even before life even.

At the sight of the monster, Discord immediately teleported himself into a small makeshift loft on the ceiling, all prepared to watch the face-off with a bucket of cornpop beside him.

Luna was left as the only pony standing against the monster, except for the bubbly filly that was ravaging her mane.

"Sparkly," Celestia giggled as she tied more strands of her sister's mane, "It's like the night sky..."

An ear-shattering roar frightened the two princesses back to the hulking mass of sugar and flour growling in the center of the room.

Author's Note

Cake monster! :trollestia:

I edited this chapter on May 18th, 2016 to let the story flow a bit more slowly to avoid confusion. :pinkiehappy:

CAKE FIGHT!

I think I might have to add the gore tag for the horrible end of the cake. :rainbowderp:

"CAKE FIGHT!!!" Squealed Celestia, pointing a scrawny hoof towards the mass of sugar.

Luna sat beside her sister, clearly dumbfounded by either the sheer amount of cake presented in front of the two sisters, or the fact that she was just about to be eaten by the thing that her sister eats the most.

"Uh... I think I'll leave, Tia," whispered Luna to her sister. She promptly stood up, and teleported into her bedroom, leaving only the filly princess and her loyal guards.

Once again, Celestia shot a hoof towards the cake, which still did absolutely nothing except for sit there, salivating on the floor. All at once, the remaining guards charged the cake, their spears piercing the fluffy layer of frosted 'skin' on the cake. The beast yowled in pain, and began swatting at the guards. The guards, upon their contact with the warm arms of the cake beast, simply chewed their way through the already flimsy arms, causing the ends to fly off into the deeper end of the room, trailed by long puffs of frosting and jelly. Just as before, the cake howled with pain and anger, and began ferociously counterattacking guards. A magical plume of frosting shot out from the monster, striking a guard in the face and temporarily blinding him.

"I CANT'T SEE! BACKUP, I NEED BACKUP!" he yelled, stumbling into other guards. All at once, they fell as if they were dominoes.

Celestia simply sat on her throne and squee'd in delight, clapping her hooves. Clearly, she amused by the battle taking place in front of her.

In a veil of fury, the cake monster continued it's assault on the guards, throwing precisely aimed sugary treats at each and every one of them. Some guards were fast enough to react, practically swallowing the pieces whole, while other, more unfortunate members were tragically struck down by the sweets, pinned to the ground by the sheer amount of sugar.

By now, the cake monster had thrown off nearly a third of it's mass, and seemed as if it were bleeding heavily. That is, if strawberry jelly is it's equivalent to blood. All about the room, bits and pieces of the pastry were smeared across the walls, floor, and ceiling. Combined with the jelly, the room looked as if it were dripping with bloody pieces of cake.

After recovering from her crazed giggle fits, the filly princess finally realized just how messy the room was. After casting a simply amplification spell, she used the closest thing that a foal her age could possibly have to the Royal Canterlot Voice.

I NEED A JANITOR HERE!!!

Her high-pitched voice echoed throughout the entire castle, and even caused some windows in the surrounding city to simply give way and shatter. As for the cake, the sheer amount of force that her voice had had sent it tumbling backwards in a frantic whirlwind of cake limbs to steady itself. Sadly for the cake, it was too late. The moment Celestia stopped to take a breath, the cake had already hit the back wall, causing it to explode violently in a flurry of strawberry jelly and frosting.

As the guards stopped to help each other get up, the janitor team entered the room.

"Hey, Celestia, you ca--WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED HERE?!"

Author's Note

A good cake monster is a messy cake monster.

(It also must be delicious to clean up. :trollestia:)

Shorter chapter today just because I didn't feel like writing much other than to empty out the things in my head.

Infiltrating the Crystal Empire

As the janitorial team hastily cleaned up the mess in the throne room, Celestia snuck through the window. The second that she was out of sight, she took off. One short spell cast later, and she was disguised once more as the infamous pegasus known as "Sunny Skies". Only this time, Sunny Skies was much younger than she had been the last dozen times she had been out.

After landing at the Canterlot Train station, she presented the Ticketmaster enough bits to get a seat in the first-class car. Of course she did. It was the car that had the cake.

Though it was questionable as to how Sunny Skies went from a slightly pyromaniac mare to a sweet little cake-nibbling filly, most ponies couldn't care less about the difference. She was still Sunny Skies, and as long as she was there, she still brought light to their hearts. Literally.

After stuffing her face with about three batches of cupcakes, her filly body could no longer hold in the sheer amount of energy that had been building up since that morning. Immediately, Sunny Skies burst into an amazing light show, first starting with an aura that seemed eerily as if it came from a horn, and then escalating rapidly to a full-scale laser party, momentarily blinding everyone in the car. Along with that, she had also attracted the attention of both Discord and Pinkie, of whom both instantaneously teleported to the scene. In Discord's case, it was just for the sheer chaos that was taking place. As for Pinkie, she obviously sensed a party.

