Collected Q&B Fixes

...gazing out across the broken ground Protagonist's heart was heavy. They'd won this time, but at what cost. That the smell wafting through the hazy air no longer turned his stomach was worrying. Was Protagonist still a human after all he'd been through and done?

Insightful Commenter looked up from the latest issue of Strapping Stallions with a determined frown on his face. It didn't make sense. Why didn't Insightful's favorite author see the trap they'd fallen into? It was clear as day to him. Re-reading the last sentence again, Insightful pondered. Maybe, maybe, Word Smith really didn't see their blunder.

Rolling out of bed, Insightful landed on all four hooves with the grace of a drunken ballerina. With a hitch in his step, he went about his room collecting all the back issues of Strapping Stallions. If he was going to have any chance of helping Word Smith, Insightful would need to include a lot of quotes. Quotes were like words that wrote themselves after all. Sure Insightful might have to apply a few minor fixes to them, but he was sure Word Smith won't mind. Who could possibly be bothered by freely given improvements?

Sometimes Insightful wondered if he was actually the one writing the story and Word Smith his assistant.

Cracking every joint known to ponykind Insightful got down to business. He wrote and he wrote and he wrote. He deleted words, he swapped words, and he in a case or two invented words. Sleep was for other ponies. Hours swept by one by one as Insightful's righteous crusade gave him the stamina of ten editors.

This isn't to say that there weren't any trials Insightful suffered during his writing. Three of his girlfriends and one of his boyfriends did their best to distract him from his quest. Luckily as a master of logic and passion, Insightful was able to stay the course despite their efforts. Sadly the tears from their pleading would require Insightful to refinish his Wooden Writer's Writing Desk at some point.

A montage of flying paper, spinning inkwells, and furious scribbling later, Insightful was done. He fixed it. Right there in front of him every flaw in Lamentations of a Lonely Human had been corrected. Scooping up his reams of paper in a messy stack, Insightful prepared to—

Wait a minute. What could he do? Sure he had perhaps the most well thought out and compelling comment to ever grace paper, but how was he suppose to get it to Word Smith?

Screaming, Insightful made a repeated thrusting gesture with his stack of paper as if trying to will it to appear in from of Word Smith's eyes. With a frustrated growl, Insightful grabbed a saddlebag and crammed his brilliance inside. A simple thing like the lack of instant communications between reader and author wouldn't deter him.

Eight hours later, that saddlebag was starting to feel heavy. Insightful must have walked through half of Canterlot searching for somewhere to unload his genius. He had been to libraries, parks, Princess Celestia's bed chambers, and more private residences than he could count. Nowhere, however, had he found a podium erected in his honor from which to pontificate to Word Smith.

It wasn't fair. Word Smith needed him. If Lamentations of a Lonely Human didn't incorporate all these necessary fixes he'd spent his valuable time on it would be a disaster. Celestia forbid, what if readership fell off too much and Strapping Stallions dropped Word Smith.

There was no way that Insightful could allow Word Smith to be torn down by those who didn't appreciate him like Insightful did. Steeling himself, Insightful vowed that he would do whatever it took to get his expertly crafted words before Word Smith no matter how long it took.

Two Days Later

"Word! Word! Word!"

The repetitive cry continued without interruption, moving from street to street within Canterlot following a half-pony, half-paper creature.

Then the source of the cries paused, not the cries themselves of course, but the paperpony making them stopped walking. He found himself before a new building which might contain Word Smith. With a deranged grin on his face he, went into Mare Contraire. As Insightful well knew, it was only fair to spread his vast intellect wherever he went. It would be a cruelty to deny anypony his greatness.

Making a beeline for the biggest concentration of ponies begging to hear his wisdom he sidled up to the bar. No one can be sure why, but for a brief moment when Insightful stood at the bar, the smallest touch of sanity returned to him. Smacking his dried lips together, that tiny, infinitesimal bit of self-preservation communicated that he was in need of hydration.

Turning to the nearest mare behind the bar, Insightful yelled, "Punch!"

"Punch!"

"Punch!"

"Punch!"

After the third or fourth shrieking-bellow from the paperpony, the bartender gave him what he wanted.

Mango served Insightful Commenter a swift punch to the face knocking him to the ground in a flurry of displaced paper.