Bloody Debauchery and Other Gentle Pastimes

Lucky Lilia yawned loudly, putting her hoof up to her mouth. She smacked her lips a couple of times and rubbed the crud out of her eyes. She scanned the room and found every in the same spot they had fallen asleep in. Plum was curled up under the table with cards on it, a knit blanket wrapped tightly around her form, she snored softly with a whistle escaping her lips every now and again. Avalon was sprawled out on the floor behind the bar, the only sign of him being there was his tail sticking out. Backsaw was laying on his side next to the piano mumbling incoherent words in his sleep. Locket was leaning against the stairwell door in a sitting position with his hat covering his eyes. Velvet was asleep on top of one of the clear tables in a sphinx position with her head resting on her hooves and a content smile on her muzzle. The sheriff had gone to sleep at the police station, saying something about how the prison cots were more comfortable than the floor. Lastly, Sarsaparilla had retired to her own bed upstairs before the storm hit.

Sunlight shined in through the windows illuminating the saloon in brilliant yellow light. They had all slept in a little. There was a dust pile beside the entrance and other than that the saloon was unharmed, the changelings must have just flown over them Lilia guessed. She pulled herself off the floor and stretched, throwing her butt into air with a soft grunt before rocking forward and stretching her forelegs. She looked around cautiously to see if anyone had peeked her little show but nopony had moved from their positions. She was a little disappointed at the lack of peeping toms and let of an annoyed ‘hmph.’ She adjusted her hat and took a step toward her cape and gun before being stopped in her tracks when a sharp pain shot up her back leg.

“Yee-ow!” Lilia yowled, throwing her head up in pain and stiffened, pinching her eyes shut. When the pain didn’t ebb away she dropped her head and whimpered, twining her forelegs. She looked around the room desperately for someone to help her. She looked at Backsaw, Plum, Velvet, and Avalon to no avail, none of them had even moved when she screamed. With him being her last hope Lilia looked over to Locket to luckily see his blue eyes looking right back at her.

“Mister. Come help...please.” Lilia begged, pinching her eyes shut when pain shot through her body again. Locket got to his hooves and walked over to Lilia, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“What’s going on?” He asked drowsily, blinking his eyes.

“My rear leg hurts! Mister.” Lilia said, looking back at her rump with large pupils, her veins bright red. Locket followed her gaze and trotted around to her rear.

“Oh, here’s the problem.” He said in surprise. “Raise your hind legs.” He instructed, reaching toward the hock of her leg. Lilia did as told and straightened her legs.

“Now, what’s the prob-ah!” She was cut off when Locket leaned forward and pulled a woodchip out of her leg. “Ahhh! Oh that feels so much better.” Lilia said, lowering her rump.
“Hey mister, there any more back there, that felt kind good...mister?” Lilia asked, with blushing cheeks. When she got no answer, she looked back to see Locket staring at her rump in a trance. At first she glared at him but it faded just as soon as it appeared to be replaced with a playful smirk.

“Oh you like that?” She asked with a giggle, wiggling her butt. Her tail swished over Locket’s nose and knocked him out of his trance. He blinked in shock as he realized what he had done.

“I’m so sor-” Locket tried to apologize and took a step back but Lilia took a step back as well.

“No. Don’t run mister.” Lilia said, giggling and shaking her rump. Locket took another step back and Lilia pursued him, shoving herself onto his muzzle. “You like that? You like it?” She teased, rubbing herself on Locket’s muzzle with a gleeful giggle. She bit her lip and shoved herself backwards, knocking Locket onto his butt. Lilia looked under her legs and grinned at him sitting there. He had a shocked expression with confusion swirling in his eyes.

“That’s a cute look on you mister.” Lilia said, still giggling.

“Wait. You like getting woodchips pulled out?” Locket asked, looking around in bewilderment. No one else had moved and the only thing that hadn’t changed was that Plum stopped whistling in her sleep.

“I like when you do it. The pain feels good.” Lilia said, her eyes flashing with thrill. Locket smiled and pulled another chip out of her rump. Lilia yelped and sat down in his lap with lidded eyes.

“Anymore?” She asked, hoping there were. She deflated a little when Locket shook his head. With a satisfied grin, she leaned back on him and put her head next to his and closed her eyes. He looked at her with eyes bigger than the moon.