Upon arrival at the recently built Crystal Train Station, the train doors opened up, releasing a torrential downpour of partygoers. Some way or another, Pinkie had managed to teleport any and every pony within a mile radius of the train into the party. As one might expect, the ponies simply shrugged off the sudden change of scenery, 'cause who wouldn't like a free party?

As the tsunami of ponies began slowing to a trickle, Sunny Skies stumbled out. In her mind, she made a note to self; Never start a crazy rave party in a stuffy train car.

Once she recovered from the crazed mob mentality, she set back to her original goal. Not too long ago, before her transformation, she had come to the Crystal Empire to attend the Crystalling of Flurry Heart, another alicorn foal. But that was back then. Now, as a foal herself, she could easily make friends with the little filly, and get away with it.

After she arrived at the palace in the center of the city, she quietly altered her disguise spell, opting for a more aged body, much like her old self. She would have to look as close to herself as possible if she wanted to enter. Luckily, the disguise spell had also taken affect on her vocal chords. Now, instead of sounding like the squeaky little filly she was, she sounded like her old self; Regal, grand, refined. At the sight of the Princess, the palace guards immediately opened the doors, allowing for her entrance.

After the guards closed the doors, Celestia dropped her disguise, and made her way towards the dining room, where she found Flurry Heart being fed in her royal high-chair.

Author's Note

Ooh boy, two destructive alicorn fillies in one room!

What'll happen next?! :pinkiecrazy:

The Dynamic Duo of Destruction

Celestia planted her tiny hoof into the tile floor, her Alicorn strength amplifying it to the point of which the entire palace began trembling.

Immediately, both Shining Armor and Cadence shot a firm glare in her direction, fully expecting some sort of intruder... only to find a tiny Celestia with a pouty-face.

Cadence was the first to react to the strange phenomenon. "Uh... Aunt Celestia?" She began, "Why are you... y'know, a filly?"

"NotimetoexplaingottaplayalldaywithanotherfillybecauseI'mfeelingsoupbeatfromthattrainravepartyand--" Celestia took a deep breath, and continued her rambling. "--Ijustreallywanttoplay."

Flurry Heart began giggling as Shining Armor lifted her from the high-chair. "Well, uh, Celestia, there's Flurry Heart here, you could play with her for now."

Celestia's eyes lit up. "Yes! Yes all day! I'd LOVE to play with your daughter!"

Shining Armor cleared his throat, and shot a questioning look at Celestia.

"Uh, I mean, Sure, I'd like to watch after your daughter for the time being..."

Shining looked at Cadence, who nodded. "Fine, you'll watch after our daughter for an hour, but no more, and no less. Even if you are the Princess, I still don't fully trust anypony, ever since that one incident on my wedding day..."

Cadence began trailing off her words, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. As her soft weeping began, Shining began patting her back.

"OOook..." Celestia whispered to herself, "Now that that's done and over with, what should I call our team..."

Celestia's attention was quickly overtaken by Flurry Heart, who had already crawled over to her.

"Hi," Celestia said politely, "You wanna play?"

Flurry Heart blew a raspberry, and rolled over giggling.

"I'll take that as a yes."

With that, and Shining Armor's permission, Celestia flew out of the castle, Flurry Heart in tow, ready for the adventures that awaited her. During mid-flight, she watched the terrain underneath her transform from the metropolitan maze of streets to the vast plantations of the outlying rural areas of the Empire. Her eyes set upon a small hill with several trees. She turned her head towards Flurry Heart, who's continued giggling assured her that she was indeed enjoying the ride.

Within seconds, the two found themselves on the hill, which from what Celestia could tell from above, wasn't covered with blooming flowers before. The pollen rose into the air in small clouds everywhere they stepped, and as all pollen does, they triggered the allergies.

Because of their sheer distance from the Crystal Heart, Flurry Heart's full Alicorn powers had been fully unleashed, and with a single sneeze, a massive, smoking crater formed on the ground beside the two.

"Well then," began Celestia, "I bet I can outdo that..."

She charged her horn, and sent a devastating blast hurtling straight into the ground, unveiling all sorts of various treasures, ranging from ancient fossils, to the buried treasure of a long-forgotten pirate who apparently loved land sharks.

Flurry Heart watched the destruction unfold in awe, her immature mind registering it as something she definitely had to do herself. Her face crunched up into an adorable, yet strangely constipated figure, as she purposefully charged her horn for the first time. Within a matter of seconds, an even larger beam of destruction shot all around the area, turning every building within almost a mile radius into burning piles of rubble.

