The Story of a Master Thief

by LotusCake

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Drama, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 3956

This is the story of your not so average OC. In her early years, Nocturna found she had certain... Skills. She uses them for the sake of her family.

As Nocturna grew, she found a certain adoration for comic conventions. At a particularly fateful one, she tripped into a portal, and emerged in another world. She's apparently a queen from some ancient prophesy. The world awaited her first command. To which she replied, take me to your comicon. As the story progresses, hijinks ensue. Rated Teen for strong language.

Published 2016-05-19 00:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-23 05:15:10 UTC

Cutie Mark for the Cure

Cutie Mark for the Cure

Before we can start talking about how awesome I am, I must explain my cutie mark. If I were in a comic book, one could call this my origin story. This is a regular story, a fanfic at that. This is simply a prologue.

My name is Nocturna. My mothers' names are Stormy Seas and Derpy Hooves. I only have one thing in common with one of them, though. I have eyes similar to mama Derpy. While her eyes are gold, mine are more of a copper. Quick description of my family's appearance, starting with me. My coat is cherry red, becoming gradient to black at my muzzle, hooves, and wing tips. I have black hair with white streaks. I wear glasses because my eyes were not very strong at birth. Mama Derpy is a gray mare with a bubble cutie mark and gold hair and eyes. Mama Stormy Seas is, well, sea green, with aqua marine hair with blue streaks, and stormy gray eyes.'

Onto the topic of jobs! Mama Stormy was a sailor with the New Lunar Navy, and has since retired. Mama Derpy was one of the couriers for the New Lunar Army. She still runs messages from time to time, but she is usually home. I can't work, being a filly at this point. The N.L.R. pays them handsomely for their service. Unfortunately, handsomely is not enough sometimes...

One day, while the three of us were playing playing Halo 2 in the living room, mama Stormy collapsed. Me and mama Derpy freaked out. Fortunately, being raised by military parents, no matter how loving, teaches a certain level of calm. Mama Derpy recovered from her shock and we each grabbed a hoof. Separate, we would not have been able to move her. Together, we lifted her from the floor and flew her to the nearest V.A.

It was thirty minutes before she woke up.

“Wh-where a I?” Stormy said groggily.

“The V.A., honey. You passed out suddenly. We flew you to the hospital to have you looked at...” Derpy replied. “They performed some tests. They should be back any moment with the results.”

We sat in silence as we waited. My mothers snuggled with each other. It was an additional thirty minutes before a doctor showed up.

“Ah, good to see you awake, ma'am. My name is Doctor Nurse Purpleheart. You being awake, however, is where your good news ends, I'm afraid. Before I tell you, you might ask-”

“To ask Nocturna to step out of the room? No. She needs to know. She is a smart filly. I'd rather her know now.” Mama Stormy said.

“As you wish, ma'am. I'm afraid you have stage four cancer. It has progressed so far, in fact, that the cells have made your way heart. There is no treatment in existence as of this moment that we can use to save you. I'm sorry.”

My mothers raised me to be cal in all situations where my emotions might get out of check. It was their military instinct. They also knew better than to question what they have been told. I, however, wasn't raised that way.

“I know I'm only a filly, but I know magic does many things. Are you sure there isn't a spell that can cure her?”

“I'm afraid not Nocturna.”

“How long does she have, Doc?” Derpy asked suddenly.

“Three years.”

Over the course of the next year, Stormy started getting her estate in order. She slowly started putting some money aside for me and Derpy when she passed. Shortly after getting an account in our name with a military off shore bank, she started recieving visits from her old military buddies. During these visits, I was either playing a game or reading. Momma Derpy insisted on this.

After a year and a half passed, a bit of a saving grace fell into my life. During a bi-weekly visit from one of her navy pals, one of them had brought a newspaper. They handed me the comics section as was custom, but there was something on the back of the funny pages that caught my eye. A certain... Article.

"Scientists from Maretonia discover the cure for cancer! After years of research and testing, a cure for cancer has been discovered. However, due to limited supply and availability of the ingredients, the price has been set at 20 billion bits. Insurance does not cover it."

My mind raced with excitement. I ran to momma Stormy with the news.

"Nocturna, we cannot afford that. Even if we could set money aside for it, and ALL of my old crew pitched in, we would not be able to afford it in time." Stormy said to me, a sad smile on her face.

"B-but momma... I don't want you to die... There has to be someway..." I sobbed.

No. Actually, I cried. She tried comforting me, but it was of no use. She was going to die. And I couldn't save her. No one could. Or... Maybe I could. I was never meant to be the hero, I realized. Oh no. I was born to be the villain.

