The Narrator Finds Twilight

by Stratocaster

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Thriller, Drama, Original Character, Mystery, Spike, Comedy, Adventure, Discord, Main 6
Length: 20559

Twilight goes missing and it's up to the omnipotent Narrator and her friends to save her!

Twilight has developed her relationship with Mr. Narrator, now with the addition of her friends being able to contact him. But one day, she disappears from sight and the Narrator grows worried as he sets out to track his best friend down. And much to his suspicion, Twilight finds herself in an unfamiliar Equestria controlled by an unknown malevolent being, one equally as powerful as the Narrator! Can Narry and the Elements of Harmony save Twilight from a world of chaos? And will more of his existence and abilities be revealed in the process?

Published 2017-08-10 22:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-01 03:53:10 UTC

Twi-B-Gone

The Narrator Finds Twilight

by Crazy Professor Stratocaster

Chapter 1: Twi-B-Gone

"Citizens of Equestria, friends and family, we are gathered here today to witness the union between these two beloved. Princess Twilight Sparkle, do you take the Narrator to be your husband, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health?"

"I do, Princess."

"And do you, Narrator, take Twilight to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

I certainly do!

"Then by the power invested in me, by the kingdom of Equestria and by the magic of friendship, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss the bride!"

...

"Sooooooooooooo?" asked Pinkie. "What did you think of my fan fiction?!"

Twilight and I get married in the end?! Pinkie, that's insanity! Why would that ever happen? How would we even physically kiss?!

"Well excuse me, Mister Picky Voice!" sassed Pinkie. "If you're gonna poke holes in this then you can just forget the sequel!"

Good! Fan fiction's a waste of time anyway!

"What are you two talking about?" asked Twilight.

"Nothing!"

Nothing!

"Okay, whatever." Twilight said as she entered the map room of Friendship Castle. "Pinkie, I really wish you wouldn't monkey around in this castle. That table is fragile. It's made of crystal after all."

"Oh come on, Twilight!" replied Pinkie with, springing on her crystal chair. "You don't think a big magic-y castle can withstand little ol' me?" She then face-planted on the floor after slipping on the chair.

Twilight sighed. "Maybe it can, but one thing I can't withstand is germs. We're giving this whole castle a good scrubbing from top to bottom."

"Aw, cleaning? That's no fun!" Pinkie scoffed. "And isn't anypony else here to help?"

"Because I think you need a lesson in good housekeeping." Twilight said. "Plus everypony else was busy. Now why don't you start by sweeping up the front hall?" She then levitated a broom over to her.

"Aha! Luckily I'm a champion at broom skating at Sugarcube Corner!" Pinkie grinned as she mounted the broom. "You won't take my fun away yet, Twilight!" She whooped as she rapidly slid away riding the broom once again defying any physical logic.

Twilight blinked. "That was easy."

Well good luck with cleaning the place, Twilight. Wish I could help but, you know. I guess I'll just go and see what Applejack or Fluttershy are doing.

"Where do you think you're going?"

...Um...where do you think I'm go-

"Don't think you're getting out of cleaning just because you're omnipotent, my dear voice." Twilight glowered. "You're going to start doing a little manual labor around here. Because I know you refuse to just 'narrate' the whole place clean."

Not true! It would just be an abuse of my powers.

"Oh please, that's the excuse you made when I told you to pick up your dirty tissues." She said. "And what the hay do you need tissues for anyway?!"

That's none of your business! And there's nothing you can do to convince me to clean your house!

"...Pweeeeeeeeeease?" she squeaked, her face resembling a big-eyed puppy. "Pwetty pwease, Narry? I'll be weal happy if you help me!"

...mmmmmph...Okay, okay! Darn you for knowing I can't resist cuteness!

"Thank you, Narrator! You can start in the kitchen!" Twilight said smugly and trotted away.

...

Over the next couple of hours, Twilight got underway with her cleaning that was a few months shy of spring. She worked to organize the upstairs while Pinkie continued sweeping, and meanwhile the kitchen began tidying "itself". The dishes in the sink were given a good scrubbing and drying, the food in the pantries were organized and old dirt and grime was scraped up from behind the- oh who am I kidding this is boring! Narrators aren't supposed to dictate common household chores! I'll go crazy if I have to keep up this monotony!

"Stupid bag! It frikin' stinks!" muttered Spike as he dragged a bag of garbage out of the kitchen. "Why am I always the one to do this?!"

Oh that's right, Spike still can't hear me...Heh heh heh heh heh...

"Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick. What the?!"

Suddenly, the brush from the kitchen sink began swooping around Spike's head, causing him to drop the garbage and swat around in fright. The brush even began scrubbing against the little dragon's head, still covered in suds. Spike sputtered as the brush moved all around.

"AAAH! What's going on?!" he exclaimed. "Oh wait a minute! You're Twilight's ghost friend, aren't you?! You think you're so cool just because you make crap float around?!" He shouted at the air, his purple scales looking shinier by the second. "Come down here so you can fight me like a man!"

Spike then began hurling pieces of trash other than himself around the kitchen, hoping he would hit some sort of invisible assailant. But his efforts were in vain as he simply made the whole kitchen messy again. After I've been cleaning it! You want a war, lizard?! I'll give you a war! As Spike threw discarded food, the sink gave off a loud, metal rattle and a torrent of water rushed out of it. The water gushed Spike completely and rinsed off the dish soap from his scales. Several dishes lay shattered on the floor.

"Now I got you!" he shouted, foolishly, and catapulted garbage at the sink.

Then, the upper cabinets sprang open and box after box of oats fired in Spike's direction. Sprinting to avoid the flying food, Spike quickly opened the refrigerator and darted inside. A second later he poked out of the freezer door and proceeded to chuck frozen veggie patties at his unseen foe. A fleet of fruits from the counter retaliated and flew towards him, splattering against the fridge as he hid inside like the coward he is!

At this point, the kitchen had become a battered war zone. Every food group was found smeared against every surface at great velocity. Oat flakes lay strewn about the tiled floor amidst pools of spilled water, milk and juice. And what's more, the stench of the forgotten garbage bags wafted through the hellish battlefield along with the stench of conflict. When would the fighting come to an end?

"Give up now, you crazy ghost!" shouted Spike, holding a carton of eggs and standing atop the fridge. "You can't keep this up for much longer!"

Just then, a discretely stashed box of gemstones levitated over the sink.

"Wait, what are you doing?!"

The box opened as the garbage disposal in the drain whirred to life.

"AAAH! Don't you dare!" Spike panicked and laid down his weapons.

The box tilted ever so slightly as the gems began tumbling inside, ready to take the final plunge.

"I'm warning you!"

A delicious-looking ruby inched toward the edge, awaiting a gruesome demise.

"You monster!!!"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"

The garbage disposal switched off and the box of gems was laid down, as Twilight stood in the doorway of the kitchen. The snarl on her face did not give off the impression that she was happy about the progress of cleaning.

"Twilight! It wasn't my fault!" Spike pleaded like a pansy. "Your narrator guy or whatever started it! He would stop spraying me with water and-"

Honestly, Twilight, I have no idea what this lizard is talking about. Don't believe a word he-

"Enough!" Twilight scolded. "Spike, you pick up every last bit of garbage that you apparently just threw everywhere! And you! What part of 'clean the kitchen' did you think meant turn it into a modern art studio?!"

Um...are you saying it looks good?

Twilight threw a banana peel at the wall out of rage, somehow thinking it would have effect. "How can somepony with omnipotent powers not carry out a simple task?!"

Well, to be fair, Twilight...this is boring.

"Oh excuse me! I'm every so sorry for subjecting you to boredom! How unfair of me!"

I can't help thinking you're speaking sarcastically.

"Just shut up and start over!" Twilight ordered. "You're cleaning this whole kitchen from top to bottom. And with effort!" She started out of the kitchen with a sigh. "I swear, Narrator, where in Equestria would you be without me?"

Is that a rhetorical question?

"Get back to work!"

Yes, ma'am!

"That's what you get, you psycho ghost!" Spike gloated as he exited the kitchen.

Hey! Lizard! Get back here and clean up the trash you threw! Oh wait, he can't hear me. Darn, I really have to do something about pastry carriage glass little frog boil heavy grandfather mountain trouble...Whoa, I just bugged out for a second. That's never happened before. Weird. Oh crap the faucet is still running.

...

At last the kitchen of Friendship Castle was spotless and pristine once again. The remnants of the food war were now history and the room was restored back to its crystal state. And it was all done the hard way, Twilight! I narrated every minute movement of every cleaning item in this kitchen and it only took me three hours! How ya like me now, Princess?! Still think I can't do manual labor?!...Hmm, what the heck is she doing?

Upstairs in the master bedroom, sheets and linens for the cozy furniture were piled on the bed after having been washed thoroughly. But only some of this pile had been neatly folded. What's more, the adjacent bathroom was sparkly clean but was void of any purple ponies. There was no sign of Twilight here even though she had been upstairs all day...Okay wait, something feel right.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

Pinkie suddenly appeared riding a moistened mop over the upstairs hall and into the bedroom. Her unsafe velocity caused her to crash into the newly tidied closet and clothes to rain over her. She lay there in a daze.

"Whoo! Too much wax!" She said, coming down from adrenaline.

Pinkie, did Twilight go anywhere? I didn't sense her leaving.

"What? She wouldn't leave." Pinkie sprang up. "She'll spend all day trying to make sure this place is super squeaky clean! At least she would have told me or Spike. And I would have seen her going out the door. Ooh! Or maybe she flew out a window? I keep forgetting she can fly, usually because she's only okay at it, but really she's-"

Pinkie! Are you sure you didn't see Twilight anywhere?

"Positive!" Pinkie's expression instantly turned from happy to shock. "Wait...she's not here!"

Reeeeeally?

"Twilight! Are you still home?!" She shouted. "Should I assume you're still home if you don't say anything?! If this is a random game of hide-and-seek, you won't last long! I am a master hider seeker and you will escape my hunt!"

Pinkie, this is a big place and I can't see, hear, or sense Twilight here in any way. And if she left the castle I would have known. I can't feel her presence at all.

"What are you saying, Narry?" asked Pinkie.

I'm saying Twilight must have disappeared!

"Oh come on, you invisible worry wart!" scoffed Pinkie. "What, did you forget that Twilight is a master at magic? She probably teleported herself to somewhere else in Ponyville!"

You're sure about that?

"Of course! Twilight bounces around everywhere almost as much as I do!" she replied with a jump. "I'm sure she'll be back soon."

...Well, I hope you're right.

"Jeez, Narrator, I didn't know you'd get so crazy about Twilight being gone." Pinkie teased. "You're like Gummy when I come home from vacation. He has such this worried look on his little face!"

Look I just have a gut feeling, okay?

"Eww! I know that feeling after sprinkled marshmallows." Pinkie said and trotted away. "Hey why don't I show you how to make some yummy ginger cake?! It's good for digestion!"

But I just cleaned the kitchen!

"Great! So now it'll be sanitary for us to bake!" She happily hopped downstairs.

"Did somepony say cake?!" called Spike from below.

Hmmm...maybe she's right. Maybe I am worrying over nothing. After all, Twilight's so busy, there's really no telling what she's up to.

...

"...mmmph...mmm what...what happened? Ugh, wh-where am I? It's completely dark. My head is spinning. What was I doing?...Hello?!...Is anypony here?!...Can you hear me?!"

Hello, Twilight.

"What?! Somepony there?! Where are you?! How do you know my name?!"

Hm hm hm! Wouldn't you like to know?

"Who are you?!"

Your new best friend. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Author's Note

Introducing my long awaited threequel to Twilight and the Narrator! I certainly hope you like the direction I'm taking in this endeavor and that you're ready for a crazy ride! Leave plenty of feedback as I always enjoy hearing from you ~~fools~~ amazing, beautiful ponies! Also for some reason this new format seems to have a bug in the paragraph indent tool so I apologize for that. You'll just have to do with unindented paragraphs like some filthy troglodyte. Enjoy, comrades! :yay:

The Search for Purple Smart

Chapter 2: The Search for Purple Smart

Six of Spades. Jack of Hearts. Three of Clubs. Eight of Diamonds.

"Wow! Right every time!" exclaimed Pinkie as she held up playing cards faced down in the castle living room. "Are you sure you don't have ESP?!"

Pinkie I really don't feel like explaining this to you for the umpteenth time.

"Jeez who soured your grapes?" replied Pinkie. "You're not still worried about Twilight are you?"

Of course I'm still worried! She hasn't shown up all day and I can't feel her presence anywhere.

"So maybe she was called to Canterlot suddenly." Pinkie shrugged as she began building a house of cards. "You know how Princess Celestia likes to keep her on her hooftips."

But something just occurred to me. No matter where Twilight ends up, I always seem to be able to follow her and see what she's doing. Even if she went as far as Neighjing I would still catch up. It doesn't happen automatically, but I just always know her whereabouts. Now...I got nothing. The only explanation is that she somehow disappeared to somewhere out of Equestria. Somewhere like another dimension!

"Ooh! That's it!" Pinkie sprang up, having built a card skyscraper. "Twilight must have gone to the human dimension! That place is crazy fun! Maybe you can find her there?"

Oh yeah, that place. I don't she's told you this, but Twilight quarantined off the portal to the human world.

