Lesson 69: Friendship With Benefits

Starlight marched through the lonely streets of Ponyville, muttering curses under her breath – some directed at Twilight and some as sarcastic simulated conversation starters with Trixie. The latter piqued the ears of a lone mare strolling past Starlight. The stranger turned and scowled at her with a hint of disgust lacing her anger. Starlight blushed, warmth burning her cheeks, and curled her lips, baring her teeth. “Sometimes, I really fucking hate you, Twilight.” She continued to curse as she circled around Ponyville, in her effort to do anything but confront Trixie, yet she focussed solely on confronting Trixie. The image of Cheerilee was etched within her mind and refused to fade anytime soon. Thus, she reluctantly picked her way to where Trixie keeps her wagon, her body growing weary with apprehension, trudging silently through a crowd of ponies within the centre of the town. All the while, she tried to reassure herself by thinking of it as “just another friendship lesson”.

Arriving at Trixie's wagon, she knocked on the door. “Trick-” Her voice came out wimpy, her vocal cords constricted and severed her speech as soon as she began. She cleared her throat and spoke. This time, with clarity. “Trixie, are you in there?”

“Yeah, come in,” Trixie's voice was muffled, “door's unlocked.” Starlight pushed open the door and entered. Trixie was sat at a table – which was no larger than a bedside table – in the squashed up room, gulping a bite of her sandwich and dabbing her mouth with a napkin. “Sorry, I'm in the middle of lunch, but do sit down.” She settled the sandwich on a plate and folded her arms, grinning as Starlight took a seat. “What brought you over to the perilous domicile of the Great and Powerful Trixie?”

Starlight smiled meekly. “I came by to just see if you maybe wanna spend the day with me? Just hanging around, I mean. Doing friend... stuff.”

“Sure! I've got all the time in the world. Well, kinda, but I can be lazy today. How have you been?”

“Well, considering I'm close to losing my mind, I'd say I'm doing pretty well.”

Trixie laughed. “One of those days is it?” Starlight nodded. “Twilight?” Starlight nodded and sighed, deflated. “Well, don't worry. Take it easy and have a rest in Trixie's abode of respectable deception and internal superiority. It’s… a working name.”

"It's certainly a... creative one?"

Trixie waved a hoof. “Oh, sush, you.” Starlight laughed. “I haven't had any better ideas and the name came to me as though it was always in my head to begin with, so I stuck with it.

"Question time,” she rubbed her hooves together “Would you like to see something cool?"

Starlight raised an eyebrow. “Is that supposed to be rhetorical question?”

"Of course it is. It's cramped in here anyway so it's the perfect excuse to show you.” Her horn lit in a pale pink glow as she lifted a framed photograph of her smirking self in costume to reveal a discrete button hidden behind. Pressing it, a panel behind her slid open and revealed a corridor. “Come on through,” she said, taking the sandwich with her and taking bites as she strolled through.

Starlight snapped her eyelids closed and took a deep breath through her nose, shaking her head as she realised her eyes were transfixed on Trixie’s swaying flank. She stood, then shimmied between the tight space between the table and wall and followed Trixie through the open panel. Five doors of brushed steel – gleaming beneath the recessed lights in the ceiling – lined the shimmering white walls of the corridor: two on each side and one at the far end. Trixie turned before the furthest door, popping the last of the sandwich into her mouth.

Starlight asked, “Why does it feel like I’ve suddenly stepped into a house?”

A smirk grew on Trixie’s face. “Isn’t it cool?”

“How is any of this possible? Did you make this or something?”

Trixie chuckled. “I wish. Funny story, I don’t remember how I got this wagon.”

Starlight’s brow creased in confusion. “That’s not a story.”

“It was after my first visit to Ponyville,” she explained. “I had a… less elegant and much smaller wagon that I scrounged enough bits for. It got crushed by an ursa minor. Kinda unfortunate. With ponies viewing me with contempt, I had no way of earning any bits through my performances, so I was forced into getting another job if I wanted to pull my life together and the only ponies who accepted me worked on a rock farm. It was wonderful. By wonderful, I mean the complete opposite, of course. It only fuelled my hatred towards Twilight, but there was this one day when I was mining. There was a sort of blip of darkness, like a part of my mind was erased and there was this wagon beside me and I had never seen it before, but knew it was mine and knew what was inside. It’s weird, but it saved me a lot of bits. Plus, the space inside is incredible! I couldn’t have asked for a better wagon. I didn’t even know there was anypony who could create something like this – even with magic.”

“I didn’t know it was possible, myself. Where does all this space come from?”

“Beats me, but some things make you stop questioning things and this is one of them. Would you like to see something else that’s cool?”

“I dread to think what it is with your definition of cool at the moment.”

“Oh, it’s nothing as crazy as this, but it’s something I made while I was at the rock farm. Well, I didn’t make it, but I came up with the game while I was working. It helped to pass the time. Do you like chess?”

“Like? I love it! Me and Twilight play it every Saturday evenings. She beats me nearly every time, but I’m beginning to figure out her style of play. She’s more of a defensive player and tries to bait me into being aggressive and having my more important pieces out of position. It makes me learn about not becoming impatient or let frustration get to me. Twilight’s a master of taking her sweet time.”

“Well, I’ve created a variation of the game. I don’t actually know what it’s like because I haven’t had anypony to play with, but you can be test subject number one if you want. Come on, I’ll show you.”

A door to Starlight’s left clicked open, revealing rows of shelves at the far end of the room and two plush sofas in the centre. Stepping inside, Starlight observed a fireplace to the left, burning with violet flames. Being the only source of light, the flames cast shadows that speared across the room. It felt ominous, yet intimate. In her mind, Starlight envisioned being encased within the warmth of the flames, sat on the sofa with her head lolling back as a stallion stood over her buried his thick shaft deep in her throat, testicles compressed against her closed eyes as he thrust his hips. The thought stole her breath, and her body jolted as Trixie severed the image from her mind.

“Well, what do you think?” Trixie was stood beside Starlight, smiling knowingly at her.

“I think you were holding out on this for a stallion.”

“Hmm. Now you mention it, it does look like it.” Trixie trotted over to the shelves and picked up a board with a pouch laid on top, carrying it over to the table and settling herself onto a sofa. Starlight followed and sat opposite her. “The flames do change colour, you know. It’s a simple spell that makes it change to any colour you have in mind. You can even have several colours at once. You want any colour in particular?”

Starlight thought it over for a moment, considering a cold blue flame to help her relax and, upon further thought, stated the current colour is fine as it was. Trixie gave a courteous smile and nod, then took out little pieces of carved wood out of the pouch. Half the pieces resembled balls of cotton while the other half resembled miniature picture frames. All pieces stood on conical bases much like standard chess pieces. As Trixie laid out the pieces, Starlight piped up, “Okay, I’m intrigued. What’s this game all about when all the pieces are the same? It feels more like we’re playing checkers than chess.”

“It’s what I’d call a simplified version of chess, but with a twist. I’m not that great with coming up with ideas, but I feel this is an interesting one. You have sixteen pieces on your side of the board, split into four groups: red, green, yellow and blue. Each group is tied together, sharing a level of power. Their power level is determined by how many pieces are in the group. One piece can move the same number of spaces as there are pieces remaining in its group. For example, say I want to move a red piece and have three red pieces remaining; I will only be able to move the piece a maximum of three spaces in a single turn. I can move it one space or two, but I cannot move it four spaces because I had lost a red piece. You with me?” Starlight nodded. “Now, you can move any piece in any direction. They’re all like queens, but with a movement restriction to them.”

“So... what do you do? Just capture all the opponent’s pieces?”

“No. Well, you can, but you'd be unfortunate if you did. All you have to do is capture the piece that isn't hollow and you win. It's as simple as that. Observe.” She levitated one piece, showing Starlight the hollow bottom, then brought a wooden piece which fits inside, making the bottom solid. “This game is called ‘Deception’. I was considering calling it ‘Smoke and Mirrors' since these are what the pieces are, but it's not nearly as bold and exciting sounding as ‘Deception’. Both opponents begin by slipping the insert into their chosen piece while their view is obscured by this screen.” She brought over a thin sheet of wood painted black and snapped it in place in the centre of the board so that Starlight couldn't see the other half of the board. Trixie then pulled the screen back out and laid it next to the board. “When a piece is captured, the player must look at whether it's hollow or not. If it is, then the opponent gains an extra turn before the player can move a piece. It's a risk and reward scenario, but when a player captures three pieces, they can choose to change which piece becomes the king, so to speak. They can do this for every three pieces they capture, allowing them to change which piece is the king up to five times before it becomes clear which piece is the opponent's solid piece.”

“Okay, now I'm interested. So this is basically playing mind games with the opponent?”

“Exactly. I'd like to create a game as complex as chess, but this was as much as I could do. It's hard to think how the game will play out and what possibilities there are, but I like this concept and feel it would be a fun game to play.”

“You're not kidding. I think it's a very interesting idea. It's like ‘Guess Who', but with chess.”

“So you're game?”

“Absolutely!”

Trixie's lips stretched into a smile. Starlight was grateful for having such a distraction to free her mind of the lewd thoughts that attempted to creep into her mind. In the meantime, Starlight preserved their normal friendship doing normal things that normal ponies do. They chose their pieces, the screen was taken down and Trixie made her first move. She pushed a red piece forwards two spaces as though she was beginning a game of chess. Starlight merely mirrored Trixie's move so the two pieces were kissing, and as she did so, she was scrutinising Trixie's face.

“I'm curious,” Starlight piped up, snapping Trixie's attention away from the game, “what's the deal between you and Twilight anyway? You never really explained.”

Trixie leaned back in her seat, crossing her legs. “There’s nothing to explain, honestly. I toured around Equestria performing incredible feats of magic and blah-de-blah to make ends meet and make myself feel good about myself and inspire ponies to become like me. You know what I wanted?” She picked up a piece from the back row and slammed it down three squares diagonally. Her eyes bore into Starlight’s and before she could make a guess, she exclaimed, “I wanted to be famous. Isn’t that funny? A unicorn with barely any magical capabilities wanted to be famous. Honestly, now I don’t even care. As funny as it is, I’m happy with where I am, right here, and that’s why I’ve stayed.” She folded her arms and smiled, and Starlight tentatively smiled back. “It doesn’t mean I’m quitting stage magic. It’s my life and I love it way too much to give it up, but I’m not quite sure what to do right now because if I tour Equestria again, I leave behind all the friends I’ve made here. I’m afraid of being alone again.

“Sorry, I’m going off track. I came to Ponyville purely because word of a budding Starswirl living there had spread across Equestria. I wanted to show off. That's what I wanted to do. I wanted everypony to notice how great and how powerful I am and I did a great job of that because everypony saw how great and powerful I'm not. I wanted to undermine Twilight and crush her motivation so I could feel good about myself for once in my life. To feel relevant. To be somepony to look up to. I was made out to be a joke and it crushed me. Worst of all, word spread like a disease and I was rejected wherever I went until I came to a rock farm.” Trixie chuckled. “A rock farm. Can you believe it? They actually have rock farms, for crying out loud.”

Trixie bowed her head as she recollected her memories. “I saved as many bits as I could to get revenge on Twilight and I succeeded. An alicorn amulet and you become as powerful as an alicorn, and they weren't joking about it. Looking back, it's actually quite funny because it was as though the amulet not only amplified my magic, but also my rage and I felt I wasn't in control, yet I was. Everything that happened was my fault. I had exiled Twilight from Ponyville and, well, I kinda enslaved the whole of Ponyville while I was at it.” Trixie whinnied quietly, lips trembling. She took a deep breath.

“Hey,” Starlight's voice was like that of a mother's soothing her foal, “it's in the past now. What's done is done.”

Trixie shut her eyes, brow creased, then relaxed, drawing a hopeless breath. “I know. I wish I could just go back in time and slap myself for being so stupid; so childish. I shouldn't have let my ego get in the way, but everyone makes mistakes at some point – some just happen to be way bigger mistakes than others. It's your move, by the way.”

Starlight already knew this, but she was caught up in Trixie's story and the guilt plaguing her mind. She wondered about her own mistakes as well – her guilt much less prominent now that she had friends who accepted her despite all she had done through years of manipulating other ponies. Her own guilt still throbbed gently within her and, in solitude, it would grow on her and start beating her from within. Her eyes stared at the board, but not really seeing it as she moved a red piece two spaces forward – three squares to the left of the first piece she moved. “You learn to deal with it in time. It doesn't make it magically go away, but it's best to think of it as a learning process. You made a mistake, you learn and you become a better pony because of it.”

“I don't care about that. I did something stupid and I have to live with it. I deserve it. Sometimes, I question whether I deserve to have a friend like you. It truly is an exciting experience for the confused and indecisive Trixie. Even with all this, I feel content. It's the best I've felt in my adult life.” She waved a hoof as though batting a fly. “I don't wanna be a downer so I'd rather not talk about it.”

“Don't worry about it! That's what friends are for, right?”

“As I said, I'm content, so it's not worth talking about anyway. Besides, I've been rambling a little too much. There's a point where it gets excessive and this is it. Bottom line is, I let my ego get in the way, I turned evil because of it, and Twilight couldn't trust me because I cannot control my ego and I'm counting down the days until mess everything up because no doubt it'll end up happening and when it does I don't know if I'll be able to live with it.” She made a red piece cower behind a yellow. “Your move.”

Starlight deliberated not only on her move, but whether or not to ask a probing question that had been on her mind for some time. As she pressed for offence and threatened a green piece, she decided to take a risk. “I’ve been meaning to ask: what was that manticore trick all about? Why did you go through with it?”

Trixie captured the piece with a green. She took the piece and looked at what was inside: nothing. She sighed and planted the piece on the table. “You have two moves,” she said, cozying up on the sofa and hugging her legs. She stared at the captured piece as she spoke: “I don’t want to lie to you, but I don’t want you to worry about me either. I wanted to die.”

A chill froze Starlight’s body and tears welled in her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut and let the tears fall. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? There’s no need to be. You’re not the one who took advantage of a friend for the sake of saving her ego. You saved me. I planned on going through with the trick before you even appeared in my life. It was an apology tour to the town I took advantage of – to give everypony something to laugh and celebrate over. I had nothing to live for, then you came along. The only pony who accepted who I am and who I was. If it weren't for you, I would be nothing but bones. That's the truth.”

“Life has its ways of bringing you down.”

“Exactly. Now that I have you as a friend, I don't need to worry anymore of feeling inferior. For once, I'm happy with who I am and it's all because of you.” Trixie planted a hoof over her face, shaking her head. “Damn it. Why are you making me say these things? The Great and Powerful Trixie refuses to be bitter!”

Starlight giggled through her teeth as teardrops trickled down her cheeks. She wiped her eyes to sever the supply. “Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You had me worried back then.”

Trixie shrugged. “Same with me if you did something like that too. It's fine. Really. I couldn’t be any more happier now that I have you.”

A surge of warmth flowed through Starlight and her dour expression brightened. Indeed, she had much to learn about Trixie, but she understood her plight well enough. During her time at Our Town – which she created through heartless manipulation and desperation to fill the void of her life – she never felt truly happy. The synthetic happiness she gained was enough to keep her from delving into the dark pits of depression, but it never was the purest, healthy kind of happiness that Twilight and her friends, and Trixie, gave to her. Looking back, she knew she was far from happy, and the outbursts that came naturally to her was a clear testimony to that fact. However, Starlight had company. Trixie travelled across Equestria and has only now settled in one place because she finally had someone she cared about. If Starlight had to make a guess, she would say that Trixie had roamed alone for as long as she was an adult. Due to this, she dreaded asking Trixie about her life before she made her decision to travel alone. As far as she was concerned, she had one of two moves: remain quiet or ask Trixie about her past. She chose the latter, tentatively. After all, if she were to do Twilight's bidding, she had to make choices that made her uncomfortable. She figured that it would enable her to take the conversation to a different route, bringing her closer to her – or, more aptly, Twilight’s – goal. “What made you decide to travel around Equestria?” She asked. “It must be lonely for you not being able to see your friends or family.”

“Pfft. Family? What family? I have a father I haven’t seen since I was fourteen and I have an alcoholic mother. What kind of family is that?” Her chest puffed up as she took a deep breath. Her head lolled to the side as she exhaled. Her voice became a tired grumble as she continued: “Besides, I had no friends. I used to, but I kinda drifted from them and they no longer care about me. They were pretty much strangers to me at that point. I had a rabbit that my parents bought for me because they knew I was obsessed with show magic, but they don’t live for very long. Puff, he was called. Named after a magical dragon from a lullaby my mother used to sing to me when I was a young filly. When he died, my parents’ relationship died along with him. I became withdrawn because of it. It hurt me pretty bad and the only way I coped was by focusing on performing stage magic. It was the one thing I had left in my life.

“Damn it, I need a drink. I'm gonna break out the vodka. You want any? I have orange, apple and blueberry juice. With or without vodka is up to you. Of course, there's always water if you wanna be a bore. Oh, and before you ask: no; I’m not an alcoholic. I haven’t had a drink for about two months.”

The last words were not registered by Starlight. She was preoccupied in the offer of a drink, which she was grateful for. She never did drink alcohol. She was far too busy maintaining order in Our Town to ever think about drinking. The slightest slip could descend into an avalanche of chaos. A perked ear and an eagle eye had to always be attentive to the murmurs of doubt and the shimmer of guilt betraying the pretence of happiness. She felt now was a better time than ever to lose her sense of control and let the alcohol consume her and her sensibilities. It felt stupid to her, but she didn’t have a choice in the matter, and stupid thoughts was all she could muster. So she accepted the offer of vodka along with the addition of orange juice. “If you don’t mind,” she meekly added.

“Oh, don't worry about it. It's been sitting around for too long, so you may as well drink up.”

A growl rumbled from within Starlight’s stomach, angry from careless neglect. It took both by surprise and Trixie stared at Starlight, nonplussed – first her eyes, then down to her stomach, which Starlight covered with an arm as though attempting to contain the telling sound.

“Gosh,” Trixie murmured, “I’m so sorry. You should have said you were hungry. I’ll get you something to eat. I won’t be long.”

Starlight watched Trixie intently as she made her way out the room, eyes transfixed on her rump. A quick flick of her tail revealed to Starlight the pink slit of her vagina. Despite the purple hue skewing colours, she could still clearly make it out. Despite the invasion, she did not feel guilt. It was by no means the first time she saw somepony's genitals. Being naked the majority of the time, she could count on the fact that she would catch glimpses of more of a pony than she'd like to, and that other ponies would see more of her than she’d like – either unwillingly or willingly. Living in such a society where nudity is the norm, she never once felt insecure about being exposed.

She never was a looker. Voluntary, at least. She's seen, but never intended to. A subconscious curiosity led her eyes to ponies' flanks every now and again, and she'd catch herself looking – initially not realising just what she was looking at. Having grown up – enlightened by sex education classes that fillies and colts were forced to take before the bridge of puberty led them into becoming adults – she could not help but bite her lip when she realised she had a glance at stallions' testicles, thinking about how plump and juicy they were, and she'd continue thinking about them as her desires consumed her. She fantasised, but not to the extent of her fantasising about Big Macintosh and Cheerilee, and she’d dream, but never committed. She couldn’t. After all, she had a duty to protect the integrity of her town. Even then, she never had the courage to do so, and as such she could do nought but dream.

Starlight had stared at Trixie’s rump on purpose. It was the first time she did so to anyone. She knew she should have felt guilty for her wrongdoing – especially to a good friend – but the thought alone didn’t muster even the slightest pang of regret. In fact, she imagined what it might've felt like – what it must've tasted like – to run her tongue over the pink snatch, hips writhing against her face as she mercilessly jammed her tongue deep inside. The vision ended swiftly; her instinct – her sense of dignity – remained aversive to the thought. She lay sprawled on the sofa and turned her mind blank as she watched the playful flicker of light dance along the ceiling. It prompted the response of, “I'm not boring you to sleep, am I?”

Starlight jolted upright and spun herself as though vainly hiding the fact she was ever laid down. “No, not at all. Sorry.”

Trixie gave an amused little hum. “Don't be. I was joking. Feel free to relax. I've made you what I like to call the 'Heather of Honesty Sandwich'. Flowers of heather and honesty, drizzled with rosemary sauce to give it a light tang. Plus, it doesn't make the sandwich dry. Nopony likes a dry sandwich.”

“Yeah. Understandable.” Starlight stared at the unashamedly large sandwich Trixie pressed in front of her face; the warm, musky scent of bread invaded her nostrils. An imposing presence to satiate Starlight's appetite, she took the plate hesitantly, murmuring her thanks.

Trixie laid out glasses – both of which had her cutie mark etched onto them – bottles of juice, and a bottle of Dragon Bleu onto the table beside their game of Deception. She had picked out blueberry juice for herself, which she poured as Starlight continued to stare at her sandwich – seemingly unknowing of what to do with it. Trixie glanced up at her as she screwed the cap back on the bottle. “Go on,” she urged, smirking, “it's only a sandwich. There's no need to be afraid of it. It's not as though it's gonna bite you. Give it a try.”

Starlight, all too aware of Trixie's relentless gaze, tentatively took a small bite. It was by no means exceptional, but the overflowing sweetness helped to somewhat soothe her body of tension. Settling her food on the plate and placing it onto the table, she considered her actions and decided to ask, unashamedly, if Trixie ever had a crush. Confidence was key. Any awkwardness, she thought, would rub off onto Trixie and would later ruin her chances of doing what Twilight wanted her to do.

Trixie blushed lightly. “It’s dumb and you’re gonna laugh. I didn’t have a crush on a stallion. I had a crush on a mare.”

“So you're a lesbian?”

“Nah. Can hardly say I'm that.” As she spoke, she poured vodka into her glass. “It was a seriously weird time for me. I felt I shouldn't be into mares – and I'm not – because I’m into stallions. In time, I figured everything out. Mare. Stallion. I didn't care. I'm straight, but when it comes down to it, I don't mind if I hook up with a mare. It was this mare from Neighjing. Cherry Blossom, she was called. She had the sweetest personality and she was wildly confident and smart. It was hard not to admire her and I admired her just a little too much where I kinda madly fell in love with her.” Trixie took a hearty gulp of her drink.

Starlight followed Trixie's suit and poured herself a drink, making sure to go heavy with the vodka. “Did you ever ask her out on a date?” As she took a sip, the overpowering alcohol invaded her nostrils and lungs, soaking her body in a dull burning sensation. Eyes wide as the drink caused tears to well, she realised she put too much vodka into the glass.

“Oh, hay no. There was no way I'd do that. Even the Great and Powerful Trixie has limits. Besides, it was clear she's into stallions. She was the type to obsess over colt bands, drooling over them. So I didn't bother, but it hurt. I really liked her a lot.”

“Do you still like her?”

“Always. I keep thinking about her and I'd like to see her again, but she wouldn't want to see me. I don't think anypony would want to ever see me again.” She gulped the last of her drink and poured another, immediately taking a swig.

“Trixie, I'm sure they'd love to see you again even if they weren't friends with you. You know they'd like to see you.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I'd rather not run the risk of being rejected again. I dunno. Maybe I'll see them again, maybe I won't. They have their own lives and I have mine, and I have no idea where any of them are anymore anyway.”

“If you don't mind me asking, if Cherry was willing, would you have sex with her?”

Trixie burst out laughing. “What sort of question is that? Of course I would! I'd do anything to make her happy. Fuck, I'm gonna regret saying all this.”

“Don't. It's okay. I'm not gonna judge you for it. I admire you for being open. You have a kind heart and you shouldn't be ashamed of it.” Starlight took a deep breath and held it until it started to make her feel dizzy. “I've been meaning to ask you something but it's...”

Trixie waited expectantly. When she came to the conclusion that Starlight was not going to finish what she was saying, she asked, “What is it?”

Starlight gave an awkward little grin that felt false even to her and asked, “Do you have a toilet here? I really could do with going.”

“Oh,” Trixie stared blankly, confused by the tangent Starlight took. “It's on the other side of the corridor to the left.”

“Alright, thanks.” Starlight brought herself to her hooves and made her way out of the room and, as the door closed behind her, she sat and leaned back against the door, staring at the ceiling. She squeezed her eyes shut and rested her head on her arms. For a minute, she remained like this, cursing at herself under her breath, then she heaved herself up and made her way to the bathroom.

It was much larger than she anticipated. Besides the toilet and sink, Trixie had a shower encased with gleaming glass, lined with a blueish silver, and a bath that could easily fit three ponies with room to spare, glistening with the same silvery blue sheen. The floor itself oozed Trixie’s facade of self-confidence during her show-stopping spectacles, glittering beneath pins of light that formed stars in the night sky of the ceiling.

She let the sound of urine splashing against porcelain and trickling into the pool of water drown out thoughts in her head, like white noise. Having expelled the waste within her, she remained on the toilet to consider her actions.

She felt constricted. Trapped within an erotic nightmare with an overwhelming claustrophobia crushing her. She had plenty of erotic dreams in the past and she didn't hate them. In fact, she took private pleasure in them and felt a slight yearning for the fantasy to become reality. However, there was one difference between the dreams and the situation she was stuck in: her conscience was alive and burning. She wanted to get out and considered galloping away from Ponyville. What prevented her from doing so is that she would be alone and wouldn’t have anywhere to live. Maybe being sexually reckless is better than being homeless, she thought, yet this didn't make the situation any easier for her. Trixie was a special friend and she couldn't bear to use her for her own gains. She remembered Twilight's words, that maybe if she did ask Trixie, she would be giving something precious to her, but she scoffed at the idea. Her conscience wouldn't allow her to accept it.

All the while, her eyes remained glued to the pink slit of her vagina and, letting Twilight's ideals consume her, she pried apart the folds of skin and began to trace around the erogenous zone with a hoof. Despite it eliciting a tingle through her nethers, it brought no pleasure to Starlight. It was an autonomous response to the pressure brought onto her and she continued to rub her vagina in her effort to break through her comfort barrier. Having never masturbated before, she hadn't the knowledge of how to pleasure herself and, instead of jamming her hoof hard against her clitoris, she focused solely on scraping her labia with the edge of her hoof sliding clumsily in between the lips.

Starlight closed her eyes and leaned her head back, breathing deeply through her nostrils as she focussed her senses on gentle touches in hope of bringing a wave of pleasure crashing over her body. She pressed her back into the toilet to thrust her hips up to open herself up and increase the sensation, buttocks settled on the front of the seat.

Opening her eyes, she glanced across the bathroom. She glimpsed an object that took her a short while to identify. It was tucked away in the corner of the shower yet stood proudly for attention. Starlight clicked open the shower door with her magic and levitated the blue toy towards her. Pressed close to her face, Starlight could feel her heart hammering within her excitedly. The sight of it had stolen her breath due to both the sheer size of the dildo and the thought of her friend using such a toy on herself. It was apparent Trixie was fond of realistic dildos, as it had thick veins running along the shaft and had testicles at the base with wrinkles and bumps to emulate the feel of the scrotum hitting against her groin.

After a moment's hesitation, she drew the dildo against her, sliding the thick shaft against her vagina. The smooth yet bumpy surface elicited a quiet moan through Starlight's lips. She bucked her hips gently against the rubber, thinly lubricating the shaft with her fluids.

She switched her gentle rubs to sharp thrusts in much the same way that a stallion’s penis would thrust desperately against her. Rubbing against her clitoris, shivers crawled through her body – a dull tingle washing over her. Her breaths became short and her moans became more prominent – less self-aware – her eyes heavy lidded and occasionally closed to soak in the pleasure and feel her body melt as her muscles lost strength, controlled by carnal desire.

Starlight opened her eyes and watched as she pulled the shaft so the tip pressed against her vagina. She bit her lip as she pushed on the dildo with her magic, feeling it stretch her vagina open and gasped as the flared tip slid inside. The vaginal walls constricted against the toy, generating a pressure that made her body throb. She waited until her body calmed before she pushed the dildo further inside her, all the while feeling the flared tip push its way forward. Starting tame, she felt the bump of the medial ring at her entrance and she gently pulled the dildo an inch back, savouring the length and girth before she pushed it back in and continued to thrust in this fashion to prolong the shameless bliss smothering her body.

Desiring more, she increased the speed of the thrusts, rocking lightly against the toilet. She angled the dildo upwards and climbed onto the toilet with one leg, tilting her body slightly to one side as her magic slid out of her control, jamming the entire length inside her. She released a squeal as her body clamped up as though an electric shock passed through her. The shaft remained planted within her for a moment, her body quivering from the overwhelming size, then she slid the shaft back out until she felt the tip near the entrance, then she slammed it back inside to the hilt, gasping from the force as her insides exploded with pleasure. She wasted no time with sliding it back out and slamming it back in, repeating this motion as her body quivered uncontrollably from the relentless hammering.

She felt ashamed. She felt dirty. She felt vile. She felt depraved. Yet, she felt liberated. Starlight's mind became a blank slate, focussed only on reaching her climax, juices oozing along the shaft, down the scrotum and onto the floor. Breaths ragged, legs shaking, arm draped over the cistern, mouth agape and eyes rolled back, a wave pushed through her body, thrusting her chest in the air. A quiet spatter sounded as her juices squirted from her. She slid back onto the toilet, breathing heavily and feeling dizzy, arms limp by her sides.

She rested, head lolled back, until strength came back to her. She hoisted herself onto her hooves and, before she left the bathroom, she made sure to clean the floor and the dildo, and that the toy was placed back in the shower.

Back in the living room, Trixie was pouring another glass of her cocktail. The bottle of Dragon Bleu was half empty. They resumed their game. Starlight remained quiet, all too self-conscious of the hollow feeling within her; of her need to be filled once again. She wondered if Trixie had heard her moans. She wanted to pretend it never happened, yet she wanted to do it again. To lose control. To become absorbed in the throes of orgasm. To be at peace.

Now, however, she could only feel shame. Shame that she performed such a perverted act. Shame that she brought herself to do it under Twilight's pressure. Shame that she had enjoyed it.

Trixie noticed that Starlight gradually became sombre as the game progressed. She was restrictive with her words and avoided eye contact, slumped on the sofa. It was Trixie who asked the questions, encouraging Starlight to converse. The effort, however, became laborious and Starlight, at times clamped up, seeming to be elsewhere, mentally.

The game of Deception ended with Starlight winning. She, however, displayed no joy in winning. Trixie silently packed up the game and tucked it away on a shelf.

“If anything is the matter, Starlight,” she said, “I'm here for you. You don't have to tell me now, but you can tell me at any time even if it's tomorrow or a week from now. Don't keep it bottled inside you.”

“What would you do,” Starlight murmured, “if you were forced into something you don't want to do?”

Trixie was perplexed. “What do you mean? Is it Twilight again? She's done that before. You told me. You pulled through. Whatever she's making you do, you'll pull through. I know you will.”

“It's not the same.”

“So what's different about it? What's she getting you to do?” Starlight chuckled and stared into the flames. She didn't answer. “Whatever it is, don't be afraid of talking about it. Maybe I could help you.” Starlight remained silent, watching the flames crackle.

“I’m sorry,” Starlight said after a lengthy moment of awkward silence, “I should go.”

“Are you sure? I don't want you to be alone while you're upset.”

Starlight took a deep breath. “I'll be fine.” So Starlight left Trixie's home and trudged her way back to the castle, her legs barely able to carry her along. Back home, she lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Unable to move and unable to think. In time, Starlight fell into a dark sleep. It was her only respite.