I started looking for information around town. I was able to use my allowance to grease some hooves for information. Apparantly, a shipment had just arrived at the V.A. that contained a couple of packages of the stuff. Great. That's some good news.

Next, using an upcoming school project and my mothers' military IDs, I obtained the blueprints for the V.A. Day and night for the next couple of months, I studied the layout of the building. Eventually, I was able to decide on an entrance, path to the room, and an exit strategy or three.

After that, I had a more difficult task. Learning the camera layout. However, that was something a decent disguise and a well thought out lie could remedy. I was able to pull off pretending to be a Jr Novelist with the local paper. Upon arrival, I presented them with a well made fake ID made for me by a foal named Faux Papier. I asked for a tour of the place, and they showed me around the entire building. I made careful note of the camera spread, turning speed, the frequency of the camera. Fortunately, fate smiled upon me. I saw someone entering the code to open the door containing the medicines. Smiling to myself, I "accidentally" dropped my quill and paper. I made note of the numbers they pressed, played them over and over in my head, and my work here was done for now.

We were now at the beginning of the third year, and I had two tasks left. First, practice. I went to the neighborhood kids and started playing games like cops and robbers, tag, red light green light, chase, and hide and seek. Of course, only I caught on to the theme of the games. For the first three months of the year, I played these games until I was unstoppable. Until I won every time.

The second task I had had left was the action. Late at night, when my parents were asleep, probably midnight or so, I grabbed my saddle bag and snuck out through my window.

Thirty minutes later, I found myself outside the hospital. With a gulp of air and nerves, I began my flight to the top of the building. Upon reaching the top, I immediately found the air duct I needed for my entrance. Fifteen minutes of crawling around through them, and I finally found the exit I had planned. I carefully removed the vent cover and set it down gently. I took the mirror out of my bag and used it to make sure I was clear for the hall. It took a few moments, but finally the cameras were at the ideal timing. I lowered myself out of the vent. I had a few moments before having to move again, so i carefully placed the vent cover in place and made my way from blind spot to blind spot. I had finally reached the door. I heard hoof steps from around the corner and quickly made my way up onto the ceiling. A guard came around the corner, a flash light on and looking around. I quickly, and quietly, fell behind him as he turned the flashlight upwards. As he turned back towards the way he came, I hugged the wall. He didn't see me, which was good. I waited until he was a ways down the hall before turning my attention back to the key pad. I put in the combination and the sliding glass doors opened with a slight hiss. I entered the room and started looking around. Slowly, something dawned on me. I didn't know what the fuck I was looking for.

I thought back to what I was told about it back when I was bribing for information. It was honey colored and smelled of minthe. I used that to narrow my search accordingly. I had maybe fifteen minutes before the guard came back, so i had to hurry. I looked at the contents of every open box. Nothing matched it. I started carefully opening boxes left and right. I found a box labeled "Canibis". I grabbed it because I figured I might need some before this was all over. I had two boxes and as many minutes. I quickly opened them and found two identical colored serums. One minute. I dripped some from the syringe onto my hoof. Giving it a smell, it revealed it wasn't what I was looking for. I grabbed three of the syringes filled with the cure and carefully placed them in my bag. I quickly closed the boxes. Thirty seconds. I quietly sprinted out of the room and closed the door. I could hear hoof steps and see the light. I took my place on the ceiling as he came back around three corner. I repeated the process I had before, and he was none the wiser.

I made my way to the nearest of my exit strategies and quickly made my escape into the night. On my stroll home, I had heard two mares in a slight argument.

"Huzzah! My winnings hath been doubled! Pay up Tia!" one of them had said.

"No fair Lu! Double or nothing! I bet 300 bits she can't find us." the one who must be Tia said.

"You're so on!" Lu said.

At that moment I flew up above the nearest building to scope out the scene. A few streets over, I saw a cloaked figure waving at me and beckoning me over. I flew over and found myself in the presence of the princesses. I bowed before them and heard this.

"Huzzah! The doubled winnings hath been doubled! Fork it over Tia!" Luna had said.

"Fine..." Celestia had said before passing a bag over to Luna filled with the winnings.

"Thank you, dear Nocturna! Thou hast quadrupled the bits I had at the beginning of this venture. Now hurry on home. Thou dids't not take those for simple pleasure. Make haste." Luna said to me.

Awaiting no further prompting, i hurried home. From behind me i heard,

"Come now, Tia. I shall purchase for us a meal to celebrate!"

I was home in moments. I may have slammed the front door open in my haste, but only Derpy awoke. She quietly questioned why i had been out, to which i'd replied saving the family. I took a syringe out of my bag and explained what it was.