"Aw! How come?!" Pinkie looked dejected.

Well ever since she started learning about diseases in the human dimension, she suddenly ran out and decided to never go back in because she wasn't vaccinated. A bit of an overreaction I'll admit, but I can't blame her. I don't even want to know what cholera is. Besides, I would have sensed if Twilight went anywhere near that portal. It's as if she...de-manifested. Is that a word?

"I dunno, you're the narrator!" Pinkie said, then clenched her stomach. "Oh! That ginger cake did not live up to its tummy healing properties! Maybe I shouldn't have put in so much condensing flour! Gotta go!" She quickly bolted for the bathroom, collapsing the card monolith on the table in the process.

I guess I gotta be the one to clean that up. Come here, cards...Wait a minute...Am I seeing this right?...There's...No...It can't be.

After a few minutes, Pinkie emerged from the bathroom feeling refreshed. "Phew! That recipe's gonna need some work!"

Pinkie, take a look at this!

She glanced over at the table as two of her cards slid up to her face up. Sure enough, they both featured the same caricature of Princess Luna with the same suite. "What the?!"

That's right, duplicate cards! Do you know what this means?!

"You're accusing me of using a fixed deck?!" glared Pinkie. "How dare you, Narrator! I would never cheat at a game of Old Mare! I didn't come here just to be grilled like this!"

Pinkie, I know you didn't cheat. This is a new deck that I saw you open just hours ago, so there's no way there could be duplicate cards. You may not understand it, but to me this can mean only one thing. What if I told you that a small anomaly like this is a sign of a rift in reality? A glitch if you will. And I think it has something to do with Twilight's appearance!

"...Pfff! Really, Narrator, and I thought you were smart!" scoffed Pinkie. "Some silly filly in the card factory probably just goofed. That doesn't mean reality has been rifted or whatever."

...Well I guess so. Maybe this is just a weird coincidence and- NO! I'm sure I'm on to something! There's been a rift, Twilight's been plucked out of reality, and this is a clue! And I'm going to find more! I won't rest until I...Pinkie...how many balloons are on your cutie mark?

"Huh? Why three, of course!" she said. "Toppy, Middly, and Bottomy! Why do you ask?"

...Because I only see two.

"What?! You kidder, I think I would know my...AAAAAHH!" Pinkie screeched upon craning back to see her flank, only to find two balloons on both sides. "Bottomy! Where are you?! Come to mama!" she shouted as she darted her head around. "Who took my balloon?! You monster! Come out so I can kick your sorry rump!"

Pinkie, this is exactly what I'm talking about! Tiny impossible changes in reality are appearing which can only lead to some kind of existential glitch.

"But what could have caused this glitchy thing?!" asked Pinkie.

I think I have an idea of who caused it. This looks like something Princess Celestia might be able to help with. Pinkie, I need you to come to Canterlot so you can talk to her for me. I don't think she is aware of my existence yet.

"You got it!" she replied. "Anything to get my poor Bottomy back!" She ran towards the door only to immediately trip and fall. "Oh my gosh!" she gasped. "This bucket wasn't always here! It's another glitch!"

No Pinkie, you just left that there.

"How do you know?!" she exclaimed. "How do I know that you know?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S REAL ANYMORE!!!" Pinkie then proceeded, in a deranged state, to dunk her head in said bucket which was still filled with mop water.

...Maybe I'll just go ask Fluttershy.

......

Meanwhile at her cottage just outside Everfree Forest, Fluttershy was busying herself in the front garden feeding sunflower seeds to a local gathering of finches. The little birds swarmed and perched all around the druid-like pegasus, even sitting in her long blue mane as they chirped and- wait a minute what the hell?!

"Eeep!" shrieked Fluttershy. "Oh, Narrator! I didn't hear you appear. Is something wrong?"

Uh, Fluttershy? Has your mane always been that shade of blue?

"...You don't like it?" she asked, meekly.

No no no, it's not that, I'm just saying it changed color all of a sudden.

"No you're right, it did." She said, twirling her locks. "It changed from pink to blue early today and I didn't know what to make of it. Do you think I should dye it back to pink? It's okay if you think so."

No it's fine, I just wasn't expecting it.

"Oh...okay...if you say so."

So did anything else unusual happen around here?

"Um, not that I know of." Fluttershy shrugged. "The yellow-bellied marmoset has been eating more wingnuts than usual today. Why do you ask?"

Okay, Fluttershy, listen carefully because-

"Yoohoo! Narrator! Is that your voice I hear?!"

Oh...hey, Rarity.

"My word, Fluttershy!" beamed the fashionista as she trotted up to the cottage. "You didn't say you were going to dye your mane. It looks truly radiant!"

"Oh, why thank you, Rarity." Fluttershy blushed. "I'm glad somepony likes how it looks."

Wait what's that supposed to mean?

"Anyway, dear," said Rarity, reaching into her saddlebag. "I finished restitching your jacket. My hooves feel quite raw from all the needlework, but it's what I love do of course!"

"I really appreciate it, Rarity!" said Fluttershy, taking her fixed jacket.

Your hooves? Why couldn't you just sew with your magic like you always do?

"Magic?" Rarity scoffed. "Honestly, Narrator, I may be an experienced tailor but I'm no wizard."

What are you...AAAH! Your horn!

"My what?"

It's gone! What happened to your horn?!

"Narrator, you're being strange." Rarity said. "I'm an earth pony, you know that."

No you weren't! You're supposed to be a unicorn! You've always been!

"What? I've never been a unicorn, I've always been an earth pony!...Haven't I?" Rarity shook her head slightly. "Wait, this doesn't feel right. Now that you mention it, I do remember having a horn. And using it too! Oh goodness! This isn't how it's always been! Why am I an earth pony?! Not that that's a bad thing. Has my whole life been a lie?! What happened to my beautiful horn?!" She then crumpled to the ground and began sobbing in typical dramatic fashion. "I don't know who I am anymore!"

"It's okay, Rarity," said Fluttershy, lending her a hoof to her shoulder. "I'm starting to think my life's been a lie too."

"Ah quit yer bellyachin', ya drama queen!"

Applejack! Do you feel any different at all?

"Oh, howdy Narrator." The humble farmer said, a cart full of celery strapped to her back. "Um, not really. I feel fit as a fiddle actually."

Well that's good because- buh- buh- buh- buh- buh- What is that?!

"What's what? Mah tail? Somethin' wrong about mah tail?"

"Her tail's been there, Narrator." Fluttershy said.

The celery! What is up with the celery?!

"Whaddya mean?" Applejack cocked her head. "I've been growin' celery since I can remember. It's mah livelihood n' such."

No it's not! You grow apples! Your name is Applejack! You're part of the Apple Family! It's on your cutie mark!

"Hey mister, I don't tell you how ta live yer life!" glowered Applejack. "I'm a celery girl and that's that! Ya think Rainbow should be a rainbow farmer 'cause of her name?"

...I can't really poke any holes in that logic. But it's still not right!

"Well shoot!" She turned her head away, insulted. "Then don't come cryin' ta me when yer next bloody Mary goes un-garnished!"

Ugh, looks like you don't even realize there's a problem. Wait a minute, Rainbow! I wonder what drastic change has affected her.

"AAAAAHH!!! It's horrible!" Rainbow's voice suddenly cried out as she came hurdling through the air from above. "I can't believe this is happening to me!"

Rainbow, it's me! Just calm down and tell me what's happened.

"Narrator, girls, you won't believe this," she stammered. "My...my...my hooves went up a size! I was trying on my Wonderbolt boots when I realized they were suddenly too tight! Now how am I supposed to bear air drag if my hooves are getting bigger?! This is terrible!!!"

...Really? That's what's different about you?

"And you call ME the drama queen!" retorted Rarity, still sobbing.

"Alright, just what in the good name o' celery is goin' on with y'all?"

"I'll tell you what." Pinkie said, appearing out of the blue. For some reason she wore a black leather duster and a pair of rimless shades. She spoke to everypony in a foreboding tone. "The world that you know is just a fabrication meant to occupy your minds while your bodies are being controlled by a greater force."

Um, excuse me?

"Yeah, Pinkie, what the heck are you saying?" asked Rainbow.

"That you are living in a dreamworld, Rainbow." Pinkie continued and held out two treats. "And I can offer a way out. You eat the blue frosted cookie, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You eat the red frosted cookie, you stay in wonderland and see just how far the doughnut hole goes."

You've been watching way too many movies, Pinkie.

"Oh yeah? Well I know Kung Fu!" said Pinkie, pulling a crane stance.

"Do either of your ways out have vanilla?" asked Fluttershy.

"Or processed flour?" added Rarity.

"Are you saying you drugged these cookies, Pinkie?" sneered Rainbow.

"Can I eat the red one without fallin' into a hole?" quipped Applejack.

Alright listen, all of you! There's a reason for all of these weird changes. Twilight's gone missing, and her disappearance has caused glitches in reality. I believe this is the work of an otherworldly force not unlike me. But we must find out what it is.

"Preposterous, Narrator!" Rarity rolled her eyes. "Twilight is always bustling between here and Canterlot. It's not unlike her to leave on business without telling us."

Then how is it that even I can't find her presence?

"Well...that is a bit of a mystery." She said blankly.

"Hey yeah, Narry's always been able to follow Twilight wherever she goes." Rainbow added. "If he can't even do that, it's like she's been...uh...she's been..."

"Unplugged?" suggested Pinkie.

"Whatever that means." Rainbow shrugged.

"This sounds scary." Fluttershy trembled. "If Narrator can't find Twilight, what chance do any of have? What if she never comes back?"

"Now c'mon, sugarcube," said Applejack. "She's one of us, the Elements o' Harmony. We always have a way of returnin' to each other eventually."

That's right. But even with all of you together, it'll still take some big help to uncover what happened. That's why I think you should all see Princess Celestia.

"Of course! She'll know what to do!" chimed in Rarity.

"Well then let's get our flanks to Canterlot on the double!" said Rainbow, ready to take off.

"But wait," pondered Fluttershy. "How will we know nothing has changed about Princess Celestia as well?"

Look, Fluttershy, my head hurts too much already. Let's just get to Canterlot before we find something that's changed out of control.

"You can just say you don't like my mane, Narrator." Fluttershy frowned.

"Really, Narrator, you know how sensitive Fluttershy is about her looks." Rarity scolded.

"Yeah don't be such a jerk!" glared Rainbow.

Are you kidding me?

......

"No no no this can't be happening! This just can't be happening!"

Oh but it is. Twilight scurried around the black onyx floor of her gloomy castle. She rummaged through her shelved collection of dark magic and occult books, wearing a perplexed and anxious expression.

"This isn't mine! None of this is mine! Spike! Spike, where are you?!"

She then cantered over to the nearest window and peered out, only to be struck baffled by the view of Ponyburgh. Life carried on as normal for the ponies strolling around the driftwood buildings over the stilted boardwalks. The usual scent of rot permeated the greenish mist that emanated from the stagnant waterway below the cramped streets.

"Where am I?" shuddered Twilight as she gazed at the poorly maintained infrastructure. "I can see everything quite fine, thank you, whoever you are!" she barked at the ceiling.

Like what I've done with the place, Princess Twilight?

"If you're saying this is Equestria, then you are surely lying!"

You're right, it's not Equestria. It's my own little version of it. Sort of a second edition if you will.

"Second edition? Just who are you anyway?"

Why...I'm the Editor!

"The Editor? Wait, are you some kind of narrator?!"

You could say that. Only I'm much better at the job.

"So you must know the narrator who follows me! Where is he?! What have you done?!"

Simple, Twilight. I rejected your reality and substituted my own.

"Ugh! Could you be any more vague and cryptic?!"

Try not to think about it too much. You wouldn't want to damage that precious brain of yours.

"Listen you creep! You better tell me what's happened or-"

"Gah! Will you shut up already, you chatty egghead?!"

"...Who was that?"

Oh yes, you were wondering where Spike is?

"Spike? He's here?!"

"Who the hell is Spike?!" grumbled Crag as he entered the bedroom holding a cigar to his mouth. "Can't ya go five minutes without talkin' your mouth off to yourself? I'm tryin' to sleep off this hangover!"

"What in the...You're not Spike!"

Of course not. He's your new lovable assistant, Crag the fire salamander!

"What have you done with Spike?!"

"Call me Spike one more time, brainiac," rasped Crag. "And I'll charbroil your precious necromancy books!"

"Necromancy? I would never...What am I saying? This really is a different world! But...wait, who am I? Am I a part of this dimension? You, salamander, what's my name?"

"What are ya crazy? It's Twilight friggin' Sparkle! After all ya keep lettin' the whole town know that." Crag replied and puffed on his cigar.

"What do you mean?" Twilight said then coughed. "Would you please put out that cigar?"

"Ey, I'm a fire salamander, lady!" replied Crag with another puff. "Ya can't blame a fish for breathin' water. By the way we're out of Vanhoover whiskey."

"Ugh, how did the alternate me ever get mixed up with a wretch like you?"

Do you really think you're the same you in this world, Twilight? In Equestria, you are viewed as a savior to the ponyfolk. You've brought peace, friendship and enlightenment to everywhere on your travels. But in this edition, well, you're the bane of this town's existence.

