The Big Mistake (one shot)
"You know what Berry, I figured it out!"
"Oh boy, here he goes again"
"It's me I'm the issue here, I'm not allowed to exist am I?"
To Berry Punch, this was a routine conversation that she heard at least 3 times a week, always held in her favorite little bar, the Iron Kettle. She and I would always come here to relax and unwind after long days of work with a drink among good company. Of course Berry never realized at first what she had been doing, she was in fact making a big mistake. "I'm just some mistake someone up there didn't realize they had made, and by the time they noticed it was too late and now they're just hoping no one else notices".
"And, whats got you thinking this today?" Berry asked, knowing exactly how the conversation would unfold.
"Well I realized it today at work, y'see I only have three states of mind at any time, I'm either angry, miserable, or suicidal!" I threw my forhooves up in the air "I mean seriously, I always catch myself feeling one of those three ways and that's it!" With a thump I put my hooves on the table before taking my mug and putting back a good ol' gulp of FFB Specialty Brand Cider(patent pending).
"Aww come on, you know thats not true, I've seen you smile lots of times!" Berry interjected "I mean you were smiling earlier when we came to sit down, and weren't you in a good mood until just before you started this rant?" She took a more refined sip of her drink while waiting for my response.
"Well, Yeah, but that's different, I only get flashes of happiness before I'm dropped back in the pit of negativity, and even then I still feel the anger clawing at me when i'm happy!" I sighed and drooped my head to the table, my horn was now stuck in the table. "Even now, I'm relaxing with one of my best friends and I can't help but feel like nothings going for me" I tried to lift my head but failed "See, now I'm stuck to the table!" Berry giggle before nudging my head with a hoof and quickly popping my horn out of the table.
"That was your fault though, didn't your parents ever teach you not stab the table with your horn?" She smiled and took another sip of her drink. "You've also been working alot recently, maybe you've just been over working yourself and are a bit too stressed out at the moment? Why don't you ask for a few days off, I'm sure the post office can handle sorting the mail without you for a few days!"
"Berry, I can't do that, if I have time to relax then that means I have more time to notice my issues with existing" I put my hoof over the dent where my horn was stuck in the table, "and besides with the Ponyville Post the way it is there's no way they could last a day without me, which is wrong, it should be the other way around!" I never noticed until now but I seemed to have a habit with moving my hooves around when I talked, "as a being that shouldn't exist in the first place the post office shouldn't be relying on me in the first place"
"You're good at your job, and look your cutie mark is an actual ledger, you have a talent for knowing every things place, so you should know yours is in that mail room and that you're not a mistake, you're needed and meant to be here" Berry always knew how to make me feel better, even if I knew her words weren't entirely true. She's right about one thing, I knew where things did and didn't belong and I knew that I didn't belong in reality in the first place.
"Thanks Berry, I appreciate it, maybe one day I'll feel that way too" I couldn't tell her she was wrong, she was always there for me whenever I needed somepony to unload on, and she's too sweet for me to stay bitter. "But enough about that, I wan't to hear about your day".
* * * * *
It was well past midnight when I finally got home, and I was surprised how sober I had remained throughout the night. I entered my little apartment and looked around the empty space. In the back there was a bed and a stack of papers along with a few bottles of ink and a quill. Tonight I would once more try to write out a will for in case I ceased to exist like I knew I eventually would. All my bits would go to my parents save a small stash for Berry who'd always been there for me. I went to sleep with a fresh copy of my will sitting in the middle of the entryway to my apartment.
The next morning I never showed up for my job, and Berry missed me at the bar. A few days later the local Authorities knocked on my door before fetching the landlord to open it for them. Inside they found an empty mattress, a stack of paper, a few used bottles of ink, a dirty quill and the key to the apartment. My will was later found crumple up in the corner of the room. My few belongings were sold off and and my bits were sent out to those I addressed them too. Unfortunately Berry cried when she got the bits and the letter explaining how she came to own a small fortune.
I was a mistake, and finally they noticed me.