"How? How did you get it?" she asked, eyes wide.

"The less you know, the better. Hurry. We got to do it."

We went up stairs and cleaned an area on her foreleg. Taking the time to administer the proper procedure, we applied the cure. As we did, a tingling made home of my flank. I looked at the source and saw that a cutie mark slowly appear on my flank. It was a jeweled candle stick. I giggled to myself because I undertood it. In Skyrim, a game I am quite fond of, I had joined the thieves guild. A mission I all to often had was to break into a home and take that very object.

The Wind Will Whisper

Question that's unrelated to this chapter... You guys ever listen to a song while playing a game or writing a thing or anything like that and realize how fitting the song is? Fun right? So I'm playing a card game, right? And this song called Night Witches by Sabaton comes on and it just matches what my deck is doing so well!

Any way! This chapter is actually about my going through the portal. So. Expect fuck shit.

Years after curing my mother, and making a metric shit ton of money of the black market from the other two syringes, I attended my first comicon! The usual set up of booths were up and vending stalls of all sorts were in abundance. Of course, I made sure to go in my "Dragon scale" armor. Making that costume was a pain! I didn't steal the scales off of the appropriate dragons for it to just sit there in my closet... Though in retrospect, that costume probably was not the best ice breaker. I mean, Master Chief costumes were to be found every where! Super heroes? Even more so. Fur-suits? Fuggedaboutit! But Skyrim costumes? I think I was the only one. Sad, really...

Booth after booth I traveled. That deck I mentioned? I made sure to get more cards of the same game. Video games, oh i stocked up! Comics? Well, you don't go to a comicon to buy toilet paper! The art work I grabbed while there was simply... Well... Divine!

Then I heard this;

"I bet thirty bits she walks into it." said an oddly familiar voice...
"Sixty says she trips and falls into it accidentally." said another memorable tone.

That's when I saw the Sisters. And tripped over a snail, fell into the portal, and heard,

"No fair Tia! You moved that snail in her way!"

Now, I could detail to you a master plan to attain an item from any where and of any import. I could chronicle to you history's greatest thieves. I could tell you why you got caught stealing that tiny object! But I could NOT describe to you this space-time worm hole thing.

Simply put, what I experienced was... Interesting. I saw sounds, smelled colors, tasted texture, heard flavors, and felt scents. Besides the sounds, I also saw a myriad of colors. The surrounding area, if you could call it that, was a tubular shape, with kind of a spilled oil coloration. Minus the black part of the spill. Then it changed. The tube changed its colors to match my cherry red coat with it's black accents, my black and white mane and tail, even the gold and jewels from my cutie mark!

Then everything went black. Slowly, my senses returned to their proper places. Under me I felt a crisp yet damp texture I'm sure was grass. I smelled a sweet honey-dew like smell. I heard the wind starting to whip up, like the very wind had been waiting for the return of its master as a dog might. I tasted the beginning of what might have been bile turn into a more pleasant vanilla flavor. Finally, the darkness faded and I stood.

I stood on the top of a hill covered in three foot high grass. At first I thought I was alone, but a quick glance down the hill revealed a large group of people staring directly at me. Slowly, one by one, they kneeled before me.

Confused, I looked around, only to find a giant rock right next to me. On its smooth facade was carved an image, painted by berries and clay. An entity standing in a field very like this one. The words carved around it were in a script I recognized all to well, because I invented it. The words were "I will come and mark an eternity of peace. Trust in your Goddess and ye shall know love."

The entity in the field? It was me. My mane and tail, perfectly captured. My cherry red coat and feathers, the black tips on my muzzle, hooves, and wings... Even my cutie mark. Down to the placement and coloration of the jewels.

The rock began glowing as I stared at it. As if destiny ordained my arrival, a crown phased through the stone and set itself upon my head. The crown, mind you, was eerily similar to the jagged crown from Skyrim.

I returned my gaze to the ponies at the bottom of the hill. My mind, while not yet ready to process all this meant, put two and two together. I was the self prophesied goddess of this realm. These were my ponies. And they were awaiting my divine command.

"Rise, my children." I said in a voice, that while my own, enjoyed a few more layers to it.

"What would you ask of us, m'Lady?" the pony who must be their Elder inquiried.

"Take me to your comicon."