It was then where Celestia realized what her team name should be. "Hey Flurry," she yelled excitedly.

The smaller Alicorn filly turned her attention to the larger filly.

"Let's call ourselves the 'Dynamic Duo of Destruction', or the 'Triple-D-struction' for short."

As she hadn't learned to speak yet, Flurry Heart could only babble happily in return.

Author's Note

Hyperactive Trollestia filly + Full-power Flurry Heart = Doom to Equuis. :trollestia::pinkiecrazy:

Tia Made a Boom-Boom

Author's Note

Argh! Finals testing practically wiped my brain clean of story ideas... All I can think of are test answers now. This'll be the last chapter for a little while. I'ma take a break from writing. :facehoof:

Tia Made a Boom-Boom

Celestia made her way back to the Crystal Palace. It had been quite the day of destruction, but even that couldn't drain her energy. She is an Alicorn, after all. The moment she got back on the train, she kick-started the party once more.

And then... boom.

Oh Look, a Ponk.

Little shreds of confetti and candy ricocheted about the passenger compartments, Celestia gobbling as many as she could from the air. At the very end of the car, Pinkie Pie held a triple-barrel party cannon.

"LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"

Vinyl Scratch was shot from the party cannon, as well as her gear. At first, she was extremely distraught, and couldn't do much else besides glance about in confusion. But once she got on...

Just as before, the entire inside of the train became a living light show, blinding not only all the passengers, but anyone within visible range of the train itself.

Even Discord was dancing inside, though "dancing" was an understatement. In reality, he was doing a combination of the Cha-Cha, the Chicken Dance, and a strange set of moves he called "Boogie Soup", though nopony dared to question it's name.

"PARTY HARD, PEEPS!"

Celestia was now at the top of a stage, dancing like there was no tomorrow. Her mane fluttered about with her headbanging, and little specks of sweat had begun to dampen her coat.

By the time the train arrived at the station, she had fallen fast asleep.

Pinkie stepped back through her personal pocket portal.

Discord was cuddling up with the filly Celestia.

Berry Punch had already fainted before anypony else had even gotten tired.

Vinyl was still jamming, not caring at all about the fact that everyone else was sleeping.

"Ahem."

Celestia's ear perked up, swiveling in the direction of the voice.

"Princess, you've arrived."

Celestia yawned loudly, only to have a pink hoof get shoved into her mouth.

"Hey lookie here, Celestia's eating my hoof!"

The guard facehoofed, and pried Pinkie off the princess.

"Miss, the princess requires her rest. Even if you are an element, you must leave at once."

Pinkie waved her wet hoof. "Fine fine. I'll go."

Nodding the guard began to turn back to Celestia.

"Oh, but what if I stick my hoof in your mouth?"

"Wai--mmphf!"

As Pinkie and the guard squabbled, a faint glow began to radiate around Celestia. The spell set on her had begun to wear off...

Aww, why can't she stay as a filly?

WHO LET THE PONK IN HERE?!

Author's Note

I got bored. :trollestia: Have fun with the first update in months!

A Fork in the Road

Luna huffed impatiently as she watched her big-little sister playing outside. Celestia held a fork in her grasp, repeatedly stabbing the road with it.

"Tia, why do you take humor in damaging our neatly paved roads?"

Celestia shrugged, and continued stabbing the road. The faint glow around her body had intensified to the point in which one could barely see it if they tried.

And it just happened that Luna was glaring at the filly princess, noticing the faint glow as a result.

"Tia, why does your coat glow in Techicolor?"

Once again, Celestia shrugged, and continued her pointless game of 'Fork in the Road'.

In a dramatic twist of fate, Twilight Sparkle appeared before her mentor once more, her mildly frazzled mane causing Celestia to yelp, and hide behind her sister.

"Lulu? That scary mare's here again..." Celestia whimpered.

Twilight quickly fixed her hair, her crazed smile gone.

This time, she held a clipboard.

"Celestia," she said sternly, "the spell's wearing out."

Luna suddenly cheered with glee.

"YES! TIA'S GONNA BE NORMAL AGAIN!"

Twilight glared at Luna.

"Er, my sister will be returned to a semi-ordinary state?"

Twilight shook her head.

"No, it's not that."

Luna cocked her head.

"What do you mean, Twilight?"

Twilight sighed, and pointed at her clipboard.

"You see, the spell I had accidentally hit Celestia with was an experimental spell meant to modify the dimension of Time, therefore splitting us into a branching universe based on the outcome of a variable decision-making spell that goes along with the one that hit Celestia."

"Aaaand?"