"Oh, I get it. So there's an anti-Twilight running around in my place? I can see right through your charade, Mr. Editor. If you knew enough about me, you should know that I have experience with crossing into other dimensions. I've been to an Equestria entirely run by humans. Heck, I've even met myself through time travel! So you know what? None of this scares me! Either I'm going to find my way out of this world or my friends will find me! And there's nothing you can do to stop that!"

I see. But do you know why I am called the Editor?

"Um, I don't know, because you're a jerk?"

It means I change things Twilight. I don't create stories. I simply take one that already exists and rearrange it into a way I see fit. Do you really think you're in a different Equestria in a physical sense?

"Wh...what are you talking about?"

My dear, this is without a doubt the very same Equestria that you've lived in all your life. You haven't been transported anywhere, like with your human wold and all your various timelines. You haven't moved an inch! I told you it's simple, Twilight. The world around you has completely changed in an instant!

"You mean...it's been..."

That's right! Edited! By yours truly!

"Then where's the Narrator?! If this is the same Equestria then he's got to be still around!...Isn't he?"

Hm hm hm...I'm afraid that loser wasn't part of the package.

"No...no I don't believe it! He has to be here!" Twilight sped down the stairs in a frantic state. She made her way through the haunting front chamber of her jagged black castle. "Oh my castle is ruined...You can't beat me, you snake! My friends will have noticed that everything's changed too. If the Narrator can't help me then they will!"

"Whoa hey!" Crag called after her. "I wouldn't go out there if I was you!"

Ignoring the salamander, Twilight threw open the double doors only to be met with a cacophony of shouting. She gawked in fright as half of the town of Ponyburgh formed an angry mob out front. The citizens rabbled and protested all at once, shaking their hooves at the confused purple pony. Even some of the foals joined in on the public ostracizing.

"Wh-wh-what's going on?!" Twilight darted around. "People, settle down!"

"Consarn you, Twilight Sparkle!" shouted Applejack from the front of the mob. "You come out here and take what's comin' to ya!"

"Applejack!" beamed Twilight. "What's happening?! Did you notice anything different?!"

"Oh I'll say we noticed something, you vile witch!" jeered Rarity. "You'd better have a good explanation for what you've done!"

"I don't understand! What did I do?!"

"You know dang well what you did!" shouted Rainbow Dash. "You set fire to the whole carrot farm just to practice your stupid destruction spells!"

"Only you would do something like this, you...big...dumb...meanie!" added Fluttershy. "We want you to stop these reckless antics and get out of our town!"

"Lemme at her! LEMME AT HER!" blurted Pinkie Pie, ready to put up her dukes.

The crowd continued their chaotic protesting as Twilight quickly slammed the doors shut, closing the lock. She leaned against the wall trying to control her breath, after having so many ponies chastise her.

"Boy, this anti-me must be a real monster. And none of my friends seem to have any idea of all the changes. If I can just find the other Twilight maybe I can calm them all down."

Oh ho Twilight, haven't you learned by now? I told you, this is the same Equestria. And there is still only one Twilight Sparkle who lives here. There is no anti-you.

"Then why am I suddenly a social pariah?! I never burned down any farm!"

You may not have. Hm hm hm, but all those angry ponies seem to think so. It's as if their memories were somehow...edited?

"...No way. You...you can't do that!"

Ha ha, I just did you silly girl! I'm the Editor! I can change anything! Even your mind!

"Not a chance! You may have my friends under your spell, but you'll never convince me that I'm a part of your twisted version of my home!"

Not for now, anyway. But you'll see, Miss Sparkle. Soon you will adapt to this new life of yours. You will accept that you are in fact the magical menace that the town of Ponyburgh know you as. And soon, you will learn to appreciate me.

"Never! Get out of my head! You're not my Narrator!" Twilight yelled and cantered upstairs, locking the door and shutting all the blinds. She curled up in a corner, struggling to contain her fear and anguish. But then, she gasped as she noticed her front right hoof. The lavender fur was faintly turning dark and matted, as if some cosmic force was catching up to her physical state. Twilight's confusion only grew to near hysteria. "This...this isn't the same Equestria. It can't be. It has to be different. And I'm still me! Right?"

"Eh man, she's gonna pop." Crag said with a drag of his cigar.

......

"Ya know, a lotta ponies don't realize how many soups require celery as an ingredient." Applejack droned on as the remaining Elements of Harmony approached Canterlot Castle. "Veggie n' barley, wild mushroom, clam chowder, minestrone, ya can even use it in a broth with cheddar and tofu and-"

"We get it, Applejack!" groaned Rainbow. "We're still not eating your gross celery!"

"Yer loss, airhead!" huffed Applejack, taking an earsplitting chomp out of a celery stalk.

"Um, Narrator?" spoke Fluttershy. "I've been wondering. How are we going to explain you to Princess Celestia? I don't think she can hear you like we can, can she?"

I would have known if she could. Don't worry, I'm sure she'll believe you if you just tell her the truth. Besides, I guarantee Twilight has written to Celestia about my existence...At least, I hope she has.

"Of course Twilight would write to Celestia about you, Narrator." Rarity said.

"No she hasn't!" came a voice from beneath Applejack's cart full of celery.

"What in tarnation?!" exclaimed Applejack as she began rummaging through her precious crop. At the bottom of the cart was a little dragon smiling up at her sheepishly. "Spike what the whole horse do ya think yer doin' in mah celery?!"

"Well I certainly wasn't eating it." Spike murmured. "But I heard you girls were going to see Celestia to try to find Twilight, so I decided to tag along."

"I doubt you're going to be much help, Spike," said Rainbow. "Seeing as how you can't hear the Narrator either."

"Oh please, I'm glad I don't have to hear that invisible goon." The little pansy replied. "But if Twilight has gone missing and he can't do anything about it, then it becomes my business!"

"Well I guess that's fair enough." Applejack shrugged. "Just don't go gettin' mah fragile celery all dirty!"

"Heh, don't have to worry about that." Spike mocked before Applejack mule kicked the cart, knocking him dizzy.

Upon entering the towering front doors of the alabaster castle, the ponies and one dragon wandered down the hallowed halls towards the main throne chamber, hoping Princess Celestia would be found there as usual. The royal guards saluted the Elements of Harmony as they passed, having them as frequent guests after all. But before the group could reach the throne room, they were halted by a thundering female voice from behind.

"WAIT, MY PONY COMRADES!" called Princess Luna, startling the regular sized mares as she came bounding up the hall.

"Princess Luna! What good timing!" greeted Rarity. "We were just coming to ask for help."

"We need to see the Oracle." Pinkie said, still in her mysterious black garb.

"Ignore her." Rainbow added. "We need you and Princess Celestia to help us find Twilight. She up and vanished out of thin air and we think it's because of some kind of time-space rifty thingy. We figured you two would be powerful enough to find her."

"Oh bother, I fear thou will not find much assistance from my dear sister." Luna said with a heavy sigh. "For something has happened to her recently that even myself can nary explain."

"What do ya mean, Princess?" asked Fluttershy. "Is she alright?"

Uh oh, it must be another anomaly.

"I know not what to make of the situation." Luna replied. "Thou will just have to follow me and see for thine selves."

With a slight sense of dread, the moon goddess silently led the ponies and Spike down a different corridor away from the throne room. Ascending a flight of stairs, they came upon a door surrounded by ornate glass walling. After stepping inside, the visiting ponies realized they were entering the recently built royal aviary, home to hundreds of exotic birds of numerous species. Fluttershy delighted in the biodiversity and flew up to admire the tweeting and squawking critters flying by.

"Ooh I love this place! I'm so glad you finally have a place for all the birdies around the garden, Princess Luna." She said, holding a singing cockatiel on her hoof and whistling to it. "But, um...why are we in here again?"

"Because I wanted to show you what has happened to Celestia today." Luna then called into the shrubbery of the aviary. "Tia! Tia, it is I! Come here, sister of mine!"

"QUACK! QUACK!"

The other ponies and Spike looked in confusion as a large white duck waddled out from behind a bush. That is, they were confused until they noticed the flowing, technicolor mane on the duck's head?!

"PRINCESS CELESTIA?!" they all blurted at once.

" QUACK QUACK QUACK!!!"

Fluttershy literally fainted from midair, landing in an acacia tree and having more cockatiels nesting in her blue mane. Spike burst out laughing and began rolling on the floor for the next several minutes.

"Okay very funny, Princess Luna!" chuckled Rainbow. "I gotta hand it to ya, this was a solid prank. Putting a wig on a duck? I admire the dedication but seriously, where's Princess Celestia?"

"THIS IS NO PRANK, RAINBOW DASH!" bellowed Luna in the royal voice. "This waterfowl is indeed my beloved sister!"

The duck with beautiful hair proceeded to preen her wing feathers, making low, soft quacks as she did.

"B-b-b-but how could this happen?!" came Applejack.

"As I have said, I have no explanation." Luna sighed. "I had awoken from my morning slumber as I began hearing a loud quacking sound echoing from my sister's chambers. I entered hoping to silence the noise, but I became astounded to find this bird in Tia's bed! I then put out a search party around Canterlot to make certain that she had not gone astray." She became sorrowed as she spoke. "But now I am adamant that my own poor sister...has...has..."

"Has finally quacked?!" guffawed Spike as he continued laughing. Applejack chucked a celery stalk at his head.

"Don't fret, Princess Luna." Rarity comforted her. "At least no apparent harm has come to your sister. Besides, we've been experiencing mysterious changes like this in Ponyville. And we suspect it has something to do with Twilight's disappearance! You see-"

"Wait...you had mentioned that Princess Twilight has gone missing earlier, haven't you?" spoke Luna with a bit of confusion.

"Yeah! And you we need your help to find her!" reiterated Rainbow.

"What are thou talking about?" queried Luna. "Fair Twilight is right here, within this castle."

...Wait what? How can that be? I would have sensed her here.

"Um, you don't say?" asked Rarity. "Would you mind taking us to her then, Princess?"

"Verily." Luna answered. "But I must warn thou, she hath been in a rather disgruntled state, ever since she arrived here unexpectedly this morning. Come to think of it, this was around the same time as when mine sister morphed into a duck."

"Quack?"

Luna then led her pony subjects out of the aviary, leaving Fluttershy to rest with her feathery friends. This time, they descended three flights of stairs until the decor grew duller and more hidden from the light. It appeared they were entering the...dungeon block of the castle's sublevel? Wait a minute...

"Princess Luna, why would Twilight be down here?" asked Spike. "Isn't this a dungeon?"

"As much as it pains me so to say," explained Luna as they entered the dim corridor. "When Twilight first arrived today she was in such foul behavior that we were compelled to restrain her from causing havoc in the castle. She had begun destroying some of our furniture for instance."

"That doesn't sound like Twi." Rainbow scoffed. "What could have gotten into her?"

"Turn off the light, you hag, I'm trying to read in here!"

Oh no...it couldn't be. She's...she's...Twilight sat in once of the dungeon cells behind bars. Her fur and mane were darkened and matted and she wore an expression of begrudging spite. She sat on the floor reading from some morbid and forbidding tome. Her horn was aflame with menacing magic. In a way...she had become totally unlike herself.

"Oh great, what the hell do you bunch of losers want?" growled Twilight.

"Twilight?!" gawked Spike. "Wha...what's happened to you?!"

"And who the hell is that pipsqueak dragon?!" Twilight's dark magic flared from her horn in anger.

The Good, the Bad, and the Twily

Chapter 3: The Good, the Bad, and the Twily

The toilet flushed as Twilight returned from the back corner of her cell to the barred door. The other Elements of Harmony along with Spike all continued to stand outside the cell with their mouths agape, staring at the purple alicorn in disbelief. It was only because the purple alicorn was not the one they knew and loved, at least not at heart.

"Are you freaks gonna keep gawking even when I take a piss?" sneered Twilight in her new grouchy tone.

It took a shove from Princess Luna, causing them to fall over each other like dominoes, to snap the others from their baffled state. "She hath remained in this state ever since I discovered her defacing the castle walls with magic paint." She said. "I even was compelled to constructeth a magical barrier to keep her from fleeing custody."

"Twilight, what the heck happened to you?!" blurted Rainbow after getting back up.

"Do you not recognize us?" asked Rarity.

"Of course I do." Twilight rolled her eyes. "You're the annoying mares who get all crazy mad whenever I do any magic. Don't recognize the shrimpy dragon though. The question is why do any of you give a crap enough to visit me in the clink."

"Shrimpy?!" glared Spike, astounded. "Hey what gives, Twi?! You disappear one moment and the next you don't remember me?"

"Spike, I think this may not actually be Twilight." Fluttershy said. "Even the Narrator doesn't seem to think so."

You're right, Fluttershy. There's something strange I'm sensing from her. This Twilight doesn't seem like an impostor. And yet she looks like a complete carbon copy. It's not just the way she's speaking. There's something else that's just...alien.

"Ah great, he's here too?" griped Twilight. "Hey shut up already you freaking ghost!"

Twilight! You can still hear me! Where were you?!

"You oughta know, you omnipotent creep!" she hissed.

"Pray tell, what is happening?" asked Luna.

"Well shoot, she can still hear ol' Narry." Applejack said, matter-of-factly. "Then she's gotta be the real Twilight!"

"Now I don't believe that for a second!" objected Pinkie. "The real Twilight wouldn't be such a grouchy-pus! We'll have to test her knowledge! Say, Twilight, what color is my underwear?"

