The Stick of Truth: Equestria

Night was falling over Canterlot Castle. The Solar guard were now changing positions with their Night-Guard counterparts. The servants were busying themselves with the night-duties, setting up the fires and placing Warming-Pans between the bed sheets. Yet there was one Pony not settling down for the night. The Throne room, which by day would glow with many different shades of shimmering light, was now growing shadowy. Princess Celestia sighed to herself, staring at the massive pile of paperwork, her quill hovering over a report for new armor that her captains had filed. Except that the length of parchment was covered in doodles of the same Stallion, staring out at her with blank eyes. The Princess had been staring down at the doodles she'd made for so long that several drops of ink had plopped onto the page, running across the rest of the doodles. The Alicorn of the Sun sighed heavily, placing the quill back into the ink-pot. She resettled royal tuckus back down on the thrones cushion, placed her snout on her hooves, a pose most would consider undignified for a Princess and stared down at the doodles. Celestia just couldn't get that Stallion out of her mind. Douche-Bag had been hounding her thoughts for days. Ever since she'd had breakfast with and Twilight....Celestia was sure she'd outgrown these girlish antics and yet here she was, fantasizing over a Stallion she barely knew. He was probably way younger than she was.

"Princess Celestia?" The voice made the Princess of the Sun jump about a foot in the air. A brown furred Stallion, dressed in a white lab coat, with large glasses on his face and a stethoscope hanging around his neck. Doctor Bio. The chief Medical officer in the castle. The Stallion was carrying a large clipboard, with a roll of parchment attached to it. Celestia quickly resettled herself into a more dignified position whilst the Doctor made the long trek down the Hallway. "I'm sorry to trouble you so late Princess." The Doctor said apologetically, coming to a stop in front of the Throne and bowing deeply. "It took a little longer than normal to have the results processed." The Earth-Pony took a large scroll of parchment from his coat pocket and attached it to the original piece on the clipboard. He held it out to the Princess. "The results are....slightly disturbing." Celestia took the clipboard, levitating it in her golden magic and pulling it closer to her face. By the dim light of the candles surrounding her, Celestia could make out the form of a Stallion's body. It was am X-Ray shot. But...something was wrong with the picture. Instead of the usual Skeleton parts, the inside of the Stallion's body was...warped, rather as though something had smudged the picture as it was being developed. The bones and different veins and arteries were all twisted and smudged. "It's strange isn't it?" the Doctor said calmly. Celestia looked up, quirking an eyebrow in confusion. "Take a look at the other piece of Parchment I've added." Doctor Bio nodded at the attachment. The Princess frowned and ran an eye down the large amount of text.

"The Stallion known as Douche-Bag appears to be undergoing a state of continuous metamorphosis. From the X-Ray's taken several days before-hoof, it would appear that the subject is aged fifteen to eighteen. However, a second X-ray that was taken has revealed a rather curious fact. The second X-Ray appears to belong to the body of a young adult Stallion." Celestia's eyes narrowed as the report continued.
"Judging from the strange fluctuations in the subjects body, Douche-Bag appears to be both younger and older than he actually is." Celestia frowned. "In addition to the strange fluctuations his body is experiencing, Douche-Bag also appears to suffer from some form of disorder. From notes provided by both Twilight-Sparkle and our Majesty, Princess Celestia, Douche-Bag seems either unwilling or unable to speak. At first, it was believed that this silent Stallion was suffering from a certain condition or disorder. However, this is not the case. The results that we have drawn from the examination of Douche-Bag, suggests that he is suffering from some form of Post-Traumatic stress. What trauma he has suffered from is currently unknown. However, it should be noted that if this Trauma has damaged Douche-Bag's ability to speak then it may have also have damaged other aspects of the Stallion's psyche. It is highly recommended that Douche-Bag be detained and treated as soon as possible if only for his own safety." Celestia lowered the parchment and clipboard, staring at Doctor Bio in surprise.

"Princess..." the Doctor said, his blue eyes narrowed in concern. "I know you asked me to do these tests in secrecy....But there is something very wrong with this Douche-Bag." The Doctor seated himself by the throne, taking the clipboard back from the Princess and studying the results. "I had some time to study this Stallion whilst he was here at the castle. And I know what I am looking at." He showed Celestia the blurred out X-Ray. "At some point in his life, Douche-Bag has been the target of some form of aging and teleportation spell. When combined, these spells produce some very nasty effects as I'm sure you know." Celestia nodded slowly. Doctor Bio sighed. "And the reports mention of Post-Traumatic-Stress...It is more than a little disturbing." The Medical Stallion looked up at his ruler, a look of deep misgiving upon his face. "Whilst I cannot say that Douche-Bag is dangerous, I do have some misgivings about the findings. I would recommend that Douche-Bag is brought back here for...treatment." Celestia frowned, looking down at the piece of Parchment, deep in thought. "And..If I may Princess?" the Doctor leaned in conspiratorially. "If anything, we need to get Douche-Bag back here....before it's too late for him."

