Bloody Debauchery and Other Gentle Pastimes

Introducing Avalon Sky

The sun was floating just over the horizon, a few streaks of orange and gold beginning to form in the sky. The heat of the day was beginning to die down now and the sand was once again fit for walking on without pain. But that was no issue for the orange pegasus flying in from the east. It was a stallion with an orange coat that made him blend in with the evening sunset. His cutiemark was a yellow star with blue streaks behind it. He had blue hair and light green eyes that scanned the desert floor, spotting the tiny wooden buildings of the town. He circled the small town several times before stretching his wings as wide as he could and glided down with ease. His hooves touched the sand with a gentle crunch and immediately he started trotting towards the saloon. He had a one sided saddle bag that was near to bursting with apples and oranges. His feathers were glossy and perfectly preened, shaking as he walked. He wore a confident smirk on his muzzle which his eyes complimented with their own glint of confidence. He gathered the spit in his mouth and spat it out on the wooden porch of the saloon before pushing the swinging doors open dramatically.

“It is I, Avalon Sky! World famous globetrotter and the best flyer this side of Equestria!” The orange stallion announced, striking a pose with his nose up. Apparently, when he wasn’t greeted with applause and praise from his fans he lowered his nose and gulped at the unamused, angry, and deadpanned expressions littered throughout the saloon.

“Congratulations! Now shud’up.” Sarsaparilla Soft said sarcastically with half-lidded eyes. Avalon physically recoiled at her reaction, gasping as the blue mare turned back to her game of cards with a plum colored mare.

“W-what!? Don’t you know who I am?” Avalon asked in astonishment.

“No son, we don’t.” A grey stallion said from the steps of the saloon, cleaning his revolver. He had a silver star pinned to a holster on his rear left leg that read, “Sheriff.” Avalon turned to his left to see a white mare lounging in a seat, her rear legs up on the table while her hat covered her face.

“What about you? Do you know who I am?” He asked, leaning forward in Lilia’s direction. There was a long pause before snickering started to echo around the room, all three ponies looking at him with scrunched noses and tight lips.

“She’s asleep. But go on, ask again, I’m sure we’ll know who ya are the third time?” Sarsaparilla said over her shoulder before slamming down her cards with a loud clop. “Ha Ha! Knight me!” She declared, jumping out of her seat with a huge grin.

“Over here. In Equestria. We say. king. Me...and we’re playing go fish not checkers.” Plum Peach said very slowly as one would talk to a foal, a smirk creeping on the edge of her muzzle.

“Oh hush, ah knew that.” Sarsaparilla said, sitting down heavily in her chair with pink cheeks. All the while Avalon gave them a dumbfounded look.

“Come on! At least one of you must know me!” The pegasus whined, stamping his hoof against the floor.

“Oh yeah! I know you.” Plum said simply, more focused on her intense game of go fish.

“You do?”

“Uh-huh. Except-” The mare cocked her head to the side, “I thought you were pink with a blue mane...and a mare.” She said, looking Avalon up and down. The orange pegasus ground his teeth together, shooting a glare at Plum.

“No. I am not Firefly.” Avalon growled. He let out a sigh and looked down at the floor in defeat. The doors behind him swung open as a blue stallion walked in.

"Oh! I know her! She's that sexy mare-ma-jama that led the royal forces. Ah saw pictures of'er." Sarsaparilla said, nodding at Plum.

"Oh what I wouldn't give to be her. Stallions flaunting for you, royal maids, and she even gets to marry a royal stallion if she wants!" Plum gushed, looking into the forever distance behind Soft in fantasy. All the while Avalon stared at them, mouth open in amazement. How could none of them know him yet they knew Firefly.

“Who’s this fella?” Backsaw asked, pointing a hoof at Avalon as he came in through the swinging doors.

“That there, is the world famous Avalon Sky.” The sheriff said in mockery.

“You mean THE Avalon Sky!?” Backsaw yipped like a schoolgirl, going wide eyed at the pegasus.

“Yes! You know me!?” Avalon exclaimed, whipping around and looking at the stallion with happy hopeful eyes.

“Ha! Nope.” Backsaw said, his excitement vanishing as he trotted over to the table where Sarsaparilla and Plum were playing. Avalon deflated and grumbled something under his breath with frown.

“Boo hoo. Buy’a drink an’ relax flyboy.” Sarsaparilla said, pointing to the stocked bar.

“I don’t have any bits.” Avalon grumbled, slumping down into a chair. As soon as he did, it broke, sending him and all his food to the floor. The room was silent for several long moments until Plum burst out laughing. The sheriff followed suit soon after, slapping his knee with a hoof. Sarsaparilla Soft looked at the two with a raised eyebrow.

“What’s funny ‘bout that? Now ah gotta fix a chair!” She said, waving her leg at the mess of wood and orange fur beside the table. Plum kept on laughing.

“It’s not...the table.-” Plum grabbed Soft’s chin and made her look at the floor. “- our famous globetrotter carries a stuffed animal with him!” Plum exclaimed, pointing at a tiny stuffed toy sitting among the fruit and laughing. The pegasus in question grew red cheeked and hurriedly picked himself off the floor and rapidly began to put all his stuff back in his bag.

“Uh. Plum. That ain’t a stuffed animal, that’s a sex doll..” Soft said in a neutral tone. Plum and the Sheriff both stopped laughing in unison.

“Oh.”