"You don't wear any." Twilight glowered.

"Wow! No pulling one over her!" Pinkie shrugged.

Twilight looked at everypony interrogatively. "And who the heck is this Narrator?" she asked. "Is this guy the reason I'm here?!"

Uh, I don't think I am...Wait, you mean you don't recognize me? What other disembodied voices do you know?!

"I don't know who or what you are, buddy," scoffed Twilight. "But you remind me too much of that invisible jerk who calls himself the Editor."

...What?

"Editor?" Rainbow responded. "Twilight, what are you even saying?!...Oh man. Narrator? Is there something we should know?"

...I was hoping it wouldn't lead to this.

"Narry?" called Rarity. "You sound strange."

I've never told this to any of you. But there is another being like me. The Editor. He's a sort of counterpart to me. I don't know where he came from any more than my own origins. But what I do know is that he will try to disrupt anything I do. Whenever I would find somepony's story to follow and chronicle, the Editor would leech off of it and create his own alternate reality, skewing every detail of the story and turning logic upside down. He distorts reality as I see it and turns it into something ugly. Needless to say...he's a real ass.

"So you mean this Editor is what made Twilight this way?" asked Fluttershy, quivering.

It seems to be the best explanation. The Editor's presence has only ever been detectable by minor glitches in reality. But now it seems his power has been unleashed tenfold, and it's caused Twilight to become completely enveloped in the Editor's own twisted rules.

"Waddya mean, Narrator?" asked Applejack. "If this two-timin' Editor guy has taken control of Twilight, how come she's still here and not in some crazy dimension?"

Look, I know everything about me has been hard to comprehend, but it's about to get a lot weirder. From what I can tell, the Editor has created an entirely new Twilight along with a new Equestria, as he is one to do. But this time, it seems he has switched the mind of our Twilight with that of his own more sinister version of her.

"Okay, you're right," said Rainbow. "This is getting more and more insane."

He has that kind of power, I'm sure of it. He can steal minds and memories and just place them in his own little dark fantasies. Therefore he is even more powerful than I am. It's made him the very bane of my very strange existence.

"Well then how can we find this meanie so we can give him a real good walloping and save our own Twilight?" asked Pinkie.

...I'm not sure. There is definitely evidence of the Editor's meddling in the real world. But he's practically untraceable, even to me. We'd have to enter his own Equestria in order to bring him to light. I'm ashamed to say that's one of the few things I just can't do.

"Then...Twilight may be corrupted by the Editor forever." Rarity said dismally, looking at her lost friend.

Twilight shook her head and turned away in a huff, having given up trying to understand the dilemma.

"Pardon me, my fair ponyfolk," said Princess Luna. "But it doth seems thou art preparing to venture forth once again into worlds beyond our own."

"I guess, Princess," said Applejack. "But I don't think ya have a portal that could get us there this time."

"Nay, but fret not!" Luna smirked. "There may yet be a source of magical power that could be of assistance. Hast thou e'er heard of...the Fate Coin?"

"Oh yeah!" beamed Pinkie. "I heard about that in the...wait, no, I have no idea what that is."

Luna explained. "There is legend of a treasured coin, imbued with the magic to manipulate all space and matter. It was enchanted by a lost wizard who prophesied Equestria falling into chaos. So he doth drained all of his own magic to give the coin power. It is said that only a flip of the coin, to the opposite side of where it may lay, will send the user to an opposite world, where chaos does not abound."

"Princess Luna," said Rarity. "Do you think this coin may in fact teleport us to the world skewed off from our own? I must say that sounds quite far fetched."

"Alas I cannot say for your present situation." Luna replied. "And even so, the coin is only a legend. But I have nary a doubt that the union of the Elements of Harmony will be able to prove this legend true. My friends, if you have any hope left of restoring our dear Twilight Sparkle, you must seek out the Fate Coin."

"...Heck yeah!" exclaimed Rainbow. "Finally, another adventure! We'll be just like Daring Do finding some mystical treasure! Let's do it! I'm up for anything!"

"Uh huh, right. And just how are you supposin' we find a lil' ol' coin that may or may not even exist?" asked Applejack, skeptical.

"According to the legend," resumed Luna. "The unknown wizard hid the Fate Coin in a secret stronghold so it may not fall into greedy hooves. It would lie somewhere on the border between the Badlands and the San Palomino Desert."

"Oh, okay, that helps." Applejack said sarcastically.

"I don't know about this." Fluttershy spoke. "I'm afraid we'll be wandering into danger all for nothing."

"...We'll do it." Spike chimed in. "We have to. It's our only shot of tracking down this Editor guy and getting him to fix Twilight. I can't stand to live with her as a completely different pony."

Hmm...the lizard's finally starting to make sense. Alright, let's go get that coin. I'm not gonna let that editing hasbeen show me up like this!

"Yeah! You heard the ghost!" shouted Rainbow, already taking to the air and speeding away. "Come on! San Palomino Desert here we come!"

"Woohoo!" cheered Pinkie as she bounced away in the same direction. "Let's flip that coin and get to that flippy floppy Equestria!"

"Wait, what about Twilight?" asked Rarity. "Should we really leave her behind?"

"I must say that is for the best." Luna told her. "In her confounded state, I fear she will only be a hindrance to your quest. But rest assured, I will look after Princess Twilight."

"Feh, like I'd want to go anyway." Twilight muttered, lying in her cot.

"Here is to seeing you reach the treasure, my friends," smiled Luna as they started out of the dungeon. "And restore balance to reality. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST OF LUCK!"

"Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack!"

"Oh okay, Princess Celestia!" said Pinkie, as she swiped up the white duck and placed her on her back. "You can come with us! Not sure what an alicorn turned duck will do to help. But at least you're super cute now!"

"QUACK!"

You guys go on ahead...Twilight, can you still hear me?

"Ugh, duh!" she griped, holding her pillow over her head. "When can I not hear a crazy voice like you?!"

Just answer me this. What were you doing before you woke up today?

"What does it matter to you?" she replied. "I was just minding my own business, practicing a few destruction spells in the local carrot farm. And all of a sudden, everypony in town gets on my jock about hurting a few precious plants! I swear that whole place has it out for me. So I just keep teaching 'em a lesson with my magic to show how superior I am, as an alicorn after all. With this much power, I should be able to do whatever the heck I want, right? What do I give a crap about right and wrong anyway?"

...Wow, I'd hate to narrate a pony's story like that.

Twilight perused through one of her many, many books on arcane sorcery while sitting in the gloomy study of Contempt Castle. She seemed to wear a disgusted grimace on her face as she absorbed the gruesome, insidious knowledge of dark arts.
The tome she held in particular presented vivid description of the results of necromancy, a subject that most certainly would never nauseate her if she were feeling like her usual self.

"Ugh! I can't stand the thought of another me learning from this wretched sorcery." Twilight mumbled,
shaking her head. "It's a dreadful life."

Now what kind of talk is that, Twilight? This is your life! Like I said, there's no other you to speak of.
You are you and that's it.

"Uh huh," replied Twilight, shutting the book. "So you've said. But I bet that's not the whole truth. Why should I believe an entity who changes things at the drop of a hat?"

I'm not familiar with that expression. Who's dropping hats? If anypony was dropping any hats then I would know about it!

"Jeez, even Narry wasn't this dense."

Just then, Twilight startled at the sound of something pounding on glass. She turned to the window of her study to see that a tomato had splattered on the outside. Immediately she sprang up out of her chair and opened the window, looking down at the source of the ballistic vegetable.

"That's for loosening the wheels on my scooter, you crazy witch!" shouted Scootaloo from the street below, who then scampered off in a huff.

Twilight looked vexed. "Alright, that's it!" She shut the window and stormed out of the study and downstairs. "If I'm going to be stuck in this cynical Equestria, then I'm going to at least make things right. I'm going out to apologize to every single pony in town and restart making friends with them, as it should be!"

Okay, do as you like! But I can't guarantee you'll get the kind of friendship you're used to out of this world.
And don't think it'll do anything to rid yourself of my presence. I'm all-knowing after all!

Twilight smirked. "This coming from the guy who just called a tomato a vegetable instead of a fruit?"

Mmph...Crazy witch.

"Ey whaddya think yer doin'?!" rasped Crag as he entered the foyer, cigar in mouth. "You go out there an' you'll get massacred! Do I have to keep you under lock n' key or what?!"

"Sorry, my good salamander," said Twilight, quaintly. "But I'm going to start mending some bridges. And I'm not going to let this obviously newly fabricated world bring me down. Don't worry, I promise to make you happier as well when I get back."

"Feh, good luck with dat!" retorted Crag. "And changelings will fly outta my butt!"

Determined to see her mission of peace come to fruition, Twilight exited the black onyx castle. She ignored the crude, yet rude, drawings of her posted on the front door and proceeded down the street toward the center of Ponyville. Unfortunately, she only made it half a block before being detected by passersby.

"Twilight Sparkle!" yelled Daisy. "You have a lot of nerve showing your face around here, after you summoned a hoard of weevils in my garden!"

"Not to mention you mixing my toothpaste with love potion!" added Colgate.

"And replacing my bear claws with actual bear claws!" shouted Donut Joe.

"Uh oh." Twilight quivered as the locals began to close in on her.

Fearing another angry mob, Twilight summoned a dose of magic in her horn and cast her teleportation spell. Instantly she reappeared in her initial destination, the main office of the town hall. Sure enough, Mayor Mare gasped at the manifestation of the bane of her town and leaned over her desk.

"How dare you barge into my office, Twilight Sparkle!" the politician scolded. "I supposed I should add breaking and entering to your list of many misdemeanors in my town!"

"Mayor Mare, please! I only came to talk." Twilight took a deep breath to gather her words. "Look, I understand I've made a lot of mistakes in Ponyville."

"Mistakes?! Ha!" scoffed Mayor Mare. "If you could call releasing a rampaging homunculus made of tar into the Cutie Mark Day Camp a mistake!"

"Okay, okay, I did a lot of bad things on purpose." "But no more! You see, Miss Mayor, I recently had this...revelation, involving trans-dimensional rifts, that uh, showed me the error of my ways. And I am here to ask of you a request."

"Oh this ought to be good." Mayor Mare snorted. "Fine, I'll indulge you. But make it quick."

"I want to make a public announcement to every citizen in Ponyville, Mayor Mare," said Twilight. "And make a formal apology once and for all. I promise to right every wrong I've done to everypony, and possible, make some friends along the way."

"Is that so?" Mayor Mare gave her a skeptical eye. "And why should I believe you'll make good on your flimsy little promise, Sparkle?"

Twilight then produced a parchment and quill. "If I commit one more heinous act, Mayor Mare," she said. "Then I will officially enact a request for the city to immediately demolish my castle."

The mayor blinked in surprise. "You mean that big black tree thing you built where the puppy park used to be? Hmm...I suppose I have no reason to call you on your bluff."

"Trust me, Miss Mayor," continued Twilight. "I'm a changed pony. My only goal now is to bring peace and friendship to all of Equestria. That's the truth."

At that moment, Mayor Mare could see a glimmer of hope in the young alicorn's eyes. Somehow, she felt compelled to believe in her sudden, but reasonable request. She then signed the parchment. "Very well then, Miss Sparkle. I shall arrange for your announcement tomorrow morning outside town hall. But I must warn you, my dear: it could take quite some time for you to gain the trust of my town, after everything you pulled."

"You have nothing to fear, Miss Mayor." Twilight smiled like the fool she is. "What?"

Nothing!

"What?" asked Mayor Mare.

"Nothing!" replied Twilight.

"Now boarding! Four-thirty to Appleoosa!" announced the conductor.

Steam hissed from the underbelly of the small locomotive engine that afternoon. Travelling tourists awaiting in the Canterlot station flocked together and boarded the long train of passenger coaches. Among them, Spike and the five Elements of Harmony, along with a fowl princess, settled down in their car anxious to embark on yet another harrowing adventure. Tension stood as they all sat in their benches and reviewed the situation.

"Do you really think your cousin will help us locate the Fate Coin, Applejack?" asked Fluttershy.

"Well I can't say he's heard o' the thing." Applejack shrugged. "But I don't know anypony who can navigate the desert better than Braeburn. If this magic coin is somewhere in the Badlands, I'll be darned if he don't get us there."

"I gotta be honest, it feels weird going on an adventure like this without Twi." Rainbow sulked. "If she knew about finding some cool mystical treasure, she'd be all over it! But without her we're just plowing forward without a real plan."

"Not to worry, girls!" added Rarity. "Princess Luna was kind enough to lend me this book on fabled treasures. She said there is an entire section on the Fate Coin. Twilight may not be with us, at least in the way we'd want her, but we can at least think like her."

"Yeah! And with Princess Celestia duckified," said Pinkie. "Anything is possible!"

"Quack!" said Celestia, eating bread crumbs out of Pinkie's hoof.

"Does anypony get the feeling that she's trying to tell us something?" pondered Rainbow.

"Maybe she's really hungry for some celery!" beamed Applejack.

"AJ, stop pushing your crummy celery on us!" sneered Rainbow.

"Honestly, Applejack!" scoffed Rarity. "I have no qualm with celery in the first place, but somehow you're making it sound quire unappetizing."