“I could have swore you’d shoot me. I thought you hated stallions.” He said in amazement.

“I do. But you’re a mustang. I like mustangs.” Lilia said without opening her eyes.

“Ain’t they the same thing?” A familiar trottingham voice said from the steps. Lilia and Locket froze, whipping around to see Sarsaparilla looking at them from the top of the steps. She had an amused smirk on her muzzle and was no longer wearing her yellow dress. She laughed at their reaction and started her way down the stairs.

“You two have a nice morning? Makes sense the merc like pain.” She asked rhetorically. Lilia and Locket jumped to their hooves and backed away from each other in a flash, both of them with a pink hue on their cheeks. Locket rubbed his hooves while Lilia refused to make eye contact. Sarsaparilla laughed even louder.

“Secret’s safe with me loverboy.” She said, looking around the room at the other sleeping ponies. Silence fell upon the room while Locket and Lilia stole glances at each other like two school foals. Sarsaparilla rolled her eyes and walked over to the door imbedded in the side of the staircase. She opened it and vanished into the cellar, leaving the two alone once again.

…

Everyone else woke up about a half hour later. Lilia and Locket were chatting at the bar counter while yawns erupted throughout the saloon. Velvet was stretching and rubbing her eyes when her mouth dropped open in a gasp and stayed open.

“Oh my celestia. I guess they didn’t just pass over us.” She said barely louder than a whisper. Her eyes were locked on the window, her hooves trembling slightly. Locket looked back at her with a twisted expression.

“What do you mean?” He asked, walking over to her and following her gaze out the window. It looked perfectly fine until you looked past the city limits. A few hundred yards away was a huge wall of dust. A glance out a different window would confirm that the wall extended all the way around the town.

“What the...” Locket faded off, rushing out the swinging door and skidding to a stop in the sand, tossing some into the air. He spun in a circle twice as he looked around at the wall of dust surrounding the town. Velvet and Lilia both ran out and stopped beside him.

“What’s that mean?” Velvet asked, pointing at the dust wall. Locket looked over at her, thought, and then shrugged.

“I...I don’t know. Changelings are attracted large bodies of emotion, there’s no reason for them to stop here. None at all. No smart or dumb queen would park their hive here out in the open for what, eight ponies? Not when the two sisters are hunting for them.” Locket said, stomping his hoof in frustration. Velvet looked at him with dread until he got to his last sentece.

“The two sisters? They’re hunting changelings, as in, royal guards will come?” She asked, a sparkle of hope glimmering in her eye.

“Yeah, but it’ll be more than a week before any get here, and that’s IF a scout sees this and he probably won’t because this makes no sense.” Locket said, rubbing the back of his head. Velvet looked away in thought, her spark of hope extinguished.

“What if this really is the stupidest queen ever?” Lilia suggested with a shrug.

“A changeling queen is never stupid. It’s an occupational prerequisite to be smart.” Locket said, still thinking of any reason they’d be surrounded, Velvet nodded but Lilia furrowed her brows, the words he used outside of her vocabulary. Yet again, he came up blank.

“They can’t be tired, can’t be feeding, there’s no love here at all. Heck, there’s no sadness either. Those are the two main emotions hives feed off of, hives haven’t fed off anything else for decades!” Locket ranted to himself. He literally pulled from his thoughts when Velvet tugged on him.

“Yeah, Lock, that’s great and all but umm...they’re coming.” Velvet said, pointing out towards the group of black pony-like silhouettes walking towards them. Locket, Velvet, and Lilia shared a look of fear before running back to saloon, kicking up sand in their wakes. They stormed through the swinging doors and ran right into Sarsaparilla.

"What's wrong with y'all! Come in'er like y'all's tails on fire!" Sarsaparilla growled angrily, dusting herself off and standing up with an expectant look on her face. "Gone spit it out!"

"Changelings!" All three of them yelled in unison.

"Changelings?" Avalon asked, his pupils shrinking to pin pricks.

"Yes, changelings! Headed this way! Right. Now." Lilia exclaimed, running over to her rifle and slipping into her holster. This spurred everyone into action. Velvet reached down and checked to make sure her revolvers were filled. Sarsaparilla rushed up the stairs and came back down with her shotgun slung over her back. Locket opened his shotgun and made sure it was loaded. Plum and Avalon just looked around at the ponies with guns, kneading the ground and looking around awkwardly.

"Oh great. I forgot you two don't have any guns." Sarsaparilla groaned, looking at Plum and Avalon in annoyance.

"Well sorry. I always thought I could just, ya know, fly away." Avalon defended with the shrug of his wings.

"And I never knew how to shoot." Plum said in her own defense.

"Ah don't care why!... Plum, here!" Sarsaparilla said, tossing her shotgun over to Plum. She managed to catch it and hastily slung it over her shoulder.

"Sarsaparilla. Can you shoot a pistol?" Locket asked, pulling his revolver from it's holster on his leg.

"Ha. Can a tumbleweed fly?" She said confidently. Her statement drew confused looks from everyone in the room. Locket searched her body language for a hint at whatever she said meant.

"I-I-I don't know. Can it?" He asked, showing her pistol. Sarsaparilla rolled her eyes and took the pistol from him.

"Yes. a tumbleweed can fly." She said, spinning the ammo cartridge, her ear flicking at the satisfying spinning sound it gave out.

"Wait! I don't have a gun! Why does plum and Sarsaparilla get a gun?" Avalon whined, pointing to Plum who in particular was struggling to pump the shotgun.

"Is it cause she's a mare?" Velvet challenged, giving Avalon a cold stare.

"N-no. I just-" Avalon stopped talking when Velvet shoved a revolver his way.

"Quit your whining! And don't you dare waste my shots, they're expensive." She said, holding her stare for a few more seconds before turning away and looking to everyone in the room.

"O-kay! Is a gun in everyone's possession?" Backsaw asked, looking around the room. Locket, Velvet, Sarsaparilla, and Avalon all nodded, but Plum cocked her head and raised her hoof in a 'why' gesture.

"You do know that just because you word something differently doesn't make you sound smart right?" She asked in deadpan.

"Shut-up!" Backsaw yelled back at her.

"Both of you shut-up! Now let's go!" Lilia screamed angrily, rushing out the doors of the saloon. Everyone exchanged a look of surprise before running out after her. Sand flew into the air as all seven of them came to a grinding halt in the sand. The changelings that were once hundreds of yards away were now stepping onto the sandy avenue of the town. At first they were looking around curiously, one of them poking the other and pointing at the inn before noticing the group of ponies now had guns. It was a perfect seven on seven battle. Lilia and Locket both threw themselves onto the ground , using it as a rest for their guns. Plum looked down at them and jumped in realization. Quickly, she threw herself into the sand and pointed the barrel of her shotgun towards the black creatures, moving around to get comfortable in her prone position . Avalon started to do the same but was pulled back up by Backsaw.

"Pistols, stay on their hooves." Backsaw instructed, pulling the hammer of his pistol back with is mouth. Avalon, Velvet, and Sarsaparilla all copied him and pointed their guns downrange at the changelings. Said changelings were all in ready position, primed to charge at them.

"Listen up! We don't want to spill any blood today! Turn around right now and no one will get hurt!" Locket called out to the creatures. There was a long silence between the two of them that dragged on for what felt like an eternity. Just before the silence became unbearable, one changeling yelled a single order and they all charged towards them, fangs bared. Sand kicked up behind them as the stormed towards the band of ponies but none of them fired. Plum looked over at Lilia nervously, but the white mare just looked down the sights of her gun. Avalon, Velvet, and Plum all grew more nervous as time dragged on, waiting for the other four to fire. The changelings sprinted closer and closer yet not a single bullet flew.

"L-lilia? You know what you're doing, r-right?" Plum asked the mare beside her, her eyes consumed with fear. Lilia smirked, but didn't look away from her gun.

"Oh please. This, is what I do." She said, her words absolutely dripping with confidence. Plum nodded shakily and looked back down her sights. Time slowed and her eyes dilated and she prepared to pull the trigger. The changelings feet thrummed against the ground like a violent drum beat as the distance between them shrunk faster and faster. First fifty feet, then thirty, then forty, then thirty. Plum's heart banged in her chest until finally Lilia screamed,

"NOW!"