Author's Note

I apologize in advance and perhaps late if there are any errors or if you find the chapter length insufficient or improperly paced. Comments are appreciated. As per the rules of the site, I cannot post lyrics to songs that are not from mlp or of my own creation. So, a disclaimer: While the chapter name is also lyrics to the song mentioned at the beginning of the chapter, it also refers to the scene that unfolds. The card game she mentions is Magic the Gathering, a tcg made by wizards of the coast, whom i have been told is owned by hasbro. Not taking chances. For the most part, in my stories, i will name a song and its artist. Simply so you may search it up or know what is happening. I hope you enjoy my stories.

A Night to Remember

This episode is brought to you by the word fuck and the number 69.

Well, after last week's episode, they took me to what I assumed was my castle. It turned out to be just that, actually, but at the time I had no way of knowing. Well, the other me, (or perhaps myself?), had made sure that my wants were met. Such as, my throne has speakers on either side of it, a port to connect my USB that holds my music to it, my bed chambers held an extensive gaming library, tartarus, even a hidden room with a fully stocked mini fridge for the table top stuff.

Of course the castle came with the usual castley things. Fully stocked kitchen, the works. But I really wanted a drink from a bar... And I know that the author didn't flow that idea set to well, but cut her a break.

I had a townsfolk guide me to a bar that they recommended. It was, appropriately, a back alley establishment with no sign and password required. Of course, they make exception when your a fucking goddess.

So, after entering, I noticed that almost literally every patron was talking with someone of the same gender. Now, we all know that usually doesn't mean anything. But let's consider the large majority of them that were kissing or giving their partner the bedroom eyes.

Fucking sweet! I was at my dream gay bar! I kinda always had this dream of meeting "the One"at a bar. I or her would slide up to the bar, next to the other... We would start talking about either stealing or a common fandom... We would laugh as the hours flew by... Drinking to our hearts content. As the bar made it's last call, we would slip into the night and find our way to one of our places or maybe a hotel room, where we would end the night in each other's arms. The next morning, we would kiss in greeting and begin our lives together by exchanging addressees and go out on a date every week or so.

And, so far, this bar held the promise of meeting a thief. Which would be AMAZING! I mean, imagine, having someone to have your back "on the job".

At the bar, I spotted her. She sat alone, head bowed and staring intently at her drink. I think it was rum from what I could smell. The international drink of pirates and thieves! I went up to her.

"Damn it, Lu! You keep winning our bets!" A certain voice said at the corner of the bar.

"Thou speakest as if thou expects results of another reality, Tia!" Luna replied.

A bag of coins was exchanged before they disappeared. I mean, not invisible, not leaving quickly, but full on disappeared.

I turned my attention back to her.

"Hello, beautiful. Is that a pencil in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" I asked, using a line from one of the games I've played.

She turned to face me, "I can't be happy to see you for two reasons; one, I've never met you. Two, I'm blind."

Shit. Shit fuck. Fuck Shit. Fuck Shit dammit to tartarus. I didn't know she was blind!

"Erm... My name is Nocturna. I am highly interested in you."

She laughed off the awkwardness and smiled, "Hi. I'm Diurna. I may not have my sight, but even I can see you're gorgeous."

Damn she's smooth.

I sat at the bar and ordered a rum. Family tradition states the first be straight, no mixers. No chasers. I downed that bitch.

"So... For lack of a better line... You ever slept with a goddess before?" I said, trying the cheesiest pick up line fate could have given me.

"No."

"You wanna?"

"Sure. One condition."

"Yeah...?"

"We get to know each other first."

"I'm a thief."

"In Skyrim or real life?"

"Yes."

"My kind of woman! Despite my lack of vision, I'm quite the organized individual. Maybe we plan a heist together one day?"

"Two conditions."

"Yeah...?"

"One, be my personal assistant."

"Sure. And the second?"

"Marry me."

"Of course. Wanna make out our something?"

I ordered a rum with coke, downed that bitch in one go, and kissed her. We held that passionate moment for a long time. After a few more rums, and the last call was made, I took her back to the castle. You can guess what we did next.

That's right! Played fucking video games and music all night long! Wondering how she played? Well, she's my assistant. Of course she was helping me. The castle's game room was equipped with surround sound. She used that to listen for foot steps and spells being cast.

We ended the night in each other's arms. As consciousness slipped from my grasp, I heard the following.

"Luna. How did you know THAT was EXACTLY how they would end the night? I thought for sure they were gonna buck..."

"Tia... Only NORMAL bar goers FUCK after that kind of interaction. We aren't in Canterlot, you don't have to use the nicer terms. They are GAMERS. They require no lustful actions. Now pay the fuck up!"

After the rustle of another bag, I fell the fuck asleep.

The next morning, I awoke to the best breakfast ever. And she was still there.

Author's Note

Hey. Sorry for taking so long to update. The chapter took a turn that I was unsure of how to continue.