"Yer all just jealous cuz I got a real versatile crop that'll make mah family rich!" retorted Applejack. "An' just to prove it to ya, I'm gonna sell mah cart o' celery to every pony on this train!"

"Um, Applejack," said Fluttershy meekly. "About that. When I said I'd stow your celery on the luggage car for you...um, I actually got rid of it."

"You WHAT?!" exclaimed Applejack. "Fluttershy, ya threw away mah livelihood?!"

"Well, um, not exactly 'threw away'!" stammered Fluttershy. "I actually unloaded it all in a nearby pet shelter. I thought all the hungry little bunnies there would be happy to have it. Now that I think about it, they didn't seem too keen to try it."

"Son of a mule!" cursed Applejack. "I will get mah celery crop off the ground if it kills me!"

"Not before it kills us first!" Rainbow mocked.

"Shut yer trap, Rainbow!" hissed Applejack.

"LOUD SHOUTING!" added Pinkie.

"QUACK QUACK!"

"Oh dear, what have I done?" squeaked Fluttershy.

"Hey, listen." ...Spike said, skulking in a private corner of the coach...Is he talking to me? "I know I can't hear you. But I just want you to know something, if you're paying any attention to me at all. I still don't understand what kind of relationship you have with Twilight. But I can tell that she means the world to you. And guess what...she does to me too. I feel so useless and powerless without her. She's raised me all my life, you know. So you can see that I'd do anything to get her back. Even if it means trusting some ghost thing. So if you're listening at all, I just want you to know that...I need your help. I'm willing to look past any stupid quarrels we have if it means saving Twilight. Please...stick with me. At least until I get her back."

...You got it, dragon. I'm here for you.

"All aboard! Four-thirty to Appleoosa departing!"

"Now wait there, my good man. Hold the door for me."

"You're runnin' pretty late, friend! Good thing you got yer ticket, I see."

"I'm just trying to catch up with some...old friends of mine."

"Well I don't think you sound suspicious at all. Climb aboard already!"

"Thank you, sir. I'd hate to cause a disturbance."

The next morning, the disgruntled denizens of gathered around the front face of town hall, after receiving letters for a mandatory announcement. A small stage was set up outside the front door with an intercom system set up for the curious masses to hear. Behind the stage, inside town hall, Twilight awaited with the still skeptical Mayor Mare.

"I hope you have a real crowd pleaser of a speech, Sparkle." The mayor said. "Even just seeing you in person could start a riot for all I know."

"I'll make it short, sweet and to the point, Miss Mayor." Twilight smirked. "Um, and again, sorry about raising zombies from the floors of town hall."

"Hmph, that's a start." Mayor Mare grumbled before stepping outside and onto the platform to address the waiting crowd. "Citizens of Ponyville," she spoke. "I have gathered you all here today for something...unprecedented. Somepony who is responsible for many misdeeds is here to atone once and for all. I give you...Twilight Sparkle."

"What the crap?!"

"What does she want?!"

"We don't wanna hear it!"

Twilight approached the podium, anxious but unwavering. She gazed out at the peeved audience, having never seen such derision aimed at her, and spoke into the microphone nonetheless. "My fellow ponies! I understand that I am the last one you'd rather see at any time. But that is why I have chosen to speak with you all. I hereby sincerely, and humbly, apologize to everypony in this town, for everything I have done."

"Oh yeah sure!"

"That's a load of bull!"

"Yeah, 'sorry' ain't gonna grow my eyebrows back!"

"I beseech you, good people," continued Twilight, sticking to her manner as a diplomat. "I know that no words can undo all the ways I've wronged you. That is why I am going to make good on my promise to make Ponyville a better place. Starting with restoring the carrot farm." She then procured a small potted plant that had barely begun budding. "As of last night, I have begun cultivating new, stronger carrots using botanical magic, which I offer to our local farm. I also plan to use the same methods to improve the situation of the rest of our crops, and other plants."

With a wave of magic, Twilight then sprouted an array of azaleas, rich in color and pattern, along the front of the stage from a makeshift soil bed. The townsfolk suddenly gasped in awe at the beautiful spell, hoping to see more. This was the first time Twilight had ever done anything good for this town.

"Furthermore, I plan to use every ounce of restoration magic," said Twilight with a smile. "To clean our streets and waterways, repair our homes and undo any damage caused by dark magic!"

The ponies murmured amongst each other. The exhibition of peaceful magic from their hated enemy seemed to have struck a chord with everypony. It didn't seemed so far fetched of her to fulfill her promise.

"Kind of seems like she's after my job, but whatevs." Mayor Mare muttered to herself.

"And this is only a start in my plan to cast off my wicked ways." Twilight said, soberly. "Listen, for the longest time, I thought there was no real point to friendship. But something made me realize just how easily it can be lost. So I'm going to make a new start. From this day forward, I vow to restore the kindness, honesty, generosity, loyalty, and laughter which make us all one. I only ask that you give me that chance."

Something about the way the young alicorn spoke to the ponies resonated with them deeply. This sounded like the voice of somepony who could offer true friendship and benevolence, despite the reasons they had for loathing her. If the magic in her words was enough to compel Ponyville in such a way, the possibilities of her restoring the town seemed endless. The ponies smiled and applauded calmly. Perhaps they could trust Twilight after all. Perhaps they could show her friendship as well.

"Miss Sparkle," said Mayor Mare, approaching her. "I think it's agreed that your words have inspired hope. If somepony like you can show redemption, then maybe we too can-"

Just then an explosion sounded from a few blocks away! The now vacant sugar mill suddenly went up in flames as the roof was blown off from the blast! The crowd of innocent ponies gasped and shrieked, looking towards the direction of the blast. But their horror only grew instantaneously! A hoard of angry fire salamanders stormed the town of Ponyville from the nearest hill! They crawled their slimy, slithery bodies across the ground and unleashed flumes of fire breath upon anything in sight! Before long, every building on the north side of town was ablaze! And it seemed the onslaught would continue.
The astonished crowd then looked back up at Twilight, who stared with the same reaction at the damage. But when she turned around, it quickly occurred to her then why her audience were now glaring intently at her. Twilight gulped as she lost the trust of her fellow ponies in less than a minute.

"This is her doing!" shouted Rarity. "She's only keeping us distracted!"

"Dag gummit!" cursed Applejack. "She's got that fire salamander in her house! No wonder she would have a whole mess of 'em to destroy our town!"

"I should've known she was still evil!" cried Fluttershy.

"Not the sugar plant!" yelped Pinkie Pie.

"Let's get that lying psychopath!" jeered Rainbow Dash.

Mayor Mare stomped toward Twilight. "You shouldn't have bet your house, Sparkle!"

Twilight backed down, darting her gaze across the antagonized crowd. "No wait! It's not me!" she pleaded. "I didn't plan this!"

"Twilight Sparkle planned this!" shouted one of the fire salamanders storming through town.

"Please! You have to believe me!" begged Twilight. "There's a magic voice editing everything that's going on and...Oh who am I kidding?!" With a flap of her wings, Twilight escaped the new angry mob through the air. She made haste as the resident pegasi took off to catch up with her.

"Get back here, you witch!" shouted Rainbow Dash, leading the mob.

Seeing as how taking flight would not save her, Twilight cast her teleportation spell again, this time ending up in the foyer of Contempt Castle. At that point she actually felt glad to be back in the haunting, black onyx structure. But she knew it would not be for long.

"You monster!" she scolded at the air. "I was actually going to make things better! I was going to restart a good life! Why would you just overturn everything I set out to do?!"

How many times must we go over this, Twilight? I'm the Editor! I rule this world! I can stop any attempt you make to try and live your own life! Everything is done according to my plan! In this world, I am a god!

"I swear I will find a way out of this realm you created! I will find the Narrator and I will bring you down!"

"Boy, sounds like ya really crapped the bed out there, sweetheart." Crag said, looking out the front window. "I've never seen everypony so cheesed." He then looked over to see Twilight shoving books into a saddlebag. "Ey what the heck are ya doin' now?"

"We're leaving, Crag." Twilight ordered from the kitchen as she gathered up some food to pack. "It has become abundantly clear that I don't belong in this Ponyville."

"So why do I gotta go too?!" complained Crag.

Twilight came back into the foyer and stared him down. "Because in a few minutes you won't have a home either! I don't know how or why I would ever get involved with you, let alone a hundred other fire salamanders, but it looks like you're the only one who's not out for my hide, so your company will have to do! Is that clear?!"

Crag wavered at his boss's scorn. "Crystal, ma'am."

After both had hastily gathered up supplies, Twilight seated Crag on her back and flew out of the topmost window. The salamander clung onto her back nervously, not being used to air travel. Sneaking through a series of clouds, she rose up and remained out of sight of the approaching mob down below. Immediately, the enraged Ponies began throwing rocks through the windows of the castle and setting the structure ablaze with torches. It would have been a sorrowing sight for Twilight who watched from above, if the home being destroyed was the one she was used to.
Off in the distance, half of the citizens worked to drive out the army of fire salamanders from their town, while dousing out the fires they created. This however was the sight that pained Twilight. Her high hopes for making Ponyville a better place were all for naught. In fact, her involvement would only make conditions worse. Because of her, only destruction befell the quaint hamlet.

"So where the heck are supposed to go now?!" griped Crag.

"Anywhere." Twilight said solemnly. "I don't think you can understand, Crag. But we can't fight our real problems for now. All we, or really, I can do is just keep running, until I can stop being made the cause for all this. Until I can get back to my rightful existence."

"Hey, I'm game." Crag shrugged. "I am your assistant, after all."

With one last look at her demolished home, Twilight soared away through the sky. She hoped to find some temporary safe place to hide from all the chaos she had unraveled. But deep down, she knew that no matter what hole she would scurry away into, there would be no escape from her new fate. Anything could happen to her in her travels. And everything would. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

"Princess Twilight! Oh Princess Twilight! Art thou feeling any better?! Confound these stairs. Believe you me, my young Princess, I know this dungeon is rather drastic! Yet in thy unfortunately corrupted state, we musn't take any chances with thy new impulsive attitude! Thou dost understand, yes?...Twilight? Are you awake, Prin-...Egads! She has vanished! But how?! I had a barrier against her! Guards! Alert the others post haste! We doth have a jailbreak!...Of course I mean Princess Twilight Sparkle!...Why art thou giving me such look?! I am verily serious!...Get going or I shall imprison the lot of you! Ugh! Oh sister where art thou?"

Author's Note

"She poisoned out water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!"

"SHE DID?!"

"No! But are we just going to sit around until she does?!"

Planes, Trains and Incorporeal Entities

Chapter 4: Planes, Trains and Incorporeal Entities

The steady click and clack of the rustic rails became white noise in everypony's ears, as the 4:30 to Appleloosa thundered through the sun-baked plains. The five ponies, one dragon and one web-toed princess had found an open cabin on their coach and sat on the benches looking out at the setting sun. This would have been the opportune time to rest up for the dangerous quest that lay ahead. But nopony was in the mood to relax, anxious to get the Princess of Friendship back from the brink. The sense of nervousness was palpable in the compact cabin; that is beside the fact that Applejack was too busy out in the aisle arguing with the attendant over the snack cart.

"Yer tryin' to tell me there's not ONE celery based snack on this here cart?!" scorned Applejack.

"Sorry, ma'am, but no." The serving mare replied sternly. "We only serve our passengers with comfort food."

"And just what's that supposed to mean?!" scoffed Applejack. "Don't tell me ya can't get any comfort out of some ants on a log!"

"I have no idea what that is." The attendant said, irritated.

Inside the cabin, Rainbow was growing restless as she stared out the window, fidgeting in her seat. "Urgh, this train cannot move fast enough. I don't know where we're going ultimately, but I want to get there already."

"What else does that book say about the Fate Coin, Rarity?" asked Fluttershy, breaking the ice.

Rarity opened up the tome she borrowed from Princess Luna. "According to this, the unknown wizard enchanted a coin that he acquired from a treasure of gold he found. The treasure was part of a caravan run by thieves who lost their way in the desert and disappeared. It is said that legendary outlaw Blazing Buck was leading this caravan."

"How does anyone even know about this stuff?" asked Spike. "A lost thief caravan discovered by an unknown wizard? I mean, who was actually there to recount the story?"

Rarity peered at the back binding of the book. "It says, 'From the collected accounts of Fibbing Fables the Dubious, the Exalted Exaggerator of Equestria'."

"Man this is a waste of time!" blurted Rainbow. "Princess Luna has unlimited magic resources and she sends us on some kind of snipe hunt! How are we supposed to save Twilight with this dreck?!"

Take it easy, Rainbow. You've been through crazier stuff before. We are sure to be closer to finding Twilight than we were just sitting around Ponyville.

"Whatever," she sulked as she stood up and exited. "I'm gonna take a walk. We'd be closer if this whole train were to derail."

Oh please don't let that be foreshadowing. Rainbow stalked down the aisle of the train car past Applejack stirring up a fury over the snack cart. She crossed over onto the last passenger car where she hoped to get some fresh air on the end balcony. But before she could open the door to the outside, a voice called to her from the bench to her right.

"Pardon me, young miss," came a lilting male voice from behind a newspaper. "Might there be something troubling you?"

"What's it to you, old timer?" Rainbow sneered.

