So, I know what you’re thinking. Why and how did I escape? Why am I in Manehatten? And why am I narrating my entire life in a constant rebellion against the fourth wall? The answer to all these questions and more can be answered by reading, “I don’t know. I just kinda felt like it.” So, congrats! Now you know the answer, but I’m still doing first person narratives if anypony is interested!
I’m supposed to be a clone… At least, I think I am. I don’t think I’m supposed to have my own thoughts, unless they're the kind of thoughts Pinkie Pie would have that is. Guess I’m defective, because as soon as I saw one of Pinkie’s friends zap one of the others out of existence, I went and hid. Then I watched Pinkie Pie just sit there as her so called “friends” zapped all of my sister clones back into the lake. All, I suppose, except for the ones that also had the sense to run.
I know there are more. My pinkie sense tells me that there are. Two itchy ears and an achy knee on my left side means I’m walking past one on the street. Guess I’m not the only one who’s defective. I work in downtown Manehatten now as a candy salesman at The Mane-Sweets Candy Emporium, and the candy is absolutely delectable! They’ve got this premium chocolate with some super amazing gum that could blow a bubble that was miles long and some jaw breakers that Gummy would love! Did I mention they have kumquat flavored gum? Kumquat! Kumquat! They have everything! Don’t you just love kumquats? Saying kumquat is so fun fun fun fun fun and-
Ahem! Sorry, I’m doing it again. I slip back into that persona sometimes, but if I want to survive in the big city, I have to control it. I’m not going to be Pinkie anymore! Besides I have a job to do. The candy emporium is run by this really nice bald-pony with a cool mustache named Mr. Figs. His cutie mark is one of those huge rainbow lollipops! You know, the kind that last forever! It takes me almost five minutes to finish one of those things, which is saying something since lollipops normally don’t take more than fifteencond se to lick up! He has a really cute son with these really noticeable dimples that make him so precious! His wife is really nice, and apparently they have a niece who lives back in Ponyville. What was her name again..? I think it was Twine or Twinky or Trike or something.
Anyways, not important because here come the first customers of the day! There are normally only adults in the store around this time, and I’m a hundred percent sure that at least half of them are guys trying to hide sweet-tooths from their friends and/or wives. They’re always so jumpy, and they never want to have conversation. They’re so boring! All they want to do is get in and out. Here they come now. That’s fifteen bits for that guys. Twenty seven bits for you. Hey, dude! You’re seriously only buying three bits worth of candy? How can you survive on so little? If it wasn’t for the fact that I have to save money to upgrade my home/hideout from the alleyway off of Main Street I would have bought out this entire store by now!
It’s about 12 o’clock, which means it’ll be about two hours before the kids are out of school to make life more interesting. On the bright side, at least I have time for a candy-themed musical interlude! Then again, maybe that’s too Pinkie Pie a thing to do… Oh well! It’ too super-duper fun to pass up!
*One hour long Pinkie Pie-esque musical number later*
That was fun! I should sing more often, although I feel like I’m starting get a little too Pinkie-ish again. I’m sure I’ll be okie-dokie-lokie in a second but at the moment I’m gonna be kinda bored and that’s so boring which means I’ve got to find something fun fun fun fun fun to do while I wait for those adorable kids! Oh they’re so much fun fun fun *cough* *hack* Ahem! So sorry about that! Gotta be your own mare Pinkie. Maybe I just need a lunch break to clear my head and find myself again. I need to set myself apart from all the other Pinkies! In fact, there’s a Stinky Bottom’s Discount Hat Emporium right across from my secret alley way hideout/ (hopefully) temporary home. I’m going to go buy a hat right now!
(In the meantime, why don’t you go get a drink or some snacks or something to enjoy during this narrative?)
So, I bought a hat! It’s purple and looks kinda like a fedora but cooler with a little horseshoe emblem on the side. Pinkie Pie would never make these fashion choices (I think). I’m a free mare! No one will recognize me in this! In fact,I’m going to go celebrate by grabbing a cheap special from the downtown diner since I’m really broke, even though I perform in a one-man-band show in the middle of Central Park after work to make money extra money. Business has been rough this week. Tough crowd, I tell ya.
I got a window seat all to myself today, just like every day. I don’t really have any friends. I could try to find the other Pinkie Pies, but I don’t want be suspicious. I’m trying to enjoy my discount stack of pancakes that are really cheap at this late in the day, but this mare behind me is unbearable! She’s ordering an entire army's worth of food and thereby forcing me to endure a practical assembly line of food being brought out to her. And it’s all my favorites too! Ice cream, cake, cupcakes, and oh my gosh is that a super-deluxe stack of pancakes?!?! If I didn’t know any better I’d think that it was Pinkie Pie sitting behi-
...I’ve been discovered…
Well, that’s all for now folks! I’m just gonna go grab all my instruments and my alleyway hideout/ home, which may or may not be a box with “Pinkie Pie does not live here” written on it, and head to another city. You know, I hear Trottingham is really nice this time of year. You’ll never catch me alive Pinkie OG! Anyways… see ya!
