Your Friendly Neighborhood Rarity!
Author's Note
Last one I swear on me mum, this is unedited so keep that in mind when reading.
1. Hark, A Pony Thread!
“I need your hair, Gimme.”
Rarity, confused and angered by the strange creature talking to her, shakes her head violently “M-my mane? Whatever for?”
“No time to explain!” Spider-Man pulled back his fist and cold clocked the alabaster (white was so uncouth afterall) unicorn in the nose.
With the sudden introduction of fist to face, Rarity fell to the ground like a sack of sophisticated potatoes.
Nodding at his handy work the wall crawler went straight to business, bending over he picked up the unicorn and walked over to the nearest closet, shoving her inside it like a dapper coat, or maybe a fine pair of shoes.
Taking a pair of scissors, Spider-man meticulously separated her mane from her head, it was in perfect condition, not a strand out of place, and with that he slammed the door and left the unicorn to her nap.
He was about to try and attach the hair to his own head, jealous of how fabulous it was, when a hissing noise caused his spidey sense to tingle. Turning around he saw Rarity’s pet cat standing on the counter beside him, her back arched and teeth bared towards the Man-Spider.
Blinking he narrowed his eyes (eye slits? Mask eyes?) at the cat “You saw nothing!” and with that he continued towards his objective.
Spider-Man, fashioned himself a man of art, and like an artist he had to be meticulous and masterful in his craft. With that thought, he walked over to a bucket of alabaster (white was so barbaric after all) paint and proceeded to pour (a properly lady does not dump!) the entire bucket over himself.
Satisfied with his handy work, and ignoring the now drying stain on the floor, Spider-Man sauntered over to Rarity’s night stand and plucked some fake eyelashes out of her makeup box. He could have removed the ones she had on, but he didn’t want to be rude.
Putting the eyelashes on over his mask eyes (eye mask?) he then used his webbing to glue the hair to the top of his head. Looking in the mirror he admired his work. His costume was now fully white, not counting the black lines and spider symbol, and his hair was fabulous. He was about to turn to leave when he noticed something that couldn’t stand! He didn’t have a tail, or a butt mark!!
Growling in frustration, he marched over to the closet where he had deposited Rarity, and meticulously shaved her tail and cut out two quick patches of fur that made up her cutie mark. With that done Spiderman made a rope out of web, and attached the hair to it, curling it like Rarity’s he then put it where he thought his tail bone was. After that he used his webbing to quickly attach his new Tramp stamps to his thighs.
With his work complete Spider-Rarity was about to go on his/her merry way, when the little bell at the entrance rang. Using his spider powers to hide behind the nearest desk, he heard the sound of stubby little legs making their way over to his position.
“Rarity? I’m here for our daily gem hunting!” Spike shouted out, he looked around the boutique (store was so boorish!) for the white (hisss) unicorn but he couldn’t see her.
Peeking over the desk Spider-Rarity looked at the little dragon “yes Spikey Wikey, I am ready for our gem hunting.” he said, startling Spike with his/her sudden appearance.
“Umm, dude your not Rarity.” Spike rubbed his chin squinting at the strange creature before him.
Hopping up on the desk and striking a seductive pose (Like one of your french girls) Spider-Rarity just smiled (though you couldn’t see it through his mask) “Whatever do you mean daaaawling” He drawled in his most offensive southern accent.
Spike just shook his head “no seriously, you do look kinda like her but you’ve got the eye lashes all wrong, she normally puts mascara on her fake lashes to make them look real.” Spike pointed out.
Spider-Rarity palmed his face “Shit! I knew I got something wrong!”
“Yea dude, You did a good job though, I didn’t even know they sold Rarity based wigs!” Spike scratched the top of his head “But thinking about it, it makes sense She is a hero of Equestria after all!”
Spiderman looked at Spike for a second before speaking “...Yea, A wig...Hey Spikey, Ol buddy ol pal, let’s make one thing clear ok?”
Spike just smiled and nodded “Sure man, what’s up?”
“I was NEVER here” With that he reached into his suits pocket and tossed down a smoke bomb “Spiderman away!” With a thwipping noise and a sudden crash he webslung out the window, leaving a coughing and confused Spike to his own devices.
When the smoke cleared Spike was about to turn and leave when a very uncultured scream reached his ears, turning around he saw Rarity looking into her mirror with fire in her eyes, bald in three places and a murderous look in her gaze.
Gulping Spike cursed the mysterious creature, for leaving him in this situation.
“Where is he!?” Rarity turned and growled at Spike “Where is that absolutely uncouth, barbaric, hair stealing ruffian!?”
The little Dragon didn’t know what to do, he had promised the two legged creature that he wouldn’t spill the beans on where he was, and even if he didn’t know the bro code demanded he not tell anyone. At the same time he needed a way out of this situation, and he cared a lot about Rarity to. Looking around he saw his way out, as Deadpool sauntered on into the boutique with a spring in his step.
“Howdy! I was told this was the best place to get some Chimichangas!” He grinned goofily behind his mask.
Before anything else could be said Spike pointed at him “That’s him! That’s the Guy who stole your hair!”
With that Rarity screeched at the Merc with A Mouth and dived towards him, intent on ripping him limb from limb. The sound of screaming could be heard for miles, and in the distance away from Ponyville, Spiderman was swinging away, his hair still fabulous as ever.