The newspaper was lowered, revealing a light gray stallion with a combed white mustache, top hat, and monocle. "I couldn't help but overhear you and your friends, as I was strolling up the train, that you were in search of the fabled Fate Coin."

"None of your bus- wait," Rainbow approached the stranger. "How do you know about the Fate Coin?"

"Begging your pardon, miss," the gentlecolt said. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Finders Keepers, scholar of archaeology. I have spent my life collecting rare treasures, especially those of potent magical properties. And I have studied up on the very coin you are looking for."

"Then does that mean you know where it is?" asked Rainbow.

"I am afraid there are only wrong answers to that question, my dear." Finders Keepers explained. "The Fate Coin does not even exist. It is a myth. A product of exaggerated history and the telephone game."

"I knew it!" exclaimed Rainbow. "So this is just a waste of time!"

"Ever so awkward to bring up bad news to a stranger," said Finder Keepers. "But, there it is. I'd hate to let somepony such as yourself wander into danger for no reason."

"Normally I'd thump you for eavesdropping on me and my friends," glowered Rainbow. "But you may have just saved me from certain death in the desert. So thanks, I guess." She walked on back toward her passenger car.

"Don't mention it, my dear!" Finders Keepers tipped his hat. "Always happy to steer others on the right path!"

Uh, Rainbow, did that guy seem a little strange to you?

"Of course he looked weird, Narrator," she said as she crossed the aisle. "He looked like the mascot from that board game: Corporate Takeover."

I mean there was just some kind of odd vibe to him. Some kind of energy that makes my skin crawl. Just think, how did he knew about the Fate Coin? And what are the odds of a so-called treasure hunter ending up on the same train as us just as we're looking for this thing? Awful bit of a coincidence, isn't it?

"You're being paranoid, Narrator." Rainbow sulked. "Right now, we gotta stop wasting time and find another way to find Twilight. We gotta turn this train around!"

That's not how it works. But I'm telling you, that pony is pretty suspicious. He even gives me the chills. I don't think he's who he says he is...

Rainbow rejoined her friends in their cabin. "Good news, guys!" she said. "Well, sort of. I just talked to this rich artifact guy and he told me that the Fate Coin doesn't even exist. This is all just a big wild goose chase."

"Quack! Quack!" came Celestia.

"I said goose chase! Goose!"

"Yer takin' the word from some stranger on a train?" glowered Applejack. "That's mighty dim, even for you."

"Rainbow we can't give up for one moment on any chance of rescuing Twilight." Fluttershy said. "Who's to say this coin doesn't exist?"

"C'mon, this guy seemed pretty credible to me." Rainbow shrugged. "I think a guy named Finders Keepers would know a thing or two about lost treasures."

"Finders Keepers?" repeated Rarity, skeptically. "Rainbow, I've heard that name before. Finders Keepers isn't an artifact collector; he's a high-end property landlord from Canterlot. He has no business in magical artifacts or the desert for that matter."

"My gosh!" gasped Pinkie. "He's become completely delusional with amnesia and has come to reinvent himself riding the rails!"

"Pinkie, the only delusional one is Rainbow." Spike said. "That guy was obviously an impostor! Probably someone trying to throw us off the trail!"

"But who the hay would want to stop us?" pondered Rainbow. "Who would even know of the kind of adventure we're on?"

"I reckon I have an idea who." Applejack said gravely as she took a slow bite from a celery stalk.

"AJ, seriously, that crunching sound is making me ill." Fluttershy cringed.

"I don't tell ya how to live yer life, Fluttershy!" blurted Applejack with a mouthful as she got up and cantered down the aisle.

"He was in one of the seats over here." Rainbow followed alongside. But when they both approached the correct bench, there was no high-end archaeologist or landlord sitting upon it. "But- but- I swear he was here!"

"He must know we're on to him!" said Applejack.

"Ooh the suspense is killing me!" Pinkie exclaimed and tapped her hooves rapidly. "Oh wait, that's just my bladder. Excuse moi."

She then zipped over to the washroom in the corner of the carriage and opened the door, ignoring the possibility of it being occupied. She looked up with a blank expression at the disturbed occupant as he stared back at her.

"...Hiya Discord!" Pinkie grinned wide.

"Oh come on!" grunted Discord. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?!"

...

The lonely twang of a solo blues guitar resounded throughout the dimly lit pub. Smoke rose from the cigars of some of the grizzled old patrons, seated at the wobbly tables and crowded around games of billiards. A palpable mixture of despair, regret and beer breath hung in the air like a fresh cloud of plague. Man, I should be a poet. Over at the bar, Twilight sat with her head hung over an ice cold glass with her lovable scamp Crag sitting beside and puffing a cigar. The salamander felt right at home; Twilight however, after weeks of useless fleeing, felt homesick, among other forms of sick.

"Bartender!" Twilight called with a slur. "Another over cider here, please!"

The barkeep paused his polishing and sulked. "Fine. Here comes number three." He poured another glass of the sauce.

"And make sure you keep 'em, blurp, coming!" She added with a belch.

"You know this cider isn't alcoholic, right?" the barkeep said. "I think your drunkenness might be a little...fake."

"The word you're looking for is 'psychosomatic', you greasy booze jockey!" blurted the downtrodden princess.

"Right," the barkeep rolled his eyes and walked away. "I'll just leave you the bottle and go put more grease on my face."

Twilight dropped her head on the counter. "Ugh, who am I kidding? Maybe I really am a bad pony."

"Jeez, talk about a lightweight." Crag scoffed as he downed a shot of fire whiskey. "Cheer up, will ya? So everyone in town hates your guts. How do ya think I felt when I was kicked out of my swamp?"

"Why were you kicked out?" asked Twilight.

Crag took a long inhale from his cigar and blew an entire plume of smoke into her face, making her cough. "I have absolutely no clue. Ya know, it's about time we got out of that stuckup town anyway. Time to begin anew, right? Start fresh."

"Easy for you to say," grumbled Twilight. "You don't have to live with a malevolent, omniscient editor tripping you on your every step."

"Right, right, your new imaginary nemesis." Crag played along. "If you're such a powerful witch or whatever, why don't you just get rid of that voice in your head?"

"You don't understand." Twilight swigged more cider. "He's too powerful for me to have any effect. It's like he's something beyond pony magic. I still don't fully understand where either of them come from."

"What do you mean 'either of them'?" asked Crag.

"Well...you see...ugh, never mind." Twilight sighed. "Just thinking about someone I once knew. Someone I could really use right now."

He's not coming for you, Sparkle. I'm afraid he can't even come near my realm. But not to worry; I have no intent on harming you. Just making your life an agonizing, if not irritating, constant Tartarus. So drink up! I'll conjure some eighty-proof cider for you this time.

"Go soak your head." Twilight grumbled.

"Say what now?"

"Not you, Crag."

Oh, excuse me, something exciting is happening that I must narrate. Ahem! Just then, the front doors swung open with a gust as a lone darkened figure stood against the sunlight. Some of the patrons gawked at the newcomer; he was cloaked in all black with a canvas jacket, heavy boots and big round helmet. A pair of sunglasses and a bandanna concealed his face. He stalked a few meters into the bar without saying a word and looking at no one in particular.

"What'll you have, mysterious rugged stranger?" called the bartender.

The figure spoke in a deep, gravelly voice, muffled by the mask. "I'm looking for Twilight Sparkle."

Murmurs began to circulate throughout the pub upon hearing the name, further adding to Twilight's reputation as a social pariah. Twilight swiped a fedora from one of the barflies, donned it and tilted it over her face.

"This ain't an office, friend." The bartender snarked. "I don't take pony's names in here. Just their money and their sobriety."

"If anypony in here has seen her," the stranger growled. "Now would be a good time to tell me."

"You been makin' new friends, Twilight?" quipped Crag.

"Shhh!" she hissed. "I know this is just another one of the Editor's gags but I still don't want to be seen."

Oh I had nothing to do with this, Twilight. This is just a random act of chaos. But knowing your reputation in Ponyville, somepony must've hired a bounty hunter against you! Oh happy day!

"You are just the worst!" seethed Twilight.

"Miss...you're gonna have to come with me."

Twilight slowly peered up to see the black-clad rogue staring down at her through those soulless shades. She gulped and quivered with a sense of doom.

"Relax, you won't be harmed. But when I say so," he then took off his helmet, revealing a blue mane and a white unicorn horn. "I want you to run."

"What?" Twilight stiffened, her fear now combined with suspicion.

"You gonna order something or not?!" the barten-

PWOOOOW

Wait, what the hell was that?!

"Run!"

Oh no you don't, Sparkle! Let's see you run from a swarm of angry wasps!...Uh, where are my wasps?...Where are my WASPS?!!! What did you do to me?!

"Hey, did you just zap the Editor? You know about him too?!"

"Only temporarily, so keep moving!"

"Your voice..."

This is bullcrap! I can't' control anything anymore! So all I can do is...narrate? Ugh, fine! Whatever! Let's just do this! Twilight broke into a canter as she followed the mysterious stranger out of the bar and into the dirt field across the street. Mmph, this is so boring!

"We can't take your balloon." The rogue said. "I got something faster."

"Wwwoah." Twilight remarked.

Waiting for them in the clearing was a large biplane, complete with- Wait, a biplane?! Like a fully motorized aircraft?! Why didn't I think of that! You're telling me I could've just sent a whole bomber squadron to blast the daylights out of Ponyville? Man when this stupid spell wears off I'm gonna raise some serious hell! Ugh, anyway, Twilight climbed into the rear seat of the biplane.

"No get in the other one!" said the stranger. "That's the pilot's seat!"

"What?! Why is it behind the passenger seat?" replied Twilight.

"It's an observation plane! The view is better up front!" he explained.

"It just seems a little crazy!" retorted Twilight.

"Will you just get in the front?!" barked the stranger.

"Crag, hurry up!" called Twilight.

"Oh so now you enjoy my company!" the little salamander joined her hesitantly.

After clambering like a moron into her respective seat with her beloved companion, Twilight waited anxiously as her pilot gave the plane's propeller a spin. The engine sputtered to life and the propeller blades whirled into a blur. After climbing into the cockpit, the pilot revved the rickety crate up to speed and it began to bumble over the terrain. With a yank on the flight stick, he tilted the plane toward the sky and immediately they were aloft. Twilight shakily peered over the side of the fuselage at the plains quickly shrinking below her, not accustomed to motorized air travel. But what troubled her mind even more was who was behind the controls of this confounded flying machine. She turned around and gave a stern look at her savior.

"Nopony's ever tried to help me in this universe so far." She said knowingly.

The pilot removed his goggles and bandanna. "Why wouldn't I save my own little sister?"

Twilight's jaw descended. "SHINING!"

She instantly lunged at her brother for a hug, but ended up sliding off the body of the plane and into the air.

"Twily!" exclaimed the pilot.

"Hold on! Coming back!" Twilight flapped her wings vigorously along with the plane and hurled herself back into the passenger seat. Yippee. "You don't know how happy I am to see you!" Twilight chirped. "I mean you haven't once tried to drive me out or insult me or burn my house down!"

"Yeah, I kinda heard that you were a social pariah over in Ponyville." Shining Armor replied. "But I don't believe what they say, Twilight. And I know what you're going through."

"You do? How?" she asked.

"Can it wait?! It's a little hard to hear you over the engine!" he raised his voice.

"No! Tell me everything! Don't leave me hanging!" urged Twilight.

"Alright, alright!" Shining Armor tried to make himself coherent. "You see, I'm part of a secret coalition led by Princess Luna, and we're all dedicated to help make things right in the universe. And you're the key to it all."

"Princess Luna wants to help me too?" came Twilight.

"Yes, but she cannot let anypony know that." Shining explained. "Except for those who have also felt 'the Unbalance'." A dramatic music sting was heard as he said this.

"Do you mean...the Editor?" asked Twilight.

"I'm not sure if we're talking about the same thing," said Shining. "But it happened about three weeks ago. I don't mean any offense, Twily, but up until recently, you've always been evil to everypony you've met. Since the day you were born you've been nothing but trouble, casting chaotic spells and generally wreaking havoc. Pretty soon you just ran away while you were still a foal, spreading turmoil everywhere you went as you grew, and eventually settling down in Ponyville to become a powerful witch. Mind you, until recently that was the truth that everypony knew. Until recently!"

"Yeah you don't have to keep stressing that." Twilight glowered.

"That's when I felt this instant surge of magical energy that we call 'the Unbalance'." Shining said as the dramatic music sting returned. "Suddenly, I knew for sure that this was not the world I was used to living in. Thanks to this 'Unbalance'," *dramatic sting* "I became convinced that this was not the real sister that I knew, that you were actually kind and brave and you used your power for good. At first I thought I was going crazy. But then Princess Luna told me that she felt the same thing. Only she, I and a few powerful unicorns you knew have been affected by 'the Unbalance'." *dramatic sting*

"Do you hear that too?" Twilight asked.

"Yes. Strangely enough, Princess Celestia was unaware of 'the Unbalance'." *dramatic sting* "Instead, she was somehow transformed into a duck! It was enough to convince us that something malevolent was at play."

"Something malevolent IS at play!" blurted Twilight. "Shining, something happened to me at the same time you felt 'the Unbalance'." *dramatic sting* "I was sucked out of my own universe and into this one, which was formed by this evil entity called the Editor. Only I can hear him and he's been controlling everything that happens to me."

"That's about what Princess Luna had guessed." Shining said. "And that's why she developed and taught us a new spell, the Anti-Chaos Charm, for your protection once we found you. But it works for about half a day and it takes a lot of energy out of the caster; I'm barely able to keep this plane aloft."

"...Um, that's kind of troubling to know." Twilight said flatly.

"Don't worry," he said, reaching down. "They gave me some medicinal herbs for that!" Shining began munching on a few slimy leaves, the effects of which caused him to emit an enormous belch.

"Ugh, Shining!" whined Twilight. "I can smell that from here!"

"Yeah, sorry," he replied. "These things have some side effects. 'May cause gas, bloating and temporary dyslexia'. But we should be fine as long as I keep the compass pointed at 'thorN-sEat'."

"This sounds very poorly planned!" Twilight discerned.

"Hey, you try running a rebellious, underground magical society!" remarked Shining before he began coughing from a plume of smoke. "Um, did I mention that this was a non-smoking flight?!" he angrily called at Crag.

"Just try and stop me, top gun." The salamander retorted with a puff of his cigar.

Twilight pondered for a moment. "So...what now?"

"Well, Princess Luna apparently has something planned for you, in order to restore you and all of our memories back to the real Equestria." Shining explained. "Until then, we just have to stave off the powers of this Editor from causing any more chaos."

"I guess this means that there really is an alternate me." Twilight said sullenly. "A crude, malevolent me. And she's probably running amok in the real Equestria. What if she runs into my friends? I don't think they can handle somebody so dangerous and unpredictable."

Discord quaintly sipped some piping hot ceramic from a cup made of tea while sitting in the train cabin. The ponies whose lives he had frequently mucked about with in the past all eyed him with begrudging intent. Not a word had passed for minutes. Except, I guess, for the ones I'm speaking right now which most of them can hear.

"Sooooo, are ya ready to tell us what yer doin' here now?" asked Applejack.

"I need to calm my nerves after being so crudely intruded upon!" huffed the chaos demon.

"Spill the beans, you blithering, fay creep!" barked Rainbow.

"And now I'm being insulted?!" Discord raved. "Is there no end to the stresses of today?!"

"Discord?" spoke Fluttershy in a gentle tone. "Remember what we talked about concerning honesty and openness? Come on now."

"Hmph!" he turned away from her.

"Do I have to use the ruler again?" asked Fluttershy, still maintaining her smile.

Discord gulped nervously. "Alright I'll talk!" he cracked. "You see, I know what happened to Twilight. I have felt it in the very fabric of reality."

"We know, we know," sulked Applejack. "Twilight has been replaced by an alternate version of herself and zapped to another dimension by the Editor."

"Oh drat!" cursed Discord. "I wanted to be the one with all the prophetic information! Well I bet you don't know everything about the Fate Coin!"

"No. What?" uttered a bored Rainbow.

"I've been trailing you all since Ponyville because I deduced that you were going to find the Fate Coin and use it to reset the dimensional balance and save your fair Twilight." Discord explained with a sly air. "But what you don't know is that the coin will not help you the way you think. It was I who forged that trinket and imbued it with magical power, while disguised as a unicorn. And I created the prophecy to warn others of the time when the Editor would tip the universe askew."

"And how did you predict that?" asked Spike.

"Is it really that surprising?" Discord chuckled. "I knew the Editor personally! Isn't that right...Narrator?!"

Wait, what?

"That's right, you cheeky devil," he taunted. "I can still hear your voice! We sure go way back, don't we, Narry?"

Um, have we met?

"Wha- Seriously?!" he blurted. "You don't remember me?!"

I only know about you from what Twilight told me.

"We met at the Inter-dimensional Oddities Mixer?" he goaded. "I was wearing a blazer? I bought you a drink!"

Heh heh, I had a lot of drinks at that party, pal. And lots of people bought me them. It was kind of a blur.

"Oh don't pretend to be oblivious you creep!" huffed the overly sensitive demon. "And don't you dare try to spice up narration on me!"

"Wait, Narrator, you and Discord met before?" asked Fluttershy. "And what kind of party was this?"

One problem at a time, Fluttershy. I'm curious as to why this loser would want to stop us from using that coin.

"For your information, pretty boy," growled Discord. "I disguised myself because I knew you wouldn't trust me. And I was trying to stop you because that coin will not completely fix things. If anypony flips it, it will indeed bring Twilight back to her own Equestria. But it will also transport everypony else, including you, to the Editor's world!"

"What? Why the heck would it do that?" asked Applejack.

"I originally intended for the coin to flip everypony to a parallel dimension should the Editor start nosing around in this one." Discord continued. "But since he has already somehow switched our Twilight and his, we would still be stuck with the bad Twilight, only in his world. And meanwhile, the good Twilight would be in this world but surrounded by the entire population of the Editor's world. So flipping the Fate Coin now would only be a lateral move."

"Owie owie owie!" Pinkie rubbed her temples.

"I concure, Pinkie Pie," said Rarity. "This inter-dimensional logic is giving me a migraine."

"So, there's no way to reunite with Twilight?" Spike said sullenly. "Saving her wouldn't make a difference."

Not quite so. If the coin is flipped, and Twilight is brought back to this world, the only difference is that she would be hearing me and not the Editor, because I would be able to stay here!

"Oh yes!" gleamed Fluttershy. "At least then she would have your help!"

"Please, you don't know if that'll happen, you hack." Discord scoffed. "Your powers pale in comparison to the Editor's and you would just be dragged along with everypony here. I should know; he was the life of the party at the I.O.M."

You're right, I don't know. Because we haven't tried yet. You're gonna take these ponies to your magical coin, and we're gonna make that big switch.

"Yeah! Let's do it!" cheered Rainbow. "I had faith in this all along!"

"Oh fine! Be my guest!" rebutted Discord. "Throw yourselves out of the frying pan and into the fire by flipping that confounded coin!"

"You wanna see fire?...You don't know fire..."

Everyone in the cabin gasped as a stranger stood in the doorway.

"Hiya, Twilight!" Pinkie waved.

"Nopony's going anywhere!" hissed the alternate nasty Twilight as she charged her magic. "Especially not to any other dimensions!"

"It's mean Twilight!" gasped Fluttershy. "She's escaped from jail!"

"I feel like the security on these trains is pretty lax." Rainbow stated.

"We don't need any trouble, ya alternate sidewinder!" threatened Applejack.

"Well you punks sure are looking for it." Evil Twilight said. "I'm not letting any one of you flip that coin!"

"Why not?" asked Rarity. "Wouldn't you rather be back in your own wretched hive of scum and villainy?"

"Are you kidding?" she spat. "All those prudes in the Editor's universe hated me! Just because I put a little rat pheromones in Granny Smith's wig. But here, I got a clean slate! I can start my reign of power all over again! And best of all, I don't have that drag of a disembodied voice Editor to get in my way. In here, it's just the Narrator. He can't control me! He's just gotta sit there and take it as I raise hell! You hear that, ya pansy? You're mine now!"

Goodness gracious!

"You forgot one thing, you...you...stank face!" cursed Fluttershy. "Narrator still has us!"

"Quack quack quack!" added Princess Celestia.

"Yeah!" cheered Pinkie. "So do your worst, alien scum!"

"No, you don't want to see my worst." Evil Twi menaced.

Just as her horn sparked, the entire train suddenly lurched with an audible clunk. The others peered outside the window to see that the scenery was passing by at a slower rate. The sound of the locomotive engine was now receding as the train car lost velocity.

"She's detached our car!" exclaimed Rarity.

"There is no way I'm getting stuck in the desert again!" Rainbow growled and immediately lunged towards the offending Twilight.

But a quick burst of bright light emanated from her at the moment of impact, and just like that neither Twilight or Rainbow were anywhere on board.

"Narrator, where did they go?!" asked Fluttershy.

Hang on a second! Out on the dusty terrain by the tracks, Evil Twilight stood where she teleported to, standing over Rainbow who was now buried up to her neck in the sand.

"Hey no fair!" grunted Rainbow, squirming. "The real Twilight would never play that dirty!"

Back in the cabin, Applejack took charge. "Fluttershy, you fly after that train. Tell 'em to back up and come for us. C'mon, y'all, we gotta hold off that two-timin' doppelganger for as long as we can!"

"Oh dear, I've never chased after a moving train before!" Fluttershy quivered.

"I could do it if you're too scared, Fluttershy." Discord shrugged.

"No way!" she blurted. "You're not leaving our sight for one second, mister! FOR TWILIIIIIGHT!!!" She ran down the corridor, and took off from the exposed front of the car.

"She still terrifies me." Discord gulped.

He and the remaining adventurers disembarked from the coach as Fluttershy soared ahead to fetch the runaway engine and front three cars. Applejack charged towards Evil Twilight ready to rumble.

"You ain't too fast fer me, impostor!" she yelled.

But as the rowdy celery farmer unleashed her fury in a series of kicks and stomps, Evil Twilight blocked every blow with a magical ward, barely moving more than her eyes. Having finally caught a break in her movements, she cast a stunning spell on Applejack, shocking her into a daze on the ground.

"Granny...the outhouse is on fire!" she mumbled, reeling from the shock.

Pinkie was next to stand her ground against the witch. "Good thing I always come packin'!"

Out of nowhere, Pinkie produced her trusty party cannon and fired a terrific blast. Evil Twilight simply stood in the same spot as thirty pounds of strawberry frosted birthday cake splattered all over her. She licked some of the frosting from her face and cast another spell, this time transforming Pinkie into a pony made out of tied up balloons.

"AAAAAHH!!" she screamed. "This has always been my greatest dream, but it's actually super painful!"

Evil Twilight then stared down Rarity and Spike. "Let me guess, you're gonna make fun of my dress size, and you're gonna blow a letter to the police."

"I don't know how things are in your universe, you imitator," said Rarity slyly. "But in this universe, there is one thing that everypony knows me and Spikey for."

"And that it's we are the greatest Kung Fu fighting duo in Equestria!" Spike exclaimed as he and Rarity struck martial arts poses.

Wait what? Oh right, another glitch in reality.

"Oh this oughta be good." Evil Twilight spat as she widened her stance. "Alright, let's do this. No magic. Just fighting hoof to hoof. And tiny claw."

Rarity and Spike let out wailing war cries as they flew at their opponent with airborne kicks.

"Watch the head! Watch the head!" Rainbow shouted, still stuck in the ground.

And so began one of the most excellently choreographed fight scenes ever- Wait a minute. Discord! Shouldn't you be helping them? You're sitting there on a beach chair sipping from a coconut! Where did you even get a coconut?!

"Oh please," he scoffed. "I would never pass up an opportunity to watch the Elements of Harmony getting humiliated by otherworldly magic. Besides, Rarity and Spike seem to have the situation under control. Whoa! I've never seen a flip like that before! Are you seeing this? You have to be a fool to miss out on this kind of action."

I'm just saying if I were you, I'd do something really easy about taking care of that alternate Twilight.

"If I were you," he retorted. "I'd do something about that train reversing towards us really quickly."

What?! Holy crap, that's our train!

"Um, Narrator?" came Fluttershy, who was now a few kilometers ahead standing at the controls of the engine. "We have a slight problem."

Fluttershy, what happened? Why is the train coming back so fast?

She spoke in a panic. "I may have landed onboard suddenly and screamed 'TURN THIS TRAIN AROUND!' and the engineers must've thought I was a hijacker and got spooked and jumped off so I had to try and reverse the train myself but I pulled the throttle too far and now I can't push it back and I put the brakes on but the train is moving too fast to stop in time and now we're going to CRASH!!!"

Son of a- Evil Twilight must've hexed the controls! Alright, Fluttershy, just carry off everypony onboard as fast as you can. I'll see what I can do about the other half of the train.

"Okay! Oh goodness! Oh goodness!" she heaved as she ran into the conjoining cars.

Uh let's see, who's left?...Pinkie! Can you still move?

"Sure can!" she replied. "But this dry air is making my balloon body all frizzy and zappy."

Didn't need to hear that. Listen, now that Evil Twi is distracted, I just need you to get everypony off the coaches immediately. There's going to be a crash.

"Holy moly!" she exclaimed. "I'm on it, Narry! I shall use my balloon powers for good!" She quickly jumped onto the open coach and stood before the confused passengers. They were currently observing the fight from the cool comfort of indoors. "Listen up, people!" announced Pinkie. "Don't be alarmed, but I'm gonna need you all to-"

"AAAAAHH!!" screamed a pony. "Balloon monster!" Immediately, all of the passengers evacuated the last three coaches and caboose in a flurry of terror, spreading word of the horrible balloon golem.

"What have I become?!" screamed Pinkie dramatically.

Pinkie, get off! Fluttershy, how's it coming on your end?

"Um, so far so good?" she said nervously. She continued to ferry non-pegasi passengers, carrying them by their hooves, flying them off the speeding train and safely landing them in the desert. "There shouldn't be that many left now."

"The service on this train is preposterous!" complained a wealthy passenger as Fluttershy lifted him away. "You'll all be hearing from my lawyers!"

"I'm trying my best, okay?!" belted Fluttershy.

Meanwhile, down the track, a crowd of ponies were now wandering around the desert in a confused frenzy. In their defense, they had just been spooked by a balloon-pony homonculus, were currently watching a spectacular Kung Fu fight between Rarity, Spike and what seemed like Princess Twilight Sparkle, and were about to witness their own train collide with itself. C'est la vie.

