It's not a contest, Rainbow

by TheWraithWriter

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Drama, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity
Length: 1424

Rainbow Dash and Twilight exchange words. Yes, like that.

Rainbow Dash and Twilight exchange words. Yes, like that.

Rated mature for swearing.

Published 2016-05-27 17:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-27 17:10:02 UTC

But if it was...

“Slut,”

Spitfire’s voice tickled Rainbow Dash’s ear as the fiery mare whispered her nickname. Rainbow couldn’t help but chuckle as Spitfire pulled away.

“Woah, that’s so much worse than Crash,”

Spitfire smirked. “Right?” the Wonderbolt captain suddenly reached out and pulled Rainbow close, dropping her voice to a huskier tone. “Now why don’t you guess how I got it.”

The normally blue Rainbow turned a fetching shade of pink. Oh my gosh! She can’t mean- she does! Somepony’s getting tongue.

Spitfire puckered up and Rainbow leaned, their lips meeting in-

A sound not unlike a frog being smashed with a mallet quite rudely pulled Rainbow Dash from her slumber. The pegasus leapt out of bed, sending her sheets flying.

“Who, what, where!” Rainbow babbled as she jumped from one alert pose to the next, scanning the room.

Another frog was smashed and the sound brought Rainbow down from her fight instinct. The pegasus’s body relaxed and an annoyed expression settled on her face.

“Always when I’m sleeping,” she grumbled as she trotted out of her room and down the hall towards the stairs. “It’s worse than that alarm clock.”

She was halfway down the stairs when yet a third froggie was brutally murdered, along with her ears.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” she shouted, spreading her wings and flying the rest of the way to her front door. Under any other circumstances she would have let whoever was there wait, but her poor ears just couldn’t take it.

“Whadda ya want?” she demanded as she opened the door.

Twilight Sparkle stood on her doorstep, making a face Rarity would be proud of.

“Rainbow Dash, is that anyway to answer your door?”

“It is when somepony wake me up,” Dash said through clenched teeth.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “It’s two in the afternoon.”

“A mare can’t sleep in?”

Twilight made that face again. “It’s two in the afternoon,” she repeated. “Did your alarm clock not go off?”

“Clocks have problems going off after you hit them with hammers. Something to think about.” With that, Rainbow tried to close her door, only to have Twilight very rudely force it to stay open.

“You smashed your alarm clock? But I got you that,” Twilight seemed to be most offended now.

“And you threw out that book I gave you, so we’re even,” Again, Rainbow tried to close the door.

And again, Twilight insisted it remained open.

“First off, that wasn’t a book. That was a folder filled with photos of you. Photos you made very clear I was supposed to masturbate to.” The alicorn preemptively shoved to door open just as Rainbow made another go at closing it. “And secondly, you haven’t even heard what I wanted to say to you in the first place.”

Rainbow Dash made a production of sighing. She grumpily stepped aside and gestured for Twilight to come inside. Twilight ‘humphed’ and trotted inside, barely pulling her tail in with her before Rainbow slammed to door closed.

“I’d ask for a drink,” Twilight said as she trotted over to the living room couch, “But-”

“But I drank them all?” Rainbow said, making her way over to an armchair opposite the couch and sitting down. “Because I have a drinking problem, right?”

“I was going to say I wouldn’t be here that long. But twist my words however you like, Rainbow Dash.” Twilight kept up something that could have been mistaken for a snarl before she visibly sagged and sat down. “Do we always have to do this now?”

Rainbow scoffed, “Why don’t-”

“I ask Starlight’s cunt?” Twilight finished wearily. “Since I seem to be so stuck up it all the time?”

Rainbow’s posture became noticeably less aggressive. “Said that one before?”

Twilight nodded. “Several times. Verbatim. Makes be wonder about your creativity.”

Rainbow sighed again, much more wearily, and sank down into the chair. “So, other than ruining my sleep, why’d ya come by?”

Twilight cleared her throat. “I came by to make peace.”

“Peace?”