"It's time for your sister to pick her path. We've come to the fork in the road."

Celestia's ears perked at the mentioning of forks and roads in the same sentence, and immediately zoomed over towards Twilight.

"Celestia, right now, you've got the mindset of a filly, and the body of one, too. Since the spell will never permanently wear off, that means you've got a decision to make."

Celestia raised a brow.

"What decision?"

"You can either pick to have your mind returned to a normal state, or your body returned to a no--"

"No," Celestia said, cutting off Twilight, "What's a decision?"

Twilight facehoofed.

"A decision is when you have to pick one choice out of several, and--"

"How many choices can there be?"

"Ugh," Twilight grunted, "the amount of choices depends on what you've done to come to the decision."

"So what's my choices for this?"

Twilight glared fiercely at the filly princess, before continuing, "You can have the mind of a mare but the body of a filly, or the body of a mare and the mind of a filly."

"Why not both?"

By now, Luna had already taken out a tablet and played three matches against two teams of seven opponents, single-hoofedly PWN-ing them all. She payed little attention to the current scene that was being created.

"BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY TWO CHOICES, YOU LITTLE--"

Pinkie suddenly warped through space, landing perfectly between Celestia and Twilight.

"Hiya, Princesses!" She said happily, shaking the hooves of said princesses.

"Pinkie, what are you doi--"

Pinkie cut Twilight off with a hoof as she pulled out a bottle of steaming clear liquid, and promptly broke the bottle across Celestia's face.

"WHAT THE BUCK, PINKIE, WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!"

Pinkie pointed at Celestia, who was now back in her adult form, both mentally and physically. Though she was currently dripping wet with the potion oozing off her coat.

"It's just a little something I mixed with Zecora to get Celly here back to normal!"

Twilight curiously inspected the droplets of the potion that clung to Celestia's coat. Celestia herself didn't mind, for she was still dazed from having being smacked across the face.

"What's it made of?" Twilight asked inquisitively.

"It's a diluted mixture of mind bleach and chaos magic!"

Discord appeared beside Pinkie, clearly angered.

"Pinkie!"

"What?" Pinkie replied, twirling around to face Discord.

"Why didn't you tell me when you plucked a hair from my glorious beard?!"

Pinkie shrugged. "It's just a beard," she replied, "what's up with it?"

"MY BEARD'S PERFECT NOW! I NEED A MESSY BEARD!"

Pinkie rolled her eyes, and pulled a slightly shorter strand of Discord's beard-hair from her mane.

"I only needed a tiny bit, y'know."

Discord took the strand and stuffed it back into his tuft of beard.

"Thank you, and now, I bid adieu."

Discord vanished in a puff of cotton candy, which Pinkie Pie promptly swallowed immediately after.

Twilight stood speechless, her mouth moving, but no sound coming out.

Pinkie whistled a light tune to herself as she flew away on her tail.

Celestia slept soundly on the ground, her energy completely depleted from her days as a filly.

"YEAH! NEW HIGH SCORE!" Luna shouted, bursting in laughter.

"YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT LUL4-SH4D0W!"

Suddenly, Luna became aware of her surroundings, as well as her now-"normal" sister.

"Oh, hey Tia."

Author's Note

That last part there was quite the kicker... :pinkiecrazy:

Celestial Time-Bomb

For the rest of the day, Celestia and Flurry Heart were busy blowing up absolutely everything that they could get their little hooves on. And with Celestia's strength, and Flurry's new liking to explosions, there wasn't anything that could possibly stop them... except for the fact that Twilight crash landed in the middle of one of their craters.

"HI!" screeched Twilight, her sanity still in shambles, "WaTcha dOin' tHERE?!"

Celestia stepped back, afraid of the crazy mare. "Uh... nothing. How 'bout this? What if you just got up... and left?

Twilight teleported in front of the Celestial Filly, and smacked her cheek with the side of her hoof. "WHat iF a crazy Mare CaME in HERe And SLapPed YoU? OH WaIT..." She leaned in closely, allowing her breath to roll across Celestia's face. "I'm tHE cRaZy mARE!"

Flurry Heart continued her happily pointless babbling, and hit Celestia with a massive bolt of energy.

"Ugh, what happened?" Groaned Celestia, lifting her face from the dirt.

Moondancer, who had been sent out to inspect the massive outburst of energy, replied, "You were hit by a powerful spell from Flurry Heart, who has since been returned to Cadence and Shining Armor. As for you, I'm pretty sure that you're a living time-bomb. No worries, though, the explosion itself won't even hurt you."

Celestia, now fully awake, blinked. "Wut?"

Author's Note

I barely have any time at all, so I just rattled this out in about ten minutes between getting home and a school project for my finals. :moustache: