Chapters I am Ruffcoat, I am a shoop!
I am Shoop!
The indignity of all of this.
“ah sugercubes, just relax naow and we’ll have all of yall fixed up in a jiffy!” the orange farmer shouted over the herd. I could hear the barely restrained laughter in her voice. Gods I bucking hate her.
Her annoying friend had come threw only minutes earlier and painted us all pink as a “prank”, the nerve of that blasted pony!; and the worst part of it was that the herd just sat there doing nothing while she painted us, all 50 of us!
“just stand there and do nothing ruffcoat” mary had whispered to me when the stupid rainbow mare had arrived. She was the only one that I had ever vented my hatred of this life to, but even then she wasn’t like me. We sheep have a “good” life here, plenty of pasture, space, and have our needs taken care of as long as we stay in the herd!
The bucking herd … I’ve spent my entire life, 20 years by the pony-calendar, unenthusiastically following the one rule of sheepdom. “Always follow the herd” . Where had that gotten me? My mother got eaten by timberwolves years ago, my relatives exchanged with other herds, my ‘friends’ experimented on by this bucking mare’s purple friend who showed up one day, and now I’m pink BUCKING PINK because I had to follow the herd.
“Ruffcoat, yer up next!” an impossibly high pitched voice boomed from inside the barn.
Ugh her sister… The orange one’s little sister had been given the task of getting us all clean, which meant that she would find some way to make it all worse. She was sweet at times, but given any reasonably simple task she could and would inevitably destroy something, and when you add in her two friends... things only got worse.
I shuddered at the thought of when they had tried to sheer the herd once for a "sheep clipping cutie mark!" as they had loudly put it.
I was pulled from my thoughts by the press of wooly bodies behind me, forcing me to enter the barn where my expectations were not disappointed.
Yep, she made it worse. The little apple had thought to stick everyone through the same bath, which by now meant that the water was completely pink as roughly half the herd had progressed through the barn.
I tried turn around but the herd pushed me forward anyways.
I looked between the bath and the little apple. “Shouldn’t you um I don’t know, change out the water? I mean that looks like it’ll make me more pink…” I finally said, as kindly as possible.
“Naaw its all fine as apples, ma big sister said to give you all a bath and this’ll clean you all up nice and shiny!” she boomed.
I facehoofed. “No you don’t get it, the bath water is already soaked. You’re just going to make this” I said gesturing to my pink coat, “worse.”
Cramit she’s not listening. “just get in ruffcoat, the rest of the herd is waiting. ” A voice behind me whispered.
For the herd, always for the herd. What had the herd done to stop this? What was the herd going to do about preventing this? NOTHING, they just sat around like… like…. Like the sheep we are…
….
At that moment, something inside me snapped.
“NO!” I shouted.
The little apple jumped at my outburst, knocking over the set of brushes and somehow catapulted the tub towards the line of slightly washed sheep, soaking them the dyed water, making them pink as before. The little filly burst into tears and run away.
“RUFFCOAT!” the entire herd shouted in unison now that the apples were out of earshot.
Gods I hate it when they do that…. One member stomped out from the group. Here comes Jan to the rescue…
“RUFFCOAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Jan shouted. "YOU JUST HAD TO GET IN THE TUB, NOW YOU’VE UPSET THE APPLES!” She was the current herdmaster and was not pink like the rest of us because she had gotten in first and had been standing away from the rest of us as her position dictated. Gods I hate her so bucking much .
She was obsessed with appeasing the Apples, “never upset them, never make them feel sad, never offend them!” she had once drilled. “the apples are our life, they are our friends but we must also respect them!”
Buck the Apples and their whole bucking farm! I paid my dues, I let them shave me bald every few months without one complaint for 16 years and the apples and the herd let the timberwolves take my mother. I never spoke out any of the times they let their purple friend experiment on us with her magic, all because the apples provided the herd with a farm. I never voiced my anger when Jan sold the herd’s wool for stupid prices. I never cried when we were forced to eat grass when the herd’s funds were low!
Buck them, Buck every single one of them, Buck the herd for being sheep, BUCK MYSELF for being one of them!
...I am not a sheep. I thought.
Jan was still busy chewing me out, repeating her tired dribble.
I am not a sheep…..
Sheep were talentless. Sheep lived in a herd, doing what they were told, giving some of their wool up in exchange for a home, selling for what they could to survive.
If I’m not a sheep, then what am I? I am not going to be a sheep anymore, but I’m not a pony either. I’m not a sheep, but I’m not a pony…. I’m an individual…. I’m a shoop.
I am a shoop…
“….and furthermore, if you continue this behavior, there will be consequences Ruffcoat! Hey are you even listening to me? RUFFCOAT ANSWER ME!” While I had been self-actualizing, Jan had continued reciting me the herd code.
“Buck you Jan.” I said, standing up on my hind legs.
“EXCUSE ME!?” she said, her face contorted in rage.
“You heard me, Buck you, I’m done with this.” I said and turned to walk away, still on my hind legs for some reason, it just felt right.
“ RUFFCOAT, if you walk out on this herdI’ll make sure no other herd will ever take you in! What is a sheep without a herd!? ” she shouted after me.
The herd, the bucking mother herd! I stopped and turned around to face her.
“I AM NOT A SHEEP!" I shouted. "I.... am a shoop!” I proudly declared. “I am a shoop and I don’t need a herd!” I said feeling the power behind my words.
I waited for a response. The herd burst into laughter. All of them laughed. These were my so called “family” and they thought I was nuts.
When Jan finally stopped laughing herself, she came over and put her forehooves on me. “Ruffcoat, you are a sheep. No matter what you want to think, you can’t escape that. What will you as a ‘shoop’ do for a living without a herd?” Jan asked sarcastically.
“I….I…..I don’t know but its better off out there than here, at least out there I’m not going to get experimented on, or magiced around, or… or turned bucking pink!” I said, pushing back against Jan, knocking her over into the rest of the dyed sheep.
“Fine, go off on your little fantasy, I’ll even give you a week to do it, but don’t come back starving or begging after that!” she bellowed from the pile.
The herd shifted around nervously. Its nearly unheard of for one to be expelled from a herd, and even then it was usually arranged for another herd to take them in. After all what is a sheep without a herd?
But I am not going to be a sheep any longer! I thought. Without even bothering to answer Jan’s taunt, I pirouetted on my back legs and walked away, still upright somehow. I decided from that point onshoops will no longer walk on their front legs like a common sheep.
The rest of the herd parted around me until I was clear of the barn and the yard.
I was going past the house when I heard crying and voices from just inside. “...aw shucks, it ain’t yer fault, that ruffcoat has always been a little rude.” I heard the orange one say to her sister. She must have run back here crying after I scared her.
Buck I don’t want to see them right now. I hid behind some barrels as they came out of the house.
“ahm sure I’ll talk to Jan and she’ll straighten him out, heck he’s probably as sorry about the whole thing as you are.” She said to her trailing sister. Like hell I’m apologizing for her ineptness! I told her that bath needed changing, and also the orange apple was supposed to take care of us, that’s the deal and she bucked the job to her incompetent little sister!
Out of their way, I crept out of my hiding place and picked up my pace.
I set out into the orchard. The apple farm was large, but there was only four of the apples around most of the time, and one of them stayed near the house, so all I had to do was avoid the red one and I’m free.
I had picked a random path through the trees when a deep voice called out. “hey, what’er you doin away from yer herd?”
Startled, I lost my balance and fell onto the fluff ball that was my tail.
Haggis, I thought. I must have wandered into the big red one’s path.
He was a genuine giant among even his kind. I had heard that he once pulled a building around by a rope on accident without even noticing, and then we’ve all seen him accidentally knock trees clean out of the ground before, and don’t get me started on how much wood he can buck.
“Did ya get separated from the herd little guy?” he asked offering a hoof. Even on my back legs my ears would barely come up to his wooden yoke.
I looked between the offered hoof and his downward gaze. For all the intimidating tales that had been spun about him, he had nothing but good intent on his muzzle.
Maybe I was wrong about him . I thought.
I grabbed the hoof and he nearly yanked my foreleg off. I managed to let go before he pulled me completely off balance.
“Here just follow me and I’ll get ya back to yer herd.” He said, after I had regained my composure.
Buck those guys, I’m never turning back. “Sorry, I’m not going back to the herd.” I said. “I’m tired of giving my life to the herd and I've decided to strike out on my own.”
The red giant mulled over what I said for a few moments before responding. “Well if’en you’re really set on goin out on your own, ya probably wanna wash off that dye there. I’d recommend the creek just up ahead.” He said with complete earnestness. “Good luck at whatever ya find out you wanna do.”
Without another word, he turned away and went back into the orchard to buck apples like he always did.
Huh, he was more accepting than I thought he would be. I set off in the direction he indicated making a mental note to send him a letter someday when I’ve figured out what to do with myself.
Sure enough, once I cleared the orchard, there was a shallow creek just outside the farm that washed the dye right out of my coat. As I laid down in the sun to dry I contemplated what I had done.
So what do I do now? I thought. What do Shoops do? What is my special shoop talent? Ponies have those magical talent stamps that they claim makes them good at everything, but what can I do?
All I had done for my entire life was follow the herd, listen to the herd, eat grass for the herd, and give my wool for the herd, but now I’m not in a herd, nor as a single sheep could I support myself on just my wool alone.
Maybe I hadn’t thought this through . I considered with a sigh. I’m not going back to the farm, I’d probably be quietly traded off to another herd anyways after what I had done to the little apple so I was already on my own I guess.
What is a singular sheep supposed to do though? Sheep live for the herd, what do shoop live for?
Think Ruffcoat, you’re the first shoop, you can have them do whatever they want!
Shoop… I had been calling myself that for about an hour now but I hadn’t really thought about what it was, in all honesty It was a joke in of itself from when the little apple had first started talking and couldn’t understand the difference between sheep and sheep.
She had mistakenly called a single sheep a shoop back then and I had always subconsciously liked the word.
Ponies have pony, dragons have dragon, gryphons have gryphon, singular; but sheep, well there’s sheep and then there’s sheep, they are by the very name, a group. Either by custom or nature, it was always we, never I.
Never did I live in a house, sheep lived in pastures and pens. Never had I had a meal, sheep ate as a herd.
My stomach growled at the thought of food.
Shoops need food too, that’s what I currently needed. Normally the herd ate hay when times were good provided we were able to sell our wool for good prices, but when that wasn’t the case, we ate from the pasture because we had no choice.
As the founding member of the shoop race, I solemnly put my hoof down at the thought. Never will a shoop have to stoop that low to survive. They will dine on hay like the civilized ponies! Hay they purchased with their own coin! They will toil, they will work, but they shall not be a slave to the fluctuating price of the local commodity market!
My stomach groaned again.
This was all well and good but there's still the question of what a newly proclaimed shoop can do for bits? As much as it pained me to acknowledge it, I was still no better off than the sheep I had left behind.
All I had to my name was the wool off my back, legs, forelegs, head, and well everything else. Fortunately it was early spring and I was in need of a trim, so at least I had a full coat that I could sell.
Buck-it, when we write the history books on the shoop race, I’ll just leave that bit out. I thought with a chuckle.
Maybe that tailor friend of the Apples would be interested, she usually bought some of the herd’s wool in the off season when she needed materials.
That’s probably a good place as any to start. Maybe I could convince her to make me some cloths as well. She was also always bragging about making outfits for exotic customers, what could be more exotic than the founding member of an entirely new species?
Again I chuckled.
With at least some form of plan, I set off down the road towards where I thought her shop was. It’s not like I had ever really been in town much. The herd never wanted to go into the town except on the rare occasion when we were invited and even then the farmer needed to guide the herd into town because they’re all too afraid to go alone. Even the cows go into town to get things for the love of goat! At any rate I needed some bits and maybe I could find something better to do there.
For all the anger I still had felt towards my former herd, I hadn’t felt more excited in my entire life.
With a spring in my two legged step, I practically skipped into town, drawing stares from colorful ponies along my way.
I felt like I had woken up to the world around me, meanwhile everyone I had known were still stubbornly sleeping away, afraid to open their eyes to change. This world will come to know what a shoop can do!
Author's Note
Bronies and Pegasisters have done OCs of ponies, wolves, dragons, dragon wolves, pony dragons, and much more, but i bet you haven't seen one of a sheep before!
I wrote the majority of this when i had a killer migrain the other day and couldn't work on other projects. I gave it a bit of a rewrite and a pass for proof reading, maybe I'll continue this story because i want to see all of equestria's villains underestimate the power of a shoop (and shoops will have shoop powers because nopony would ever guess that shoops can do what a shoop can do)
also i sort of liked the headcannon i came up with to explain how the animals of equestria live, it always bothered me a little that the stories and show never cast them as much more then animals that can talk. the sheep in this story at least, do have a social structure and an income, but they are still sheep and are anxious outside the safety of a herd.
anyways
shoop-a-dey shoop shoop shoop
I am Ruffcoat, I am a shoop!
Chapter 2: Shoop-de-Woop!
Ch 2: Shoop-de-Woop!
At least I’m making progress. I thought as I passed yet another equally brown and identical building. I stopped and adjusted my cloak.
After I bounded into town with endless enthusiasm, I quickly remembered why the herd didn’t often go into town… I’m not going to admit I’m lost, buuuuut after finding myself in yet another identical alley I’ll admit, I didn’t remember just how large Ponyville was. Oh ya I found this cool cloak that someone had just tossed in out their window into a large bin. Sure it was patched a bunch, and I had to tie it off but hey no one seemed to mind when I took it from the bin. Also I found a sack of turnips, such a delicacy!
Ok I’m not that naïve, they probably don’t taste all that good to a pony, but trust I, as a former sheep, even slightly old vegetables taste better than grass.
Anyway I’m sure that tailor is the next left! No wait I meant right…. Oh another dead end. Hey look another one of those bins.
That last one had a slightly broken belt in it. Anyway that’s not what’s currently occupying my attention. After making a few more course corrections, I found myself in another square, except this one was devoid of the colorful stalls that had filled all the other dozen squares I passed. Instead, they were all full of sharp looking weapons, old looking stuff and mean looking vendors behind them. At the back of the square stood a large building with a mug hanging over the door. To the left of it, stood a forge, with an earth pony blacksmith busy hammering away on an anvil. Ponies in all sorts of garb with various bags and weapons milled about, while some guards stood watch by the entrance. Stuck in the middle of the square, with several ponies standing around, stood a large notice board.
Adventurer Notices. A sign on top of the board read, at least I think so, It’s not exactly like the herd had many books, just enough to teach us to read and write, so I’m out of practice. “Wanted: Adventurer to retrieve priceless treasure” One of the posters read. The middle of it was full of terms that I didn’t recognize, but I kept reading on. “… Lost Crown of the 5th Unicornian Dynasty….. Located deep in the Everfree Forest……” there was a map printed on the back, “….. Reward: 50 bits upon delivery….” and some address that I didn’t recognize.
“50 BITS!” I exclaimed. One of the more seasoned looking ponies shot me a sideways glance. “That’s a lot of money right?” I asked him sheepishly.
“What’re you some kinda moron? That jobs worth at least ten times that amount!” he said sizing me up. “Besides, I think you wandered into the wrong square here sonny, this here is the adventurer’s quarter fer treasure hunters, trappers, and other dangerous lines of work, naow run along back to yer herd.” He said, pointing at me with a forehoof.
Oh hell no, he did not just call me a sheep! “Hey you watch who you’re talking to, I am not a sheep you hear!” I said, pushing back against his hoof, “I am Ruffcoat, I am a shoop thank you very much and I don’t need a herd!” I proclaimed, puffing out my chest, “Besides, last I checked, shoops had the same rights as ponies in this kingdom to go where they pleased, so take your hoof and….um.. backoff!”
He took a step back, the ponies in the square had gathered during the commotion. He paused, I prepared to counter whatever verbal assault he was going to launch, instead he broke out into laughter.
“ah ha ha ha, oh boyo that’s rich commin from a lad like yerself!” he said, falling onto his haunches. “I’ve spared with gryphons, ponies, minotaurs, yaks and even zebras” he choked out between laughs, “but I’ve never been talked back to by a sheep before!” He continued laughing at me for a few more minutes before finally picking himself off the ground and coming back over to me. He tore the poster off the board and shoved it into my hoof. “Lad, if’en you are an adventurer like you think you are, then by all means, take that job there and I can guarantee, nopony here will get in yer way.”
Lost for words, I just nodded my head. “Great, well thanks fer the laugh sonny, I haven’t laughed like that since I was a wee colt!” he remarked before ambling off to the tavern.
The crowd at this point dispersed seeing that the action was over. The guards, who had apparently taken note of the situation, went back to being statues.
I stood there for a few more moments trying to process what had just transpired. Did I just get my first job? I thought as I stared at the paper now held between my hooves. “Hey sheep guy, cm’ere” a voice called out.
I looked up, the blacksmith had stopped his work and was motioning for me to his forge.
“I see you met Hawk Hood” he said, “a word of advice, don’t try argue’in with him next time, he’s more likely to knock your block off with one of his arrows, you got it?”
I nodded,
“Good, now anyways, I see you’re goin for that crown job, I checked it out earlier, it’s awfully specific for a job, usually they don’t print a map to the thing you’re supposed to find, but I’m rambling here. Look that thing is supposed to be located in that creepy old castle in the middle of the Everfree, now I know for a fact that that place is filled with all sorts of old suits of armor and weapons and stuff. I’d normally just ask one of the guys heading out on the job, but since the reward is so low, no one is gonna take the job, so if you bring me back some of those old weapons or pieces of armor and I’ll make it worth your effort, you got it?” He stuck out a hoof.
Cautiously, I grabbed his hoof and shook it. “You got a deal mr…”
“Blackhoof” he said, gesturing to the image of a black shoe with a hammer on it. “Great, now you’d better get mov’en, the Everfree not a place you want get caught in at night.”
I gave him a nod then set off, he went back to his forge. Before had even gotten past the board I remembered something I had forgotten to ask. “Hey Blackhoof” I asked, he looked up from his work, “Do you know which way is out of this crazy town?”
I swear he thought about chucking his hammer at me but after he offered a short series of directions I set off, wrapped in my patchwork cloak, slightly eaten bag of turnips tied to my belt with a much better plan this time.
Author's Note
Eh i decided Ponyville being so close to the stupidly dangerous forest, chasm, wilderness, and its proximity to pony-heck (Tartarus) that maybe it would have an adventurer's quarter or at least a notice board somewhere saying "hey can someone take care of this for me"
for a sense of location, this chapter takes place in those built up streets from the mare-do-well episode
really i was going to have him barge into rarity's place demanding her make him cloths but i couldn't get it to work in my head. Don't worry, she will certainly make an appearance soon enough.
i hope i got all the speeling and grammar mistakes
I am Ruffcoat, I am a shoop!
OK this wasn’t exactly as easy as I thought.
I stopped to consult the map again.
Follow the road out of town , CheckMake a left at the gazebo , CheckTake a right at the blueberry bush, Make a left at the raspberry bush, Go straight past the mulberry bush ,And get completely lost. Check...
I sighed and crumpled up the map.
Stupid map, who uses berry bushes as directions… Oh great, there’s the farmer Applequack(?) and she's coming this way.
The orange mare was indeed trotting along the path looking around for something or someone. I thought about diving into the bushes but i didn't want to be accused of smelling of elderberries if i got caught. Out of options, I pulled my cloak tight around myself and non nonchalantly walked past her.
I almost made it out of sight when she stopped, turned around and looked back in my direction.
“RUFFCOAT there you are, ah’ve been lookin all over for you after I heard what happened.” She said, trotting up beside me. Her accent was only slightly better than her sister’s. “Look, I know how much the herd means to you sheepfolk, its like yer family, and I feel terrible that Rainbowdash’s prank caused you to have a fallin out with them. Come back to the farm, I can speak with Jan for ya, I know she probably feels bad fer kickin you out and all that.”
Hmmm…. go back to being a grass eating sheep or become a rich adventurer... tough call. “Nope, sorry um…Applesack, I’m no longer a sheep.” I said, walking with purpose. “I decided that from now on I am a shoop, and as such, I don’t need a herd anymore.” I swear I heard a bell ring in the distance. She just looked at me as if I had said something crazy.
I decided to change the subject. “Look, I found a job while in town and I’m off to go try my hoof at it. I never really fit in with the herd anyways. I’m more mad with myself that I didn’t see it sooner. I didn’t really mean to explode on your sister like that.” By now we were heading in the right direction, the cottages were getting few and far between now.
She stopped and grabbed my foreleg. “Shucks sugarcube, if y'all weren’t happy there then ya shoulda just said so. I hope whatever you’re doin now brings ya happiness and satisfaction.”Did she just…that was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!
I wiped away a tear, not because it’s the only time someone has ever said something nice about me, but because the sharp smelling turnips and the dust from the path was in my eyes, that’s it. “Thanks” I said, totally not almost crying. “That really means a lot.” I rubbed my eyes again and we started walking.
Eventually, we came to the end of town,I think, anyway the edge of the forest was right there. I pulled out the crumpled up map and sure enough, while I was talking to AppleMac , we had followed the next few directions to the letter.
“Well we managed to pass a Prenchmare I think…, and I have no idea what a Zebran swallow is but there’s a bunch of birds over there so I’ll check that one off.” I said. I then read the next entry on the list. “’Walk the path straight and true until the castle of twin sisters approaches you….’. What kind of stupid directions are these?” I scowled at the stupid flyer again.
I looked over at the orange applemare. “I guess this is it, it’s been nice talking to you AppleBlack, but I go do this thing here so bye.” I waved.
“Uh hold up there Ruffcoat, what was it ya said you were doin again?” she said, tugging on my cloak to stop me, practically dragging me to the ground in the process.
“Oh ya, I’m gonna go be an adventurer." I said pulling myself back up. "All I gotta do is follow this stupid map into the forest here and pick up some ancient crown or something. Also I’m supposed to get some pointy swords and stuff while I’m there. I do all that and I get paid a whole 50 bits. Anyway, see ya!” I said trying to wrestle my cloak out of her grip.
“Wait Ruffcoat, that’s the Everfee forest, its dangerous in there!” she said yanking back. "There are timber-wolves in there that can gobble you up in one bite!" Forget what i said about her brother, this one has stupid amounts of strength. I thought, feebly trying to free myself from her grip.
“Please, it’s not timber-wolf season for like two months or so, plus I’ve got a map” I said brandishing the flyer, “What’s the worst that can happen.”
I tugged my cloak again, finally the patch she was holding just ripped free, and before she could grab another piece, I dashed down the path hopefully faster than she could follow. “Wait Ruffcoat!...” she said followed by something else that I didn’t quite make out.
In truth, I was way more scared about this place than she was but I wasn’t going to give up that easily. There’s a lot of creepy stuff in here but it’s not like it was zap apple season when the wolves get really hungry and come over to this side of the forest.
Besides, her and her whole family were always a little…off. Just the other night they were running around clanging pots and pans together shouting at the moon like a bunch of goat-heads.
Author's Note
Just a note about Ruffcoat's height, standing, he's about head tall as Applejack which fits with whats in the show as sheep are shown to be smaller than ponies.
Anyway, another chapter, another step down the path of shoopdom.
A short chapter as I figure out what to do in the Everfree. I think i have a fun idea for the next chapter and now i think i know how to pull it off.
I'm not sure how frequent i will be with these updates as i'm right now in the middle of taking a very intense 12 week class in the span of 6 and i have to write and format large reports every single week from here on out. Also i combed this chapter for mistakes in the same sense that Darth Helmet combed the desert.
Also if anyone wants to send me, or recommend me some cover-art i'd appreciate it, theres not really much out there for shoops, its almost like they're completely made up.......
I am Ruffcoat, I am a shoop!
Chapter 4: Turnipwolves at Dusk
I once had a lengthy discussion with a goat about the differences between their herds and sheep herds. It happened when I was younger, the herd had decided to move from some farm outside Dodge City to the outskirts of Baltamare which involved quite a lengthy train ride. Now herds don’t usually have a lot of money to spend on accommodations, so they usually opt for freight level transport. Here I was, having found a spot on top of a crate in a mail car when a group of minotaurs walked in followed by their goat attendants. At some point in ancient history, a minotaur must have run into a goat herd, and like the little patsies they were, they must have followed him all the way back to their lands where they have become indispensable to minotaurs as servants.
How did this happen? You see, goats and sheep have radically different philosophies when it comes to herds. Sheep tend to agree on whats best for the group to do, and as such they live collectively on farms where they can arrange for good accommodations. The larger the herd, the better the deal, ect ect. Goats on the other hand, seek out the strongest thing they can find, and follow it around.
To an uninformed pony, the relationship between sheep and goats would look like the one they share between their distant cousins the donkeys. While most sheep are too timid to take that as an insult. If you were to say compare sheep herds to goat herds; that would be grounds for many passive aggressive letters and inconvenient road blockages.
Anyway, so here I was, barely out of lambhood, stuck between a pair of goats, watching their minotaur masters play some kind of card game. It was about an hour in when the goat next to me finally turned to me and said, and I quote, “BWaaaaahHH, bhAAAh?” which roughly translated from Ovish was “Why do you sheep cling to the weakling ponies for guidance? ”
Yes sheep and goats share some weird common language, not to get into details but sheep all learn to read and speak Equish like all the ponies we live around, but instinctively we also have this second language that the goats also use. The minotaurs don’t exactly encourage language skills, as it is useful to have servants that can only communicate with their masters so most goats get by using this guttural language.
I responded to the goat in their language to something like this “hey! sheep don’t cling to ponies, we decide what our herds do, not the other way around!”
The old goat laughed and responded. “Yes that ‘collectivist’ approach is interesting, but what happens when you need protection? We goats have been all around the world for our leaders are strong and ambitious and fear nothing. If you sheep had strong leaders like them, you wouldn’t be shuffling from farm to farm, you could be out seeing the world!”
The next couple hours would be filled with this back and forth in this fashion until the train reached its stop and the minotaurs disembarked and I no longer had to defend my race from the twisted philosophies of the goats.
Why do I bring this story up, you may ask? Well you see the one fair point that goat made was that having a minotaur around sometimes has its perks, like right now.
I scrambled up the broken steps on all fours. Behind me, the forest was alive with action. A dozen large bushes broke off from the canopy and charged into the castle after me.
Bucking timberwolves. Why does it always have to be timberwolves! I thought as I dove behind a stone fountain. At least I had found the castle while I was running for my life, so things are looking up.
I had been following the path just like the map said, when it started getting dark. Off the path, I began to see more and more movement in the bushes, until a pair of green eyes caught my eye. Having lived by the Everfree for some years now, I do know what a timberwolf looks like, big, leafy, made of wood… but the giveaway is the glowing green eyes, and the stench of rotting plants.
The wolves surrounded me all at once. They weren’t going to pounce, no they knew I was easy food, instead they circled me.
Buck me… I looked around the path for something to throw at them, but there weren’t any rocks or things I could really use.
One of them closed in from the circle and pounced, its claws raked my cloak. I fell backwards, and the beast rolled over me. Scrambling around, I managed to grab onto something that felt like a rock, and threw it right at the thing’s head.
The beast recoiled in pain. The rock hit the beast squarely on the snout. Bizarrely it rolled around on the ground, dragging its snout everywhere. It took me a moment to realize why. The rock I had tossed, wasn’t a rock at all, actually it was one of my smelly turnips that had fallen on the ground when the beast attacked.
Scrambling up I pulled out the rest of the turnips and waved them around. To my surprise, the rest of the wolves backed away.
“Ahhaa you guys don’t like turnips very much do ya?!” I said, posturing. “Well there’s plenty more where that came from!” I tossed another turnip and they backed away.
At this point the wolf on the ground rolled up and charged straight through the circle, presumably heading to some water to dislodge the turnip bits from his snout.
Seeing the opening, I took off running, which caused the rest of the pack to follow after me. After a few minutes of frantic running, I managed to find the castle and charge through the front door.
Author's Note
Quibble Pants is best pony.
I am Ruffcoat, I am a shoop!
Chapter 5: Does a shoop in the Castle?
Well that’s something I wasn’t expecting. I thought as I looked over the archway. After not having a heart attack on the front steps figuring out how to open the door, I got the door open and jumped in through the gap. The moment I did so, the doors not only slammed shut, the portal was engulfed in a bright blue aura.
Tentatively I poked the door, only to be blasted backwards across the courtyard. The stupid flyer hadn’t mentioned that. I thought rolling over onto all four hooves, At least it will keep the damn wolves out.
Dusting myself off and straightening my cloak, I consulted the flyer, using the light of the doorway to read by.
Once inside the reward you seek rests where all can see. Be warned, retrieving it may not easy it be.
It rests where all can see… I guess that could be like the throne room or something? Looking around, I noticed that while this place had been out here in the empty forest, the doors, windows, stones and everything else were in great shape. Certainly nothing sheep have ever built could last this long. Sheep never really built anything for themselves if they could avoid it. While some of the largest herds may have had the bits to purchase their own land, the lodging they put up usually wasn’t much better than the wooden barns we smaller herds stayed in.
Reaching what I think is the main building, I pulled against rope attached to the ancient reinforced oak door. My hooves skidded on the stone steps but even with my mighty shoop strength the door didn’t budge one bit.
Ugh, I’ve come too far to be defeated by a stupid door. I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY A STUPID DOOR!
Throwing my weight into it, I pulled and pulled again until my hooves slipped again, this time tumbling muzzle forward.
Twisting onto my back, I sat against the door. Behind me, the ancient passageway creaked open. Buck me…
The hallway inside was unexpectedly lit by regularly spaced torches along the walls. Suits of armor for ponies, still stood guard. Wasn’t I supposed to grab something else while I’m here? I thought as I strolled along. The hallway itself stretched for what seemed like miles.
Reaching another set of doors, a pair of suits of armor reached out to block my path. Each suit was filled with wreathed in the same blue aura like the front door. The metal tips of their spears glinted in the flickering torch light.
“Umm hi there.” I waved, “You guys wouldn’t mind me going on through would you?”
In response the animated suits brought their spear down to bear and began marching forward. “Didn’t think so.” I turned and ran and the suits gave chase.
I beat a hasty retreat, or I would have except I put a hoof through the floor and fell flat on my face.
“Well that’s convenient.” I said out loud to nobody in particular. Extracting my hoof from the ground caused the floor to close up leaving a now empty hallway again. “Why would anyone need this?” Again to nobody in particular.
Retracing my steps back to the door, I pilfered a sword from one of the suits of armor. The blade was short for a pony but for me it fit neatly down my back. I may not know how to use one but it’s certainly better than not having anything.
Pushing through the next set of doors I blinked against the light. In the center of the room on a pedestal, glinting in the light was a golden tiara underneath a pillar of light.
“That’s got to be it.” I said to myself. “Hello, anything in here that wants to eat me or maim me as well?” I shouted, my voice echoed off the walls.
Well this should be easy, just walk forward, grab crown, get out, and get paid.
I stepped forward confidently and put my hoof straight through the floor, the tile broke beneath me plunging myself forward.
Grabbing the tiles around, my left hoof broke through while my right hoof caught on a solid tile. Swinging myself over, I managed to grab onto the solid tile with my other hoof and scrambled up.
Standing on my lonely island of solid stone, I looked down at the floor and I noticed that the tiles each had a unique picture on them. The one beneath me had some kind of mouse while others had gryphons and I think every kind of pony.Hmm I thought.
Looking around further, one of the walls of this room had big long benches on it, some of which had come unmounted from the walls.
“Perfect.”
Hopping off my platform onto safe ground I went over to the long benches. Dang these things are heavy, I could barely pick up one end. Sliding the bench over the tiles, I heard several crack as I pushed it across, and stacked some chunks of rubble on the back, guessing that I weighed less than those chunks.
I left my pilfered sword next to the rubble, saving as much weight as possible.
“This better be worth it.” I said before saying a prayer to Shep the lord of all sheep, not that he’s been much help before now. I took a step onto the plank, and then another. Tiles cracked and the rubble shifted slightly but the board held steady.
Reaching the platform I saw the crown up close. Made of some silvery metal and encrusted with some sort of black gem, it rested on a purple cushion.
Without hesitation, I grabbed it off the pillar and I heard something snap and suddenly the world spun around as the pillar flew away from me.
After the world stopped spinning, I realized that I was hanging painfully from my back hoof. All around me the room lit up with the eerie blue glow as suits of armor pulled themselves from the rubble.
“Ah Buck.” I said.
“HAVE NO FEAR DARING DOO, PRINCESS LUNA IS HERE! ”
……Huh?
Torches on the walls of the room lit up, bathing the room in light. I saw a blue feathered mass smash through one of the windows and crashed into the massed armor suits.
I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. Wading through the growing piles of armor was the princess of the night herself. Like I think I’ve only seen her once before and she was sitting on some stand a long ways away, so unless there’s more dark colored alicorn ponies out there then I’m staring at the princess as she destroyed an army of animated suits of armor.
When she was done she turned towards me and stopped dead. “Daring Doo, You’re a sheep?” She asked in surprise. “I um… not that there’s anything wrong with being a sheep as such.”
I fumbled for words.
“But never the less, I HAVE COME TO RESUCE YOU DARING DOO FOR PRINCESS LUNA IS THE BEST PRINCESS OF ALL PRINCESSES!”
I stuttered again. The booming voice, and the blood rushing to my head wasn’t doing much for my though process.
“Tis fine, I shall cut you down and then together we shall beat an escape from this accursed place BEFORE THE DREADED THREE HORNED BARMANOU OF THE EVERFREE ATTACKS!”
…
“I SAID BEFORE THE DREADED BARMANOU ATTACKS!” She shouted to a side hallway.
I looked around, nothing seemed to jump out to attack us.
“One moment please.” She said and dashed out of the room leaving me hanging like a sack.
After a few minutes the lunar alicorn returned with a disappointed look on her face and sat on her haunches. Her horn lit up followed by a large flash.
I blinked again in disbelief as the Solar Princess, Celestia herself, popped into existence several feet above the ground and fell in an uncoordinated mass.
“OW Luna what was that for?” She said, rolling into a sitting position.
“TIA you were supposed to be the Barmanou to close the act. Now Daring Doo and I have no mortal enemy to flee from!” She said in a very unprincessly tone. “You promised sister, I enchanted all the suits in the castle, I setup the wards on the gates, I even converted the swimming pool into THE TEMPLE OF TROUBLE, and you agreed to play the evil monster after I stormed in and rescued Daring Doo from the army OF GHOSTLY KNIGHTS.” She punctuated the statement with a huff and a stamp of her hoof.
“Oh sorry Luna I was waiting around but then I got distracted by some of the old books I left here in the library. You didn’t tell me you were practicing or anything.”
“Sister, we were not practicing, Daring Doo has shown up to snatch THE CROWN OF THE THIRD PLATINUM DYNASTY! and you have let us both down for not playing your part.”
“Um…”I stammered. “Cccould you mind handing me that sword over there to cut myself down or something, this isn’t exactly comfortable.”
Celestia turned and looked at me. “I’m so sorry my little sheep, just one second” Her horn lit up golden and I floated for a moment as the rope was untied. She gently set me down nearby. “I think there’s been a bit of a mix-up here. Luna this is not Daring Doo, she’s a mare and a Pegasus.”
Luna turned to me again, this time with a look of confusion.
“You’re not Daring Doo then?”
“Then why are you here doing what Daring Doo does?”
“I um… wait hold on” I dug into my coat and found the flyer and held it up. “I just followed the directions on this flyer.”
Celestia grabbed the crumpled flyer in her aura and inspected it before shooting her sister a disapproving look. “….. Luna, when you asked for names of reputable print shops, I thought you were looking to have your moon-recipes made into a printed volume.” She hurled the flyer towards her sister who caught it in her magic.
“Ah yes, exactly to my specifications, even double sided! You said I needed to, how did you put it ‘spread the word’ of a hidden treasure in our old castle, therefore I did precisely that, see I even wrote directions on the back with a little map too.”
Celestia facehoofed in way very unbecoming of a princess. “Luna what I meant was… never mind. I believe I should be partly responsible for this. When you said you wanted to meet Daring Doo for your birthday, I should have just setup an audience with her at the next convention instead of letting you convince me to sit out here in our old castle for a week while you booby-trapped it."
“But Tia, you promised she would be here!” Luna whined completely oblivious to my company.
Celestia draped a wing over her sister’s back. “I’m sorry sister, Daring Doo has done work for me in the past and I thought I could get a message to her soon enough but adventurers are very difficult to track down these days. Still it seems that this plan hasn’t been totally in vein, this little sheep here has dared to face down your traps and on that small bounty offer of yours to boot.”
It took me a moment to realize they were talking about me again. “Excuse me your highnesses but I’m not a sheep.”
They both turned to look at me again.
“I um… I prefer to be called a shoop not a sheep.” I said barely audible. “Sheep wouldn’t be out here trying to find treasure after all.” I saw Luna suppress a chuckle.
Seriously? I thought. Here I am, nearly mauled by timberwolves following her stupid map, almost killed by her stupid traps, and she laughs when I say that I’m more than a sheep?
Triggered I fired back. “You have a problem with me calling myself a shoop? You’re the princess of Equestria, can’t you at least take me seriously? Do you know how many ponies I’ve met today who didn’t think I could even get this far on my own?!”
The princess blinked, taken back by my outburst. For a moment I felt like a tough shoop, then I remembered that she controls the moon. Oh crap…
“I’m SO sorry your highness, it’s just been a long day that started out with me being pink.” I stammered in panic.
Instead of smiting me, or running away crying, Luna just turned to her sister and laughed again. “OH TIA he is just like him . How many centuries has it been since we have been talked down by a sheep?!”
Celestia just covered her face again. “We are both very sorry that my sister has caused so much trouble. While I’d like to think my little ponies are generally accepting of all, there is still much for them to learn about humility. Please don’t take this the wrong way, Luna and I have lived a long time and known a few good sheep..er shoops like yourself, you remind her of an old friend of ours.”
“He was a mean taskmaster and a great friend even to the end.” Luna lamented.
“But that is ancient history. Since you’ve found the crown and gotten through my sister’s traps, I believe you deserve a payment now.” With another flash, she made a purse appear out of thin air. “Ah just where I thought I left it. Here this is a little bit more than the sum on the flyer for your trouble; besides, it’s been sitting out here for centuries now gathering dust, I’m sure you will put it to good use.” She said, handing me the bag as well as the short sword I had picked up.
I’m not sure how I felt; without opening it, the sack felt like it contained more bits than I had ever held before. I looked in it, sure enough in the bright torchlight the bits inside glittered golden. Having bits it felt… great.
“Oh Tia he’s got the look too.” Luna said.
Forget scrounging or selling my wool to start out, if I could do more of this, then I would never have to eat anything out of the trash ever again. More jobs like this and I could afford to own a house, eat fresh food, and importantly, rub it all in the herd’s face. “I AM SHOOP SEE MY SUCCESS!” I would say to them, lording over my bits.
I probably would have continued on like this if not for the next thing Celestia said.
“Well now that that’s over, I think it’s time to get out of here, Cadance has probably had enough of managing our affairs.” Her horn started to glow.
“Wait!” I said. Too late, the world exploded around me.
Author's Note
Wow has my life really changed between when I started writing this and the previous chapter and now, anyways I blame life not crushing writer's block.
Anyways I hope to start putting out more soon.
As always, feel free to point out glaring mistakes, I've only given these a couple passes for grammar and mistakes