Celestia sighed and dismissed the Doctor with a wave of her hoof. Settling back into her thrones cushions, the Princess eyed the many doodles of Douche-Bag she had drawn. She picked one up, staring at the rough drawing of the Stallion. Post-Traumatic-Stress? A damaged body? Douche-Bag certainly had many strange things happening around him. In all her many years of ruling, Celestia had not come across a Stallion so...so Chaotic...Celestia stopped. She knew what she had to do. She didn't like the idea but only one other creature was had experience with chaos on this scale. Celestia pulled out a fresh piece of paper and began to write, scribbling fast and furiously over the parchment. She didn't often request favors from the Prince-of-chaos but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Ponyville

Twilight Sparkle sighed to herself as she sat at her desk in the Ponyville, library. The violet Unicorn had been sitting at the desk for the best part of four hours, staring down at the small, black box sitting atop the small piles of paperwork and quills. She had been staring at the box as the Library had grown dark around her. She'd lit a small candle and settled it beside her on the desk, all the while, staring at the box. It was hard enough for the poor Unicorn. Coming home to find her assistant, the young dragon known as Spike, was still absent from his duties had been a blow to her. But this? What she had done? It wasn't like Twilight to do something this irrational. It had scared her, from the moment she had walked into the shop to the minute she had returned home. Yet...That Stallion....Douche-Bag. She couldn't stop thinking about him. He had been in her thoughts since the day that the two of them had met. Again and again, Twilight would find herself returning to that blue-furred Stallion. His strong body, that calm demeanor and the way he seemed so impenetrable. That cold silence that made him both slightly unapproachable and yet so...so enticing. Twilight sighed to herself, leaning back and allowing her cramped muscles to relax. The Unicorn looked around the circular room, filled with so many books that she loved. Was she making the right decision? It was a big decision she was considering. What if it was the wrong choice...and it ended horribly? The Unicorn sighed and leaned forward again. Her magic clicked open the catch on the box and opened it, revealing a small band of gold, resting upon a soft red cushion.

"Douche-Bag..." Twilight thought, resting her head on her hooves, staring down at the small band of gold she'd bought from the local jewelry shop. "Would you accept me?" she wondered sadly, staring down at the band in the box, feeling a soft blush start to build on her cheeks at the mere thought of asking Douche-Bag...that question. "Maybe you would and maybe you wouldn't..." Twilight thought, idly fiddling with one of her quills. She supposed it was a silly dream of hers. It was probably just a stupid school-filly crush. What would he see in a Mare like her? He was such a cool, handsome Stallion after all... "No." The Unicorn thought, sitting up a little straighter. "C'mon Twilight. You're being stupid. You're acting like a filly on her first date. You can do this. It's just a simple question...it's not like he's going to say no...he can't even talk." She grinned softly at the thought of the silent Stallion. "Douche-Bag would accept...he's an intelligent stallion...you're an intelligent Mare...it'll be fine." The Unicorn smiled to herself and picked up the box. The Unicorn had made up her mind. Twilight Sparkle smiled to herself as she made her way up the stairs to her bedroom and placed the small box on her bedside table. She had decided. She'd go find Douche-Bag tomorrow. She'd pop the question to him tomorrow. Twilight smiled warmly as she settled into bed and closed her eyes. "Douche-Bag..." she whispered to herself as she fell into a dreamy sleep.

"Something's definitely wrong." said the voice. Jay's eyes opened. The man sat up, feeling the cold fabric of his suit pressing against his muscled form. He blinked his eyes open, taking in the cold, gun-metal gray room. It was a circular room, each wall lined with shelves with each shelf lined with everything a successful government agent needed. Several guns, grenades, ammo clips and surprisingly, a set of half-a-meter long samurai swords. Jay pushed his foot against the table he had been laying against, spinning his chair around to face the other man, who had just stepped through the door. He was dressed like Jay in a black blazer, with white shirt and black trousers. The new arrival had dark skin and blue eyes covered by a pair of dark shades. Zyon sighed, adjusting his shades as he wandered over and sat down opposite Jay. "You know who's behind this don't you Jay." The other man sighed in annoyance, leaning back in his chair. "Jay, Kara is a killer! You should fuckin' know better than anybody that she's not gonna stop cause that twat kid Dragon-Born got in the way." The pale skinned man tilted his head back, staring up at the featureless ceiling. "What will you do Jay?" Zyon pressed, his eyes narrowing behind his sunglasses. "Douche-Bag will be destroyed if Kara finds what she's lookin' for! You can't just sit there and do nothing!" Jay's head tilted back to look at Zyon. The dark sinned human gave a huff of annoyance, pushing himself out of his chair. "And what happens if Douche-Bag finds out what happened...last time?" Jay stopped, gazing at his partner with narrowed eyes. "That's what I thought." Zyon growled, moving over to the weapons shelves. "c'mon. We'd better get kitted out. We'll have to start the operation soon...and it's not gonna be pretty"