"Urgh, and here I thought this would be a peaceful day." Discord grunted, irritated by the gaggle of ponies hollering around him. "Alright, let's put an end to this. I'm calling you out, cheap knockoff Twilight!"

"But Rarity and I were just about to bust out the nunchaku!" said Spike, holding Evil Twilight in a leg lock.

In one instant, Discord procured a tiny wooden box, opening it as if to reveal a piece of jewelry. Instead, a vortex swirled out and enshrouded Evil Twilight, sucking her into the small compartment.

"Hey, what is this?!" she yelled. "I'm not done with you clowns yet! Don't you dare put me in tha-"

Discord closed the tiny box, and just like that, she was out of sight.

"What ever did you just do?" asked Rarity.

"Like it?" he gloated. "Another little old invention of mine. It traps in any one magical entity that has caused harm to others."

"You mean you could've just used that the whole time we were fighting her?" glowered Spike. "Or any other time we were fighting ANYPONY?!"

"Don't yell at me!" fussed Discord. "I work in mysterious ways! I'm not a miracle worker! I'm very tired! Shut up!"

"I chipped a hoof trying to incapacitate her!" griped Rarity.

"I'm fine, if anypony is wondering!" yelled Rainbow's head.

"I'm comin' for ya, great apple crumble in the sky!" uttered Applejack, still in a daze.

"Looks like I'll have to live the rest of my life as a balloon." Pinkie said dourly. "Hey, maybe I can find work in parades! Or maybe carrying ponies in wicker baskets!" Discord snapped his fingers, and suddenly, Pinkie was back to her old furry form. "Ah come on! I just had everything planned out! Hey where's Fluttershy?"

"EVERYPONY GET THE FRICK OUT OF THE WAY!!!" shrieked Fluttershy. She was now barreling through the air towards the others, barely staying aloft and carrying the last six ponies in a monkey chain.

The stranded passengers all ran away from the track on either side as the front of the train came reversing at breakneck speed. Pinkie dug Rainbow out of the sand while Rarity and Spike carried the incapacitated Applejack. The crash was mere seconds away.

"Wait, aren't we missing somepony?" asked Rainbow.

"Princess Celestia!" gasped Rarity.

Sure enough, the sun princess turned waterfowl was still in their cabin on the carriage. She had been unaware of the danger up until now, seeing the train backing her way. Using her bill, she unlocked the window, pushed it upward and quickly took flight. The second the plucky duck was airborne, impact was made.
The carriages collided in a violent mass of splintering wood, shattering glass and crunching metal, quickly toppling onto each other. The chugging engine smashed into the calamity, rupturing the firebox and unleashing a ball of flames. In just seconds, the fire erupted across the wooden wreckage and the entire train was consumed in a horrific explosion. Propelled by the force of the blast, Celestia slammed into Discord's chest, knocking him over in the dirt. He raised his head and looked at her in befuddlement.

"What in the...?" he stammered.

Duck Celestia simply made a low crooning sound and nuzzled his chest happily.

"Whoooooa," came Rainbow, watching the chaos. "That would've been awesome if we weren't in mortal peril."

Fluttershy, are you sure you got everypony off the train?

"Positive, Narrator," she said, panting heavily. "That was the last of them. Now if you'll excuse me, I need a nap." She slammed face-first in the dirt.

"Um, does anypony else feel the earth shaking?" asked Spike.

In fact, it was. The force of the train explosion not only split the rails underneath it, it was enough to cause a quake in the loose ground. Before long, a cavity opened up beneath where the tracks laid into a massive sinkhole. The ground even buckled beneath everypony's hooves. In a wave of screams, the entire crowd of ponies, one dragon, one duck and one demon disappeared into the blackness below.

With the sunset basking the sky in an orange glow, the biplane continued its trek across the air. Twilight had fallen asleep in her seat, the drone of the engine acting as a kind of white noise; that and the sleeping pills she took were enough to relax her. Behind her, Shining Armor tried to maintain focus on his course.

"And that was the fifth time Twilight released fleas into Ponyville." Crag regaled. "I got to run their little circus that time. Loads of fun. And the sixth time-"

"Look, salamander," sulked Shining Armor. "I really don't want to hear about all the horrible stuff your version of Twilight has done over the years. It's kind of bumming me out."

"Whaddya mean 'my version' of Twilight?" retorted Crag. "And by the way, since when does she have a brother? She never told me."

"For the last time," said Shining. "That's not the Twilight you're used to. The evil one, that is. She's from my world where she's a hero to everypony."

"And you suddenly remember that you're also from that world?" asked Crag, still not fully getting it.

"Yes, because this whole universe is just a sham made by a malevolent being." Shining explained.

"But...am I real?" Crag suddenly pondered. "Is there no Crag the rambunctious salamander in the real world? Is my whole life just a lie?!"

"Um...we'll get back to that one."

Suddenly, the clouds overhead became heavy and blackened. A reddish glow erupted from the mass, unlike the sunset, along with a distant descending whistle of air. Shining Armor looked up in shock. A flaming meteor the size of his plane was plummeting toward him, ready to obliterate the dainty aircraft. He swerved dramatically to the left and out of the way of the falling chuck of space rock. But it only gave him a view of the hell above where an entire shower of meteors was coming to rain molten hot death on the world below.

"Ah great, and now the world is ending!" yelled Crag. "Might as well put me outta my misery!"

"Oh no, it must be the Editor!" Shining said. "He's regained control of the universe. Twilight! Wake up!"

A remarkably heavy sleeper, Twilight simply snorted while slumped over the rim of her seat.

"Really?!" Shining swerved the plane again, this time jolting his sister awake.

"Huh? Wha happa?" Twilight stirred and rubbed her eyes. She then gawked at the unwelcome sight of hundreds of fireballs descending around her. "Jumping Applejack folksy expression! Shining, what did you do?!"

"You know darn well what's happening!" replied Shining, yanking the flight stick to and fro. "The spell wore off and I haven't recharged yet."

"Are we almost there?" asked Twilight.

"We are," he said. "But it won't make much difference if the Editor has regained control."

"Well then, we'll just have to fend that creep off as long as we can!" Twilight then stood poised atop the plane's fuselage, charging the magic within her horn.

"Careful, Twily!" shouted Shining.

As the little plane meandered through the hale of fire, Twilight cast a ward spell, disintegrating each nearby meteor with a large magical shield. She continued defending the aircraft just enough to clear a safe flight path. But up ahead, more peril was to come. A swarming flock of giant condors charged towards the plane, cawing angrily and ready to rip flesh from bone. As they met its path, the buzzards tore with their talons at the plane's fragile hide, trying to eviscerate the four wings. Shining Armor hunkered down and carried out tricky maneuvers to avoid both the killer condors and the great balls of fire. Hoo man! It feels good to be back!

"I can't keep this up much longer!" called Twilight as she began zapping the monstrous birds with her magic.

"How can this get any worse?" I'm glad you asked, oblivious older brother! Just then, a ball of slithering reptiles slimed out from beneath his seat. "SNAAAAAKES!" he screamed, abandoning the controls and all sense of manliness while flailing about cowardly.

Twilight felt the biplane lurch under her. "Shining, what are you doing?!"

"I hate snakes, Twilight!" he bellowed. "I hate 'em!"

"Come on!" jeered Twilight. "Show a little backbone, will ya?!"

"Get outta here, ya legless freaks!" rasped Crag as he crawled over and began throwing out the endless gaggle of serpents.

"Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!" Shining continued to whine.

"I am so sick of these motherlovin' snakes on this motherlovin' plane!" barked Crag.

"We're all doomed aren't we?" Twilight grimaced as her magic began to fade.

And just when things seemed like they couldn't get any worse, in came a giant flying radioactive...hey wait...shouldn't I be seeing this by now?...Oh no. Oh no no no no no no! Not again! C'mon, I was just getting back in the swing!

"Princess Luna!" beamed Twilight.

From below, the dark blue alicorn sailed towards the biplane. Her horn unleashed a humongous white aura that passed over the flight space like a ripple of light. In mere seconds, the meteors crumbled away in the atmosphere, along with the condors. And even my poor snakes?! Man I loved those little guys! NYAAAAAARGH! Why does everypony keep trying to ruin my fun?!

Shining Armor pulled back on the flight stick, still shivering from fright. "Everything's cool! Situation normal! Got it all under control!" he said, regaining what little dignity he had left.

Princess Luna came alongside the biplane and spoke to Twilight. "I have been long awaiting your arrival, Princess Sparkle!" she grinned.

"You remember me! The real me!" said Twilight, elated.

"Of course I do," replied Luna. "This plane of turmoil is but a sham of the real Equestria. But fret not! We shall soon restore the balance and return ourselves to our rightful existence!"

"So what's the plan, Your Majesty?" asked Shining Armor. "Is there a kind of spell that can undo it all?"

"Nay, not a spell, but an artifact!" she answered. "A cosmically powerful trinket once lost in the mists of time, and that shall right every wrong caused by 'the Unbalance'!" *dramatic sting*

"So what is this crazy little artifact anyway?" asked Crag.

"It is called...the Fate Coin!" *dramatic sting*

Sunlight poured down from far above the inky blackness, along with falling streams of sand. The only sounds worth hearing were those of a hundred ponies stirring awake and murmuring in exhaustion, later gasping in surprise at the size of the fall and at the miracle that they all survived it. The crowd found themselves within a hollow cavern surrounded by sandstone walls that echoed every sound they made. No bright enough light source could illuminate any details of where exactly they had ended up, apart from the twisted husk of metal that was once a train, now lying around them like a fossilized leviathan. Suddenly, the pall of silence and muffled voices was broken.

"WOOOOOOO!" came Pinkie Pie. "They should make that into an amusement park ride!"

"Pinkie, will you please?!" shrilled Rarity. "This will certainly be the most lingering migraine of my life!"

"I don't like this darkness." Fluttershy quivered. "What if we don't get out?! I only gave my pet sitter a week!"

"We should all be dead after that!" gawked Rainbow. "It's almost as if there was some kind of divine intervention that saved us!"

...What are you looking at me for?

"Hey fellas! We're gonna be alright!" called Applejack, who was digging around in a wrecked train carriage. "Look what I found in the kitchen car! Celery! We're saved!"

"Oh give it a rest, will you?!" bellowed Rainbow.

"Hey Discord," said Spike, looking especially steamed. "At what point were you actually going to consider saving our butts? Was falling into a massive sinkhole in the sand with a burning train not enough?"

"Simmer down, young Spike," Discord waved him away. "I had the whole situation under control. I saved you from that marauding fake Twilight didn't I? And besides, I knew that this cavern was right underneath us."

"Bull...crap!" spat Rainbow. "I'm starting to think that there really is no Fate Coin, and that you're just leading us all into more and more brushes with certain death!"

"I am astounded, Rainbow Dash!" glared Discord. "After all these years, you still don't trust me? Well if you all still have your doubts, then don't even bother looking at what's next to the train engine!"

"Good! I won't!" huffed Rainbow, turning back and crossing her hooves.

Um, guys, maybe you should. Everypony turned to look in the direction of the derelict locomotive. Beside the crushed smokestack was an alcove in the rock, in which stood what appeared to be a small pedestal, shrouded in more darkness. Spike puffed a ball of fire onto a stick to create a torch and walked into the alcove, illuminating the area. The moment he did so, a wave of gasps sounded in the cavern.

"Is that what I think it is?" asked Fluttershy.

"What else could it be?" replied Rarity.

"Sweet mother of folksy expressions!" came Applejack, munching on a stalk of celery.

"We found it. We actually found it." Rainbow gasped.

"It's incredible." Spike said, inspecting it. "I just...didn't expect it to be a standard gold bit. I mean, it's way out of date and no use as currency, but still, I was expecting something more...I don't know...elaborate?"

"Okay fine, so it was a rushed job." Discord scoffed. "Why create a new magic object when you can just enchant any random thing? I was just being straightforward. You're welcome, by the way."

"So...do we flip it?" asked Fluttershy.

"Heads or tails to see who flips it?" asked Rainbow before receiving a smack from Applejack.

"Do we have much of a choice?" asked Rarity. "I mean, we'll all be sent into the Editor's evil world, but at least Narrator will be reunited with Twilight."

"At least somepony will be." Spike sighed.

It's up to you guys anyway. All I can do is wait and observe.

"Ah let's just get on with it." Applejack said. "For Twilight, and for ol' Narry!"

Very well then. Fluttershy, you tell Spike to flip it. Seems only right to me.

"Of course, Narrator." Fluttershy turned to Spike. "Spike, it's your call."

Slowly and apprehensively, the little dragon reached for the simple coin, holding it in his palm in reverence. After a moment of anxious contemplation, looking around at his friends who had yet to fail him on their journeys so far, Spike took a deep breath and tossed the Fate Coin in the air. The glimmering gold artifact flipped several times during its ascent and descent, before finally landing back on its pedestal. To add to the anticipation, the coin spun on the flat surface and everypony looked watched it at extreme closeness, waiting to see it fall on either side. At last, gravity took control and the coin stopped its suspenseful motion, standing perfectly still on its edge. Oh you've gotta be f***ing kiddi-............