Twilight nodded. “We can’t keep going on like this. I understand you’re upset Rainbow, but I thought our arrangement was the same as it ever was.”

“The one where we fuck each other on the weekends and whoever else we want the rest of the time?”

“That’s the one,” Twilight went quiet for a time, staring down at her hooves. She didn’t look up when she said “If you wanted more, why didn’t you say something?”

Rainbow chewed on her words before speaking. “I didn’t know I wanted that until…”’

“Until you saw us? Until you-”

“Threw a storm cloud through your window?” Rainbow finished. She winced and held her head in her hooves. “It was supposed to be fun, you and me.”

Twilight looked up. “It was. And it can be again.”

Rainbow scoffed, head still in hooves. “Yeah, I’m sure Starlight would be fine with that.”

“Starlight will have to be fine with it,” A brief, impish look flashed across Twilight’s face. “Starlight can be it, if you want.”

“Tell her I give awesome horn jobs?” Rainbow said flatly, looking up.

“As a matter of fact, yes,” Twilight sighed. “I just want things to be normal again, Rainbow.”

“You think I don’t?” Rainbow replied. “You think I’m happy I… reacted the way I did?”

“You think I’m proud of the way I handled it?” Twilight countered. “I said things I shouldn’t have.”

“So did I,”

“I threw out your very thoughtful self masturbatory photo album,”

“And I smashed your thoughtful, but stupid fucking alarm clock,”

The corners of Twilight’s mouth twitched. “It was a stupid gift,”

“Mine was worse,” Rainbow said with a bit of enthusiasm.

“It’s not a contest, Rainbow.” Twilight smirked a little. “But… if it was…”

“I would win,” Rainbow said, completing the phrase. She smirked. “So… we haven’t started screaming at each other yet.”

“Neighbors haven’t called the police yet,”

“I guess that means we don’t hate each other anymore?”

Twilight scoffed. “Wrong. I still hate you Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow kept on smirking. “And I still hate you, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight gave her a genuine smile. “You set my house on fire, you crazy cunt.”

“And then you set me on fire,” Rainbow giggled. “And don’t say cunt. You don’t say it right.”

Twilight giggled. “Well, how am I supposed to say it?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I dunno. Not the way you say it.”

The giggles of the two mare quickly tapered off and the room was quite quiet for a time. Rainbow slouched down in her chair and Twilight rustled her wings, each waiting for the other to speak.

“…So,” Rainbow said, finally breaking the silence. “Are we… still friends?”

“I don’t think there is a word for what we are. But, friends might be the most appropriate.” Twilight seemed to chew on her next sentence before spitting it out. “Do you, still want us to be…?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I’m not sure if I wanted us to be in the first place. The Doc says I might have possession issues.”

Twilight tilted her head. “Doc as in doctor? As in-”

Rainbow let out an annoyed sigh. “Yes, as in I went to a head doc. After the regular doc. For the burns.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Right. But, you actually went and talked to an actual psychiatrist?”

“With degrees and everything. Spitfire insisted.”

Twilight just nodded at that. “So, we are good then?

“Almost,” Rainbow got out of her chair and stretched her wings. “I can’t go back to sleep now so I’m going to go do something productive.” She began trotting towards the door.

Twilight followed her, puzzled. “So, what are you going to do, exactly?”

“Get even with you,” Rainbow said, matter-of-factly.

“Get even how?” Twilight asked as she followed Rainbow out the door.

“Well,” Rainbow said, drawing out the word as she locked her door. “We’re even on the fire and the shouting and the shitty gifts.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “But…?”

“But you fucked Starlight. So, now I have to fuck Starlight.” Rainbow grinned evilly. “And I am going to fuck the shit out of Starlight.”

Twilight just smirked at that. “She’ll certainly enjoy it. Mind if I watch?”

“As long as you don’t try to give me pointers on my technique.” Rainbow said, making a masturbatory gesture before launching herself into the air.

Rainbow Dash sped off towards Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle close on her hooves.

Author's Note

I started this fic trying to write SpitDash. I don't know what happened.